"Weird Al" Yankovic
- Alanis Morissette and I actually used to date. I especially liked it when we went to the movies.
- AL TV, MTV, 1996; referring to the line "Is she perverted like me/would she go down on you in a theater" from Morissette's breakout hit You Oughta Know
- That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.
- I wrote "Eat It" because I wanted to buy a house. It worked.
- I Love the 80's 3D, VH1, 1985
- I have very mixed feelings about [Napster]. On one hand, I'm concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!!!!!
- What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?
- Replying to a fan criticising the poor seats a reviewer of a concert received. "Ask Al" Q&As for September 6, 2004
- I think my chances of getting into the Rock 'N' Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli's.
- Right now I'm listening to a lot of Top 40 music, because THAT'S MY JOB.
- If money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it.
- My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child.
- I'll never forget the first thing she said to me, she said: "Hey - you've got weasels on your face." Right then I knew it was true love.
If you had
to sit on your lazy butt
and watch all the TV you ever wanted
until your brain turned to mush
Would you go for it?
or just let it slip?
- Shoppin' online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
- I'm nerdy in the extreme
Whiter than sour cream
- I sued Taco Bell
'Cause I ate half a million Chalupas
And I got fat!
I sued Panasonic
They never said I shouldn't use their microwave
To dry off my cat!
- "I'll Sue Ya", Straight Outta Lynwood (2006)
- Oh, you don't wanna mess with the R-I-double-A
They'll sue you if you burn that CD-R
It doesn't matter if you're a grandma, or a seven-year-old girl
They'll treat you like the evil, hard-bitten, criminal scum you are
- Never had a date
That you couldn't inflate