Doctor Steel

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It's experiment time!

Doctor Steel (full name, Doctor Phineas Waldolf Steel) was a self-published American musician and internet personality located in Southern California, prominent in the Dieselpunk, Steampunk, Goth, and Rivethead scenes. He performed on rare occasions with a "backup band", claiming that a fictitious robot band had malfunctioned. Shows incorporated puppetry, multimedia and performances by female members ("Nurses" and "Scouts") of his fan club, The Army of Toy Soldiers. Steel was also a transhumanist and conspiracy theorist who produced several videos on those themes.



Dr. Steel's Manifesto[edit]

  • Hello, my name is Dr. Phineas Waldolf Steel and I'm crazy. At least that's what they tell me. It's a real load off of my mind too. I mean you can get away with pretty much anything if you're bonkers. It really relieves a lot of pressure and responsibility for me.
  • [Society's] Reality Engineers guide our perspective of the world through corporate media, mass-produced genetically engineered food keeps us operating on empty and experimental drugs, being introduced into society through various means, keep our brain patterns at a minimum. It's no wonder that we're a tired, unhappy, unhealthy lot who's daily highlight amounts to playing video games and watching television.
But now is the time to wake up.
  • Join me in my quest to build a better world. It is only as a collective with a singular, focused vision that we will be able to reject the ugliness of this reality and transform the world into a Utopian Playland.

Building a Utopian Playland[edit]

  • We live in a world full of despair. A world full of war, hunger, and fear. It is a very unhappy place indeed. I envision a world where the top priority of its people... is to have fun. But we spend our lives in office buildings. Behind cash registers. Stuck in traffic jams. All the while wishing we were somewhere else, doing something else.
  • As children, there was nothing we wanted more than toys to play with. And nothing has changed. Except... what the definition of a "toy" is. In fact, in the the Dr. Steel New World Dictionary, the new definition of a toy shall be "toy: noun. An object that makes you happy." Because that's all that it is. And that's all that really matters.
  • Now... who wants to see the dancing monkey?!
  • We are a people manipulated through fear. And though that is a tried and true method of control, it also generates feelings of hate, violence, and leaves us with feelings of despair, with no constructive focus in life. The time has come for a change. The time has come to make this world a better place.
  • You see, this is not some product, some manufactured brand. No, this is a movement, to which my Toy Soldiers will attest.
  • The Army will grow until it cannot be ignored. The people are hungry for change, and they will have it.
  • Music is interesting. It's literally a language, and it is a powerful unifying force. It's a medium that speaks to many, many people, and it creates culture.
  • What I have found, is that if one aims to influence the world, to change the world, one must do so through entertainment. The media of today is the loudest voice, and it is the most influential. People are tired of bad news, They want entertainment. You entertain someone, and you have their attention.
  • The world doesn't need a manager, or a boss, or a policeman. These aren't the heroes of today. The heroes of today are those who are doing what they want to be doing, having a good time, and introducing the one thing that every man, woman and child hungers for on a daily basis: happiness.
  • With continued support, and the vision of making fun the top priority, we shall transform this world into a Utopian Playland! We must band together and resist the forces that keep us afraid, tired and bored out of our minds. It is only as a collective with a singular, focused mission that we shall overcome!

Doctor Steel's address to the Toy Soldiers[edit]

- at the creation of Toy Soldiers Unite, his fan club's official website.

  • We are growing in numbers. Across land and sea the Army of Toy Soldiers is truly grand. We are expanding exponentially. What exactly does this mean? It means that a desire for us to gather. That there is something missing from this world, and the Toy Soldiers are those who have found what is missing, within this movement.
  • In the past, armies were created for bloodshed. Armies were trained to destroy. Armies were built to be expendable for a cause. In the past, armies meant war.
The time has come for a change.
  • In my vision, I aim not to repeat the mistakes of the past, but to forge a new path. To repeat the mistakes of the past is to cease to evolve.
  • This army prepares not for destruction, but for creation. This army trains not with weapons, but with imagination. We are engaged not in a war of fear but in a war against fear. And together, we can fan the burning flames of passion, talent, vision and creativity in a cold world.
  • The Army of the Toy Soldiers is meant to embrace, with encouragement and fun, the positive aspects of this sad human species, for without creativity, we are a useless animal indeed.

