Hetalia - Axis Powers

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Hetalia - Axis Powers is a manga and anime series created by Hidekaz Himaruya. The story is based on world history, mainly the events of World War I through World War II. Each main character is a personification of an actual country. Each character is normally referred to as their country name, such as America or Spain, but they also have human names like Alfred or Antonio. The series started as a webcomic, and later became a web series, which is the reason for each episode being only five minutes. It was originally made in Japanese, but English subtititles and an English dub is available. So far the show has six seasons and a movie.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Episode 1[edit]

America: Dude, I think the World Conference can convene. Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively! No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for re-election. I'll go first! About that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing, I think we'll be okay if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have him protect the Earth - I give you the super hero, 'Globoman'!
Japan: I agree with America.
Switzerland: Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!
England: There's no way some hero will help global warming or humanity's enslavement.
France: If Britain and America don't agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both?
England: AGINCOURT!
America: You Frenchies just love to hate America. Why not go back to making us hot green chick statues like you used to?
England: [overlapping with America] The only things that come from France are horrid wine and body odor.
China: Western nations are so immature. I doubt they ever grow up. Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs' that seems to work. Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty treats?
France and Britain: We'd just get hungry again!
Spain: Hey, why don't you say something Russia? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in.
Russia: What? Why me? No thanks. I want to see Lithuania get in big trouble and come crawling back for help. Then Latvia will be right behind.
Estonia: You're so tough, next you'll try to pick a fight with Haiti.
Russia: Do you have a miniature detachable head?
Poland: If you get any closer to Lithuania I'll make your capital Warsaw!
China: Please everyone, calm down!
Germany: Everyone shut up!
England and France: Germany?!
Germany:We've called this conference to solve the world's problems, not to fight about the problems of our past. And since I'm the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we'll follow my rules from here on out. Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit chat about side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit. Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salute of my country's past. [Italy's hand goes up] Germany recognizes his friend Italy!
Italy: ... PASTA----!
*queue music*

Germany: It is said that long ago in this land, there lived a man who conquered the Mediterranean Sea, and gained all the world’s wealth. His name… was the Roman Empire. He had it all: the world’s wealth, fame, and vast land. The man who gained everything… one day he just… disappeared.

Germany: Later! During WWI! I’m supposed to be fighting a descendent of Rome right now… but so far no such luck ...how weird… We crossed that border with no problem, didn’t we, Herr Stick? I’m so sorry I didn’t share any of my liverwursts with you! The invasion was going so well I forgot about feeding mein sticky friend! Well you’re right; I still shouldn’t let my guard down. It’s him we’re talking about; he must have some sort of plan. *Shocked noise*

—Ominous Crate of Tomatoes—

Germany: *flabbergasted sounds*

[To be continued]

Episode 2[edit]

Germany: The time was WWI. I found myself… in what’s you’d call… a “situation…” Hmm… weird… looks like someone left me these tomatoes--
Italy: Ah!
Germany: Augh!
Italy: Hello to you! I am the box of tomatoes fairy! I come in peace! Let us be friends and play with each other!
Germany: I think someone’s inside!
Italy: You’re wrong! There’s no one inside! DO NOT OPEN THE BOX!!!!
Germany: Nnnnngh…. Verdammt, this is heavy…
Italy: Why are you ignoring me?! What point is it to try to see the box of tomatoes fairy’s guts?!?!
Germany: *struggle grunts* Something is caught in here…!!!
Italy: Wah! I’m so sorry; you were right! I am not a box of tomatoes fairies at all! It was all lies! Lies!!! LIES!!!! Please don’t shoot me; I’m too young to die, and what if I don’t die but am just mortally wounded and forced to lie there in misery in a pool of my own blood?! Please I’ll do anything! Well, I mean within reason… I DON’T WANT TO DIEEEEEEE!!!!!!
*queue music*
Italy: I mean seriously, I’m a virgin! Where do you think they get Virgin Olive Oil? The point is you don’t want to shoot the virgin! We’re pathetic enough as it is!!! I apologize for the lying, and the boxing, and really I’m a good

Italy! I swear! You’re Germany, right?!

Germany: Geez… is this the guy I’m supposed to be fighting? I heard mein Feind is the descendant of the great Rome, but…
Italy: I have relatives in Berlin!
Germany: Ugh… there’s no way this whining little brat could be the same enemy… I wonder who he really is… Let me ask you a question. You wouldn’t by any chance be related to the great Rome, would you?
Italy: Wait, you’re telling me you know Grandpa Rome? What a fantastico turn of events! Especially for this poor pizza and pasta lover!

You had me completely fooled! I thought you were really mean and scary! So we can be friends, ok?

Germany: What kind of joke is this? Ah! Mein Gott this is a trap! He’s pretending to be harmless in an attempt to catch me off guard! Sneaky bastard!!
Italy: How fun to have a new friend!—Augh!
Germany: I will not be tricked! Go to hell, you pasta loving trottel!
Italy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah……. *whine cry whine*
Germany: At that moment, I never imagined the extent to which this encounter would change my fate. Although I don’t believe in such things.

Episode 3[edit]

[English version]

Italy [singing a song about Germany] Germany! Germany! Germany is a really, really nice place. Even though I'm your prisoner you give me food, and it doesn't suck like English food. Sausages with cheeses always taste so good. It'd be heaven for a dog. Yeah that's Germany. Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust. You're crushing me with your intimidation. My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear. Your women terrify me. Is it the normal to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head? Please don't come to my place in large mobs; German tourists are scary. Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am. Yahoo!~

Italy [pops up as Germany is busy making cuckoo clocks to settle a debt towards France] Germany! Help me find a job. My family has become extremely poor. [is promptly kicked out]
Germany Don't come bothering me about a job! I can't do anything except work all day to pay back France!

Episode 4[edit]

Japan: こんにちは (Konnichiwa). I am Japan. I enjoy sensing the mood and refraining from speaking.
Germany: It’s true! Ok, so I brought someone who will be our new ally!
Japan: Do you speak of Italy? Alright; I am in agreement. Although I am curious…

Episode 5: Crying out S.O.S at the Center of the World![edit]

Italy: Hey there Germany!! I finished all my preparations to become your best ally ever!!!!
Germany: Hm? After weeks of hearing about it, I should at least take a look.
Italy: Tada!! First I got pasta, pasta sauces, wine, pasta fruits! And ingredients for pasta!
Germany: This is not preparation for war!!
Italy: Don’t sweat it! I also made stuff for the war! Aha~!! I made one especially for you too!
Germany: Ah… for me too?
Italy: Mm hmm! I pulled an all-nighter making them by hand!
Germany: They’re handmade…?
  • two white flags. they have [“I surrender--Germany”] and [“I surrender--Italy”] written on them*
Italy: And! You can also use them with the girls you date!

Japan: Germany. I think we need a team name.
Germany: Team name?
Japan: はい。(Hai.) Italy and I thought about it earlier. What do you think about “Axis?”
Germany: “Axis…?”
Japan: It mean—we are all connected together by an axis, and when we prevail, the world will turn on that new axis.
Germany: Abstract. I was thinking “Fire Death Team.”
Japan: No… it better to confuse with obtuse metaphor.
Germany: If you say so… in German you would have to say, “Eine Achse.”
Japan: Sounds badass.
Italy: In Italian that would be “Un Asse….!” *sleeping noises*

Episode 6[edit]

England: (in a really low freaky voice) Bring on the fire. Bring on the hell. Set everything ablaze so that no trace remains. Bring on the fire…
America: I feel like we’re summoning the devil!!!

Austria: Hey, why do you throw your underwear on the floor when you’ve only worn it the one time?! If Franz Joseph I saw this, he’d die in a fit of fury of your unadulterated wastefulness!!
Germany: Ja… but they kinda have a big hole in them...
Austria: This tiny hole?! Franz Joseph I would not care about such things; he would’ve patched it up first!!

Japan: It occurs to me. I wonder how Mr. Austria is doing right now.
Italy: Ask him! He’s been over there this whole time!
Germany and Japan: Ah?!
Austria: *playing a piano by the sea*
Germany: How did I not see him?!?!?!

Episode 7[edit]

America: Ok, we’re so afraid of the Axis (nom) and so agreeing everyone (nom) I think it’s the one who’s secretly in love with Britain and (nom) and though he’s SECRETLY IN LOOOVE WITH BRITAIN haha (nom) I cannot see around it; I did nothing!

[“Munch, munch”]

England: I can’t understand a single word you’re saying! Would you please just stop eating!
America: My vocabulary can be intimidating.
England: Ah…
America: I’ll stop eating this absurd pile of hamburgers so you can focus better. (sluuuuurp) Axis (sluuuuurp) bad guys (sluuuuurp) Allies (sluuuuurp) good guys…

[“Slurp”]

America: Ah… and the hero is me!!
England: Oh, shut it!!

Italy: Hey Germany, check it cool! This is my big brother Romano! Isn’t he sheezy?
Germany: Ugh… hi I’m Germany. A pleasure.
Italy: I’m the north of the country, and he’s the southern part! Since we’ve always been governed separately, he had to spend more time with our big brother Spain, so he’s become kind of a dick! Right? Now say hi to my friend!
Romano: Suck my balls you dumb potato eater.
Germany: Ah…!

Romano: Ok, Mr. Super Studly. What’d you do to twist-a my brother’s head around so bad?
Germany: Uh… what do you want…?
Romano: Che palle! Don’t play dumb with me; that’s-a my brother’s job, and I know you’ve got some plan for him that’s sinister, and sure, your highways don’t have speed limits, but that doesn’t give you the right to criticize-a when men microbrew the best, big kraut breath!
Germany: Stop right there. You can’t blame me for what-
Romano: This weatherman is predicting a 99% chance of shit storm and it’s coming right at ya!

Romano: I have created a secret weapon for such singular purpose and stealthiness that you will be helpless to its powers! Moustache! Ahhhahaha! Hoohoo! You look-a so very stupid, with your big bushy mustache like some hipster at an art school party! Ahahahahaha!!!
Germany: Uh… you do know it looks like you have the mustache from where I stand…
Romano: Ahh! Turn your head! No! Don’t look! I’m so ugly!!!!

Episode 8[edit]

Italy: Germany, Germany, a stranger said he would take me to a tasty dinner so I went to go get the pasta, but it turned out he only had hamburgers the whole time!
America: Yo Britain, I totally just caught Italy.
Italy: Please, but, but, oh.
England: Nicely Done. Let's hit him violently and get what we can out of him.
Italy: No need, I'll tell you everything I know.
America: This dude is lame. Maybe we should make him work
Italy: [Crash] My bad, oopsy.
America: Okay, so what now.
England: I wrote a letter to Germany. This is what he said 'Please prepare him good food, a cute girl and a foot/soccer ball. Also, he will die if he accidentally learns French, so be careful'

Italy: They said they were sending me back because I was too much work for them!
Germany: Welcome back, Italy.

