It's All Gone Pete Tong

It's All Gone Pete Tong is a 2004 Spanish-British-Canadian film mockumentary dramedy the follows the tragic fall and inspiring comeback of Frankie Wilde, a British DJ who goes deaf on the Spanish island of Ibiza.

Written and directed by Michael Dowse.

The Legend of Frankie Wilde - The Deaf DJ(taglines)

Frankie Wilde

• [Being swarmed by bikini clad nubiles in a boat stateroom with Max watching with perverse pleasure] I love you, Max!
• [In his backyard in his bathrobe] Fucking come on, then! [Coke badger shovels a load of cocaine into his face and he breathes in deeply]
• [Attempting to perform a set at a club only to have the crowd boo and throw bottles at him, so he then proceeds to throw the mixing equipment off the stage with the crowd cheering and security then wrangles him off] Off! Off! Off! Off! Let go, fuckers! Fuckers! Fucking fuckers!
• [The Coke Badger arrives to Frankie in bed glossolalicaning] Hi. I'm actually thinking about giving it a bit of a break. Of course I fucking love you. How can you say that? I just think we don't necessarily bring out the best in each other. Not always the best thing for me. It's my problem. It's not your problem. You know what I mean? Why can't we just be mates for a little bit? I could just give you a ring every few weeks, you know? Just make it a little bit more casual. Couldn't we do that? [Coke Badger then ferociously attacks Frankie who then ravenously snorts coke, then they cuddle in bed]

...

Sarah Main

• Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are my god. My inspiration, my everything.
• It wasn't pretty, but, you know, for me for someone that has gone through something like that to still get up there and give it a go, is a big thing.

Tiësto

• He's on a different level now, how he listens, how he plays records.

Danny Whittle

• I think he's very special, because no other DJ can do that. I don't know what he was doing, whether he was honing his talents in another direction. He just disappeared from the scene completely. It was really depressing.
• Well, denial is a river in Frank, and it runs deep. And his sets were shambolic on times. Clearly, could only be the work of a man who couldn't hear.

Lol Hammond

• I mean he's probably down in South America, still hanging out. Probably trying to snort up one of the countries, or, I don't know, he's just, I like to think he's still out there.

Carl Cox

• Frankie was definitely one of the best. He had his very, sort of, own style his very own momentum with the crowd. No one else did it his way. He's a showman as much as he is a musician. He controlled the crowd musically and physically. He was a born natural behind the turntable. There's no doubt. I was jealous of that. I always had to try a bit harder.
• And did I fuck her? Yeah. Yeah, I fucked her.

Eric Banning

• It was massive. Come out of car windows, in the supermarket. Even my grandmother would whistle that tune when I went to see her in the nursing home. Frankie met Sonya when they were on the video shoot to "Rise Again."
• Legend has it that Frank's problems started undramatically. It was the simplest thing that kicked it off. It was years and years of noise was the basis of the problem. But the very beginnings of it, in his life, started very plainly. Frankie's problem was quite a common problem amongst DJ's an occupational hazard. They work in the clubs. The noise just takes its toll.
• Fair play to the guy. I have no idea what I would have done in that situation. I mean, there he is. You know, he's between a rock, and you know, another rock, which is harder and bigger.
• Frank just locks himself up in his room, didn't come out of his villa for a long time. He had this theory he was gonna get his hearing back by having complete silence. He wanted to rest his ears completely. He hired people to bring in supplies for him to the villa. The only accounts we have of Frank during this period come from various drug dealers. He was in a very dark place.
• Well, Frank's system was ingenious, and with the weight of his sight, he proclaims that he began to see a rhythm in everything a pattern in the visual world around him. You know, could see music. Frankie had worked with this all his life and then he realized he was able to piece together those sets that he used to do. And, hey, presto, you know, four to the floor, returneth.
• There was like a flat line. It was... Still, to this day, I'm... That was it, gone. Frankie Wilde, bye-bye. Gone. And everybody was like that: Holding the baby. I've heard a story that he's running a record shop in Oxford. There's a story that he went to Fiji and then died of syphilis. But nobody knows. You know, I don't know where he is. He was another deaf guy with a deaf guy's needs. And he went off to a quiet place. Although, I suppose that wouldn't make much difference. [Ending shots shows Frankie teaching a class of children interpretive dance and then he is tapping on bongo drums out in the street, Penelope comes by with their kid and Frankie gives his change to a busker next to him, who raises a hand in gratitude]

Drag queen

• Super, super, super, loco.

