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- Deputy Towfield: [of Moon's marriage] It's bad, huh?
- Henry Moon: Like eggs rolled in sand.
- Henry Moon: Well?! Anybody hungry?
- Big Abe: [deadpan] Hungry?! Shit, I could eat a frozen dog.
- Henry Moon: Well, we'll go on out to the kitchen and see if we got one already froze.
- Henry Moon: Well, I ain't no slab of meat to be auctioned off, but what the hell? Fine by me.
- Hermine, Moon's Old Gang: [to Henry Moon just prior to his hanging] You was the best I ever had... 'cept maybe for that circus fella.
- Henry Moon: I'll never forget you, Hermione. You was the first woman I didn't have to pay for.
[to a homely woman who's sizing him up for matrimony]
- Henry Moon: I wouldn't take you to a dog-fight if you was the defendin' champ!
- Sheriff Andrew Kyle: Julia, are you drunk?
- Julia Tate: Sheriff Kyle, you know I don't drink.
- Henry Moon: 'Course she don't drink!
- Henry Moon: Poultry is just another way of sayin' chicken.
- Henry Moon: Hold on, Towfield, you're wrinklin' my good luck ban-dan-na.
- Jack Nicholson - Henry Lloyd Moon
- Mary Steenburgen - Julie Tate
- Christopher Lloyd - Deputy Towfield
- John Belushi - Deputy Hector
- Richard Bradford - Sheriff Kyle
- Veronica Cartwright - Hermine
- Jeff Morris - Big Abe
- Danny DeVito - Hog
- Tracey Walter - Coogan
- Luana Anders - Loretta Anderson
- Lucy Lee Flippin - Diane Haber
- Ed Begley, Jr. - Whitey Haber
- Lin Shaye - Parasol Lady