Ring, Ring

Italy: Germany, Germany, there was a pretty girl so I hit on her, but it tuned out the pretty girl was France in disguise!
France: Ohonhonhon~, guess who just captured us a little Italy.
America: What?!
England: What?!
America: He's such a pain, let's put put him in jail or something.
Italy: Woof Woof!
England: Alright, I'll feed him.
Italy: Woof Woof!
Italy: AHHHH! THIS FOOD TASTES TERRIBLE! I'VE NEVER EATEN SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLY BLAND AND DISGUSTING!
England: It's terrible...? You think my is food bland...?
Italy: AHHH! OH THE WORST! EVEN GERMANY'S MUSHY POTATOES TASTE BETTER THEN THIS SOGGY MESS OF GOO!
America: You're not helping.

Germany: Welcome back, again.

Italy: Germany, Germany, I'm in North Africa right now and I can't tie my shoe laces. And what's even worse, Britain is here!
Germany: Ugh. *High blood pressure*

England: Come see, I've captured Germany by using Italy as a decoy
Germany: Damn, I should have know it was a trap.
America: Rock out, Britain!
France: Oui! Now you will tell us everything you know, or else.
Germany: Before I tell you, there is something I want to say. It goes a little something like this, LUTSCHEN MEIN BALLS!
Italy: Ahh! Why are you pointing a gun at me? I already told you I would tell you everything I know which is pretty much everything I know! Please don't kill me, please!
Germany: Do your worse, compared to my everyday life your kind of torture would be like bites from a mosquito.
Italy: Germany's kind of a sadist, actually he's a dead super kind of sadist with a lot of hardcore books and DVD's you can't guess what I have seen living with him! There was this one video I saw that had dogs in it! He really likes tying people up too and I'm sure you know what means! Up until recently his goverment endorsed beastiality with all it's soldiers!!!
Germany: Breathing heavily ... I hate you and your ass face.

Female voice over: Although Italy is small, he's kind of a pig. So the meals he's getting just aren't enough.

Italy (looks in box of food scraps) Uhhhh, Pasta, you hiding here?
Holy Rome Empire: (walking by with plate of food) Huh?
Italy: (pouts cutely) Hmmm, I can't eat this.
Holy Rome Empire: Hmm
Italy: I'm so hungry. Hold on, is that food? Is it there for me? ahah~! Thank you, who ever you are! nom nom nom This sucks.
Holy Rome Empire: ah!

Austria: What do I do with you? You steal food whenever I turn my back.
Italy:Sorry.
Austria: You think about what you did, you got it?
Italy:Sì.
Italy: I'm starving in here! AHHH!

Ring. Ring

Japan: Hai. Japan.
Italy: Japan, Japan, Help me. Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!
Japan: We shall see.

Episode 9[edit]

America: Ok! So, like I’ve designed a really sweet attack plan, which I’m calling Attack Plan Alpha, like alpha dog. Woof! I think it makes use of our strengths in the best way possible. Britain goes in suicidal! It’s your Charge of the Light Brigade routine!
England: Huh?
America: France gives up without a struggle!
France: Huh?
America: And for Russia, just keep sending us your cannon fodder! You’ll draw the guns away! From me!
Russia: Hold on. Question. What are you going to be doing, America?

[England – Back me up France – Back me up Russia – Back me up]

America: Good question! I’ll do what I always do best! And that means: I’m the hero!!

France: When you two are done releasing sexual tension! We have got a meeting we need to finish!
America: Huh?
England: That’s weird! France actually made a rational point!
America: Uh… sorry, that was childish and things got out of hand.
England: That’s no fair! It’s my job to be mature!
France: Seriously, you two. We have more important things to worry about before settling on our world plans! Like what to do about those tacky military clothes!

China: 身体好吗? (Shēntǐ hǎo ma?) Oh great, Britain, France, and America are fighting again over nothing! Why can’t you just dominate your people with a totalitarian government, really…

[Subject 2: If we win, what will we do with their lands?]

China: Here, let me show you how things are decided using ancient Chinese fashion.

Seems simple enough! China take all. You can go home now.

England: I don’t think so!!! What gives you the right to take all the land for yourself!?
China: Because I’m the oldest!
France: This is worse than trying to manage a bunch of Italians…!

America: Old Japan! Let’s find out where that is!

[America’s world map!]

America: Um…

[America] [America] [America]

America: It’s not on the map!
England, France, Russia, and China: Typical American…

Russia: Fuu… but soon I might probably get to say goodbye to everyone…
France: Ah…?!
Russia: It make me pleasure smile to think how they will all be destroyed by my overwhelming power.
France: Ahhh….!!!!

Episode 10[edit]

Napoleon: There is nothing impossible! Now charge!
French Soldiers: Oh honhon!! Oh honhon! …AAAAAAHH!

[French “Army”]

England: Bravo! Those idiots fell right into my trap!
Napoleon: I’ve had enough. Please kill me.
France: This is terrible! I knew about the damn trap the entire time!! I’m sure that God was just gassy! Or something… but that is not the point! I am amazingly strong, and don’t you forget it!!!

Prussia: Hey Austria! It must suck balls to have Silesia taken away by force, huh!
France: UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~! Smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack smack!
Austria: You are an ASS!
France: You see? I really am the strongest after all!
Narrator: France… Their killer technique is… Profiting from the sidelines.
Germany: Ohh! So sorry to bother you when your busy, but would you put your hands up?

Holy Roman Empire: What’s a filthy rat doing in here?
Chibitalia: WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!
Holy Roman Empire: I guess I’ll have to get rid of it if I want to keep-a the peace in this house!! Hey rat, stop right there! How dare you run away from me! Stop it!

France: So Britain… I have something important to say to you. I would like… for you to marry me…
England: Uhhh…!

[To be continued]

Episode 11[edit]

America: Hey, Britain! Can I talk to you for a second?
England: Hey, no fair chewing on my sleeve, Uni! I’m too ticklish, so stop the snuggling! You’re naughty, Captain Hook; Tinkerbell’s not big enough! Take that big goofy kissy face to your little leprechaun friend, since he’s the only one who cares! Kidding! Seriously, you’re all nutburgers! What am I to do with you! Ahahahahahahahaha!

Italy: Germany! Good morning! Greet me the way I taught you! Ah… rgh ah… nn… nn… arrrghh… Nn… kiss… kiss me… kiss…
Germany: Rgh… Uh…… ok, fine…
Italy: Uh…
Italy’s thoughts: He is taller than me…! Darn…!

England: Uhhh…
France: I will say it one more time… I want you… to marry me…

[To be continued]

Episode 12[edit]

France: So Britain… I have something important to say to you. I would like… for you to marry me.
England: Uhhh…
Queue music:
England: That’s very funny, France. I don’t believe it’s April Fool’s Day yet. What’s the matter, old chap? You can’t even afford to buy a calendar anymore? Ahahahahahahaha…
France: You are wrong, mon ami. And this is not so funny.
England: Ahahaha… ahh…
England: Right; what the hell is wrong with you!?
France: Here. Take this.
England: That’s a marriage registration form, you idiot!!!
France: No it’s not. Can’t you see? It is a calendar!
England: Uh…uhhh…
France: It’s for you! It is a calendar!!
England: What’s come over you!? Unhand me, you foppish twit!!
France: Just sign it!
England: I will do no such thing! Argh!!!
France: I said sign it!!
England: No!!! Stop it!!
England: NOOO! I don’t know what you’re up to, but I don’t like it!
France: Look, I don’t want to be part of this either, but we don’t have much of a choice! Come on… blame the Suez Canal; that thing has put me close to bankruptcy! If I don’t get married to you right away, I overheard my boss saying that he would kill me! That would suck!!
France’s Boss Chibi Head: I will KILL you!
England: RGH! That’s still not a satisfactory reason to be wed! Have at you! Here’s what I think of your damn form!
France: NOOO! What are you doing!?!?
England: Now you’ll see. That’s what happens when you try to force people to marry you, frog! Hahahahahahahahahaha!
France: You brute! Dammit! Don’t you even care if I die?! Please, I’m begging you! You have to listen! I can become Britain’s quaint little French village if you want me to...! Come on; help me!!
England: I will not, fool! Why on earth would I ever want to marry you?! First of all, you need to learn to deal with and accept your failures. AHH…!
France: Oh hon… oh honhonhon…
England: Unhand me this instant you foul smelling wine lover! Release me! Let me go! Turn me loose! Why are you not listening to me, France?! Lessen that grasp! I said let go this minute! This is rather undignified!
France: Oh honhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhonhon…

[Drag, drag]


Germany: Count off!
Italy: Uno~!
Japan: 二. (Ni)
Germany: And I’m drei. Now, for the secret training! First scenario! What would you two do if you came across Britain, and were unarmed! Well? Spit it out, ja? What would you do!
Italy: Uhhh… I know! I’ll make a white flag with a stick and a handkerchief! And wave it around really fast! And then I’ll cry loudly and ask for help!
Germany: Dummkopf! If you do that, you will lose! Japan! Correct answer!
Japan: はい. (Hai) You should impersonate William I’s wail.

Germany: Sehr gut! Let us continue! Britain wants you to acknowledge his bastard child as your own! What do you do?
England: Hahahaha… stupid Germany. I’m SAS. When it comes to spying, no one is better than Britain! Cheers. Ha! That was all too easy. Now I shall observe your top secret training!
Germany: What do you do… if England is slowly closing in on you, while wiggling his ass and wearing a costume from rio's carnival?
England: AH!!!

Episode 13[edit]

Germany: Count off!
Italy: Just me!
Germany: It’s time to start our training! We will begin with the proper way to treat your subordinates.
Italy: Seig hiel! I mean… yes, sir!
Germany: Sehr gut. First, remember that other people are humans! You have to treat them with both kindness and respect!
Italy: With kindness! Right, Pookie?
Germany: But sometimes with discipline!
Italy: Discipline! Got it! Naughty Pookie naughty naughty naughty Pookie Pookie sweetie naughty naughty~! Ah, that really hurts! Help me, Germany! He’s attacking me! Make it stop!! Oh, it hurts so bad!
Germany: What is your problem, Italy?!

England: Damn them both! If I wasn’t bested by that [beep!] German blitzkrieg again!! Hehe… I let them beat me without much of a fight this time. But next time won’t be so easy. They don’t know it, but… I still have a top secret weapon left. More powerful than conventional bombs, even. Gentlemen, it is time to attack with black magic!
Gentlemen: Ooohh…
England: Hahahahaha! Germany will learn the power of the dark side, which fears no man- huh?!
America: Hey, England! What are you doing?
England: I say! Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?!
Gentleman: Where did you put the eye of newt?

England: I have summoned you from the depths of hell. SHOW YOURSELF!!!
Russia: You called?
England: …n…nn…n… I wasn’t calling you!!

Russia: When I look into all of your stupid faces… I think about how much fun it will be to pound them into dust…
France: I knew it...!!

Episode 14[edit]

Italian: The Germans have gone to bed!
Italy: Good! Let’s carry out our plan!
Italian Army: (running away noises)
Germany: How did they all defect so quickly?
German: Well, they are professionals, aren’t they?

Greece: Mmhmm!
Spain: Oh, seriously?
Greece: Mmhmm!
Spain: Oh, seriously?
Greece: Mmhmm!
Spain: Oh, seriously?