Danny Whittle

• Frankie was cruising along, doing his thing, getting all the attention that he needed. And then he met Max.
• Anyway, a bit of a tosser. Not my sort of person, but absolutely took him to the next level.
• Oh, man. I mean, everybody knew that she'd been about. But he seemed to like that. I mean, that was his thing. You know, I mean, even I'd had a go at her.
• I think a lot of people tolerated her because she was Frankie's wife. At the end of the day, I think she was partying with everyone else. I didn't like her. I didn't think she was good for him.
• Someone like Frankie, having a problem like that, I thought: "This geezer's gonna go. He's gonna lose it." And he did lose it. I watched him lose it, slowly but surely.

Sonya

• [Frankie and Sonya are having sex with her bent over the tennis court net] I fucking hate you, I fucking hate you!

Max Haggar

• No. Hey, tell him it's like a wasp just stung my clit, yeah. I don't give a fuck if he's religious. Tell him anyway. Fuck him. Bye.
• [At a café, with Max proposing a toast] To the handicapped. Sorry.
• Frankie Wilde, good luck. Good luck.
• [Bursting into Frank's bedroom to find him lying there in a total state of apathy and then rants] Where the fuck's the album, Frank?! Where... the fuck... is the album, Frank?! Where the fuck is the album?! It smells like shit in here, Frank! What the fuck's happened to you?! What the fuck happened to you, Frank?! I don't know what this is! I don't know what this is! This is bullshit, Frank! This isn't how you take on things, huh?! Listen, maybe this isn't the worst thing in the world. Take some fucking time off. Go in the sun for fuck's sakes, huh?! Eat a lot of fruit, get some fucking vitamins in you! Vegetables and greens and shit! I can't, you know, there's... I was reading yesterday, there's a fish, it's called a zebra fish. Has little hairs on it. And somehow, they can implant that... I don't know. It's too fucking hot. It's always too fucking hot. I can't help you. I don't know how to... I don't know how to help... I don't want to help you. I can't help you.

Jack Stoddart

• Max first brought Frankie to my attention. I knew he had what it took behind the decks, but it turned out that Frankie really understood the music production side. You know, knew his way around a studio.
• That's the first one. [Holds up demo tape] So I signed him straightaway. And Frankie delivered.
• His hearing was fucked. But he tried to keep working and plow through. You know, put the horse blinkers on. Ignore the problem, and it'll go away. You know, always works for me.
• He was stone-fucking deaf. There's not much you can do as a DJ if you can't hear. Generally, the field of music; other than the obvious example has been dominated by people who can hear. He was never gonna hear again. It was as simple as that. It was gone.
• I didn't want a deaf DJ on the label. I didn't want the company to be touched with the deaf stamp. Well, business is tough, and sometimes you have to make awkward decisions. And I've made harder decisions than dropping the deaf DJ.
• The first time I heard Hear No Evil, I was like, you know, "Whatever." But then Max told me Frankie's story, and the penny dropped. People love a good tragedy. People love handicaps, frankly. It gets them emotional, you know. So I'll get on that deaf train with a wheelchair ramp. No problem. First-class ticket, please.
• I thought it was amazing, you know, that somebody that's deaf can actually, can actually, you know, be a DJ.
• I just think that guy is so fantastic. He has a gift that no one else has. And somehow, he is gonna do it. The vibe that night was incredible. All the memories had come back, you know. He'd hit the depths then he was just back. Pacha, Frankie Wilde, comeback. "Take this. Check this out." I've never seen an atmosphere like it. It was amazing. He probably never thought he'd ever feel that again. And to come back and actually feel that and more it was a great experience. Everybody in the room shared the same experience. It was really, really special. It was kind of what dance music's about, really. He just had clubland sparking, big time. He just took the roof off the place. It was amazing. It was like he was an even better DJ as a deaf man than he'd been before. It was incredible.

Song lyrics of Schwab's DJs in a Row

• [Scene of nightclubbers chanting "DJ" and Frankie Wilde appears in a toga with a thorn crown, then floats down, suspended from wires and is dropped into a pool, then is followed by a montage of Frankie Wilde's antics while performing at Ibiza clubs] Song lyrics: I used to drink, I used to smoke, and then I'd dance, I used to drink, I used to smoke, and then I'd dance, Well, coming for a living in this crowded room, I need some new religion and I need it pretty soon. Drink, I used to smoke, and then I'd dance, I used to cuss, I used to fuss, Oh then I'd dance. Culture based on comfort men around her thighs, angels drawn on velvet brings water to my eyes. I'm gonna drink, I'm gonna smoke. Then dance. All night, I don't break dance, I don't break dance, I don't break dance no more, I said, Oh no my DJ's in a Row come on, Let's go. Oh no, those DJ's have got to go come on. Lets go, you might also like. Those DJ's, They're always scratching, itching, break.

