Warehouse 13

Warehouse 13 (2009–2014) was a science fiction TV series which premiered on the SyFy channel on July 7, 2009 as the third largest debut on the SyFy channel to date. The series focuses around the Warehouse 13 where objects of a certain type of power, called "artifacts", and its two agents, Myka and Pete. The final episode 'Endless' aired on May 19, 2014.

Recurring Phrases

"Hey Hey Hey"

• Pete, in "Regrets"
• Pete, in "Breakdown"
• Pete, in "Age Before Beauty"
• Pete, in "Around the Bend"
• Pete, in "For the Team"
• Pete, in Myka's body, in "Merge with Caution"

Season 1

Pilot [1.01]

Artie: I like to think of it as America's attic.

---

Pete: What's that?

Frederic: An invitation to endless wonder.

Pete: Okay, could you sound a little more creepy?

---

Pete: So, okay, who are these guys?

Artie: Former colleagues.

Pete: And.. and where are they now?

Artie: Well, um, this one and this one are dead. This one, a mental institution in Germany. And this last one disappeared. One day I'll find him.

---

Artie: I mean, he's intuitive and you're-- you've got a scrupulous eye for detail. He's scattershot, you see, and you're meticulous. You look, he leaps.

---

Artie: And that is exactly what we do here. We take the unexplained.. and we just safely tuck it away in this super-sized Pandora's Box.

Pete: Metaphorically speaking.

Artie: Well, actually, Pandora's box is over in Aisle 989-B. Empty, of course.

---

Dickenson:(looks up and suddenly Mrs. Frederic is in front of his desk) How did you come in?

Mrs. Frederic: Through a door.

---

Pete: What about your folks?

Myka: Colorado Springs. They own a bookstore called Bering and Sons.

Pete: How many brothers?

Myka: No brothers, just me. My dad thought the "and Sons" sounded classier.

Pete: Well, he must be proud of you.

Myka: Mom is.

Pete: Well, did protecting the President of the United States turn him around?

Myka: Yeah. This won't.

---

Pete: Look, Myka, why don't you pull your head out of your magenta and feel the room. Something's off.

---

Frederic: My name's Frederic.

Pete: Frederic what?

Frederic: Mrs. Frederic.

Pete: Well, that's a relief.

Resonance [1.02]

Leena: Artie, how've you been sleeping?

Artie: I haven't.

Leena: I can tell, your aura looks like hell.

Artie: Then stop looking at it then!

---

Belski: Banks just hand over the money. Everyone's shy on the details.

Pete: Which is strange.

Belski: Tell me something I don't know.

Pete: Uh, Mary, Queen of Scots' croquet mallet was made from a petrified narwhal's horn. She never lost a match.

---

Myka: What is it with men and their balls?

Pete: Yeah.

---

Myka: There's three suspects, including Fissel. One was a woman.

Pete: You sure?

Myka: Yeah, I... felt her.

Pete: You touched her boobies?

---

Artie: You know, um, I had a case once where pollen from a prehistoric plant turned a woman into a sexually rapacious sleepwalker. And she was unaware that she was doing that until she, you know, pulled the pants off...

Myka: Artie, uh... just be---be quiet.

Magnetism [1.03]

Artie: Oh, and I want you guys to ask each of the victims my list of field recovery questions.

Myka: Artie, not the questions, please.

Pete: God, they're embarrassing.

Artie: Yeah, my only pleasure left in life. Concocting ways to embarrass you. Here, in case you lost them. Take this.

Myka: You know, how can it matter if a person smells fudge before an incident?

Pete: Yeah, or if your gall bladder is feeling numb.

Artie: Humor me.

---

Myka: I thought the medic might know something so I asked him to meet me after work.

Pete: Good idea. I got a thing to do. But, Myka, I want you to be careful. I want you to use a condom. Heh.

Myka: That's hilarious.

---

Pete: What were you thinking just then? What were you feeling?

Myka: Nothing. (beat) ...Okay, I was kinda thinking that you're an infantile chimp. I'm sorry.

---

Pete: You know, if you were gonna ask me how I would die, I would say that being beaten to death by my partner would be really low on the list.

Claudia [1.04]

Pete: No more zoos, okay? From now on, if an artifact is at a zoo, we leave it there.

