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WrestleMania is a professional wrestling pay-per-view event, produced annually in late-March or early-April by World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) (formerly known as World Wrestling Federation). It is considered the flagship pay-per-view event of WWE, as it is the most successful, longest-running professional wrestling event in the world and is nicknamed "The Grandaddy of Them All", "The Grandest Stage of Them All" and "The Showcase of Immortals".

Howard Finkel: Welcome to Wrestlemania!

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Woodstock was to rock and roll, what WrestleMania is to wrestling.

Mean Gene Okerlund: Finally, your men, in a very controversial match...
"Classy" Freddie Blassie: What do you mean "controversial"? He pinned him right in the center of the ring, didn't he? Did he or did he not pin him for the count of three?
Mean Gene: Where's that cane of yours?
Blassie: What cane? I...didn't have no cane!

Mean Gene: All right, we're just moments away from the big one. When I say big, the battle of the titans. Big John Studd, Bobby Heenan, come in. Andre the Giant putting his entire career on the line.
Big John Studd: Oh man, this bag is heavy man! This is what it was all about. $15,000 that we used for bait. John Studd, the only giant of wrestling. 7 foot plus, nearly 400 pounds of solid muscle. And this is what we wanted to prove to the whole world that I am the giant in a few short moments, along with this $15,000. You're going to see me in the ring and you're going to see the last match of Andrea because he retires if he can't do it.
Mean Gene: Bobby Heenan, I'm just counting the money here.
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: You know what we did, just keep your hands to yourself here. For $15,000 and a haircut, we are eliminating Andre the Giant from professional wrestling. Oh yeah, a lot of glad-handlers out here today. Keep your hands out of there pal! Only two people are going to see this money. That's Studd and myself. Oh, three, the people at the bank when we deposit the money. But not the Giant.
Mean Gene: Stand by! It's upcoming. [to Heenan] I know.
Bobby: He's retired, he's done, he's done and don't you touch our money.

Jesse: I've seen plenty of anticlimactic Super Bowls in my day, I've seen a lot of lousy NBA Championships in my day, but we definitely are not seeing...we're seeing the greatest spectacle in wrestling history right now.

Hulk Hogan: WrestleMania, Hulk Hogan, Mr. T, Superfly Jimmy Snuka: we reign supreme, can you dig that?!
Lou Duva: He's the prospect, I think of the heavyweights out there today, he the best prospect known. He's trained diligently, he's in real good shape. Heavyweight's one punch and it's all over. Tonight, he's in shape and he's going to do his job. Right Roddy?
Rowdy Roddy Piper: I'm cute. I groomed my hair long, that way during the fight tonight, you can tell the difference between me and T. I figured some of you folks out there may get a little confused. I have got the absolute best coach in the entire world to train me. I've been down with Biggs training, with Spinks training. He went and got Smokin' Joe Frazier in his corner. Are you ribbing me? He threw a medicine ball at my belly. Didn't move an inch! I'm down to 219 pounds in 30 minutes. You see, he talks cheap! So you say Roddy, you're sitting there talking? I say this to you! I say if Mr. T can knock me out in this fight right here, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit and retire from professional wrestling, I will quit tiddlywinks, I will quit dating girls! [To Cowboy Bob Orton] I'd stick with you. I would quit it all! I right now say if T can knock me out, I will retire and I'm going to stick my head out there round after round after round and put it out there because as pretty as it is, he's going to shoot some punches, I'm going to be moving like that just like coach taught me. He's gonna shoot some more, I'm going to be moving like that. And another thing, you know Mr. T, I know you're a smart aleck. You come out with a kilt, but let me tell you something, never will I shave my hair like an Indian and paint myself black. Too-hoo!

Susan Saint James: All right, George, eat his leg!

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Hogan, your ribs are injured, you're facing the biggest, toughest man I believe you've ever faced in your career in King Kong Bundy inside a steel cage. Man, I can't believe you'd do something like that as Champion of the world!
Hulk Hogan: Well, you know, Ventura, I don't care what you believe, brother. You're gettin' paid to ask the questions. Whether my ribs are busted up or not, I'm gonna defend this World Heavyweight Title, man. It's everything I believe in, all those little Hulksters, and it stands for America, brother! Bundy's goin' down, it doesn't matter about the ribs, Ventura. And as far as Mr. T and Rowdy Roddy Piper: I'm gonna make a prediction that Mr. T's gonna come out on top because he's fightin' for what he believes in too; and Piper, just like a lot of other dudes out here [pointing thumb at Ventura], like you, Ventura, take a lot of shortcuts and go down awful quick!
Jesse: I'll just say this: good guys don't always finish first.

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, in the fourth round, the referee stops this bout, he awards the decision as a result of a disqualification to Mr. T!

Piper: If I wanted to come for a picnic, T, I would've packed a lunch.

[During the Uncle Elmer v. Adorable Adrian Adonis match]
Elvira: I have never seen so much cellulite in one place at one time, I don't think.
Jesse: Between the both of them?
Elvira: No, I was just talking about Adonis.

Elvira: I never trust a man who wears pink legwarmers.

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: No more Hulkamania, no more Hulk this, Hulk that. It's Bundymania from now on.
Susan St. James: Bundymania? It doesn't even sound good.

Jesse: Hulk is coming back with a tape of his own. Now, Alfred Hayes, what do you got to say about the champion?
Lord Alfred Hayes: Well, that's tit-for-tat, Jesse. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander.
Jesse: I figured an Englishman like you'd come up with something like that!
Elvira: You jealous because you don't have a cartoon show, Jesse?
Jesse: Don't you get on my case either, Elvira, or you won't go out with me later!

Jesse: Someday, sometime, he's gonna have to showdown with me.
Elvira: If you win, I'll go out with you.
Vince McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the magnificent Silverdome! And welcome to Wrestlemania III! And now here to sing America The Beautiful - the Queen of Soul - Ms. Aretha Franklin!!!

Bob Uecker: Little Beaver reminds me of a girl I went with about 25 years ago. She had the same haircut.

Uecker: Hey! You see what, hey!
Jesse "The Body" Ventura: What happened there?
Uecker: Little Beaver just gave Bundy a shot in the boiler.

Uecker: It's Moolah! She's here! No wonder you guys are here all the time! The moon is full and so am I! I gotta get with Moolah! I'm leavin', see you guys later!

Gorilla Monsoon: Look at that, Jess. This is unfair, the outside help to get your man back on his feet.
Jesse: You're calling that help? He threw him right into the JYD.
Jesse: What's a manager for, Monsoon?
Gorilla: A manager's to give advice, not to physically get involved.
Jesse: You're starting to irritate me a little.

Vince: Heavyweight champion of the world in the locker room just one hour away from his moment of destiny.
Hulk Hogan: Well you know they said it was my last ride man! Yesterday when I finished hanging and banging. When I jumped on the Harley man. As I went thru the intersection. As I headed for the mountains, some of the nonbelievers in the gym said, "See ya later Hulkster, man! This is your last ride." It ate me alive brothers. When I felt the fury as I ripped, as I tore this shirt, as I headed for the sunset man, I looked down brothers, and as the sun beamed off the gold in my eyes, I realized that sooner or later, you gotta live and die and you gotta face the truth. And for you, Andre the Giant, it's time to face the truth brother. Because when I think about what you and I have to do man. What I have to do is nothing. All I have to do is merely beat a seven foot four 550 pound giant. But Andre, you've gotta face the truth brother. In its purest form man. The purest truth there is man. The training, saying your prayers, eating the vitamins. And to beat me man, You've got to beat every little Hulkamaniac, every little Hulkster in the world. Everyone that plays it straight. All the ones that don't take any shortcuts brother. And they usually say "If the dirty air don't get you, the politicians will." But in this case. It's going to be Hulkamania. And the reason it's going to get you man, it's the purest form of the truth there is. And I can't wait to see you go down at the feet of Hulkamania in front of 90,000 plus in the Silverdome. What you gonna do Andre The Giant when the real truth, the 24 inch pythons and Hulkamania runs wild on you?

[Bobby Heenan comes into the broadcast booth during the Rougeau Brothers/Dream Team match]
Gorilla: The weasel has just snuck into the broadcast booth. What are you doing here, Heenan?
Jesse: Welcome to Wrestlemania III.
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Thank you Jesse. First of all, I'll speak at any place. I am two for two, Monsoon! Two for two! Billy Jerk did not beat my man! As far as I'm concerned...
Gorilla: Well, your man didn't win either.
Bobby: Just a minute, I'm talking 'cause I'm on a roll here! What happened was he knew he couldn't beat Hercules, so he kept him outside; as far as the Brain's concerned, that's a victory, we win that one! The King—you saw him in the chair, he left with the crown; the miserable Junkyard Dog, he bowed, he curtsied, he did everything we said he'd do! I am on a roll, I am 2-0
Jesse: Bobby, I'd just like to say—and I went on the record with this—I thought that was the biggest cheap shot I'd ever seen, when the JYD hit the King Harley Race with that chair.
Gorilla: Let me clear something up here a minute, Brain. You're one-for-three in my book—you didn't win the Hernandez match, King Kong Bundy lost.
Bobby: I wasn't out there for that match.
Gorilla: I don't care, he was still one of your men.
Bobby: I don't care about midgets. I don't even deal with midgets. I don't like midgets. Forget that match. Talk about my career! What I am doing. I'm making history here at Pontiac Silverdome. 2-0!

[After the Dream Team wins due to Dino Bravo's interference.]
Gorilla: I suppose you call that fair, Brain.
Bobby: A win's a win. When you're at WrestleMania, you take what you can get. It's not easy. They got a win. I got two wins and I'm going to have three wins today!
[Bravo and Johnny Valiant pull Greg Valentine out of the ring and leave Brutus Beefcake inside]
Gorilla: Look at this. Look at these three beauties, they left Bruti inside..
Howard Finkel: The winners of this contest: The Dream Team, Brutus Beefcake and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine!
Gorilla: Well, Beefcake isn't celebrating the victory is he?
Bobby: Am I on a roll or am I on a roll?
Jesse: What's the matter with that idiot Beefcake? They got the win. What's he arguing about?
Gorilla: I don't know. A lot of dissension among the ranks of the Dream Team for sure.
[Valiant, Bravo and Valentine get on the cart and leave]
Jesse: Hey, they're leaving Beefcake!
Gorilla: Look at this! They're leaving Bruti behind.
Jesse: They're leaving him! I can't believe this. What's the matter with Beefcake? What's the matter with him? He gets the winner's money!
Gorilla: What's the matter with Johnny V and the rest of his crew? Why are they leaving this guy behind?
Jesse: I can't believe this. I can't believe Beefcake. He wins the match.
Gorilla: There they go. Special match upcoming. The adorable one, Adrian Adonis and Rowdy Roddy Piper. A lot of interesting things led up to this one.
Bobby: How am I doing, Monsoon? Huh? How am I doing?
Gorilla: Horrible.

Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time I would like to introduce to you a man who allegedly tells it like it is—Jesse "The Body" Ventura!
Jesse: Hey, what are you talkin' about, "allegedly" tells it like it is. I am the man who tells it like it is!

Mary Hart: Can we just clear one thing up? It's very important for everybody to understand that Jimmy and I are not related. At one time, I might have wanted to claim that, but since he has Danny on his team, and Danny is not exactly...I just wanna let everybody know that as much as I'd like to be rooting for The Hart Foundation, I just can't under the circumstances.

Mary: We're going to have to rename Dynamite, Firecracker if he doesn't shape up now.

Mean Gene Okerlund: With me at this time, manager Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and I'm privileged to be standing next to the most extraordinary athlete of all time. He is not elected until this date to challenge Hulk Hogan for the Heavyweight Championship, and this afternoon at WrestleMania III, Bobby Heenan, your man, André the Giant will be doing just that.
Bobby: You bet he's going to be doing just that. He's going to become the heavyweight champion of the world and I'll tell you why. First of all, the man is undefeated in over 15 years as a professional athlete. Hulk Hogan has never been in the ring or met a man bigger than him, stronger than him, taller than him, that weighs more than him, and with a burning will inside more than Andre the Giant. You see Hogan, few short hours from now that clock is ticking, and it's ticking in our direction, not yours. Hulkamania is over. Hulkamania is dead. The doors going to be shut on the history books on Hulk Hogan once and for all. There is a new Heavyweight Champion of the world. The odds on favorite in Las Vegas and all over the whole wrestling world, they're picking Andre the Giant. Nobody can defeat this man. Nobody even can come close to defeating this man. And Hogan, I know it's happening to you now because it's happening to me. The butterflies are in my stomach. The adrenaline's flowing thru my veins and I'm getting ready, 'cause I'm gonna manage the Heavyweight Champion of the world. And Hogan, hey you've had three good years. You've got nothing to look back on. But it's all over. Andre the Giant, the new heavyweight champion of the world.
Mean Gene: The biggest Heavyweight Title bout of all time. Andre the Giant to meet Hulk Hogan.

Gorilla: Jess, I wanna go on record of saying you were one of the guys—you and the weasel-breath Bobby "The Brain" Heenan—who said that this guy would never step back in the ring.
Jesse: Well, I'll go on the record, he surprised me. You know, they said he's got a lot of heart; but I personally say he's got a lot of throat, because it wasn't the heart that got hurt.

[Savage has sent Steamboat over the railing into the crowd]
Jesse: What's Dave Hebner doing? He should be counting Steamboat right here.
Gorilla: He's reprimanding the champion.
Jesse: [As George Steele is helping Steamboat back in the ring] Yeah, but he's giving Steamboat a chance to recover and he's letting Animal Steele out there. Now look at, you talked earlier on about how managers should not be touching people and helping people–look what's going on out there.
Gorilla: He's not a manager, he's a friend.
Jesse: Oh that's different then. He should've been counted out by Dave Hebner, the referee. I've already counted to 20.

Gorilla: [after Savage kicks Steamboat in the head] Oh, he put his head down. I don't blame him, he's probably exhausted.
[Savage runs at Steamboat, who backdrops him over the top rope]
Gorilla and Jesse: OH!!!
Gorilla: Backdropped right over the top.
Jesse: That should be a disqualification. That was an intentional throw over the top by Steamboat to save himself.
Gorilla: Just like the deliberate clothesline; I'd say they're even right now, Jess.
Jesse: I tell you, you got an answer for everything, Gorilla.
Gorilla: Well, that's why I'm here—to keep you in line.

[As Savage climbs to the top rope with the bell, Steele shoves him off]
Jesse: Flagrant interference from the outside.
Gorilla: The Animal pushed him right off. I think the bell rang Savage in the head, Jess. But the champ still in control... [Savage attempts to body slam Steamboat, who grabs the leg and rolls into a small package] No, small package by the Dragon.
[Hebner counts to three]
Jesse: No!
Gorilla: He got him! I don't believe it! History is made!
Jesse: You talk about a miscarriage of justice, Monsoon! Flagrant outside interference on the part of Animal Steele!
Gorilla: History made here in the Silverdome for WrestleMania III!
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat!
Gorilla: Standing ovation by this capacity crowd, Elizabeth was in tears, Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat the new Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion.
Jesse: Well, all I've got to say, Gorilla Monsoon, is that Steamboat'd better cut that belt in half and give half of it to George "The Animal" Steele, because without "Animal" Steele's flagrant interference, "Macho Man" Randy Savage would've won; he had Steamboat pinned for 30 or 40 seconds. Deny that.
Gorilla: But the referee was out of it, Jess. I'm not denying that fact.

Gorilla: I don't wanna hear the Honky Tonk Man sing.
Jesse: Really? You'd rather hear Alice sing?
Gorilla: Well, yeah, or anybody else, for that matter.

Jesse: I'd like to see Jimmy Hart get his hands on Alice Cooper.
Gorilla: Please, are you kidding? All 101 pounds of him.
Jesse: Hey, Alice don't weigh but about 112 and a quarter.
Gorilla: Yeah, but Alice's got snakes, Jess.

Howard: Ladies and Gentleman, may I have your attention please? I have just been informed that we have a very special announcement and here to give the announcement is the World Wrestling Federation's own - Mean Gene Okerlund!
[Mean Gene enters the ring to a huge round of applause and then grabs the microphone to make the history making announcement]
Mean Gene: Alright, Ladies and gentlemen. We all are part of history in the making here this afternoon for WrestleMania III. I have come to the Silverdome, like you to be part of this historic date: March the twenty-ninth 1987. Thanks to our millions of fans all around the world, and a special thanks as we have established - all of us - a brand new indoor attendance record - of 93,173. Give yourself a big hand.
[The audience cheers as the spotlights roam the arena]
Jesse: Wow!
Gorilla: 93,173 here in the Silverdome, Pontiac, Michigan.
Mean Gene: Let's hear it!
Gorilla: History has indeed been made.
Jesse: Bigger than the Rolling Stones.
Gorilla: You got that right.
Jesse: Broke the record that the Rolling Stones set in New Orleans. 93,173 — Gorilla, did they count you and I in that, or is it 175?
Gorilla: I don't think they counted you and I, Jess.
Jesse: Well then I think we should bump it up two more.

[Nikolai Volkoff is starting to sing the Soviet National Anthem prior to the match between The Killer Bees and himself and The Iron Sheik when Hacksaw Jim Duggan runs down the aisle and chases them outside the ring.]
Hacksaw Jim Duggan: Volkoff. Volkoff understand one thing, you're not singing that Russian National Anthem. Because this is the land of the free, and the home of the brave!!!

Mean Gene: Andre the Giant, just moments away from your stepping through the ropes and into the ring to meet Hulk Hogan in the biggest title match of all time. I want to get your thoughts.
André The Giant: Gene, you see me now. And I'm going to the ring and believe me, it's not going to take me too long to come back right in front of the camera with the World Championship belt around my waist.
Mean Gene: Bobby?
Bobby: Oh I can feel it. Oh the adrenaline's going! This man right here is going to make me famous. He's going to become the Heavyweight Champion of the world, and I'm going to go down in the history books as the manager of the World's Heavyweight Champion. I'm ready. Hogan, you'd better be ready!

Mean Gene: Moments away from the biggest Heavyweight Title defense for this man ever. Hulk Hogan, you've got to be ready.
Hogan: Well you know, I hope Pontiac, Michigan recovers, man! I'm glad I snuck in early last night, brother! I didn't realize the interstates, the Pontiac Silverdome was in danger! Not the 90,000 plus on the inside! It's the 90,000 plus on the outside of the Silverdome! Those are the ones I'm worried about, because when I get my hands on that big nasty giant, when he faces the truth, when he feels the wrath of Hulkamania, the day the whole Earth is going to shake! What are those 90,000 plus Hulkamaniacs on the outside gonna think? I'm not worried about the people on the closed circuit. I'm not worried about the people all around the world. They'll see it! But the intensity of Hulkamania, the way it's turned this whole state upside down, the way the whole world's turned upside down, what are they gonna think when the giant hits the ground, he feels the wrath of Hulkamania and the whole world shakes at my feet?
Mean Gene: We could conceivably blow the roof off this great facility, the Silverdome.

Jesse: [said at every WrestleMania] I wanna say hi to Terry, Tyrel, and Jade in Minneapolis.

Uecker: This is the main event of the evening. It is for the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Championship. Scheduled for one fall with a one hour time limit. First, the challenger, accompanied by his manager, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. He hails from Grenoble in the French Alps. He weighs 520 pounds...Andre the Giant!
Gorilla: An awesome figure. The 7'5" frame of Andre the Giant who has literally been brainwashed by that man right there, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
Jesse: No, I disagree with you a little, Gorilla. The man has never had a championship title match. Don't you feel, in a 15-year illustrious career, that he should be granted one shot at the title?
Gorilla: Jess, the man never, #1, asked for a title match, and #2, never wanted a title match. To my knowledge.
Jesse: [overlapping] He—never wanted it? Well, to your knowledge is wrong, because right here he's got one, and he definitely asked for it—he ripped the shirt off the champion, as well as the crucifix. I figure that's a direct way of asking for it.
Gorilla: Yeah, it certainly is, but all that came at the provocation of that guy right there with the white waiter's jacket on, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.
Jesse: There he is: 7'5", 525, neck 24, chest 71, biceps 21, hands 16, wrists 11 inches, forearms 17, thighs 36, calves 22.
Gorilla: We could be looking at the next heavyweight champion of the world.
Jesse: And I just gave you the tale of the tape!
Uecker: And now his opponent. He is from Venice Beach, California...
[Hulk Hogan's theme song "Real American" is played]
Uecker: Weighing in at 294 pounds. He is the World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion, Hulk Hogan!
Gorilla: The roof of the Silverdome about to explode here! As the Hulkster greets...and these 93,000 plus greet him. You're looking at the greatest professional athlete in the world today. The world's heavyweight champion.
Jesse: For right now, Gorilla, he may not be a few moments from now. Let me run it down. Hogan: 6'8", 294, neck 21, chest 58, biceps at a phenomenal 24 inches, forearms 18, wrists 9 inches, hands 13 and a half, thighs 30 and a half, calves 20, the tale of the tape!
Gorilla: A phenomenal individual. And Hulkamania— look at it, Jess. It's alive, and running well.
Jesse: You got 93,173 fans standing on their feet for this one, Gorilla, and I hope my voice holds up!
Gorilla: It's holding up just fine, Jess! And look at the Hulkster. What an unbelievable individual he is. And what a representative as the world's heavyweight champion.
Jesse: This is the biggest match in the history of professional wrestling.
Gorilla: No question. This is the final time, Jess—win, lose or draw for the Hulkster—to wear that particular belt to the ring.

Gorilla: Look at the stare of the champion against the challenger. The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.
Jesse: Look at the size of the Giant! I mean Hogan is 6'8"!
Gorilla: Andre is 7'5"! The bell has gone, this one is officially underway. Look at the look of disdain on the face of Andre.
Jesse: What's Hogan saying to him, I wonder? What could Hogan possibly be saying to him?
Gorilla: Certainly like to be able to read lips at this point.
Jesse: He's almost, he's hulking up right now!
Gorilla: Shove by Andre and the champion retaliates. Oh, big right hand blocked by the champion and the Hulkster unloading! Going for a slam! Oh, he almost got him up. Oh, he collapsed! One, two. [Hulk kicks out] Two count only.
Jesse: Two count? Was that two or was that three?
Gorilla: Two count only.
Jesse: Ooh, that was close, Gorilla!
Gorilla: Shoulder was up.
Jesse: Oh, was that close. Andre thinks he's won it just like that. Hogan is hurt! Hogan went for a bodyslam early in the bout and he may have injured his back.
Gorilla: May have hurt that lower back area for sure with that extreme weight of Andre the Giant. Referee showing the timekeeper that it was a two count and the shoulder came up.