"Sharpen Our Wits" speech[edit]

  • My Toy Soldiers, we stand here united on this memorable day, in a city where dreams are shattered, in a country where freedom is an illusion, and on a planet where we should not have been placed. We spend our lives afraid, lied to, and too tired to do anything about it. Yet our power is great! Our abilities full of potential! Our vision is our weapon against a blind world! Let us sharpen our wits like swords ready for battle! Let us imagine a brighter future, to blind those who keep us in the dark! Let us reject the ugliness of this world! Let us build... a Utopian Playland!

Video Interviews[edit]

"Reality Engineering"[edit]

  • I am... crazy. It's official. There's paperwork on it: there's graphs and everything, so it must be true. And let me tell you, it's a real load off of my mind. I mean, it relieves a lot of responsibility for me!
  • With a vision - a focused vision, a unified vision - we can reform this world into a better place!


  • I am convinced that the human race is simply an evolutionary stepping stone towards electronic life. I truly believe that machines will inherit the earth.
  • We continually manufacture and develop new technology, without first asking the question, "Should we do this?"


  • People ask me how I can create so much with so little. It is because of Vision. Which may seem a bit ironic, coming from a person who wears dark glasses all the time. A visionary, who's eyes you never see? Ah, but there is a reason that I wear the glasses of a blind man. For I have shut my eyes to the ugly sight of what the world has imposed upon me, and have opened them to the world that I can create. I see a world where the top priority of its people is to have fun, to work for happiness.
  • No, I refuse to accept the ugliness of this world. In the world I see, my eyes are clear, and they see nothing but beauty.
And robots. Beauty, and robots.

Behind the Goggles: The Unauthorized Biography of Dr. Steel[edit]

  • The world is in the process of becoming a Utopian Playland with each and every Toy Soldier who places imagination and creativity at the forefront of their minds. Taking over the world is as much an internal conquest as an external one and through the unified field we see a change in global consciousness. A world "make over" is already occurring.

The Doctor Steel Show[edit]

Episode One[edit]

  • Hey kids! Welcome to The Doctor Steel Show! I do so appreciate you joining me here today, and before we begin I would like to introduce you to this fantastic product from World Domination Toys, let's take a look!
  • Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
  • Damn thee, spam! DAMN THEE!
  • And remember: Only you can help me take over the world!

Episode Two[edit]

  • It's experiment time!!
  • Ooh! Cupcakes are ready!
  • Yummy, yummy, yummy! Though, these may be a little overdone.
  • God you're weird. (In response to experimental hamster eating a cupcake)
  • That is absolutely disgusting. (After taking a bite out of a cupcake)

"Public Service Announcements"[edit]


  • Insanity! Oh, how nice it is to be completely out of my mind!
  • But I'm crazy. Crazy! Bonkers! Out of my mind! I can do whatever i want. Living in my own little world. You're invited.

"The Singularity"[edit]

  • People seem to be allergic to just about everything. (Achoo!) And we have to sleep. That takes up far too much of my time. And we have to eat, and poop. (Disgusting!) Humanity: The pinnacle of evolution? NO! A work in progress! We're still in the prototype phase. We're still working out all the bugs.
  • I want to be upgraded!
  • It is only when we are completely connected that we shall surpass our primitive default programming.
  • What, you didn't back up your brain? Well that's just plain foolishness!

"Alien Illuminati"[edit]

  • What if aliens landed here a long time ago when we were still hominids, and they cooked "humans" up in a lab? (Just bear with me...) They took an alien wiggly, and a monkey lady eggy wegg, and POW! Insta-WorkerTM!
  • Of course, I'm just talking crazy...

"Reality Engineering"[edit]

  • The television tells us what is real. Radio, newspapers, billboards... Reality is being manufactured. And it's available at a very affordable price!
  • Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
  • Oh, I'm mad. Very mad. Very, very mad.

"Multimedia Symbiosis and the Evolution of Electronic Life"[edit]

- From Paranoia: The Conspiracy Reader, Spring 2005

  • The thing about technology is once a new form is created, a need to develop a product around that technology quickly manifests. This generally falls into the category of entertainment because what good is the advancement of technology if it can't make life a little more fun and a whole lot easier? Take cell phones for example. These little bastards seem to come in cereal boxes these days. Are they handing them out at grade schools along with pencils and nametags*?
    • Note to self: Cross promote school supplies and cell phone distribution.
  • These cell phones have outgrown their original use and evolved into multi-headed technological beasts. They're digital cameras, MP3 players, notepads, game units...hell, in Japan they're already using them as personal identification modules which allow you to use your phone as a "credit card". Yes, you can buy a Coke with your cell phone (and be tracked by the government).
  • This is what I refer to as multi-media symbiosis; a technological evolution taking place within the marketplace where all media will eventually converge into one. At that time, any media property that isn't designed specifically to fit this entertainment octopus will lay dead in the water.
  • As more technology is developed to work for us, we ironically become more and more dependent on its functionality putting us in the submissive position.
  • This is the part of the story where Neo wakes up and helps destroy the machines for the good of humanity, right? Wrong.
There will be no great robot war. No Terminator style battle of the machines against humanity. Humanity will go willingly. The machines are making our lives easier. It is, in fact, mankind's laziness that will be the catalyst to a new era devoid of man.


