Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by Jeff Kinney. The film mainly stars Zachary Gordon and Robert Capron. Also starring in the film are Rachael Harris, Steve Zahn, Devon Bostick, and Chloë Moretz. The film was released by 20th Century Fox on March 19, 2010.
- Directed by Thor Freudenthal. Written by Jackie Filgo, Jeff Filgo, Gabe Sachs, Jeff Judah and Jeff Kinney.
- Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
- Thank God there are a few normal people or this place would be a total freak show.
- [after getting teased by Quentin] Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
- She's a girl! Where do I grab her?
- [in robotic voice] My name is Bell E. Button. What's yours?
- So, wanna play Twisted Wizard?
- [repeated line] Zoo-wee-mama!
- Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!
- [Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese] STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
- The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. [Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy] Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. [Darren puts his finger on the Cheese] Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. [Darren cries in the hallway] The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. [Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch] And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away. Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation. Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. [Flash forward to the present] And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
- This is a terrible place!
- I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
- Wanna have a tickle fight?
- [grunts] Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
- Who let you into the school, Greg Heffley?
- Can I wrestle with somebody Good Now?
- It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
- You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
- You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.
- So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... [sighs] Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. [patting Greg's head] And don't be seen with Rowley.
- What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?
- It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!
- [to Rowley] Beat it.
- What? [Greg run offs. Rowley holds onto to Rodrick's leg to stop him] Let go, baby hippo!
- Greg Heffley: OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a journal, not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says "diary" on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
- Bully: Sissy! [punches Greg]
- Greg: The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
- Reporter #1: Gregory! Tell us about your childhood!
- Reporter #2: Were you always so smart and handsome?
- Greg: Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.
- Susan Heffley: That's our boy up there.
- Frank Heffley: Why did I ever say no to him?
- Greg: Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from 1 to 200, where would you put yourself?
- Rowley Jefferson: Is 200 good or bad?
- Greg: I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
- Rowley: Well, who's at the bottom?
- Fregley: Hey, guys! You wanna see my secret freckle? [lifts up his shirt]
- Greg & Rowley: EEEWWW!
- Greg: [narrating] Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
- Fregley: Check it out. It's got a hair in it!
- Angie Steadman: It all starts in middle school, y'know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling's stopped. Kids aren't separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.
- Greg: Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out, so go back to your book.
- Chirag Gupta: STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch!
- Greg: The what?
- Chirag: The Cheese Touch.
- Angie: Y'know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so I guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.
- Greg: We got to stay in this neighborhood the rest of the night.
- Rowley: That guy gave two full-size Snickers!
- Greg: Did I tell you or did I tell you? These people have money to burn. Can't believe we got this much candy. This is like the best day ever.
- Teenager: Hey, reflector dude, nice costume!
- Rowley: Thanks! My mom made it...
- [Suddenly, the teenager in the back of the truck sprays a fire extinguister in Greg and Rowley's face]
- Greg: I saw your plates! We're calling the cops! [Teenagers' truck stops and starts to back up] Uh-oh.
- Rowley: Oh, boy.
- Greg: RUN!
- Rowley: Remember that secret language we made up last week?
- Greg: [to Rowley, through walkie-talkie] Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. [Greg and Rowley laugh, as Rowley's dad glares at them appalled]
- Rowley: I think he cracked our code.
- Greg: Fun?! That's the exact opposite of fun! This entire year has been terrible and nobody even cares! My family, my best friend. Well, I'm sick of it. Somebody needs to pay!
- [Heffley garage, Rodrick and his bandmates are performing]
- Susan: [walks in] Rodrick. Rodrick! I need to talk to you. Inside, now.
- [Greg peeks from behind the door as he watches]
- Rodrick: Go ahead and talk. We're a band. We have no secrets.
- Susan: Oh, okay. Fine. [holds up the magazine] What is this?
- Rodrick: It's not mine.
- Susan: It was in your backpack.
- Rodrick: No, it was in my room.
- Susan: [gives Rodrick a "Really?" look] Does owning this magazine make you a better person?
- Rodrick: No.
- Susan: Did it make you more popular at school?
- Rodrick: [snickers] Yes. No.
- Susan: How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine?
- Rodrick: Ashamed.
- Susan: Do you have anything you wanna say to women for having owned this offensive magazine?
- Rodrick: I'm sorry, women.
- [Rodrick's bandmates clap in applause]
- Susan: You're grounded...for two weeks.
- [Greg smiles and leaves to his room]
- Rodrick: Okay, settle down, Susan. I think one week is plenty.
- Susan: Make it four weeks, and I'm gonna need the keys to your van.
- Rodrick: [shocked through gritted teeth] My van?!
- I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
- How to be
- Wimp is in!
- It's not a diary, it's a movie!
- It's not a movie, it's a survival guide.
- Zachary Gordon as Greg Heffley
- Robert Capron – Rowley Jefferson
- Devon Bostick – Rodrick Heffley
- Rachel Harris – Susan Heffley
- Steve Zahn – Frank Heffley
- Chloë Grace Moretz – Angie Steadman
- Karan Brar – Chirag Gupta
- Grayson Russel – Fregley
- Laine MacNeil – Patty Farrell
- Connor Fielding and Owen Fielding – Manny Heffley
- Alex Ferris as Collin Lee
- Andrew McNee – Coach Malone
- Rob LaBelle – Mr. Winsky
- Alf Humphreys – Mr. Jefferson
- Belita Moreno – Mrs. Norton
- Harrison Houde – Darren Walsh
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul