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Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks

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Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks (or Jakers in Europe) is a computer-animated children's television series. The series was broadcast in the United States on PBS Kids. It was also broadcast in Australia on ABC Kids.

Season 1

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Pie Filling [1.1]

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Wiley: [spits out the grass he's eating] Blah! What's with this grass? It's got no flavor! No oomph! It needs salt. Maybe a touch of oregano. [Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan rush past him] Hey! We're grazing here! ...On baa-aa-aad grass. [to his flock] Hey, you know what? [the flock stare confused at Wiley] Of course you don't. But follow me anyway. Those kids are always eating. I'll bet they got great stuff. And they don't even have to pull it out of the ground with their teeth!
Wiley: Hitch up the caboose, fellas, the gravy train just pulled in!
Piggley: But what if Mammy made a big mistake, and didn't put in enough sugar? Now, wouldn't that be just terrible? She'd be so embarrassed! "Jakers!", she'd say. "Never again, will I be able to hold my head up in polite company! I didn't put enough sugar in my pie! Oh...!" [faints dramatically]
[After the children have eaten the filling in the pie.]
Ferny: Do you think your mother will notice, Piggley?
Piggley: Only if she looks.
Dannan: [panics] Oh, no! What have we done, what have we done?! This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Piggley! We're going to get in big, BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG-BIG TROUBLE!
Wiley: [carried by a crane toward the pie in the window] Lower, lower. That's it. Hold it. [sniffs the pie] Oh, that's music to my nose. [the crust deflates] Holy hairball, they sucked the pippins right out of it! And they didn't even make snickerdoodles! Pull me up, flock!
[Wiley is hoisted up, banging his head on the roof, before he is moved away from the roof.]
Wiley: I want pie, and those kids are my meal ticket!
[Wiley drops to the ground.]
Wiley: Will somebody please tell Fluffy to quit getting so close to the GEARS?!
Piggley: Jakers, Ferny! I'm doing all the jumping. Why are you breathing so hard? [the goat snorts out steam behind Piggley; he gets scared] And... and, and... snorting?! [feels the goat's beard] And... when did you start shaving?
[The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying while in the cow costume.]
Seamus: [Sean's voice] Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. You mean the goat rammed all three of you into the air?
Sean: [Seamus' voice] In a goat costume?
Grandpa Piggley: Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that?
Sean: Did it make your rump sore?
Grandpa Piggley: Well, I do still get a twinge in me backside every now and then.
Wiley: [meeting with the goat] Psst. Hey, buddy. Hiya, handsome. Like those apples, huh? Ever had them in a pie? Sure, you get crumbs in your beard, but you could use one of them little crumbs, get it right out. [the goat angrily snorts at Wiley] Right. You're busy. You got goat business, right? Haha, gotcha. There's no business like goat business. Forgive me. I'll just help myself to a few of your apples here, before I take my leave. Is that alright?
Wiley: [eating the apples] Wow, wowers! Mm, this is good, this is good, this is really good! My tongue is throwing a party for my mouth! What aroma, what bouquet! Oh, this is so delicious! Mm!
[The goat angrily enters the house.]
Piggley: [nervously] Hello, goat. You wouldn't... by any chance... be after... these apples?
[After the Winks' kitchen has been trashed by the goat.]
Ferny: Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad!
Piggley: Plan B. Molly, you go keep Mammy busy outside. We're going to clean up! Like Captain Clean of the Clean Brigade on a really clean, cleany day!
Molly: Okay, Piggley! [goes outside to distract Elly] Mammy! You came back!
Elly: Well, yes. I live here, don't you know?
Molly: [hanging on Mammy's arm] Oh! I am so glad you came home! Now you can... uh... you can hear me alphabet!
Elly: Oh, not right now, pet. I have things to-
Molly: A, B, C... Q, R, 1... I am not so nearly done.
[While cleaning the house, the kids have forgotten about the pie.]
Dannan: AAH! PIGGLEY! THE PIE!!!
Piggley and Ferny: THE PIE!!!
[Recounting eating the badly-made apple pie.]
Grandpa Piggley: That pie tasted every bit as bad as a bullfrog's bunion. But guess what? We ate it. We ate every last bite. Ugh... Just thinking about it makes me stomach turn somersaults.

Salmon of Knowledge [1.2]

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Piggley: [telling Ferny about the Salmon of Knowledge] A long time ago, in the clear blue waters of Lough Derg, there lived a simple salmon. Hanging over his watery home, there was a very special hazelnut. And inside each and every nut on that tree was all the knowledge in the whole world. One day, one of those nuts fell into the loch. And the salmon gobbled it all up, filling him to the gills with everything there is to know about... well... absolutely everything.
Wiley: [after hearing Piggley's story of the Salmon] Wow. A fish who knows everything. Think of the brain on that guy. Think of it. A fish with a giant head. And nut-crackin' teeth, big chompers! Hey, if a big-headed fish with teeth can get so smart from one little nut, think of what it can do for us sheep!
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan have caught a small fish that they think is the Salmon of Knowledge. They are keeping it in the well on the farmyard.]
Dannan: Do you really think that's the Salmon of Knowledge, Piggley?
Piggley: Course, it is! [to Ferny] Go ahead. Ask him somethin'. He knows everythin'.
Ferny: Uh... [clears throat] Uh, Mr. Brainy Fish, uh, sir. Do ya... Uh, do ya know what, uh... I had for breakfast this mornin'?
[The fish looks up at Ferny, blows one bubble, then swims away from him.]
Piggley: There. See? He says "Yes". He knows.
Dannan: I didn't hear anything.
Piggley: One bubble means "yes", and two bubbles means "no".
Dannan: Okay, so what did Ferny have for breakfast today, hmm?
Piggley: Mr. Salmon says he had... [deep breath; quickly] Six eggs, fried spuds, soda bread with marmalade, fruit, kippers, beans, and mushrooms, and porridge with milk, the top of the bottle.
Ferny: Oh... That's absolutely amazing! It really is the Salmon of Knowledge!
Piggley: Hey, Ferny. What do you wanna do tomorrow?
Ferny: Well, I usually study on Sunday. But there's no need for that now, right?
Piggley: No, sir. Not while we've got Mr. Smart Fish around.
[Ferny's stomach starts growling.]
Ferny: Janey Mack, I'm really hungry. [realizes something; gasps in horror] Wait! I didn't have breakfast this mornin'!
Piggley: [unfazed] Huh. So?
Ferny: The Salmon of Knowledge was wrong! THE SALMON OF KNOWLEDGE WAS WRONG!!! [echoing]
Mr. Hornsby: Take your time, and more carefully, you'll have no trouble as long as you've studied.
Piggley: Or as long as you've got a fish with a brain as big as Mammy's icebox.

