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Yonderland (2013–16) is a British sitcom television series. It was created by, is written by and stars the main performers from CBBC's series Horrible Histories.

Season 1[edit]

The Chosen Mum [1.1][edit]

[Debbie is trying to get her children to stand still for a photo]

Debbie: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5. [pause] Pete, counting to 5's stopped working
Peter: It happened at the weekend. You've got to bribe them with chocolate now.

Debbie: What happened? Where am I?
Elf: Well, you know the New Forest?
Debbie: Yeah...
Elf: It's like that, but in another world.

Nick: I'm a magic stick. Get over it.

Elder Trevor: She doesn't sound very impressive.
Elder Vex: Trevor, you're a blob.

Wizard Bradley [1.2][edit]

Debbie: Pete, if there was a £50 note in the garden, would you go and get it?
Peter: Yes.
Debbie: Well then you haven't got flu.
Peter: What?
Debbie: Well that's the test, for flu.
Peter: But it's fifty quid! Don't you remember what I went through to get that £2 coin I dropped down the loo?

Wizard Bradley: Don't miss my next performance when I will be showcasing my rain spell... weather permitting.

[A younger Wizard Bradley is in a nightclub surrounded by women]
Wizard Bradley: It actually looks like a wand!

[Wizard Bradley reaches in vain for his dropped hat as the temple doors close behind him]
Wizard Bradley: My haaaaaaaaaaaat! [pause] Can easily be replaced.

Reformation [1.3][edit]

The Ultimate Prize [1.4][edit]

Closing the Portal [1.5][edit]

Elf: Ennythingos: home of the sacred fire and our version of the clap, so just don't.

The Idiot King [1.6][edit]

The Heart of the Sun [1.7][edit]

Dirty Ernie [1.8][edit]

Narrator: Far far ago, the ancients wrote upon the scrolls that dark forces would sweep our realm, until only Yonderland remained. But they told also of a saviour, come from a distant world to save us from the shadows. Can you dig?

Season 2[edit]

Panic in the Streets of Yonderland [2.1][edit]

Elders: Kill the blob! Smash him in! Eat the blob!
Vice Elder Flowers: Eat his face!
Scribe Elder Ho-Tan: Woah woah, wait, I thought you were a vegetarian?
Vice Elder Flowers: Is he not a vegetable?
Scribe Elder Ho-Tan: Grey area, like fish.

The Winging Detective [2.2][edit]

A Vicious Circle [2.3][edit]

Up the Workers [2.4][edit]

Negatus: He's not hiding, you cretin, he's dead!

Negatus: You have failed me for the last time.
Demon Jeff: Please, I can keep failing you!

Babbas: Perfect! A little helper! How are you at holding stuff?
Demon Jeff: It's on my CV, but then again, so's computer skills, and I've no idea what that means.

Picket Fence 1: Where did you get the egg?
Picket Fence 2: Honestly? From the bum of a bird.

Debbie: This could have been happening for quillennia... oh God, I've started saying "quillennia".

Nanny La Roo [2.5][edit]

Game of Crones [2.6][edit]

Le Fox [after smashing a bottle of wine over Igor's head]: Don't worry, it was only a Rosé.

The Last Fahl [2.7][edit]

Debbie: He's clearly not all there. He collects bums!
Squint: And stamps... no-one ever goes on about the stamps.

Nigel: Mum said she'd texted you.
Peter: Oh, what, d'you mean [looks at phone] "Cad conid locket lig haroo"? I haven't had a chance to send that one to Bletchley yet.

Fahl: I only ask for the simple things in life. Food, water, move that mountain out of my sun! But no, you never fail to disappoint me.

Careful What You Wish For [2.8][edit]

Demon Rita: If he's an evil genius, where's his bumbling assistant?
Igor: Jeffrey!
Demon Neil: Oh, good choice!
Demon Rita: Nailed it.


External links[edit]

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