So...what would you little maniacs like to do first?
You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals.
[to Wyatt's grandparents after they arrive unannounced] You ought to know better than to walk into somebody's house and start hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat!
Gary: Look, we'll just go with the situation. Okay? And I'm sure by Sunday, you'll think of something. You're a very bright guy. I have a lot of faith in you. Okay? All right?
Wyatt: I'm just being practical.
Gary: I know you are. Okay? And I appreciate it.
Wyatt: But what are we gonna do about this mess?
Gary: Wyatt, you'll have plenty of time to clean up tomorrow. Okay?
Wyatt: Okay, but don't get any B.O. on Chet's suit, or he'd kill me.
[they walk out of the room and their nerdy suits suddenly transform into posh suits]
Wyatt: Where are we going, anyway?
Gary: I don't know. She said we're gonna go downtown and... [looks at the suits] Oh, my God! Whose stuff is this? Is that your stuff? Is this yours?
Wyatt: Oh, shit. Gary, I don't know what's goin'--
Gary: Wyatt, what's goin' on here?
Wyatt: I don't know.
Gary: What is goin' on here?
Wyatt: Gary, I don't know!
Gary: I don't know what's goin' on here!
Wyatt: You look good though! All right?!
[Gary and Wyatt have a quick chat in the shower]
Gary: I could be wrong, but I think these guys are stoked for us, Wyatt.
Wyatt: I got that feelin' myself.
Gary: What do we do?
Wyatt: I don't know.
Gary: Should we go for it?
Wyatt: What about Lisa?
Gary: She did say we should party.
Wyatt: Look, let's get on with these two, score points, and go back to Lisa. This is like a dream come true.
Gary: How about if we see if we can score the points with these two and deal with the McKays when we get to them later?
Wyatt: Sounds good.
Gary: Okay, but whatever happens, we've gotta give Lisa a shot. I don't wanna hurt her feelings. Maybe the girls are lookin' for a long lean bone job from me. Ready to party now?
Gary: Let's break.
Dino: Tell me something. What's a beautiful broad like you doing with a malaka like this? Huh?
Lisa: It's purely sexual.
Dino: No shit.
Gary: She's into malakas, Dino!
[after a brief pause, Dino and his friends laugh]
Dino: "She's into malakas"! Do you believe that?!
Gary: [completely wasted] Fats, man, lemme tell you my story, man. Last year, I was insane for this crazy, little 8th grade bitch.
Fats: Crazy insane?
Man 1: Insane?
Man 2: Crazy?
Gary: I was nuts for the woman, man. Now, you gotta believe me. I'm tellin' the truth here. I speakin' to ya. I mean, I was nuts for the girl. And what did it to me was these big titties she had. For a 13-year-old girl, man? She wouldn't have had to worry 'bout no titties for the rest of her life, boy. You know, she was set. She was looking good, I saying.
Wyatt: That's the truth, baby.
Gary: I called her every night for, like, a month. I mean, I talkin' devotion, man.
Mitch: Every damn night?!
Gary: Every night, Mitch. I ain't playin' with you.
Mitch: On the telephone?
Gary: What this boy talkin' 'bout, on the telephone, man?!
Fats: Explain it to him!
Gary: Well, damn, Fats! Goddamn! We know there's a telephone!
Lisa: But he hung up on her.
Man 1: Oh, you didn't hang up on her. The chick with those big, big titties?
Gary: Hey, you. Now, here the capper. You know what the bitch did to me?
Mitch: Lay it on me.
Gary: Take this shit on. Listen to what she did to me.
Lisa: She kneed you in the nuts and called him faggot in front of everyone.
Mitch: She did what?!
Man 1: Bitch kneed your nuts?!
Gary: Bitch kneed my nuts, man! I ain't playin' with ya.
Fats: And the family jewels?
Gary: And the family jewels, man!
Wyatt: Worst pain there is.
Gary: Broke my heart in two!
Fats: She broke more than your heart.
Mitch: You can forget that other one. [points to Lisa] You got this fine jewel sittin' right over here by you.
[everyone else agrees]
Gary: Ain't that the truth, baby? That's the clean truth!
[before the party, Gary, Wyatt, and Lisa wait at the table for the guests]
Wyatt: Lisa, you have to promise me that things aren't gonna get outta control.
Lisa: Wyatt, don't worry. You're just having a few friends over.
Wyatt: I don't have any friends, Lisa.
Gary: He doesn't. Boy ain't lyin'.
[the doorbell rings]
Lisa: You do now.
[the three walk up to the door, and Lisa opens it, revealing, to Gary and Wyatt's shock, an entire street full of party guests]