Dialogue

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: [Interviewing him on a beach] Frankie, I'm curious. Can you tell me about your flip-flop collection?

Frankie Wilde: I'm a bit of the Imelda Marcos of the flip-flop world. Flip-flop, for me, is perfection. And sometimes if I'm stuck and I can't mix, I can't, you know, I'm a creative person. I'm an artist. So sometimes I just stare at a flip-flop for hours. I'm not joking. I'm being serious, yeah.

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Really?

Frankie Wilde: Yes, I do.

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Recently, you've been married, so how is it now being a husband?

Frankie Wilde: An "ass band"?

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Husband.

Frankie Wilde: Oh, husband.

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Husband. [Laughs]

Frankie Wilde: A husband. Yeah, it's very nice. It's what I've... [A jumbo jet flies overhead]

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Say hello!

Frankie Wilde: Hello, lbiza!

...

Pete Tong: This is Pete Tong, you're listening to The Essential Selection. I'm sitting across from Frankie Wilde.How are you, Frankie?

Frankie Wilde: I feel like a star, man. Eleven years. Eleven years in Ibiza, playing some of the best clubs in the world.

Pete Tong: How do you feel about it this year?

Frankie Wilde: What, mate?!

Pete Tong: [In a disinterested monotone voice] It's your eleventh year, Frankie, playing in Ibiza. You must be thrilled.

Frankie Wilde: It's been fucking hot, ain't it, here, the last week?! God. I mean, think about, You're old, like me. You're an old geezer. You remember that martini campaign in the '70s? "Martini is..." dot, dot, dot, dot. Remember that? When I was a kid, that wow-ed me out, man, big time. It's like, "is" what? What the fuck is it? What the fuck is martini? But I was young, and I didn't really understand. And now I'm mature and I've lived 38 years, and I can confidently say: "Ibiza is..." dot, dot, dot, dot. You know what I mean? And that's really nice. It's really nice to be able to feel that. There's spunk everywhere on this island. Everyone's done it, and they've been free with it. They haven't done it to make babies. They've fucking swung out and spun a bit out and it's hit a plant, and that's grown. Wall, and there's vines and ivy and shit. It's all spunk. Look at this lot out here. Look at them. They all love it. They fucking love it. [Shouts to crowd watching at sound booth window] Oi! Who out there likes to fucking party?! [They all yell in agreement with Frankie walking up to the studio window and screams demonically and Pete Tong is looking down with his face in his hand] I can't hear you! Who out there likes to fucking party?! Who likes to fucking party?! [Crowd is yelling]

...

Frankie Wilde: Do you think we're making a jazz album?

Alfonse: I'm just right in the middle of going all the fucking way. Should we swap them over for some brushes?

Frankie Wilde: You know, start fucking hitting those drums! Start banging those drums like you bang your fucking sister! Clear, Siegfried?!

...

[Frankie and Sonya are playing tennis at his villa]

Frankie Wilde: 15-love. I was thinking, you know how Paul Newman's got his salad dressings and that? So why not Frankie Wilde hummus?

Sonya: That's a good idea.

Frankie Wilde: People come and see the gigs, they say, "Fuck, that was a great set, Frankie." I'll say, "Cheers, mate. [Mimics holding out a jar] You want some hummus?" You know, just as a thing.

Sonya: Yeah. Quite a good name for an album.

Frankie Wilde: How's that?

Sonya: Frankie Wilde, Hummus.

Frankie Wilde: What, call my album Hummus?

Sonya: Yeah.

Frankie Wilde: I don't think so.

Sonya: I've got good ideas, Frankie. You should listen to me.

Frankie Wilde: If I've got my own hummus brand and my album's called Hummus, it's getting a bit much.

Sonya: I think it's a good name.

Frankie Wilde: Why don't I change my name to "Frankie Hummus"?

Sonya: No, it sounds good. Yeah.

...

