Total Drama World Tour
Walk Like an Egyptian - Part 1
- Chris: Season Three of Total Drama, folks! The world is gonna be mine, sea to shining sea! Sadly, I'm forced to share my world with a three-ring team traveling freak show!
(a white and blue bus arrives)
Chris: They'll be competing all around the globe for another million dollars! So, let's meet our players! Courtney! Duncan! Heather! Gwen! Leshawna!
(Gwen bumps into Heather)
Gwen: Are there reserved seats? I mean, can I have one not behind Heather's pony hair ponytail?
Heather: Um, my extensions are human hair!
Duncan: You learn something new every day.
- Harold: Aerophobia. From the Latin, as opposed aeronausiphobia, the fear of flying sickness.
Noah: Keep up the fascinating facts and I'm gonna be aero-nauseous all over you.
- Ezekiel: Yo, yo, yo! This year's winner is in the house, eh, bus, I mean...runwayyyy! Where's the plane, eh?
Izzy: (behind Ezekiel) I know, right?! Let's fly! (jumps on Ezekiel's shoulders)
Ezekiel: Whoa! Watch out! (both of them fall backwards)
- Chris: And now to mix things up and keep it all fresh, we're adding two new competitors! He's an honor-roll student with a diplomat for a dad and an amazing ability to charm the pants off most species. Alejandro!
(Spanish music plays as Alejandro steps out of the bus and removes his sunglasses)
Alejandro: Perhaps, I could assist. (helps Bridgette and Izzy up)
Izzy: (after Alejandro helps her and Bridgette up) Wow-ie!
Bridgette: I-I have a boyfriend!
Alejandro: And amigos, please, allow me. (offers to help up Tyler and Ezekiel)
Ezekiel: Wow, eh.
Tyler: I like girls!
- Chris: And she's a sugar addicted super fan with sixteen Total Drama blogs! Sierra!
(Sierra comes running out of the bus)
Sierra: Oh my gosh, I love you guys! And this is the greatest day of my life! (hyperventilates) Anyone got a paper bag I can breathe into? (notices someone off-screen and runs towards it, revealing it to be Cody) Oh my gosh, Cody! I've dreamt of this moment! Only you weren't wearing a shirt!
- Courtney: (referring to the Total Drama Jumbo Jet) Excuse me, but I'd like to express some concern about the safety of our plane.
Chris: Relax, it's perfectly safe! (a part of the jet falls, and a raccoon runs out of it) Now boarding!
Owen: No! I can't ride in that! Call the United Nations, call a cab, call my Mom! I'm not doing this, I'm out! This is unethical!
Chris: (walks over to Owen with a frying pan in his hand and hits him in the head off-screen with it)
Owen: (in a high-pitched voice) Mommy.
Chris: Anyone else got a problem with it?
Lindsay: Love it!
Bridgette: Dibs on the window seat!
- Chris: Now boarding on a voyage to a million big ones! We're saving you a first class seat for all the action! Right here on Total! Drama! (sings) Woooorld Tour!
- Gwen: Singing? Really? I thought Chris was joking about that!
Courtney: Well, I don't have a problem with it.
Leshawna: Yeah, 'cause you like singing!
Duncan: Well, I don't! Girls sing. Little birdies sing. Ha-ha. Duncans do not sing.
- Chris: Any-who, this is the dining area, where you'll enjoy in-flight meals.
Ezekiel: Not for long, eh! Prepare to lose to The Zeke!
Gwen: Okay, so not trying to be mean here, but (puts her hand on Ezekiel's 00shoulder) you do know that you got voted out first last time, right?
Ezekiel: Word! And I spent every minute since making sure that don't happen again! I'm stronger, faster, smarter-
Chris: Chattier, blabbier, can't-shut-upier... now zip it and let me finish this tour so we can get this bird in flight!
- Leshawna: Is there a ladies room?
Chris: Just through there.