Ferny is a Bug [1.3]

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[Padrig finds Piggley getting swarmed by bugs.]
Padrig: Careful with them fairies, son.
Piggley: "Fairies"?! Why, they're just bugs, dad.
Padrig: They could be bugs. Or they could be fairies in disguise. Fairies do that, you know.
[A bug flies on Piggley's hand.]
Piggley: [disgusted] Agh... Nothin' this ugly could be a fairy, dad.
Padrig: Careful. They don't care much now for insults. They just might turn you into a bug as well.
[One of the chickens pecks at Piggley's hand, eating the bug.]
Piggley: Ow!
Padrig: Fairies work in mysterious ways, you know.
Piggley: [chuckles] Ah, you're just havin' me on. [beat] Aren'tcha?
Padrig: [laughs] Why don'tcha run along and play now, Piggley? These chickens are fed enough.
Piggley: Thanks, dad! [runs off, passing Elly] Bye, mam!
Elly: [to Padrig] Now, what do you want to tell the boy stories like that for?
Padrig: [laughs] Don't worry. Not even Piggley would believe that one!

The Case of Big Sty [1.4]

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[The mystery show Piggley Trotter, Private Eye is playing on the radio.]
Piggley Trotter: This is my town - a good town, with good people, and one bad one. Master criminal Big Sty had given me the slip again, and... I was calling it quits for the day. I headed for home, taking a shortcut through the park. That's when she walked up. She was prettier than a French poodle. The smile that made the chickens cackle.
Mysterious lady: Mr. Trotter... I need your help.
Piggley: [listening to the radio] It's a mysterious lady!
Padrig: Shh.
Piggley Trotter: Helping is my specialty, ma'am.
Mysterious lady: I think I'm being followed.
[Molly gasps.]
Mysterious lady: Followed by... Big Sty, master of disguise.
[Piggley wears a wig made of blue yarn, scaring Molly.]
Padrig: Shh.
Mysterious lady: No... I-- I...
Big Sty: [disguised as a policeman; speaking in a Cockney accent] Come with me, ma'am. I'll take ya down the station.
Piggley: No, no! Don't go with him, mysterious lady! Don't go!
Piggley Trotter: She's not going anywhere with you... Big Sty!!
[Piggley gasps, then falls to the floor.]
Elly: [gasps]
Padrig: Shh.
Big Sty: Ohhh! Curses! How did you know it was me, Trotter?!
Piggley Trotter: Policemen don't... wear... rubber... boots!
Big Sty: Ohhhhhh! Foiled again!

All Night Long [1.5]