[Frankie wakes up with severe coughing fits with severe snorting and is greeted by the coke badger, he then walks downstairs and is greeted by Sonya]

Sonya: [Talking to home design consultant] I think we could have the Spanish look, I like this color for the water. Perhaps maybe that one, Japanese. Frankie. [To Frankie] Morning, honey. Oh, Frankie! Come here. I want to ask you something.

Frankie Wilde: Morning.

Sonya: Morning, sweet... You all right? [Points to two placards] If we go for the Spanish look... It's for the garden.

Frankie Wilde: A bit of both.

Sonya: Okay. Little bit of both. We can do that, can't we? Yeah.

[Sonya's son drives his riding toy car into Frankie's leg and he collapses to floor in severe pain with the son laughing and pointing]

Frankie Wilde: Fuck! Fucking hell! You all right?!

...

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Can you tell us what's happening with the new album?

Sonya: Have I got a spot? Have I...?

Frankie Wilde: No. It's fine. You're perfect. You're perfect.

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Your fans are curious about the new album. They have to know.

Frankie Wilde: [Talking in a hoarse voice] It's good. It's going really well. It's going really well. Been bending the sound, sort of. I've been forging it. With a lyrical smelter.

Sonya: Yeah.

Frankie Wilde: Not as beautiful as you.

Sonya: Thank you.

Frankie Wilde: And I got these two like, Austrian mates who are stoking the fires. Everybody should have at least two Austrian mates. Everybody should have at least two.

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: When can we expect the new album to come out?

Frankie Wilde: Soon.

Ibiza Beat Interviewer: Soon?

Frankie Wilde: Ish.

...

Alphonse: [Singing in recording booth] When the clouds are filled with your fantasy, rain it down on me, on me...

[Frankie Wilde pops in the recording studio and motions to Alphonse and Horst to a room]

Frankie Wilde: Can I have a word? Can I have a word? Yeah. It's good? [With Austrian mates and himself seated] I took a call just before, a couple of hours ago. I forgot to mention it, but I need to... I need to... the album people, they want the lyrics for the sleeve. I just need you to write them down. We can pop them off. Get them off and we don't have to worry about it.

Horst: No, no, we never write them down. [Alphonse hands back Frankie Wilde the notebook written; NO FUCKING WAY]

Frankie Wilde: That's it. What else did you sing after that?

...

[Frank and Sonya are making out with their cheatees side by side]

Sonya: Frankie. Frank. Frank!

Frankie Wilde: What?

Sonya: Have you got a condom? Have you got a condom?

Frankie Wilde: No, I'm not gonna fuck her. I'm knackered. I'm just gonna have a nosh.

...

[Max Haggar is on the phone] Because they dangle when they're cold. Yeah. Now, listen very carefully, okay? It's very important. This is very important. I have cancer, okay? And I'm very delicate. So they have to be very gentle. [Frank knocks on door and Max opens door and greets him]

Max Haggar: Hey, Frank.

Frankie Wilde: All right?

Max Haggar: How are you?

Frankie Wilde: All right.

Max Haggar: Attaboy.

Frankie Wilde: How you doing?

Max Haggar: Good, good. Motherfucker. Listen, I had that dream again. I was sucking my own cock. But this time, I don't have a huge cock. I have a normal-sized cock. No spine. My spine disappears. So my head, it just flops down onto my... anyway...

Frankie Wilde: You all right?

Max Haggar: Yeah. Sit down, sit down, sit down. Look, I was just talking to the label and they'd like to see a couple of tracks. The label would like a couple of tracks, Frank.

Frankie Wilde: It's coming. It's coming. Yeah. The tracks are coming, man, relax. Don't worry, mate, it's fine. It's all right.

Max Haggar: I saw your show last night.

Frankie Wilde: I tell you, I really fucked up last night, man. It's my call. I picked the wrong set.

Max Haggar: It stunk. It stunk like shit, Frank. It stunk like... well, like you shit your pants and you just sat in it for a week, and then you shit yourself again. That's how fucking bad it stunk, Frank.

Frankie Wilde: It was shit, yeah?

Max Haggar: It was shit, Frank. Yes, it was shit.

Frankie Wilde: I tell you, the fucking monitors at that place. You know, I'm fucking mixing my heart out. I can't hear a fucking thing. We gotta have words with them get this sorted out, otherwise we blow that place out. I couldn't hear a fucking thing.

Max Haggar: Right. Because you might be deaf, Frank.

Frankie Wilde: What's that? [Leaning into Max]

Max Haggar: You could be deaf, Frank.

Frankie Wilde: What you saying?