Germany: Ah, excusez-moi! I’ll have whatever you suggest!
France: Je vais!
Germany’s thoughts: It’s France!
France: Monsieur? It’s not too salty for you, is it? Would you like ketchup?
Germany: No thanks! Uh, this is fine!
Germany’s thoughts: Good! He doesn’t recognize me! Maybe my disguise isn’t half bad after all!
France: Ah… Pardon. Are you Germany?
Germany: Ah…!! How did you know?!?!

Episode 15[edit]

Japan: I can’t believe this! Put some clothes on at once; bare skin in public dishonors the ghost of your ancestor!
Italy: Now? But I’m hot and I’m Italian and all the chicks dig it! Why don’t you get naked?
Japan: I couldn’t possibly show a strange man my loin cloth! I am begging you to put some clothes on! I consider your deviant need to sleep in bed completely nude already!

I give up… Mr. Germany, you have to say something to him! Please!

Germany: Hm? Hey, Japan! Can I wash your back?
Japan: …No. It’s clean.

Germany: Und when your commander approaches?
Italy: I’ll salute him! Then ignore him, sing, eat, and go to bed like an Italian!
Japan: *sigh*
Germany: I only want you to salute!
Japan: 何… (Nani) Your strange western ways are confusing…
Germany: Right… well, don’t do what Italy does, ja?
Italy: You’ll be ok! How ‘bout a nice massage?
Japan: Please… stop touching me…

Germany: Next lesson! What do you do when your enemy tells you to surrender!
Italy: That’s an easy one, sir! Surrender immediately, kiss their butts, inform on our friends, sing, eat, and go to bed!
Germany: That’s the same thing you do to me! Japan!
Japan: Yes sir! I respond Japanese way! Be unclear! Say one thing, but mean something else completely opposite! Like, “I’ll think about it!” Lie to them!

Episode 16[edit]

China: (Sigh) Every single day, another power struggle… it’s exhausting… Ah… who is that? I’ve never seen him around here before… You must be a new country…! You’re so little… I’m sure it was rough on you to have been born in such a small place… You can call me China! If there’s something you don’t know, all you have to do is ask me! So, would you mind telling me your name?
Japan: こんにちは. (Kon’nichiwa) It’s nice to meet you, China where the sun sets. My name is Japan. I am from where the sun rises.
China: Ah…! Well that wasn’t very nice!

Epidsode 17: America's Cleaning Of The Storage, Part One[edit]

Lithuania: Mr. America… are you trying to clean up here? I-I’ll do it for you…!
America: Oh, no. That’s alright. It’s just a little shit cleaning; I can handle it. I need to see for myself what I should get rid of.
Lithuania: As you wish, sir. Kay… some coffee? I’ll go make some!
America: Thanks! That’d be cool!

Chibimerica: No way! Is it really ok for me to have it?!
England: Course it is… I did make it special just for you, America.
Chibimerica: Oh man! This is cool! Thanks, Mr. Britain sir!
England: Ehehehehe! Take good care of it! After all, I nearly broke my hand while I was piecing it together.
Chibimerica: Wowww… I’ve got my very own toy soldiers! You made all their faces different!
England: Mn… I painted each individual figure separately!

America: Nn… I’ll never wear this again… I should throw it out too… Boy! Going through all this old stuff sure could get me depressed…! Isn’t there anything worth saving? Hm… here’s something good! It’s old, but this thing saved my butt! I’ll keep this… ah… That scratch… Nn… that one time… it has to be…

Episode 18[edit]

Germany: It is said that long ago in this land, there lived a man who conquered the Mediterranean Sea, and gained all the world’s wealth. His name… was the Roman Empire. He had it all: the world’s wealth, fame, und vast land. The man who gained everything… one day he just… disappeared.

Germany: It seems they’re here.
Japan: はい, (Hai) I agree.
Italy: Say whaaaat?
Germany
The verdammt allies.
America: Hahahaha! Listen to me and my total hero voice, guys! China! I choose you!
China: Hwoah!
Italy: Uhh ohh… oh no!!! Please don’t hit me!!!! Or at least not in the face!!!!! I paid a ton of money to get that hook out of my nose…!! I mean it’s practically a work of art!! You wouldn’t have a (something), would you?
America: Great, we caught ‘em all!
Italy: Stop walkiiiiing! White flag, seeeee?! White flag! White flag!! Ah!
Allied Forces: Ah!
Germany and Japan: Ah…!
Rome: ♪Listen as I tell you what hell would be! To begin with, all the cooks would be British! The policemen would all be German! And the engineering would fall to the French! Your lover would unfortunately… be Swiss! And the bankers would be from… Italy! Yahoo! ♪
Italy: …Grandpa Rome!

Germany: They’re back again.
Japan: はい, (Hai) I agree.
Italy: Say whaaaat?
America: Hahahahahaha! Yeah, so we were interrupted by a dude/chick singing, but we’re not gonna fail this time! China! I choose you!
China: Hwoah!
Italy: PLEASE don’t hit me! Or at least not in the balls; I mean they just dropped and they’re very sensitive!! Uh!
Allies: Ah!
Germany and Japan: Ah…!
Rome: ♪ Listen now as I tell you what heaven would be! All the cooks would be the French! The policemen would all be British, obviously! Engineers would be German! The bankers would be from Switzerland! And of course your lover would naturally be Italian! Yahoo! ♪
Italy: …Grandpa Rome!

Episode 19[edit]

Canada: I’m right here… I wonder if they’ll pay attention if I make some noise... one day they’ll notice me…
Kumajirou: Who are you?
Canada: I’m Canada…!!
Narrator: Even after that, Canada’s turn never came.

Germany: Where are you going?! It’s no time to skip out on training!!!!
Italy: Britain is going to get meeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
Germany: Italy! For crying out loud, you need to learn to run this fast when you’re NOT in retreat!
Japan: So it was proven true that Italian tank advance sixty mile a week! But are somehow able to retreat at sixty mile a day when they see the British coming.

America: Dudes! It’s time to put a fork in this meeting, ‘cause it’s done! Everything discussed here is top secret. So please make sure that nothing we’ve talked about is leaked to anybody on the outside! Got it?
Italy: Got it!
America: Ah…
England: Aughauh…
France: Ahuahaha…
China: Uhh…
Russia: Ah...
Canada: Hahhhahahaha….
Italy: …….ve~…… One question! Are we gonna have-a food after this? Dinner’s got to be next! Even you guys have to eat! Is it time for us to eat? I wonder if it’ll be pasta! I hope you know how to make-a pasta! If not, I could show you how to make it right! Do you have some garlic?
England: Ooh! Ah!
France: …meeting!
China: Ah! I have my wok with me!
Germany: I guess Italy can’t handle being a spy…

Episode 20: Americas Cleaning Of The Storage, Part Two[edit]

Germany: Listen up! First, you must grip the grenade firmly! Then pull the pin out of it, und throw it with an overhand motion! Nn-yah! Throw it far enough to stay safe, but close enough to watch the other guy explode! Does that make sense to you?
Italy: Sì! I got it! Just you watch; I’ll own this bomb thing!
Germany: Ah… careful! It’s active now! Nn… Scheiße...!! HWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! What are you doing you carb-loading idiot?!?! Throw it already or you’re going to blow yourself into oblivion!!! Holy Mary Mutter Gottes!!!!

Young America: Hey, Britain! All I want is my freedom! I’m no longer a child! Nor your little brother! From now on, consider me... independent!!
England: NO-Aghhh... *heavy breathing* I won’t allow it! You idiot! Why can’t you follow anything through to the end!!
American General: Ready! Aim...!
England: There’s no way I can shoot you. I can’t! *crying* Why? Dammit, why?! It’s not fair!!
Young America: You know why...
England: Let’s go home...
Child America: Ha! Hehe!
Young America: What happened... I remember when you were great...
Lithuania: Ah... there you are, Mr. America!

Episode 21[edit]

Holy Roman Soldier: Holy Rome. As soon as you’re ready, we can get the heck out of here, ok?
Holy Roman Empire: Sì. It’s the last one.
Holy Roman Solder: Those paintings are-a stupid! Why don’t you just leave them here.
Holy Roman Soldier: Oh ho! Is this the painting of your little girlfriend or boyfriend or gender-neutral-chibi-thing?
Holy Roman Empire: It’s-a not like that…!

Sealand: Hello! I’m Sealand, the world’s smallest nation! I’m a very small country with only four citizens and just over 200 square meters! Those are like yards, which are like feet, only bigger! We also have cleaning supplies and a goat! Sometimes I ride the goat when swabbing the deck. And that is not a euphemism for anything. I’m actually an old abandoned British fort! After we were left here on our own, we crowned a prince, and he declared our independence! He also made a law we had to call him Super Larry! I may be small, but I’ve got a big heart! I’ve also got a big birthmark in the shape of a transistor radio, but I can’t show it to you. Currently, all we have to offer people is an official noble title, starting at £29 apiece. That’s cheap! You get to choose between being a lord, lady, baron, or baroness! Great Britain will rue the day they left us!
Sealander: We’ve got leaks over here too!
Sealand: Right away! I’ll be there next! My tape idea isn’t working!

Germany: Ok, I’m going to invade Russia. Take care of things while I’m off killing.
Italy: Please don’t! My medication’s wearing off!
Creepy Silhouettes: Mwahahahahaha!
Italy: It’s scary to be alone, and I can see their faces laughing at me!! Britain and France are on the march and are going to swallow me up like the tasty morsel that I am! Please don’t go!!! Grrr… I can’t be dependent on scary Mr. Germany for the rest of my life! I’ll show them the true Italy!
England: Hm?
Italy: Over here! I surrender! Look at me!
Italy’s thoughts: Quitting is hard work…! My arms are tired! Grr… Italia forever!

Episode 22[edit]

Holy Roman Empire: Please listen, Italy. There is something very important that I’ve been meaning to say to you! Nn… I’m-a sorry about everything… I’m-a leaving though, so you don’t have to be afraid anymore!
Chibitalia: Wait… what are you saying…?
Holy Roman Empire: I have to go away now…
Holy Roman Soldier: Holy Rome, are you-a ready?
Holy Roman Empire: Sì. Well… see you around. Take-a good care of yourself…
Chibitalia: Ah…! Are you really leaving…
Chibitalia’s thoughts: But… I don’t want you to go, Holy Rome…!
Chibitalia: Oh no, don’t go!!! Please!!! What’ll I do without you!!! Don’t leave me!!! No!!!
Holy Roman Empire: Hm…?
Chibitalia: Here… take this with you. Maybe… it will help you think of me… and then… then you won’t forget about me…
Holy Roman Empire: Mm? Oh. A push broom… but, why would that remind me of you…? Ah…!!
'Italy: … mm… sì, grazie! I would be honored to have your push broom!
Holy Roman Soldier: Uh… why a push broom?
Holy Roman Soldier: Who knows…
Holy Roman Empire: Hm… I… I feel like I should give you something too… what do… what do people do at your home if they like-a someone?
Chibitalia: Hm? Um… kiss, I think…
Holy Roman Empire: Kiss… I see… I’ve-a liked you for a very long time… it’s been since at least the tenth century…
Chibitalia: Oh… really…?
Holy Roman Empire: Yes, really. I wouldn’t lie to you…
Chibitalia: Yay! That’s happy!
Holy Roman Empire: …..hm… well, I’m off… be careful… when this war finally ends, I promise I’ll come and see you again…!
Chibitalia: Ok then! I’ll miss you! I’ll be waiting!! I’ll make you lots of treats for when you-a get back!! Don’t get sick! Try not to get injured or die violently either! I know we see each other again…! I know we will!! I know it!!!
Holy Roman Empire: No matter how much time-a may pass, you’ll always be my most favorite in the whole world!!!

Episode 23[edit]

Switzerland: No…! Why, Liechtenstein?! Why did you cut all of your hair off?!
Liechtenstein: Oh, big brother! There you are! Do you like my hair!
Liechtenstein: I found it a change…! I think I look very sophisticated!
Switzerland: You cut your hair just like mine! So of course I can’t say it looks bad, but do you want everyone to assume you’re a little boy?! What were you thinking?!
Liechtenstein: I love the way yours looked… I thought it’d be nice on me…

Italy: Ah, I ate some really weird British pizza the other day… it kinda tasted like fish and vinegar!
Germany’s thoughts: He’s supposed to be a descendant of mighty Rome, so it’s not a problem with his genetics…
Italy: Look, Germany! Someone’s teaching a lesson!
Professor: The flavonoids in tomatoes cause those who ingest too much to become unnaturally good humored but pathetically weak. However, our latest research has but cracked the surface of this phenomenon.
Italy: That’s funny! That professor doesn’t know it but he just said “butt crack!” Hehehehehehe…
Germany: Now I see…

Episode 24[edit]

Germany: If we could have free beer like this forever, then I guess this predicament isn’t too bad after all!
Japan: Mr. Germany, I will buy your beer if we can swallow our pride, and simply ask Mr. China to allow us to go with him next time he leave to procure food!
Italy: Yeah! I wanna get some pasta too!

Episode 25[edit]

Child America: Mmm!! I was wondering; since I’ve only ever eaten foreign food from Britain… is this what French food tastes like?
England: How absurd!!! I mean… everyone knows that British food is far superior to that French slob!

Episode 26[edit]

America: Check it out, yo! How kickass is my new fighter plane of doom? Dude! It blowin’ your mind yet or what?
England: (big sigh) I don’t get it. Why did you call me all the way out here just to look at a silly airplane? (^ω^) *chuckle* (^ω^) It’s just ~(^ω^) Stupid (^ω^)~ I could never have come up with the same design. I think it’s ~(^ω^) Stupid (^ω^)~ Very unique. Haha.
America: Hey, thanks man! It was actually created to help me beat the holy hell out of you, so I’m glad you think it’s top!
England: Wha…!!
American: Scuse me. But wasn’t that information supposed to stay a secret?
America: It sure was!

England: Busby’s chair. Long ago, Thomas Busby viscously beat a man to death for sitting in this, his favorite chair. After being convicted of murder, he reportedly cursed the chair on his way to the gallows. He swore anyone who sat in his chair would suffer the same fate he was about to face. It is said… the chair is responsible for sending over 60 people to their deaths! I’ve got it now! I’ll switch America’s chair with Busby’s during the meeting! America won’t be able to jive talk his way out of this one! Hahaha! I can’t believe I didn’t think of cursing him like this sooner! Hehehehe… eheheheheheh......ah?!
Russia: Oh! Доброе утро, (Dobroye utro) Britain! You’re here kind of early today, aren’t you? *the chair explodes*
England: Ah…!!! Eugh……… Busby’s chair… anyone who sits in this chair will be cursed with a quick and often painful death. Except, apparently, for Russia…

England: Uh….. am I Catholic… or Protestant…? God, I don’t know…!
Bartender: Scuse me. Is he ok?
America: He always gets like this when he starts drinking-
England: You don’t know me! I’m the United Bloody Kingdom and I can hold my liquor better than you any day!
America: Dude, calm down!
England: Shut up! I felt bad about how the way old Frog-Face was treating you so I saved your ass! I thought, maybe we could be friends and bond over our mutual hatred for France but uh-uh!
England: You didn’t wanna be friends with me!!! You just wanted to tell me what to tell you what to do and you didn’t know what to do anyway! I think that’s total bollocks!

Germany: It seems they’re here.
Japan: はい, (Hai) I agree.
Italy: Say whaaaat?
Germany: The verdammt allies.
America: Hahahaha! Listen to me and my total hero voice, guys! China! I choose you!
China: Hwoah!
Italy: I give up!!! Please don’t hit me!! Because I’m delicate and I bruise like a summer peach!!! And I think your hair is really cool….!! Uh…
Allies minus England: Ah!
England: Hahahahahahahahaha… hahahahahahahaha…
France: That’s Busby’s chair…!
America: I don’t know what that means…
China: It’s a chair that’s been cursed…!
England: Correct. Does anyone here have the courage to sit down in this accursed chair?
Russia: Ah, comfy!
England: No! What the hell are you doing?! It’s not supposed to be YOU!!! Get out of there RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Season 2[edit]

Episode 27[edit]

America: Dude, dude! You’ve gotta see what I found!
England, France, Russia and China:: Hm?
America: It’s Germany’s secret military journal!

Episode 28: :) In The World[edit]

Italy: Perfecto! We should do that thing!
Germany: That thing?
Japan: Which is what?

Germany: Persistent bastards!
Japan: They’re back again!
Italy: *hyperventilating*
America: Listen to me and my total hero voice, guys! China! I choose you!
China: Hwoah!
Italy: Uhh ohh… oh no!!! Please don’t hit me!!!! Or at least not in the face!!!!! I paid a ton of money to get that hook out of my nose…!! I mean it’s practically a work of art!!
America: Great, we caught ‘em all!
Italy: Stop walkiiiiing! White flag, seeeee?! White flag, white flag, white flag!! Ah!
Finland: Merry Christmas! Surprise! I’ve come from Finland to deliver Christmas to you all! It’s wonderful, is it not? Ahaha! Ahahahaha!
England: What the bloody hell is that?!
China: It’s some lunatic flying around in a crazy foolish plane!
Russia: Hahahahahaha!
Italy: Hey there, Santa! It’s good to see you! Ahahahahahahaha!
America: Dude, you’re out of control; how many people do you know?
Finland: And it’s good to see you, Italy! I got your letter! So here’s your gift! I made sure to bring presents for everyone else as well! Enjoy!

England: …how about a ceasefire… at least for the holiday…
Germany: Agreed…
Finland: And God bless us everyone! Ho ho ho!
Italy: Buon Natale! Merry Christmas!!!!
Axis and Allies: Merry Christmas!!!!

Episode 29[edit]

[Russia and China are in a plane above the Russian border]

Russia: Ok... So all I have to do is jump out of this plane and attack them, right?
China: That's right. Put on your parachute now.
Russia: Don't be silly! There's plenty of snow on the ground. It'll break my fall because it's soft.
China: What? I don't think that's right!
Russia: I am Russian! I know everything about snow. Well, see you around! [jumps out of the plane] Vodkaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

:Queue music

France: Hey, see this? It says here Russia broke his back jumping from a plane without a parachute.
England: Hm... Oh yeah? HEY! Why don't you go surrender to the maid or invent some new cheese?! Why are you here?!
France: Because. I like to mess with your needlework.

Episode 30: The Ghost Culture Of England And Japan[edit]

England: Hey Japan. Have you heard that child making so much noise?
Japan: I have not. I am sorry… how odd. I live alone, you know.
Japan’s thoughts: Strange… I’m sure it’s just the long trip. He must be hallucinating out of exhaustion.
Japan: So Britain… perhaps you should take a bath and go get some rest.
England: Hah… Japan has been acting more than a bit unusual this evening… I’m sure it’s simply a cultural difference. I hope I didn’t do anything offensive, though…

Japan: So Britain… you were in the bath quite a long time…
England: Yes… well, I was a bit distracted while chatting with the two blokes that were already in there.
Japan: What…?!
England: Well… I’m off to bed now.
Japan: Ok… goodnight, then…I live alone… who on Earth is he talking about?!

Kappa: I guess you could see we feel as if we’ve overstayed our welcome. But… it was a pleasure for us to spend our last hours here with you.
England: I see…
Kappa: Take care, “gov’na!” Nice to meet you!
England: Hey! We should still get together for a bath again someday!
Kappa and Youkai: Yes! That would be wonderful!
Zashiki-Warashi: (laughing again)
England: Ah…? Hwaah!! Uh! England: Ahhhh ha! You were the one making the noise! Stop right there! Hey! What are you?! Damn, you’re fast! Come back here, you little…!
Japan: Ah…! So Britain is insane…! How many times do I have to tell him I live alone…
England: You’re not one of those little children from those horror movies, are you? Ah! AHH! GYAAAAH!!!

Episode 31: Academy Hetalia Christmas[edit]

Russia: December 25th is just like any other day at my house, да? (da) Our big winter celebration is called Epiphany! On January 7th, when the Wisemen visited the baby Jesus. But instead of that story we teach kids a version of pagan belief using a guy called Дед Мороз. (Ded Moroz) Or, Father Frost, who performs witchcraft if you make dolls of him!
Italy: Wow, that’s amazing!
Russia: Tradition says that those dolls will start moving after 25 days!
Ded Moroz Doll: ROOOOOAR!
Germany: What the hell?! Christmas is freaking crazy in Russia…!
Italy: Please hold meeee!

Germany: Recycling, hey? A good use of natural resources.
Italy: I’ve done that! One time, I re-ate the cat food!

Germany: It’s just… do you have any plans for Christmas Eve…?
Japan: Ah… well, I’m free!
Italy: Heil Jesus in Deutschland!
Germany: Ah…
Italy: Haaahahahaaa!
Germany: So… it’s the same old group again this year, huh?
Italy: I’m really looking forward to it, ‘cause your present didn’t die this year!
Japan: I sense this is going to be very uncomfortable…

England: EEEEEEUGH!
Japan: Oh, good. You’re here. I thought I lost you! Tell us all about Christmas in Britain.
England: Eh… uh… uwawawa… uwawawawa…

Episode 32: With Grandpa Rome[edit]

Germany: Ah…
Rome: Whaaaat? You’re kidding me; this can’t-a be Italy’s ally. Get out!
Germany: Who the hell do you think you are?!
Rome: Oh please! What kind of fool does not recognize this greatness when they see it? My sculpture like-a beauty should give it away! Wait, check this side! I’m-a so Roman Empire, supreme-a ruler of all! Ah…!
Germany: Get out! Imposter! What are you up to!? I know the Roman Empire, and you sir, are no Roman Empire!
Rome: I am-a too him!
Germany: Silence! Just shut up and answer my question! Who are you!?
Rome: Nice! I’m-a so hungry! Nom… I am the Roman Empire.
Germany: With that kind of attitude my only option is to shoot you in the head!

Rome: I came-a to see my little Italy pumpkin…
Germany: Wait a minute! How the holy Führer did he get into my bed?!
Rome: My little grandson… so cute!!

Rome: So tell me, what kind of a man doesn’t have a woman in-a bed with him every night?
Germany: Achtung…
Rome: When I was-a your age, I had a plethora of lovely ladies around me! Oh, are you not into girls?
Germany: I will punch you in the throat!!
Rome: Come on-a now; don’t be so sensitive! No one here’s-a judging you! There’s nothing wrong with playing for another team! And everyone likes to experiment a little, except me, of course.
Germany: You sound just like France…
Rome: Well, there’s always a bit of the self-a love, is there not?