  • It all comes down to having fun. We spend our lives trapped, when all we really want to do is play. So, let the people play! Let us build a Utopian Playland!
    • From the now defunct's "About Dr. Steel" section
  • Knowledge is power... and power is hilarious.
    • From a parody of an American Library Association "READ" poster

Online interviews[edit]

Global Entertainment Magazine[edit]

- Undated interview, probably from 2010

  • We are a species with great potential, yet we are confined by fear. Some of this fear is the result of our human programming and the rest is manufactured by The System in an effort to keep us under control. The human being is a creative being, but its creativity is stifled by fear. My vision is to unlock this creativity in mankind. To encourage the sincere passion of the individual and build a support system to bring out the phenomenal talents which each of us holds. To this end, mankind must evolve past the primal, fear drenched program while also becoming aware of the manufactured reality around us. To live in a world driven by innovation, creativity, talent and vision is my goal for the future.
  • Much of the entertainment industry is now being run by people who have no passion in entertaining people. That is, they aren’t interested in presenting the imaginative ideas that made the entertainment industry appealing. The people who run these corporations are people who are interested in money. They would be doctors or lawyers if there was more money to be made in these areas, but instead they run film studios and entertainment franchises. It has nothing to do with creativity, it has to do with profit margins. In tandem with this, The System has been able to utilize the entertainment industry as a drug to keep the increasing pressures it applies on its citizens, somewhat tolerable. Entertainment is now a distraction rather than a showcase of creative passion. To this end, the bar of quality has been continually lowered as we are fed a stream of uninspired, recycled garbage. All the while, social pressures are intensified, freedoms are taken away and choices made for us. The uneducated begin to demand less quality in larger quantities in order to tolerate these increasing injustice. This is precisely what The System has been working towards for a long time and it’s doing a very good job.
  • There is a great desire for change, and we see this desire reflected when we encounter sincere inspiration. I believe that mankind’s purpose, or rather the very essence of life’s purpose, is to create and to reach beyond our assumed limitations. To settle for the lowest common denominator is to surrender life itself. The System wants us to surrender, for this serves their agenda for control over the masses. We must showcase our own passions and cease to tolerate mediocrity. We must explode with life.

Suicide Girls[edit]

- (February 8, 2006)

  • Having fun: The problem is that many of us find ourselves spending the majority of our time doing things we dislike. The bottom line is that other than having a good time here on this spinning rock in outer space, there isn't much of a point to it all. Not to mention the fact that it's pretty obvious that the ship is going down rather quickly. One can either spend their time screaming or laughing.
  • Generally the term "world domination" has a certain negative connotation to it. That's simply because those who have attempt it in the past have gone about it in the wrong way. Sure, they might have had some snazzy outfits but the bottom line is that their intentions have been far from noble and based in insecurity. War, destruction, genocide, mini-malls.
These things hurt people. Why control people using fear when you can unify them with fun?

Broken Dollz[edit]

- May 19, 2006

  • (On Brainwashing) Ah, yes. Brainwashing rays would be smashing. However, there is something else called The Hundredth Monkey Theory that hints at the idea that because there is a collective consciousness, something happens to our consciousness as a whole once a large amount of individuals have accepted and believe a certain piece of information. This gives me hope because once there is a large amount of people practicing this ability, programming reality and working towards making this world a better place … then such a mind-set seeps by osmosis into the minds of those who are wearing the blinders. Not to mention the fact that those who wear the blinders are generally very hungry to be led.
  • Sex. Sex and sexuality. Well, that certainly is the one thing on everyone's minds isn't it? Not because we're perverted freaks but because that is simply how we're programmed. I mean, when we start talking about the meaning of life and what it's all about,'s all about reproduction and the incredible urge to reproduce. Experiments done in the 1940's have proven that if given a starving man the choice between food and sex, he would choose sex. Is it because he's a horny bastard? No. It's because life is a bunch of protoplasm with the urge to reproduce. End of story. Over-riding one's self preservation is the priority to reproduce because that's the most efficient way to keep the viral species moving along. That's what we're designed to do. Make more and more humans, even though that's the last thing this planet needs.
  • Sure, we clever humans find ways of acting out the reproduction ritual without actually causing conception because the interface tells us that sex feels really, really good and that it's really, really fun. It works to an almost flawless degree. Yet it's still just a trick to get us to make more humans. So, when you ask me what I think about sex and sexuality I tell you that all I can see is the little pre-programmed trick in my brain. The manipulation. Yet one more thing in this world that's trying to trick and control me.
  • Things happen for a reason and sometimes one must reach the bottom in order to begin again.

