Back to School

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Back to School is a 1986 comedy film about a wealthy but uneducated father who goes to college to show solidarity with his troubled son.

Thornton Melon[edit]

  • [About Professor Turgeson] Good teacher, he really seems to care....about what I have no idea.
  • Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.
  • Don't mind Lou - he's only the second generation in his family to stand up straight.
  • The best thing about kids is making them.
  • I never get physical. I just get upset. Then he gets physical. (Lou crushes a napkin holder in one hand)
  • All right, I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a PUSSY WIMP to let MacArthur go in there and BLOW OUT THOSE COMMIE BASTARDS!

Professor Turgeson[edit]

  • Is she right? 'Cause I know that's the popular version of what went on there, and a lot of people like to believe that. I wish I could but I was there! I wasn't up here in a classroom, hoping I was right, thinking about it, I was up to my knees in rice paddies! With guns that didn't work, going up against Charlie, sluggin it out with him, while PUSSIES LIKE YOU were back here partying, putting headbands on, doing drugs, LISTENING TO THE GODDAMN BEATLE ALBUMS! Ahhhhhhh AHhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHH!!!
  • You remember that thing we had about 30 years ago, called the Korean conflict? Yeah, and how we failed to achieve victory. How come we didn't cross the 38th Parallel and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China, then take the fucking wall apart BRICK BY BRICK and NUKE THEM BACK INTO THE FUCKING STONE AGE FOREVER! Tell me why, how come, SAY IT! SAY IT!


Thornton Melon: When I used to dream about going to college, this is how I pictured it.
Jason Melon: When did you dream about going to college?
Thornton Melon: When I used to fall asleep in high school.

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