Myka: Monkeys spit. Artie, do you know that? They... they spit, and it is not pleasant.

---

Myka: So can we put out an APB or alert the authorities.

Mrs. Frederic: We are the authorities. What did you learn from the durational spectrometer?

Pete: The spectro...

Mrs. Frederic: It shows the afterimages of anyone who's been in the room in the last five hours.

Pete: You kidding me? Yeah, that's like our favorite thing, with all the lights and so forth.

---

Pete: My sister taught me how to read lips.

Myka: Why does your sister...?

Pete: Uh, the deaf find it handy.

---

Myka: Rheticus.

Pete: Rheti-who?

Myka: He was a, uh mathematician and mapmaker. A student of Copernicus. Yes, Pete, I read books growing up.

Pete: Right. Why go to the prom?

Myka: Of course you did.

Pete: Yeah, three times in one night.

Myka: Mmm.

Pete: It's a long story.

Myka: I bet it is. I bet it is.

---

Artie: Just... you know, just to clarify, you decided to re-create a clearly dangerous, potentially deadly experiment?

Claudia: Oh, sure, it sounds bad when you say it like that.

---

Artie: You're lucky that i have an emergency travel kit in the trunk of my car.

Claudia: Well, serendipity is my stripper name.

Artie: What?!

---

Claudia: Yeah, I'm here. I'm here. Wait, I'm here? You took me to the inter-dimensional space? You were supposed to get him out, d-bag.

Joshua: No, he was supposed to destroy it. Clearly he's insane.

Artie: Children, don't fight. I can be both a d-bag and insane.

---

Artie: Yeah, just out of curiosity, by the way, how exactly did you figure out the secret-panel thing?

Pete: Well, each artifact is an extension of the person, Artie. We gleaned what we needed from the person.

Artie: Mm-hmm. Mrs. Frederic. I thought so.

Pete: No, hey, hey, you know what? She's pretty scary. If we hadn't found something, she probably would have glared us to death.

Artie: Yeah. You have no idea.

Elements [1.05]

Myka: But it's still just a well-executed art theft. I mean, it doesn't automatically shout "warehouse," does it?

Artie: Things rarely shout "warehouse." They usually whisper, "Hey, that's a little odd."

---

Pete: So we're looking for an art-stealing bird that walks through walls.

Myka: Like Artie always says...

Myka and Pete: "Never rule anything out."

---

Leena: She needs people like her.

Artie: Brash, rude, anti-social, impulsive?

Leena: We're discussing Claudia, not you.

Artie: See, that's kind of a low blow.

---

Pete: Use your feminine wiles. Smile. You're pretty when you smile.

Myka: I am?

Pete: Yeah.

Myka: So what does that mean when I'm not smiling?

Pete: Kind of frightening.

---

Artie: And if somebody were to acquire those artifacts, then somebody would have immense power over...

Leena: The world.

Artie: At the risk of sounding dramatic.

Leena: That's never stopped you before.

Artie: That's true.

---

Myka: Nutbag

Pete: Nutest

Burnout [1.06]

Pete: I thought we were gonna get a break. Did you ask Artie?

Myka: Yeah, he laughed for about five minutes.

Pete: I guess that's an answer.

Myka: You know, I'm not asking for two weeks, in Tahiti, you know? I just want to get couple of days to go out of Podunk Dakota, and go someplace that serves martinis.

Pete: Well, you are looking pretty ragged---those bags under your eyes and... wha...I'm supporting you here.

Myka: It's very helpful. Thank you.

---

Artie: Unfortunately, the Warehouse filing system never quite caught up to the computer age.

Claudia: Like your wardrobe?

Artie: What? These are earth tones. They never go out of style.

---

Rebecca: Would you like some tea and cookies?

Myka: No.

Pete: Yes, please. Yeah, please.. I, yeah, uh, I just... I like cookies.

Myka: [in restrained annoyance] He does!

---

Artie: It's the words under this drawing, and loosely translated, it says, "The spine requires a lifetime commitment."

Pete: Oh, yeah, man I had a girlfriend like that once.

---

Pete: Man, this trip really killed me.

Artie: Would you not...? Could you stop that, please?

Pete: Seriously, I am totally dead.

Claudia: Hey, I'm surprised to see you alive.

Artie: Don't encourage him.

---

Claudia: Claudia Donovan. Warehouse 13, next generation.

