Johnny Bravo

Johnny Bravo (1997-2004) is a Cartoon Network American animated television series that centers on a sunglasses-wearing, muscular young man who lives with his mother and attempts to get women to date him, though he is usually unsuccessful.

Season 1

Johnny Bravo / Jungle Boy in Mr Monkeyman / Johnny Bravo and the Amazon Women [1.1]

Johnny: [running] Did you see a gorilla around here?

Businessman: No.

Johnny: Did you see a gorilla around here?

Hippie: No.

Johnny: Did you see a gorilla around here?

Gorgeous woman: [flirtatious tone] No.

Johnny: Did you see a... [pauses and runs backwards]

Old woman: Gorilla?

Johnny: Hey there hot mama, you wouldn't happen to be hiding a gorilla under them clothes, would you?

[gorgeous woman grabs Johnny by the arm and entangles him into a battered down victim with little effort]

Johnny: Yeah. She wants me.

---

Gorilla: Your mamma's so big she wore high heels and struck oil...your face is so ugly it could make onions cry.

Super Duped / Bungled in the Jungle / Bearly Enough Time! [1.2]

Johnny: Wanna see me comb my hair, really fast?

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Jungle Boy: He didn't mean to hurt anyone. Did you, Mister Johnny?

Johnny: Of course not, kid. I wouldn't hurt a fly.

Fly: It's a lie. It's a lie!

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Chronos: [seeing his clocks destroyed] NO! My clocks! The time...! The time!

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Chronos: What are you doing in my cave, son? Didn't you see the signs? It says "stay out".

Johnny: No. It says, "Do not enter without--"

Chronos: Shut up, kid. I know what it says. Do you have any idea who I am?

Johnny: A bear in the woods.

Chronos: Of course, I'm a bear in the woods! But I'm not just any bear. [dramatically] I am Chronos! Master of all time! [thunder and lightning cracks]

Johnny: Good for you. Well, you know, I was just lookin' for my mama, and I should be...

[Chronos growls and snorts in Johnny's face.]

Johnny: Man! You have smelled yourself?

Chronos: You fool! Don't you understand what I'm telling you? I control all time! Here, I'll prove it to you! [presses several buttons on a device]

Device: At the town, the time will be exactly 8:35 and 3 seconds.

Chronos: You're wrong! It's 8:36 and 12 seconds! [to Johnny] See? I'm Chronos! Master of all time! [thunder and lightning cracks] Do you know what my favorite magazine is?

Johnny: Young Bride?

Chronos: No. It's Time. Someday, I'm going to be on the cover.

Johnny: Well, I'm happy for you and all, mister, but I gotta--

Chronos: Where do you think you're going? You're in big trouble, kid. You woke me up early from my hibernation.

Johnny: No, I didn't. You see that clock? It's midnight.

Chronos: That's a VCR, kid! Not even I, Chronos, master of all time can set one of those... [sees Johnny running away] things.

---

[Johnny has been placed into a cooking pot by Chronos.]

Johnny: What are you doing?

Chronos: I'm afraid I'm going to have to eat you, kid.

Johnny: Uh, you don't wanna eat me, bear. See, I'm too pretty to eat.

Chronos: You don't understand, kid. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten in six months. Ever tried that, son?

Johnny: No.

Chronos: Being master of all time, I must strictly adhere to my set schedule. Am I reaching you, kid?

Johnny: No.

Chronos: See this? This is my yearly calendar. Sleep and eat. Eat and sleep. Am I sleeping?

Johnny: No.

Chronos: Well then, guess who's coming to dinner.

The Sensitive Male! / Bravo Dooby-Doo [1.3]

Velma: My glasses! I can't see without my glasses!

Johnny: My glasses! I can't be seen without my glasses!

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Johnny: Jinkies? Isn't that a breakfast cereal?

Date with an Antelope / Did You See a Bull Run by Here? / Cookie Crisis [1.4]

Waiter: May I help you, sir?

Johnny: Table for two, please.

Waiter: I'm sorry, sir. We only serve humans.