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Seamus: Oh, no! Crummy old wind!
Shawn: Dumb leaves!
Grandpa Piggley: Hey. What's this now?
Sean: Mom wants us to sweep off the driveway.
Seamus: But it's too windy!
Sean: Every time we get the leaves and stuff into a pile, the wind comes along and [throws the leaves in the air] "boofa-shisha-bwuwuf"!
Sean: I quit!
Seamus: Me too!
Grandpa Piggley: Are my ears deceiving me, or did I hear me own flesh and blood say the word "quit"?
Seamus: Grandpa, when something's this impossible, you have to give up!
Molly: What's so great about fishing?
Padrig: Well, now. On Lake Beghorra, ya never know what you might see. Like the time not too long ago when I was out fishin'. I wasn't catchin' so much as a cold. Then all of a sudden, I hooked the strangest thing. A hat! A red hat!
[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]
Padrig: It wasn't too long before a fella came swimmin' by, lookin' for the hat.
[Dannan, Molly, and Sweets gasp.]
Padrig: I gave it back to him, and... he thanked me kindly. Then he disappeared beneath the water.
Ferny: [gasps] Janey Mack!
Piggley: Then what happened, dad?
Padrig: Well, now... The next thing I knew, like a streak of light, me boat was jettin' across the lake, sure I couldn't see what was pullin' me, then suddenly, I came to a stop. I was at a part of the lake I'd never seen before. Lookin' around, I thought I saw that fella with the red hat swimmin' away. Then, a fish tail as big as your side slapped the water! And he was gone.
Piggley: Jakers! A... A merman!
Ferny: Oh... A fishy fello.
Padrig: Well, I can't say for sure, lads. All I know is that very place where me boat stopped... turned out to be the best fishin' spot of all time.
Padrig: It's a long time sittin' in a boat, you know. Nowhere to go, nothin' to do.
Piggley: We don't mind. [has Ferny's voice] We love sittin'. With... nothin' to do.
Padrig: It's a lot of responsibility, you know.
Dannan: We love responsibility.
Padrig: I'll be leavin' at the crack of dawn.
Piggley: We loooooove, looove gettin' up early! We'll all spend the night here, so we can leave first thing in the morning.
Ferny: Oh! That's a good idea!
Dannan: Oh, that's a great idea!
Padrig: Now hold on a minute! I didn't say I'd take you!
[The kids start begging simultaneously.]
Piggley: Pleeeaaaase?!
Dannan: Oh, pleeeeaaaase?!
Ferny: Pleeeaaase!
Padrig: We'll see how things go in the morning.
[The kids cheer.]
[Wiley is bothered by his flock's loud snoring keeping him awake.]
Wiley: Listen to that! It's like living in a buzz-saw factory! What I need is a glass of warm milk. Now that should put me out like a fuzzy light.
[Wiley places a cup under the cow's udders, and waits for it to produce milk, but nothing happens.]
Wiley: Okay. Go. [getting impatient] Any time now. I'm waiting. [notices the cow's tail] Aha! She's got a handle! Like a pump! She's a pump cow!
[Wiley starts pulling the cow's tail up and down like a pump, but this causes the cow to angrily kick Wiley across the barn and into a large haystack.]
Wiley: [from within] Got milk? No.
Wiley: Ever smell a barn? They're not minty fresh.
[Ferny has reeled in Wiley's blanket, and Wiley is attempting to pull it back.]
Wiley: Mother Nature is stealing my blanket! And she's very strong.
Padrig: What's all this ruckus now?!
[Wiley wakes up with a start after being knocked unconscious against the wall from his tug-of-war with the kids over his blanket.]
Wiley: [frightened] BAAAAAA! What--? Where--? Who--? Wow. What a dream I had. So vivid, so real, so... painful! Sleep is tough. Not sleeping is even tougher. What am I gonna do? Maybe I should sleep on it.
[Padrig catches the kids having a pillow fight.]
Piggley: Oh... Uh, hi, dad. Um... I can explain. You see--
Padrig: Explain to me how you think you can sit still on a boat, when you can't even stay in bed.
Piggley: But we were getting our--
Padrig: BED.
Piggley: Yes, dad. [returns to bed with Ferny and Dannan]
Padrig: And I don't want to have to come back here again. [leaves]
Ferny: [angry] Janey Mack, Piggley, why did you start a pillow fight?!
Piggley: I didn't start it!
Ferny: Did so!
Piggley: Did not!
Ferny: Did so!
Piggley: Did not!
Ferny: Did so!
Piggley: Did not!
Ferny: Did so!
Dannan: [covers the boys' mouths with her hands] STOOOOOOOP!!!
[Padrig hears the yelling.]
Padrig: [angry] PIGGLEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!
Piggley: [turns off the lamp] We're asleep!
[Molly wakes up and finds Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan making jam sandwiches.]
Molly: What are you all doin'?
Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan: Shhh!
Piggley: We're makin' a picnic lunch for dad!
Molly: Why are you doin' that?
[Dannan, then Piggley, then Ferny take turns shushing Molly.]
Ferny: Ugh... It's for the fishing trip tomorrow!
Molly: Oh...
Dannan: I'll take Molly back to bed. You boys go ahead and make the sandwiches.
Molly: Will you make one for me too, Piggley? Pleeeaaase?
Piggley: Okay, okay. Just be quiet!
Molly: Sweets, too? Pleeeease!
Piggley: Ugh, fine...
[Dannan takes Molly back to bed.]
Piggley: [to Ferny] Jakers...
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan think that they're not going fishing with Padrig due to their mischief tonight.]
Dannan: Oh, well. We can always play "pirates" tomorrow, instead.
Ferny: Pirates will be fun.
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are outside catching grasshoppers as fishing bait for Padrig.]
Padrig: [from inside] I wouldn't be hearin' children outside, would I?!
Piggley: [heads back in with Ferny and Dannan] We're all asleep, dad!
[The next morning...]
Piggley: Dad! Wait for us!
Padrig: After playin' around all night, you think you deserve to go with me?
Piggley: But, dad! We weren't playin'!
Padrig: I'm sorry.
Piggley: But the merman!
Padrig: Maybe another time, Piggley.
[Just then, he notices the jar of grasshoppers that Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan caught last night.]
Padrig: What's all this now?
[Padrig picks up the jar and examines it.]
Padrig: So, is this what you rascals were up to last night? You know, you should all be out pickin' spuds today for keepin' everyone up all night. But I suppose your hearts were in the right place. So, are ya gonna stand there all mornin'... or are we going fishing?
[The kids cheer.]

Picture Perfect [1.6]

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[After Piggley takes a picture of Wiley.]
Wiley: Wowee-wow-wow-wow! I've been photographed, captured on film, recorded for posterity! Just picture it: my face, appearing everywhere - newspapers, magazines, the post office! Hold it. Strike that post office. I don't wanna be that wanted. I could be big! I could be famous! I could be big and famous! I could go to the big city, meet up with destiny, get a decent cheeseburger. I gotta get that kid to take another picture of me. Maybe a nice 8 by 10 glossy, a couple of candids, some good commercial shots, maybe a full-figured cheesecake matte finish.
Wiley: There he is. My shot at the big time. I could be on Broadway, in the movies, on the radio. No. No, not the radio. They can't see me on the radio, not even if they sit real close.

Teacher Creature [1.7]