Gorilla: He's hulking up, Jess! We're seeing what this guy is made of! What he is! The greatest professional athlete in the world today--
[Hulk Hogan scoops up Andre the Giant]
Gorilla: Look at this!
Gorilla: [overlapping]: HE SLAMMED THE GIANT!
Gorilla: Hulk dropping the big leg! Over for the cover! [Hulk pins Andre] IT'S OVER!
Jesse: HE GOT HIM! UNBELIEVABLE! I never thought it could be done Gorilla!
Gorilla: Neither did these 93,000 plus as the world's heavyweight champion, Hulk Hogan has proven to everyone what he's made of.
Jesse: What can I say? I never thought it could be done, Gorilla Monsoon.
Gorilla: He's thanking the guy upstairs Jess, as he always does. Let's get the official announcement.
Uecker: The winner of the bout, and still World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight Champion — Hulk Hogan!!
Gorilla: Listen to the ovation. He is truly a Real American Jess.
Jesse: What could I say? I'm the man who tells it like it is. I'll give credit where credit is due. I never thought the man could ever defeat Andre the Giant.
Gorilla: Never underestimate the ability of the World's Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan - he proved a lot of guys wrong Jesse.
Jesse: That he did Gorilla.
Gorilla: You're looking at a tremendous individual. [Andre and Bobby Heenan prepare to leave the arena, but not before Andre threatens Hulk saying "I'll be back"]
Jesse: That's the first time in 15 years that Andre the Giant had ever been defeated.
Gorilla: Ever been slammed for that matter Jesse.
Jesse: Wow. And that's 525 lbs. and that's not dead barbell weight, that's 525 pounds of living flesh that he picked up and slammed.
Jesse "The Body" Ventura: You know Uecker, if Vanna White is great taste then she's less filling then.
Bob Uecker: Yes I'm really familiar with that.

Jesse: Hey Uecker! I'll bet you never saw anything like this when you were in baseball!
Uecker: Nah, this looks like the final day of cut down day in Spring Training!

Uecker: [during the invitational battle royal] Dr. Frank Jobe would have a picnic at this thing.
Jesse: Hey, Uecker, know something?
Uecker: Yeah, what?
Jesse: With your lifetime batting average of .200, that means with every swing, you could only hit one guy out of five.

Uecker: Well, at least the guys that went out first got their per diem money.
Gorilla Monsoon: Well...
Uecker: You know what I mean?
Gorilla: Yes, I know.
Uecker: It's the only way to go.
Gorilla: Please! I'm going to have trouble broadcasting with the Body and Uecker here.

Uecker: [After Ken Patera eliminated Nikolai Volkoff, he gets Boris Zhukoff out as well] Hey U.S.A is in! Yes sir!
Jesse: [Bad News Brown eliminates Patera from behind] Yeah there went U.S.A., Uecker.

Jesse: That's kinda like talking to the third base coach before you lay down the bunt, Uecker. Then again, in your case, Ueck, you gotta make contact with the ball.

Robin Leach: [reading proclamation] "Whereas the World Wrestling Federation has experienced certain extraordinary circumstances concerning the Championship, and whereas the World Wrestling Federation sought to establish a fair and just way to diligently determine who should be the undisputed WWF Champion, and whereas WrestleMania IV has selected as the specific site to determine who will be the undisputed Champion by way of an elimination championship tournament, and whereas the top 14 competitors in the World Wrestling Federation have been selected and paired and are present in readiness to compete, I now proclaim that the championship tournament should begin." With champagne wishes and caviar dreams, may the best man win. I'm Robin Leach and I do know why.

Jesse: You know what'd be unique that just came to mind to me, Gorilla? Let's say if DiBiase advances here, and let's say Andre beats Hogan, that means that DiBiase and Andre would face each other...correct?
Gorilla: Not necessarily—if DiBiase's victorious here, he has to meet the winner of the Muraco/Bravo match.
Jesse: Right, but let's just say that DiBiase wins twice, it could end up Andre/DiBiase; what will happen?
Gorilla: Well, money will talk, I think, Jess.
Jesse: You think Andre'd step aside, or will DiBiase step aside and let Andre go forward, feeling he's the unbeatable man?
Gorilla: Well, it's possible, but he tried that before, and he knows that he can't get the belt without beating the champion.

Uecker: For what you did to that dog, the ASPCKGBY ought to be on you forever.
Bobby: I don't have to take insults from you or anybody else. You talk about people writing in letters? You had over 700,000 votes to get into the Hall of Fame. You'd have had a lot more than that, but you ran out of stamps.

Jesse: What was your biggest weight that you wrestled at?
Gorilla: 440. Superheavyweight.
Jesse: 440. The heck did you eat when you weighed 440?
Gorilla: Just about everything...
Jesse: I know, you were on a see-food diet, right? You ate everything you saw.

Jesse: I know right where Vanna's at, but I just can't say my room number over the air.

Gorilla: It takes a man-and-a-half to do that.
Jesse: What, to sit out there and pose?

[Tito Santana hits Demolition Ax with his flying formarm.]
Jesse: Chico learned that move in the Mexican Football League. The MFL.

Uecker: Introducing first: accompanied by himself...uh-uh—he's got the big boy with him, Andre the Giant. Here is the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.
[On the Twin Towers—Akeem and the Big Bossman]
Gorilla Monsoon: Biggest tag team in professional wrestling today, bar none.
Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Well, I won't argue with that unless you've got a double, Gorilla.

Gorilla: Million dollar champion? Who did he beat?
Jesse: I know who he beat. He beat the banker.

[During the match between Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Ted DiBiase]
Gorilla: If you make a mistake in this league, it'll cost you the match.
Jesse: But not the Million Dollar Belt.
Gorilla: No, definitely not, because the guy wouldn't put it up.
Jesse: Yeah, but you know, you think about it Gorilla, what is Brutus putting up for collateral?
Gorilla: His reputation.
Jesse: Aw, that's worth about two cents.

Jesse: [on the Bushwhackers' walk to the ring] Gorilla, I noticed you the other night walking through the casino looking like that.
Gorilla: Me?! Walking through it looking like that?
Jesse: Walking like that. Why is that?
Gorilla: Was I? Well, sometimes it happens. You know, you get caught...
Jesse: Were you hittin' the joy juice, Gorilla?
Gorilla: No, absolutely not.
Jesse: You know what that does to animals.
Gorilla: Yeah, no, I never partake.
Jesse: Here's two guys that look like they're on the joy juice. Some kind of juice.
Gorilla: I tell you what, in your day, Jess, they would've been tough for anybody because they're so unorthodox.
Jesse: What do you mean, in my day? When was I around, when Henry Ford built his first car?
Gorilla: No, but you were around when I was still in the squared circle and I've retired.
Jesse: No, no, no!
Gorilla: You don't think so. I remember it quite well.
Jesse: Look at this, they got poor Jimmy's coat, and these guys'd probably eat it. They probably didn't get enough to eat at brunch.

Jesse: You got to give Mr. Fuji credit. He ran that 5K run in a tux too.
Gorilla: Boy, has he got you to be a believer! He wasn't even sweating in the end! He obviously got onto one of those pushcarts on the boardwalk and had someone push him around for 2 3/4 miles.
Jesse: I can't believe the jealousy in you Monsoon. Fuji's out there training while you're throwing dice.

Mean Gene Okerlund: Rick Martel, what kind of an explanation do you have for actions out there?! You left Tito Santana high and dry! You walked away from your tag team partner!
Rick Martel: Well, as far as I'm concerned, he just got what he deserved. I'm sick and tired of him, and I'm sick and tired of carrying him around. I was doing great when...ever since I've been in WWF as a singles wrestler, but no—Mr. Tito wants to ride my coattail once more. I'm sick and tired of him; I've been carrying him around too long already!
Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Martel, you're out of line. Strike Force was supposed to be a team! A team!
Martel: I don't want to be associated with that guy, he's a loser! You saw his timing was way off. You're lucky that being the gentleman that I am that I just walked off. That could have been a lot worse for you Tito Santana. I'm tired, I'm fed up with you!

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentleman, as a very special attraction of WrestleMania V, it is now time for Piper's Pit!
Gorilla: Oh, I'm gonna like this.
Howard: Without any further ado, let me introduce to you a man who needs no introduction. A man who hosts his very own talk show named after him. A man who thru thick and thin has never backed down from anyone. A man who pulls no punches and does things his way. A man who when you say 'Rowdy', there's only one....Ladies and gentlemen...
[Rowdy Roddy Piper's theme hits]
Gorilla: Oh there's the bagpipes.
Jesse: Well, it's been a long time since we've seen the Rowdy one Gorilla.
Gorilla: I can't wait to get a look at him. {The curtain rises, but instead of Rowdy Roddy Piper, Brother Love appears. Wait a minute!
Jesse: Ha ha!
Gorilla: That's not Piper.
Jesse: That's Brother Love.
Gorilla: What's he doing with a kilt on? Come on.
Jesse: Boy Gorilla, did you get taken for a ride on that one?
Gorilla: What is this, some kind of a joke or what?
Jesse: Fooled you. Fooled Howard Finkel. Fooled everybody.
Gorilla: Take a look at those legs. Are we saying at this particular time that the Rowdy one is not gonna make an appearance?
Jesse: I don't know. But he got scared of Brother Love.
Gorilla: I doubt that very much.
Jesse: Well, where would Brother Love get that kilt from?
Gorilla: The same place he gets all those rings from.
Jesse: Piper may be laying in the back beaten up by Brother Love.
Gorilla: Highly unlikely.
Jesse: And on top of that, with no pants.
Gorilla: Aw please.
Jesse: Or I should say no skirt.
Gorilla: I'm sure we'll find out very shortly what's going on obviously a change in the order of events as to who is supposed to come out first.
Jesse: Apparently, it's no longer gonna be a pit. It's gonna be the Brother Love Show.
[Howard Finkel introduces Brother Love to the audience]
Brother Love: I...love...you...
Jesse: He's talking to you Gorilla.
Gorilla: Yeah, well the feeling isn't mutual.
Brother Love: And welcome to the Brother Love show. And as my special guest, I have a very special guest. His name is Brother Rodney....Piper. [Brother Love sits down on one of the stools and continues] Brother Rodney, welcome to the Brother Love show. [Brother Love takes off his glasses, gets up and sits in the stool seated right next to him.]
Gorilla: He's not playing with a full deck.
Jesse: Look.
Brother Love: [impersonating Rowdy Roddy Piper] Oh gosh Brother Love. You know, I gotta tell ya, it's a pleasure to be on your show. I watch ya every single week. Your on TV. Ya know, I love your show. I love it when ya say I love you just as much as you say you love me. I love it. I'm in awe.
Jesse: Hey, not bad.

Brother Love: You know, brother Morton, I love you. But you see, that doesn't mean that I like you.
Morton Downey Jr.: Let me tell you, Brother Love—any guy who wears a skirt, I don't want to love me.
Brother Love: Well, tell me, Brother Morton, how does feel to be here on The Brother Love Show? You see, I'm running the show here.
Morton: You ain't running nothing, fat boy, with a belly like that.

Rowdy Roddy Piper: You know, Brother Love, with them cute little knees like that, your hair all breezed back, that cute little flower there, and that tie, the only thing that bothers me is that your face is red, and I don't know if that's high blood pressure, or you're just scared to death of me.
Brother Love: You can't scare me.
[Piper screams once, sending Brother Love back in a fright]
Piper: Well so far, we know he's a liar.

Piper: Is there anything about you at all that may be from Scotland?
Brother Love: I'm a little bit Scotch.
Piper: If you're a little bit Scotch, then— Scotch, did you say?
Brother Love: Yeah, Scotch.
Piper: Scotch is what a Scotsman drinks. Now if you are any part of you a Scotsman, then...under that skirt there...
Brother Love: This is a kilt.
Piper: No, no, this here's a kilt; that's a dress, baby.
Brother Love: That looks more like a dress.
[Starts to look under Piper's kilt]
Piper: I'll bite your face off if you do that. Tell me. If you are a real Scotsman, then you don't got nothin' under that kilt there, do you? Huh? No, I mean it! If you are a real Scotsman, there ain't a lick of thing under there. Excuse me, I should rephrase that. I don't mean he hasn't got anything under the kilt, I should say you're not wearing anything. We all know you ain't got nothin' under there!

Piper: You know, there was, a long time ago, there was a great bass tenor, and he was your father. He was an Irish tenor. His name wasn't Downey. Why do you call yourself Morton Downey Jr.?
Morton: That's the name your mama wanted to call me from the husband who reared me.
[Piper steps away contemplating revenge for the burn, but comes back with a smile]
Piper: Oh, my, my, my, my, my, my. Funny guy. Okay. Tell me something, Mr. Downey. You used to have all these nasty warts all over your face—big, nasty green ones. The only thing you could go out with was a guy who rang bells and used to walk [with hunchback] hello, nice to see ya. What happened to the warts?
Morton: I gave them to a homeless warthog.
Piper: I didn't know your girlfriend was homeless.

Piper: I'm gonna ask you one more time, please don't blow the smoke in my face. I'm talking to a guy, this is the guy here that said...[Morton takes a puff and blows it out towards the audience] Thank you very much, that's mighty white of you. This is the guy here... [Morton takes another puff, and immediately turns and blows in Piper's face] You know, that's, like, the fourth time you've done that, and I'm goin' say this to you again: Don't blow no more smoke in my face. Do you understand that?
Morton: Try it. Try it. You'll like it. [Morton slowly blows in Piper's face, who takes it in] You like it? That good? Think about that. That's good. That's good. That's good for you, that's healthy. Look, you could live as long as I have.
Piper: You know something? You know, wait a second. I judged you wrong! That's true, that was kind of nice. Gave me that kind of aromas, early goat's flavor in my lungs, made my skin yellow. You know, would you happen to have one of those for me? I'd like to smoke one of them. Would you mind just lighting up one of them puppies, and give it on over to ol' Hot Rod here, would you? Do that for me. [As Morton's back in turned, Piper lifts and replaces a stool, revealing a fire extinguisher, which Piper picks up] Yo, Mr. Downey, give me that smoke, would ya?
[As Morton turns around, Piper blasts the extinguisher in his face, sending him to the ground.]
Gorilla: I think the fire's out, Jess.

[Following the premiere of the trailer of Hulk Hogan's movie No Holds Barred]
Gorilla: No Holds Barred. Holy mackerel! Jesse, I believe the Hulkster's invading your territory.
Jesse: [outraged] How dare him step into Hollywood, Gorilla Monsoon! Let me tell you something, Hulk Hogan. Hollywood is my domain. But I can see why you're doing it. You're doing it, Hogan, because you're going to lose to the Macho Man! And when you lose to him, you're going to have no job Hulk Hogan! So you're going to have to come out to Hollywood? Try to invade my territory? It ain't big enough for the both of us Hogan! But if you want to come out, I'll give Hogan a job in Hollywood, HE CAN DRIVE MY LIMO!!
Gorilla: Completely bent out of shape, Jesse Ventura. Talking about people infringing on his territory. Merely, the Hulkster's gone out and made a movie, the name of it, No Holds Barred. Boy, we've seen plenty of action so far here in Wrestlemania V. Of course, Demolition retaining their World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Championship belts and did it in a really good fashion, putting away Mr. Fuji. [Jesse returns] You're having second thoughts? It was very unprofessional of you, Jess, to just storm out of here like that.
Jesse: I'm a professional, Monsoon. They're paying me big money to be here. I'll earn it and don't you give me no hard time. I've had enough for now!

Mean Gene: Hulk Hogan, the only thing I can say what a difference a year makes. A year ago at this time at Wrestlemania IV, you were at the side of The Macho Man when he became the undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champ. One year later, here in Atlantic City, you're going to be challenging this very same man for the world crown.
Hogan: Well, you know you're exactly right, Mean Gene! One year ago, brother, me and The Macho Man were as one! We were best of friends! We would do anything to win together, brother! And if you would've told me one year later right in the very same place that it started, in the Trump Plaza that we'd be locking horns, going head on head for the WWF Championship, I'd a called you a liar, Mean Gene! But you know something? I should've seen this thing coming, man. As The Mega Powers team was formed, brother, as the SummerSlams, as the Survivor Series went down, as the Mega Powers started growing together, the Mania was a little bit ahead of the Madness, man, but it really didn't matter! You were either in, or you were either out, brother! You either believe, or you didn't, man! And you were either ready, or you weren't! The Macho Man made me feel that he believed in the three demandments--of the prayers, the training, and the vitamins! He made me believe that he was in my corner, Mean Gene! And he also made me believe that he was ready to fight all odds! That's why I stuck with him, brother. That's why we stayed together so long.
Mean Gene: You know it's that relationship with The Mega Powers deteriorated even further...Macho Man Randy Savage went so far as to attack your Hulkamaniacs.
Hogan: Oh, yeah! He did more than just attack the Hulkamaniacs, brother! He went so far as to put our manager, the lovely Elizabeth, right between us, man! It was him that eaten alive by the jealousy! It was him that was eaten alive by the lust, brother! It was a simple fact that The Macho Man couldn't be the man that all my Hulkamanics wanted him to be, brother. He couldn't handle the load! He couldn't handle the pressure! But what really tore us apart, was the way he was so jealous of Hulkamania. The way he put Elizabeth between us. The way he manipulated her. The way he twisted this whole beautiful thing around! But I found out one thing, Macho Man. You're not a believer in the demandments, brother! Brother, you're a cheap shot artist! You take whatever you can, get as quick as you want! You were never in my corner! You were always on the outside waiting for me to make the first move! But just like Donald Trump, Macho Man, I hope you're ready, brother, because Donald Trump has questions in his own mind! He sent a whole team of seismologists out here to check the foundation of the Trump Towers! Because, when the Mega Powers explode off the launching pad, brother, as we erupt over the whole Atlantic City, he was worried about the foundation! He was worried that the thousands of people in the arenas might become unseated and swallowed by The Earth! Donald Trump, don't worry about my Hulkamaniacs. They're survivors. They're ready. But YOU, Macho Man, I don't care where you stand! I don't care what you believe in! All I'm want from you is your best! I want you to be ready! I want the Macho Madness to be at his peak, because when Hulkamania rules, when Hulkamania lives forever, when Hulkamania puts you down on your knees, I want the whole world to realize that I beat you at your best! And at the end of Wrestlemania V, I will be the World Wrestling Federation Champion! And whatcha gonna do, Macho Man, when the whole world full of Hulkamaniacs DESTROY YOU?

Jesse: C'mon Gorilla, quit playing such favorites out here. Announcing...
Gorilla: If the shoe fits, put it on that's what I say, Jess.
Jesse: I used to like broadcasting with you. You're getting worse than McMahon.
Gorilla: I am?

Gorilla: [on Sensational Sherri] She's comparing herself to Miss Elizabeth? Give me a break. The two shouldn't even be mentioned in the same sentence.
Jesse: One's a woman, and one's a girl.

Jesse: I had a manager in 1981, Classy Freddie Blassie.
Gorilla: Yeah, he took your career straight down the toilet.

Gorilla: [During a match between Bad News Brown and Hacksaw Jim Duggan] Bad News looking for some additional help in the form of a steel chair.

Howard: The referee has disqualified both men!

Gorilla: Why does he keep badmouthing Elizabeth, Jess? Why doesn't he leave her alone?
Jesse: She deserves it. She ought to be in his corner doing what she— hey, he took her to the top, Gorilla.
Gorilla: He also slapped her all around in the dressing room.
Jesse: Who the hell was Elizabeth before she got with Macho?!
Gorilla: She was his manager! How do you think he ever got a title shot?!
Jesse: Not from her!

Jesse: Oh he raked his eyes! I tell you, I don't know how the pukesters can cheer for this guy. He's as dirty as they get!

Jesse: If the Macho Man successfully defends the title, finally, finally we'll have two champions that I like.
Gorilla: You're referring to Ravishing Rick Rude and the Macho Man?
Jesse: Absolutely. Those are champions kids can be proud of.

Jesse: [on Hulk Hogan] Right there you've got a guy who will stoop to any level, he'll stoop to any level to get what he wants.
Mean Gene Okerlund: I'm standing here with the World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions: the awesome force of the Colostomy Connect...
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Hey, hey, baldy, what did you call them?
Mean Gene: The Colossal Connection!
Bobby: No you didn't!
Mean Gene: What did I say?
Bobby: Never mind. But if you want to talk evacuation, fine. Because that's exactly where Demolition is headed.
Andre the Giant: Right.
Bobby: They're headed straight to the treatment plant. And gentlemen, we know how we're going to treat them, don't we?
Colossal Connection: We're going to eliminate them! [Andre laughs evilly]
Bobby: Come on! Let's get moving.
Mean Gene: All right! The Colossal Connection—they're anything but regular guys.

Gorilla Monsoon: [as Earthquake poses] Reminded me of you in your younger days, Jess.
Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Now, wait a minute. I had a little more definition than the Earthquake.

Jesse: Sean Connery was named "Sexiest Man in the World," and he has my hairstyle.
Gorilla: I know that.
Jesse: You know how I can't miss in Hollywood, Gorilla? I got Paul Newman's eyes, I got Kirk Douglas's chin, and Robert Duvall's haircut. How can I lose?
Gorilla: But what do you have of your own, Jess?
Jesse: [pause] ...And here comes Brutus.

Gorilla: Well, Tito can knock you out with that flying forearm if you know, Jess.
Jesse: Yeah, a burrito will do it, too.

Jesse: They said "with a combined weight of 465 lbs." You're telling me that Rhodes only weighs 200?!

Gorilla: Look at this, Sapphire coming around to save— standing right in front of "The Dream."
Jesse: Nail her, Macho! Jump right off on her!
Gorilla: I can't believe you just said that.
Jesse: Hey, she wants to play lumberjack, let her carry her end of the log!

Mean Gene: I find that you're tougher to get along with than a mother-in-law on a weekend visit to my house.
Bobby: Don't you concern yourself about getting along with me. I'm the easiest guy in the world to get along with; but when you're 540 lb., 7'4", and it takes two and a half hours for the blood to reach the brain, you don't think real right!
Mean Gene: Wait a minute, Bobby Heenan, where do you have the bal— the nerve to hit Andre the Giant in the face?
Bobby: I'll tell you where I got the nerve to hit Andre in the face. You take orders from me! I'm the head of the Family! You listen to me, you go to the top; you don't listen to me, you're never heard from again! You have just committed pal...........
Mean Gene: What are you at a loss for words now?
Bobby: No I'm not! We lost the championship! Because he stood on the apron, wouldn't get in the ring, wouldn't help Haku. Haku had to carry the load! I'm starting a new Heenan family. Ones that will listen to me...

