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- Don't let the government win.
- Speech on his last syndicated FM broadcast (December 16, 2005).
- Whenever I say something, I say it right at the moment I'm thinking it. As soon as I saw Magic Johnson's press conference, I said, "Hey, this is bullshit. Why are you idolizing a guy who runs around and is a tremendous womanizer? He's running around having unprotected sex in a day and age when he should know better. I don't think you should treat him as a hero.
- Playboy interview, Playboy magazine (April 1994).
- I cut my pubes last night. My hairs were getting longer than my penis.
- Stated at the beginning of his radio show on 13 September 2006.
Howard Stern, What I've Learned, Esquire Magazine (January 2006)
- Courage is standing up for what you believe in. There are so many people who aren't willing to stand up. You've got to fight.
- What's wrong with being naked? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I pay my taxes. I'm a good man. I'm a good father - try to be, anyway. I try to do the right things in life.
- And if you really want to tame that region (Iraq), I'll tell you what can solve the problem: pussy. Plain and simple. Give 'em strip clubs and whores. Nobody would want to fly a fucking plane into anything. Nobody would want to kill anybody. The problem is, these guys can't even see a woman's ankle. You know what? They just want pussy. They want good porno. They want to beat off. They want Howard Stern.
Howard Stern and the Satellite Wars, Wired Magazine (March, 2005)
- I still feel like I gotta prove something. … There are a lot of people hoping I fail. But I like that. I need to be hated.
- Cox, Ana Marie (2005-03). "Howard Stern and the Satellite Wars". Wired News (Condé Nast Publications). Retrieved on 2007-12-30. .
Howard Stern, Silenced in Some Cities, Gains Some Others, New York Times (July, 2004)
- I'm in a war, a cultural war.
- Carr, David (2004-07-01). "Howard Stern, Silenced in Some Cities, Gains Some Others". The New York Times (The New York Times Company). Retrieved on 2007-12-30. .
Howard Stern on Piers Morgan Tonight, CNN (January 18, 2011)
- Really, why am I doing this anymore? It makes me crazy. I hate getting up early in the morning, and I don't particularly like doing the show.
- I think it's my identity. Like, this is who I am. This is what I do.... Like I'm Babe Ruth, you know?
- It occurred to me that to have a naked woman on the radio would be outrageous. And yet really who would it offend? It's all theater of the mind. You don't even really know if she's naked or not.
- Jay [Leno] is insane. He's not fit to scrub David Letterman's feet. Yes, I don't know why he's beaten David Letterman in the ratings. It's beyond my comprehension. America must be filled with morons who at night lay in bed -- the ones who are watching him. They must be in a coma.
- I love America. I love our freedom. And nowhere could a guy like me, a schlub like me have success with -- where would I get this freedom of speech? They don't allow this anywhere.
- Morgan, Piers (2011-01-18). "Howard Stern almost retired last year". Piers Morgan Tonight (CNN). Retrieved on 2011-01-19.