Cartoon Planet

Cartoon Planet is an American animated variety show that originally ran from 1995 to 1998 and 2012 to 2014 on Cartoon Network. A spin-off of Space Ghost Coast to Coast, the series centered on Space Ghost recruiting his imprisoned evil nemesis Zorak and his loud and dimwitted archenemy Brak to assist him in hosting a variety show.

Episodes

Planet of Doom

Brak: Welcome to Cartoon Planet, ev'rybuddy! My name is Brak. I am the star of the show. I know it. You know it. I know it. You know it. I know it. You know it.

Ghost: HEY!

Brak: WHAT?

Ghost: Here's the deal. Brak. I'm the boss. You're nothing. Get it?

Brak: [sassing] Big deal. But of nothing.

Ghost: What?!

Brak: Never mind!

Monkey Trouble

Space Ghost: Sliced or cubed...

Zorak: Solid or spreadable...

Space Ghost: Cheese is good for you!

Zorak: Cheese is edible!

Love That Brak

Brak: One time I had this teacher who didn't like me so I wrote a note with little hearts and flowers on it and it said "Even though you think I'm stupid, I still love you." But that didn't help, so I made a statue of the teacher outta cheese, with a ribbon around it, and I said "This is for you. Can I get extra credit?" But she just, y'know, kinda just shook her head "no". [sigh] I guess there's just no pleasin' some people. The end.

My Space Ghost the Car

Brak: Hello, everybody! Today on Cooking with Brak we'll be preparing Hot Dog tortellini, or as I like to call it, tortel-weenie! To prepare tortel-weenie you'll need sixteen sacks of unbleached flour, three dozen eggs, five pounds of butter, three hundred cocktail weenies, ten quarts of pickle relish, a bag o' snails, and a stomach pump. Now let's get started, shall we?

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Space Ghost: Zorak, you are in my power! You are in my power! You are in my complete control. You cannot resist me! You will do everything I say.

The Night the Lights Went Out on Cartoon Planet

Brak: Then the telephone rang again and the operator said 'the last call came from your house!' Oh dun-dun-dun-dun, and I said 'Somebody's in the house, oh no!' Dun-dun-dun, and the operator said 'Oh I'm sorry I was looking at your number. The last call actually came from the old crazy house down the road', and I said 'oh that's just crazy John' and I wondered what he wanted, dun-dun-dun.

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Zorak: Attention Libra: I'm sorry to report that in the next few months you'll notice a large growth on your neck--it's your head! Mwu-ha-ha! So don't pick at it, it will just get worse. Mwu-ha-ha! Does your head hurt--cause it's killing me! I love this job.

Momma!

Brak: I remember when this one time, I was at school, and I accidentally went into the girls bathroom, and this girl yelled, "Hey! What are you doing in here?" and I said "Well, what are you doing in here?" and she said "This is the girls bathroom mister tiki head, and what I'm doing in here is none of your business." So I said "Oops, sorry." Then I ran out of the girls bathroom into the boys bathroom, and this guy said "Hey! What are you doing in here?" and I said "Oh no, wrong again."

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Zorak: Why do fools fall in love? BRAK!

Brak: Because they are hungry?

Zorak: WRONG!

Brak: Because they like baseball?

Zorak: WRONG!

Brak: My toe?

Zorak: WRONG! Space Ghost...WRONG! Moltar. Oh, wrong show. Brak.

Brak: You're my friend.

Zorak: WRONG!

Where's the Beach?

Space Ghost: Growing in the garden...

Zorak: Like a bomb about to blow...

Space Ghost: The onion is a vegetable...

Zorak: Onions make me go!

Space Ghost: Try them on a chili dog...

Zorak: Fry them with bananas...

Space Ghost: Eat them in your bed at night...

Zorak: Wearing your pajamas!

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Zorak: Today is pisces. Learn to live life to the fullest. Start with a big breakfast. But, hey, nobody lives forever, stop with the fiber already! Oh, and I see good financial news in your future - in about thirty or forty years!

Deadly Blasts of Hot Air

Space Ghost: [to Zorak] I don't want to hear another peep out of you unless it's uplifting and positive for the youth of America!

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Zorak: Hey, Space Ghost, do you like your job?

Space Ghost: Why do you wanna know?

Zorak: I was just asking.

Space Ghost: Why, what have you heard?

Zorak: I haven't heard anything. It was a completely innocent question.

Space Ghost: Nothing about you is completely innocent. They've been talking about me, haven't they? They've been talking about replacing me, haven't they?

Zorak: Oh, fer crying out loud!

Space Ghost: It's Birdman, isn't it?

Zorak: You are so paranoid!

Space Ghost: You'd be paranoid, too, if you knew that everyone was out to get you!

Zorak: I was just trying to make conversation...