Implosion [1.07]

Pete: Well, please, ladies first.

Myka: No, you know what, you... you be the smart one this time.

Pete: Okay, get this, there's an access panel on the roof. It'll bring us in right above the main wiring for the security system. Now, we crawl on our bellies, we can avoid the motion system. And what do you mean "this time"?

---

Myka: Having intel in the field keeps an agent alive, Pete. But Artie acts like keeping us alive isn't a priority. To him we're just...

Pete: Redshirts?

Myka: Yeah.

Pete: Okay. First, he doesn't think we're redshirts. And second, that's so cool you knew what I meant.

---

James MacPherson: Hello, Arthur.

Artie: James.

James MacPherson: Good to see you after all these years.

Artie: Wish I could say the same.

James MacPherson: Well, not while you're pointing a gun at me or trying to.

Artie: Well, no, you're an invisible guy with a sword. I think you might have the advantage over me.

James MacPherson: My point exactly.

---

Mrs. Frederic: I apologize for doubting you.

Artie: Oh, well, thank... thank... we're... we're all human. As far as I know.

---

Random Secret Service Agent: Who's Mrs. Fredric?

Artie: I'd tell you but then he'd have to kill you [motions to Mrs. Fredric's bodyguard]

Duped [1.08]

Myka: Okay, this stuff is dangerous, all right?

Pete: Right.

Myka: This is Lewis Carroll's mirror. Alice in Wonderland. "Off with their heads."

Pete: That's chick lit, right?

Myka: Chick lit?

Pete: Yeah. Come on. Not everything in here is dangerous. You got that cuddly little ferret from a cooking pot.

Myka: Yeah, he peed in my shoes.

Pete: That's... that was me.

Myka: That's funny.

---

Myka: I'm not mad at Artie, I'm mad at you.

Pete: No you're not mad at me.

Myka: Yes I am.

Pete: You're not mad at me, you're not mad at me. Because when you're mad at me, your neck gets all long until it looks like that. It's like a giraffe over there. And then when you get mad at Artie, your neck gets over here to the right. Yes! Just like that.

---

Pete: O-M-G, what's the B-F-D?

Artie: What? Iniquitous hands with the means to exploit fate.

Claudia: "Iniquitous " means "bad."

Pete: Thanks, Roget.

---

Myka: Which means we're looking for one thing and it should be in their possession.

Pete: Why?

Myka: It's Carson's Rule of Linear Transfer.

Pete: Gesundheit.

---

Myka: Here's what you and I both know but we never talk about it. All right?

Artie: Mm-hmm.

Myka: That I don't trust you. That I need you to tell me the truth... and to not treat me like some chess piece that you move around on a board that only you can see. That I am valuable. That I matter. And that I deserve to know everything I can about this world that you send me into every day so at least I have a fighting chance. You know, in spite of everything... in spite of everything, I like you. I think you're great. And I want you to think the same of me.

---

Leena: Myka did name the ferret. She's just not telling Pete the name.

Claudia: Why not?

Artie: Because she named it Pete.

Myka: Ugh, it's cute but so annoying.

---

Alice: So what tipped you?

Pete: (triumphantly) The real Myka... would never kiss me. Never! Not if her life depended on it. Which is...

Alice: Which is a shame. You're a good kisser.

---

Pete: I beg to freaking differ...freak.

---

Pete: [When signing off on the Farnsworth] ...Kirk out.

Regrets [1.09]

Reverend Hill: The cruelest prison is the one we build for ourselves out of fear and regret.

---

Reverend Hill: To feel remorse is to shame God

---

Pete: I want you to know that you can tell me things

---

Myka: You use soap on a rope?

Pete: Hey, I don't judge your personal hygiene products. Although you might wanna invest and get some moisturizers. You look a little dry around the nose.

Myka: Oh, you want to swap beauty tips. Then we can talk about the hair that's sprouting from your shoulders, your nose, and, your, umm, ears. (plucks a hair from his ear)

Pete: Owww!

Myka: Or you could just tell me about the prison suicides.

Pete: Well, let's go with the prison suicides.

---

Claudia: Oh, hi, Artie. Hi. Huh, funny story. So I kind of, uh, tried to fix this light bulb, even though you expressly told me not too. And man, have I learned my lesson! You're so right about this place. You just never know what to expect. Okay, you're pissed. Can we move past that part for now and get to the part where you get me down from here?

Artie: That wouldn't be Volta's lab coat that you're wearing?

Claudia: All part of the hilarious story I should really tell you when I'm back on planet Earth.

Artie: The reason, Claudia, that Volta's lab coat is in the warehouse is because Volta couldn't control its magnetic field. As you may have noticed, each metallic object that it connects to makes the coat stronger and stronger!

Claudia: That explains so much. Thank you.

---

Claudia: Would it have killed you to put a warning label on this thing?

Artie: Saying what? "Only put on in case of stupid?"

---

Pete: Maybe the old Bible banger had something that was curing the crazy.

Myka: Right.

Pete: Maybe this is what Mrs. Frederick meant by "endless freaking wonder."

Breakdown [1.10]

Pete: Done! I win! Ha ha ha ha!

Myka: It's not a race.

Pete: Said the tortoise to the hare.

Myka: You know, in the story, the tortoise actually wins.

Pete: It's a fairy tale. How is a turtle going to beat a rabbit?

Myka: It's not a fairy tale. It's a fable, a life lesson. "Slow and steady wins the race."

Pete: Here's a life lesson. Pete fast, Pete win.

---

Artie: Myka, one day will you know all answers to all questions. Just not today.

---

Claudia: What else? Okay, "repair auto-vac." Slice-o-pie. "Tighten and lubricate zip line." Sounds kind of dirty when you say it like that.

---

Myka: I just hope she's okay, you know?

Pete: Claudia's like bamboo. You can bend her all you want, but she'll never break.

---

Myka: "Baylor Dodgeball. Used for military dexterity and agility training. Multiples upon contact." That we already know. "Acquired after the... bludgeoning deaths of five cadets in 1972."

Pete: Uh, uh, bludgeoning is b-bad.

Myka: Agreed, Agreed.

---

Pete: Who smells like tuna-fish now, Ralph Brunsky?

Myka: "...Who?

Pete: (snapping out of it) ...Huh?

Myka: Who?

Pete: Oh, it's just...I was having a...little playground flashback...

---

Artie: You really expect me to believe that...?

Valda: What exactly were you expecting, Mr. Nielsen? Hooded cloaked figures standing in half-light around a perpetually burning flame?

Regent Archer: He's seen too many movies.

Artie: I... You know, I just would have thought that... this waitress is a Regent?

Valda: John Adams was a farmer. Abraham Lincoln was a small-town lawyer. Plato, Socrates were teachers. Jesus was a carpenter. To equate judgment and wisdom with occupation is at best... insulting.

---

Claudia: (mocking Artie) "What are you doing wasting time installing backup terminals in the aisles, foolish red-haired girl?" Because you never know when you might need one, Artie.

---

Claudia: It's sealed with an Omega level security code.

Myka: Can you hack it?

Claudia: Pope, Catholic, bear, woods. You know the drill.

---

Artie: So am I fired?

Mrs. Frederic: Worse. They want you to stay. Bering and Lattimer are not the best agents we've ever had. You are.

Artie: They said that?

Mrs. Frederic: It was said. And they were smart enough to believe me.

Artie: Oh. Thanks.

Mrs. Frederic: Simply the facts.

---

Claudia: Can you teach me how to do that (makes kung fu sounds, mimes a kick), because I tried it on the light switch and I think I broke my toe. I know I broke the light switch.

---

Artie: How long did you have before the warehouse was gonna explode?

Pete: Under a minute.

Claudia: More like thirty seconds.

Artie: That's lucky. I once got there with 17, and Mrs. Frederic's voice gets really annoying when she's counting down the seconds one at time.

Season 2

Time Will Tell [2.1]

[Looking through a stack of newspapers declaring H.G. Wells' support for suffragists]

Myka: That's probably why they bronzed him. Neanderthals.

---

Claudia: Boom goes the dynamite!

---

Claudia: If I had a Farnsworth, you easily could have called me.

Artie: Why call, when I can fly 5,000 miles? In coach!

---

Artie: [rubbing his head] What did you hit me with?

Claudia: Nothing. My hand. [moves a wooden baluster off to the side with her foot]

[some time later, Artie tries to put on his hat and winces]

Artie: [accusingly] That was not your hand.