Rome: Can you believe I was-a ever that small… first, Carthage fell, and then others died. Good times! Ah, memories…! I just ate, had sex, fought, had sex, and slept every day!
Germany: In the year 753 BC… Rome is said to have been founded by Romulus and Remus, who were raised by a wolf.
Rome: Ah…!
Germany: Then, around 509 BC, you banished the king and made the country a republic. Afterwards, you won land utilizing law und military power. Italy was unified in 272 BC. Only then did you extend your power throughout the Mediterranean Sea. Then you defeated Carthage.
Rome: No way…! You’re right! Get out of here; you’re a fan, aren’t you? You’re-a my fan!
Germany: No… I-I’m not… I just have respect for you-
Rome: Of course! Respect away, then! Have as much respect for me as you want; I’m so moved! You have-a touched an old man, my friend!!
Italy: Ve…

Episode 33[edit]

Italy: Hey, Germany!
Germany: Duah!
Italy: A shooting star! Wowww!
Germany: Ah…
Italy: I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home! I wish Britain would get a headache and go home!
Germany: What do you think you’re doing?
Italy: Stars are magical! If you make a wish on one, it has to come true!
Germany: I can’t believe that you’re really this naïve. A headache won’t make Britain go back home! Go to bed before I beat you even senselesser.
Italy: And you…?
Germany: I can’t go to bed. Someone has to stand guard for us.
Italy: Hey! Would you wake me up when it’s my turn to play guard? Buona notte!
Germany: Ja, ja, gute Nacht.
Germany’s thoughts: Man, he’s so high maintenance!
Germany: Mm? Another…
Germany’s thoughts: I wish Italy would be cured of being a pussy. Please, make it so he doesn’t smell like garlic all the time…! Und, if you could make him a little less cheery every day und a little more serious like me. Also, teach him to drive, bathe, worry, and frown. It might also be good to have him split the atoms so we could make a weapon of unparalleled destruction.

England: Righto! So we’ll make an all-out attack on those two tomorrow! In terms of the sheer numbers of soldiers, there’s no way they could possibly—ahhh….!!
America: Britain totally got a star stuck in his head! That’s badass! Hahaha!

Man: It was reported that Britain went home because of a headache…!
Italy: Ah?!
Germany: Huh?!

Episode 34[edit]

Japan: The son of Mr. Yoshida—he’s a bento shop owner—made Axis themed lunches for us. Would you like one? He actually made them specifically with our three countries in mind. Mine has rice with a pickled plum on top!
Italy: Yucky; that sounds tasteless! So, what does mine have in it?
Japan: Yours is pasta with a lovely stewed tomato sauce. For dessert, some zuccotto.
Italy: Yeah!! That sounds good!
Germany: Do I get some…?
Japan: Of course you do! You are a part of the mighty Axis as well! For you.
Germany: Ah….ah…

Tōgō Heihachirō: Hey Japan, what are you making for dinner tonight?
Japan: I’m cooking potatoes in broth along with fresh mountain vegetable.
Tōgō: I had some beef stew at Britain’s house once. Can we have that instead?
Japan: What?? You want me to make British food? But it is so bland!
Tōgō: Thanks! I knew you’d do it!
Japan: What kind of fool want food from Britain when they could have something delicious I make. I can make better stew than Britain! I have the finest palette in the world! I am not certain how to make, but it will be better than anything from that tasteless island! Let me see, I will need beef, potato, a carrot… what else… a noodle! Soy sauce to make brown… wait, this doesn’t look right!!

Sir, stew is complete…!

Tōgō: See? I knew you could do it!
Japan: I apologize if it is not correct.

England: So it WAS you.

China: You an ass!

Episode 35[edit]

France: Hey there, Greece…! What’s up with the digging? Pirate booty?
Greece: Nh… these are the ruins of Olympia, where they used to hold the sacred sporting festival called the Olympics. This very spot was where the stadium used to stand… it was so important they’d even postpone wars during it… my mother taught me all about it…
France: Ah… wow; as fascinating as that must be to you—
Greece: It’s freaky…
France: Euh…
Greece: My mother could have watched these games back in their heyday… in a way… that’s not possible… oh, ah… hey France, want to hear something weird?
France: Huh?
Greece: Women weren’t allowed to enter in the Olympics, and the men had to compete completely naked.
France: What an incredible event!! I wish I could have seen it!!! I have an idea!! Let’s start having the Olympics again!!!

England: AHHHHHHHH!!!!! You forgot… to clothe yourself! Nhhhnhhhhnhhhhh…
France: Quoi… oh, Britain! You need to get into the spirit of things! This is the Olympics! You’re still so stuck in your Victorian heritage…
England: Hwuaaaaa….
France: Take off your silly clothes. Or I’ll have to take them off for you!
England: Waaa! Unhand me right now…!!! I will not lay back and let you defile me, you smelly French paint dogger!!
France: Oh honhon! Looks like Big Ben is a Small Sam today! Uh…
Switzerland: You should know better than to force a Brit into nudity.
Narrator: I’m almost certain this would be a good idea nowadays. Think about it; naked men fighting, wrestling, hocking—ok, maybe not hocking, but for all its power, the male form is rendered kinda silly when naked. Especially naked throwing a javelin…
France: I am just trying to recreate the spirit of ancient Greece…!
Police Officer: Put a sock in it, Froggy.

Episode 36: Why Americans Love Spring[edit]

America: Stupid winter. I’m gonna boycott you until you go away.

Episode 37[edit]

Italy: Russia and Germany are getting acquainted and devious before Germany takes over the world! So Russia’s coming for a visit! La laaaa~
Hitler: Ah! You over there in the beer garden! Put down that… shtein (I think it just becomes nonsense from here on out)
Italy: I don’t know what he’s saying, but it sure sounds crazy, and that must mean Russia is important!
Hitler: You idiot; do you hear what I’m telling youuuuu!?
Germany: Ja, ja…

Lithuania: Ehehe I guess you could be right…! Your uniforms either make you look like a security guard or like a figure skater! Everything you have is either stiff or simply too fabulous.
Russia: Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol…
Lithuania: Of course I could be wrong and maybe stiff figure skaters are all the rage this year!!
Russia: …kolkolkolkolkolkolkol…

Episode 38[edit]

Japan: Everyone is here; let us start!
Italy: I’m here, I’m here!
Germany: I’m present as well.
Russia: What about China? I think it’s most definitely China~
England: It’s not China, Russia, you just want it to be!

Canada (Sealand): Sure he’s right, you British jerk of jerks!
England: I was right; it’s Sealand!!
Sealand: UWAAA How did you figure it out; I curled my hair and everything!!
Sealand: That stung, you bully! And not only was it unnecessary, it was quite rude.
England: Why don’t you just go home and watch anime…

Episode 39: The Battle For America, Part One[edit]

England: Uh, why are you suddenly so hung up on appearances! Our looks don’t define us!
France: That’s right! Rather than being so focused on outward appearances you should be plumbing the pipes of this young boy’s heart!
Finland: Uhhh…

Chibi America: Mm! Then I guess I’ll call you big brother!
England: Ah…
England’s thoughts: Me…? “Big brother…?”
Scotland: *shown as a bird, hitting him on the head repeatedly* Yo, worthless little brother! Huh?! How does that feel!
France: Starting today, you’re my servant!
Spain: You’re not moving in on my land!
Man: Excuse me. This is from your big brother. *holding a curse*
King Henry VIII: If I want a new wife, I’ll have one! I just have to start a whole new church. Big deal.
England’s thoughts: Ah… I’m a… big brother…?
England: Well now… don’t be so formal! How ‘bout you call me England?

Episode 40: : The Battle For America, Part Two[edit]

England: Hey, don’t you have something better to do than just stand around?
Englishman 1: No, not really.
Englishman 2: (whistling)
Englishman 3: …uh…
England: Right… that’s what I figured… my people suck.
Chibi America: Ah…
France: Oh honhonhonhonhonhonhonhon! Oh honhonhonhonhon

Episode 41[edit]

Franklin D. Roosevelt: Hey man. What do you think it would take for someone to kill your morale?
America: If the enemy came in and effed up Lady Liberty, that would suck!
Roosevelt: That’s it! Mt. Fuji! Japan’s symbol of national pride! We can paint the whole thing red and every time they look at it, they know these colors don’t run!

Roosevelt: Ok. Pay attention; I want you to order 25 cm condoms in bulk from Russia.
America: That’ll be hysterical! Hey, Russia, dude! Think you could make me 25 cm condoms?
Russia: Wha? I don’t think we’ve ever made them that size…!
America: This comes straight from my boss, so you better get on it! Thanks, dude!
Russia: Uhhh… I suppose we could figure out a way to make them… man… I feel a little sad…

Roosevelt: Hey, our party favors from Russia are here!
America: Ha… ah… that’s strange; the box they sent us is labeled extra small!
Roosevelt: What?! Wait, how long is 25 cm anyway…?!

Italy: Germany! Britain says you’re just pretending to be my friend…!!
Germany: Huh?
England: You weren’t supposed to go and tell him about it!!
Germany: Ah… uhhh…
Italy: Ohh… nn… nnn…
Germany: Mn… lies. They’re not true. Actually… Ich liebe dich… ja…
England: Uhhhh…
Italy: Bello rioso; I knew it wasn’t true! I’m too pretty!
England: Ahahaha…. Ahaha… hahaha… haha…
France: Hang in there…
England: It’s just so frustrating… you know what I mean...?
France: Their friendship makes absolutely no sense, old friend.

Episode 42[edit]

Russia: Oh, Привет! (Privet) I’m Russia. I’d like to be introducing my big and little sister now. First, please say hello to my big sister, Ukraine. She’s nice, but not much to look at. This is my little sister, Belarus! She’s pretty, not nice. The important thing is they are both very weird! …..so werid….. so weird….. so weirddd… *crying*
England: A-Ah! Oh no! What’s wrong with Russia?! This is a sign something really scary is about to happen!

Russia: This is Ukraine. When I say big sister, I mean BIG sister. Apparently, her breasts are so giant they make her back hurt. Also… she’s poor, so those are real! Big sister, we came to collect the gas payment!

Episode 43[edit]

Russia: (Sigh)… I wonder when things started changing between us… I remember we used to be so close…
Chibi Russia: It’s cold, huh…
Chibi Belarus: Ye…
Chibi Ukraine: Hold on! This should do the trick!
Chibi Russia: Ah…
Chibi Ukraine: Here! So I can always keep you warm! It makes you look so handsome!
Chibi Russia: But sis! This is your favorite scarf, isn’t it?
Chibi Belarus: Nooooooo!
Chibi Ukraine: All I ask is for control from the Black Sea to Poland! Ahahaha!

[Inheritance rights to Kievan Rus]

Chibi Russia: My sister’s a total nut job…!
Russia: Ok. I guess we weren’t that close.
Belarus: Grr!

Episode 44[edit]

Switzerland: Would you please try and focus; this is important! You need to be careful of wild animals. They may look cute, but you can never be sure what they might do! Some of them have sharp fangs readied with poison so they can kill you! And if you decide to take one in, don’t take just one because they deserve to have friends!
Liechtenstein: Ah ha…..
Switzerland: Ah…!

