Hamlet 2 is a 2008 comedy about a failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher who rallies his Tucson, AZ students as he conceives and stages a politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.
- I feel like I've been raped....IN THE FACE!
- Chuy, you're going to have a magical life. Because no matter where you go, it's always going to be better than Tucson.
- It's getting late... and my wife is ovulating.
- [in commercial] I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!
- It's a slippery slope... beer, liquor, dope, coke, meth, chicks with dicks, then jail!
- You wanna hit me? I would love it if you hit me! I'm married to a Jew, I've got nothing to lose!
- I still get nervous around ethnics.
- Cricket Feldstein: No one is shutting down this play. The Justice Department and the so-called Supreme Court can suck my balls.
- Dana Marschz: Why do they have to do this?
- Cricket Feldstein: My balls?
- Dana Marschz: You can't let your ethnic narrow-mindedness stop your son from thriving in our culture.
- Mr. Marquez: I have to take exception to that characterization.
- Dana Marschz: Heywood's a bad boy. He's a gang banger. A deadbeat. But he also has a gift.
- Mrs. Marquez: Who is Heywood?
- Dana Marschz: Your son. Heywood Jablome.
- [pause; realization dawns upon Dana]
- Dana Marschz: Oh. I just got that.
- Cricket Feldstein: Well, this play is gonna bitch-slap Broadway like a cheap hooker at a gangbang.
- Dana Marschz: Uh... yeah.
- Cricket Feldstein: Y'know, and those Bible-humping protesters can suck a bag of dicks, 'cause all I ended up doing was giving you free publicity.
- Dana Marschz: Yeah, and did you see my dressing room? It has a bidet!
- Elisabeth Shue: That was a sink.
- Dana Marschz: It was?
- Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz
- Catherine Keener - Brie Marschz
- Joseph Julian Soria - Octavio Marquez
- Skylar Astin - Rand Posin
- Phoebe Strole - Epiphany Sellars
- Melonie Diaz - Ivonne
- Arnie Pantoja - Vitamin J
- Michael Esparza - Chuy
- Natalie Amenula - Yolanda
- David Arquette - Gary
- Elisabeth Shue - Elisabeth Shue
- Amy Poehler - Cricket Feldstein