Claudia: No, it wasn't.

---

Myka: Edward Prendick. From the Island of Doctor Moreau?

[Pete gives her a blank look]

Myka: You would know him as Marlon Brando.

[Pete lights up in recognition]

---

Artie: Do you smell that?

Claudia: [sniffs] Fudge!!

Mild Mannered [2.2]

Kessman: A guy in tights just leaped over a building.

Pete: Yeah, best to omit that from your report.

Kessman: What report?

Pete: All right.

---

Claudia: But there's a kink. The suit's energy-siphoning abilities drain the wearer of all vital fluids, causing paralysis in 60 minutes.

Pete: Oh, I'm only gonna need sixty seconds, 'cause I'm gonna be all biff, bang, pow!

Claudia: And in men, it causes impotence.

Pete: Whoa. (hands the suit to Myka) Here you go, Wonder Woman.

Beyond Our Control [2.3]

Kelly: Who's your supervisor? I want a name.

Pete: Oh, I'm sorry. Here, let me spell it out for you. U-N-C-L-E S-A...

Myka: "Uncle Sam." He's patriotic and he can spell. Isn't he cute?

---

Myka: Were you hit?

Pete: No, but I think my underwear is shot.

---

Artie: Somehow light and matte coalesced and a 3D projected Sherman Tank became solid enough to shell the crowd.

Myka: How is that even possible?

Pete: You're still asking that question?

Myka: I'm still hoping for an answer.

---

Artie: (creepy dance) see what you can learn from the old guy." Claudia:"what are you, having a stroke?

Artie: Now, focus on something benign. (Claudia focuses the projector on Artie) Not me! I haven't been benign since 1956!

Age Before Beauty [2.4]

Pete: Eat shield, Stabby!

---

Artie: Everybody got all their limbs?

Pete: Yeah, that's a big ten fingers and ten toes, good buddy.

---

Pete: Oh, nice, Artie. You sure know how to take the fun out of believing in legends.

Artie: No, no, no. Some legends can have a bit of truth to them.

Pete: So--so there was a real Merlin the Magician?

Artie: Fiction.

Pete: Knights of the Round Table?

Artie: Bedtime story.

Pete: Holy Grail?

Artie: Anyway...

---

Claudia: Oh, you know, texting. It's what the kids do these days instead of going to dinosaur races.

Artie: I know what texting is. Also iTunes and color television.

---

Pete: Nobody's got the picture of Dorian Gray hanging up for decoration.

Myka: Well, the real one's in the Warehouse, anyway.

Pete: Is that what that is? Man, I've got to stop looking at that.

Myka: Pete!

---

Myka: [when discussing the amount of coffee Myka has been drinking,] Oh, I don't drink them, I just like making you go get them.

Pete: Niiice!

---

Pete: It's like a game of gay Clue.

13.1 [2.5]

Hugo 1: Claudia Donovan, your file shows nine separate incident reports.

Claudia: I actually thought it'd be more.

Fargo: Guess he's got your number!

Hugo 1: Douglas Fargo, your Global Dynamics profile includes the phrase 'inappropriately pushed button' 38 times.

Fargo: Wait, wait, wait, you can access my GD file?

---

Claudia: I just saw your whole life flash before my eyes!

Fargo: (wincing) And?

Claudia: Was that a genie costume?

Fargo: Nooooo.....

---

Fargo: You can remotely access the Warehouse from your laptop?!

Claudia: I hacked in from Switzerland once.

Fargo: Sweet!

Around the Bend [2.6]

Artie: It's a museum, anything there could be an artifact. You can't let him touch anything.

Myka: Artie, it's Pete, it's a win when he doesn't lick anything.

---

Valda: Well improvised, Agent Nielson.

Artie: There is a madness to the method.

For the Team [2.7]

Claudia: Did I combust?

Merge With Caution [2.8]

Myka: I guess we can't even pretend to be normal, huh?

Pete: Normal -- Not really in our wheelhouse.

Where and When [2.10]

Claudia: [after hearing the story of HG's daughter's murder] I imagine losing a child is the worst pain you can experience.

H.G.: No. What I did to those men, after I tracked them down? *That's* the worst pain you can experience.

Buried" (Part 1) [2.11]

H.G.: I know a thing or two of the opposite sex. Many of my lovers were men.