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Mr. Hornsby: Class, over the next few weeks, I will be visiting each of your families for supper. The first family I will be visiting is... Piggley's.
[Everyone, including Piggley, is shocked.]
Ferny: Are you tellin' me that Mr. Hornsby is going to be comin' right into me very own home?
Dannan: It's unnatural, I tell ya! It shouldn't be allowed! Why, I've never heard of such a thing in all me life!
Ferny: Oh. Well, I thought you really like Mr. Hornsby, Dannan.
Dannan: I do... in the classroom. That's where he belongs, and that's just where he'd ought to stay!
[Piggley imagines how Mr. Hornsby's visit to his family will go.]
Padrig: Well, Hornsby...
Mr. Hornsby: That's Mr. Hornsby!
Elly: [clears her throat] Would you like some--
Mr. Hornsby: Please raise your hand before speakin'.
[Piggley nervously slides underneath the table.]
Mr. Hornsby: Ohhhh, sit up, young man!
[Piggley sits up straight. This causes Molly to laugh.]
Mr. Hornsby: Who is laughin'?!
[Piggley points to Molly, who immediately sits up straight.]
Mr. Hornsby: [tuts disappointed] Oh... [starts grading the family one by one] "F", "F", "F"... "F".
[Molly pats her chest, then burps. The family gasps in horror. Mr. Hornsby is furious.]
Mr. Hornsby: [dramatically clearing his throat] Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-em?! That is one more big... fat... "F".
[Wiley and the flock are in the barn, itching all over.]
Wiley: Hopping hairballs! What is this?! We're infested! Inhabited! Lemme put it this way, flock. We got bugs! I know what you're thinkin'. Where do they come from? Why are they here? Should we charge rent?
[The flock tries to pick the bugs off of each other.]
Wiley: No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no! Not like that! That's how monkeys do it! We got no thumbs.
[Piggley imagines Mr. Hornsby overworking him and Ferny.]
Mr. Hornsby: Alright, now. Two plus two! Four plus four! The square root of 9! Name the seven wonders of the world. What was William Shakespeare's middle name? You'd better pick up the pace, boys. You remember what happened to your little friend Dannan.
[Dannan is sitting on a stool peeling potatoes while wearing a dunce cap.]
[Wiley and the flock are still itching.]
Wiley: What can we learn from our friends, the warthogs?
[One of the sheep, Carl, excitedly raises his hand and bleats.]
Wiley: Let's pretend Carl is a warthog. [Carl is offended] A big, fuzzy, wooly warthog. Eh... A good-looking warthog. Hey, handsome! But he's crawling with bugs! However, being a smart - oddly alluring - warthog, Carl knows exactly what to do. Stop, drop, and roll!
[Wiley sends Carl rolling across the field.]
Wiley: And like the clever warthog, Carl knows to clean his wool by covering himself in earthen filth.
[Carl rolls over Wiley.]
Wiley: [annoyed] Unfortunately, being Carl... [Carl runs him over again] He doesn't know when to stop! [Carl runs him over once more] That is one clean sheep.
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan try to get an apple for Mr. Hornsby by pulling a tree branch down to them with ropes. After struggling, the apple is now dangling within Dannan's reach.]
Dannan: Oh. There it is! I'll get it!
Grandpa Piggley: [narrating] Dannan reached out to pluck the little beauty, and...
[As soon as Dannan plucks the apple off the tree, Piggley and Ferny are launched through the air, screaming as they fly out of the orchard, then out of Ireland, then into space.]
Grandpa Piggley: [narrating] We flew into the air, and shot right through the stratosphere. Clear out into space we flew! All the way to the surface of the moon! Where we were met by a couple of crazy-looking moon men!
Sean, Seamus, and Meg: Grandpa!
Grandpa Piggley: Uh, what's the problem, children?
Meg: [in disbelief] You flew all the way to space and landed on the moon.
Grandpa Piggley: Well... Maybe we didn't actually fly into space.
Mr. Hornsby: There once was a student who got in big trouble for something he didn't even do.
Piggley: What didn't he do?
Mr. Hornsby: His homework.

Molly's Dolly [1.8]

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[After seeing Wiley run past with Molly's leprechaun doll on his back.]
Piggley: If he is a leprechaun, he's probably headed for his pot of gold! Come on!
Elly: [calling from inside] Piggley! It's time for supper!
Piggley: Aaaahhh, no! It's always suppertime at the wrong time!
Piggley: [reading from Elly's book about leprechauns] "Leprechauns are excellent shoemakers, but they only make one shoe, never a pair." Hmm. "When he's finished with his work, the leprechaun always makes a delicious feast. He can sometimes be seen riding a dog or a sheep. All leprechauns--"
[Piggley remembers seeing Molly's doll riding on Wiley.]
Piggley: [gasps] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! He rides a sheep?! Jakers! That doll is a real leprechaun!
Wiley: Good morning, flock. Yesterday's run was a stunning success. You should've been there. And of course, you weren't. And I know why. Motivation. You need a reason to run. And what could that reason be? Simple. A prize.
[Wiley's flock bleats excitedly.]
Wiley: That's right. First sheep to finish the annual Wiley Cross-Country Sheep Race wins... a prize.
[Wiley's flock bleats with excitement again, then starts racing, running over Wiley in the process.]
Wiley: Now that's... motivation. Motivation... and pain.
[After the sheep have finished their race...]
Wiley: What a race, what a race! The wind in our wool, the sound of thundering hooves, a chicken on my back... Okay, the chicken was a little weird, but the rest was great!
[The flock murmurs in confusion.]
Wiley: Uh, oh yeah, yeah, the winner of the race, right, right. Uh... [clears throat] It is with great sheeply pleasure that I declare the winner is none other than Fluffy!
[The flock bleats excitedly.]
Wiley: And his prize is... a deep sense of pride in knowing he's done his very best. Congratulations, Fluffy!
[The flock all bleat in confusion, then all approach Wiley.]
Wiley: Uh, I'm sensing a modicum of disappointment here. Look. I'm a farm animal. What'd you expect, a burger and fries? Oh, I see. Uh, great, great, you want another race. A rematch. Okay, perfect. Work those legs and breathe that air. You're too close! You're too close!