Max Haggar: You are deaf.

Frankie Wilde: Can't hear you, Max.

Max Haggar: [Screams] You're fucking deaf, asshole! [Shouting] Who the fuck you fooling, Frank?! You're talking like a 95-year-old war vet! Frank, you need professional help!

Frankie Wilde: I'm thinking about getting some professional help.

Max Haggar: Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it.

...

[Dr. Lim greets Frankie Wilde at the clinic] Hello, Frank. Come in, Frank. [He runs a series of tests on Frankie Wilde and then announces to him in the office] Frank! I don't want you to panic, Frank. I've got some bad news for you, though. You're going deaf! Completely deaf! As you know, your right ear is completely shot. Your left ear, that's this one, has got 20 percent left. You were born with little holes in them and slowly the fluid pressure is dropping.

Frankie Wilde: Can't you just plug it up with some ear putty or something?

Dr. Lim: The ear organism, it's way too sensitive and delicate for that. Surgery doesn't work. Cochlear implant doesn't work. You've gotta stop exposing yourself to so much noise.

Frankie Wilde: What do you mean by that?

Dr. Lim: It means that if you listen to absolute silence your ears are gonna last a little bit longer. They're crumbling as we speak. Stop the drugs, Frank. Stop the drinking. Go to bed at a decent hour. We can give you a hearing aid that gives you temporary hearing but that damages the ear even further. Speak up. These are the facts, Frank. These are the facts, Frank. We can't change them. You are deaf, man. You are a deaf man.

Frankie Wilde: |Oi, oi, oi, this is costing me 2000 fucking euros an hour! Chuck me a fucking bone!

Dr. Lim: This is your hearing aid, Frank. Use it only when you have to. Only when you have to.

Frankie Wilde: Only when I have to.

Dr. Lim: Right. Only when you have to. Got that? No exceptions.

...

Sonya: [To Frankie in a restaurant] Can you keep on gigging? Frankie? Can you keep on gigging? Can you keep on gigging?

Frankie Wilde: I love them both, you know? I love hearing, and I love DJ'ing. I was thinking this morning maybe I should write a book.

Sonya: That's a brilliant idea.

Frankie Wilde: That might take years, though, so, perhaps, like, a pamphlet. A sort of brochure thing.

Sonya: Listen, Frankie, I... I want to tell you that whatever your decision, I will support it wholeheartedly. You and me and little Kingie. That's all that matters to me. Deaf, dumb or blind, baby, we will get through this. It's brilliant to almost hear that.

...

[In the recording studio and Frankie Wilde plays an abysmally poor song for the two Austrian mates]

Alphonse: It sounds like the caca! [Note:Caca is Spanish for shit] No. Is Frank there? Is this Frank standing in front of me? No, this is a drunken baboon drooling on the mix board. What in all of the heavens are you on, Frank? Are you fucking deaf or something? What's your fucking problem? They would laugh you out of Austria. I can hear them laughing now. Where is Frankie fucking Wilde, Frankie? Is he fucking gone? And the fucking, "Go away. Stay, stay, stay," huh? So you're deaf? You're deaf?

Frankie Wilde: Almost.

Alphonse: This is like all the terrors and the horrors of the world raining down on your skull.

Frankie Wilde: Last three months, it's really rapidly accelerated. But I've... I've got this. And I really thought I could do this job, man. I'll show you. Hello, Mr. Drum! Drummer! The left ear, there's still a little bit left. And this little fella [holds up hearing aid] is a fucking lifeline, man. But I can use it only when I have to. Long as I'm careful, I can hear more. [Alphonse and Horst start demolishing the instruments in the studio and then bang an amplifier blowing out the remaining hearing of Frankie knocking him unconscious]

Alphone: What? What has happened?

Horst: What?

...

[Frankie arrives at his residence and finds friend Blink there watching TV]

Blink: All right, Frankie? All right?

Frankie Wilde: Blink! Hola, mate. All right? [They hug]

Blink: All right.

[They both sit down to watch a televised Euro football match]

Frankie Wilde: [Points] Good game?! Is it a good game?!

Blink: Yeah, it's all right. It's pretty good. It's decent.

Frankie Wilde: Sonya in? Sonya in?

Frankie Wilde: Yeah, she's here. She's upstairs. She's packing, mate. She all right?

Blink: She's leaving you, Frank. [Points to chest] She's leaving you. For me.