Carol: Wait a minute! Aren't you Mike Stevens?

Waiter: Why, yes.

Carol: You went to college with my father.

Waiter: Oh my gosh! Carol? Oh, wow! I didn't even recognize you. Oh my goodness! You've gotten so big.

Carol: You say that to all of the antelope. You look great, Mike.

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Little Suzy: Would you eat them with a fox?

Johnny: If the fox were Courtney Cox. But since that is not the case, get that stuff away from my face.

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Johnny: That's it, kid! I've had enough! I'm really sick of all this stuff! I don't want cookies, can't ya see? Now get your stuff away from me! I will not buy them, not one box. I will not eat them with a fox. I will not buy a peanut swirl. I will not buy it, little girl. I will not eat them on a boat, with a goat, or in a coat. You drive me nuts! It's really true! I've really had enough of you. You've got until the count of 3 to go away and let me be. 1-

I Used to Be Funny / My Fair Dork / 'Twas the Night [1.5]

Johnny: I may be late honey, but I'm looking good.

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[King Raymond isn't happy to receive a lump of coal]

Johnny: Sorry, Magilla. Just following orders.

Blarney Buddies / Over the Hump! / Johnny Meets Farrah Fawcett [1.6]

Farrah Fawcett: [while playing pin the tail on the donkey] This is so much fun I can't remember the last time I was blindfolded. Oh wait... yes I can! [giggles]

Beach Blanket Bravo / The Day the Earth Didn't Move Around Very Much / The Aisle of Mixed-Up Toys [1.8]

Johnny: The Beach is that way. [Holds up arm and points to show off his muscles]

Substitute Teacher / A Wolf in Chick's Clothing / Intensive Care [1.9]

Johnny: Give me two tickets, please.

Ticket booth woman: No pets allowed.

Johnny: She ain't no pet. She's a werewolf.

Ticket booth woman: A werewolf? [screams and flees]

Johnny: I guess that means we don't have to pay.

Going Batty / Berry the Butler / Red Faced in the White House [1.11]

Lois: My name is Lois - a mistress of the night. [Thunder lighting]

Johnny: My name is Johnny - a Mister of the Universe. A popular girl like you is going to need some wooing.

Lois: Wooing? I haven't been wooed in millennia.

The Man Who Cried 'Clown / Johnny Real Good / Little Talky Tabitha! [1.12]

Johnny: [to Talky Tabitha] Now listen Raggedy Evil! You better stop. [Talky Tabitha throws Johnny against the wall]

Johnny Bravo Meets Adam West! / Under the Big Flop / Johnny Meets Donny Osmond [1.13]

Donny Osmond: Now, Johnny, I'm going to teach you how to sing!

Johnny: I'm gonna teach you how to shut up.

Donny Osmond: Cool! It'll be like a trade!

Season 2

Bikini Space Planet! / Moby Jerk / A Gel for Johnny [2.1]

Johnny: What's up with the cable?

Estronian queen: Cable? What is this cable, sire?

Johnny Get Your Tutu / Johnny's Inferno / Forest Chump [2.2]

Kid: Look, Mommy! That guy's looking at pictures of almost naked men!

[the whole store stares at Johnny]

Johnny: This is a men's fitness magazine, I want to look like this, not at this... I've got nothin' to be ashamed of!

[walks up to cashier ashamed, and drops change on the counter]

Johnny: ...TV Guide.

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Johnny: [Johnny and Carl crash on a deserted island and are separated] Guess Carl didn't make it. I'll miss the little fella. [pause] Oh, well. Can't mourn forever!

Claws / To Helga and Back / Cover Boy [2.4]

Johnny: What's this horsey thing again?

Computer: It's a knight.

Johnny: Can I move here?

Computer: No!

Johnny: King me!

Computer: THERE IS NO "KING ME" IN CHESS!

Johnny: [plays with pieces] Look at me! I'm a martian!

[Computer self-destructs]

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Johnny: Mmm. Frosted Sugar Bits. The great taste of frosted sugar in bits.