[At the interview area]
Mean Gene: Hulk Hogan, the greatest World Wrestling Federation champion of all time. Here we are at Wrestlemania VI, the waiting's over, here comes the Ultimate Challenge.
Hulk Hogan: You know something Mean Gene, you don't have to remind me and my Hulkamaniacs that at Skydome we're gonna face the Ultimate Challenge, brother. When we crossed the border from the United States of America to Canada, I was hovering over Skydome, brother, I saw what was beneath me man. I saw the greatest arena of all times, where the Ultimate Challenge will take place... and as we landed, brother, nothing but stark-raving Hulkamaniacs were there to great me at the airport. Nothing but positive vibes, man. Hulkamania is running wild like it's never ran before! But the Ultimate Warrior, you must realize that when you step into Skydome, when you feel the energy that's gonna run wild throughout the arena, those are my people. That's my energy brother and Ultimate Warrior, [points to his hand] this is where the power lies, man. In the power of the Hulkster, the largest arms in the world, and once I get you down on your knees, Ultimate Warrior, I'm gonna ask you one question, brother. I'm gonna ask you: do you want to live forever? And if your answer is yes, Ultimate Warrior, then breathe you last breath into my body. I can save ya, my Hulkamaniacs can save ya. We can turn the darkness that you live in into the light. We can save all your little warriors with the training, the prayers, and the vitamins. But I gotta prove one thing to all my Hulkamaniacs out there — it's not whether you win or whether you lose, the only thing that matters is what kind of winner you are or what kind of loser you are, and Ultimate Warrior, I sure hope you're a good loser, brother. Whatcha ya gonna do at Skydome when the largest arms in the world and Hulkamania destroys you?
Mean Gene: Alright, the time is now. Hulkster, thank you; standing by is Sean Mooney.
[Cut to the locker room. There we see Sean Mooney with the Ultimate Warrior, who's pacing around the room.]
Sean Mooney: Thank you, Mean Gene. I'm with the reigning Intercontinental Champion, the...
The Ultimate Warrior: [interrupting] Ahhhhh... You are nothing but a normal! You don't deserve to breathe the same air that I and Hulk Hogan do! [Throws Mooney out of the room] Hulk Hogan, I must ask you now as you asked me: do you, Hulk Hogan, want your ideas, your beliefs to live forever? For, Hulk Hogan, in this normal world, physically, none of us can live forever. But the places you have taken the Hulkamaniacs, the ideas and beliefs you have given them, can live through me, Hulk Hogan. That is why I breathe, that is why the Warriors have come. Hulk Hogan, there are ones that question where you are taking them. Do you no longer want to walk or step into that darkness? Hulk Hogan, the darkness I speak of is nothing of fear. It is about the beliefs... of accepting any and all challenges at the cost of losing everything, Hulk Hogan. You have lived, Hulk Hogan, for the last 5 WrestleManias for this one belief. Now, Hulk Hogan, I come to take what you believe in further than you ever could. I come, Hulk Hogan, not to destroy the Hulkamaniacs and Hulkamania. I come, Hulk Hogan, to bring the Warriors and Hulkamaniacs together as one as we, Hulk Hogan, accept all the challenges with all the strengths of the Warriors and the Hulkamaniacs together. Hulk Hogan, the colors of the Hulkamaniacs are coming through the pores of my skin... and Hulk Hogan... when we meet, Hulk Hogan, I will look at you and you will realize then that I have come to do no one no harm, but only, Hulk Hogan, to take what we both believe in to places it shall never have been!

Greg "The Hammer" Valentine: We're on our way to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Steve Allen: Great, I'll call ahead and warn them you're coming.

Jesse: [on Hacksaw Jim Duggan] He just pushed the referee.
Gorilla: He did? I didn't see that.
Jesse: What?
Gorilla: I didn't see it, I was looking...
Jesse: What were you doing, filling your... Wait a minute...
Gorilla I was getting something to drink!
Jesse Did you stuff your face with a hot dog again?!
Gorilla: No, I didn't have any hot dogs.
Jesse: You've only had seven!
Gorilla: Bravo taking the upper hand now.
Jesse: You got mustard all over your lapels.
Gorilla: I do not!
Jesse: Look at you. You're a mess, Monsoon!

Mean Gene: Jake "The Snake" Roberts, the match is at hand.
Jake "The Snake" Roberts: Well, well, the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase. Here we are at WrestleMania, and it's the biggest match of your career. Why? Because everything you stand for is on the line, namely the Million Dollar Belt. Oh yeah, it can be yours once again. All you have to do to get it back is go through Damian and me. But you see, Damian and I don't forget. We remember all the times you made people grovel for your money. These were people far less fortunate than you, people who could use your money for essentials, and what did you do? You made fun of them. You humbled them and you humiliated them. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to make you beg, DiBiase. You are going to get down on your hands and knees. This time, you’ll be the one that’s humbled. This time, you’ll be the one that’s humiliated, and this time, you will be the one that grovels for the money. And how appropriate, that the money you grovel for is your very own—a victim of your own greed, wallowing in the muck of avarice.
Mean Gene: Longfellow couldn't have said it better.

Allen: [on Superfly Jimmy Snuka] I'll tell you how ugly he is—at one time, a vampire flew into his bedroom, took one look at him, and bit the bedpost.

Allen: I like Jimmy Snuka 'cause he's wearing my wife's underwear.

Jesse: Got him with the boot!
Gorilla: Oh, he nailed him! [Hulk Hogan sets up for the Leg Drop]
Jesse: Here it is!
Gorilla: He... [Hogan goes for the Leg Drop, but the Ultimate Warrior moves out of the way] Oh, he moved out of the way! [In the moment that Hogan is stunned, the Warrior bounces off the ropes and hits the splash] Look out, the big Splash! [counting along with the referee] One...
Jesse: Two...
Gorilla: ["Three"] He got him!
Jesse: HE GOT HIM!
Gorilla: Unbelievable!
Gorilla: We have a new World Wrestling Federation Champion!
Howard Finkel: The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: the Ultimate Warrior!
[As Finkel says this, a downcast Hogan looks to the heavens and hits his knees in anguish]
Gorilla: This place has gone crazy!
Jesse: UNBELIEVABLE, MONSOON! What a battle, both ways! Hogan missing the Leg Drop, the Warrior capitalizing on it, and getting the three-count just minuscule seconds before Hogan could kick out!

[Later, Hogan brings the WWF title into the ring]
Jesse: Look at the hushed silence going over the crowd.
Gorilla: They don't know what the Hulkster's gonna do and neither do I. [Hogan presents the belt to the Warrior] Oh, look at this! Hulk presenting the belt and raised the hand of the Warrior! [The two men embrace in the ring] The Hulkster has just taken one giant step towards immortality!
Jesse: Well, I gotta say this! At least it wasn't a Mike Tyson-Don King type affair! The man lost it, and he's going out like a true champion, Monsoon!
Gorilla: Unbelievable Hulkster and unbelievable Warrior!
[Hogan walks to the cart to leave the ring area]
Jesse: I do believe Hulkamania will live forever!
Gorilla: It absolutely will!
[Warrior salutes to Hogan]
Gorilla: What a matchup! Everything we expected and more! We have a new World Wrestling Federation Champion, the Ultimate Warrior!
[Warrior raises the two belts in the air as the pyrotechnics began]
Gorilla: This place has just erupted! Holy mackeral! Warrior enjoying his moment of glory! Hulkster taking it all in! For Jesse "The Body" Ventura, this is the Gorilla saying so long, everybody!
Jake "The Snake" Roberts: The blind leading the blind? Even a fool knows that a man only has five senses. But a snake? He has six. We always do it better in the dark.

[During the Undertaker/Snuka match]
Gorilla Monsoon: Another headbutt by the phenom (Jimmy Snuka), slingshot - oh, nice, [Undertaker catches Snuka in mid-air] but look!
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Look at the strength of this man!
Gorilla: What a power move by the Undertaker. Never seen Superfly - oh - manhandled like this, look out! [He turns Snuka upside down] Tombstone city! [Undertaker hits the Tombstone Piledriver] NO! [Undertaker folds Snuka's arms and covers him] It's all over, Brain.
Bobby: I don't believe it. That is "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka! [the referee counts three] That's impressive. RIP!
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner: The Undertaker!
Gorilla: What an impressive victory here in WrestleMania VII for that man, right there, The Undertaker.
Bobby: He's not even sweating. Services for Mr. Snuka.
[This was the beginning of the greatest WrestleMania winning streak of all time by the Undertaker]

Bobby: [referring to Rowdy Roddy Piper, who injured his leg in a motorcycle accident prior to this event] "I've fallen and I can't get up."
Gorilla: Why don't you stop!

Gorilla: [on Kōji Kitao] Kitao needs to make a tag to Tenryu.
Bobby: I think he should throw in the towel
Gorilla: What towel?
Bobby: Kitowel.
Gorilla: Kitao is the guy's name.
Bobby: Same to you.
Gorilla: You'd have trouble with his name if it was Fred.
Bobby: His name's Fred Kitao? Silly name for a Japanese wrestler, Fred.

Bobby: It's amazing that Lou Ferrigno can talk with 20 pounds of crackers in his mouth.
Gorilla: Will you stop?!!

Bobby: Here we are, humanoids, in sunny California — Los Angeles, to be exact. And you've probably been reading in the papers, and everyone's been seeing on TV, this is the home of the great LAPD, Los Angeles Police Department. And you've all seen what transpired out here, how some little ham-and-egger was hiding in the bushes with his little home video camera and he happened upon this incident and took the pictures of it. Well, I've got a treat for you, because you see, I'm gonna give it to you for zip. All you gotta do is get out that rented sofa with the spring sticking up, go over and push your VCR button on Play; we'll furnish the cameraman, and then you can see our brand of justice, the way Mr. Perfect is gonna dish it out to that Barney Fife, the Big Bossman.
Mr. Perfect: And I will guarantee you this, that you will not find Mr. Perfect giving the Big Bossman 56 free swipes at me, Bossman. Because I'm cool, I'm the Intercontinental Champion, I'm cool as a cat, Bossman. Most people in my position might be on edge, thinking they've gotta climb into the ring with a 300-pound maniac. Well, Big Bossman, I'm the champion — Intercontinental Champion. I have all the tools it takes to be a champion: I have Bobby "The Brain" Heenan in my corner, I have the right body, I have the right looks, the ability. I am what I say I am, and I say I'm... [turns around. On the back of his ring jacket it says "Perfect"]
Bobby: [listening to the viewers] They're saying it, they're saying it.
Mr. Perfect: [turns back around] There's only one, you're looking at him.

[During the Hogan/Sgt. Slaughter match]
Regis Philbin: Uh-oh. [Slaughter is handed the flag of Iraq.]
Gorilla: What's this?
Regis: He's not going to plant that flag on the Hulk, is he? [he drapes it on Hulk Hogan and covers him] Oh no! Come on!
Gorilla: Give me a break here! [The referee counts, but Hogan kicks out at two] It's not over yet!
Regis: YES! Come on, Hulk!
Bobby: He seizes the Iraqi flag!
Gorilla: [Hogan, on his knees, starts ripping up the flag] Hulkster tearing it to pieces. [Seeing Slaughter coming, he stops ripping the flag and begins to Hulk up] Slaughter comes in... oh, look at this!
Regis: [talking over Gorilla's last sentence] Uh-oh! Here he comes.
Bobby: That man made a mistake, putting the flag on Hogan!
Regis: Come on, Hulk, get up!
Gorilla: [Hogan rises to his feet and parades around shaking his hair] That adrenaline flowing right now! The Hulkster seeing the crimson red! [Hogan had been cut open earlier in the match.]
Regis: AH! [Slaughter pounds him, but it has no effect on Hogan. Instead, Hogan points a finger at Slaughter]
Gorilla: Uh-oh!
Regis: That's it.
Bobby: It could be it.
Regis: Here comes the warning.
Gorilla: [As he says this, Hogan blocks Slaughter's right hand and pounds him with three roundhouses. Then he whips Slaughter in and plants the Big Boot] "You're not going to do that to me; you're not going to do that to the United States of America, and the thousands of Hulkamaniacs." Irish whip and the Big Boot!
Bobby: No! Not here, please!
Regis: [Hogan bounces off the ropes and hits the Leg Drop] OH!
Gorilla: Hulkster off with the Leg Drop! The cover... [Hogan covers Slaughter and gets three] He got him!
Bobby: HE DID IT!
Regis: What a comeback!
Bobby: He did it for the World Wrestling Federation, and for the United States of America!
Regis: What a comeback!
Bobby: Are you happy?
Gorilla: I certainly am! History once again made here at WrestleMania VII - an unprecedented three-time winner of the World Wrestling Federation title.
Howard Finkel: [speaking over Gorilla] The winner of this bout, and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Hulk Hogan!
Gorilla: Undoubtedly, the most memorable night in Pay-Per-View history, and you are part of it. WHOA!
Regis: What a thrill to see this, Gorilla! Never seen anything like it. A great comeback! Fans are going crazy.
Gorilla: The gold once again around the waist of that incredible individual!
[ Reba McEntire has just sung the national anthem]
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: Boy, can Tito's sister belt one out!
Gorilla Monsoon: Will you stop?!
Bobby: That's Arriba McIntyre!
Gorilla: It is not!
Bobby: WOOOOOOO!!!!!

Bobby: [referring to Sensational Sherri] That's my pin-up girl!
Gorilla: I think you should see your occulist!
Bobby: There's nothing wrong with my feet.

[Again referring to Sherri (and Shawn Michaels)]
Bobby: She is in love with that man.
Gorilla: Yeah, but is the feeling mutual?
Bobby: Pardon?
Gorilla: Is the feeling mutual?
Bobby: Oh, what do you think, she's there, isn't she? He doesn't allow any bim.... uh woman to be there...
Gorilla: Bimbo? Did you say bimbo?
Bobby: I didn't say that, I coughed. I said "Buimmmh".

Gorilla: [on Sherri] Who do you think does her make-up, Helen Keller?

Gorilla: Highly unlikely that you're gonna pin anybody with a side headlock. In all my years I've never seen anyone pinned with a side headlock.
Bobby: I've pinned a few people with it.
Gorilla: You???
Bobby: Yes.
Gorilla: Where? In your dreams???
Bobby: I can beat you...I can beat any man a million different ways. I had a guy give up one time during instructions.
Gorilla: Will you stop?!!

Gorilla: A hard-fought victory for that man right there, Shawn Michaels.
Bobby: Someday he'll be wearing the gold representing the World Wrestling Federation. This man's the star of the '90s, Monsoon.

Brain: I told you, Monsoon, I don't think you can hurt the Undertaker! You know, death never takes a holiday.
Gorilla: Why don't you stop?
Brain: These things just come to me. I feel like I got two brilliant minds.
Gorilla: Oh boy, I'm in trouble.

Gorilla: The strength coming from the urn, being held by Paul Bearer.
Brain: What is in that urn?
Gorilla: You're the guy that's supposed to find that out!
Brain: You're supposed to know.
Gorilla: You're a broadcast journalist.
Brain: Aren't YOU a broadcast journalist?

[After the Undertaker Tombstones Jake "The Snake" Roberts outside the ring]
Gorilla: Tombstone City!
Brain: Oh, no!
Gorilla: This place has gone bananas!
Brain: I told you somebody is going to be hurt, and it's Jake "The Snake" Roberts. He broke his neck, Monsoon, I bet he broke his neck.
[The Undertaker rolls Jake into the ring]
Gorilla: He wants him inside the ring.
Brain: He's out, he's cold, man, he is out. [The referee counts Undertaker's pin] 1, 2, 3.
Gorilla: Holy mackerel.
Brain: I've never seen Jake the Snake defeated that severely as I seen him at the hands of the Undertaker.
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner: The Undertaker!
Gorilla: How on earth are you gonna stop this guy?
[The Undertaker improved to 2-0 at WrestleMania.]

["Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Bret "Hitman" Hart have a staredown in the ring]

Bobby: Two ugly people looking at each other. That's fun.

[On obtaining Roddy Piper's WWF Intercontinental Title]
Gorilla: What would you do if you were The Hitman?
Bobby: Well I'd have my agent buy it for me. And if that didn't work, I'd waffle him out back with a tire iron. I'd get it some way, any way I could.

Bobby: I remember when I was champion Monsoon.
Gorilla: Champion of what?
Bobby: The neighborhood! I had the prettiest date the whole block that month. Oh, you should have seen her.
Gorilla: The only gold you ever had was in your teeth!

[Piper is about to use the ringbell on Hart, but has second thoughts]
Bobby: USE IT!! USE IT!! Waffle him with it! You know the old saying, what the hell use the bell! Hit him! Give it to me, I'll hit him!

[When Roddy faced Bret for the IC title...after Piper showed some professional courtesy for Bret]
Bobby: You know that show of sportsmanship....the respect for each other, the enthusiasm they have....makes me sick!

Gorilla: Virgil, of course had his nose busted by Sid "Insane" Justice.
Bobby: I thought he had plastic surgery. What an improvement.
Gorilla: Why don't you stop?

Bobby: Maybe Elizabeth can go on Love Connection and get a date. Then again I think she's been on that show.
Gorilla: Will you stop?!!

Brain: I'm Indiana's favorite Bobby. I could've gotten that high school team a win last night, not the guy they had running the ship.
Gorilla: You couldn't even carry Bobby Knight's towel.
Brain: Who?

[Referring to locations receiving WMVIII]
Brain: 30 countries?
Gorilla: Yes indeed
Brain: Spell em.

Bobby: I have a special announcement: Shawn Michaels has left the building.
Gorilla: Who cares?!
Bobby: I'll do it again, if you wanna hear it.

[Ric Flair is walking down the aisle, preparing for his title match with Macho Man Randy Savage]
Bobby: You know, if you want to be fair to Flair, you've gotta be fair and say that's a heckuva robe. Only a man as fair as Flair, would show up at Wrestlemania....
Gorilla: WILL YOU STOP?!

[Ric Flair has just lost the WWF title to the Macho Man and is backstage with Sean Mooney, Mr. Perfect, and Bobby the Brain Heenan.]
Sean Mooney: This is one tough assignment that I'm gonna get comments from the now FORMER World Wrestling Federation Champion, Ric Flair....
Mr. Perfect: You just shut up Mooney!! This is the way it is. Macho Man Randy Savage, you call yourself a Macho Man? well what's so Macho, what an injustice. I'm not gonna stand around here say anything true Macho Man. You had a handful of trunks. The trunks were up, the stupid referee, a bad job officiating. Bobby, you saw what happened, did you see what happened??
Bobby: I just got down from the booth. He had your tights, I saw it, it's on camera, it's on tape, I got it. There's nothing to worry about.
Mr.Perfect: There is something to worry about.
Sean: There's some tactics that Ric Flair was using that are questionable.
"Nature Boy" Ric Flair: What we have right now, is a MAN that'll walk around town tonight claiming to be the real World's champion. Claiming to be the second time WWF Heavyweight Champion, He'll be claiming it all!! ANd most of all, he'll be claiming the love of that jezzebel Elizabeth!! Now Savage, unlike a lot of people in the greatest sport of them all, we don't cry over spilled milk, we reassemble the team. The Money, the brains, the nucleus, and we say to our opponent..You did it once. Now let's see ya do it again. One time means NOTHING to my career. Tell 'em Mr. Perfect.
Mr.Perfect: I'll tell ya what. One time means nothing Macho Man. Like your old lady, you're gonna be damaged goods, because this man has never taken a short cut in the world of wrestling. You Macho Man have taken a short cut. You had a handful of tights. We were out there, we were wrestling. This man was the greatest World Wrestling Federation champion of all time.[Cameras then show the ending of the match] Here is comes, let everybody take a good long look at it because they're all gonna see how the handful of tights.
Bobby: Now watch you're gonna get a good look, look at that handful of tights. That's the champion. He's cheated. He don't deserve to have the title.
Mr.Perfect: He's like his old lady. A Cheater.
Sean: Well the way it stands right now, there is a new champion in the WWF...
Ric Flair: Let's make it clear right now!!! We regroup together. Where I go, Perfect goes. It's all monitored by Heenan. And I got something for Savage..might not be tomorrow, it might be the day after, but I'm gonna beat you and I'm gonna beat you bad, and every time I see your old lady, I'm gonna kiss her on those moist...wet...lips. WOOOOOOOO!
Mr. Perfect: Atta baby Champ.
Sean: As you know this is not a very safe place to be. I'm out of here. Let's go over to Mean Gene Okerlund.
Mean Gene Okerlund: Alright thank you very much Sean Mooney. With me at this time is the brand new World Wrestling Federation champion...
Macho Man: Ooh Yeah!
Mean Gene Okerlund: ...Macho Man Randy Savage along with the First Lady Elizabeth. Now some might say Macho Man that that was a questionable victory. You heard them talk about the tights and so forth.
Macho Man: Oh, I don't even care. I don't even care. That's okay. It was just a PIECE of what I wanted from you Ric Flair. This is what makes you tick. This is what makes you tick. This is what makes you tick from the inside out & I just took a piece out of you. You haven't been beat up properly, but I'm gonna do that for ya yeah. This isn't all I want from you Ric Flair, I want the WHOLE Nature Boy - I WANT THE WHOLE FLAIR PACKAGE! call yourself the real World Wrestling Federation champion, well I guess I am now and what you did to Elizabeth, I guess you couldn't make me any madder than I was before I went to the ring but somehow ya did it. You made it possible. You made it possible. Now I'm gonna get the rest of him. I don't care if it's in the street, parking lot, doesn't even matter to me because I'll do anything to win, if I didn't prove it, I'll prove it next time. Ooh Yeah!
Mean Gene Okerlund: Wait a minute if I may Randy, Elizabeth, after what happened here at WrestleMania, the fact that Randy defeated Ric Flair for the World Wrestling Federation title, in light of all the allegations that's been going on in past months, do you feel at this point that you're vindicated?
Macho Man: Wait a minute [hands the title over to Miss Elizabeth] this is yours. Take it and go...AND THIS [Shows a clinched fist to the camera] is yours Ric Flair [tears his shirt off] Ooh Yeah! THIS IS YOURS! You can have all of me next time, do ya dare huh Mr. Perfect? You're not perfect, I'm not perfect, NOBODY'S PERFECT! I'm out of here. Ooh Yeah!

[After Bobby gets back from the locker room following the WWF Championship match]
Bobby: Monsoon, I just got back from talking with Ric Flair. I'm going to make a statement. I'm going to make it now. I'm going to make it clear and to the point. You saw it, I saw it, millions and millions of people saw it; Savage had a fistful of trunks when he used it to pin Ric Flair. Now, a lesser person would quit, they would scream, they would make excuses; we are going to regroup and we're going to get the title back. It's just a matter of time. If we're going to be upset; if we're going to act emotional; well then, we're going to defeat ourselves. We're going to look at this as a positive message, and we are going to go forward and we're going to take that title and we're going to take Mr Savage out eventually. It's just a matter of time. End of conservation.
Gorilla: Yeah? And how many of you will it take to do that?
Bobby: It doesn't matter Monsoon, we'll get the job done.
Gorilla: Mr...Mr Perfect spent as much time in the ring as Ric Flair did!
Bobby: You discuss that with them. I'm a broadcast journalist...
Gorilla: You're a liar!
Bobby: I'm a financial advisor...
Gorilla: You're a liar!
Bobby: ...and I'm going to sit here and do my job like the gentlemen I am.
Gorilla: You're a liar!
Bobby: And if you don't like it, you can get outta here...
Gorilla: You're a liar!
Bobby: ...and take your microphone and your headset and you know what you can do with them (now getting hysterical) 'cause you're not going to get me upset!!
Gorilla: You are upset.
Bobby: You understand me?! You're not going to get me upset!
Gorilla: Don't jump, it's a long way down!
Bobby: Put 'em up! [Gorilla scoffs] Put 'em up!
Gorilla: Boy oh boy, the Brain has really lost it folks.

Bobby: Instead of being thrown out of the ring, he should've done the pitching.
Gorilla: Who should've done the pitching?
Bobby: T.t..t.Tatanka. But then again, if the Indians had more pitching, they'd be a better team.
Gorilla: Why don't you stop?
Bobby: Did you ever say hello to Tatanka?
Gorilla: Yes.
Bobby: Did you do it properly?
Gorilla: Yes....
Bobby: You said "Heyhowareya!" Heyhowareya!"
Gorilla: He doesn't do that.

