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Big Daddy

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Big Daddy is a 1999 film starring Adam Sandler as Sonny Koufax, a lazy bachelor who has never had any real responsibilities in his life, forced to foster a 5-year old kid whose birth father, Sonny's roommate, is away on a business trip.

Nature called. Look who answered. (taglines)

Sonny Koufax

[edit]
  • Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?
  • Having a kid is great...As long as his eyes are closed, and he's not moving or speaking.
  • The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel!
  • [drops a can in a supermarket] Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down 3 points. We gotta save some money.

Dialogue

[edit]
[First lines, spoken during the opening credits. Phone rings]
Sonny: ...Hello?
Lenny: Sonny? It's your dad. Were you asleep?
Sonny: Oh, hey, man, I was - I was exercising.
[Scene shows Sonny half asleep in bed on the phone]
Lenny: Bullshit. You were sleeping.
Sonny: No, I wasn't, I wasn't.
Lenny: [to someone near him] This kid won't stop lying to me. [to Sonny] You still act like you're 6!
Sonny: Oh yeah, okay, dad. I act like I'm 6.
[Cuts to Sonny on his couch with a bowl of cereal, watching cartoons]
Lenny: Any luck finding a job where you can work more than one day a week?
Sonny: Uh...I've been looking.
[Cuts to Sonny sleeping in a rowboat in a pond in Central Park]
Lenny: Looking doesn't pay the rent, kid.
Sonny: Hey, all the money I won from the cab accident is kicking ass in the stock market, so relax.
Lenny: Well, don't blow it all on worthless crap.
Sonny: I won't!
[Cuts to Sonny carrying a fancy surfboard that he apparently just bought]
Lenny: You know what you should spend it on? Your bar exam.
Sonny: You're the lawyer in the family; I ain't taking a damn bar exam. I got too much other shit going on in my life.
[Cuts to Sonny napping on his couch]
Lenny: I don't know what the hell happened to you.
Sonny: Okay.
Lenny: Anyway, how are things going with your girlfriend? What's her name? Vanessa?
Sonny: Things are going fine.
Vanessa: [wakes up suddenly] Shit. [looks at the clock] SHIT!
Sonny: I gotta - I gotta go. [hangs up the phone]
Vanessa: Damn it, you turned off the alarm clock again!
Sonny: No, no, no. I mean, yes, I did, but I thought you needed more sleep, Vanessa.
Vanessa: [rushing to the bathroom to get dressed] I knew I shouldn't have stayed here. That was a real jerk thing to do, thanks a lot!
Sonny: What are you doing? Why are you going to work, anyway? It's Sunday.
Vanessa: I'm not going to work, I'm going to brunch...with some potential clients. That's how a party planner gets business: by meeting people, making contact!
Sonny: Meet with me. Come on, I'll order in from Cozy's, we'll have fun.
Vanessa: I am sick of Cozy's! You order from there all the time, the delivery guy's, like, your best friend.
Sonny: Well, he happens to be pretty damn nice. This is a rough patch of my life right now, alright? Syracuse is 0-3, and I've got those medical problems.
Vanessa: Medical problems? [scoffs] A cab runs over your foot two years ago, you spent one night in the hospital.
Sonny: First of all, that cab was huge. And a jury decided that that one night of pain was worth $200,000, so there you go.
Vanessa: Whatever.
Sonny: What the hell's the matter with you? Why are you being so nuts to me lately?
Vanessa: Because, you refuse to move on to the next phase of your life. I, on the other hand, would like to have a family someday. But, I need someone that I can rely on, not just a playmate.
Sonny: What do you need, a father figure? "Stop pulling your sister's hair!"
Vanessa: You know what? I am going to go to Syracuse to see my mom. I'll be back on Wednesday.
Sonny: What are you talking about?
[Vanessa slides open the door to the apartment and gives Sonny an exasperated look, seeing Nazo, the Cozy's delivery guy, standing there]
