Caddyshack II is a 1988 American sports comedy film about a crass new-money tycoon whose membership application is turned down at a snooty country club who retaliates by buying the club and turning it into a tacky amusement park. The film is a sequel to the 1980 film Caddyshack.
- [to one of his workers] Take chances. I'm insured.
- Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chipendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?
- [on the phone, after Chandler Young has gotten Hartounian Construction's power turned off] That's hard to say, huh? Well, when can we get the power turned back on? That's hard to say, huh? Well, tell me something. Is it as hard to say as "Oh, my god! Somebody help me! There's a man in my office with a flamethrower"?
- Golf, golf... what kinda name is "golf" anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat.
- You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things.
- We're talking mucho dinero, and probably some American money too.
- I won't be a caddy all my life, I'm going to carwash school in the fall.
- Chandler Young: I'm Chandler Young.
- Jack Hartounian: Oh, I'm afraid I'm at a disadvantage; I only have one last name.
- Chandler Young: And quite an interesting last name it is.
- Jack Hartounian: Hartounian!
- Chandler Young: What is your background?
- Jack Hartounian: My father was Armenian. My other was half Jewish, half English, half Spanish.
- Chandler Young: That's three halves.
- Jack Hartounian: Oh, she was a big woman.
- Chandler Young: Your target's name is Jack Hartounian. I want him to be discouraged from erecting any more structures on Bushwood estates.
- Capt. Tom Everett: Discouraged? As in "extreme prejudice"?
- Chandler Young: We already tried extreme prejudice. It didn't work.
- Capt. Tom Everett: No, I mean do you want him... [Everett pulls out a gun] ...terminated?
- Chandler Young: The less I know about that, the better.
- Capt. Tom Everett: Good! Good, that's my policy exactly. You see, that way, when we're captured, and they attach the twelve-volt car batteries to our testicles... which can, does, and... has happened... [Everett winces as electricity is heard] ...then we can honestly say we had nothing to do with it.
- Capt. Tom Everett: In future conversations, you will refer to me as... uh, Mr. Sanderson and I will refer to you as... uh, Mrs. Esterhouse.
- Chandler Young: Captain Everett...
- Capt. Tom Everett: Goodbye, Mrs. Esterhouse.
- Cynthia Young: [about Jack] The man tried to kill me.
- Chandler Young: I'm sure he had his reasons.
- Miffy Young: Kate, I've decided that you must join my sorority, and I know that the Kappas are just gonna love you. There's only one thing: would you consider of changing your name? I was think thinking about taking out the "ounian" and shortening it to Kate Hart. Isn't that great?
- Kate Hartounian: Whoa, wait a second. What is wrong with my real name?
- Miffy Young: Nothing. It's just that it sounds so...
- Kate Hartounian: [sternly] So what?
- Miffy Young: Kate, you want people to think that you belong.
- Kate Hartounian: I do belong - to a family.
- Miffy Young: Well, if you want my honest opinion, Kate: I think that your family's real embarrassing, and I'm very happy that I'm not a part of it.
- Kate Hartounian: Yeah, so am I.
- [Kate roughly grabs Miffy]
- Miffy Young: What?
- [Kate throws Miffy on the ground as Miffy gets angry]
- Kate Hartounian: Miffy, you are a stupid, superficial, snotty, little bitch.
- [Kate leaves]
- Miffy Young: [furiously] Oh, really? Really, Kate? Whatever! Whatev...
- [Miffy gets hit from a branch and falls down the hill]
- Capt. Tom Everett: If I pull the arrow out, will you p-please s-suck out the poison?
- Ty Webb: Let me get this straight. You pull it out, I suck. Is there any money in it for me?
- Chandler Young: Interesting club. what would you call that?
- Jack Hartounian: Twelve gauge.
- Cynthia Young: I want to go home.
- Chandler Young: Now now, Cynthia. The last thing we want to do is let him think he's winning.
- Cynthia Young: But he IS winning!
- [the Youngs lost the golf game after the gopher switched the bomb ball]
- Miffy Young: [angry about her father] Mother, how could you marry a man with such a terrible short game?
- Cynthia Young: Oh, shut up, Mary Frances, you spoiled, snotty, superficial, little bitch!
- [Cynthia leaves]
- Miffy Young: [offended] What?!
- The shack is back!
- Home of the rich and tasteless.
- Jackie Mason - Jack Hartounian
- Robert Stack - Chandler Young
- Randy Quaid - Peter Blunt
- Dan Aykroyd - Captain Tom Everett
- Chevy Chase - Ty Webb
- Jessica Lundy - Kate Hartounian
- Dyan Cannon - Elizabeth Pearce
- Jonathan Silverman - Harry
- Dina Merrill - Cynthia Young
- Marsha Warfield - Royette Tyler
- Brian McNamara - Todd Young
- Chynna Phillips - Mary Frances 'Miffy' Young
- Paul Bartel - Mr. Jamison
- Anthony Mockus Sr. - Mr. Pierpont
- Bibi Osterwald - Mrs. Pierpont
- Frank Welker (voice) - the Gopher