Sid Justice: See, we have a saying, and it goes like this: Do unto the man as he would do unto you...but do it first.
[Sid and Papa Shango attack Hogan]
Bobby: This is it!
Gorilla: This is crazy!
Bobby: This is the end of Hulk Hogan. He don't have a friend left!
[a familiar music starts to play]
Gorilla: Wait a minute!
Bobby: What?
Gorilla: That's the Warrior's music!
Gorilla: IT IS!
Bobby: Where did he come from?! Is here to attack Hogan?! What is going on here?!
Gorilla Monsoon: Welcome to Caesar's Palace! Welcome to WrestleMania IX and the largest toga party in the world! First time ever for me to have on a toga! I could get used to this! They'll be a lot of first here at WrestleMania IX! And here's one of them! Latest addition to the WWF Broadcast Team: Jim Ross!
Jim Ross: Thanks very much, Gorilla Monsoon! Indeed it will be a day of first, ladies and gentlemen! My very first WrestleMania! First time that yours truly, from the great state of Oklahoma, has ever been in a toga myself! This is quite an impressive outfit! And I, too, could really get used to this! What do you think of these gold shoes? How would those play in Tulsa? What a day— My first day to meet a Centurion! [knocks on a Centurion's armor] And this guy is in great shape! Just a smile! But folks, we're gonna have a great time! Over 16,000 fans and a worldwide television audience— What a day it's going to be! Two tremendous main events you're going to see: Bret "The Hitman" Hart defend the championship against the 505 pound Yokozuna! And indeed, Hulkamania will run wild when Hulk Hogan and Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, The Mega Maniacs, challenge Money Incorporated for the Tag Team Championship. It is, indeed, the world's largest toga party! What a day we're gonna have! But right now, ladies and gentlemen, let's go up— You know him as Howard Finkel, but today...he's Finkus Maximus!

Rick Steiner: We're gonna make Julius Caesar proud!

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: I've never seen anybody thrown over the top rope like that and then waffled from behind by Afa's stick.
"Macho Man" Randy Savage: You forgot to mention that one of The Headshrinkers pulled down that top rope to help the situation out a little bit.
Bobby: I didn't see it.
Randy: I know you didn't, but I don't expect you to see it.
Bobby: Excuse me! You've got on sunglasses and a hat pulled down. How could you see it?
Jim: I saw it too Bobby, and I'm not wearing sunglasses.
Bobby: Yeah, but you're from Oklahoma.
Jim: What does that got to do with it?
Bobby: You don't know anything!
Randy: He's got a built in excuse for everything.

Jim: Here's a cover by Luger, 1, 2, and Luger's feet were on the ropes, good call.
Randy: Yeah good call.
Bobby: [sarcastically] Good call. That's great. Really good. Good Call.
Randy: That's Heenan's voice. I bet you can't tell that.

Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner as a result of a disqualification: The Undertaker!
Bobby: Oh come on! For what?
[Undertaker improves to 3-0 at WrestleMania.]

Mean Gene Okerlund: I can't think of a better individual who can share with us his perspective regarding just who is gonna be the new World Wrestling Federation Champion. Four-time Champion himself, Hulk Ho... [seeing Hulk's black eye] You know, Ted DiBiase said something about it. What in the world happened?
Hulk Hogan: Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I just left the WWF Champion's dressing room, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, and the one thought I wanted to leave him with was that all the Hulkamaniacs and Hulk Hogan are in his corner. But you know, the last couple months, these seem to be the times when people do step over the line. First off, with my bionic brother Brutus. And then last night leaving the gym here in Vegas, I guess money can buy certain liberties around this town. They took it out on the Hulkster, brother. But all the little Hulkamaniacs pushed me towards the ring.
You know, Bret Hart, a little warning to the wise, brother. You're a brother, you're a Hulkamaniac, and since so many people are stepping over the line, I want you to watch this Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji like a cat, brother; I want you to watch every move; and I also want you to know, brother, that me and all my Hulkamaniacs are on your side.
But as I looked into the eyes of Bret Hart just a few minutes ago, Mean Gene, I know the power of Hulkamania, I know the greatness of Hulkamania, and as I looked into Bret Hart's eyes, I even questioned Hulkamania's own greatness. That's why right now, Bret Hart, I'm issuing a challenge to either you or the Jap, brother! Whoever wins that WWF Title, I want the first shot at it. But let me tell you something, Mean Gene. With me, all my Hulkamaniacs, and the attitude that Bret Hart has, I guarantee you, dude, the WWF Title is staying right here in the WWF, right here in the US of A. And what you gonna do?!

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Was that Little Richard singing or was his underwear too tight?
[Mr. Fuji hits Randy Savage with the flagpole]
Vince McMahon: Oh no! Did you see that?
Jerry: No I was looking at the president.

Todd Pettengill: Boy, this is a tough job here. Todd Pettengill with Rhonda Shear, host of Up All Night on USA. This is great.
Rhonda Shear: I'm so excited to be...
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels: [shoving Todd out of the picture] All right, Pettengill, out of the way. Everyone knows why Rhonda Shear's here, and that's to be with the Heartbreak Kid. Everyone knows we're an item. Now, photographer, I'm got him here.
Rhonda: Yes, yes.
Shawn: On three, I want you to say cheese, all right?
Rhonda: Did you miss me?
Shawn: One, two, three, ch... [The photographer is shoved down by Burt Reynolds] Hey, what's going...
Rhonda: [giddy] Burt Reynolds? Burt Reynolds! Burt Reynolds! Hi, I'm Rhonda Shear.
Burt Reynolds: Hi.
Shawn: Hey, Mr. Reynolds? Hey, she's mine.
Burt: Would you get that chest shaved? It's really ugly.
Shawn: [pulling down Burt's jacket zipper, revealing a shirt and tie] What have you got in there? [Leaves in a huff] Oh, come on.
Burt: Go. Never come back.
Rhonda: Burt, you give me the vapors, but you also keep me up all night.
Burt: You keep me up all night; wish there was something we could do about that. You know what I'd like to do?
Rhonda: What? What?
Burt: I'd like to go to FanFest.
Rhonda: Oh, will you take me, please?
Burt: I'll take you wherever you want to go.

Jerry: I heard Mabel was baptized at Sea World.

Jerry: You have to pin Mo because Mabel is so fat, you try to cover him and your ears pop.

Todd: Obviously, Yokozuna is still the Champion, but he was down, laying in that ring. You gotta admit that.
Jim Cornette: Who's got the belt? Who's still the Champion? That's all you need to know, Petting Zoo! Let me tell you something right now! Lex Luger, you thought you had everything well in hand, just like a purring kitten. But you found out, in the immortal words of the great poet and philosopher Ian Anderson, "he who made kittens, put snakes in the grass."
And I thought Mr. Perfect did a wonderful job officiating. I thought he was fair and square and right down the middle. Remember, the special referees were agreed upon by both parties, Luger.
Now as to Bret Hart, let me explain something to you, punk! It's no longer a question of whether you're gonna come out of this match with the World Wrestling Federation Title. No, it's a question of whether you're gonna come out of this match with your health, your body, and your career intact. Because you've gotta get in that ring, Bret Hart, and you've gotta think to yourself, you've gotta have the pain, the agony, the degradation, the humiliation of being beaten by your own brother on worldwide pay-per-view, all that running through your mind. And you've gotta have the pain of that knee—don't think we didn't notice it—the pain of that knee that you injured—who knows how badly—coursing through your body, affecting your judgment, clouding your instincts.
So Bret Hart, you are going to have to come to terms with, you are going to have to deal with the fact that it's no longer a matter of you trying to win the title; it's a matter of you trying to keep yourself in one piece when you climb in the ring and you look into the eyes of the monster: the most powerful, the most intimidating, the most dominant force that's ever existed in wrestling history - the Great, Mighty Yokozuna, still the World Wrestling Federation Champion.
So Bret Hart, you talk about waking a sleeping giant? He's not only awake; but he's mad, he's enraged, he's furious, and he's hungry! He's hungry and he wants to be fed! And Bret Hart, he's going be the shark, the wrestling ring's gonna be the ocean, and you, Bret Hart, are going to be the blood poured into the water that kicks off the feeding frenzy! He's going to chew you up and spit you out, Hart! And your career may be over at the biggest WrestleMania of all-time. I can't wait to see it happen!
Yokozuna: BANZAI!

[ Razor Ramon walks under a ladder as he comes to the ring for his ladder match]
Vince: Did you see what he just did?
Jerry: That's bad luck!
Vince: Well, you can bet he did it for a reason-
Jerry: Yeah! He's stupid!

Jerry: Would you walk under a ladder, McMahon? Would you break a mirror? Well, with your face you might break a mirror...

Vince: [as Yokozuna prepares a Banzai Drop on Bret Hart] Yokozuna's going up. Bret Hart is not moving. [Yokozuna loses his balance and falls off the rope, Bret getting away just in time] Wait a minute, he's losing his balance! He just lost his balance on the rope!
Jerry: What?! He's hit his head!
Vince: [Bret crawls to Yokozuna and covers him as Piper counts] 1, 2, 3!
Jerry: No! No! No way!
[Piper puts the belt on Bret and points down]
Vince: We have a new champion!
Jerry: No way!
Vince: Yokozuna can't believe it.
Burt: The winner of the bout and new World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret "The Hitman" Hart!

Vince: They have seen a new World Wrestling Federation Champion crowned!
Jerry: No!
Vince: We are witnessing, ladies and gentlemen, a brand new era! We are witnessing the blastoff of the next decade in the World Wrestling Federation!
Nicholas Turturro: Bob?
Bob Backlund: What's the meaning of this intrusion?! That's what's wrong with America today! You people with cameras! You think you can intrude on anybody at anytime!
Nicholas: Bob, I'm sorry. I was just trying to find out about Pamela Anderson. She's been missing. Sorry to bother...
Bob: Who?
Nicholas: Pamela Anderson.
Bob: Who's Pamela Anderson?!
Jonathan Taylor Thomas: [making his move] Mr. Backlund, check and mate, thank you.
Bob: That's what's wrong with society today! All these young people taking advantage of their elders and showing no respect! Who's the 34th President of the United States?!
Jonathan: Eisenhower.
Bob: What's the capitol of Honduras?!
Jonathan: Tegucigapla. [sic]
Bob: Who's the chief justice of the United States Supreme Court?!
Jonathan: William Rehnquist.
Bob: That's what's wrong with the world!!! They think they know it all!!!

Vince McMahon: [as he watches Undertaker enter the arena] The Undertaker, a man who has never lost at WrestleMania!

[As Bam Bam Bigelow has Lawrence Taylor in a Boston Crab]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: A Boston Crab on a New York Giant. I love it!
Diesel: I'm the shit, man! I'm telling ya!

Vince McMahon: Shawn Michaels won five Slammy Awards last night.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: I heard he dedicated one of those Slammys to Jose Lothario.
Vince: That's right.
Jerry: I bet you'll probally see it in a pawn shop in Tijuana tomorrow.

[Explaining the rules of the Ironman match]
Earl Hebner: Gentlemen, this match is for the World Wrestling Federation Championship. This is an Iron Man match. You will be wrestling for 60 minutes.
Vince: Wow.
Hebner: The man who wins the most decisions will be declared the winner and the World Wrestling Federation Champion.
Vince: Hitman's cool.
Hebner: A decision can be earned by a pinfall, a submission, a countout, or a disqualification. You MUST... must break on the count of 4; I will disqualify you on the count of 5. If you leave the ring, or if you're thrown out, you have a 10-count to return, or you'll be counted out. Do you gentlemen both understand the rules?
Vince: [Bret Hart winks at someone, then both nod their heads] Oh, the Hitman, ever confident.
Hebner: Are there any questions?
Vince: [Both shake their heads "no"] No questions from either individual.
Hebner: Good luck to both of you.

[After the 60 minute time limit has expired, ring announcer Howard Finkel announces that the match must continue.]
[Bret Hart exits the ring after retrieving his championship belt]
Howard Finkel: Ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention, please. The 60 minute time limit has expired. However, this match has been ordered to continue...
[Bret Hart looks back to the ring in disbelief, yelling: "Why?"]
Howard: ...under sudden death rules. There must be a winner.

Vince: It's not over! This capacity crowd buzzing. They've never seen anything quite like this, and you would only see it in the WWF... [Shawn Michaels loads up his boot...] Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Michaels steps - [and hits Sweet Chin Music on Bret Hart] he got it! He got all of it! Michaels got ALL OF IT! [Michaels pins Hart] MICHAELS WITH A COVER! [counting along with Earl Hebner] ONE, TWO, YES!
Jerry: No!
Howard: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels!

Vince: [moments later, as Shawn is awarded the WWF title] The boyhood dream has come true for Shawn Michaels.

Vince: Here comes the Undertaker!

[Opening narration]

Narrator: It's traditionally the grandest night in the World Wrestling Federation. WrestleMania: the great spectacle, the granddaddy of sports entertainment, a magical night where dreams become reality, where legends stand immortal, where incredible feats of athleticism are indelibly etched in the annals of time.
But this year, a tempest engulfs utopia. This year, clouds of hatred and anger have eclipsed the heavens, shed darkness on the gods. We've watched as heroes stepped down from their pedestals, witnessed malicious attacks by a depraved Nation, beheld the dark, disturbing flashes from a once benevolent force.
Tonight, three determined men [Ahmed Johnson and the Legion of Doom] unite to wage war against an evil Nation. Their battleground: the cold, unforgiving streets of Chicago.
Tonight, two giants [The Undertaker and Sycho Sid] appear willing to shed their noble armor to embrace their dark sides, to possess the coveted gold.
And tonight, two angry young men [Bret Hart and Stone Cold Steve Austin] destined to destroy each other will endure intolerable pain in a brutal submission match.
It's WrestleMania, the Showcase of the Immortals, the greatest night in sports entertainment. It's supposed to be a night of celebration, a time to rejoice. But tonight, none of these men are smiling.

Jim Ross: Phineas Godwinn, the Jethro Bodine of the WWF.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: I call him the highly paid dumb guy.

[About Bret Hart]
Vince McMahon: Here's a man who's had a great legacy. But that legacy has taken a real turn.
Jerry: I know he took you for a turn when he shoved you on your keister.
Vince: Yes and I didn't appreciate it one bit. I think Bret was out of line for doing that. As well as all the obscenities that he uttered on live television. There's no excuse for that no matter how many times this man so called has been screwed.
Jerry: Well you called him a son of a...

Vince: If Bret Hart loses this match, you wonder what he's gonna come up with as an excuse, because he'll have none in my view.
Jerry: Who, Bret Hart? Sure he will! He's a whiner.
Vince: Well, it's what it seems that... his sort of mind is of late, and that's too bad.

Jerry: Bret Hart can twist Stone Cold's leg until it looks like the Chicago White Sox' Robin Ventura. It can be turned around backwards, and Stone Cold is still not gonna give up.

[After Steve Austin attempted to apply the Sharpshooter to Bret Hart.]
Jerry: Wouldn't that have been the greatest of all time to have to submit to the sharpshooter? (Laughs)
Vince: It could happen, it's just that painful. Bret Hart really knows how to put it on. Stone Cold Steve Austin may put it on Bret Hart as well.
Jerry: Well, Owen taught it to both of them; he's the master of it.

[Bret Hart has Steve Austin in the Sharpshooter]
Vince: Who would blame Stone Cold if he gave up?
Ken Shamrock: [as Austin screams with blood pouring over his face] Say the word, Steve!
Stone Cold Steve Austin: NOOO!!
Vince: The blood pouring from the forehead of Stone Cold Steve Austin. He continues to resist, continues to resist the pain.
Jim: These people are standing! Can you imagine the pain rushing through Austin's body?!
Jerry: Look at the blood spurting from his temple.
Shamrock: Steve, answer me!
Jim: Austin's losing blood, Austin may be losing consciousness. [Austin starts pushing himself up] Austin trying to get one more rush of adrenaline!
Vince: Austin trying to power out! It's not a pretty sight! Stone Cold Stone Austin!
Jerry: [Austin is almost all the way up] Impossible! He's doing the impossible!
Jim: Nobody's ever done this! Nobody's ever broken.
[Austin manages to topple Bret over, but Bret holds on]
Vince: He did it! He did it! Austin did it!
Jim: Austin broke the Sharpshooter! Or did he?!
Vince: [as Bret sits back into it] No, Bret still has it on! I thought for sure he broke it. Austin trying to reach that rope! Reaching for the rope. Austin will not surrender, he will not submit!
Jim: Bret Hart has beaten every Superstar in the WWF with this move. How in the hell Austin has not given up, I can't understand!
Shamrock: [over this] Answer me! Do you give up? STEVE, DO YOU GIVE UP?! If you do not answer me, I will stop the fight!
[Austin has passed out. Shamrock tells Bret to release the hold.]
Shamrock: That's it!
Vince: Ken Shamrock stopping it, stopping it right now! That's it! Stone Cold Steve Austin! Austin passed out!
Jim: Austin is unconscious! Austin never gave up! Austin never gave up! But he passed out from the pain! Austin is out!
Vince: And Bret "The Hitman" Hart has defeated one of the gutsiest individuals ever in the World Wrestling Federation.
Howard Finkel: As a result of Stone Cold Steve Austin losing consciousness, the winner of this bout: Bret "Hitman" Hart!
Vince: [cont'd] I can tell ya, I've never seen a display of intestinal fortitude like we saw in Stone Cold Steve Austin, who is still unconscious, and quite frankly, needs medical attention right now.
Jim: Boy, that has got to be a tough act to follow, I'll tell you that.

[At the start of the Undertaker/Sid title match. Bret Hart makes his way to the ring.]
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels: [doing guest commentary] Oh, Bret very resentful of not being in the main event or being the man. I find that hard to believe. Well he did his best against Steve Austin but just couldn't get it done.
Bret "Hit Man" Hart: [grabbing a mic] Hey Shawn Michaels! First of all you phony little faker, why don't you go take your little pussy foot injury?
Vince: [holding Shawn back] All right, knock it off!
Shawn: It's ok. I'm not going anywhere.
Bret: And go back to the dressing room and find your smile. But whatever you do, stay out of this match!
Shawn: "I'm so scared!"
Bret: [To the Undertaker] And as for you, I just want you to know. That when you slammed that door on my head, you slammed the door on our friendship. And from here on in it's a new set of rules between you and me.
Shawn: Your friendship? Oh I can't remember the last time Bret was anybody's friend.
Bret: [To Sid] And you! You know, and I know, and every single person in this building, all know one thing. Is that the World Wrestling Federation title belt belongs to me! And you are a fraud!
Vince: Well it looks like Bret...
Bret: That belt will never belong to you and you know it and I know it and every single person in this building, whether you're here or outside the TV then, you all know that I am the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be!
[Sid punches Bret]
Vince: Oh! Sycho Sid. Wait a minute!
Shawn: And now you're getting beat up because of your big mouth.
[Sid gives Bret a powerbomb while Shawn Michaels laughs]
Jim: Powerbomb! Bret Hart has experienced the powerbomb one more time! And after that submission match, that's going to put him in a bad way.
Shawn: See? What did I tell ya?
Sycho Sid: [Grabbing the mic] Now you take your whiny little ass out of here!
Shawn: Yeah! Alright!

[Later in the same match, Bret Hart attempts to interfere again]
Shawn: Jesus!
Jim: Are you kidding me?
Vince: Oh, please stop that... Come on! [Sid attacks Hart, but Hart drives him into the top rope, sight unseen]
Shawn: Doesn't he ever get tired of beating up? [Sid, feeling the effects of the top rope, walks straight into the Undertaker's grasp and the Deadman turns him upside down]
Vince: Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Jim: Tombstone Piledriver! Tombstone! Tombstone! Tombstone!
Vince: [Undertaker hits the Tombstone Piledriver on Sid] OH!
Jim: HE DID IT! [Shawn begins clapping for the Undertaker as the Undertaker folds Sid's arms and covers him]
Vince: [counting along with the referee] One, two... [Earl Hebner counts three, making the Undertaker 6-0 at Wrestlemania, and the crowd erupts] OH!
Howard: The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: The Undertaker! [Shawn continues to clap for the Undertaker]
Vince: The new World Wrestling Federation champion, the Undertaker, and his creatures!
Jim: The WWF title lives in the dark side!
Shawn: And we are in for a wild ride! The WWF and the WWF Championship is going places where it's never been, and frankly, I am excited, and I just want to be a part of it.
Vince: The Dark Days of the WWF have begun!

[Opening narration]

Narrator: The first temptation is to say that tradition has abandoned WrestleMania; that this grand spectacle, this enticing blend of celebrity and athleticism has been taken hostage by a new generation of rogues. The "Baddest Man on the Planet" [Mike Tyson], the toughest SOB [Stone Cold Steve Austin], the reigning champion and #1 Degenerate [Shawn Michaels]. These are men determined to write their own destiny. To Hell with historians who upend their tale.
But tradition is indeed alive and well. Because after all, despite the brash bravado, it's the allure of World Wrestling Federation gold that has brought these men here tonight. The very belt that immortalized Andre, Hulk, and Sammartino; the symbol of excellence that inspired Gorilla Monsoon, "The Big Cat" Ernie Ladd, Classy Freddie Blassie; a lineage created by Vincent J. McMahon some fifty years ago. So tonight, through sacrifice and pain, through breathtaking displays of athleticism that defy mortal boundaries, these men that shun tradition are destined to become part of it.
It's WrestleMania. The grandest of spectacles, the Showcase of the Immortals, a time to revel in the occasion. And somewhere beyond the spotlights, the father of the World Wrestling Federation will revel in it, too.

[The ending of the WWE European Championship match involving Triple H and Owen Hart]
Jim Ross: Oh, LOW BLOW!!!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Man, oh man.
Jim: Chyna caught Owen with a low blow.
Jerry: Pedigree, whoa!
Jim: [Triple H hits the Pedigree on Owen] Pedigree!
Jerry: WOO-HOO! Yes!
Jim: [counting along with the referee] 1,2,3, that's it.
Jerry: Brilliant!

Jeff Jarrett: Gennifer, honey, I've just got one question for you tonight at WrestleMania XIV—ain't I great?
Gennifer Flowers: Honey, I've...been with greats, and you are great.

Road Dogg Jesse James: Well, well, well, the gang's all here. Matter of fact, they're sitting right up there. You know, they call you "hardcore legends." Well, everybody knows that outlaws make legends, so when we're done beating the hell outta you, just what will that make us? Boston, if this is for the weak at heart, please turn your head, Terry Funk.

[During the match between the New Age Outlaws and Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie]
Jim: We said earlier there'd be no finesse. Hell, there's more finesse in Muskogee on Saturday night on payday weekend.

[Pete Rose is the guest ring announcer in Boston]
Pete Rose: Hey! Last time I was here, we kicked your ass!
Jim: That's a good way to make friends there Pete.
Rose: You can't win a World Series! My buddy Bucky Dent says hello! You know, I left tickets for Bill Buckner, but he couldn't bend over to pick them up. How 'bout it? They call it "the Curse of the Bambino" right here, the city of losers!
Jim: Easy. King, did you prep Pete Rose?
Jerry: Well, we did have a couple of photos made before the match up. (laughs)

Jim: [Kane has just Tombstoned Pete Rose] No! No! That’s Pete Rose! Pete Rose just got Tombstoned! Pete Rose just got Tombstoned, and this crowd in Boston LOVED it!!

Jim: [on the match between Undertaker and his brother, Kane] Who will Rest In Peace?