Song of the Banshee [1.9]

[edit]
Wiley: Welcome, folk. I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today. [the flock doesn't respond] Okay. Let's pretend you're all wondering why I called you here today. Glad you asked. I think it was Aristotle who said, "How about a song? Gimme a song." And he... He was a smart guy. [still no response] Look. We're sheep. But that doesn't mean we can't develop a little culture. We gotta sing! We gotta dance! We gotta ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha! [still no response] Well, okay. Alright, we'll start with the singing, and end with the "ha-cha-cha-chaddy-cha". Let's go, sheep! [starts singing] My wiiiild I-I-I-Irish rooooose... The sweetest flower that-- [stops singing when he notices that the flock isn't singing along] I'm singing to an oil painting here.
[Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan are pretending to be pirates in the barn.]
Piggley: For crimes against the Jolly Roger, including tryin' to steal the treasure chest, I, Captain Piggley, sentence you, Dastardly Dannan, to walk the plank. Any last words before we throw you to the sharks?!
[The sharks are just the chickens.]
Dannan: I have been unjustly accused as a traitor! The ghost of Dastardly Dannan will return for revenge!
[Dannan jumps off the plank and lands on the floor, amongst the chickens. Piggley and Ferny look down.]
Ferny: [victoriously] Aaarrrr!
[Suddenly, the kids all hear an eerie wail.]
Dannan: What's that?!
Ferny: W-Where's it comin' from?
Piggley: Maybe... It's the ghost of Dastardly Dannan!
Dannan: It couldn't be! I'm right here! Maybe the chickens have a stomachache!
Piggley: Or maybe... it's a banshee!
Ferny: [scared] A BANSHEE!!!
Dannan: [scared] A banshee...?!
Piggley: Terrible, ghost-like banshee that dresses all in black, and wears a great, huge hood over its head, you know. [approaches Dannan] It floats into your room, moving right through the walls, and soars right up to you! Then, it starts to sing a song of doom. Doom...! Doooooom!
[The eerie wailing returns. The kids all scream in terror and flee the barn.]
Don Toro: Ah, it's too bad, little Dannan. It seems that you believe more in banshees than you believe in your friends.
Wiley: [getting his flock's attention] Hey! There's Lassie! Thank you. Remember last night, when we were trying to... sing? Well... it stunk. But tonight, we're gonna make it different. We're gonna shoot for the stars. Tonight, we're gonna go for mediocre! Okay, we're gonna use the buddy system, we're gonna divide up into groups. Now, I want high voices over here, low voices over there... [the flock starts moving around] Large voices here... Wait. Short voices... Hold it. [groans] STOP, STOP!!!
[The flock crashes and pile up on each other.]
Wiley: Okay, new plan. We're all going to stand in one place. That's perfect.
Ferny: Are you alright?
Piggley: You scared the living daylights out of me!
Ferny: It's okay, Dannan. I just scared Piggley a bit.
Piggley: I wasn't scared.
Ferny: You said you were. You said I scared the living daylights out of you.
Dannan: Well, I'm really scared right now!
Piggley: No, you're not. You're not afraid of anything, Dannan.
Dannan: Uh... except... BANSHEES!!! I really hate banshees!
Wiley: Whoa, hold it, stop, please, before we make anything with ears angry! Okay, let's face it, we can't sing. We're baa-aa-aad singers. Which is strange, since you guys are Irish. But... I'll bet you can dance. And a-one... And a-two... [starts dancing] Watch me, flock! I'm a dancer! I'm a dancing fool! I'm a... [stops dancing] I'm an idiot. I'm dancing all by myself here.
Wiley: ...bloom from my wild Irish... roooooose...! Okay, one more time! My wild... Irish rooo-ooooooooose!
Wiley: Just sheep, just sheep? We are not just sheep! I am a star, and this is my audience!
[The flock claps for Wiley.]
Wiley: Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. You've been a great flock. I'll be here every Thursday through Saturday, two shows on Friday. And now, we dance!

Our Dragon's Egg [1.10]

[edit]
[The children are singing as they pretend to be dragon-hunting knights.]
Piggley: We brave knights be huntin' for dragons.
Dannan: With fiery breath and spiny backs.
Ferny: We'll trounce them all and fix their wagons...
All: Or... they will have us all for snacks! [echoing]
[Leaving Dannan in charge of the egg.]
Ferny: Uh, Piggley, do you think the baby dragon might really eat Dannan?
Piggley: No. They only eat princesses.
Ferny: Oh. [Molly peeks over the gate] Piggley, where are we gonna find a princess?
Molly: I'm a princess. Someday, I'll be the queen.
Ferny: [bluntly] You're a goner.
[Thinking Dannan was eaten by the "dragon".]
Ferny: [singing sadly] Poor old Dannan is no more... The dragon gave a mighty roar... He swallowed Dannan whole today... Our friend Dannan's gone... away...
Wiley: [talking to another sheep] I tell you, I gave that egg the best minute of my life. [after a beat, he starts crying] Oh, where's my little honker? Where's my little oval? [blows his nose in the other sheep's wool] Where are you now, Eggy?
Padrig: What's all the commotion, then?
Elly: Piggley has let a turkey loose in the kitchen.
Piggley: It's not a turkey! I'd never bring a turkey into the house!
Padrig: You're right, Piggley. It's not a turkey.
Elly: Well, then, what is it?
Piggley: It's a dragon!
Padrig: It's a cygnet. A cygnet is a baby swan.
Piggley: A baby swan?!

The Cat Came Back... and Back [1.11]

[edit]
Hector: Hey, Piggley Dink. I'll swap you some of that licorice... for nothin'!

Good Neighbor [1.12]