Leshawna: Good, cause I gotta make a deposit! (walks into restroom and then finds a camera) There's a camera in the potty... AGAIN?!?!? UGGH!!! Can't a sister get a little privacy on this program?!
- Sierra: OMG, Chris, I am just LOL!
- Ezekiel: We should hit the winners' compartment, eh? Cause I ain't never gonna sit back here! Hah, never!
Noah: Is "never" your policy on mouthwash too, homeschool?
- Chris: If you don't receive a barf bag full of airline-issue peanuts...
Ezekiel: I got a peanut allergy, yo... or more like a sensitivity.
Chris: ...you'll be forced to take the Drop of Shame.
Ezekiel: Okay, I just don't like--
Chris: Kinda like this! (grabs Ezekiel and throws him off the moving plane)
Ezekiel: HEY!!! (laughs) Good one, eh! Now, slow down and let my bling back in!
Chris: All eliminations are final, bro!
- DJ: (referring to Alejandro) That guy's smooth as mama's gravy!
Tyler: But Lindsay's supposed to like me!
DJ: Ha-hah! No one can compete with gravy!
- Heather: (in cockpit confessional) I can see right through that guy! You know this extra confessional is a thousand times nicer than talking in the toilet!
Chef Hatchet: Maybe for you, I'm trying to prep for a flight here.
Heather: Hello?! Venting! Shhhh! Anyway, new guy is so transparent, sooo fake, sooo--
Chef Hatchet: Deliciously seductive?
Heather: That is exactly the opposite of what I was trying to say!
Chef Hatchet: Pretty good looking guy, to boot. I'm just sayin'!
Heather: Ugh! Forget this!
- Heather: (in washroom confessional) Anyway, with Beth gone, and Lind-siot and Ale-whatever looking like a real threat, my only strategic option is to make friends with the new girl. But pretending to like that is going to be hard! I do not heart the new girl!
- Chef: (on the intercom) Enough singing, fruitcakes! Strap yourselves in; we are now beginning our descent into Egypt. (to himself) Musical numbers... worst idea ever. Chris is such an idiot. (Chris gasps, then looks annoyed) Hey, why's the PA light still on... ? Oh sh- (intercom cuts off).
- Chris: (after a bell rings) Whenever you hear that friendly little bell, it's musical number time! So, let's hear it.
Courtney: But, what are we supposed to sing?
Chris: You have to make it up as you go. Wouldn't be challenging otherwise now, would it?
- Leshawna: An eleven hour flight, Chef's in-flight cuisine, a forced musical number, and now we got a challenge?
- Harold: Aluminum foil means the aliens can't read your brain. That's a real problem in this area.
- Ezekiel: (running towards everybody) Wait up, yo! You guys! Wait up! (slides heel against sand to slow down, then runs up to Chris) I told ya I wasn't gonna lose this time, eh!
Chris: Didn't we leave you in like, Halifax or Whitehorse? Or whatever?
Ezekiel: It's called landing gear, homie. I climbed it, and hid with the cargo.
Chris: Impressive, but... you're still out.
Ezekiel: No way! I'm in it to win it! Word!
Chris: Hey, it's your funeral. (pauses) Set. GO! (Chris clashes the cymbals together in Ezekiel's face, causing him to flinch as everybody else runs)
- Noah: Oh great, our friendly neighborhood host dude failed to mention there were different paths.
- Owen: How do we know which way's right?
Izzy: I know! Okay, I saw this in a spy movie once. You lick your finger and hold it up to find the air flow! (Izzy licks her finger) Mmmm! The sand really crunches in your teeth. Fun!
- Izzy: Oh, look! We're in the nurse's office.
- Noah: It's a pyramid, not a High School.
- (Duncan, Courtney, and Gwen are climbing up the pyramid)
Courtney: (to Gwen) And your form is appalling!
Gwen: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks Courtney, I was just wondering about that!
Courtney: You know, you're only here because I'm feeling nice today.
Gwen: Wow, this is you being nice? (to Duncan) My sympathies!