[Promo before the main event]
Classy Freddie Blassie: I can still hear the echoes cheering my name.
Killer Kowalski: Time has not silenced the crowd.
Ernie Ladd: I never did a moonsault.
Gorilla Monsoon: Or walked the top rope.
Pat Patterson: There were no pyrotechnics.
Gorilla: No fancy flashing lights.
Freddie: We never flew through the air.
Pat: We were men of courage.
Killer: Men of steel.
Freddie: They are men without fear.
Ernie: I can still hear the echoes cheering my name.
Gorilla: But today...
Freddie: I cheer for them.

Jim: Shawn Michaels is the most honored champion in WWF history. The only man in WWF history to win every major World Wrestling Federation title. He's been the WWF Champion three times. Tag Champ three times. Intercontinental Champion three times. And the European Champ— And listen to this— This chant here in Boston!
[Crowd chanting "Austin, Austin...!"]
Jim: ...Chanting for Stone Cold!
Jerry: He's got his work cut out for him! If he could get through Shawn Michaels! If he could get through DX! If he could get through Mike Tyson—
[The bells rings, signifying the start of the match]
Jerry: —he deserves to be the champion! I just don't think he could do it!
Jim: Nobody has ever, ever outperformed Shawn Michaels in a big match situation. And folks, it don't get no bigger than this. This is what our business is all about. It's about earning the opportunity to wrestle in the main event at a Wrestlemania.
Jerry: Look at Shawn Michaels, he is so full of himself!
Jim: He's got great confidence, and rightfully so.
Jerry: He got Mike Tyson. Haha!
Jim: Well, you're maybe right there.

Jim: Austin back up somehow... [Shawn Michaels attempts Sweet Chin Music, but Stone Cold Steve Austin ducks and attempts the Stunner] Oh, Austin dumped him. Austin going for the Stunner, and Michaels counters. [Michaels attempts Sweet Chin Music again but Austin blocks...] Michaels going for another kick. Austin... [...and hits the Stunner] HE GOT IT, THE STUNNER! Mike Tyson in! [Mike Tyson enters the ring and does a fast 3-count] AUSTIN IS THE CHAMPION! STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!
Howard Finkel: The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jerry: [over Finkel's announcement] Wait a minute! WHAT? Tyson has double-crossed DX! It's a double-cross!
Jim: The Austin Era has begun! Stone Cold's eight-year journey has been culminated with WWF gold!

Jim: [after seeing Mike Tyson knock out Shawn Michaels with a right hand] OH A RIGHT HAND! TYSON! TYSON! TYSON! RIGHT HAND! DOWN GOES MICHAELS!
(Opening narration)
Classy Freddie Blassie: Time. No beginning, no end. An infinite procession that humbles our mortality. But there are moments in life that transcend our fate, memories crafted by gods among men that defy time to forget them. These are the moments that echo through the ages, always heard, never to grow old. Born of will, christened with blood, they are testament to the strong, the mighty, the eminent, deities who defy their own mortality to forge an indelible imprint in the annals of time. Like the mythic gods of ancient Greece, they may thrill us, inspire us, at times makes us angry, but they will never let us forget them. Tonight, is their night, their battle, their moment of ultimate sacrifice. For this is their theater, their altar, their chance for divinity. Welcome to WrestleMania, the showcase of the immortals.

Michael Cole: Wait a minute, wait a minute, no!!!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: What?!
Michael: No, Pedigree, Triple H has turned his back on X-Pac, Triple H is putting on Shane.
Jerry: What?!
Michael: Shane McMahon has retained the title. No! What the hell is going on?
Jerry: I don't know.
Howard Finkel: The winner of this bout and still World Wrestling Federation European Champion, Shane McMahon!
[after seeing Triple H leaving D-Generation X to join the Corpration.]

Michael: Tombstone! The Tombstone on the Big Boss Man and the Undertaker is victorious!

[Over the loudspeaker, The Rock saying the words "Do you smell what The Rock is cooking?" are heard, signaling his arrival]
Howard Finkel: Introducing first... from Miami, Florida, weighing 275 pounds, the World Wrestling Federation Champion, The Rock!
[The Rock slowly enters with the WWF Championship belt hoisted on his shoulders]
Jim Ross: What an athlete. The WWF Champion. A 27-year-old prodigy!
Jerry: I'm telling ya, it's good to be The King, but, it's gotta be great to be The Rock!
Jim: The Rock, the number one man in this business! And the reason is over his shoulder: The WWF Title!
Jerry: And even you got to admit, J.R., it looks so good over the shoulder of The Rock! I mean, he's the true— I mean, he's the epitome of a champion! He's the kind of man you would want representing your organization! Not some beer-swilling, finger-giving idiot like Stone Cold Steve Austin! Admit it, J.R.!
Jim: Well, that's your opinion. No doubt The Rock is a gifted athlete. [The Rock climbs above the turnbuckle where he slowly raises the belt] An amazing, amazing specimen! First third-generation star in WWF history.
Jerry: [The Rock climbs off the ropes, and threatens referee Mike Chioda with an elbow] Uh-oh!
Jim: Oh, what a match-up this is gonna be—
[Glass shatters and "I Won't Do What You Tell Me" plays, signaling the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Austin; the crowd erupts]
Howard: His opponent, and challenger...from Victoria, Texas, weighing 252 lbs, Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jim: And the Rattlesnake is ready! This crowd is jacked! And here we are at WrestleMania XV! [As Austin walks by The Rock begins to taunt him] And The Rock already talking trash! Just like he did when he played for the Miami Hurricanes down at—at...at the Orange Bowl! [The Rock obstructs Austin's path while taunting him further.] They talk—they talked a lot of trash! They psyched out a lot of people! [Austin looks to the referee...] But, King, I don't think Austin can be intimidated—
Jerry: You don't think— [Austin strikes The Rock first as they trade shots]
[The bell sounds, beginning their No Disqualification Match]
Jerry: Here they go!

[End of match]
Jerry: Where's Mr. McMahon?
[Austin Irish-whips The Rock, setting up for a backbody drop]
Jim: [seeing that Mr. McMahon, having been knocked out of the ring by Mankind (who was scheduled to be the referee for this match), has made his way to the announce table] He's lying right in front of us. [The Rock counters with a kick to Austin] Oh, what a shot by The Rock. [Austin snaps up to receive a clothesline] And a knockdown!
Jerry: Wow!
Jim: What a magnificent move by The Rock.
[Austin gets up and staggers to find himself grabbed by the shoulder]
Jerry: HERE WE GO!
Jim: Uh-oh, uh-oh! Rock Bottom. Rock Bottom! [The Rock performs the Rock Bottom on Austin]
Jerry: YES! You better count, Mankind! Get in there and count! [The Rock walks around towards Austin's supine body]
Jim: It didn't work earlier, Austin kicked out!
Jerry: Oh no.
Jim: But—!
Jerry: [The Rock kicks Austin's right arm] Wait a minute!
Jim: The Rock—!
Jerry: Yes! [The Rock pulls off his elbow pad and throws it to the crowd] You want me to do the honors, J.R.?
Jim: It's the Rock Bottom Special! Go ahead, King, I know you like it!
Jerry: It is the most electrifying move in sports entertainment history! YEA—! [The Rock attempts to hit the Corporate Elbow, but Austin moves out of the way] OH—!
[Mr. McMahon stares in disbelief]
Jerry: ACK!
Jim: [as Austin attempts a Stone Cold Stunner. However, the Rock catches Austin's foot and flips him the bird] AUSTIN MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!
Jerry: WHAT?!
Jim: [The Rock spins him around and again attempts the Rock Bottom, whilst taunting him further] Oh, The Rock going for it again, Rock Bottom—!
Jerry: Get him up, Rock! Get him up—! Oh!
Jim: [Austin elbows The Rock to free himself] Austin with the elbows—!
Jerry: [While The Rock staggers around, Austin flips him a double bird and performs a second Stone Cold Stunner] ACK!
Jim: THE STUNNER! THE STUNNER! [Austin goes for the pin] WILL AUSTIN—?! [Mankind counts the pin and the crowd counts along with him]
Jerry: [Mankind counts 3 and the crowd erupts] NO!
Jim: [As he screams this, we cut to the announce table where Mr. McMahon is shown in shock] AUSTIN WINS! AUSTIN WINS!! AUSTIN WINS!!!
Howard: The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jerry: This is awful!
Jerry: We need to help Mr. McMahon!
Jim: THE RATTLESNAKE OVERCAME ALL THE ODDS! [Austin climbs up the turnbuckle to salute the crowd] STONE COLD IS THE MAN!
Jerry: J.R., show some compassion! We need some help for Mr. McMahon!
Jim: You reap what you sow! Maybe Mr. McMahon got just what he deserved! [Mankind raises Austin's arm in victory and hands him the championship belt] Good God, what a WrestleMania, and McMahon cannot believe it! It is Vince McMahon's saddest day! The Rattlesnake rules! The Rattlesnake is the WWF Champion, by God!
Jerry: This is gonna go down as the blackest day in the history of the World Wrestling Federation! [Austin signals to timekeeper Mark Yeaton for some celebratory beer] Plus his first order of business as new champ, he got a— he's got more beers! Oh!
Jim: The Rattlesnake will toast these 20,000+ fans and the millions watching around the world! He did it! Austin did it! [Austin swigs his beer to the crowd] What a war that Austin waged with The Rock! Referees injured! Referees hospitalized! Potential referees jailed! And Austin overcame it all! My God, what a night! What a WrestleMania!
Jerry: Mr. McMahon, are you alright?
Jim: [mocking Jerry] "Mr. McMahon, are you alright?"
Jerry: [Mr. McMahon struggles to get up] Help him, J.R.! This is awful!
Jim: [Austin leaves the ring but stops halfway up the ramp] Well folks, mark it down. March the 28th: The Rattlesnake is back on top of the mountain! [Austin tosses his belt back into the ring; he follows to salute the crowd] There's 20,276, and, by God, they love it!
Jerry: [Still concerned about Mr. McMahon] He's hurt! C'mon, J.R., he's hurt! [Austin signals again for the timekeeper to toss him some beer] Oh yeah, give him more beer! [Pointing back to Mr. McMahon walking slowly back] Look at this!
Jim: Mr. McMahon barely able to stand! [Earl Hebner, the third and last referee to have been KO'ed during the course of the match, re-enters the ring; Austin toasts his beer with him] And The Rattlesnake...
Jerry: [Hebner swigs Austin's beer in the same manner as Austin] Look at this!
Jim: —is toasting the referee, Earl Hebner!
Jerry: Look at this, Earl Hebner!
Jim: He's toasting the fans! He's toasting everybody that works for a living!
Jerry: [to Hebner] You can't drink on the job, you idiot!
Jim: The job is done! Has Mr. McMahon ever had a sadder day? Has he ever had a worse day, King?
Jerry: No, he hasn't! And this is awful!
Jim: [As he says this, Austin, holding another beer, toasts his championship belt and raises said beer to the home audience. He mouths "Ya got that shit, right?"] LONG LIVE THE RATTLESNAKE! LONG LIVE STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!
Jerry: He'll think of something! Mr. McMahon will think of something! He's got to!
Jim: [Overlapping Jerry's last word] It's too late! It's too late! The job is done! Austin is the champion! And there's not a darn thing that Mr. McMahon can do about it! What a phenomenon! And—! [Austin climbs out of the ring, only to be confronted by an angry Mr. McMahon]
Jerry: Uh oh.
Mr. McMahon: [snarls at Austin] You dirty son of a bitch! That's not your belt, that's my belt! That's my belt! That's mine—that's not yours, that's my belt! And you don't deserve it!
[Austin feigns giving the belt back before he beats up McMahon]
Jim: OH!
Jerry: No!
Jerry: Oh no!
[Austin throws McMahon into the ring]
Jerry: No he isn't! Get the cops! Get those cops in here!
[Austin gives McMahon a Stunner]
Jerry: No!
[Austin pour a beer over the lifeless body of McMahon]
Jerry: Ahh! Another beer-bath!
Jerry: [reacts in McMahon being poured with another beer] No!
[McMahon, drenched in beer, tries to get up but is pressed down by Austin's right foot as Austin's hand is raised again by Earl Hebner to the crowd]
Jim: Oh God, ladies and gentlemen, I wish you could all be here! What emotion! What electricity! Stone Cold Steve Austin has become the World Wrestling Federation (Champion)! And he did it, at WrestleMania XV!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh, baby!
Trish Stratus: Let's go boys, time to show WrestleMania some T & A.

Christian: We beat the Hardy Boyz. We beat the Dudley Boyz. We accomplished a life long goal, and that was to win these titles. But not without immense pain. And believe me when I say I’d go through it all again tomorrow if we have to, to keep these things.

Chris Jericho: And I can guarantee that Kirk Angel and Mr Roboto are gonna walk out of this match with bumps and bruises and a t-shirt that reads ‘I visited Anaheim and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and a Y2J beating that I will never eeeeeeeever forget a-gain’.

Road Dogg Jesse James: Anaheim, California, welcome to the Dogg House!
The D-O-Double-G and X-Pac in Californ-I-A
Wishin "Happy Birthday" to my boy Dustin J
Lookin' at the Presidential, it's about that time
For us to get stinky like some bud that's kine
Now then, two tears in a bucket
And if you ain't down with that, we got two words for ya!
Crowd: SUCK IT!
Jim Ross: Right to Censor, led by Steven Richards, certainly an extremist group from where I sit. They believe people should live their lives in one way: that's the RTC way.
Paul Heyman: Personally, I would appreciate it if you'd use the word "extreme" in a much better context. I don't find them to be extremists, I find them to be hypocrites. They're censors, and even I have never liked a censor that I ever met.

Paul: Why would anyone be proud of coming from the state of Texas?
Jim: What do you mean by that?
Paul: Well, if there was a back door at the Alamo, Texas would be in Mexico.

Jeff Hardy: There's always danger when it comes to the Hardy Boyz because we give it our all every night man, we put our bodies on the line all the time. And TLC matches are very dangerous and you're right, there's alot of elements of danger in these matches and all we got to say is, I mean, I'm going into this match like it's my last.

Paul: The time is now. It's the match that both men have to win, and neither man can afford to lose.

Paul: (as Undertaker and Triple H fight) And here we go! The fight is on!

Jim: [The Rock has just kicked out of a shot from a chair handed to Stone Cold Steve Austin by Mr. McMahon. McMahon now gives orders to Austin to assault Rock with the chair] Mr. McMahon brought the chair in the ring, and now Austin's using it on the Rock! There's no disqualifcation! Austin beating the living hell out of the Rock with that McMahon-endorsed steel chair! Come on, Steve, STOP! [One final shot, and Austin goes for the cover] WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? [Earl Hebner counts and a confused crowd counts along with Mr. McMahon] WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!
Paul: [Hebner counts 3] IT'S A NEW CHAMPION!
Jim: STOP ALREADY! God almighty, I can't...!
Howard Finkel: The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Jim: [The WWE Championship belt is handed to Austin; Austin then turns to face Mr. McMahon] What the hell is this? Austin face-to-face with McMahon!
Paul: [Pull back to reveal Stone Cold shaking McMahon's hand] THEY'RE SHAKING HANDS!
Jim: Stone Cold is shaking hands with Satan himself!! For the love of God, someone tell me this is not happening!
Paul: It's happening! Stone Cold Steve Austin has sold his soul for the WWF title! [Austin signals for beer and tosses some to Mr. McMahon] We are witnessing something that will be talked about for years to come!
Jim: I don't believe this! [Austin toasts McMahon and the two drink together] What the hell?!? Son of a bitch! Son of a bitch, I don't believe this!
Paul: Steve Austin...
Jim: Drinking a damn beer with Mr. McMahon! Stone Cold has sold his soul to Satan himself to win the WWF title! WHY, STEVE? WHY THIS WAY?!?
[Opening of WrestleMania X8]
The Undertaker: Every major sport has their special event. The NFL has the Superbowl. Major League Baseball has the World Series. The World Wrestling Federation has WrestleMania.
Chris Jericho: WrestleMania is the biggest show, by the biggest company in the entire world for sports entertainment.
Ric Flair: To a lot of fans it's bigger than the Superbowl. To me, it's certainly bigger than the Superbowl.
The Undertaker: WrestleMania is called The Granddaddy Of 'Em All. And you stand on the grandest stage of 'em all. It's that time of year, when you're on the card at WrestleMania, that you stand before millions of people, and you stand before your peers. And it lets people know that you mean something.
Triple H: That's the ultimate dream— it's that bell rings and you're standing across the ring looking at another guy. You guys are the main event at the biggest event that there is. It couldn't mean any more.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: Having that spot means everything to me.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: WrestleMania III was the greatest moment of my life. 93,000 people in the Pontiac Silverdome. When I got Andre The Giant over my head and I bodyslammed him, the wrestling world stood in awe.
The Undertaker: WrestleMania? It's fever, man.
The Rock: There's really that x-factor— an intangible I can't explain. You just have to feel it.
Scott Hall: It's pressure. But it's that good kind of pressure.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: That's an adrenaline rush every single time I stepped through that curtain.
Chris Jericho: This is The Showcase Of The Immortals.
The Undertaker: It's the time to shine, and to take that spotlight, and make it mean something.
Triple H: Eight months of my life were spent in— in a rehab facility going through a lot of pain and— and hard times. All with one goal in mind: Once again, getting a shot to be WWF Champion. Once again, having the opportunity to get in the ring and— and go to WrestleMania again.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: This is my comeback WrestleMania.
The Rock: This WrestleMania, WrestleMania X8, will be the biggest WrestleMania...in my entire career.
Chris Jericho: Tonight, on the biggest stage of all time, this is my biggest chance to make my mark in history, and to be remembered and acknowledged, as one of the greatest.
Hollywood Hulk Hogan: I'm here because I want to prove that Hulk Hogan is the Babe Ruth of the WWF, and I don't want anybody else to take that spot.
The Rock: This match and match of this magnitude. The enormity of this match, uh, means so much. And it will be a torch passed on to me and letting me know, "It's your turn, it's your time. You're the best."
Ric Flair: WrestleMania is undeniably the most magnificent.
Scott Hall: It's the biggest pedestal to be put on.
Chris Jericho: It's my biggest dream. And now it's my biggest reality.
Triple H: God, there's no feeling that could be like that in the world.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: It's nothing but 100% pure adrenaline.
The Rock: That's what the memories of WrestleMania are made of for me.

[The Rock and Hollywood Hulk Hogan facing off one another]
Jim Ross: This is a WrestleMania moment.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Look at those eyes.
Jim: On March 17, 2002. You can circle that date on your calendar. 'Cause I can tell you, it's gonna be a day that—that I'll never gonna forget. Quite frankly, a match, I thought I would never, ever see.
Jerry: We'll never see Tyson and Ali, we'll never see Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds, but we are gonna get to witness the Rock and the Hulk. Only at WrestleMania, and only in the WWF, J.R.!
[The bell rings, signifying the start of the match]
Jerry: Here we go!
Jim: History in the making now!

Jerry: The Undertaker has moved up! He’s 10-0! 10-0!!
[Chris Jericho is setting up for a Sweet Chin Music on Shawn Michaels]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: No, wait a minute-!
Jim Ross: ...Oh no you don’t, you're kidding me!
Jerry: No, would I be kidding? Yeah believe your eyes, you’re seeing it!
Jim: There's impersonation, the most sincere form of flattery!
Jerry: Well, not when you can do it better than the original! Sweet Chin Music!!

Jonathan Coachman: Rock, how excited are you? It's WrestleMania, over 54,000 people...
The Rock: People? The people? The same people who booed the Rock at last year's WrestleMania? The same people who booed the Rock when he sang and gave the concert of a lifetime? The same people who chant "Sell-Out" to the Rock? Oh, the Rock is a sell-out. The Rock has sold out this and every WrestleMania he's ever been in. You see, Coach...you see, Coach, these people hurt me. They hurt the People's Champ, so tonight, the Rock could care less about the people. You see, Coach, the Rock is here for one reason, and one reason only, and that is to fulfill his destiny—fulfill my destiny, and that is to beat Stone Cold Steve Austin right in the middle of the ring at WrestleMania: 1...2...3. This is the Holy Grail, the one thing that the Rock has never done, the one thing I've never done. It consumes me, it eats me alive! Coach, this night, the biggest night of my life, this is everything to the Rock—everything. Oh yeah, for the past two occasions, Stone Cold Steve Austin has beaten the Rock right in the middle of the ring, right in the middle of that ring, 1 2 3, he's beaten the Rock. But if there's one thing that Hollywood has taught me, that's Act 1 and Act 2, they don't matter. The only thing that matters, everyone remembers Act 3. The end, the climax, the grand finale, this is the last chapter to the greatest rivalry this industry has ever seen. When Stone Cold Steve Austin goes one-on-one with the Jabroni-beatin', l-l-l-l-ow! pie-eatin', not afraid to sweat, not afraid to bleed, gonna beat that bald-headed bastard, guaran-damn-teed! And then, Coach, the Rock would have done it all. Finally... finally.

[At the end of the match, The Rock sat up and pushed away referee Earl Hebner to talk to Austin after winning the match.]
The Rock: Man, I can't thank you enough for what you did for me! I just want you know I love ya man!
Stone Cold Steve Austin: I love ya too!

Jerry: [On Booker T] Maybe he's having a flashback to his time behind bars.
Jim: Why don't you get off that horse. You have ridden it to the godda- to the ground King. To the ground!
Jerry: Easy, JR, easy!

[After Booker T knocks down an interfering Ric Flair]
Jerry: This is very disrespectful on the part of Booker T.
Jim: Flair has no business up here, DAMMIT! No business!

Michael Cole: 11-0 for the Undertaker!
[Opening of WrestleMania XX]
(From the darkness, we hear approaching footsteps. Vince McMahon appears in view looking around.)
Narrator: Twenty years ago, one man had a vision. It began here...
(Closeup of McMahon staring towards the camera)
Narrator: ...and it would change our world.
Vince McMahon: Welcome to WrestleMania!
Narrator: As the vision grew, we cheered it on...
Jesse "The Body" Ventura: I never thought it could be done, Gorilla!
Narrator: Stood in awe...
Gorilla Monsoon: The irresistible force meeting the immovable object!
Narrator: Held onto our seats...
Jerry "The King" Lawler: History has been made!
Narrator: And gave up our hearts.
Vince McMahon: The boyhood dream has come true!
Narrator: We watched with utter disbelief...
Jim Ross: No! He won't do the same!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Oh! I can't believe my eyes!
Narrator: Stunned silence...
Jim Ross: The Austin Era has begun!
Narrator: And sheer amazement.
Tazz: Oh my god!
Narrator: But above all, we've been inspired, and enriched, by the vision.
Jim Ross: Welcome to WrestleMania!
Eddie Guerrero: Sometimes, things are so special in your life that words cannot explain.
Brock Lesnar: The history, alone, in that place makes Madison Square Garden special.
The Rock: My family's gonna come there. My wife, my mom, my dad, my daughter...
John Cena: Everything that I've ever wanted out of life comes down to this one day, this one short period of time.
Chris Benoit: My passion. The thing you dream about, and consumes you.
Kurt Angle: People are gonna remember this forever.
Mick Foley: People will say, "Y'know, that match was worth coming back for."
Big Show: You haven't lived, you haven't breathed, until you've danced at WrestleMania.
Narrator: Tonight will be like no other! Tonight is the Showcase Of The Immortals! They will achieve the impossible and forge new beginnings! Tonight men will hunt down their dreams! Tonight no one holds back! And tonight is where it all begins...
(McMahon smiles at the camera)
Narrator: ...Again.
(Camera pulls back to see his his son Shane McMahon, alongside newborn Declan James McMahon. Three generations of McMahons.)

John Cena: You've got the franchise player on the Superbowl stage
So get that gorilla Big Show out of his cage
Ain't no way that I'm gonna lose to that King Kong rip-off
That's like Gary Coleman beating Patrick Ewing in a tip-off
Big Show's really an ape with posable thumbs
And he stuffs his singlet, looks like he's smuggling plums
Everybody knows that he can't see me
I'm itching to beat him like a penis with a STD
I'm not even wrestling the Big Show, this whole things a charade
My match is with the hippo float from the Macy's parade
So its time to get a championship to match these custom knucks
Madison Square chant it loud baby, Big Show sucks.

[Backstage, Eddie Guerrero, with his WWE Championship belt, walks into the locker room to see Chris Benoit pacing back and forth]
Eddie Guerrero: Órale, Benoit!
Chris Benoit: [sees Guerrero] Hey, how you doin'.
Guerrero: [see Benoit still pacing back and forth] Wassup, homes? What's goin' on, vato? [chuckles] Careful homes. Uh, you might, uh, dig your own trench here— all you pacing back and forth, ese. Heh. I can you see you're, uh, getting focused, right? I mean, WrestleMania XX, ese vato, it's only the biggest night of y—
Benoit: [stops Guerrero] H-hey-hey-hey! I know, I know. [beat] I know... [paces again]
Guerrero: That's right, Chris, you know. I mean, all the years...that you put into it...you working out...time away from your family...working through your injuries—
Benoit: [stops and interrupts] Alright, Eddie. [paces again] I know...
Guerrero: Chris, come here. Let me talk to you. [Benoit stops and complies] Bro, I just want you to know, okay? I've been like a brother to you. Talkin' to you like familia, ese vato. I just want you to know, man, that no matter what happens tonight, ese, I'm proud of you, ese.
Benoit: [pats Guerrero on the back] Proud of you.
Guerrero: Win or lose, I'm always gonna be proud—
Benoit: [taken aback] Woah— hey. [points to himself] There's no lose, and don't talk to me like that. Alright?
Guerrero: Well, I mean, c'mon, Chris, you're taking on HBK— Triple H— it's the biggest night of your life, man, the biggest match of your career! Homes, I mean...c'mon, vato, nobody really expect you to win, ese. Nobody really...believes—
Benoit: [incensed] —believes in me? Believes in me!? I believe in me! I BELIEVE IN ME!
[Guerrero looks away from Benoit]
Benoit: I BEL— [forces Guerrero to look Benoit in the face] LOOK AT ME! I BELIEVE IN ME! And that's all that damn well matters! I've known you for 12 years! You've never turned your back on me! Huh? What's up with tonight? Huh? Tonight is my night. My night! My night! Because I believe! I'm proud of you. [point to Guerrero's title] You've won your WWE Title. Huh? [points to himself] Tonight...is my night.
[Guerrero glares at Benoit before laughing]
Benoit: [unamused] What the hell are you laughing at?
Guerrero: [overlapping] Órale, vato! [tries to comfort Benoit]
Benoit: [overlapping] WHAT the hell are you laughing— [sees Guerrero's hand and flinches away] Woah—
Guerrero: [excitedly] TAKE IT EASY, ESE! SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET OUT OF YOU, HOMES! THIS FIRE! Because, this is the Chris Benoit I believe! That fire that's in your eyes, man! That's the Wolverine that I took on every night in Japan! That's the Wolverine that's gonna tear Triple H and HBK apart, and walk out the World Heavyweight Champion—!
Benoit: [comforts Guerrero] You damn right! 'Cause after tonight, you will be walking out of Madison Square Garden with the WWE Title!
Guerrero: [rears his head back] Órale!
Benoit: And I will be walking out the new World Heavyweight Champion!
Guerrero: Yeah!
Benoit: And that is that! [walks off]
Guerrero: Órale, vato! I BELIEVE, CHRIS!

[Kurt Angle has Eddie Guerrero in an ankle lock on Eddie's injured left ankle]
Michael Cole: Eddie's been dragged to the center of the ring.
Tazz: This is it, the ankle lock is on for a fourth time in this match.
Michael: Will the Champion tap out?
Tazz: Just tap out, Eddie!
[Eddie pushes his left foot out of his boot with his right foot, pushing Kurt away with the boot]
Michael: Wait a minute! The boot went flying?
Tazz: The boot came off.
[Angle runs at Eddie, who rolls him up in a small package]
Michael: Look at this! Small package!
Tazz: [Nick Patrick counts, not seeing Eddie hook the rope with his feet] One...two... [Patrick counts three] NO!
[Eddie quickly rolls out of the ring]
Tazz: Because he cheated!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, and STILL WWE Champion: Eddie Guerrero!
Michael: [over Chimel's announcement] OH MY GOD!
Tazz: What the hell?! Guerrero cheated, I'm tellin' ya!
Michael: What the hell's wrong with that?! He lies, he cheats, he steals! That's who Eddie Guerrero is!
Tazz: Kurt Angle's irate! He's hanging onto the boot! Did the boot come off?
[Angle throws the boot at a taunting Eddie]
Michael: Wait a minute. There's nothing wrong with Eddie's ankle! He outsmarted Kurt Angle, did Eddie! Eddie Guerrero loosened the boot, knowing Kurt Angle would go for the ankle lock again. Eddie Guerrero outsmarted Kurt Angle!

Paul Bearer: [to Kane before The Undertaker made his entrance] My son! You're no son of mine!

Kane [as he sees the Undertaker]: I BURIED YOU ALIVE!

Jim Ross: The Deadman and Paul Bearer live!

[Final moments of WrestleMania XX]
[Shawn Michaels at the corner, tuning up the band for his finisher Sweet Chin Music, as Chris Benoit slowly gets up]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: I think he'll kick the first man to his feet, and that looks like Benoit!
[Michaels charges at Benoit, who countered and hoisted Michaels by the leg over the top rope out of the ring.]
Jerry: WHOA!
[Benoit gets up by the rope, as Triple H groggily taunts Benoit to turn around]
[Benoit turns to see Triple kick him in the gut]
Jerry: [overlapping Jim] OH YES!
Jim: [Chris Benoit is being hooked into position for the Pedigree] BENOIT—THE GAME—!
Jerry: YES!
Jim: TRIPLE H, PEDIGREE TIME... [Benoit slips out, takes Triple H down by his left arm, and hooks the Crippler Crossface on him] NO! COUNTERED!
Jerry: ACK!
Jim: COUNTERED! COUNTERED! THE CROSSFACE! [Earl Hebner drops down to Triple H's level and asks him if he wants to submit] BENOIT GOT THE CROSSFACE!
Jerry: NO! No no no! Get to the ropes!
Jerry: Fight it! Fight it, Triple H!
Jerry: ROPES! Get to the ropes!
Jim: TRIPLE H...
Jerry: OH! He's fading! He's fading, JR!
Jerry: Come on, Game! Reach your foot out, anything! It's your World Heavyweight Championship!
[Hebner checks the arm, but it doesn't go down as the crowd goes "Oh!"]
Jim: Triple H...
Jerry: He's still alive; there's life left. REACH!
Jim: The Game is being tortured by the Wolverine! [Triple H pushes off with his right arm...]
Jerry: Fight! Claw! Come on!
Jim: And it's all over! [Triple H flops on his back, in an attempt to break the Crossface...]
Jerry: Oh, no!
Jim: The Game countered... [...but it fails, leaving both he and Benoit on the opposite side of the ring] But look... BUT BENOIT DIDN'T LET GO! BENOIT HELD ON LIKE A PIT BULL! BENOIT IS TORTURING THE CHAMPION WITH THE CROSSFACE! WILL TRIPLE H TAP OUT? WILL HE TAP OUT?
Jerry: [overlapping Jim] Ther—There's gotta be something that can be done!
Jim: [overlapping Jerry] THE TITLE'S ON THE LINE!
Jerry: Something, anything!
Jim: THE TITLE'S ON THE LINE! BENOIT RIPPING AND TEARING... [Triple H finally submits and the crowd erupts]
Jerry: AHH! NO!
Jerry: NO! [Hebner grabs the title and orders Benoit to break the hold, which he does]
Howard Finkel: [as he says this, Benoit lies on his stomach and begins crying] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Chris Benoit!
[Benoit, in tears, is on his knees as Hebner presents him the World Heavyweight Championship belt. Hebner gets Benoit up and raises his arms]
[Benoit climbs to the top turnbuckle and raises his World Heavyweight Championship. As Benoit climbs back down, the camera pulls back to see Eddie Guerrero standing in the center of the ring with his defended WWE Championship on his hand.]
Jerry: [Referring to Guerrero] But look, J.R., look! Look who's in the ring!
Jim: Eddie Guerrero, the WWE Champion!
[Guerrero hoists his WWE Championship by the shoulder and applauds to his real-life best friend.]
Jim: Well, let's not forget the history of these two men! [Guerrero goes to hug Benoit] Eddie Guerrero, with a heartfelt embrace on his friend, Chris Benoit! These men have traveled the world over so many times, and they're both shedding tears of joy! Because Chris Benoit can say, "I won the Heavyweight Championship of the World! At Madison Square Garden! At WrestleMania XX!"
[Guerrero points to Benoit for the crowd as confetti rained all over Madison Square Garden. Guerrero raises Benoit's arm up with their respective championships in the center of the ring.]
Jim: Well, I'll tell you what, folks, for my money, this has been the greatest WrestleMania of all time!
[Guerrero embraces Benoit again]
Jim: Seven championships were decided! But none bigger, King, than what we have just witnessed!
Jerry: The WWE Champion! The World Champion! Together in the ring at the same time! What a sight! Only like you said, J.R., at WrestleMania XX!
Jim: Well, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being with us! We certainly appreciate it! This has been WrestleMania: Where it has all begun...again!
[During the Money in the Bank Ladder Match, Chris Benoit at the top of the ladder reaching for the briefcase]
Jim Ross: Benoit's gonna win this thing, King. He deserves it after what he's gone through.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: I gotta agree with you now. Benoit does deserve this.
[Edge nails Benoit in the arm with a chair, sending him off the ladder]
Jim: Into the arm! Edge hit Benoit in the injured arm! And the opportunistic Edge! [Edge climbs the ladder] Don't tell me Edge is gonna win this thing! No, come on!
Jerry: Look!
Jim: Somebody get in there!
Jerry: He's there! Edge is there! He's teetering... [Edge unhooks the briefcase] but he's got it! Oh, my God, Edge has done it!
Jim: Edge has won the match!
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner: Edge!
Jerry: That chair shot, that vicious chair shot on Benoit's bad arm!
[Edge runs back, hugging the briefcase]
Jim: Benoit was one step away from winning this Money in the Bank ladder match! One step away, King!
Jerry: But I gotta say, if Benoit didn't do it, if anybody deserved to win this match, Edge did. Edge deserved it. Look at that look of satisfaction on his face.
Jim: Well, I figure 20,193 here in Hollywood that might not agree with you. Edge, in any event, can wrestle the world's heavyweight champion, whomever that may be, anytime he chooses within the next twelve months.

Muhammad Hassan: [speaking slowly] Do you... have any i-de-a... why I'm angry?
Eugene: You don't like midgets?
Muhammad Hassan Midgets. Yeah, midgets. No! What I don't like... is being excluded... from the biggest show... of the year! Now, everyone knows that Hollywood is filled with phonies and fakes and that Los Angeles has a long and profound history of prejudice and bigotry! Well, I have never been pinned in my career and yet, I'm excluded, I have to take a backseat to a disgrace like you! [Davarai speaks foreign language] Now, I said that I would not, could not, and am not gonna stand for this! And If I wasn't given a Wrestlemania moment, I was gonna create one myself.

Michael: [about the Undertaker/Randy Orton match] It is the Legend vs. the Legend Killer on the grand stage of WrestleMania!
Randy Orton: [to Mean Gene Okerlund] So let me get this right? You get into the Hall of Fame just for holding a mic for 35 years?

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase: [Eugene is bouncing a basketball backstage] 95, 96, 97, 98... [DiBiase kicks the ball away from Eugene] Ahh, Eugene! So close, but you don't get the money! HAHAHAHAHA! [turns to Booker T, who with Sharmell is preparing for his handicap match with the Boogeyman] Hey Booker, you want to make a thousand bucks?
Booker T: Hell no, I don't want to make a thousand bucks!
DiBiase: Everybody's got a price for the Million Dollar Man! HAHAHAHAHA!

Jim Ross Trish looking for Stratusfaction here.
[ Mickie James grabs Trish's crotch, causing her to instinctively let go]
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Woah, wait a minute!
[Mickie licks up her hand, ending between her fingers]
Jim: What the heck?
Jim: Mickie James trying to take Trish mentally right out of her game after physically trying to take that left leg away.
Jerry: Took me mentally right out of my game, I'll tell you that.

Jim: The nutjob has won the title!
Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner and the NEW WWE Women's Champion: Mickie James!
Jerry: The inmate's gonna be running the asylum!
Jim: I think there's some fans here that got a hall pass from the home. They're actually cheering this psychotic woman.
[Mickie, with the belt, blows a kiss to Trish as she leaves]
Jim: Mickie James use some very unique, feminine strategy to take Trish Status mentally out of the game, and some overt physicality...to exploit the leg, and then, capture the title in her first WrestleMania match. Mickie James has won the title.
[Highlights of the match is shown]
Jerry: Let's check out— This was the momentum-changer right there. That kick into Trish's leg. And then—and then, Trish's nose—I think her face...
Jim: Chick Kick, knocked Trish right to the face.
Jerry: Yep.
Jim: The hook to the leg, and Trish—didn't have enough to kick out. And Mickie James has won the Women's Title at her first Wrestlemania.
Jerry: And she did it by using Trish Stratus's own finishing move against her.
Jim: And I'll say it again, Mick, you got one win for ya. Lithium! Get some help!

[Backstage, Vince McMahon flex his pecs in front of the McMahon Family]
Stephanie McMahon: Whoa, Dad, you look huge! You look awesome! Oh yeah! Way bigger than those 24-inch pythons!
Shane McMahon: [overlapping] Phenomenal! Look at that! Oh, HBK is going down, oh baby! Ohh!
Linda McMahon: [overlapping] Awesome. Awesome! Awesome, awesome! [agreeing Stephanie] Ohh, big man!
Mr. McMahon: [overlapping] Oh yeah! Can you imagine—can you imagine Shawn Michaels insinuating that I'm the one that should be praying? Huh? [to Stephanie] Can you imagine that?
Stephanie: No.
Mr. McMahon: You imagine me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, praying?
McMahon Family: [in unison] No.
Mr. McMahon: Guess what? That's exactly what I'm gonna do—as a matter of fact, that's exactly what we're gonna do. We're gonna have our first ever McMahon Family Prayer. Everybody on your knees. C'mon, get on your knee. C'mon. [to Stephanie] I know you're pregnant, get down, c'mon.
Shane: Are you serious?
Mr. McMahon: Yeah, I'm serious. Get down.
Stephanie: Okay. [struggles to get down]
Mr. McMahon: C'mon. Alright. Close your eyes and bow your head. [to God] God? Let's face it: I don't like you! You don't like me! I've defied every law you've ever had, and yet been tremendously successful! And I'm sure, God, you never intended on a 60-year old to have a Herculean physique as I do! I know, God, that...you and I aren't close but I know you and Shawn Michaels are very, very close. So tonight, God, I like to tell you what I'm gonna do with your favorite wrestler! I'm gonna send Shawn Michaels down to the FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL! AMEN!
Stephanie and Linda: Amen!
Shane: [Nods sheepishly] Amen.

Shawn Michaels: [to Mr. McMahon] I WANT YOU TO WATCH THIS! I'M GONNA KNOCK...YOUR TEETH! DOWN! YOUR! THROAT! [Delivers his Sweet Chin Music to McMahon's jaw]

Tazz: Springboard! Whoa! My God!
Michael Cole: Springboard, into a cover!
Tazz: [counting along with Charles Robinson] ONE, TWO, THREE!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion, Rey Mysterio!
Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, dreams do come true!
Tazz: It's WrestleMania, Cole. You're damn skippy dreams come true! Rey Mysterio's the new champ!
Michael: At 15 years old, Rey Mysterio began wrestling in a small church in Mexico. 16 years later, his journey culminates, winning the Championship on the grandest stage of all, WrestleMania!
Tazz: Oh, my God! What a match we've witnessed, Cole! I'll tell you what, major big ups to Kurt Angle and Randy Orton, and congratulations to that man, right there, Rey Mysterio... And you know the late, great Eddie Guerrero, Cole, is looking down upon Rey, and he's so proud of his "amigo", man. God, I'm so happy for Rey, man!
Michael: Rey Mysterio showing tonight, ladies and gentlemen, that if you dream hard enough, and if you work hard enough, and if you bust your ass night in and night out, dreams will indeed come true. Rey Mysterio is the World Heavyweight Champion!

Michael: The Undertaker’s legacy continues on! 14-0 at WrestleMania!
[Opening of WrestleMania 23]
John Cena: When we were young...
Edge: When we were young...
King Booker: When we were young...
John Cena: We dreamed of this day...
Bobby Lashley: Of this opportunity...
Bastista: This chance...
Edge: To shine...
Shawn Michaels: Prove to the world...
John Cena: Prove to myself...
Mr. Kennedy: That I'm a superstar...
Ashley: A diva...
Shawn Michaels: An athlete...
Batista: More than you think...
Randy Orton: And greater than you heard...
Shawn Michaels: That I'm a champion.
Chris Benoit: We've dedicated our lives...
The Undertaker: Sacrificed...
Shawn Michaels: Surrendered our bodies...
Randy Orton: Sweat...
Edge: Bled...
Batista: Cried...
Shawn Michaels: Healed...
Jeff Hardy: And focused our minds...
Montel Vontavious Porter: In the hopes to get here...
Finlay: This is where it all comes together...
Shawn Michaels: WrestleMania.
Batista: WrestleMania.
King Booker: WrestleMania. Now...
John Cena: I'm all grown up.
Stone Cold Steve Austin: I'm all grown up.
Batista: I'm all grown up.
Bobby Lashley: We're all grown up.
Shawn Michaels: Today is my day...
Batista: Tonight is our night...
John Cena: The stage is mine...
Mr. Kennedy: Where I will show the world...
Bobby Lashley: I will prove to myself...
John Cena: That I'm the best...
Montel Vontavious Porter: The most powerful...
CM Punk: That I'm the most extreme...
Shawn Michaels: That the kid's still got it...
Randy Orton: The most intense...
The Undertaker: Immortal...
John Cena: That I—
Randy Orton: That I—
Kane: That I—
Chris Benoit: I
Edge: I—
Ashley: I—
CM Punk: I—
The Undertaker: I...
Batista: Am champion—
Bobby Lashley: Am champion—
Melina: Am champion—
Shawn Michaels: Am champion—
John Cena: ...am a champion.

[as Jeff Hardy sets up a ladder in the ring and Matt Hardy lays Edge, who was dropped to the outside by Randy Orton, horizontally onto another ladder outside]
Jim Ross: Jeff Hardy with a golden opportunity. Can Jeff Hardy capitalize?
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: A world title is at stake here.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Whoa, wait a minute. Wait, whoa-
JBL: What the hell's he doing?
Tazz: Matt Hardy...
JBL [as Jeff begins to climb the ladder in the ring, nowhere near the briefcase]: Win the damn match, Jeff! What the hell's wrong with you, kid?!
Tazz: Yeah, Matt put Edge on that ladder and Matt's telling-
Michael Cole: Oh, my lord!
JBL [as Matt is signaling to Jeff to take Edge out] What's wrong with you, you lunatic?! Win the damn match!!
Jerry: Grab the briefcase!
JBL: You've got a shot at the world championship, Jeff! Damn him to hell! No, come on!
Jerry [as Jeff reaches the top of the ladder]: No way.
Tazz: Get the ladder, Jeff!
JBL: No, no...
Jim: Jeff Hardy said he was gonna steal WrestleMania!
Michael [as Jeff leaps from the top of the ladder]: You gotta be kidding me!
[Jeff hits a diving leg drop on Edge, snapping the horizontal ladder and taking both men out]
Jim: Oh, God almighty!
Jerry: Oh my God!
Jim: Good lord! The ladder broke in half!
Jerry: They're history!
Jim [as a shocked Matt and the referee check on both men]: Edge may be broken in half! Jeff Hardy may have taken *himself* out of WrestleMania, in contention to win this Money in the Bank ladder match!

Michael: [about Undertaker] HE IS THE EPITOME OF WRESTLEMANIA!!!

[Backstage, Mr. McMahon gaze at himself with a full head of hair]
Mr. McMahon: Yeah. Handsome son of a bitch.
Stephanie McMahon: [off-screen] Hi, Pop!
Mr. McMahon: Ha ha! Steph!
Stephanie McMahon: [overlapping] Wishing you luck in your match tonight.
[Stephanie enters with her daughter-in-crib]
Mr. McMahon: Ha ha ha ha! Well, what do we have here, huh? Ha-heh! [snarls at Stephanie] What the hell are you doing with this baby in here? Bringing my granddaughter in here like this!
Stephanie: Look, I'll just take her away—
Mr. McMahon: Huh? Wha—No, you just leave it right here!
Stephanie: Dad.
Mr. McMahon: I want some good luck and maybe she can give it to me. Okay, relax, okay? [to granddaughter] Coo coo coo coo...Ha ha ha ha ha~
[Mr. McMahon coos some more only to be stopped by Stephanie]
Mr. McMahon: [to Stephanie] I wash my hands. [continues to coo granddaughter again with laughter as the camera switches to the baby's POV] You came to see Grandpop, huh? Yeah, you came to see Grandpop beat up Donald Trump. That's just what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna do that for you— You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna bash Donald Trump's head in. That's what I'm gonna do, yeah—
Stephanie: [concerned] Dad—
Mr. McMahon: [to Stephanie] Shut up. [to granddaughter] And you wanna think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna knoc— I'm gonna give him a skull fracture. How's that, huh? You like Pops to do that? Give the skull fracture? Yeah, I think so. Ha ha ha ha—
Stephanie: [concerned] Dad—
Mr. McMahon: [to Stephanie] Easy, now.
Stephanie: You're gonna scare her—
Mr. McMahon: [to granddaughter menacingly] And, I'm gonna bloody him up, okay? I'm gonna bloody him up big time. [switches to gentle] Then I'm gonna shave his head bald. Yeah, I'd be out there pulling it out by the roots. You'd like that, huh? That look good, huh—?
[McMahon stops himself as he smells something unpleasant]
Mr. McMahon: [to Stephanie] You smell what I smell? Smell it.
[Stephanie complies and also smells something unpleasant]
Mr. McMahon: She just took a Trump.

Jerry: One thing's for sure - we're gonna have ourselves a bald billionaire.

Jim: [As Mr. McMahon head is being shaved by Donald Trump and Bobby Lashley] And King, one of the mys— The great mysteries of life has just been discovered: It was Mr. McMahon's real hair all along. And he just lost it.
Jim Ross: Welcome to WrestleMania XXIV!

Mike Adamle: Joining me right now, 16-time World Heavyweight Champion, the "Nature Boy" Ric Flair. Ric...
"Nature Boy" Ric Flair: WHOOO!
Adamle: Ric, tonight it could all come to an end. A career-threatening match on the biggest stage in sports-entertainment against the guy they call "Mr. WrestleMania", Shawn Michaels. With so much to lose, with a 35-year career perhaps on the line, what's your game plan?
Ric Flair: My game plan? To be the MAN... WHOOO!

"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels: [to Ric Flair before hitting Sweet Chin Music on him, ending the match and sending Flair into retirement] I'm sorry. I love you.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Flair wants to fight... Oh!
Jim Ross: My God, what a shot! Michaels, will it be...? And yes! Yes!

Todd Grisham: Edge, a lot of history could happen tonight at WrestleMania.
Edge: You know, Todd, we saw a career end. We've seen history made tonight already, but more importantly, we'll see history made later on tonight. But I want to set a stage for you. I want to take you back, because I've been thinking back a lot lately, back to when I was a little kid. Back to when I was sitting in the audience at WrestleMania VI. Man, I was so excited. I was watching my hero, Hulk Hogan. I was the biggest Hulkamaniac in Canada. And that day...Hulk Hogan lost. That wasn't the only thing lost that day. See, my innocence was also lost. But it's okay because it's come full circle, it really has. No, people rely on the Undertaker to win at WrestleMania. No matter how pathetic, mundane, or lousy their lives are, they can always count on the Dead Man. But that all changes tonight, it really does. Tonight, they get slapped in the face with a cold, hard dose of reality. There's probably a little kid sitting in that crowd tonight, just like me all those years ago, that believes anything in this world can happen...even 16-0. Tonight...I crush that kid's spirit! I pluck his innocence when I defeat the Undertaker and walk out of WrestleMania the true phenom and still the World Heavyweight Champion.

Jonathan Coachman: Not only is he your new World Champ, but the Streak is still, STILL, intact! The Undertaker is 16-0 at the Grandest Stage of Them All!
Jim Ross: [on Punk winning Money in the Bank for the second time.] CM Punk has done it two years in a row.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: Twenty-five Divas... you know... I guess there are more important things in the world than Divas, but ... what are they?

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: [as he makes his way to the ring] Thank you Texas! This is the greatest day in JBL's great life. Months ago, I had a WrestleMania vision, that just as Julius Caesar returned to Rome the conquering hero, I would return to Texas... [raises the Intercontinental Championship belt] ...champion. At a time when, quite frankly Texas, you've got no champions... Texas, you've got no men. You sit around, you drink your little lattes, you do your pilates, looking through the Houston Chronicle trying to find a job... at this point in life you need hope, and along comes your hero, JBL! Tonight, I'm going to give you the treat of someone that grew up in Sweetwater, Texas, John Layfield and became the great JBL. You yourself will probably never improve your lot in life, but at least you can look at me and be proud of the fact that I'm your hero, because today I will give you the most dominant victory in WrestleMania history! I will then hop back on my charter plane, return to the greatest city in the world to my famous wife, New York City, as still... your hero.

Jerry: [after Mysterio defeated JBL in 21 seconds] I don't understand that. JBL promised something historic here tonight.
Michael Cole: Well, it was something historic.
Jerry: What?
Michael: Mysterio wins the Intercontinental Title for the very first time.
Jerry: No, that can't be it.
Jim: And now JBL just might understand how the brave Texans felt at the Alamo. It was a bad day at the office.
Michael: Mysterio ensured the joke was on JBL here tonight. What a WrestleMania moment.
Jerry: I'm in shock.
Michael: So's JBL.
[JBL grabs the microphone and gets up, not sure now of what to say]
JBL: I've got something to say. [The crowd's boos get louder]
Jerry: I can't wait to hear this excuse. Camera flash got in his eyes, maybe?
Jim: Open-mouth disease?
Jerry: This has got to be embarrassing.
JBL: I...I...I... I QUIT!!! [crowd cheers]
Jerry: What?...What did he just say?
[JBL drops the mic, still looking a bit confused]
Jim: He said he quit!
Jerry: What? I don't believe - I don't know if JBL even believes what he just said!
Michael: Has any...has anybody ever...just quit, at WrestleMania?
Jerry: That I know of!
Jim: Pretty historic.
Jerry [as JBL exits the ring]: There's still time to reconsider!
Jim: Are we seeing JBL leave the ring, conclusively, for the last time?
[JBL starts walking back up the ramp]
JBL [pointing to the crowd]: You're gonna miss JBL! You are gonna MISS JBL!!
Jerry: I think he's not gonna - he's not gonna reconsider; if that's the case, he - he HAS made history here tonight, but certainly not the kind that we expected!
Michael: Not that he expected, either!
JBL [still shouting to the crowd]: ...I promise you, you will regret this!!

Jim: [about Undertaker slapping his leg] It wasn't for good luck, it was for circulation.

Jim: [after Shawn Michaels kicks out of Undertaker's Tombstone] I just had an out of body experience!!! [the camera focuses on Undertaker's disbelief] The Undertaker's eyes tell a greater story than we could ever.

Jerry: [after Undertaker vs Shawn Michaels] This is what WrestleMania is all about.

Michael: Indeed, sometimes it's hell getting to Heaven.
Jim: I feel like we've just seen heaven. What a match.

Jerry: The problem here is Edge and Cena are down and the Big Show is angry.

Jerry: [at Randy Orton's entrance] You know somehow, evil shouldn’t look that good. I mean this guy looks like he is chiseled out of stone and ready to do some serious damage.

Michael: The referee is reinforcing the rules. He reminded Triple H that if he is disqualified or counted out, he loses the Championship.
Jim: Which means Randy Orton is the new WWE Champion, bottom line.
Michael: Will it be Orton’s law or Triple H’s game for the WWE Championship?
Jim: Is Triple H really the cure for Randy Orton’s disease?
Michael: Triple H has said that cowardice is Randy Orton's disease.
Michael Cole: He is the son of WWE Hall of Famer Cowboy Bob Orton. Eighteen months ago, Randy Orton formed Legacy — second and third-generation stars which had a winning pedigree, and win they did, including WWE Title reigns for Randy Orton. But, King, it's only natural as confidence grew for DiBiase and Rhodes that they would want to fly away from the nest, as they are doing here tonight.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Why is that only natural? Why not keep a cohesive successful unit together? I don't agree with what Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase have done.
Matt Striker: The WWE is about individual achievement, it's about leaving a legacy. The difference with Randy Orton is that this is his destiny and not his legacy.

Jerry: You guys see, does this remind you of anything?
Michael: It reminds me of what Randy Orton does to his opponents.
Jerry: Yeah, these guys are using what they learned from Randy Orton against him now.
Matt: As every good student should.
Jerry: Every good student should turn against their mentor?
Matt: No, every good student should use what they learned.

CM Punk: Over 70,000 weak-minded individuals who think, because they're so hopped up on hallucinogenic drugs, that Rey Mysterio is a superhero. Over 70,000 people that think if they pop a pill or if they take a drink, that somehow their problems will go away, just like they think their superhero, Rey Mysterio will make the monster go away. Except I am not a monster, I am a savior, and I can save Rey Mysterio! I can lead you all to a better place, and I will lead you all by example because I choose to be drug-free! I choose to be better than each and every single one of you! Tonight, Rey Mysterio does not have a choice. I will beat him, he will join my Straight Edge Society, and in doing so, 70,000 people just like you will choose me as their savior, and the Straight Edge Society will live on, one nation under Punk, indivisible, with integrity and sobriety for all.
Jerry: That's scary. That's scary.
Michael: I take it you're rooting for Rey.
Jerry: I don't wanna be in this guy's cult.
Matt: You see two members of the Straight Edge Society, there are countless others across the nation. Live events, wherever we go, people come to be saved by CM Punk.
Matt: What would that do to Rey Mysterio? What would that do to Rey Mysterio's family?
Jerry: I don't know, but the names Jim Jones and Charles Manson come to mind.

Matt: As the evening chases away the day, we say bring on the night!

Michael [after Vince introduces his "lumberjacks"] Ladies and gentlemen, that is the Hart family. You see David Hart Smith, Natalya walking in with the rest of the Hart family behind Mr. McMahon. You gotta be kidding me! Look at this!
Matt: This is the same Hart family we saw earlier at WrestleMania after honoring their father Stu Hart, who was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Has Vince bought the Hart family?!
Michael: This is disgusting!
Jerry: I just can't help but think back, last we heard from Vince McMahon last week on Raw when he...his final chilling words, he said, "Bret, no matter what, at WrestleMania, you're screwed." Did he already know?
Michael: Will Mr. McMahon stop at nothing to humiliate this man? Ladies and gentlemen, Bret Hart was one of Mr. McMahon's most important and lucrative superstars. In late 1997, Bret's contract was coming to an end, they couldn't reach an agreement, Bret headed out of the company. What does Mr. McMahon do on one of his last nights here? He screws Bret Hart out of the Championship in Montreal, one of the most controversial events of all time!
Matt: Guys, I gotta tell you – this is genius. I love this.
Jerry: No, this is not genius.
Matt: Yeah, there's Bruce Hart.
Michael: It's evil genius is what it is, Matt.
Matt: Smith Hart, Stu's firstborn son.
Michael: In many ways, this is pathetic.
Matt: Why?
Michael: Because it's pathetic. Because Mr. McMahon cannot let bygones be bygones. For thirteen years this has been going on! Bret Hart came back here to bury the hatchet; he did so with Shawn Michaels, and now this.
Bret "Hit Man" Hart: You've all agreed to this? Bruce, you've agreed to this? There's not much I can do about it. What's done is done. There's one thing I know about the Hart family – you all got paid up front, didn't you? Got your money, cashed your checks, put it in the bank? [Everyone nods] Well, there's one thing I learned from the Montreal Screwjob: that's that there's nothing sweeter than a good double-cross. See, the thing here, Vince, is the Hart family – we're stronger than ever and we're united as one tonight. They told me what you were trying to do and we all agreed ahead of time. We all know about your little tricks, but tonight, this your greatest creation of them all, WrestleMania, it's gonna be forever remembered as the night that Bret screwed Vince!
Matt: Wait a minute. Oh! The Hart family's on the take!

Matt: [after Natalya slaps Vince] Best of luck in your future endeavors, Natalya!

Matt: This is the chairman and CEO of a publicly traded company being treated like this.
Michael: Yeah, but how about how he treated Bret Hart? How about that, Matt? Besides, Mr. McMahon signed up for this. Mr. McMahon agreed to this match-up.
Matt: Not under these conditions.
Michael: He tried to buy the Hart family off, they just turned the tables on him. Mr. McMahon would've done the same thing.
Jerry: Before that, Matt, Mr. McMahon put Bret up to being in this match when he thought Bret had a broken leg.
Matt: If I've learned one thing from Mr. McMahon, it's that you never do bad business, and this is bad business by the Harts.

Jerry: Mr. McMahon looks like a pathetic preacher right now.
Matt: I'm gonna tell him you said that.

Vickie Guerrero: [to Kelly Kelly] EXCUSE ME!!!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!
[Kelly kicks her in the stomach]
Michael: I don't think Kelly Kelly cares.

Michael: [after Shawn Michaels mocks the Undertaker's signal for the Tombstone Piledriver, he slaps him] Well, if Shawn Michaels is going out, he's going out as defiant as ever.
Jerry: [in his anger, the Undertaker picks up Michaels and turns him upside down] That look of disbelief on the face of the Undertaker has turned into a look of rage! [Undertaker hits the Tombstone] ACK!
Michael: TOMBSTONE! TOMBSTONE! [Undertaker folds Michaels's arms and covers him] Here's the cover! [Charles Robinson counts three] The Undertaker is 18-0! Shawn Michaels's career is over.
Justin Roberts: The winner of this match: The Undertaker!

The Undertaker: [After helping Shawn Michaels up on his feet] You're one tough son of a bitch. [Shakes Shawn's hand and embraces/hugs him]
The Rock: Finally, the Rock has come back to Atlanta! And finally, the Rock has come back to WrestleMania! The Rock promises that this will be the most memorable WrestleMania of all time. The electricity is in the air! It's all around us! Can you FEEL it? Can you TASTE it?! Can you SMELL it?!? [The crowd reacts to every sentence he says. When he is done, the crowd chants "Rocky".] We are making history - right now we're making history, so we're gonna do something special. Atlanta, we're gonna have some fun. [the crowd reacts] When the Rock says "Wrestle", the people will say "Mania". Wrestle...
Crowd: [responding] Mania...
The Rock: Wrestle...
Crowd: Mania...
The Rock: Wrestle...
Crowd: Mania!
The Rock: And to all the WWE Super... the Rock is getting goosebumps, Good Lord almighty! And to all the WWE Superstars, past and present, and to one WWE Superstar in particular, [referring to John Cena] who right now is in the back trying to decide which rainbow Fruity Pebble T-Shirt he's going to put on tonight... [The Rock signals for some water. Again the crowd chants "Rocky".] Oh, this is gonna get good, this is gonna get good. Before we do this next one, let the Rock take a drink of water. But this ain't any water. This is the People's Water! [The crowd reacts.] When the Rock says "Yabba", the people say "Dabba". Yabba...
Crowd: Dabba...
The Rock: Yabba...
Crowd: Dabba...
The Rock: Yabba...
Crowd: Dabba!
The Rock: And this last one, this last one needs no introduction whatsoever. It's the Rock, the People's Champ. He's never alone. He's with the millions...
The Rock: He's with the millions...
The Rock: ...of the Rock's fans, because this is Wrestlemania, this is the Showcase of the Immortals, and this is hosted by the jabroni beatin', lalalalao! Pie eatin', trail blazin', eyebrow raisin', heart stopping, elbow dropping, electrifying the dirty south, so know your role and shut your mouth, the Brahma Bull, ever defiant, standing as tall as Andre the Giant. This night, WrestleMania, Atlanta, the Georgia Dome, is bigger than Christmas, so no offense, Santa, because The Rock is bringing it all over At-lanta! [The crowd again chants "Rocky"] If you s... [stops] Oh no no no no no NO! No... that catchphrase is the most famous, the most electrifying catchphrase in the world! Men, women, children of all ages, races - they say it. So this is going to be special, because that catchphrase doesn't belong to the Rock, that catchphrase belongs to the people. So, Atlanta, we're gonna do something special, we're gonna electrify the world! Everybody, everybody on your feet! You're already on your feet! So everybody, right now feel the electricity! Assume the position with the Rock, 'cause we're not saying it, we're saying it loud and proud and we're saying it together. [the crowd joins in] IF YOU SMELLLLLL-LALALALAO, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIN'!

Michael Cole: Look at this man, CM Punk. He is a charismatic figure. The people follow him, and he has one thing to get him through, and that thing is faith.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: He's got about as many followers as you've got Cole Miners.

Michael: Can I have your attention please? Can I have your attention please? There he is, "Good ol' JR", Jim Ross, the man with the second-biggest ego in sports-entertainment. Hey, JR, I like how you're waddling your way down to the ring. Glad you're staying in shape since I took your job. You know who the man is with the biggest ego in the entire world? None other than my opponent tonight, Jerry Lawler. You know, Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross have a lot in common — they're both overweight,...
Crowd: What?!
Michael: [cont'd] They're both overrated,...
Crowd: What?!
Michael: and they're both over the hill! You know, I've been thinking a lot over the past 24 hours about...about this match here tonight, and what I've been thinking about is Jerry Lawler has been in this business about as long as I've been alive, yet tonight is Jerry Lawler's first WrestleMania. And guess what, all you Cole Miners — this is Michael Cole's first WrestleMania. So, ladies and gentlemen, when tonight is over, and this main event is concluded, JR, you're gonna go back to making really bad barbecue sauce; Jerry Lawler, you're gonna be embarrassed and humiliated; and Stone Cold Steve Austin's gonna raise my hand in victory; and then all of you, all over the world, you are gonna proclaim me the new Mr. WrestleMania!

Jerry: Undertaker will absolutely do anything to keep that streak alive, but J.R., you and I both know...nothing lasts forever.

Jim: And somehow, some way, the Streak lives!

Jerry: When you're as pretty as Michelle McCool, you don't like to be dropped flat on your face.
Jim Ross: When you're as ugly as I am, you don't like to be dropped flat on your face.
Jerry: If anything happened to your face, it'd be an improvement.
Jim: Exactly.

The Rock: [after the WWE Championship match ends in a double count-out] Can I have your attention please? I've just received an e-mail from the anonymous Raw General Manager. [He opens the laptop and begins reading from it a la Michael Cole] And I quote: "As Raw General Manager, I think..." IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! [He tosses the laptop to the floor and enters the ring] The Rock is the host of WrestleMania, and the Rock says there is no way WrestleMania is over! The Rock says this match must restart right now! No disqualification, no count-out, no time limit, no doubt about it, no cryin' to your mama, no way on God's green earth under God's hot sun in this beautiful Georgia Dome will this match end like that! So you can take your double count-out, take your little computer, take your awesome, take your Fruity Pebbles, roll them all up in a ball, turn them sumbitches sideways, and stick 'em straight up your candy-ass! It is time to give the people what they want!
Crowd: [chant during the Divas match] DANIEL BRYAN!

Matt Striker: We are now just moments away. As the guest referee inside Hell in a Cell, you must be filled with conflicted emotions. Shawn, your thoughts?
"The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels: This match is the end of an era. Something's coming to an end. It's either the end of the Streak, which means the end of the Undertaker, or it's the end of the Game, which means he couldn't do what I couldn't do. Facing the Undertaker ended my career. Isn't it ironic that I hold the power in the palm of my hand to end an era?

[During the epic Hell in a Cell match, Shawn Michaels tosses away the steel chair from Triple H who administered 15 chair shots to the Undertaker]
Triple H : [To referee Shawn Michaels]: YOU WANT IT DONE? THEN YOU END IT!
Shawn Michaels: JUST COVER HIM! It doesn't have to be like this, just co⁠— YOU KNOW HE'S NOT GONNA QUIT! COVER HIM!
[Shawn sees Triple H grabbing another chair and stops him]
Shawn Michaels: C'mon, just hold! [goes to check The Undertaker] Take, it's one match, c'mon.
[Undertaker shakes his heads in defiance]
Shawn Michaels: Let me—
[Triple H shoves Shawn away and administers three more chair shots to The Undertaker]
Triple H : [To referee Shawn Michaels] YOU WANT IT DONE? THEN YOU END IT! END IT, OR I WILL!
Shawn Michaels: [goes to check The Undertaker again] Please, c'mon.
The Undertaker: [To Shawn Michaels:] Don't stop it. Don't stop it!...DO NOT...STOP IT!
[Later in the match, Triple H grabs a Sledgehammer from outside the ring, but Shawn Michaels confronts him]
Shawn Michaels: You know he ain't gonna quit.
Triple H: I don't care. You end it or I will. You wanna show compassion? I'm not.
Shawn: You know he's not gonna stop.
Triple H: I don't care, Shawn. I'm ending this one way or the other. End it, or I will.

[Later in the match, both Undertaker and Triple barely stands up as Taker goes to scoop up Triple H over the shoulder]
Jim Ross: [referring to Triple H] The Game makes his way up!
Jerry "The King" Lawler: Ohhhh no!
[Triple H counters by sliding back and pushes the Undertaker into the turnbuckle]
Jim: He slips off the back—
[Undertaker runs into Shawn Michaels's Sweet Chin Music to the jaw, which staggers The Undertaker]
Jim: BOOM!
[Triple H kicks Undertaker in the gut and underhooks both of his arms]
Michael Cole: [overlapping] LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS!
[Triple H executes his finishing move, The Pedrigree, on the Undertaker]
Michael: [overlapping] PEDIGREE!
Jim: [overlapping] PEDIGREE! A PEDIGREE!
[Shawn Michaels runs in to make the count.]
[Shawn Michaels counts as the crowd chants "1...2..."]
[Undertaker raises his left shoulder up]
Michael: OH—!
[Shawn Michaels collapses by the turnbuckle in disbelief as he covers his own face over what he just done]
Michael: Shawn Michaels have been calling this match up-down the middle! He was gonna ring the bell and take Taker out of it! And then he was put in the Hell's Gate!
Jim: Michaels had put into a very tough position for Mr. WrestleMania to be in!
[Instant replay is shown at the previous moment]
Michael: His emotions overwhelming him!
Jim: Here's this kick, right there! Bam! Downtown! A slobberknocker! The Sweet Chin Music! And then The Pedrigree!
Jerry: And somehow, amazingly, The Undertaker still lives— look at this!
Jim: The Undertaker will not die! On April 1st, 2012, he will not die!

Jim Ross: I tell you, in four decades of sitting at ringside, I can honestly say I have never ever witnessed anything like what we have just seen.
Michael Cole: The Undertaker is 20-0 at WrestleMania!
Jim: [as the Undertaker tries to get up] Look at the Undertaker's back; he's just fighting to get back up. The era has ended, we will never see it again, and what a way to go.

[As Undertaker, Triple H and Shawn hug at the top of the ramp]
Jim: A standing ovation from 78,363, and a moment that will live in infamy in WWE, an image that we can never replicate, an image that we'll all remember forever.

John Cena: We got people behind the scoreboard!
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: [on the Shield] I've wrestled with the Fabulous Freebirds. What they brought to the house, what they brought to this business was improved by the Horsemen, was perfected, some say, by the NWO. This team right here can do something none of them have ever done at WrestleMania.

Jerry "The King" Lawler: It was pretty impressive. I'm not gonna say they're the greatest thing since sliced bread, I don't know that they're the greatest team in sports-entertainment.
JBL: I don't know if you can name anybody better. Do you believe in the Shield now? If not, you should.

Michael Cole: Well, statistics are on the side of Team Hell No in this match tonight. 53% of defending champions are successful in WrestleMania. And Daniel Bryan will start things off against Dolph Ziggler with the Tag Team Championship up for grabs here tonight at WrestleMania.
JBL: Would you bet on that, if you had a 53-47 chance.
Michael: Not at all.

Dolph Ziggler: I got this! I got this! [to AJ Lee] Lay it on me.
[AJ plants a kiss on Dolph]
Michael: Oh, now this is just sticking it to Daniel Bryan. Remember last year at WrestleMania, and AJ Lee good-luck kissed... [As Dolph turns around, Daniel kicks him upside the head and goes for the pin] Oh God, look out! Daniel Bryan...
JBL: It's over! It's over!
[Referee counts, but Dolph kicks out]

Crowd: [during the World Heavyweight Championship match] WE WANT ZIGGLER!

Half of crowd: [alternating] UNDERTAKER!
Other half: CM PUNK!

Michael: Can you say 21-0?!
JBL: MetLife just exploded!
Justin Roberts: The winner of this match: The Undertaker!
Michael: Year after year after year, opponent after opponent after opponent, the will and the perseverance for the most incredible performer in WrestleMania history! The Undertaker is now 21-0 at WrestleMania!
JBL: It's the holy grail of winning streaks, Michael! The greatest streak alive!
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Look at this, that is insulting, Daniel Bryan sticking his hand out like that, mocking Triple H. What a disrespectful move.
Jerry "The King" Lawler: JBL, how short is your memory? Have you drinking milk from forgetful cows? Milk of amnesia? Let me tell you something. You realize the last time Daniel Bryan stuck his hand out, Triple H put handcuffs on him.
JBL: He should've, he broke the law.

