Wacky Races (1968 TV series)
Wacky Races is an American animated television series produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions. The series features 11 different cars racing against each other in various road rallies throughout North America, with each driver hoping to win the title of the "World's Wackiest Racer".
- And now, here they are! The most daredevil group of daffy drivers to ever whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races, competing for the title of the World's Wackiest Racer! The cars are approaching the starting line. First is the Turbo Terrific, driven by Peter Perfect. Next, Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth in the Buzz Wagon; maneuvering for position is the Army Surplus Special; right behind is the Ant Hill Mob in their Bulletproof Bomb. And there's ingenious inventor, Pat Pending, in his Convert-a-Car. Oh, and here's the lovely Penelope Pitstop, the Glamour Gal of the Gas Pedal. Next, we have the Bouldermobile with the Slag Brothers, Rock and Gravel. Lurching along is the Creepy Coupe with the Gruesome Twosome; and right on their tail is the Red Max. And there's the Arkansas Chug-a-Bug, with Luke and Blubber Bear. Sneaking along last is that Mean Machine with those double-dealing do-badders (Dastardly, twirling his mustache and facing the audience), Dick Dastardly and his sidekick, Muttley; and even now, they're up to some dirty trick! And they're off!... to a standing start. And why not? They've been chained to a post by shifty Dick Dastardly -- who shifts into the wrong gear. And away they go, on the Way-Out Wacky Races!
- Narrator: (laugh Ha Hoh What a Races Has Been)
- Narrator: DICK DASTARDLY HAS NOT CROSS THE FINISH LINE!
- Dick Dastardly: Drat! Double Drat! And Triple Drat!
- Dick Dastardly: Drat! The Engine So Cold It Won't Start.
- Dick Dastardly: TIMBER!.
- Dick Dastardly: We Stopped Muttley! What's Wrong?
- Penelope Pitstop: Oh Dear! And I Didn't Bring My Shower Cap.
- [while the Ant Hill Mob are disguised as the Seven Dwarfs, Dick Dastardly passes by]
- Clyde: [to Dastardly] We're the Seven Little Dwarfs.
- Dick Dastardly: Well, I'm Snow White, so tell me where the highway is.
- Clyde: Sure, you just make a sharp turn left.
- Dick Dastardly: Thanks, shorty. [giggles] You get it? Shorty? [drives off]
- Clyde: Yeah. You're gonna get it!
- [as informed, Dick Dastardly makes a sharp turn left... into a mud pit]
- Dick Dastardly: What will I do? I'm stuck in the mud!
- Clyde: Keep going! Maybe you'll strike oil!
- [Clyde and the rest of the Ant Hill Mob laugh and drive off, leaving Dastardly to sink in the mud. Muttley laughs it off, too]
- Dick Dastardly: [to Muttley, of whom laughs after putting Dastardly in yet another predicament] One more snicker out of you, and I'll lease you out as winter headquarters for a flea circus!
- Narrator: Is it cold, Rufus?
- Rufus: You betcha! My hot rod just turned into a cold rod!
- Penelope: Cold hands warm hearts, I always say.
- Peter: Thank heavens for antifreeze.
- [ice cubes are pouring out from the exhausts of Peter's Turbo Terrific]
- [Penelope Pitstop sees an abominable snowman, unaware that it is Dick Dastardly disguised as one]
- Penelope: Well, I do declare, a cute, old, adorable snowman!
- Dick Dastardly: You pronounce it "abominable"! [Dastardly roars] Go back!
- Paul Winchell - Dick Dastardly Clyde Private Meekly
- Janet Waldo - Penelope Pitstop
- Dave Willock - Narrator
- Also Starring -
- Don Messick - Muttley Professor Pat Pending Gravel Slag Little Gruesome Ring A Ding Sawtooth
- Daws Butler - Peter Perfect Rufus Ruffcut The Red Max Sergeant Blast Big Gruesome Rock Slag
- John Stephenson - Lazy Luke Blubber Bear