Courtney: Are you hearing this, Duncan?! You're not gonna let her get away with that!
(Duncan glares back at the two girls, then lets out a frustrated sigh)
- Izzy: Guys, guys, guys! How about another musical number?! (starts singing) A pyramid is just a triangle with room inside. I would be awesome as Frankenstein's bride.
- Tyler: Is it too late to go under instead?
Lindsay: Alejandro's doing okay. He's like, the super cutest mountain goat in the world!
Tyler: Wait! I can be a goat!
Alejandro: May I be of assistance? (takes Bridgette and Lindsay's hands and helps them up the pyramid)
Tyler: (once Lindsay accepts Alejandro's help up the pyramid) Lindsay! I'm a goat! Bahhh!
- DJ: (seeing a mummified dog) That's a real dog! Poor little guy.
Leshawna: DJ! We do not have time to cry over a stuffed dog!
DJ: Hey there, little buddy. Wish I had a biscuit to give 'ya.
(DJ attempts to pet the mummified dog, but it breaks into pieces)
DJ: What did I do?! What did I do?!
- Ezekiel: (alone inside the pyramid) Guys? Anybody? (Notices an object resembling an intercom in the wall) An intercom? What the shizzle? (into the intercom) Yo, playas! Is this thing on? (Presses it, causing a trapdoor in the ceiling to open, which drops a pile of bandages and several ancient Egyptian artifacts on top of him)
- Alejandro: (discovering Tyler, Owen and Noah on his team) That's... wonderful! (cuts to Alejandro in the lavatory confessional) (bleep) Que idiotas! (bleep) Incompetentes! (bleep)!
- Duncan: You know what? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Three hours of these two squawking on this stupid pyramid in this stupid heat, and you want me to sing?! FORGET IT!
Chris: Dude, you have a contract.
Duncan: Eat it, McLean! If you need me, I'll be in the plane waiting for a ride home 'cause I'm out. Done. I quit!
Courtney and Gwen: (gasps)
- Cody: (In confessional) Girls on the rebound are the best! They cry, and then you get to buy them a pop and listen and then, well, they still won't go out with you, but you get to buy them a pop!
- Ezekiel: (Sarcastically) Thanks for all the help, you knobs.
- Tyler: (on choosing the team name) Team number one and number two!
Sierra: Got it! Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot!
Alejandro, Noah, Owen and Tyler: What?!
Chris: Alright! Best team name ev-er.
- Chris: Team Chris is Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Hot-
Alejandro: I think there were only four "reallys."
- Leshawna: So the guys who come in last get a camel and we get a stick?!
Anything Yukon Do, I Can Do Better
- Cody: Whah... SIERRA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
- Sierra: Everybody loves a foot massage!
- Cody: Yeah, normally. But uh, i don't like having my feet touched.
- Sierra: Did you know there's a pressure point between the tarsal bones that could temporarily paralyze the body?
- Cody: Oh, please, that's ridi- (Sierra presses that pressure point.)
- Izzy: Awww, look at Big O! His fear of flying is so adorable! (Owen is sleeping on a couch, bundled in ropes. He then falls on the floor, revealing he was sleeping on Noah all night.)
- Noah: (relieved and tired) UHHH! FINALLY! Thanks for not noticing I was MISSING all night! Who am I, Tyler?
- Tyler: HEY! (he spits the food in his mouth at a clearly angered Alejandro.)
- Heather: Stupid economy section! What is that horrible smell?!
- Gwen: Defeat?
- Courtney: I could of pulled the sled faster if someone wasn't whipping me!
- Heather: We both know that's not true.
- Courtney: Ugh!
- Gwen: First chance we get, I'll totally help you vote her off.
- Courtney: Gladly, can we whip her off?!
- Heather: Whip me off? Ha! Not if I can prove my worth to the team. Or manipulate Sierra and Cody into slavishly obeying me. Whatever works!
Aftermath: Bridgette Over Troubled Waters
- Blaineley: Eva, can you tell us what you saw?
