Harley Quinn (TV series)
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Harley Quinn is an American adult animated web television series based on the Harley Quinn character created by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm.
Til Death Do Us Part [1.01]
- Man: [Gentlemen]! My fellow whites. Let's raise a glass to this pyramid of money, the foundation of which was built upon our favorite pastime: F*cking the poor!
- Harley: [excitedly] Is this the good kinda acid that gives you superpowers?!
- Riddler: No!
- Harley: Awwww...
- Poison Ivy: Just stopped by to check up on ya, but I see you're doin' great, I'm gonna pick up some Thai food, text me what you want, okay?
- Harley: Oh, no, wait! I'll have a green potato curry.
- Poison Ivy: Yeah, but I mean-I just-just text it to me.
- Harley: But you're right here.
- Poison Ivy: Yeah, but then I'm not going to remember what you want, and you won't like what I get you, and you're gonna want some of mine. Just-just fuckin' text it.
A High Bar [1.02]
- Joker: I need a permit for a trap door? The whole point is no one is supposed to know about it! Especially the city.
So You Need a Crew? [1.03]
- Harley Quinn: [To Maxie Zeus] Ah, Got it. So you're just a creepy dick!
- Clayface: The name is Clayface, thespian extraordinaire recently portraying the juicy role of country boy bartending in the big city!
- Dr. Psycho: I thought you were playing the role of literal piece of shit.
- Clayface: Not yet. [transforms into Doctor Psycho] NOW I'm a literal piece of shit!
Finding Mr. Right [1.04]
- Superman: Is she mad about the paywall too? $7.99 is an ambitious price point, and it doesn't include the crossword, which is ridic.
- Poison Ivy: Harley! You can't kill him.
- Harley Quinn: You don't think I can kill a 12 year old?! Oh, okay. Well, I will smash in his face with a bat like a WATERMELON!
- Harley Quinn: I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!
- Poison Ivy: [snorts in amusement] Well, that rules out Batman. Catwoman says he waxes everything.
- Batman: I'm gonna say something embarrassing here. I didn't have a nemesis until... my late twenties.
- Robin: Don't patronize me, father, it's unbecoming.
- Batman: It's true. I wasn't ready for one. You want your first nemesis to be special. Someone that you can see being your nemesis for the rest of your life.
- Robin: I suppose you're right, father... When can I start having sex?
- Batman: I... think I hear the bat-signal. [grappling-hooks away]
Being Harley Quinn [1.05]
- Ivy: Okay, I say this with love, but there's no way you're just realizing this now.
- Shark: Sorry you didn't get that mack-in-a you were talkin' about—but at least that guy showed up outta nowhere to save us for no reason!
- King Shark: You're not my Dad!
- Aquaman: That is contrary to what she said.
- Bane: Look! I am stomping on your fish!
- Aquaman: Bane, stop it!
A Seat on the Table [1.09]
- Bane: I wish they would make another Up movie.
- Lex Luthor: They can’t! The story was over at the end of the first.
- Scarecrow: Unless... the kid is the old man in the sequel.
- Bane: Oh, that’s fun! That’s a good one!
- King Shark: Instead of a boy, it's a fish, and instead of a wolf...
- Harley: It's an orca.
- King Shark: No! It's a wolf *named* Orca. But it can swim, which is *terrifying*!
- Harley: How much of this am I hallucinating?
- Dr. Quinzel: Just me. Weirdly, the passed-out guy with the boner and the talking plant driving a car are both real.
- Bane: The credit card is for emergencies only, but your bill is all candies and vape pens and something suspiciously labelled "dolphin encounter"! When you put out a hit, you pay in cash!
- Joshua: Okay, fine, I'll cancel it!
- Bane: Already done, because I am this credit card's reckoning! I am cutting this card, and I am cutting it in half— [tries cutting the card in half with childproof scissors] ...These blades are dull. I will bend it!
- Joshua: Don't do that!
- Bane: Too late! Do you think I want to be "Credit Card Paying Man"? I have dreams, too!
Harley Quinn Highway [1.11]
- Scarecrow: Tsk tsk tsk. Trying to escape on surgery day. Don't worry, insurance will cover it. [beat] ...Obviously that was a joke; insurance would never cover this. I-I think we can all agree they're the real villains, yeah?
- Ivy: I would agree with tha— [gets sedated]
Devil's Snare [1.12]
- Ivy: We didn't do it. We aren't responsible for the tree monsters. I secretly watch NASCAR. I take long showers. I think paper straws are stupid and get too soggy. I was excited for Jazz Fest. [cries out in agony as the lasso glows] Fine. I was very excited for Jazz Fest!
- Clayface: Oy! Bubbeh, it is I, Grandfather Wolf!
- Dr. Psycho: Okay. First, that's a male wolf, dressed like an elderly human female. Second, why is your wolf Jewish?
- Clayface: ...I took a swing.
The Final Joke [1.13]
- Joker: Wait a minute. Did anyone hear a splash? I've fallen in acid enough times to know that there should be a splash.
- Kaley Cuoco as Dr. Harleen Quinzel / Harley Quinn
- Lake Bell as Dr. Pamela Isley / Poison Ivy
- Diedrich Bader as Bruce Wayne / Batman
- Alan Tudyk as Joker, Basil Karlo / Clayface, Julian Day / Calendar Man
- Ron Funches as Nanaue / King Shark
- Tony Hale as Dr. Edgar Cizko / Doctor Psycho