[edit]
Scary Monster Theater Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, don't be fooled. That ordinary barn across the way may not be so ordinary after all. It could just be the secret laboratory of... a mad scientist!
Grandpa Piggley: Now going to bed late and getting a good night's sleep after a mad scientist episode was always a bit of a challenge. And even though we knew it was all just pretend, it could sometimes cause our imaginations to get the better of us.
Grandpa Piggley: The imagination is a wonderful, fascinating, terrifying thing, so it is. It can make mountains out of mountains, and monsters out of... just about anything.
Dannan: [pretending to be a monster] Ferny, come out! I want your brain! Must... have... brain! [roars] Give me... BRAIN!!! [roars]
Don Toro: I'm so sorry, monster, but I'm afraid I can't let you have Fernando's brain. You see, he uses it himself sometimes.
Wiley: The last time I got clipped, I got clipped. The guy had no sense of style. I'm a good-lookin' sheep, you know. I got an image to maintain. How would I look with a crewcut? Maybe a flattop. Give me that dangerous sheep look. "Hey, kids, leave that sheep alone. He's got a dangerous haircut." Yeah... I don't know. Maybe a ducktail.
Wiley: [reading a feed bag] Wheat germ, flax seed, hay... [annoyed] Oats. That's the trouble with these feed bags. They all end the same. Oats.
Dannan: What's in the bag?
Piggley: I don't think it's potatoes.
Ferny: I wonder what else was in that sack he was draggin' in there.
Dannan: I'll bet there were some brains in it.
Ferny: Oh, you think so?
Piggley: Don't be daft. You don't put brains in a sack.
Dannan: And why not?
Piggley: They'd leak all over the place. You put brains in jars. Besides, Fergal doesn't have any brains yet. That's why he's making friends with Molly. So he can take hers.
Ferny: Janey Mack.
Dannan: I can't believe he wants Molly's brain! I mean, why couldn't he just take the brain of one of his other mad scientist friends?!
Ferny: Well, I don't think there are any other mad scientists around here to be friends with.
Piggley: Jakers! That's why he's making a monster!
Dannan: What?
Piggley: Fergal O'Hopper is building a monster to be his friend!
Dannan: A friend with the brain of your sister, Piggley!
Ferny: Well, why wouldn't he just make friends with your sister?!
Piggley: A mad scientist doesn't stop to think of those things. That's why they're mad, Ferny! And I won't have it, I tell you! I'm going over there right now to save Molly!

Rock Around the Cluck [1.13]

[edit]
Wiley: [hearing Molly's violin playing] Wowie, wow-wow-wow. What is that? Whatever it is, it's BAA-AA-AAD. It sounds like it's in pain. It must be starving or something. A starving creature is not a good thing for us sheep. We're very tasty, you know. [runs to the flock] Okay, flock, don't panic. Run for your lives!
[The frightened flock stampede, running over Wiley.]
Wiley: They can't catch you if you zig-zag! [runs after the flock in a zig-zag pattern] Zig-zag, zig-zag, zig-zag!
Wiley: [hears Molly's violin again] You hear that? It's that sheep-eating thing again. So what are we gonna do? I'll tell you what we're gonna do, I'm glad you asked. We're gonna prepare. We're gonna learn what to do in case that thing stops screaming, and starts looking for a woolly midnight snack. First, we gotta figure out what that thing is. Let's say, it's a lion.
[A sheep bleats with question.]
Wiley: Okay, Shirley wants to know what a lion is. Who can answer that? [the sheep just look around] It seems like nobody, except me. And take it from me, you don't wanna know. So imagine instead a giant sheep-eating squirrel. [acts ferocious] Baaaaa! Baaaaa! Now, pretend I'm that squirrel. What do we do?
[A giant walnut falls next to Wiley.]
Wiley: Haha. You know, if I was that squirrel, and I was looking for nuts... you guys would be in big trouble.
Padrig: Who's Cluck Cockwren?!
Grandpa Piggley: [describing his stage fright] And my confidence disappeared faster than a magician's rabbit.
Piggley: Jakers. The place is packed. Everyone in the whole town is here.
Dannan: Of course they are. You told them to come, didn't you?
Piggley: I know, but...
Ferny: But? But? But what?
Piggley: Well, uh... What if we're not as good as Cluck Cockwren? What if we're not any good at all?
Ferny: Oh... But you said we were, Piggley. You told everyone.
Dannan: Oh... You better not have been messing with us, Piggley. It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were bad after all the fuss you made.
Piggley: Well, now... I think we're good. But you know... I'm not sure we're as good as Cluck.
Dannan: Oh, dear...
Ferny: Oh, Janey Mack...

Donkeys Into Racehorses [1.14]

[edit]
Wiley: Would you look at that? We get grass, and the donkey gets fruit! [see a chicken eating a worm] And look at that! The chicken gets spaghetti! From the earth! Earth spaghetti! Who knew? [looks at another worm sticking out from the ground] Would you look at that? I can't eat this. What if I eat him and his friends come looking for him? Worse, what if they find him? Crawl free, buddy. [the worm slithers away] You know, someday, I may be in trouble, and that little squirmy guy might save my life. [the sheep look unamused] ...Yeah, I don't buy it either.
Grandpa Piggley: I tell you, I'd never seen anything like it. All that oats made that old donkey run faster than any racehorse I'd ever seen before, or ever seen since. Like the lightning, he was! In fact, faster than lightning!
Sean and Seamus: Grandpa!
Grandpa Piggley: Okay. Maybe not as fast as all of that.

Fir Not [1.15]