America: Dude, why are you taking a picture of a cake!
Japan: I have compulsive need to take picture of everything.

Canada: Listen to me, America…! I wanted to let you know something, mister! You’ve caused me a lot of trouble, and I’ve had enough of it!
America: Hm? Sup, Canadia?
Canada: Oh, nothing! It’s uh… a beautiful day today, isn’t it?
America: …..hahaha! Of course it is, dude! Now why’d you really come here? (Chainsaw~)
Canada: I… just wanted to chat! But it’s nothing important or anything; don’t worry about it… Uh… it’s just… you know how you like to boss everybody around? Well they always think I’m you so they take it out on me… I don’t suppose you would reconsider being the asshole of the world, would you?
America: Huh? (Chainsaw~)
Canada: Ahhhhhh!!!! Gotcha! Just kidding! I was so totally joking with you just then, America…! Wasn’t that funny…?
America: When I said “huh,” I meant I couldn’t hear you! What’d you say, brah?
Canada: I said I love how we’ve become best friends! And that’s all! I failed; he’s just so strong and so loud….!
Kumajiro: Who are you?
Canada: I’m Canada…!!

Episode 45[edit]

Liechtenstein: Nom! Nom nom…
Switzerland: Do you like it?
Liechtenstein: Yes; thank you!
Liechtenstein’s: From that day forward, he always took good care of me. How come you aren’t eating anything?
Switzerland: Oh, because I had dinner earlier… I ah, hope you’re feeling better?
Liechtenstein: Nh, yes… I’m fine now.

Episode 46: Medieval England's Clothes And Hair[edit]

France: Hello, Britain! You are looking as ugly and short as ever. Tell me, how long do you plan on being the Plain Jane of the world? Oh honhonhonhon!
Chibirisu: You shut your froggy mouth! Besides, the church would never want me to grow my hair out like you because I’m not a big sissy girl!
France: You are also very stupid; everyone who is anyone wears their hair long! All the ladies love it! The men too! You cannot resist this hair!
Chibirisu: Why are you always such a damn wanker?!
France: Alright you jealous boy, good luck not being such a loser! Adieu! Oh honhonhonhonhonhon!
Chibirisu: What? He only came here to taunt me?! Bugger off!! I’m not jealous of your shait hair, you snail slurper! Don’t ever show your face around here again, Rapunzel!! Nh… Nh… see…? I look just fine…! Right…?
Bishop: Cut it!! I said cut your hair!! Cut it off!!!

Episode 47[edit]

Austria: From the uber metro emotional display… I assume you said goodbye to Holy Rome?
Chibitalia: What…?
Austria: Nothing! I was just talking to myself…
Chibitalia: Ah…
Austria: Italy…
Chibitalia: Ah?
Austria: You should really take the day off. If you go around like this it’s only going to depress us.
Chibitalia: Ah… yes sir…
Hungary: Ha…!

Poland: Yeah… I already heard about it from Lithuania. So… no. Wasting my life in European politics would make me gassy! Oh! I’m thinking about painting my house a wicked hipster pink! It’d make Romania so jealous!
France: Uh…uhh… Oh dear Lord, he’s even dumber than the last time; he’s never going to understand!!

Poland: Look, I’m not a dweeb. I know I’ve got to front it A-style when it’s game time!
Pony: Neigh!
Poland: Yo ‘sup playa! I got the good deal on 10,000 ponies to add to my arsenal, right? Picture it! They’ll shoot right over our heads!
England: Ah!!
France: Ahh!!

Episode 48[edit]

America: Rumor has it that you were mortally wounded; is that true!? I blame Germany!!
England: No… you must not… I was in the process of creating our new weapon called the panjandrum, when… well, you know how drunk the Scots like to get.
America: Dude! No way! Come on, man! Hang in there, please! You can’t just die!! You still owe me a crap-ton of money!
England: Listen to me… we spent too much of our time fighting… but I want you to know… (heavy breathing)… I don’t hate you… I know it must have seemed that way… (heavy breathing) the truth is, um…

England: Uhhhhhhh…!!!
America: See? I told you he’d wake up if we did that!

Episode 49[edit]

France: Ahhchoo! Ugh…
Japan: Ah…achoo!
France: Oh man, I’ve got a stinking head cold!
Japan: Oh, man, I’ve got a stinky head cold…
France: Huh? Wow, this guy France is totally super cool! He’s like the best ever!
Japan: Wow, this guy France is totally super--ah...!!

Canada: (sigh)… hey, Mr. Kumajirou? Why doesn’t anybody ever remember who I am…?
Kumajirou: Hmm… who are you?
Canada: I’m Canada, your owner…!
Kumajirou: Hmm… it’s hard to tell who you are! You should try to look more Canadian.
Canada: Great idea! I just have to change my appearance so it’s completely unmistakable who I am! And that’s why I ended up tattooing a maple leaf on my forehead!
America: Yup… you sure did… hehe…
Canada: This way I’ll never be mistaken for America—augh….!! That’s weird… did something just happen to me?
America: Hahaha! I saved you from a life of ridicule!

Episode 50[edit]

America: Sup dudes; I’m America! I came here to teach my new friend a game! For reals, y’all, Japan and I are homies!
Japanese Boy: Wow… a real foreigner…
Japanese Girl: Why is he so loud…
Japan: Ah…

Episode 51[edit]

Germany: Hey, Italy! You’re going to be late for morning training! ... I once killed a man in his sleep with his own mustache and a grape.
Italy: Ah!! Fine, I’m up, I’m up!

America: Japan… do you wanna watch a video with me? It’s really short…!
Japan: It’s not another scary movie, is it…?
America: So freaking scary! There’s no way I’m watching it alone!
Tony: Wawawawawawawawawawa

Episode 52[edit]

France: I recognize him from his sexy hair, because it is so much like my own! But not as cool.
England: Are you trying to imply there might be something wrong with my hair, sir?!
France: I don’t know! That depends on if you think looking like a punk is wrong!

Cuba: Hey. You.
Canada: Oh no!! I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry!!
Cuba: No, uh… I wanted to say sorry. For yesterday.

Canada: You know, I wonder why people wear Hawaiian shirts in Cuba!
Cuba: Hey! America?! The hell are YOU doing here!?
Canada: But I’m Canada!!

Chibitalia: By any chance do you serve pasta he-
Austria: No we don’t.

Season 3[edit]

Episode 53[edit]

Prussia: The stupid anime writers have no idea what they are doing. Germany gets all the screen time und the jokes that get beeped! I’m awesome Prussia, not some bit player like France. That’s it. Since I’m already pissed anyway, I’ll just torment these guys instead. The great Prussia will unleash secret weapon kept hidden all this time. That’s right! A diary. One I’ve been writing in like a silly junior high girl since time began! Nobody has escaped my covert condescension. Hehe! You may have tried to bury past humiliations, but they’ll all be dug up by me!


Chibi Prussia: I am awesome! Shout that I am awesome! Kneel down and cry!
Chibi Hungary: You were only gone for six seconds! There’s no way!
Chibi Prussia: To reward Prussia for being so awesome, I’m going to give myself… all of Burzenland!!
Chibi Poland: Ah?
Chibi Prussia: I would recommend that you stay far away from Hungary. That guy has some serious anger issues! Und he is a crackpot.
Prussia: Hehehehehehe… I was so cute when I was younger. Oh, heck, I still am!

Romano: Look here, Germany, I’ve got something dinkish to say to you!
Germany: Ja? Go ahead, then.
Romano: My brother and I have finally patched things up and gotten back together, but because of you it’s falling apart! He just walks around saying “Germany! Ah, Germany!” so stay away from him or there’s going to be trouble, ok?! The German people are so backwards and judgmental. Just looking at them makes me feel-a barfy.
Germany: Please don’t hurl on me. But just so you know… a quick study of ancient lineage will show you that your brother has a lot of the German blood within him.
Romano: You’re taking that back!! I am so punching your ear! Visualize that kind of pain, Fritzy!
Germany: Why is it always like this with you!?

Canada: Nnnnnnnn!! My grandma taught me the true spirit of the maple leaf, and it’s in her honor I now defend, you stupid hoser!
America: Your grandma sounds hot!

Episode 54[edit]

Greece: I found something interesting and I wanted you to be the first to see it. It’s cool. Just like you.
Japan: It’s amazing! They said you had discovered ruins, but I had no idea…!
Greece: Yeah. I didn’t either. I found this stone bench thing I can sleep on whenever I want.
Japan: Ah… is this not ancient remnants of your mother’s city?
Greece: Mhm… and you can sleep right next to me.
Japan: Ahh… hah… excellent joke. You got me. For second I thought you were serious—wha..!
Greece: Zzzzz....

Greece: Behold! The guy with the crazy eyes is Zeus. He was king of the gods.
Japan: Yes, I know. Even I am familiar with this great man. His wife was extremely insane.
Greece: Yeah. Zeus was pretty much like a typical Greek man. ‘Cause he had a bunch of lovers, and really didn’t care who knew about it.

Episode 55[edit]

Greece: Look… I’m a big cat! Don’t you want to scratch my belly?
Japan: You need to seek professional help.

Turkey: Oh whoopee?! He says my mask is retro cool but not hipster chic!
Greece: Oh yeah? He still likes me the best.
Turkey: In your dreams!
Greece: Wrong.
Turkey: You bite me!
Greece: No way.
Turkey: He likes me best!
Greece: No. Is me.
Turkey: I’m going to crush you!
Japan: Wait! I think I am the only one who really knows who it is!
Turkey: Grrr!
Greece: Ah…
Turkey: Which one is it, Jappy!
Greece: Which one is it, Japan?
Japan: Uh… N..nh… Rock paper scissors for it?
Turkey: Roshambo?!

Episode 56[edit]

Lithuania: Duah…! GUAAAAAAAHHHH!!! I HATE HIM SO MUCH!!
Estonia: Whaaat?! Not me!!

Lithuania: Hi, Poland? It’s me, Lithuania—
Poland: Are you kidding me right now?! Do you know how freaking early it is here?! Somebody I know better be dead and/or leaving me a ton of cash in their will!
Lithuania: Neither, but it’s still important. Russia is coming to get you!!!
Poland: What??? No… why would he attack?? You sure? No!!! That is totally not cool, man; Russia’s a big psycho!! This is balls! I scheduled poker game for Saturday night!!

Poland: Nomnomnomnomnomnomnom yay! Eating paluszki always puts things in perspective! Yeah… nomnomnomnomnomnom… well, Polish snacks are the best! Nom! Nomnomnomnom… ah…
Lithuania: ‘scuse me! Do you remember the whole Russian death march talk?
Poland: Huh? Boy, you really are the big wussy! I took on Germany alright in case you have forgetting. It’ll be fine!
Lithuania: I was there to back you up on that one! You always lose when you fight alone!
Poland: I’ve got some () knocking at the back door! I’ll ring you later! Peace!
Lithuania: No! Come on! Where did you going? Did you hang up?! You need me! You dumbassss…

Lithuania: Ok, how do things look with Olandpay? Nnh… Ussianray… oldiersay?