Steampunk Magazine[edit]

- Issue #3, Spring 2007

  • Building a Utopian Playland begins with the vision to make fun the top priority.
  • In all that is ever created, in all that we experience, the most important and powerful element is the element of contrast. Without contrast, things are stagnant and dull no matter the subject.
  • Embrace the madness and continue to look at the world in a completely different way. The perspective we have been conditioned to experience is only a widely accepted opinion based on misinformation created by the reality engineers whose aim it is to keep us under control.
  • I would suggest spending at least five minutes each day hopping about like a chimpanzee if at all possible.

Aether Emporium[edit]

  • The [Toy] Soldiers are tapping into their own, unique talents and this is what the Army of Toy Soldiers is truly about. The goal is to be able to access that spark of creativity inside yourself and find inspiration in manifesting your own creation. A Utopian Playland has already begun to manifest, for these brilliant individuals have taken the time to change their patterns of a “normal” life and do something from a place of inspiration.

Institute for Ethics & Emerging Technologies[edit]

- August 16, 2008

  • Indeed, there will come a time when artificial super intelligence will be able to out-think and out-perform us. To see “the robots building robots building robots” is one way of refining the evolution and development of technology based life. However, I am most interested in integrating our consciousness into this technology. To be able to back-up one’s brain and utilize this as the basis of such creations will allow us to integrate ourselves into the next step of existence. Our creativity is our greatest power, and in fact this is what I believe the true purpose of the universe is; to create. Humans have been able to harness this ability in unique ways and to build upon that by upgrading ourselves will be the key to moving into a new field of infinite possibilities.
  • It seems to me that if mankind successfully creates something that ends up wiping out the entire species, then we deserve such a demise. There is always a way to overcome a problem and it is this sort of creative thinking that makes us so very special. If we are not up to the task, then evolution has passed us by and electronic life would then inherit the Earth. It’s also important to remember that when being chased by a robot, it’s best to keep a garden hose and a bucket of magnets handy.


  • People often fear what they don’t understand and that is precisely why I am proud to call my guerilla advertising propaganda. It is propaganda. I am utilizing the tried and true techniques that governments have been using for ages. The tools of modern technology allow for slightly different avenues of brainwashing, but it is basically the same technique that many governments have used in the past. My goal is to showcase these tools as to educate the masses. It is imperative that the people recognize the manipulative techniques of those who seek to control them, for when you learn the tricks of the magician, the magician ceased to have magical powers.

UC Riverside Highlander News[edit]

- March 9, 2009

  • To recognize our sincere talents in unleashing our imagination is to unlock our greatest potential. This is something that children do on a daily basis for the sheer joy of it. They recognize the instinctual drive that generates happiness through the process of play. We are often conditioned to dismiss this as trivial behavior as we grow older, thus cutting our connection to our innate abilities. However, there are those who do indeed follow their talents and passions from an early age, and when do so they know that they are on the right track.
  • The concept of a Utopian Playland is one that goes deeper than physical construction or city planning, which is of course very important as well, it is this identification with the individual's personal creative potential. This is the foundation upon which we, as a species, must build our future. The physical manifestation of a Utopian Playland will also reflect these goals, gearing environments towards focus, creativity and working to expand the human experience through imagination.