[edit]
Grandpa Piggley: We've been visited by a fir darrig.
Sean: Far jarry?
Seamus: Far jagger?
Grandpa Piggley: Fir. Darrig. Are you lads ever going to learn to speak the language?
[Describing the fir darrig.]
Piggley: He's about the size of a leprechaun. With a tail.
Dannan: And he has whiskers.
Piggley: And... huge flappy ears.
Dannan: And little beady eyes. [points to Wiley] Like him!
Wiley: Me?
Dannan: And a snout like you wouldn't believe.
Piggley: And broad shoulders!
Dannan: And teeny-tiny little feet.
Wiley: Delicate. Not tiny. Delicate.
Wiley: Let's face it, Wiley. You got it. And what is "it"? I don't know. That's why it's called "it", instead of... Debbie.
[The sheep are chasing after the pie on the fishing line like in a football game.]
Wiley: Nice recovery by Darla! They don't call her the Wooly Wonder for nothing.
[The aforementioned sheep crashes.]
Wiley: ...Come to think of it, they don't call her the Wooly Wonder.
Wiley: What a game! What excitement! It's a kaleidoscope of competition! The thrill of victory, the agony of--
[The sheep running with the pie gets its wool pulled off by another. The sheep stops in embarrassment, before the pie is snatched away.]
Wiley: ...a bald sheep with no pie!
[Wiley gets the pie snatched away from him on the fishing line by Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]
Wiley: Now that's fast food.
[The pie has smashed a window on Piggley's house.]
Dannan: Oh, now you've done it!
Piggley: Me?!
Dannan: You shouldn't have pulled so hard!
Piggley: It was Ferny who put his weight into it!
Ferny: Oh, but Dannan threw it off balance!
Dannan: Oh no, I did not!
Ferny: You did so!
Dannan: Did not!
Piggley: Did so!
Ferny: You were the one in front!
Piggley: I was barely touching it!
Dannan: You were stepping on my toes!
Piggley: You know, we didn't actually see the window break, did we?
Dannan: Trust me, Piggley. That's a BROKEN window.
Padrig: If these fine, honest children say that this was done by a fir darrig, then that must have been the case. Why, they would never make up such a story. Everyone knows a fir darrig is a rascal to start with. And if you were to blame him for something he didn't do, well... he could be mean! Even downright spiteful!
Wiley: I'm gifted enough to perform any kind of story. Mystery? Haha! What's that? I don't know! Romance. Dare I tell you of my love? Dare I let the honeyed words drop slowly from my lips? I dare! Westerns! Howdy, partners. Howdy, ma'am. Reckon I'll head down the trail a piece. Some dude with a rig on his hip is a-takin' to make a heap of trouble, I reckon.
[Padrig is pretending to scold Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.]
Padrig: Now, see here, you ruffians! How dare you break a window, then blame a poor innocent fir darrig for your own mischief! For shame! Shame, I say! [Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan beg] A lifetime of peelin' potatoes is too good for the likes of you!
Piggley: Keep it up, Dad. [he, Ferny, and Dannan go back to begging]
Padrig: It's cleaning the barn for you, top to bottom, spic and span! And none of ya will see the light of day until the barn is as clean as a whistle!
Ferny: Please, sir! Anything but that!
Padrig: It's no use begging for mercy! Me mind's made up!
[Cleaning the barn.]
Ferny: Oh, this is a powerful big job.
Dannan: Well, it's a powerful big apology we've got to be giving to the fir darrig.
Ferny: You know, come to think of it, I never did see that fir darrig.
Dannan: You're right! We never did! Why, how do we know that there ever was one, and if he was ever truly mad at us?
Ferny: Oh, Janey Mack! And we gave ourselves all this extra work!
Piggley: Maybe you're right, lads. But then again... maybe not.

The Legend of Raloo [1.16]

[edit]
Mr. Hornsby: And Cú Chulainn said to himself, "I am all alone against all those who will follow Queen Maeve. I cannot defeat them, but I must not let them win."
Ferny: I don't want to be a prisoner. Besides, in the story, Queen Maeve was the enemy of Cú Chulainn. You should be taking her prisoner, not me.
Dannan: [laughs] This is our legend, prisoner! And in our story, all the Irish are on the same side.
Piggley: You see, Ferny. It's like when martians invade in movies. You're the invader, and we're protecting Ireland.
Ferny: [sadly] Oh.
Dannan: And now, baddie, you're our prisoner!
Ferny: Not anymore, I'm not! [throws down his bucket helmet and runs away] Now I'm an escaped prisoner!
Piggley: [laughs] That's good, Ferny!
Dannan: We can't let the prisoner escape, Cú Chulainn!
Piggley: Go on, Ferny! You're gonna have to run faster than that so we can chase ya!
Dannan: And capture you again!
Ferny: I don't want to run faster, and I don't want to be captured again, and I don't want to play anymore!
Ferny: What fun is it being the enemy all day, just 'cause I'm Spanish? Maybe I'd run all the way back to Spain. That'd show 'em.
Wiley: [hearing the night sounds] I haven't heard this much noise since Bernie sat on a hedgehog!
[NOTE: The captions mistakenly use Ferny's name instead of Bernie.]

Milk Melodrama [1.18]

[edit]
Wiley: Okay, the colorful sheep improvement project has not been going that well. In fact, I wouldn't be out of line to say, it stinks. Painting Fluffy made his wool all stiff and weird, so we had to shave Fluffy, who, until his wool grows back, will now be known as Skinny.

No Girls Allowed [1.19]

