Harley Quinn (TV series)

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Harley Quinn is an American adult animated web television series based on the Harley Quinn character created by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm.

Season 1[edit]

Til Death Do Us Part [1.01][edit]

Man: [Gentlemen]! My fellow whites. Let's raise a glass to this pyramid of money, the foundation of which was built upon our favorite pastime: F*cking the poor!

Harley: [excitedly] Is this the good kinda acid that gives you superpowers?!
Riddler: No!
Harley: Awwww...

Poison Ivy: Just stopped by to check up on ya, but I see you're doin' great, I'm gonna pick up some Thai food, text me what you want, okay?
Harley: Oh, no, wait! I'll have a green potato curry.
Poison Ivy: Yeah, but I mean-I just-just text it to me.
Harley: But you're right here.
Poison Ivy: Yeah, but then I'm not going to remember what you want, and you won't like what I get you, and you're gonna want some of mine. Just-just fuckin' text it.

A High Bar [1.02][edit]

Joker: I need a permit for a trap door? The whole point is no one is supposed to know about it! Especially the city.

So You Need a Crew? [1.03][edit]

Harley:I need a fucking crew!
Poison Ivy:No you need a shower

Harley Quinn: [To Maxie Zeus] Ah, Got it. So you're just a creepy dick!

Clayface: The name is Clayface, thespian extraordinaire recently portraying the juicy role of country boy bartending in the big city!
Dr. Psycho: I thought you were playing the role of literal piece of shit.
Clayface: Not yet. [transforms into Doctor Psycho] NOW I'm a literal piece of shit!

Finding Mr. Right [1.04][edit]

Superman: Is she mad about the paywall too? $7.99 is an ambitious price point, and it doesn't include the crossword, which is ridic.

Poison Ivy: Harley! You can't kill him.
Harley Quinn: You don't think I can kill a 12 year old?! Oh, okay. Well, I will smash in his face with a bat like a WATERMELON!

Harley Quinn: I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!
Poison Ivy: [snorts in amusement] Well, that rules out Batman. Catwoman says he waxes everything.

Batman: I'm gonna say something embarrassing here. I didn't have a nemesis until... my late twenties.
Robin: Don't patronize me, father, it's unbecoming.
Batman: It's true. I wasn't ready for one. You want your first nemesis to be special. Someone that you can see being your nemesis for the rest of your life.
Robin: I suppose you're right, father... When can I start having sex?
Batman: I... think I hear the bat-signal. [grappling-hooks away]

Being Harley Quinn [1.05][edit]

Ivy: Okay, I say this with love, but there's no way you're just realizing this now.

Shark: Sorry you didn't get that mack-in-a you were talkin' about—but at least that guy showed up outta nowhere to save us for no reason!

L.O.D.R.S.V.P. [1.08][edit]

King Shark: You're not my Dad!
Aquaman: That is contrary to what she said.

Bane: Look! I am stomping on your fish!
Aquaman: Bane, stop it!

A Seat on the Table [1.09][edit]

Bane: I wish they would make another Up movie.
Lex Luthor: They can’t! The story was over at the end of the first.
Scarecrow: Unless... the kid is the old man in the sequel.
Bane: Oh, that’s fun! That’s a good one!

King Shark: Instead of a boy, it's a fish, and instead of a wolf...
Harley: It's an orca.
King Shark: No! It's a wolf *named* Orca. But it can swim, which is *terrifying*!

Bensonhust [1.10][edit]

Harley: How much of this am I hallucinating?
Dr. Quinzel: Just me. Weirdly, the passed-out guy with the boner and the talking plant driving a car are both real.

Bane: The credit card is for emergencies only, but your bill is all candies and vape pens and something suspiciously labelled "dolphin encounter"! When you put out a hit, you pay in cash!
Joshua: Okay, fine, I'll cancel it!
Bane: Already done, because I am this credit card's reckoning! I am cutting this card, and I am cutting it in half— [tries cutting the card in half with childproof scissors] ...These blades are dull. I will bend it!
Joshua: Don't do that!
Bane: Too late! Do you think I want to be "Credit Card Paying Man"? I have dreams, too!

Harley Quinn Highway [1.11][edit]

Scarecrow: Tsk tsk tsk. Trying to escape on surgery day. Don't worry, insurance will cover it. [beat] ...Obviously that was a joke; insurance would never cover this. I-I think we can all agree they're the real villains, yeah?
Ivy: I would agree with tha— [gets sedated]

Devil's Snare [1.12][edit]

Ivy: We didn't do it. We aren't responsible for the tree monsters. I secretly watch NASCAR. I take long showers. I think paper straws are stupid and get too soggy. I was excited for Jazz Fest. [cries out in agony as the lasso glows] Fine. I was very excited for Jazz Fest!

Clayface: Oy! Bubbeh, it is I, Grandfather Wolf!
Dr. Psycho: Okay. First, that's a male wolf, dressed like an elderly human female. Second, why is your wolf Jewish?
Clayface: ...I took a swing.

The Final Joke [1.13][edit]

Joker: Wait a minute. Did anyone hear a splash? I've fallen in acid enough times to know that there should be a splash.

Season 2[edit]


External links[edit]

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