Nazo: [in foreign accent] I have call for delivery in building, but I think it was crank call. Want some chocolate cake?
Sonny: It's a bad time, man. Come back later, I'll Indian Wrestle ya.
Nazo: You’re going down, sucker.
Sonny: Yeah, well, we'll see about that.
Nazo: Okay, peace out. [leaves]
Sonny: [to Vanessa] What do you mean you're going to Syracuse?
Vanessa: Because I need time to think, and so do you.
Sonny: What do I need to think about?
Vanessa: Your life! And why there's any reason for me to be a part of it.
Sonny: Alright...
Vanessa: And while you’re at it, why don't you think about getting a real job? [leaves]
Sonny: I got a real job!
[Cuts to Sonny sitting in a toll booth]
[Sonny returns home after work. He slides open the apartment door and sees a large party waiting]
Everyone: SURPRISE!!!
Corrine: Shh. Just ignore him. It's only Sonny. It's only Sonny.
Sonny: Yeah, "it's only me, it's only me". [walks over to Tommy, Phil and Mikey] What's going on?
Phil: Corrine's throwing a surprise going away party for Kevin.
Sonny: Why didn't she tell me about it? The roommate has a right to know.
Phil: Because she knew you'd tell him and ruin the surprise.
Sonny: No I wouldn't.
[Kevin walks in on the party, almost no one notices]
Man at party: Hey, surprise!
Everyone: [unexcited] Surprise. Surprise. Surprise.
Sonny: Surprise.
Kevin: [confused] What's going on?
Corrine: [walks to the front of the party and realizes the surprise didn't work; to Sonny] We wasted the good surprise on you!
Sonny: [chuckling] Alright.
[Corrine runs away to the bathroom, crying]
Kevin: [to Sonny] This your handiwork?
Sonny: I guess.
Kevin: See you in three hours.
Kevin: [trying console Corrine who has locked herself in the bathroom] Honey, it was a great surprise! I was totally shocked!
Corrine: [from inside] No you weren't! And I worked so hard on it!
Layla: [walks over; to Kevin] Need some help?
Kevin: [to Corrine] Honey, your sister’s here!
Layla: [to Corrine] Hey, sweetie.
Corrine: [from inside] I hate Sonny!
Phil: [discussing a case of his to Sonny, Mike, and Tommy] So, now my client's out $7 million, and all we can sue on is "breach of contract."
Sonny: Maybe you can try suing under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
Phil: ...I gotta get back to the office, Sonny, you're the king! Mikey, pleasure. [to Tommy] I'll see you at home.
Tommy: Alright.
[They kiss deeply. Mike is somewhat bothered, Sonny keeps a neutral face]
Phil: I'll walk you out. [leaves with Tommy, holding hands]
Mike: I gotta admit, I’m still a little weirded out when they kiss.
Sonny: Why? They're gay, that's what gay guys do.
Mike: I know, but they were like brothers to us back in school.
Sonny: They're still like our brothers, our very very gay brothers. What are you doing after this? Going to a clan meeting?
[Mikey laughs]
Tommy: [referring to Kevin and Corrine] That relationship's lasted a lot longer than I thought.
Sonny: Yeah, look at his eyes, though. He's bored out of his mind. I give it two more weeks.
Kevin: [stands up in the middle of the party to make an announcement] Hey, excuse me! Everybody! I wanted to thank you all for coming tonight. Or I guess I should say, [speaking Chinese and everyone laughs politely] I'm getting it. Uh, tomorrow I'm leaving for China to represent the fine firm of Morton & Mandel. Yes, me, the same guy who once shaved his ass to win a $5 bet.
[Everyone laughs again]
Tommy: Prove it! [everyone else laughs but Mikey gives him a look] Just kidding.
Kevin: But, uh, I am real glad you're all here tonight because I'm about to do something I never thought I'd have the guts to do...
Sonny: You're not proposing, are ya?!
[Everyone turns and looks at Sonny]
Kevin: Uh, yeah, pal, I am.
Sonny: Well, think about it...ya know?
Corrine: [annoyed] God, Sonny! Shut up!
[The room goes silent]
Kevin: [sits down with a sigh] Anyways. Will you?
Corrine: [glares at Sonny, to Kevin] Yeah. [kisses him]
[Everyone applauds]
Tommy: [sarcastically to Sonny] Good call on the two weeks, pal.
