I can totally do this. I mean, I took care of my cat... before he ran away. Well, "ran away" is a strong word, I think he just wanted his space. But, I see him on the street sometimes. He hisses and claws at me, but I think that's his way of saying we're tight.
I had 15 cars. I mean, that's like 5 more cars than anybody really needs. I had 7 maids. I had courtside seats to the Lakers. Even my maids had courtside seats to the Lakers. And now, look at me. Look at me! I lost everything. Except for my dignity. They can't take that away from me. And it's all because of them. Now I run around, hoping and praying that I can find other animals that can sing or dance.
I will get you, Chipmunks.
[hears chipmunk-like voices] That voice! I can't get it outta my head!
Students of West Eastman, you have just witnessed the debut of the Chipettes!
[to the Chipmunks] In your FACE!
Girls, guess who just became the #1 Chipette fan in the whole dang world? Ian Hawke! That's who!
[films the Chipettes and himself on his phone] Like what you see? Call Ian Hawke. (310) 555-5309.
Dave: Well, I guess since you answered the phone, you haven't burned down the house yet.
Alvin: Have a little faith, Dave!
Theodore: Yeah! [falls off the pot rack] Mayday! [lands on a pan, and it hits the floor]
Dave: What was that?
Simon: [whispers to Alvin] Don't stress him out.
Alvin: Uh, that was Aunt Jackie. Yeah. She's cooking us a tasty 5-course meal.
Dave: Really? Well, Can I talk to her?
Theodore: She's practicing her pole dancing.
[Alvin and Simon look confused]
Dave: Pole dancing? What happened to making dinner? Guys, what's goin' on?
Alvin: Gotta go, Dave!
Dave: Alvin, I'm not kidding!
Alvin: Get well soon!
Alvin: [hangs up just before Dave finishes] Yep! Nobody does that better than him.
(Ryan notices the Chipmunks meeting the female students)
Ryan: Somebody's gonna hafta knock those guys down to size.
Xander: That should be pretty easy. I mean, they're only 8 inches tall.
[the Chipmunks have been talking with the female students at lunch]
Ryan: Listen up, rock stars. If you talk to those girls again, you're dead. If you look at those girls again, you're dead. If you even think about those girls... Are you thinkin' about them?
Alvin: Well, I am now.
Ryan: That's it. YOU'RE DEAD!!
[he tries to catch the Chipmunks, but they escape]
Ryan: Xander, come on!
[Xander follows him]
Xander: Get back here, you dirty rats!
[Ryan and Xander have dropped Simon into the toilet]
Simon: Can't swim! Help!
Alvin: Grab on, Simon! [pulls Simon out of the toilet]
Simon: Thanks. [shakes himself off]
Alvin: Are you okay?
Simon: Well, uh, considering that you just saved me from drowning in a toilet, I'm, uh, pretty good.
Alvin: I'll be right back. [walks into the corridor]
Simon: Alvin, Alvin! We're not gonna solve anything with violence!
[they spot Theodore hanging in the locker room; Ryan and Xander try poking him]
Ryan: It's the fatty ratty.
Theodore: Cut it out!
[they poke his rear]
Ryan: This rat has serious junk in the trunk.
Xander: Yeah, little fatty.
Theodore: Stop it!
Ryan: Tickles when I poke him. [Alvin and Simon furiously attack Ryan and Xander] Mommy!
[the Chipmunks are sent to Dr. Rubin's office after their brawl against Ryan and Xander]
Dr. Rubin: You threatened to climb inside of him and build a nest.
Simon: That was out of line. I'm not even sure that's physically possible.
Dr. Rubin: I should suspend all 3 of you.
Alvin: Please do.
Dr. Rubin: Instead, I have a better idea. Due to budget cutbacks, we are in jeopardy of losing our beloved music program.
Simon: That's awful.
Dr. Rubin: I know. But there is one small ray of hope. Every year, the district sponsors a music competition, and the winner's school receives $25,000. If we win, we can save our program.
Simon: And you want us to perform?
Alvin: 'Cause I didn't think you were a fan.
Dr. Rubin: Why don't you sleep on it?
[she reaches for her jacket, revealing a tattoo of the Chipmunks on her left arm, to the Chipmunks' surprise]
Alvin: Wait a minute! What is that?! That's us!
Theodore: I look skinny.
Dr. Rubin: [shocked that they have noticed] Promise me that you won't say anything. A principal has a certain image to uphold, and if the faculty ever found out about this, I could– [laughs excitedly and bangs on her desk] I just cannot believe that you're actually sitting in my office! I have all of your C.D.'s. I even went to see you last year in Denver. That's where I got this. [her tattoo] It was my birthday. And I was like, "Ah! The Chipmunks! Ah!". So, what do you say, will you represent our school?
Alvin: Honestly, suspension still sounds pretty good to me.
Theodore: Come on, Alvin. Whattaya say? One for all, and 3 for one.
Simon: Well put, Theodore. Very well put. Count us in!