Pete: [pause] We'll set that aside for a later time...

---

H.G.: [about HG's outfit] What? I checked. This is what the fashionable British archaeologists are wearing nowadays.

Myka: No... It's what American filmmakers think fashionable British archaeologists are wearing nowadays.

H.G.: Oh... Well, it *is* ever so comfy.

---

H.G.: [Last lines] I do hope you can forgive me.

Myka: For what?

H.G.: [Turns, revealing her modified Tesla] This.

[Zaps Pete and Myka unconscious]

Reset" (Part 2) [2.12]

Claudia: Are you going to die on us every year? Because that's really going to get old.

Artie: I'm going to keep dying 'til it takes!... Or not!

---

Claudia: Hiya Kelly. What's up?

Dr. Kelly Hernandez: Claudia, you can't be here right now. I have work to do.

[picks up a hatchet]

Claudia: Hey, Kelly. Hey hey, woah, hold on a second. What are you doing?

Dr. Kelly Hernandez: Chopping Pete up into little bits.

'Claudia: Uh-huh. And why?

Dr. Kelly Hernandez: Because I love him.

Claudia: And that's a beautiful way to express it, but, uh...

Dr. Kelly Hernandez: Claudia, if you don't get out of my way, I'm going to have to kill you.

Claudia: I'd really rather you just give me the axe

Secret Santa [2.13]

Joshua: (to Claudia) you're going to hell Claudia: I know!

Season 3

The New Guy [3.1]

Pete: I put on Abe Lincoln's hat once? Had an uncontrollable urge to free Mrs. Fredrick. Don't think that didn't get me into trouble.

Love Sick [3.3]

Jinks: Wow, I've never had a lie hurt before.

Season 4

The Ones You Love [4.9]

Myka: Is that a new necklace?

Tracy: It was a gift from Kevin last Christmas.

Myka: Good. How is Kevin?

Tracy: (shrugs) In Denver...on business...again.

Myka: Good...(looks around)...so he's safe.

Tracy: Safe?

Myka: (thinking quickly) From...all...the crazy sister fun that we're gonna have!!

---

Amanda: I feel awful...so I assume that your showing up here is not a coincidence?

Pete: (resignedly) Probably not. Look I'm sorry, Amanda, but it looks like we're dealing with a bit more of the old...(rocks hand back-and-forth)

Amanda & Pete: (in unison)...boogedy-boogedy.

Amanda: Great. What is it this time?

Pete: I'm not really sure, but...(Amanda wipes her forehead with her sleeve)...Are you OK?

Amanda: I'm feeling worse by the minute. (sips from a bottle of water)

Pete: You do look a little sweaty.

Amanda: Hmm...thank you. I was going for sweaty. Hoping for puffy later.

(Pete notices that the bottle of water Amanda has just put down is actually boiling)

---

Amanda: Pete, am I gonna be all right?

Pete: (confidently) Yeah. I'm here, OK, we're gonna fix it.

Amanda: Never really thought of you as the fix-it kinda guy. You were always much more the break-it kinda guy.

Pete: I know, right? Who'd have thought my life would get weirder after I quit drinking?

---

(Pete tries to neutralise the artefact Amanda has received, but nothing happens)

Pete: Nothing...(turns to Amanda)...do you...do you feel better?

(Amanda faints - Pete catches her before she hits the floor.)

Pete: I'll take that as a no.

---

Pete: (via the Farnsworth) Mykes, hey, are you OK?

Myka: There is something definitely wrong with Tracy. Her eyes are doing this weird...thing and then she gave me this-this tea and... (sees open canister of drain-cleaner on the counter) ...Oh my God, I think my sister tried to poison me.

Pete: Wow, you said your family was competitive but...Jeez!

Myka: No! It's obviously an artefact - I just have no idea what I'm looking for.

Pete: Same here. Amanda was whammied by something in a leather box, but I can't find anything.

Myka: Is she OK?

Pete: Well, she's super-hot.

Myka: Yes, Pete, I've met her, but if you could just set that aside for a moment?

---

Season 5

Endless [5.6]

Myka: You won't lose me because... I love you

Pete: So..that kiss was for real?

Myka: Yes

Pete: I..love you too

Myka: K, if we're gonna do this..you have to get use to doing what I say.

Pete: When do we get naked?!