Episode 57[edit]

Russia: Hooray! I have won it again! Russia is the best in all of the world!
Lithuania: Damn you… Russia…!
Russia: Huh? Hey. I like you, Lithuania, so you may stay at my place if you would like to.
Lithuania: What…?!
Russia: I am joking; you do what I say because I win! I wish you saw your face when I made the joke. Hilarious!
Lithuania: I don’t want to go… no!! Poland, help!! Please, wake up!!
Poland: Nh… ah…
Lithuania: Poland, I’m needing the helps! He’s taking me away!! WAHH!!
Poland: I wish you could see your face right now; it is hilarious~!
Lithuania: (wakes up) Guah…! POLAND YOU ARE A TRAITOR AND A BAD FRIENNNDDDD!!!!
Estonia: Why are you yelling?!
Latvia: Stop yelling!!

Poland: Ya?
Lithuania: Hi, this is Lithuania! Have you perhaps started getting ready yet?
Poland: Riiiiight, yeah of course right. Yeah I am all over the getting ready for things.
Lithuania: Good, talk about a relief! I was so worried last night… I even had nightmare!
Poland: I figured that I could put an engine on my place and then fly it on over to help you! Riiiighteouuus!!

Chain Letter: Within 3 days of reading this letter, forward this same letter to at least 3 other people. If you don’t, Warsaw will become your capital. Name withheld by request, Warsaw, Poland
Russia: It says Warsaw will become our capital!
Lithuania: Ahhhhh… Nhhhhh…
Latvia: Uhhh…
Estonia: Euhh…
Poland: You see? He cannot forward the chain letter! He does not have any friends!
Lithuania: That is true… but you are forgetting he happens to have plenty of subordinates…

Episode 58[edit]

France: Oh hon! Now is my big chance!—Uah!
America: Hey, Britain dude! You have to see this new plane I just built! Hm? What’s wrong with the jerky limey’s face?
France: Hey! You be nice! He is very sick! He has a terrible cold!
America: No way! Dude, he’s sick?! I’ve got the cure for what ails you, my man! What the hell… why isn’t it working?
France: Because it’s fast food!! Stupid American!
America: Yeah, on that note… um, what’s a cold?
France: Euh…

China: I hope they both die.
England: I shall not stand for your constant interference in my life any longer! Why don’t you stick to things you’re good at, like farming and drunk driving?!
France: Haha! Shows what you know! It is not drunk driving if you are only drinking wine!
England: Excuse me? I can’t hear you!
France: No! Don’t pull that with me! Listen up, Britain! You are the black sheep of Europe!
America: Hm?
France: Black sheep of Europe! Black sheep of Europe! Britain’s the black sheep of Europe and everybody knows it!
America: What? I didn’t know that!
England: Ah..!?
France: Aha… oh honhonhon! Oh honhonhonhon! Oh honhonhon…
England: Ugh! Why would a frog know anything about sheep, black or not! Grrrr…. Quit laughing, you mongrel!
America: Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
China: Should we stop them?
Russia: No, I say sit back and enjoy show!
England: I hate you!

Episode 59[edit]

God: Wake up, little girl.
Hungary: Ah….!
God: Listen to me. I have a divine prophecy from God for you.
Hungary: OMG, are you trying to tell me you’re God?
God: Sure, why not. Tomorrow, when you see France, you should deliver my wrath upon him using your skillet.
Hungary: What?? You want me to smack France around using my skillet? Is that even kosher?

France: Since you’ve come all this way, would you like me to read a little story from this book that I doubt you’ve heard before?
Italy: Oh yeah! It’s got a ton of words in it! And I don’t know what they are! Francey-pants! What does “sexual act” mean?
France: Oh hon! You don’t even know that? Oh my, how adorable! It’s something you do… with someone you love. Ahhhh?

Episode 60[edit]

Rome: I saw this-a crazy hot lady the other day. So I started-a chatting her up and impressed her by getting-a totally wasted! It works every time! Man, those drinks were craaazy good! I had the sex, which is the important-a thing. Anyway, after that I won an overwhelming victory in a battle!
Germania: Hey.
Rome: Huh?
Germania: Why don’t you talk about something other than women, liquor, and battles for once in your pathetic life.
Rome: …ohhh…
Germania: Grr…
Rome: That then leaves only seafood, and unless I’m doing a sexy mermaid, why would you want to hear that??

Spain: Listen to me, Romano. As of today, I am the boss of you, which means you have to do whatever I say, ok?
Chibimano: Ahhhh… if I wanted to follow someone’s directions I would listen to a sexy lady, not you! No thanks, la Spain!
Spain: I do not think you are understanding me.
Chibimano: Nom nom…
Spain: Romano! Hi! Go clean my house immediately.
Chibimano: Why don’t you hire a maid, eh?
Spain’s thoughts: ¿Qué?
Spain: No se… I do not think I can control this Romano…

Episode 61[edit]

'Spain:' Listen up, in spanish, Kiss me is Dame un beso "Besame” and “besos besos” also works bueno. Romano! So, how are those lessons coming along?
Chibimano: Spanish is-a stupid and hard to learn because the words are all wrong
Belgium: So Spain, how is your education of Italy coming along?
Spain: *sweatdrop* Ehehe, kinda bad actually.
Chibimano: I know this! Besame mala chica!
Belgium: *laughs* I guess I can give you a kiss *leans in to give Lovi a kiss*
Chibimano: uh on second thought I'm to young for kisses *gulps completely red

Episode 62[edit]

Chibitalia: Ve~
Spain: Oh Italy, You're so cute. I wish Romano were innocent, too.

France: Then I guess I should put some love into my bank then?
Switzerland: You should let someone finish when they are talking

Germany: Who are you?
Chibitalia: I'm me

Episode 63[edit]

Romano: OK little brother. I'll teach you a strategy for fighting England.
Italy: OK, big brother!
Romano: When you encounter an enemy, immediately show you have no intention for fighting. If you do that, whoever shoots first will be the bad guy. That is all!

Italy: Hey, hey, big brother. What do you use this for?
Romano: Hm? Ah, that's for...
Italian: The British troops have come!
Italy: Big brother!

Dragon: It doesnt have a mouth
China: Aiyah
Dragon: Ow, ow... okay, okay. I'm sorry! Stop hitting me, okay?!

England: Keep it down you guys
Romano and Italy: Eeeeek
Romano: I'm sorry Sir. Britain
Italy: Sir?
Romano: He was making noises all by himself! I'm really sorry, so please stop serving me meals like the ones yesterday!
Italy: B-Big brother!
Romano: Please stop it! Please stop it!

Germany: What'd you do to Japan?!
Italy: We just went sightseeing and ate together, like people normally do!
Germany: Then how did he become like that?!
Japan: Pasta!
Narrator: Italians are infectious. Or rather, its just that Japanese people get influenced very easily. But Germans are German wherever they go.

Episode 64[edit]

Austria: Looks like its from Prussia.

Episode 65[edit]

England: There. I boldly rose against France. Then he got scared and started saying this and that, this and that.
Austria: Thats amazing!
England: Right? He's no match for me.

Austria: And so I lost. Anything you'd like to say?
Maria Theresa: Your hair... has got a kink.

Hungary: I'll kill Prussia. I'll kill Prussia.
Austria: H-Hungary?

Hungary: Give it back... Give it back. Give back his little happy place.
Prussia: Ahhhhhh!

Episode 65[edit]

Ranch owner: This is the strange metal I found.
America: I see... It appears normal, though.
Ranch owner: Look at it, even when I cut it like this. Or smash it like this.
America: Th-That's incredible! Where'd you find it?!
Ranch owner: Oh, over there.
America: Hm? Woah! No matter how you look at it, that's a UFO. This is one of this century's huge discoveries! Aliens really do exist!

America: What?! Are you calling me a liar?!
Truman: That's just a balloon. Forget everything about this.
America: B-but.

America: Well? Do you have any questions for him?
England: Just one question. Which planet are you from
Tony: Don't say "Planet." Fucking limey. I'll kill you, fucking limey.

Episode 66[edit]

Spain: Are you sure you'll be alright by yourself? Shall I come along?
Chibimano: Of course I will you damn jerk! Humph!

Season 4[edit]

Season 5[edit]

Season 6[edit]

Hetalia Axis Powers Movie: Paint It, White![edit]

Iceland: Oh skít… what the cripes! I don’t get hardly any tourists anymore. I don’t care what it takes! I gotta get popular again, like, real quick. Hæ. Nice to meet you; I’m Iceland, a new character. Ah…

Hungary: Ah…! Ah!! Please, somebody help me!!! (crying) Ah…!!
Police Officer Pictonian: Blublub… blub… blub…
Hungary: Ah… ah!
Pictonians: blublublublublublub…
Hungary: Ah… ohh… uwaa…

Pictonians and Hungary: Blub


America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper thing in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly words says, a majority of humanity-
Russia: Hm?
China: *yawn*
America: -has been turned into noppera-bō ghosty blobs-
England: Nn…
America: -by the freaky beam of light-
France: Chu!
America: -other noppera-bō, or bow, or bahh-I don’t really know how to say it. Tony, my righteous alien dude friend, told me they’re Pictonians from the planet Picto. For real, dudes; Picto’s in like way far outer space.

Japan: It is a Japanese monster without a nose, eyes, or a mouth. Its proper name is a “noppera-bō,” ok?
England: Wait a tick. Are you trying to say this is all your fault, Japan?!
Japan: No, I was simply explaining what noppera means; no more, no less!
China: Why the hell do I have to be turned into noppera because of stupid Japan and scary story.
Japan: It’s not my fault…!!

France: Everyone knows I’ve got the biggest-
England: Nobody asked you, cheesy monkey!
France: Shut up, black sheep of Europe! Eh!
England: I told you not to call me that!
China: (sigh)… they never stop that…
Italy: White flags!! Come on! I made a whole lot of them! See?! We could each wave our very own!

England: Shut it, Pepe le Pew! Just because you invented movie-making doesn’t mean you’re any good at it! All your films are good for is putting me to sleep!
China: I’ll have you know, my movies have been very popular lately.

Prussia: Hey, hey, hey! It’s Dance Time, I’m Awesome! The popular singing show for me, und also by me! Because I am awesome Prussia! Now let’s get started, shall we? Today, we’ve got Ukraine and Belarus! They’re singing… Carrot und Stick! Carrot und… Stick!
Crew Member: Sorry, sir. They cancelled last minute.
Prussia: They did what?! Who do they think they are, the White Stripes?!
Ukraine: I am sorry! My big boobies make my back hurt, so I didn’t think I could perform well!
Belarus: Brother Russia, where are you? Why do you leave me here with double D meets double dumb!? Hurry up and come out, or I’ll fiiiind youuuu~

America: Ok, dudes, it’s time to kick ass! As the heroes, we’ll intercept their lame attack with mad skills!
Air Force Pilot: Rodger.
America: Oh crap!!
Russia: Ahaha! Now you can see what happens when you play with big unstable guns! ….or maybe not.
China: We will stop them at Red Cliff!—ah… suck ball!! I knew fortune cookie this morning was full of bad luck!
England: Bastards! You’re dealing with a former pirate now! Aahhhhhh—
France: What kind of name is “Noppera,” and why do you not express any kind of individuality? Unfortunately, trying to make me bland is unforgivable, so consider yourselves punished—NOOOOO!!
Germany: We cannot allow them to come anywhere close to us! Understood?!
German Soldier: Jawohl!
Germany: Here they come… Ah!!
Italy: Germany! Germany! I know I say this a lot, but this time I REALLY mean it!! Please, Germany, help me!! Help me! Help me! Help me!
Italian Army: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!
Germany Soldier: Germany, we’ve got trouble! The enemy is attacking!
Germany: Yuahhh!! NEIIIiiiIIIIiiiIIIN!!
Japanese Official: Ah… it sounds like those pranksters in Hawaii.
Japanese Official 2: Oh yeah… I heard of them before. Some sort of faceless ghost mumbo-jumbo.
Japanese Official 3: Either way, we can’t just leave things how they are, can we?
Japanese Officials: Hm… can we?? Maybe we should continue this matter on another da—
Japan: No! We haven’t yet decided what to do!
Romano: Whaaaa?! What the crapola happened here?! And where is my stupid brother anyway?!
'Pictmano: Assholes!

