- "The smooth grooves of this song will make it to at least Number 2."
- "You wanna come over? James Ingram and I are getting wasted and writing smooth music."
- "What did you say? Yah mo' be there?"
- "You're drowning in the past, Mike. But I've got your life vest right here: it's called the 80's, and it's gonna be around forever!"
- "Fuck you! You're not Koko. Koko's dead as shit."
- "When a friend is drowning in a sea of sadness, you don't just toss him a life vest, you swim one over to him."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You caught me relaxing in my music nook."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You caught me basting some lamb shanks."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You caught me taking a shit."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You caught me attending the funeral of a loved one."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You've caught me murdering a homeless woman."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You've caught me making love."
- "Hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. I'm ready for you this time."
- "Oh, hi, I'm Hollywood Steve. You've caught me becoming estranged from my spouse."
- "So what'll it be, Mikey? Are you gonna take it up the ass? Or take it to the streets!"
- "Fuck you, Loggins! Hall and I will not stand idly by while you California vagina sailors stab the American airwaves in the balls with your shit ... music!"
- "Fame... Fortune... Fagina."
- "Get your dick out of your heart! Do you even know what the kids on the street are listening to? Disco, motherfucker!"
- "Donald says, 'Koko's not truly dead until the smooth music is.'"
- <clears throat> "Eat bat, prick!"
- "Alright Toto, I've done some research, and I've found out that the root chakra is my taint. That means she really wants to fuck me."
- "Come on Amnesia Jack, you're a Doobie Brother... Michael McDonald, one smooth motherfucker!"