Jerry: WrestleMania has just turned into YES!leMania!
Michael Cole: The YES! Movement has beaten the Authority!
JBL: History has already been made at WrestleMania! I cannot believe what I have just witnessed. This garden creature just beat the Game.

Jerry: Wrestling the Shield's like being married to Larry King—you know it's gonna be painful, but it's not gonna last long.

Michael: Kofi Kingston [by Cesaro] ...lobbed over the top rope and he's out. [The referees notice that Kofi's feet are still on the steps] Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa!
JBL: You gotta be kidding me!
Jerry: His feet didn't hit the floor.
Michael: Kofi's feet did not hit the floor. [Kofi scoots onto the steps and re-enters the ring] That is incredible! That is incredible!
JBL: I love this young guy!

Michael: Uppercut by Cesaro again. [Cesaro picks up the Big Show] LOOK AT THE POWER!
JBL: No way!
Michael: YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! [Cesaro dumps the Big Show out of the ring, winning the match] CESARO WINS THE BATTLE ROYAL!
Jerry: OH MY GOD!
JBL: The Swiss Superman!
Lilian Garcia: The winner of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Cesaro!
Michael: Cesaro has his WrestleMania Moment.

Michael: John, would a victory tonight for Brock Lesnar be the greatest conquer of his career?
JBL: Absolutely. 3-time WWE Champion; IWGP Champion; his third UFC fight, he won the Heavyweight Championship; in his fourth UFC fight, UFC 100, he unified the Heavyweight Championship, National Champion 2000; 2008 Sports Illustrated Newcomer of the Year; all of that pales in comparison if Brock Lesnar ends the Streak tonight.
Jerry: You know what else would be worse than awful if Brock Lesnar ends the Streak? It would probably submit that walrus Paul Heyman's legacy as possibly the greatest strategist, possibly the best manager ever.
JBL: I disagree. Right now, he is arguably the greatest manager. I say you take off any of those caveats, he becomes the greatest manager of all time if he leads the Beast Incarnate, Brock Lesnar, to victory tonight.
Jerry: That's what I was saying. The big word is "if".

Michael: [about Undertaker] You’re looking at the most incredible performer in WrestleMania history. The only question now is: Is Brock Lesnar intimidated?

[During the Undertaker/Brock Lesnar match]
Paul Heyman: [to Brock Lesnar] This is your destiny. You hear me?! THIS is YOUR destiny! This is what you worked for! This is what you trained for! This is your moment! Not his, yours! ALL YOURS! 21-1...and you are the one! Are you going to let him deprive you of this?! He's taking this away from you! You are Brock Lesnar! You're a conqueror! You're a beast!

[Brock Lesnar has kicked out of the Tombstone Piledriver]
Michael: Undertaker signals it's over.
JBL: Maybe he's not human.
[Undertaker picks up Lesnar for another Tombstone]
Michael: Again...[Lesnar falls back onto his feet and picks up Undertaker] Brock Lesnar counter. Brock Lesnar counter! Lesnar counter! He's got Undertaker over his shoulders again!
Jerry: Not again!
Michael: Going for a triple! [Lesnar hits the F-5] A third F-5 on the Undertaker! Brock Lesnar into the cover! Hooks the leg! [Chad Patton counts to three] The Streak is over.
Heyman: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! [With the arena in shock, Heyman rushes to Lesnar] You did it! You did it! You did it! You beat him, Brock! You conquered the Streak! Brock, you did it! You did it!
Justin Roberts: [a little bit shocked, just like everyone else in the arena or stadium] Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this match: Brock Lesnar.
[Lesnar and Heyman leave the ring]
Jerry: I'm speechless.
JBL: So are 75,000 people here.
Michael: The Undertaker's mortal.
JBL: I was hoping I wouldn't see it.
Michael: I honestly thought I'd never see it.
JBL: I guess fairytales do end.
Michael: Brock Lesnar just cemented his legacy as one of the greatest performers in WWE history.
Heyman: 21-1!
Jerry: Guys, you still gotta admit, the man who has cemented his legacy is the Undertaker. The longest-running streak, 21 straight victories at WrestleMania. That will never, never ever be duplicated.
JBL: The king of the jungle is now Brock Lesnar, and the greatest manager of all time is Paul Heyman.
Jerry: Heyman vowed that he and Brock Lesnar would end the Streak. They did.

Michael: Daniel Bryan...knee to Batista! Knee to Batista! Knee to Batista! [Daniel cinches the YES! Lock on Batista] Come on, Bryan! Come on, Bryan! YES! Lock! Come on, Daniel! Come on, Daniel!
Jerry: Has he got him?
Michael : Tap out Batista!
Jerry: He's got him!
Michael: Tap out Batista! Tap out Batista!
JBL: No way! No way!
Michael: Batista's gonna tap! Batista's gonna tap! [Batista taps out]
Jerry: OH, YES!
JBL: He taps!
JBL: You gotta be kidding me!
Justin: The winner of this match as a result of a submission...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan!
Michael: The impossible dream has become reality! Did anyone expect this?
Jerry: Absolutely not! They hoped for it!
Michael: Did everyone want this?!
Jerry: YES! YES! YES!
JBL: Daniel Bryan has overcome the Authority.
Michael: There's your new face of WWE! Daniel Bryan has done it!
JBL: Dreams come true.
Jerry: [continues to chant as pyrotechnics explode on the stage] YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Michael: April 6, 2014—the night Daniel Bryan's arrived!
[The WrestleMania 31 introduction]
L.L. Cool J: The world has become a lot smaller. We've all been connected. From the dawn of the radio, to the golden age of television. From Silicon Valley to the internet and beyond. A shared photo, a viral video, a thought for the whole world to read in the span of 140 characters, entertainment has evolved. The mediums have changed. But the one thing that has remained the same. The one constant. The one universal similarity...is us. Me. You. Us here. The human connection. The feeling you get when you're surrounding by a sea of strangers, but somehow you feel like you know them all. It's that instant you realize you have something in common. That moment, that emotion, that split second when you say, man that was awesome. Decades ago, the world saw the irrestible force meet the immovable object, and millions overcame the impossible as one. We saw a boyhood dream become reality, and together, we cried tears of joy. We saw the passing of the torch, as one generation christened the next, and that generation created a once in a lifetime event. All these things, these indoubtable moments, these benchmarks that shape our history at the core do one thing...they connect us. Tonight, these men, these women, these athletes, these larger than life superstars, will take the biggest stage in live entertainment, to once again inspire us, move us, shape us. They will..connect us. Tonight, the world will be watching. This is WrestleMania.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: [introduces Triple H before his match between him and Sting] WrestleMania. Judgment Day is here. It's time to play the Game.

[After Ronda Rousey aids The Rock in laying out both Triple H and Stephanie McMahon in the ring]
The Rock: Now that right there, that is called being owned!

Brock Lesnar: [to Roman Reigns] Suplex City, bitch!

Jerry “The King” Lawler: It’s him! He’s returned!
Michael Cole: The Deadman cometh. Bray Wyatt can talk a big game, but John, you have been in the ring during the entrance of that man, The Undertaker.
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Bray Wyatt wanted to dance with the Devil, welcome to Hell.

Michael: [as Bray Wyatt does his spider crawl/walk to Undertaker] That, indeed, is the New Face of Fear.

[The Undertaker suddenly sits up, shocking/surprising everybody! It also makes Wyatt stop in his tracks]

John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Not yet! Not just yet!
Jerry: Whoa, what a WrestleMania moment! Look at that!
Michael: And Bray Wyatt melting away as he’s looking into the eyes of the Deadman!

Michael: [as Lesnar holds Reigns up for a fourth F-5] Lesnar... [Lesnar hits it and rolls away] F-5! A vicious F-5! Who can capitalize?
Jerry: Heyman's screaming, "cover him, cover him!"
Michael: Turning point of the match!
[Seth Rollins's music blares out and the crowd reacts]
JBL: What the hell?
Michael: What on earth?
[Seth Rollins sprints to the ring, his Money in the Bank briefcase (containing a contract to wrestle for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship) in hand]
JBL: This is brilliant!
Michael: Seth Rollins!
JBL: This is brilliant!
Michael: Mr. Money in the Bank! [Seth slides into the ring] What the hell? [Rollins hands the briefcase to referee Mike Chioda, and tells Chioda he is cashing in his contract immediately]
JBL: He...
Michael: Are you kidding me?!
Jerry: How can he do this?!
Michael: I have no idea!
Mike Chioda: [signalling to ring announcer Lilian Garcia] C'mere!
Seth Rollins: COME ON! C'MON, C'MON, C'MON!
Chioda: [to Lilian, handing the briefcase over] Seth Rollins is cashing in.
Michael: I mean, this is Money in the Bank, but... I mean, wait a minute!
Lilian Garcia: Ladies and gentlemen, Seth Rollins is cashing in his Money in the Bank.
Michael: B-b-but, there's a match going!
Lilian: Therefore, this will now be a triple threat match!
Michael: A triple threat match?!
Jerry: What?!
Michael: [as Seth kicks Roman out of the ring] What the hell? [The bell rings] Rollins knocks Reigns out of the ring! Seth Rollins now turns his attention to Lesnar!
JBL: Seth Rollins is one Curb Stomp away from being the WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
Michael: Rollins going for the Curb Stomp...
JBL: Here it is! [Rollins hits the Curb Stomp on Lesnar]
Jerry: WHOA!
Michael: Curb Stomp to Lesnar!
JBL: The future is now!
Michael: Seth Rollins... [Rollins looks back to see Reigns is still down, then turns back to Lesnar] checking on Reigns!
JBL: Seth is gonna finish him. Taking no chances here at all. [Rollins goes for another Curb Stomp, but Lesnar catches him to set up an F-5]
Michael: Went for another Curb Stomp, Lesnar...Lesnar picked him out of the air. [Lesnar turns around, only to catch a Spear from Reigns] Reigns with a Spear!
Jerry: OH!
Michael: A ripping Spear! [Seth hits the Curb Stomp on Reigns and goes for the pin] Curb Stomp on Reigns!
Jerry: Look out!
Michael: Cover by Rollins! [Chioda counts to three] ROLLINS WON THE TITLE! ROLLINS WON THE TITLE!
Jerry: Wait a minute!
Jerry: Are you kidding me?!
Lilian: Here is your winner and the NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins! [Rollins runs out of the ring and up the ramp]
JBL: First time in WrestleMania history, someone's cashed in Money in the Bank and walking out WWE World Heavyweight Champion! He stole one!
Michael: Seth Rollins... Seth Rollins... Rollins with the heist of the century!
JBL: Brilliant! Brilliant!
Michael: Seth Rollins is the WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
Jerry: I cannot believe my eyes! The unthinkable has happened!
Michael: And he never pinned the champ. He never pinned the champ! Triple threat rules! [Off the replay] Spear to Lesnar, Curb Stomp, Rollins capitalizing! Ingenious! Ingenious!
JBL: Absolutely brilliant! That is the Architect! That man built the Shield, that man tore down the Shield, and today at WrestleMania, he is the WWE World Heavyweight Champion! The future is now!
Jerry: Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar beat the holy hell out of each other, and this opportunist comes in and literally steals the World Heavyweight Championship!
Kevin Owens: [to Sami Zayn] Who do you think you are?! This is KOMania, go back to NXT!

Audience member: [after Dean Ambrose nails Brock Lesnar with a laptop] I hope you're backed up.

Michael Cole: For the 14th time in his career, The Undertaker enters (or steps) inside (or into) HIS yard. Hell in a Cell.

Stephanie McMahon: [introducing Triple H] Rise at the presence of the Authority & show your respect. You are merely the blind sheep who follow. You exist to serve us. We are the providers and the protectors. We are the leaders, the chiefs, and the generals. We are the absolute power. WE OWN YOU! You are mere barrels of humanity hanging onto the empty notion of hope - hope for a savior. Hope that someone or something will take away the pain. That is your pathetic lives. Well hope will pulverize at the hands of reality and tonight will be no different because after tonight, all hope will be gone! Because there can be only one who stands in this - the coliseum of the immortals as the Undisputed champion. Only one who takes the breath of his opponents with barbaric fortitude. Only one who wears the sharpened crown. Now bow down and grovel at his feet. He is the King. The King of Kings. The Cerebral Assassin. The Game - TRIPLE H!!!!

Michael: [Triple H signals to a downed Stephanie McMahon, who hands Triple H a sledgehammer] Oh my God, Stephanie... Stephanie's handed... handed Triple H his signature sledgehammer! Again, if Triple H is disqualified, he will retain the championship! He'll lose the match officially, but it won't matter to him!
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: Referee has seen it. [The referee admonishes Triple H] If Triple H uses it, he gets disqualified, but you're right! He walks out of here WWE Champion. [Triple H shoves the referee aside]
Michael: That could've been a disqualification - [suddenly, Reigns strikes Triple H with the Superman Punch] oh, SUPERMAN PUNCH! [Triple H, reeling, slowly gets up, only to be met by another Superman Punch] Another one by Reigns! [Reigns howls and bounces off the ropes, as Triple H reaches his feet. He attempts to hit Reigns with the butt of the sledgehammer, but Reigns ducks, avoiding the blow] Missed with the sledgehammer! [Reigns hits the Spear] SPEAR! SPEAR BY REIGNS! Cover; hooks the leg! [The referee counts three] REIGNS IS THE CHAMPION! REIGNS IS THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Lilian Garcia: Here is your winner, and the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Roman Reigns!
Michael: It is the renaissance of the Roman Empire! And it's left the Authority in shambles!
Big E: Ladies and gentlemen, as your WrestleMania hosts, we must inform you that we have just received word... [the audience reacts] ...that this ladder match has now become a Fatal Four-Way!
Xavier Woods: Which means that there is one more team involved in this match.
Kofi Kingston: Now... I wonder who this fourth team... could possibly be.
Audience: WHO? WHO? WHO?
[The New Day slowly begin to step toward the ring when, all of a sudden, another team's familiar music plays. The New Day abruptly step back as...]
Corey Graves: WHAT?!
Michael Cole: OH MY!
Bryon Saxton: You gotta be kidding me!
[The Hardy Boyz enter the arena]
Michael: Things are about to be broken! Team Xtreme is back! Matt and Jeff! The Hardy Boyz are here!
Bryon: I got goosebumps!
Michael: You’ve gotta be kidding me!

[After John Cena and Nikki Bella defeat The Miz & Maryse in a Mixed Tag Team Match]

John Cena: This... this is what you wanted over a year ago. You broke your neck and you did everything you could to come back, because you wanted a WrestleMania moment. I'm so very proud of you, but I can remember right before you were ready to go into surgery, I told you there'd be a time where you'd be a little bit loopy and I could ask you anything I wanted. And you would give me an honest answer and you wouldn't remember what we talked about. And for a year and a half, not a week went by where you asked me continuously: "Well, what happened? What happened?" And I promised I would tell you when the time was right. The time is right. Right as they were wheeling you into the O.R., you were glassy, and in and out, and in my last chance - at the very last second - I said "Stop." And I leaned in and I whispered, "Can you hear me?" And you said, "Yes." And I said, "Well, I only have one question." You said, "What is it?" And I said, "Do you know one day I'm gonna marry you?" [The crowd in Orlando erupts in cheers] And you said, "Yes." [sighs, knowing full well the magnitude of what he's about to do, and then continues:] I just need you to say "Yes" one more time. [The crowd erupts again as Cena pulls out a Tiffany Engagement Ring and gets down on one knee. He breaks character and shoots the following:] I have been waiting so long to ask you this: Stephanie Nicole Garcia-Colace... [offers the ring to Bella] ...will you marry me? [Nikki Bella nods "yes"; and both she and Cena embrace in a long hug]

Jim Ross: [as Roman Reigns bounces off the ropes] Oh, look out. Look out here. M-momentum... momentum -
Michael: [Reigns Spears the Undertaker] OH MAN!
John "Bradshaw" Layfield: OH GOD!
Jim: And a huge Spear [Reigns covers the Undertaker] into the heart of the Undertaker, [the referee counts three] and Roman Reigns has defeated the Undertaker at WrestleMania with a thunderous Spear!
JoJo: Here is your winner: Roman Reigns!
Jim: My God, what a physical matchup!
Michael: I believe, the greatest win of Roman Reigns's career.
JBL: It is the greatest win of Roman Reigns's career 20 years from now, 100 years from now! He just defeated the Undertaker, who... the Undertaker emptied everything in his arsenal; maybe everything in his soul.
Corey Graves: Through the flames of Viserion, winter is here! The Kingslayer, Seth Rollins, is ready for WrestleMania!

[After losing to Charlotte Flair, Asuka grabs a microphone]
Asuka: Charlotte......was READY for Asuka! Congratulations! [They embrace in a hug]

[As The Undertaker makes his way to the ring ominously, the crowd cheers in love and respect! Some even bow before him]

Jonathan “The Coach” Coachman: You know, John Cena...wished and asked for this. Leave it to Cena. And you know, guys, it was John Cena who brought The Undertaker back. Nobody else.
Corey Graves: The question though is which Undertaker did John Cena bring back. Was it last year’s Undertaker?
Michael Cole: And the point Corey was making earlier was that last year, we all thought it was done. We all thought it was all over and we would never see it again, but now, the Deadman is back...in a match that pits in my mind two of the greatest performers in WWE history. Perhaps of all time. The 16-time world champion John Cena...and The Undertaker!

Aiden English: Tonight, you can forget about your RKO's
Will it be glorious? Pssh! Oh, no!
Mahal will fall on the greatest stage of them all
'Cause the Lion of Bulgaria, the Shakespeare of Song
We've been fightin' for this stage for far too long
And there's gonna be a new US Champ today
Because ladies and gentlemen, today, WrestleMania is...
Aiden: [drawing it out] Rusev Da-a-a-a-a-y-y-y-y!

[A float rides onto the stage]
Corey: What the hell is this?
Michael: Corey, it's a Mardi Gras float.
Coach: What is this?
Corey: It's Rex Manning Day, it's not Mardi Gras.
Paul Heyman: Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong! If my client is not on last, then we're not hanging around here all night to wait! We're getting our business done, and we're getting on a jet to Las Vegas, where my client is ultimately appreciated! So let's get this nonsense over with; we’re doing it right here, right now! Ladies and gentlemen, introducing, at 265 pounds, the Rollins-stomping beast slayer slayer, the reigning, defending, undisputed Universal heavyweight champion, Brock Lesnar!

[Having just kicked Daniel Bryan numerous times in the head, Kofi Kingston heads to a corner, and amid chants of "New Day Rocks!" waits for Bryan to slowly get up]
Byron Saxton: Bryan is barely moving!
Tom Phillips: [After a while, Bryan finally gets to his feet, and Kingston makes his move] Kofi measuring the champion... [Kingston hits Trouble in Paradise on Bryan] TROUBLE IN PARADISE!
Byron: COVER HIM! [Kofi covers him, the referee counts and the audience counts along with him. At 3, the crowd erupts]
Tom: [Big E and Xavier Woods, at ringside, rush to the ring to embrace Kofi as:] KOFI DID IT! KOFI DID IT! KOFI DID IT! KOFI IS CHAMPION!
Greg Hamilton: [As he says this, we cut back and forth between the New Day's celebration, the crowd reaction, and the reaction backstage where certain WWE Superstars have been watching the match] Here is your winner, and the NEW WWE Champion: Kofi Kingston!
Byron: 11 years! 11 LONG YEARS! Every hoop, every barricade, every hurdle! And finally, Kofi Kingston has DONE IT, MAN!
Tom: For everything this man has gone through... Kofi, it was WORTH IT!

[after Pat McAfee gets stunned by Stone Cold Steve Austin]

Byron Saxton: I hate to say it! But DTA, Pat! Don't trust anybody!
Michael Cole: Especially the dirtiest son of a bitch to ever play the game!!

Michael Cole: What an honor this is…to witness one of the greatest, maybe, the greatest of all time. The headline inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame: The Undertaker. Man, what a sight.
Michael Cole: Tag! Sami's legal! Long time coming! [Sami delivers a Helluva Kick to Jey Uso] That had to feel oh so good! Helluva Kick! [Jey falls into Sami's arms. Sami pushes him back into the corner and gives a second Kick] And another!
Corey Graves: Here comes Jimmy.
[Kevin Owens Stuns Jimmy Uso out of the ring]
Michael: Stunner! [Sami pushes Jey back into the corner and delivers one last Kick] Three's the one! Cover! [The referee counts to three] The Bloodline be damned!
Mike Rome: Here are your winners and the NEW Undisputed WWE Tag Team Champions: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn!
Michael: An incredible outpouring of emotion! Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens win the WWE Tag Team Titles for the first time in their WWE careers!
Michael Cole: [Roman Reigns attempts to spear Cody Rhodes, but instead gets kicked in the head] Cody caught him! [Rhodes sets Reigns up for the Cross Rhodes] Cody, middle of the ring! [Rhodes delivers Cross Rhodes, but instead of covering him, he holds on to Reigns] Cross Rhodes! Cody's not done yet! [Rhodes delivers a second Cross Rhodes] Cody with another Cross Rhodes! [Still Rhodes does not let go of Reigns] Is he gonna do it? Can he do it? Is this a Rhodes moment? Come on, Cody! [Completely ignoring Paul Heyman screaming "NO! NO!", Rhodes delivers a third Cross Rhodes] Cross Rhodes! Cover! [Rhodes covers Reigns and referee Charles Robinson counts three; Cole punctuates each count with the following] FINISHED... THE... STORY! [The crowd erupts]
Samantha Irvin: [barely containing her excitement] Here is your winner— and the NEW— Undisputed WWE Champion: "The American Nightmare" Cody Rhodes!
Corey Graves: Samantha Irvin, understandably, overcome with emotion.
Pat McAfee: We ALL are! We all are.
Michael: [The belt is handed to Rhodes as fans sing along to his music "Kingdom"; Cody's wife, Brandi, enters the ring and gives him a congratulatory kiss] For the first time ever, a Rhodes can call himself WWE Champion! Dammit, Cody Rhodes finished the damn story!

Michael: [moments later, as certain of Cody Rhodes' friends enter the ring to celebrate his win] Cody Rhodes has finally done what he set out to do. I've known this young man since he was a little boy. I saw him at a Hall of Fame speech where I knew that he was gonna be a star. He had "star" written all over him. I went through Internet shows with him; I had a damn Tag Team Championship match with him. He left here disgruntled, heartbroken, to go create his own story. And Cody Rhodes came back here as a Superstar. Cody Rhodes came back here and did something that his father, one of the greatest of all time, "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, could never accomplish. Cody Rhodes came back here and won the WWE Championship. Dammit, I love professional wrestling.

Cody Rhodes: [moments later] Real quick. I know it's been a long night... I am... I am surrounded by greatness in this ring. I am surrounded by greatness in this stadium. There are two people I would not have been here. I would've literally never made it back to the WWE without one of them, I want him to come out here, and that's Bruce Prichard. And then the other, the other is pleading and kicking and doesn't want to come out here, but we have started a brand new era. He is the leader of that era, please, Triple H, come on down!
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