Cats & Dogs

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Cats & Dogs is a 2001 film directed by Lawrence Guterman about the ancient relationship between cats and dogs. It has a 2010 sequel Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore.


Lou: I was just thinking - if I'm gonna to be a secret agent, I should have a better name. I was thinking, "Toto Annihilation."
Peek: Nah, he's a pro-wrestler. Sorry, that name's taken.
Lou: All right, then. "Doom Machine" it is.
Butch: Hey! You can call yourself "Squicky the Space-Dog" for all I care. [Sam and Peak snicker] But that don't make your behind a rocket pack. You are not an agent, but you are gonna help us.

Ninja Cat Leader: On my mark! 3! 2! 1!
Ninja Cat Team and Leader: BANZAI!
[The Ninjas drop from the planes and deploy their parachutes after several seconds of freefall]

Mr. Tinkles: [after Sophie leaves; angrily] Evil does not wear a BONNET!!
Calico: [emerging from trash bin] Comin' out, is she gone?
Mr. Tinkles: [shakes his head] Urgh! Did Genghis Khan ever wear a bonnet? No. Attila the Hun? I don't think so. But he did wear a furry hat. Maybe a black bonnet? Uh, yes? Huh? No? Okay. Ahem. [lifts top of serving plate] The ninjas failed, and failure is unacceptable! [drops top of serving plate] If they ever show their faces again, [examines a roll] you know what to do.
Calico: Yes. Tell them to wash with a loofah sponge. Kidding. Hello? Joke?
Mr. Tinkles: [annoyed] This can't be happening. [angrily] I want them ELIMINATED! [slams his fist on the end table]
Calico: Bu-but they, they did manage to bug the phone. You know, maybe we can look at the glass as half-full. [Mr. Tinkles growls and throws the roll at Calico] Ow! Th-that's what I like to do.
Mr. Tinkles: Huh, putting a happy face on things, I see. What an interesting philosophy. At what point did you forget that WE'RE TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD?! [thunder claps loudly] The clock is ticking, and our margin for error is slight! Tomorrow, you will send in...the Russian.

Mr. Brody: [on tape] Hi. Uh, doctor, the cure for dog allergies? Success, done!
Doctor: [sneezes] Fantastic. Send it to me tomorrow, and I'll have our guys verify it.
Mr. Brody: I will. I'll send it, [Doctor sneezes] first thing in the morning. God bless you.
Mr. Tinkles: [stops the tape] This is unacceptable! If we do not act immediately, that work will be out of my reach forever! You know what that means?
Calico: [confused] Huh? What? Oh. Who, me?
Mr. Tinkles: [annoyed] Were you not paying attention?
Calico: Not really. Are you mad?
Mr. Tinkles: YES! I AM MAD!
Calico: [ducks from Mr. Tinkles' paw] Whoa!
Mr. Tinkles You little bug of an imbecile!

Mr. Tinkles: As for you, Brody herd, I have a very, very, special...[Reaches into a box on the desk, and pulls out cork gun] gift! [angrily] WHAT?!
Scott: Whoa!
Mr. Tinkles: I thought I told you to buy a real gun!
Calico: Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
Mr. Tinkles: Ohh! What possible use could I have for this?! [Throws the cork gun, firing the cork, breaking things and setting the room on fire] Hey. I'm so clever. [Starts to leave] You know this is? Yeah, this is just plain fun, yeah. [to Calico] I want you to stay here.
Calico: Why?
Mr. Tinkles: Because I hate you. [Closes the door, leaving Calico locked inside]
Calico: [Begins pawing desperately at the door] No! NO! NOOO! HELP! NO! LET ME OUT!

Sam: Sir, request permission to pant heavily, sir!
Butch: Granted.

Lou: Hey, you stupid cat!
Peek: That'll get his attention.

Peek: The book says cut the red wire.
Butch: We're dogs. We're color blind!

Scotty: Loser.
Lou: Cat person.

Butch: Hold on a second, kid.
Lou: No!
Butch: Hold it!
Lou: Hey, they can't do this! You should've fought for me! For my family!
Butch: Why? What good would it do?
Lou: What about "Man's Best Friend"? History 101, remember?
Butch: Okay, well, here's lesson number 2: We protect them. We work for them. We tolerate their stupid "boochy-boochy" baby-talk crap. AND FOR WHAT?! So when they go off to college, they dump you with some old lady who can't throw a ball without so much as BREAKING HER HIP! [He starts walking away]
Lou: Is that what happened to you? [Butch stops] You gonna blame my family for what some boy did to you?
Butch: [looks at Lou, shocked; walks to the fence-door] Look, kid, I'm sorry it played out like this, but it's over. We're shut down. [fence-door closes]

Ivy: Hey, Butch, I heard what happened. How's Lou?
Butch: I told him not to get attached to the boy.
Ivy: Sure. An agent keeps his mind on the mission and nothing else. That's why my family didn't love me, Butch.
Butch: We all have our sob stories. Now, he has his.



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