[Frankie Wilde and Blink reacts to a football score on TV] Get in there! Did you see that? Fucking hell! Fucking, how was that one, eh? Ter-fucking-rific!

Blink: Yes, brilliant, wasn't it?

Frankie Wilde: [Starts preparing a snort line of coke] Want a line?

Blink: Not right now, thanks. Cheers. [Frankie snorts a line with Sonya and her son watching and she covers her son's eyes]

Sonya: Frankie.

Frankie Wilde: You all right?

Sonya: [Blink starts throwing luggage cases down stairs] Yeah. I'm leaving you. I'm gonna take the tiger. That's mine. And I want those ones, obviously, because they're mine. And you can have the sculpture that your mother bought us. Aren't you upset, Frankie? Do you wanna say anything to me? Anything at all? Frankie! [Frankie just stares at her with an inappropriately mocking face]

...

Max Haggar: I love you too.

Interviewer: Where is Frankie Wilde today?

Max Haggar: What? I haven't... I haven't talked to him in almost a year now. I've heard some stories. This guy supposedly saw him in New York wearing a garbage bag for a hat and shoeboxes on his feet. And he, and he had a rock and he was trying to eat it like a sandwich. I don't... I don't think Frankie would do that. He looked like a bum. He always looked like a bum. But he had a really special bond with the homeless.

...

[Frankie peruses through the phone book and finds an address for lip reading coaching and he goes to find her sitting around her residence]

Frankie Wilde: Hello. Hello? Hello. Is this where you come if you want to learn how to read lips?

Penelope: Of course. You want to learn?

Frankie Wilde: I've got no idea what you're saying, darling. I can't hear anything. This is the place, yeah? They look like a couple of cunts. I don't know how to lip read. Maybe you should write something down. I can't hear you, and I can't read lips. So we need to get started somehow. So, maybe, write something down.

[Penelope starts her teaching lesson]

Penelope: Temper, temper. Watch. Concentrate. Watch my lips. Watch, lips. Tongue. Jaw. One's facial expression, gesture. Lip reading, is about seeing, feeling. Fill in the blanks, Frank. [Flashing cue cards] Stepdad. Husband. The quick brown fox.

Frankie Wilde: The. The. Quick. Quick. Brown. Brown Fox. Fox. Jumps over the lazy. Over the lazy dog.

Penelope: Faster.

Frankie Wilde: The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Penelope: Good. Good.

...

[They are seated at a café]

Frankie Wilde: Fucking good. They all speak English here. Don't worry. Scotch neat, please, mate.

Penelope: Double Scotch neat.

Frankie Wilde: Is that okay?

Sonya: It's very good.

Frankie Wilde: See what he comes back with.

Sonya: [Raises glass] To my lips.

Frankie Wilde: Cheers. You and me got the same hobby. Another one?

Waiter: What can I get you?

Frankie Wilde: Scotch neat, please.

Penelope: [Holds up v-sign] Double Scotch again.

Frankie Wilde: In England, it means "fuck off"! Very similar gesture.

Penelope: [Mimics gesture] Fuck off! Double!

Frankie Wilde: Double fuck off! Waiter! Double Scotch, please, mate!

Penelope: [Mouths] Just bring us the bottle.

Frankie Wilde: What do you want to drink to? Do you want to drink to something?

Penelope: Silence.

Frankie Wilde: Who's Simon?

Penelope: Silence.

Frankie Wilde: Who is he?

Penelope: Not Simon, silence.

Frankie Wilde: Are you finished with him? Good. Great. I know what I could do. I know what I could do. Fuck the DJ lark. You know on TV, you got a little ugly bird, bottom right-hand corner, doing all this business? [Mimics hand movements] I could do that. I could be a cool one. A cool little fucker in the corner of the box. I could. Think positively. Yeah. "Are you going down to Pacha tonight?" "Oh, no, mate. No, I'm staying in because Frankie Wilde's at the right-hand bottom corner of the TV tonight doing the fucking hand jive. It'll be brilliant."

Penelope: You finish?! You finish?! There's nothing wrong with being deaf! I'm deaf! Trust your other senses. Your sight, your smell and your touch. Just relax. It will come. It just takes time. It will come!

...

[Frankie finds Max lounging at a pool and sits near him]

Frankie Wilde: I once stole 500 quid from your wallet, in the studio.

Max Haggar: Well, it's only money, eh? No big deal.

Frankie Wilde: And it was me who stuck that scaff bar through the windscreen of your Merc. It wasn't that Asian kid.