[Cut to Sonny putting on the roof. Kevin walks out]
Kevin: Hey Sonny, what was that all about?
Sonny: Hey, congratulations, you and "Big Boobs" McGee are gonna be real happy.
Kevin: Don't call her "Big Boobs" McGee.
Sonny: You want to explain to your children that you met their mother while she was waitressing at Hooters?
Kevin: Sonny, that was five years ago, she's a doctor now. And my fiancé, so from now on...Dr. "Big Boobs" McGee.
Sonny: Congratulations.
Kevin: Thanks, man.
[Kevin and Sonny sit down next to each other]
Sonny: I just got shit going on.
Kevin: What's the matter?
Sonny: Vanessa's gonna break-up with me and I don't know what to do to make her want to stay.
Kevin: Vanessa's just getting older, she wants different things, ya know? Career, stable relationship, a family. That's how they get.
Sonny: I just want things to go back to the way they used to be.
Kevin: Like when we were at Syracuse? And Vanessa worshipped you?
Sonny: Yes, that was nice.
Kevin: Nobody was hassling you to get a job, Tommy and Phil were showering separately. [Sonny chuckles and nods] Those were the days. [Sonny goes to the putting green on their rooftop] What're you doing?
Sonny: If I make this putt, Vanessa will realize she likes me the way I am.
Kevin: Oh, you're gonna putt? Remember, the roof breaks to the right.
Sonny: [makes a putt] Yes! That's what I'm talking abou- [a rat comes out of the hole] GOOD GOD!!!
Kevin: That can't be good.
[Corinne is cleaning the decorations from the party the previous night, Sonny staggers out of bed]
Sonny: [walking down the steps from his bedroom] Where's Kevin?
Corinne: Oh, he already left. I guess he forgot to say goodbye to you.
Sonny: Why are you here then?
Corinne: I'm cleaning because you're useless.
Sonny: And then what? You're gonna go to your Hooters reunion? You guys sit around and talk about whose ass hangs out of their shorts the most?
Corinne: At least I can still fit my ass into my shorts, fatty.
Sonny: [pulls a container of Chinese leftovers out of the fridge] Speaking of fatty, whose is this?
Corinne: I don't know.
Sonny: I'm eating it, then.
[Sonny, Nazo, and Julian watch TV. Sonny notices the action figure Julian has]
Sonny: What's this guy's name?
Julian: Scuba Steve.
Sonny: I like his flippers. Does he ever take them off?
Julian: No.
Sonny: How about when he goes bowling? They don't make him wear bowling shoes, let him wear the flippers?
Julian: Yes.
Sonny: Really?
Nazo: I had a doll like that one time. But, my cat, he bite its head off.
Julian: [confused] What kind of cat would do that?
Nazo: [turning confrontational] You calling me a liar?!
Sonny: Hey! Take it easy. Anyways, Monday Night Football's tonight, the Jets are playing. We're gonna go to the Blarney Stone. [to Nazo] You wannna come with us?
Nazo: I have more deliveries on the bicycle.
Sonny: Well, maybe you could finish that piece of turkey on your lip. [Nazo finds a piece of his turkey sandwich stuck to his lip and eats it; laughs] There ya go.
[Cut to Sonny and Julian at the bar watching tv. Blue Collar Man (Long Nights) by Styx is playing in the bar]
Sonny: Yeah! Let's crank up the Styx!
Mr. Hurley: No music during the game.
Sonny: It’s halftime. Relax, Mr. Hurley.
Mr. Hurley: God damn Jets.
Waitress: [walks by and notices Julian] What are you doing in here, cutie?
Julian: Watching football.
Waitress: Who do you want to win?
Julian: The god damn Jets.
Waitress: [laughs] Have fun.
Cashier: Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?
Sonny: [to Julian] Okay, what do you want?
Julian: Cheerios.
Sonny: Cheerios? They don't got Cheerios. What else?
Julian: Lasagna.
Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you? [to cashier] We'll take hotcakes and sausage-
Cashier: Sorry, sir. We stopped serving breakfast.
Sonny: [looks at the clock on the wall] What are you talking about? We're, like, 4 seconds late.
Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and 4 seconds late. We stop serving breakfast at 10:30.
Sonny: Aw, HORSESHIT!!! [Julian starts crying] No, no, no. Don't cry, I'm sorry. I wasn't cursing at you. I was cursing at the lady.
Customer: [sarcastically] Nice parenting.
Sonny: [also sarcastic] Hey, thanks. Are you my therapist? [throws the man's fries] Take a walk! [to Julian] Do you want a Happy Meal? Can I get you one of those Happy Meals? You got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal? [Julian cries louder] WILL SOMEBODY GET THE KID A HAPPY MEAL?!?!
[Later, Sonny and the still-crying Julian leave McDonald's; they meet up with the homeless man again]
Homeless Man: Hey, man, where's my Egg McMuffin?
Sonny: Breakfast is over at 10:30.
Homeless Man: Really?
Sonny: Yeah.
Homeless Man: I thought it was 11:00.
Sonny: I thought that too. [leaves]
Homeless Man: Total mind blower.
Sonny: [carrying a crying Julian] Will you just relax? Here. [sets him down] What do you want me to do? What will cheer you up? [Julian continues crying] You're gonna meet Vanessa tonight. You'll like her. [Julian is still crying] You wanna see me get hurt? Will that cheer you up? [Julian nods] All right. [runs in front of a car and hits the hood, the horn blaring. He hits the ground. Julian stops crying, wiping away his tears and begins to giggle] You think that's funny? Good. No more crying.
Car Driver: [gets out of vehicle] You okay, man?
Sonny: Next time, kill me.
[Sonny sits on his couch, preparing to watch a hockey game. Julian comes in bouncing on a hippity-hop, then keeps bouncing in front of the TV, blocking Sonny's view of it]
Sonny: How're you doing?
Julian: How're you doing?
Sonny: You like hockey?
Julian: You like hockey?
Sonny: This is a big important game.
Julian: This is a big important game.
Sonny: Cut the crap.
Julian: Cut the crap.
Sonny: I'm being serious, don't do that.
Julian: I'm being serious, don't do that.
Sonny: [very fast] How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? [Julian stops bouncing, unable to repeat him] Yeah, that's what I thought, shut up. [Julian continues bouncing] Ya hungry? You want some food?
[Julian nods]
[Julian hands Sonny a video cassette]
Sonny: What's this?
Julian: The Kangaroo Song.
Sonny: All right. Great. That's terrific. And we're gonna watch this after the game, okay?
Julian: But after my nap, I always watch The Kangaroo Song.
Sonny: It's overtime right now, and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens, like, once every 10 years.
Julian: Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song. Kangaroo Song! KANGAROO SONG!
Sonny: ALL RIIIIIIGHT!!! God! You were normal yesterday! [puts on the Kangaroo Song, but he sees in the VHS is the man in the Kangaroo costume singing children's songs; Julian jumps up and down to the Kangaroo Song] I can't take this shit. Are you serious? [Julian continues jumping to the Kangaroo song; under his breath] Douchebag kangaroo. [after jumping around frantically to the Kangaroo song, Julian suddenly stops]/ What’s the matter, you all hopped out? [Julian suddenly throws up all the junk food he has been eating all over the floor] Oh. [covering Julian’s vomit with newspaper] I don’t know how to deal with this, hopefully Vanessa will.
[Julian and Sonny are walking down the canned foods aisle at the grocery store. Julian is scratching his arm]
Sonny: What are you doing scratching so much?
Julian: I have ecza, ecza..
Sonny: Eczema? Gross!
Julian: How do I make it stop itching?
Sonny: I don't know. You...scratch it. Hey, SpaghettiOs! You like SpaghettiOs? [Julian smiles and nods] Yeah? [takes a can off the shelf and throws it on the floor] Dented cans are half price, Microsoft went down three points We gotta save some money. [takes another can off the shelf and throws it on the floor] Here, give it a shot. [gives a can to Julian who throws it on the floor] That's it, boy! Put it in there. Feels good, huh?
Corrine: [walks down the same aisle as Sonny and Julian; to Sonny, flatly] Hi, Sonny. [to Julian, more happy] Hi, Sonny's friend!