Doomates / Johnny's Telethon / Johnny's Guardian Angel [2.6]

Bunny: I'm installing a V-chip to screen out all the mindless garbage...before it rots your brain!

Johnny: Mindless garbage not rot brain.

Panic in Jerky Town / Alien Confidential / Mama's New Boyfriend [2.9]

Johnny: Some people look at Jerky and say "Why"? Me, I look at Jerky and I say Mmm! Jerky!

Welcome Back, Bravo / The Man with the Golden Gut / Aunt Katie's Farm [2.10]

Johnny: Four feet good! Two feet bad!

Galaxy Boy / Damien's Day Out / Noir Johnny [2.14]

Johnny: Bad baby! Stop defying the laws of physics!

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Pops: I was never in Detroit, I don't know anything about a missing shipment of exotic sea turtles.

Pop Art Johnny / Dude Ranch Doofus / A Cake Too Far [2.16]

Johnny: Hey! 16th place! That's not bad!

Little Suzy: There were only 12 contestants.

Look Who's Drooling / Law and Disorder / Tooth or Consequences [2.17]

Johnny: Oh yeah! Who's the fairy, who's the fairy?! [Dances then quickly stops] You didn't see that, did you?

Season 3

Luke Perry's Guide to Love / In the Line of Johnny / Fugitive Johnny [3.1]

Johnny: Oh, you are Fidel Castro

Luke Perry: Eh, no Luke Perry

Johnny: Right, What did I say?

Luke Perry: Hey, look I have to go

Johnny: No wait I am your biggest fan. I based all my life in you and all the cast of Baywatch

Luke Perry: Don't you mean 90210

Johnny: Ah, Luke Perry

Scoop Bravo / The Incredible Shrinking Johnny / Backdaft [3.4]

Johnny: I am investigating the disappearance of all the cats in the city... my living room is full of cats... that means... [pause] I'm hungry!

Dental Hijinks / Little Red Riding Johnny / Pouch Potato [3.7]

[Johnny is screaming]

Mama: Johnny! What's all the commotion?

Johnny: I got a toothache, mama.

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Johnny: [eating ice cream with a toothache] Chomp, chomp, chomp, AAH! MY TOOTH! THE PAIN! THE HORRIBLE PAIN! Mmm, creamy! Chomp, Chomp, Chomp, AAH! THE STABBING KNIVES OF PAIN! Hey! It's got nuts in it!

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Mama: Johnny, have you been taking good care of your teeth?

Johnny: Yes, mama. I've been brushing everyday with this baking soda and peroxide. [holds up jar]

Mama: Johnny, this isn't baking soda and peroxide, its cane sugar and molasses.

Johnny: To-may-to, To-mah-to.

Lord of the Links / Bootman / Freudian Dip [3.14]

Johnny: MONSTERS FROM THE ID!

The Island of Mrs. Morceau / The Color of Mustard / Third Dork from the Sun [3.16]

Johnny: Whaddaya mean? I got the hamster wheel and the hamster food dispenser. [looks in the mirror] Oh no! She's turnin' me into a beautiful butterfly!

---

Mama: Johnny, are you warping time and space again?

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Johnny: Varied are the life forms that inhabit our strange galaxy, and wondrous are the ways that- [sees a marshmallow cookie] Mmm, Mars-mallow!

Season 4

Home Alone [4.4]

Johnny: Whoa! A castle in the sky! Just like in that fairy tale of Little Red Rumplestiltskin and the Three Bears and Gretel!

It's a Magical Life / The Hunk at the End of This Cartoon [4.9]

Johnny: Hey! I get it! A hunk of cheese! [laughs] Wait a minute, that's not funny.

Specials

A Johnny Bravo Christmas

Johnny: But these letters! If Santa doesn't get these letters by tonight, I might not get all those free presents I asked for. And who ever heard of a Christmas without free stuff?

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Johnny: Hey, Santa, it's me, Johnny. Remember I'm the one that beat you up last year 'cause I thought you were a burglar?

It's Valentine's Day, Johnny Bravo!

Johnny: Dog... donkey... Well, they both start with the letter N...

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Heather: I don't know how to put this lightly, but... I'm actually a counter-intelligence spy working for the CIA trying to take down an underground group of spies who claim to be an offshoot of the CIA but are actually part of the bad guys.

Johnny: ...Wanna see me comb my hair really fast?

Recurring quotes

Johnny: Whoa, Mama!

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Johnny: [whenever someone corrects him] Right, what did I say?

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Johnny: [whenever Johnny is about to take a beating] This won't end well.

Unsorted

Johnny: [After a random story] And then my pants fell down.

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Johnny: [When he doesn't understand someone] Now listen mister I ain't got no time for you to be talking Greek.

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Johnny: Sup Baby! Anybody ever tell you I have beautiful eyes?

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Johnny: Enough about you, let's talk about me, Johnny Bravo.

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Johnny: You look pretty...I look pretty...why don't we go home and stare at each other?

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Johnny: Hey there smart mama, typin' recipes?

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Johnny: I bet your name's Mickey, 'cause you're so fine. You're so fine you...

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Johnny: Great Scott. My pizza sense is tingling.

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Johnny: Do the Monkey with me

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Johnny: Sweet. Bring on the Danish chicks and cream soda.

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Johnny: Now remember, I do my best work when I'm being worshiped as a god.

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Johnny: Mama mia. That's a spicy meatball!.

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Johnny: You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me? Hoo-hah!

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Johnny: Pops? It's me, Johnny! I couldn't find any donuts so I brought some tile grout!

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Johnny: You know, you'd think a person with that much hate in her heart wouldn't gravitate towards the service industry.

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Johnny: Check the pecs. Hoo ha hoo-hah!

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Johnny: Mister, I don't think you realize who you're talking to. I'm Johnny Bravo, the one-man army!

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Johnny: Wanna watch my chest hair move in slow motion?

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Johnny: If loving me is wrong, you don't wanna be right!

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Johnny: [Looks in mirror] Wait, who's that handsome guy? [Dials phone] Hello, 911 emergency? There's a handsome guy in my house Oh, wait, cancel that. It's only me.

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Johnny: Hey baby, can I be your natural selection?

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Johnny: This is not good... for my hair!

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Johnny: Aah. The great smell of pig!

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Johnny: No Mama! I'm too old for the tiny pants!

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Johnny: I came, I saw, I broke a hip.

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Johnny: 4%? That's almost 5%!

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Johnny: $20,000? That's almost $20,000!

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Johnny: Space. It's really, really, really, really big.

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Johnny: If all you boys and girls will clap real hard, Johnny can make bail! Get me the Lawyer Fairy!

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Johnny: Neighbor kid help! Witch's curse shrank me! Cops chasing me! I live with my mom! NO MOTIVATING GOALS!

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Johnny: You know, that reminds me of a funny story. I was washing my head in the toilet the other day, when... [later] So when the battery ran out, I realized I had my underwear over my head, the whole time! [Laughs]

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Johnny: It's a beautiful day. But not as beautiful as me.

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Johnny: Hey babearilla, that a pretty eensie-weensie, teeny-weenie polka-dot thingy you got going there.

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Johnny: Aw, man! That does it! This is my favorite shirt! I gotta go wash up!

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Johnny: I am sickened... but curious.

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Little Suzy: Shut up! Mrs. Bravo, Johnny won't cooperate!

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Little Suzy: My balloon! Oh, Johnny. [Runs away sobbing] Oh, Johnny.

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Carl: You broke it, you big clumsy, frameless, insensitive oaf! I'm still your best friend, though, right?

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Pops: Fetch me the Fez of Forgetfulness.

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Pops: Ehh, e-everyone stay calm... because we're all doomed!

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Pops: Everyone take your big wads of cash...I mean, places.

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Pops: I'm sorry Carl, I can't see you now. I've got HUGE dollar signs in my eyes.

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Pops: There are a thousand stories in a naked city. I only know 53 of them.

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Pops: It's the famous I-talian actress, Gina Gotta-nice-a-body.

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Little Suzy: I hope this doesn't go on my permanent record.