Max Haggar: Well, he's probably out now anyway so no harm done.

Frankie Wilde: I shagged Twila. For three years. Because you're a mate, yeah, I only ever made love to her bum.

Max Haggar: She doesn't like it in the bum. [He waves to Twila on a floatie and she waves back]

Frankie Wilde: Have a listen to this. [Plops a demo tape on Max's belly] Tell me what you think. Yeah?

...

[Max starts banging on the sliding door of Frankie's residence with Frank oblivious to him with his back turned]

Max Haggar: Open the door! Frank! Frank! Open the fucking door! Open the door! Frank! Frank! Open the fucking door!

Penelope: [To Frank] Do you want some more coffee?

Max Haggar: Frank! Frank! Open the door! Open the fucking door! [Penelope notices him and opens the door]

Frankie Wilde: So?

Max Haggar: Oh, Frank. Oh, God.

Frankie Wilde: Yeah?

Max Haggar: Oh, God, it's good, fucking good.

Frankie Wilde: It's good?

Max Haggar: Okay, it's fucking hot. First off, did you...? Who's this?

Frankie Wilde: Max, this is Penelope. Penelope, this is Max.

Penelope: Hi, Max.

Max Haggar: Hi. Forget it. Look, Did you mix this?

Frankie Wilde: Yeah.

Max Haggar: Did you produce this?

Frankie Wilde: Yeah.

Max Haggar: Oh, fuck. Fuck it, Frank. It's gold. Fucking gold. It's beautiful.

Max Haggar: Tell me! I haven't heard it.

Frankie Wilde: It gets in your fucking chest. I've never heard nothing like it. Fucking. Like fucking heart. It changed... What? What do you mean you haven't heard it? What do you mean?

Frankie Wilde: Well, I haven't heard it.

Max Haggar: Why?

Frankie Wilde: I'm completely deaf, Max.

Max Haggar: Completely?

Frankie Wilde: Yeah. Nothing.

...

[Frankie, Penelope and Max are standing in front of a sculpture of an ear]

Max Haggar: I don't see why we should limit ourselves to deaf people, really. I don't want to reveal too much either about where we're going. But it's gonna be big. It's gonna be big, and it's gonna be handicapped. Imagine all the deaf people, all the deaf people in the world. Imagine all the deaf people, all the deaf people in the world. They need a fucking hero, Frank. They don't have a fucking hero. There's no deaf hero, huh? It's you, Frank. You're, like, the fucking link. You're drawing all the deaf kids that are screaming, with no hearing. They're yelling out to... Who's gonna listen? Not other fucking deaf kids. They can't hear, huh? You. You're the fucking voice, eh? And wait. Wait. You're gonna love this. Can you hear me? "No, I can't hear you, Max. Are you trying to make me money?" Yes. I'm making you money. Okay. Fuck, look that is just the fucking beginning. I wouldn't put my name to any old product. If I could describe it as bad speed in a can. We've all had bad speed, haven't we? I'm just gonna have a sip. I can't resist. Fuck. He made disabilities cool.

Frankie Wilde: What's with the fucking ear?

Max Haggar: The ear, that represents your deafness, okay. Deaf people hate their ears, see. Don't they? See? So it's symbolic. So you're gonna smash it. The deaf kids are gonna go fucking nuts. Don't actually hit the ear because I'll put some glass on that and turn that into a table. It's wank.

Frankie Wilde: I'm sucking deaf cock for you, mate, and I'm fucking choking on it.

Max Haggar: All right, first off, okay; you're sucking show-biz cock. But look, this is gonna be good money. This is all about cash. Shitloads of cash, Frank. And better than that, Sonya can't get her grubby fingers on this fucking money, understand? This is Sonya-free cash.

Penelope: He's not a whore!

Max Haggar: Look, Frank, okay? You're not giving me any fucking positive feedback. I need fucking... You know what really fucking bothers me about you? The fact that you think art just fucking happens. It's just free. Like these people just took out time from their fucking day to come down here and do a bunch of shit for nothing. What you gotta realize, is you're a hero. That's what the yellow's about. You make fun of me on that jacket. I picked that jacket. Deaf kids all over the world are gonna see that yellow. They'll run out, they'll buy that jacket. Two, maybe $300. They're gonna run around, proudly deaf all just yellow, fluorescently deaf.

...

[Frankie is at a press conference]

Max Haggar: Sit down.

Interviewer: Charlize Bondo, Ibiza Beat. Frankie, can you really DJ as a deaf man? How is that possible?

