Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
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- [Discovers that Kumar has brought weed on the airplane] You brought weed on the fucking airplane?!
- Watch out for cheetahs! This is cheetah turf!
- Oh yeah! Yeah, it's sweet! 'Cuz we're fugitives. Driving a yellow convertible with the top down, dressed like assholes!
- [Dressed in KKK clothes after coming to a KKK barbeque and was asked to say 1 racist thing you did in the week] I did knee an Indian guy in the balls.
- Jesus, Kumar. I don't like it so much.
- [reciting the poem 'The Square Root of 3'] I fear that I will always be / A lonely number like root three / A three is all that's good and right, / Why must my three keep out of sight / Beneath a vicious square root sign, / I wish instead I were a nine / For nine could thwart this evil trick, / with just some quick arithmetic / I know I'll never see the sum, as 1.7321 / Such is my reality, a sad irrationality / When hark! What is this I see, / Another square root of a three / Has quietly come waltzing by, / Together now we multiply / To form a number we prefer, / Rejoicing as an integer / We break free from our mortal bonds / And with a wave of magic wands / Our square root signs become unglued / And love for me has been renewed.
- Dude, whats a blumpkin?
- Meet the smokeless bong
- Ugh, smells like burnt asshole
- Its not a bomb, its a bong
- You fucking pissed on me, you racist fuck!
- Dude, this chick is giving me such a boner. Its awesome!
- His dick smells like shit dude!
- You guys wanna know something real fucked up and awesome that I did? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!
- [as he falls to his death] FUCK YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!
- Hey Derek, could I get another... [sees Harold and Kumar escaping] WHAT THE FUCK?!
- Zip it Hello Kitty!
- [Seeing Harold and Kumar in custody] Never thought I'd see the day. North Korea and Al Qaeda working together.
Dr. John Beecher
- Enough, Fox! I've had enough of your crap! You think that just because I'm smart. you can treat me like some dork in gym class? It's obvious these kids are innocent. But you're too dumb to realize that. You know, it's people like you who make the world think that Americans are stupid! WELL, WE'RE NOT STUPID!!! AND WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE THIS SHIT ANYMORE!!!
- What in the nigger was that?
- Old Lady:(sees Kumar is smoking a homemade bong) T-T-T-TERRORIST!
- [The passengers begin to scream and panic]
- Harold: No, ma'am. He's not a terrorist, he's just an idiot.
- Kumar: This is just a bong.
- Male Passenger: He said he's got a bomb!
- Male Passenger 1: He's gonna blow up the plane!
- Kumar: It's not a bomb, it's just a bong.
- [An undercover flight marshal draws a pistol and tackles Kumar; the bong flies forward, hits the floor and shatters, releasing smoke]
- Businessman: Poison gas!
- [People start to panic and flee towards the cockpit]
- Marshal: [To Kumar] You picked the wrong plane, you terrorist fuck!
- Harold: Hey! Hey what are you doing!
- [A second flight marshal tackles Harold]
- Marshal: There are three, air marshals on board, three!
- Kumar: We are not terrorists sir! That's a bong, not a bomb!
- Marshal: Shut up!
- Marshal 2: [Draws Pistol] I got this one!
- Harold: Ow! I'm in great amount of pain, sir!
- [As the passengers slowly calm down, the first Marshal looks at the crowd]
- Marshal: Everybody relax. Just calm down everything's under control! Tell them to turn the plane around; these two assholes are going back to the US!
About Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
- Our top priority was to make people laugh, but the secondary priority is that there’s something a little smarter below the surface. I guess in a certain way it’s our reaction to post-9/11 paranoia.
- It’s not that Guantánamo Bay itself is funny, but it’s utterly ridiculous for Harold and Kumar to be thrown in there.