Sonny: His name's Frankenstein.
Corrine: Hi, Frankenstein! Remember me?
Julian: [pretending to be in trouble like Sonny taught him to use as a pick-up line] Help me, I'm lost. I don't know where I am.
Sonny: [laughs] You don't gotta do that anymore. [notices Corrine's crop-top] Look at that! You guys wear the same size t-shirt! That's cool.
Corrine: Mmm-hmm. So what's this I hear about you doing laundry with my sister?
Sonny: Did she say I was doing laundry with her? Because where I come from it's called doing the "hibbidy, dibbidy" [Corrine smacks him] Ow!
Julian: I got eczema. [showing her his rash on his arm]
Corrine: Oh. well then you shouldn't scratch it.
Sonny: Don't tell him what to do. He can scratch if he wants to scratch. Scratch!
Corrine: [placing a bag of frozen peas on Julian's arm] Is that better?
Julian: Thank you. [smiles and walks away]
Corrine: You're welcome.
Sonny: I didn't know you knew anything about kids. I thought you were a foot doctor.
Corrine: It's not doctor stuff, stupid, it's common sense; scratching spreads rashes.
Sonny: Oh so this is something you learned at Hooters.
[Corrine gives Sonny an unimpressed look. Julian takes a can off the shelf and throws it on the floor]
Corrine: What the hell is he doing?
Sonny: He's shopping.
Julian: Microsoft went down three points.
Corrine: [sarcastically to Sonny] That's real good. [happily to Julian] See you later, Frankenstein.
Sonny: Stay away from the frozen food section! Your boobs'll harden!
[Corrine flips Sonny off as she walks away]
[Sonny and the children are drinking Yoohoo at the school playground]
Sonny: Man, this Yoohoo is good. You know what else is good? Smoking dope. I ain't gonna rat you out. You know, puffing the cheeba, go by the see saw smoke a j. You know what I'm talking about?
Jeff: I have a belly button.
Sonny: You have a belly button? Well, we all have belly buttons. You know what? We all love Yoohoo, especially Yoohoo with a little rum.
Jared: What's rum?
Sonny: You don't know what Rum is?
Jared: Rumpelstiltskin?
Sonny: [smiles] Rumpelstiltskin. Rumpelstiltskin's a good man. So are you guys. Hey, stay clean, stay focused, stay strong. [to Julian] Frankenstein, have fun with your friends.
[Layla and Sonny are discussing Phil and Tommy's relationship while walking home from their date in Little Italy]
Layla: So two guys you were best friends with in law school fell in love with each other?
Sonny: Yeah.
Layla: Is that strange for you?
Sonny: No, I mean, nothing changed, really. They watch a different kind of porno now, but that’s it.
[Layla laughs]
[Sonny's meeting with his family and friends at Hooter's for his surprise birthday party]
Julian: Sonny, I beat you so bad at basketball yesterday.
Sonny: Well, then, I guess I better stop letting you win.
Kevin: I stopped letting him win six weeks ago, he still beat me.
Sonny: Well, that's because you suck.
Kevin: Oh, yeah, that's it.
Sonny: Hey, Corinne. Put on a tank-top for old times' sake, huh? C'mon!
[Corinne gives Sonny a look]
Julian: What's he talking about, Mommy?
Corinne: [smiles knowingly to Sonny] NOTHING....
[Everyone laughs]
Sonny: [to a passing Hooters waitress] Hey, can we get some curly fries? [the waitress turns to Sonny, showing it's...] Vanessa?
Vanessa: ...Hi, Sonny.
Sonny: You're a Hooters girl? What happened to Sid's five-year-plan? [Vanessa glances over to the kitchen. He looks at sees Sid working there. He waves to them] Hey. Maybe it's a ten-year-plan.
Julian: Is that the guy with the old balls?
Sonny: [laughs] Yeah, I guess it is. [Vanessa gives an angry look and walks away] Oh, come on, I bet they're nice. Awww... [to Julian] Next time, don't say "balls". "Testicles", alright?

Taglines

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  • Nature called. Look who answered.
  • Once you adopt a kid, you've got to keep him.

Cast

[edit]
[edit]
Wikipedia
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