[Interviewers collectively murmurs]

Frankie Wilde: Yeah, quite a bit. I'm an honest man. And I can tell you that this album was made completely without the aid of my ears. And at Pacha next week, I'll be DJ'ing as a deaf man. And if you don't believe me you know, fuck you because I've got nothing, nothing to prove to you sluts at all.

Max Haggar: Okay. Okay. Role model.

Frankie Wilde: Nothing.

Max Haggar: Wait a minute. Okay, role model. Listen. Listen to me. No. No. He loves sluts. Frank loves sluts. Now, I think what he's trying to say is even though he feels he has nothing to prove to you he'd be happy to prove anything you want, to you. It's important that we all realize that this is a major comeback from a rock. You know, what he's accomplished in the last few months is astonishing. He'll be at the Pacha nightclub. You can come down and watch him mix yourself and watch the miracle happen, okay? Because, you know, I realize, okay, that there are doubters in this room which fucks me up. Because, you know, why would someone pretend to be deaf? I mean, that's retarded. That's ridic... It's not like he's fucking benefiting from this. It's a fucking obstacle. He can't hear a fuck. Your mom's a cunt. Nothing. Zero. Blank. This man, what he's done, fucking... It gets me in my fucking heart, what he's done. And you, you come down here, and you put on this big fucking show, like he's gonna fucking make shit up!

[Frankie grabs Max and consoles him]

Frankie Wilde: Relax. Relax, man.

Max Haggar: All right. Next question. One more! One more!

...

Max Haggar: We won it! Listen! Fuck! We're the fucking champions! We got the fucking award! This is it. This is our fucking moment! There's nothing... I can't... Fuck. What do you wanna do, buy the moon? We'll buy the moon! Doesn't matter. You don't understand, it's huge! Hold on. Okay, they're gonna come in. Fifteen minutes. They all wanna talk to you. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes, Frank. This is a big moment. Listen, it's important. Fifteen minutes. That's all they need. Tomorrow, big, fucking press conference. That's what we're gonna do. Very important, okay? You have to watch.

Frankie Wilde: Max?

Max Haggar: What? What?

Frankie Wilde: Can you do me a favor, mate?

Max Haggar:Anything. Anything.

Frankie Wilde: Could you leave us alone for 10 minutes?

Max Haggar:No. See, you're not listening. Okay, listen to me. Look at my lips, okay? Okay? They come in for 15 minutes of your life. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen fucking minutes. Frank.

Frankie Wilde: No, no, no, no. Frank, no. No. Frank. Frank, 10 minutes. Ten minutes. Ten minutes.

Max Haggar:Sure. Okay. Yeah. Fucking sure. What the fuck do I know? Okay, now. All right, now. Calm down. Okay, you're getting in, buddy. Don't worry. You I used to like. All right. You could do with some cheering up. All right. Okay. Hold on. Okay.

[Max comes back in the room and realises Frank has ditched him]

Max Haggar: Frankie? Frankie! Jesus Christ. Frankie! Frank! Fuck.

Cast

• Paul Kaye as Frankie Wilde
• Beatriz Batarda as Penelope Garcia
• Kate Magowan as Sonja Slowinski
• Mike Wilmot as Max Haggar
• Neil Maskel as Jack Stoddart
• Monica Maja as Charlize Bondo
• Pete Tong as Self
• Ron Lloy Hugh Elliston as Marvin Sallis
• Dan Antopolski as Eric Banning the biographer
• Tim Plester as Brent Tufford
• Tame as Music Producer
• Paul Spence as Alfonse
• David Lawrence as Horst
• Steve Oram as Blinky
• Geffen Strummer Kaye as Baby Wilde
• Borja Galban-Fear as Spanish Waiter
• S.C. Lim as Dr. Lim (as Doctor S.C. Lim)
• Sterling Williams as King
• Simon J. Willis as Camden Busker (as Simon Willis)
• Gideon Gold as Coke Badger
• Gordon Skilling as Coke Badger
• Carl Cox as Self
• Paul Van Dyk as Self (as Paul Van Dyke)
• Charlie Chester as Self
• Sarah Main as Self
• Tiësto as Self
• Danny Whittle as Self
• Barry Ashworth as Self
• Lol Hammond as Self

External links

• It's All Gone Pete Tong quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• It's All Gone Pete Tong at Rotten Tomatoes
• Official Website
• Film locations
• Film locations
• Imagine Games Network