[having just inserted the reworked arc reactor into his chest cavity] Tastes like coconut! [grimaces] And metal.
You wanna be a War Machine? Take your shot!
[after discovering what his father left for him] Been dead for twenty years, he's still takin' me to school.
[as Justin Hammer enters the Senate hearing] Let the record reflect that I observe Mr. Hammer entering the chamber and I am wondering if and when any actual expert will also be in attendance.
[reading Natalie/Natasha's report on him] "Mr. Stark displays compulsive behavior." In my own defense, that was a week ago. "Prone to self-destructive tendencies." I was dying. I mean, please, aren't we all? "Textbook narcissism?" [looks at Fury askew, who returns the look] Agreed.
[a video message left for his son] Tony, you're too young to understand this now, so I thought I would put it on film for you. [gestures to his model of Stark Expo] I built this for you. And someday, you'll realize that it represents a whole lot more than people's inventions. It represents my life's work. This is they key to the future. I'm limited by the technology of my time, but one day you'll figure this out. And when you do, you will change the world. What is, and will always be, my greatest creation…is you.
Tony Stark: Oh, it's good to be back. You missed me? I missed you too.
Random Guy In Crowd: Blow somethin' up!
Tony: Blow somethin' up? I already did that. I'm not saying that the world is enjoying its longest period of uninterrupted peace in years because of me. I'm not saying…that from the ashes of captivity…never has a greater Phoenix metaphor been personified in human history. I'm not saying that Uncle Sam can kick back on a lawn chair, sippin' on an iced tea, because I haven't come across anyone who's man enough to go toe to toe with me on my best day. Please…It's not about me. It's not about…you. It's not even about us, it's about legacy. It's about what we choose to leave behind for future generations and that's why, for the next year and for the first time since 1974, the best and brightest men and women of nations and corporations the world over will pool their resources, share their collective vision to leave behind a brighter future. It's not about us! Therefore what I am saying, if I'm saying anything, is welcome back to the Stark Expo! And now, making a special guest appearance from the great beyond, to tell you what it's all about. Please welcome my father, Howard. [walks off stage and a film plays on the back screen]
Howard Stark: [In film] Everything is achievable through technology. Better living, robust health, and for the first time in human history, the possibility of world peace. So from all of us here at Stark Industries, I would personally like to introduce you to the city...of the future. Technology holds infinite possibilities for mankind and will one day rid society of all its ills. Soon, technology will effect the way you live your life everyday. No more tedious work. Leaving more time for leisure activities and enjoying the sweet life. The Stark Expo…welcome.
[during the Senate hearing on the Iron Man suit]
Senator Stern: My priority is to get the Iron Man weapon turned over to the people of the United States of America.
Tony Stark: Well, you can forget it. I am Iron Man. The suit and I are one. To turn over the Iron Man suit would be to turn over myself, which is tantamount to indentured servitude, or prostitution, depending on what state you're in. [laughter from the gallery] You can't have it.
Senator Stern: Look, I'm no expert—
Tony: In prostitution? Of course not, you're a senator. Come on! [more laughter from the gallery as Tony turns to Pepper, who isn't laughing]
[after the battle in Monaco, Tony visits his assailant in jail]
Ivan Vanko: You come from a family of thieves and butchers. And like all guilty men, you try to rewrite your history. To forget all the lives that the Stark family has destroyed.
Tony Stark: Speaking of thieves, where'd you get this design? You look like you have friends in low places.
Vanko: My father, Anton Vanko.
Tony: Never heard of him.
Vanko: My father is the reason you're still alive.
Tony: No. The reason I'm alive is because you made a shot and you missed.
Vanko: If you could make God bleed, people would cease to believe in Him. There will be blood in the water. The sharks will come. All I have to do is sit back and watch as the world consumes you.
Tony: Where will you be watching the world consume me from? Oh, that's right, a prison cell. I'll send you a bar of soap. [walks off]
Tony Stark: Can I ask you something personal? If this was the last birthday party you were going to have, what would you do?
Natalie Rushman: I would do whatever I wanted to do, with whomever I wanted to do it with.
Tony: Give me a phat beat to beat my buddy's ass to.
[the DJ obliges and starts Daft Punk's "Robot Rock" as Tony and Rhodey fight]
[Tony and Rhodey brawl after the party]
Tony: Sorry pal, but Iron Man doesn't have a sidekick.
Rhodey: Sidekick THIS! [whacks Tony with a barbell]
Natasha: We've disabled all communications. No contact with the outside world. Good luck.
Tony: Please… [shakes head] First thing I need a little body work. I'll put in a little time at the lab. If we could send one of your goon squad down to the Coffee Bean for a Starbucks run or something like that, that would be nice.
Agent Phil Coulson: I'm not here for that. I've been authorized by Director Fury to use any means necessary to keep you on premises. If you attempt to leave, or play any games, I will taze you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet. okay?
Tony: I think I got it. Yeah.
Coulson: Enjoy your evening's entertainment.
Natasha Romanoff: I need your impression.
Tony Stark: Well, you have a quiet reserve about you...
Natasha: I meant your fingerprint.
Nick Fury: You've been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff, you let your friend fly away with your suit. Now, if I knew better—
Tony Stark: You don't know better. I didn't give it to him. He took it.
Fury: Whoa whoa whoa, he took it? You're Iron Man, and he just took it? Little brother walked in there, kicked your ass and took your suit? [turns to Natasha] Is that possible?
Natasha: Well, according to Mr. Stark's database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorized access…
Tony: What do you want from me?
Fury: What do we want from you? Uh uh. What do you want from me? You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems in the southwest region to deal with. Hit him.
[Natasha sticks a syringe into Tony's neck and injects him with something]
Tony: Oh God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?
Fury: What did we just do for you. That's lithium dioxide. Gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work.
Tony: Gimme a couple boxes of that, I'll be right as rain.
Natasha: It's not a cure. Just abates the symptoms.
Fury: Doesn't look like it's gonna be an easy fix.
Justin Hammer: [walking into hangar to weaponize the War Machine armor] Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Is it my birthday? What did you do? What did you do? Is this what I think it is?
James Rhodes: Yes, it is. Hammer, I want to know what you're gonna do for us.
Hammer: What am I going to do for you? Well the first thing I'm gonna do for you is I'm gonna upgrade your software. And then, second, I think I should -
Rhodey: Hammy, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about firepower.
Hammer: [as he chomps on a lollipop] Well, you're talking to the right guy. [demonstrating various weapons for the armor to Colonel Rhodes and Major Allen]Claridge Hi-Tec, semi-automatic, nine-millimeter pistol.
[Rhodes and Allen are silent]
Hammer: Too downtown? I agree. [lays pistol on table and picks up shotgun] M24 shotgun, pump action. Five-round magazine. You know what? You're not a hunter. What am I talking about? I'm getting rid of it. [lays shotgun on table and picks up rife] This is the FN-2000 from Belgium. They do make something better than waffles. It's beautiful, but I can tell this isn't disco enough for you, so I'm gonna put it right here. [lays rifle on table and picks up grenade launcher] You're looking at a Milkor 40-millimeter grenade launcher. Tear gas, smoke. Hippie control. You're tough. [lays grenade launcher on table] Let me tell you something. Size does matter. Don't let anyone tell you different. [picks up minigun] This is an M134 7.62 Minigun. Six individual barrels. The torso taker, powder maker. Our boys in uniform call it Uncle Gazpacho, or Puff the Magic Dragon.
[grins at Rhodes and Allen, who remain totally silent]
Hammer: Okay. [carrying a small box] These are the Cubans, baby. This is the Cohibas, the Montecristos. [picking up a small missile out of the box] This is a kinetic-kill, side-winder vehicle with a secondary cyclotrimethylenetrinitramine RDX burst. It's capable of busting a bunker, under the bunker you just busted. If it were any smarter, it'd write a book, a book that would make Ulysses look like it was written in crayon. It would read it to you. This is my Eiffel Tower. This is my Rachmaninoff's Third. My Pietà. It's completely elegant, it's bafflingly beautiful, and it's capable of reducing the population of any standing structure to zero. I call it "The Ex-Wife." [Rhodes holds his chin as if in thought] This is the best I've got. [puts missile back in box] Are we gonna do this? Give me something here. You're like a sphinx. I can't read you.
Rhodey: I think I'll take it.
Hammer: Which one?
Rhodey: All of it.
Hammer: [mildly in shock] All of it.
[Vanko shows Hammer how easily he can hack into HammerTech's computer system]
Justin Hammer: [after walking into the room where Ivan Vanko is working] Hey, there he is! It's the bird man. Now you like the bird. Is that right? Is that your bird? I'm confused. You said it wasn't, but now it looks like you're best of pals. You love that bird, don't you? You know what? [To the guards] Take the bird. [One guard takes the bird away from Ivan]
Ivan Vanko: Hey! [The guard puts the bird into a bag]
Hammer: [To the guards again] Take his pillows, too. Both of them. [The other guard take Ivan's pillows away from him] And his shoes. Take his shoes. [Both guards take Ivan's shoes]. I took your stuff. How does that make you feel? You feel bad? Good. [angry] 'Cause THAT'S HOW I FEEL!!! We had a contract! I saved your life, and you give me suits! That was our deal. And you did not deliver. I don't know if you're a genius or a fraud. I don't know what you are. [calm] Something really, really great fell into my lap. And if it hadn't, I'd be at your mercy tonight. Now I have a piece of Stark tech that I pimped out myself. And now your overpriced paperweights are gonna look like a backdrop to my demonstration. Do you dig what I'm getting at here?
Ivan Vanko: [in Russian]: You talk a bit too much ("Слишком много говоришь");
Hammer: [sarcastically laughs] I don't know if you know this, [angry again] BUT I DON'T SPEAK RUSSIAN!!! [calm again] I'm gonna leave now. I'm gonna go to the Expo. Maybe I'll even get laid. [refering to the guards] You see these guys? They're your babysitters. They are not to be trifled with. When I get back, we're gonna renegotiate the terms of our agreement. And you're gonna make good on our arrangement because if you don't, you're gonna be exactly what you were when I found you: a dead man. You got that? [pointing to the TV] Maybe you can watch me on TV. [leaves. Vanko starts looking to the guards, and smiles]