Broad City/Season 5

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Broad City is an American television sitcom, created by and starring Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson that aired on Comedy Central (2014-2019).

"Artsy Fartsy" [5.05]

Lincoln Rice: [At a restaurant] Communication is dope. On the long-term front, I would like to bring up an issue with the state of Maryland.

Ilana Wexler: Mm-hmm.

Lincoln Rice: I think I'd like to move there.

Ilana Wexler: You just want to up and move to middle-of-nowhere Maryland?

Lincoln Rice: Well, I'm from there, so my whole family would be there. My brother's a dentist, also, and we've always wanted to start our own practice, "The Tooth Factory." And there's lots of great schools there.

Ilana Wexler: Schools? So, w- w- what, like, cars drive around them slower, and it's safer to walk?

Lincoln Rice: No. Schools are... for the children that I father to attend.

Ilana Wexler: Are we... Are we still discussing this year? I don't really remember reviewing this for my notes.

Lincoln Rice: Well, I guess while looking at this year's points, I looked ahead at next year and the year after that.

Ilana Wexler: Is this about the rom-coms? 'Cause I'll watch one every weekend, you know? And I'll just rip a bong and laugh really sincerely, and I'll learn to love them.

Lincoln Rice: No, it's just that, I want to buy a house. I've been looking on Zillow. Houses aren't even that expensive in Maryland. And I want to have kids, and I want to get married.

Ilana Wexler: Lincoln, I'm only 27. What am I, a child bride? You know, I don't know that I never want it. I just definitely don't want it right now. I could commit to a kid when I'm like... 43. Lincoln, I just figured out that I want to go back to school and focus on my wizness. I'm on a New York City timeline.

Lincoln Rice: Do you ever think you'd change your mind?

Ilana Wexler: At this point, I can't move on this.

External links

• Broad City/Season 5 quotes at the Internet Movie Database