Happy Gilmore

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Happy Gilmore is a 1996 film about a rejected hockey player who puts his skills to the golf course to save his grandmother's house.

Directed by Dennis Dugan. Written by Tim Herlihy and Adam Sandler
He doesn't play golf... he destroys it. taglines


Chubbs: Golf's no different from hockey. It requires talent and self discipline.
Happy: Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant, probably a great golfer, huge ass.
Chubbs: Hey, I'll bet your neighbor the accountant can't drive the ball 400 yards. I'll bet your neighbor the accountant doesn't have a shot to get on the Pro Tour!
Happy: And how would I do that?
Chubbs: You win the Open tomorrow, and you're automatically on the Pro Tour. Then who knows, maybe you'll win the Tour Championship. Get that gold jacket that I never got.
Happy: Gold jacket, green jacket, who gives a shit?

McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
McGavin: No.

[McGavin takes a shot]
Mr. Larson: Trying to reach the green from here, Shooter?
McGavin: That's not possible, sir.
Mr. Larson: I beg to differ, Happy Gilmore accomplished that feat no more than an hour ago.
McGavin: [turning round and seeing Mr. Larson] Well, moron, good for Happy Gilm-OH MY GOD!!

Announcer: We haven't seen Happy Gilmore play this badly since his first day on tour. He and Bob Barker are now dead last.
Barker: I can't believe you're a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.
Happy: You better relax, Bob.
Barker: There is no way that you could have been as bad at hockey as you are at golf.
Happy: All right. Let's go!
[he punches Barker in the face]
Happy: You like that, old man?! You want a piece of me?!
Barker: [shakes his head as he gets up from the ground] I don't want a piece of you. I want the whole THING!
[Barker repeatedly punches Happy vigorously until he hits the water]
Happy: [angrily emerges from the water] Now you're gonna get it, Bobby!
[he and Barker continue fighting, and they roll down the hill, until Happy conks Barker in the head and gets back on his feet]
Man from behind: [cheers Happy on] Happy!
Happy: The Price is wrong, bitch!
[Barker suddenly chokes Happy and punches him 3 times]
Barker: I think you've had enough.
[Happy tries to get back up again]
Barker: No?
[Barker kicks Happy in the face once more]
Barker: Now you've had enough. [sets off, then turns back to Happy] Bitch.

Happy: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy: Yeah.
[Virginia shoots the puck and scores]
Happy: Holy shit. Talk about your all time backfires.
Virginia: Happy, I didn't see it go in.
[the two lovers kiss]

Mover: You hit that guy!
Happy: He shouldn't have been standing there.

[After Happy's ball went through the tower and into the hole]
Happy: Oh, my God!
[The crowd cheers and surrounds Happy]
Verne Lundquist: This is incredible! Happy Gilmore wins the gold jacket.
Shooter: No! No!
[Shooter bends down in defeat and agony. Happy kisses Virginia, his grandmother and Otto]
Happy: I love you, you and you.
Shooter: Doug! Doug! Impossible! That's mine! My jacket! It's mine!
[Shooter steals Happy's gold jacket from Doug, and runs away]
Happy: Hey! He stole my jacket!
Mr. Larson: I believe that is Mr. Gilmore's jacket!
[In slow-motion, Shooter runs as he puts on Happy's jacket. The crowd chases him. Larson angrily growls as he swings his arms]
Mr. Larson: I'll get you, Shooter!
Man: We're gonna get you, you bastard!
[Shooter screams, then collapses offscreen as the crowd attacks him]
Shooter: No! Get off! Ow! Get off! Get off!
Mr. Larson: Stay still!
[A punch is heard]
Shooter: No!!!
[A loud smack is heard as Shooter screams in pain]


  • He doesn't play golf... he destroys it.


Wikipedia has an article about: