My dad would have kicked me in the crotch if I was where you are now, junior.
Just what are you cut out for? Getting into car accidents? Chasing tail? Driving drunk? What do you think you are, a Kennedy? You're a Bush! Start acting like one! Can't even hold a job. We always worked for a living. It's damn time you joined the rest of us and decided just what it is you're gonna do with your life.
You disappoint me, junior. You deeply disappoint me.
Want to know what I see, Mr. President? I see a world where, in about 25 years, America's reserves are gone. Done. Demand is up, 30-40%, and we have two oceans blocks us from the world's reserves. You think we're gonna have allies then?
Dick Cheney: [talking about torture methods] They utilize fear scenarios.
George W. Bush: You mean like pulling out their toenails?
George W. Bush: I hear you're looking for me! Wanna go a few rounds mano-a-mano right here?
George H.W. Bush: You want an ass-whipping?
George W. Bush: Try it, old man!
George H.W. Bush: Go ahead, take a swing!
George W. Bush: So, what did that old battleaxe Helen Thomas say about Iraq?
Ari Fleischer: Oh, you know the rap. "What makes Saddam different than any other dictator?" "What right do we have to go into Iraq?"
George W. Bush: Did you tell her I don't like mud-suckers who gas their own people? Did you tell her I don't like assholes that try to kill my father? Did you tell her I'm gonna kick his sorry mother-frickin' ass all over the Middle East?
Ari Fleischer: Uh, I told her about... half of that.
[Bush has just helped his father get elected as President]
Karl Rove: You look down.
George W. Bush: Just tired, that's all. Just wondering what's gonna happen next.
Karl Rove: What do you mean?
George W. Bush: Well, my father's not going to give me a position, because he can't. And I'm not going to sit around and become a lobbyist, that's for sure.
Karl Rove: George, I've been a lifelong student of political horseflesh. From what I see, you've got a natural talent. You've got the people touch. But you need to go out into the world and do something. I don't know how else to say it, but you haven't done jack shit yet.
George W. Bush: Who's ever remembered the son of a president?
George W. Bush: Yeah, but that was like, 300 years ago, wasn't it?
Journalist: Mr. President, what place do you think you will have in history?
George W. Bush: History? In history we'll all be dead!
George W. Bush: Now I don't believe in forcing myself on people, so I'm just gonna ask for your phone number, not your vote.
Laura Bush: [laughs] You're a devil! Devil in a white hat!
Gen. Colin Powell: Funny Dick, I remember you once agreeing that going all the way in Baghdad would be a mistake.
Dick Cheney: Well, I think you made a bigger boo-boo, Colin. You could have been president.
Gen. Colin Powell: Fuck you.
Karl Rove: Here they come. They'll be bringing the heat.
George W. Bush: I know, don't swing at anything I can't hit.
Reporter #1: Mr. Bush, Mr. Bush, you didn't talk much about education. What are your plans for reform?
George W. Bush: Well, uh, I'm gonna deregulate school districts so that teachers and administrators can, you know, can develop programs to best fit their kids.
Reporter #2: Sir, are you proposing to measure student's progress?
George W. Bush: Oh, well, we need to make a wholesale effort against racial profiling, you know? Which is, uh, illiterate children. You need to be able to teach a child to read and then he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
Karl Rove: We're in the very early stages of developing our program.
Reporter #2: How do you plan to change the school finance formula?
George W. Bush: I for one will not stand for the subsidization of failure. How do you know if you measure up if you have a system that simply suckles them through.
Reporter #2: What about our failed schools? Do you think the state needs to take them over?
George W. Bush: More government's not the answer. We must have the attitude that every child in America, regardless where raised can learn. Rarely is the question asked is their children learning.
Karl Rove: If you can't stand in front of those guys two minutes and come up with one plausible answer what the hell are we running for governor for?
George W. Bush: Just tell me what to do, whatever it takes. Look if I need to read the whole damn Constitution I'll do it.
Colin Powell: So what is our real exit strategy on Iraq, Dick?
Dick Cheney: There is no exit. We stay. Empire. Real empire. Nobody will fuck with us again.
Colin Powell: Spoken like a true oilman.
[Bush is conferring with his generals about planning the Iraq war]
George W. Bush: What about projected casualties?
General: Well, I think now more in the neighborhood of several hundred, no more than 1,000.
George W. Bush: Just remember, Americans don't like to see dead boys on their television sets.