- June 15, 2009

  • Anyone is capable of anything, and I do believe that each of us holds great powers of creativity. However, many of those in positions of power are not driven by the passion to manifest creativity. We have found ourselves in a situation of being controlled by an elite few who wish to stifle humanity’s true potential.
  • I do not feel that blind obedience a basic human need; I feel that it is a symptom of society’s restrictive confines. We live in a world where we are told what we cannot do, rather than being told what we are capable of doing. With this empowerment stripped from us we find ourselves longing for something, something that we often cannot even identify. Once this has taken place, we often find it easier to be told what to do rather than to go hunting for what it is that we should do. So, blind obedience is the “cure” to the problem that society has purposely created.
  • We have found ourselves in a ridiculous situation, carefully manipulated by The System. We are told that resources are running out, yet there’s a virtual cornucopia of alternate forms of energy and technology waiting to be utilized. It’s like living in a grocery store and being told that the only thing we can eat are peanuts. Yes, at some point the peanuts will be gone but if we were to explore the hundreds of other items in the store, we would cease to live in fear of starvation…though, it’s certainly the position that the person selling the peanuts wants to be in. They hold the monopoly. The monopoly needs to be removed entirely, and the currency of tomorrow needs to be information. Our ideas, our creativity is the only thing that holds true value. Once we recognize that, the universe is our only the limit.

Weird Things[edit]

- March 1, 2010

  • I simply see a great deal of room for improvement [in the world]. This planet’s need for a world “make-over” becomes that much more important when we identify the inept individuals who seem to be responsible for maintaining the poor state of society. There are brilliant people in this world with tremendous ideas for advancing our species towards greatness, yet we still find ourselves dealing with the same old problems. This is the result of those who have controlled mankind for thousands of years. This regime of creative suffocation must end if mankind is to reach its ultimate potential. It may also be important to note that I completely lost my mind approximately ten years ago.
  • As human beings, we have the ability to harness the creative energy of the universe. The universe and all that bounces around in it, is driven by this creative energy. We must actively use this creative drive as to manifest our brilliant imaginations. When the individual is able to enact their personal, creative talents they are able to reach beyond simple physical existence. They bring something into being which is greater than themselves and it is a tremendously enjoyable experience for the creator. All living things seek pleasure and one’s act of creating, from a sincere source of pure inspiration, brings no greater joy. So this is the single most important action that a human being can take… and it is a great deal of fun. To empower the people of the world to carry out such enjoyable creativity is to make the world a better place, a place full of inspiration, artistry, innovation and entertainment.
  • Robots are a very integral part of advancement towards a better tomorrow. There are many flaws concerning the current biological format we find ourselves trapped inside of. Our physiology is tremendously out of date and we desperately require an upgrade. Not only shall we find ourselves evolving towards electronic life in the long run, but by introducing intelligent robotics into our daily lives, we would find ourselves increasingly free to put our efforts towards a more creative purpose rather than spending our so much of our personal energy on mere maintenance and survival.

Song lyrics quotes[edit]

Drop Da Bomb (2001)[edit]

  • Tick, tick, ticking time bomb
    On a chain in a padded room
    Kaboom zoom and I'm outta here soon
    Chrome dome, goggles on
    Dressed all in rubber
    (Recorded voice:) "It's a bomb, duck and cover!"

Build The Robots (2001)[edit]

  • Plastic parts and glue
    Doing everything I can do
    To build the robots
    Build the robots

Dr. Steel (2001)[edit]

  • I have become the man with a plan!
    With an army of toys and a mechanical band!
    Ruling the world making everything real!
    I'm Doctor Steel, Doctor Steel!

Lament For a Toy Factory (2001)[edit]

  • I invaded the building with my army of toys
    As a fire rang out with a deafening noise, I screamed
    "I am the nightmare that crushes your dreams,
    I'm the greatest creator this world's ever seen!"

Fibonacci Sequence (2001)[edit]

See also: Fibonacci sequence
  • All wrapped up with a ribbon and a bow
    I’ll shut up cause I don’t want to know
    Living with a band-aid on my brain
    Everybody play the game

Childhood Don't A-Go-Go (2001)[edit]

  • And I keep a playroom inside my mind
    Sanctuary in which I hide
    Blur the world into a dream, into a lie
    And I am constructing this fantasy
    Imagination is saving me
    From the world I despise!

Back And Forth (2002)[edit]

  • SEE ME! Stare into my eyes, you're getting sleepy
    FEED ME! And then I'll feed the hungry and the needy
    TV! Is the loving eye of education
    FREE ME! I'll drag a burning smile across this nation!

Fibonacci Sequence (2002)[edit]

  • Living with a band-aid on my brain

We Decide (2002)[edit]

  • And our minds soak it all up
    And we label everything
    Because we're subjects to the programs
    Of the ancient human being.

Toy Soldiers Unite (2009)[edit]

  • We are Soldiers marching tall
    With toys for one and all
    We sing with all our might
    Toy Soldiers Unite!

External links[edit]

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