- Eva: Like, a whole bunch of dumb girls chasing Harold, Justin, and Trent.
- Blaineley: A-and what did these girls look like?
- Eva: Dumb, like a bunch of dumb girls in dumb plaid skirts. Like, kilts.
- Blaineley: Kilts, a school bus... could be a private girls school! Eva, what color were the kilts?
- Eva: Plaid and dumb. Aw, forget this!
Slap Slap Revolution
- Sierra: MEAT CODY, NOOO!
- Noah: Woo-woo! All aboard Der Weiner Express.
- DJ: Stay on the platform, Leshawna!
- Leshawna: I'm not going anywhere!
- Alejandro: That's it! Seize the day!
- Heather: Ugh! She's not even in your team!
- Leshawna: Ow! I'M GONNA SIEZE THE YOU! YOU HAD THIS COMING FOR 3 SEASONS!
I See London...
All current contestants except Gwen and Courtney: (gasps) Duncan?!
Duncan: You brought me back here?! (grunts) Where's the stupid exit again?
Chris: Not so fast, quitter! Thought you could skip out on the game, eh? Thought I wouldn't find you, mmm?
Gwen: Um, you didn't, we did. (Courtney nods in agreement) Sorry.
Chris: And that's why Team Amazon wins today's competish.
Team Amazon: YES!!
Noah and Owen: WHAT?!
Chris: Head on back to the elimination room, dudes. First class goes to the ladies. (Cody and Sierra smile) As a consolation prize, the D-man's now on your team, but someone else is gonna have to go.
Noah and Owen: Uh-oh!
Courtney: (to Duncan) And how could you think it was okay to just leave like that?! Because it was not! Ugh! Abandon me again, and it will not be pretty. Now, get over here, you big lug! (hugs him) I'm not really mad, I just missed you.
Duncan: (to Gwen, who just walked in) Every time I ran from the cops, I thought of you.
Chris: And with three votes against him, Noah! (in English accent) It's time to say, "Tally ho! Pip pip! Cheerio! Tootle loo-"
Noah: Ugh! If I jump, will you stop?!
Owen: Goodbye, buddy! I'll win for you!
Noah: Whatev, just beware of eels! (Alejandro smiles)
Gwen: (in confessional; sighs) I don't know how everybody else can sleep, especially Courtney. I'm still fuzzy, like I drank too much coffee, you know? (remembers she's on camera) Uh, because... we won! And Duncan is back and... he missed... us. (Duncan enters) Oh my gosh! I didn't lock the door?
Duncan: The lock's busted. What happened to your paw?
Gwen: This is so stupid, but I have no idea. And I'm so glad that you're here to mock me about it.
Duncan: (comes closer grabbing her hand) Me too.
Gwen: Ow! (smiles a bit) Hey. (Gwen and Duncan stare at each other and kiss; Tyler pops in shocked, looks at the camera, and leaves unnoticed)
Chris: Whoa! Now that's how you get some drama started. Wait until Courtney hears about this one! (Chef chuckles) Will Tyler tell all, and who's gonna fall? Find out next week on Total... Drama... World Tour!
(The teams are building boats)
- Duncan: (groaning) Why am I the only one pushing?
(Owen's stomach gurgles violently, as it cuts to him in the bathroom.)
- Owen: How long can you hold in a fart before it becomes dangerous? One time, I held it in the entire day during school, and when I farted in last hour it ripped my pants.
(cuts back to Sweden, where Owen's stomach gurgles violently again.)
- Duncan: Dude, are you about to fart?
- Owen: CAN'T... HOLD IT... ANY LONGER!
- Duncan: Oh, man, I think he's gonna blow!
(Owen slides around on the ice until falling and releasing a giant fart that melts the ice.)
- Chris: THE ICE IS MELTING! Will Owen's poor digestion finally kill us all? And will Cody finally get over Gwen? Find out after the break. EVERY HOST FOR HIMSELF!