(White Statue of Liberty)

America: Ah…

(White State Historical Museum)

Russia: Mm…

(White Great Wall)

China: Ah…

(White Big Ben)

England: Ah…

(White Arc De Triomphe)

France: Ah…

(White Cologne Cathedral)

Germany: A…h…

(White Mt. Fuji and Tōkaidō line train)

Japan: Ah..hh…

(White Colosseum)

Italy: Ahh…

Birds: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
Liechtenstein: Hey big bruder…? I’m happy. I thought you should know.
Switzerland: Ok. Yeah, whatever.

Germany: Scheiße… it looks like being turned into Pictonians is a fate we will all share now.
France: I will refuse to accept being as ugly as the rest of you.
England: Look on the bright side; at least you won’t smell like drunk cheese anymore.
Italy: Are you guys hungry at all??
America: Chill out; we’re not gonna let this get us down! Dude, we’re gonna stand together whether we like it or not! I don’t.
Russia: I agree! I don’t like it.
China: That’s right! We should fight together against them even if we hate it! I hate it.
England: I hate it more.
France: Oui, je déteste.
Japan: No likey. But we might as well listen to each other’s opinions.
Germany: Alright. Raise your hand if you want to work together. Now!

Everyone But England: Yeah. We need something realistic.
England: You wankers don’t ignore me!!
Tony: Fucking! Fucking!
America: Ah…!
Tony: Fucking! Fucking!
France: Oh. What a charming Alien.
Tony: Fucking! Fucking!
America: He’s no alien! Tony is my best friend!
Tony: Fucking! Fucking!
England: That doesn’t mean he’s not an alien!
Tony: Fucking! Fucking!
America: Dude, Tony! What’s the scoop, brah?
Tony: Fucking bitch! Bitch! Fucking! Fucking!...
America: That’s a trip! Here’s the deal! Tony said he got a totally top secret picture from the Bureau of Space Development.
England and France’s thoughts: How did he understand that? All I heard was “fucking.”
Tony: (sluuuurp) Bitchy!
England: Oh come on, now; that is obviously photoshopped.

Japan: What does he say now?
America: The more evolved the species, the more their faces look noppera-like.
Russia: Oh! I have collection of evolving faces I’d like to show them!
Germany: Where are they weak? They have to have weaknesses!
Tony: They do!
Everyone but Tony and America: Augghhhh?!?!?!??!
France: Why haven’t you been speaking English this whole time?!?!?
Tony: Because I don’t do dubs! Ok… their weaknesses are…

America: Ah! ….what on Earth…
China: It not on Earth; that is the point!
Italy: Ah! Ah!! Ah! Ah!!...
England: Ah! Damn! The light’s enormous!
France: Ah! I think it’s their mothership!
Italy: Uwaaaaa!! This is where I fly backwards!!

Italy: Tadaa!
Germany: What the hell!? What is that?!
Italy: It’s my Pictonian costume! Don’t you like it? I made it from all the white flag material I have! Hoohoo~! Good news; I made one for everybody!

Germany: Attack!!
America: Hahahahaha! Hail the conquering hero!
England: 00 ninja!
France: What a relief! I look amazing in white!
China: Hang on tight, panda!
Russia: Oрете! (Orete)
Japan: I run into battle!
Italy: I’ll wait for you guys here!
Germany: Italy! You are coming inside with us!
Italy: Whaat? But I would rather not… willingly walking onto an enemy spaceship seems kinda reckless to me! Plus, I don’t want to get my costume all dirty!
Germany: Fine, then stay here alone.
Italy: Ah?! Oh, being alone is worse than anything; waaaaaiiiiiit!! Uuuup…

News reporter: In today’s news. The entire world is in crisis. Luckily, Canada and Cuba have joined forces. They’ve dedicated their time to assisting the injured. I’m sure they are a lot of help too.
Man: My legs!! My legs!!
Other Man: My arms!!
Cuba: It’s only half of you. It could be worse.
Canada: You still have your legs…

Germany: Pick a lot, find your group, and start searching.
America: Don’t ignore me!!
England: Dammit; the last person I’d want to work with is you.
France: Pardon moi?! Stop stealing my lines, fool!
England: Shh!
France: Ah…
England: Quick, follow me!

France: What a gorgeous swollen blue orb!

England: It’s the Earth, you idiot. They’re probably using it for their battle plans.

France: Looks like the white areas are the ones that they’ve already attacked, and the red dots are where they’re currently attacking.

England: Nh…. nn?! I can’t read it!

France: It’s not human, remember?

England: No worries. I have a translator app.


England: Huaaaaaaaaa!!
France: Huaaaa—you idiot, we’re fallingggggg!!!!
England: Yes, I realize that!!

Italy: That’s nice!
Germany: Italy, you nincompoop! Why did you bring a cat with you?!
Italy: What? It’s therapeutic and relaxing!
Germany: Relaxing?!?!?

England: Those green light things are getting brighter, aren’t they?!
France: Oh mon Dieu… they’re going to turn us into one of them!!
Russia: Don’t worry so much! I’m sure those Axis Power guys will be here any second!

England: Welcome to the party. Thanks for nothing.
China: You could not have picked worse place to fall at moment!
America: Hahaha! At least they stopped them for a sec! Now we can all die together!

Liechtenstein: What do you think?
Switzerland: I think… it tastes like sandwich.
Liechtenstein: Thank you; I’m glad you like it.

China: Tada! You go ahead and eat as much as you want to!
England: How did you manage to build a Chinatown on a spaceship in five seconds?!

America: Fail! I think your scones pissed off the Pictos!
England: Why?! Scones are so yummy!
Italy: Hm? Hey, what’s wrong? Come on, all you Pictonians! What happened to all the happy? Have another scone, and let’s get having fun! Eh?
Pictonians: No way! No way! No way! No way!...
America: Yeah… I don’t think they like that plan, dude.
China: No…
Germany: I’m not sure what’s happening, but we should retreat!!

Sealand: Hey, you remember me? I’m Sealand! I found you by using the interwebs; I’m wicked good at that kind of thing! I brought my entire country to rescue you!
England: You don’t have an entire country to take anywhere! Now go home, you little pipsqueak!
Sealand’s thoughts: Once I rescue all these big important countries, they’ll have no choice but to recognize me as my very own sovereign nation!

Germany: It’s headed for us!
Sealand: Hm! Don’t worry everybody, I promise you can just leave this whole thing to me!
England: No! You imbecile! It’s dangerous!
Sealand: Maybe for you, but I’ll be fine! Hm! Hahaha! All systems go! I modified every bit of my land just for this moment!
Picto Sealand: …..blub…
England: Well, what did I tell you… idiot…

Germany: What the hell are they up to?!
England: What’s the point in this?!
France: It’s ruined! The Eiffel Tower is atrocious!
China: It’s like they brought them to show us!
Japan: Wait! This look like bad news! I think they are making their own city, with this island as their base!
Germany: They can’t!

China: Ah. Ah! AH!! I’m hit!! Oh no!!
America: Hrah! China! Hwa! Ah! Ah…!
England: Mh. America-ughh!
France: Uh-…
Russia: Ah… Ah!
France: Uwah!!
Japan: Ah! Nn… yah! E-ah!
Germany: Ah… bring it on! I’ll kill all of you with my bare hands!! Yah! Eh! Deh! RRRRRrrrr…. Dah!
Pictonians: Blub!
Germany: Hah...-douh! Dh! Eghh! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Italy: Oh no! Germany!
China: Noooooo!!
Italy: Ah?

Germany: Aughh… ghh… Italy! Try smiling!
Italy: Oh, but I can’t! Those scary noppera meanies are everywhere!
Germany: I don’t care; you just have to smile…! Please Italy, just smile…! Agh! Do it… Italy…!!
Italy: (crying) No! It’s way too scary for smiling!
Germany: Gghh! ITALYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Germany: Ghh…hhh… Ita….ly…
Italy: Please stop walking like that! You’re really freaking me out, guys! Oh! BUT! I! DON’T! WANT! TO! TURN! IN! TO! A! NO! PPER! A! WHY! WON’T! YOU! LIS! TEN!? I! CAN’T! STOP! SCREA! MING! Ah?
Rome: ♪ …to you what heaven on Earth would be! All the cooks would be the French… Policemen would be British… engineers would be German… The bankers would be the Swiss… your lover of course, Would be from Italy… ♪ Let me tell you something about hell! The cooks are all boringly British! The police are all grossly German! Engineers are all foppishly French! Your lover is sadly a Swiss! And the bankers! Are pretty late from Italy!! Thank you!
Pictonians: We don’t know! We don’t know!...
Italy: Hey there, Grandpa Rome! Ah? Why is there a marker on the ground? I wonder if Grandpa Rome maybe left it here… Oh! Yeah...! Ahahaaahahahaa heehee! (excited noises) Hey, look, I drew a face!

Germany: Ah… rh… ah… Italy… you did wonderbar.
Italy: Hahaa.

England: Oh what!! Now you have a spokesperson?!
Princess Ploto: I would like to apologize for all the trouble we have caused you and your people. Our initial goal was to conquer this planet and to assimilate you to our image. But… after seeing how much fun this world can be… we’ve decided we do not wish to change anything about it. Instead… we would like to thank you for changing us and for giving us faces. To show our gratitude, we will turn all humans back to their original form and transport them to their individual countries. Also…
Italy: Ah?
Princess Ploto: Would you mind… giving that to me…?
Italy and Germany: Huh?
Princess Ploto: We do not have any of those on my planet.
Italy: Hm! No problemo! Here you go! Va bene.
Princess Ploto: Thank you very much. I will treasure it forever… We’re gonna go now… if you don’t need anything else.
Italy: Goodbye!! Have a safe trip back!! Hahaa! Aahahaa! Heeheeheehee! Whoo! You can come back and visit whenever you waaant!
England: What are you saying?! We don’t want them coming back here!!

Liechtenstein: Big bruder? Another beautiful morning, don’t you think?
Switzerland: I guess.

Iceland: So I don’t know what the deal is with these guys, but thanks to them, we can see auroras any time of the year now. Which means we have more tourists; lucky us.

Voice Actors[edit]