Hamlet 2

Hamlet 2 is a 2008 comedy about a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher who rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages a politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Directed by Andrew Fleming. Written by Andrew Fleming and Pam Brady.

One high school drama teacher is about to make a huge number 2.

Dana Marschz

• I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!
• Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.
• It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating.
• [in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!
• It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!

Cricket Feldstein

• You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!

Epiphany Sellers

• I still get nervous around ethnics.

Dialogue

Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.

Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?

Cricket Feldstein: My balls?

---

Dana Marschz: You can't let your ethnic narrow-mindedness stop your son from thriving in our culture.

Mr. Marquez: I have to take exception to that characterization.

Dana Marschz: Heywood's a bad boy. He's a gang banger. A deadbeat. But he also has a gift.

Mrs. Marquez: Who is Heywood?

Dana Marschz: Your son. Heywood Jablome.

[pause; realization dawns upon Dana]

Dana Marschz: Oh. I just got that.

---

Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.

Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.

Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.

Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!

Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.

Dana Marschz: It was?

Cast

• Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz
• Catherine Keener - Brie Marschz
• Joseph Julian Soria - Octavio Marquez
• Skylar Astin - Rand Posin
• Phoebe Strole - Epiphany Sellars
• Melonie Diaz - Ivonne
• Arnie Pantoja - Vitamin J
• Michael Esparza - Chuy
• Natalie Amenula - Yolanda
• David Arquette - Gary
• Elisabeth Shue - Elisabeth Shue
• Amy Poehler - Cricket Feldstein

External links

• Hamlet 2 quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• Hamlet 2 at Rotten Tomatoes
• The Official site