[edit]
Wiley: I can't stand it anymore! "Baa, baa"! That's all you ever say!
Gray sheep: What do you expect? They're sheep.
Wiley: Yeah, that's true, but-- Hey, whoa, you talked! You opened your mouth and real words came out!
Gray sheep: Boy, nothing gets by you, does it?
Wiley: Finally, someone to talk to! This is great! We can discuss poetry, and music, macramé! We can have an intelle-cellec-cellec-ellectual exchange!
Gray sheep: Do you mind? You're-- You're standing on my lunch.
Wiley: Oh, I'm sorry.
Dannan: So, you're in the spooky storytellers club without me, are you? And I can't be in the club because I'm a girl, am I? And girls are scared of ghosts and things, are they?! YOU BOTH KNOW QUITE WELL THAT I'M NOT AFRAID OF GHOSTS, OR MONSTERS, OR SPOOKY STORIES!!!
Ferny: Uh, Piggley? I think she's mad.
Piggley: Uh, Dannan... We know you're not scared of those things, and you're great at telling spooky stories, but Hector says--
Dannan: HECTOR?! ...Well now, if Hector says it, it must be true. Scary stories told by brave boys like yourself just might be too much for a delicate thing like me.
Ferny: Really?
Piggley: Oh. You're not mad, then?
Dannan: Mad? Ha! Don't be silly. You boys go on ahead to your little storytelling club. Have a scary good time! I insist! Hee-hee! [steps out the barn] It's going to be a lot scarier than you think it'll be!
Gray sheep: So, what do you do for fun around here?
Wiley: We graze. Then we walk. Sometimes we mosey. Then we graze again. Walk, graze, walk, graze, walk--
Gray sheep: Okay, okay, got it. [watches the flock] Not exactly overachievers, are they?
Wiley: [offended] Hey, this is my flock you're talking about. They may not be the smartest.
[A sheep stands under an overturned bucket wedged between a fence and a wall, as water drips on its head.]
Wiley: Or the second smartest.
[A sheep knits a sock with its own wool.]
Wiley: [embarrassed] Or the third.
[A sheep blows on another sheep's propeller beanie.]
Gray sheep: [sighs with annoyance] Is this gonna go on long?
Wiley: Usually an hour and a half.
Gray sheep: I think it's time for some changes around here.
Gray sheep: [being pampered by three lady sheep] So then I said, "What do you think I'm made of, wool?"
[The lady sheep giggle.]
Wiley: Agnes! Lucille! Mary-Lou! What are you doing?! Whoa, look at the shine on those hooves!
Gray sheep: Dazzling, aren't they? Uh, you missed a spot.
Wiley: Look, pal, all you've done since you've got here is insult me and my flock. And now if I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to take over as head sheep.
Gray sheep: He's cute, but a little slow.
Wiley: That's it! We are going to settle this the way they do in Brooklyn!
Gray sheep: You mean...?
Wiley: You got it! A dance-off! Hit it! [dances]
Gray sheep: Not bad, but you're looking at a three-time golden hooves champion.
[Wiley and the other sheep dance together while the flock watches.]
Gray sheep: Well, flock, which one of us has the magic feet?
[After a beat, the entire flock blows a raspberry. Wiley and the gray sheep slump sadly.]
Gray sheep: Hoo... Tough audience.
Grandpa Piggley: Ferny and I really wanted to like Hector's version of "The Hand with the Thirteen Fingers". We truly did. But we couldn't help remembering how much more fun and scary it was when Dannan had told us the story the summer before. Of course, now that I think of it, I don't know if it would have really mattered if Hector had been the greatest storyteller of all time or not. For Ferny and myself, something was missing. And that something was Dannan.
Gosford: Okay, and then they heard this noise... Oh, wait. Did I say first it was a ghost ship? Okay, sorry. [laughs] It was a ghost ship. [honks] So, they heard this noise, and oh no, it's not a ghost ship! Okay, everybody, forget I said that! They hear the noise, and that's the ghost ship!
Piggley: Jakers. I'd love to hear Dannan tell this one.
Ferny: Oh, me too.
Gosford: So, now the ghost ship, honk, comes up next to the other ship. Wait, wait just a second. And there are ghosts on it! Honk. On the ghost ship, that is, on the other ship, I'm not really sure, so we'll just pretend there's just like a giant squid.
Elly: Well, excuse me, boys, but I heard you were telling scary stories here. Would it be alright if I listened in?
Padrig: I know she's a girl, but I'm hoping you might make an exception for your own mother.
Hector: Well, uh... Being a mother isn't the same as being a girl.
Piggley: It's okay, Mammy. You can stay.
Elly: Oh, thank you, boys.
Piggley: See, Hector? Girls can be just as scary as you. Scarier, even!
Wiley: This farm's not big enough for the two of us.
Gray sheep: You are right, fuzzy, so there's only one thing left to do. A vote. Okay, flock. It's up to you. Who will it be? A multi-talented, curly-wooled sheep about town such as myself... or him?
[The flock looks at Wiley and the gray sheep. Wiley smiles and waves at his flock. Soon, one by one, the flock walks up to Wiley's side, much to the surprise of the gray sheep.]
Gray sheep: Well, I... I have to hand it to you, Wiley. You are the leader of one loyal flock.
Wiley: I am? [the other sheep nod]
Gray sheep: And you're a pretty good dancer, too. [dons his top hat] Maybe we'll meet up again when I've brushed up a bit. [dances and leaves whistling]
[Wiley and the flock wave goodbye.]
Wiley: Uh, so, sweetheart, what did you think of my dancing? Be honest. [the sheep whispers to Wiley] Not that honest. [laughs] You sweet-talker.

New Best Friends [1.20]

[edit]
Gosford: My oak tree is ancient!
Dannan: My rowan tree is prehistoric!
Wiley: Who wants to get Uncle Wiley a pillow? Who wants to get Uncle Wiley an ice pack?
Wiley: A flower? After what you kids put me through, you think a flower is gonna make it all better?

Treasure Hunt [1.21]

[edit]
Wiley: Okay, no more treasure hunt. After all, the best things in life are free. If only I could believe that.

A Little Bit of Something Extra! Extra! [1.23]

[edit]
Piggley: Sir, Piggley Winks from the Tara School News here! Are you lost?
Male pig citizen: Eh, no, I...
Piggley: Have you been robbed?
Male pig citizen: No.
Piggley: Did your house burn down?
Male pig citizen: Oh, I hope not!
Piggley: Have you seen any good movies lately?
Male pig citizen: [frustrated] I... I'm just looking for me car!
Piggley: Aha! Your car has been stolen! Tell me, who do you think might have stolen it, then?
Male pig citizen: Well, it's not stolen! I just can't remember where I parked it. [laughs] There it is!
Dannan: Oh, it's too bad he found his car. That would've made a fine story.
Dannan: News isn't about pretending. It's about telling the truth.
Piggley: But we're not finding any interesting truth to tell.
Dannan: Made-up news isn't real news, Piggley.
Wiley: Hopping hairballs! No Little Baa! Where are you?!
Hector: [seeing Little Baa in the cauliflower box] The cauliflower is alive!

Ferny Gets a Crush [1.24]

[edit]
[The sheep are terrified by the sound of Padrig's tractor backfiring.]
Wiley: Hey, hey. What are you guys hiding behind me for? Oh yeah, I forgot. Defender of the flock, and all that. Hey, you think maybe we could start that defending stuff tomorrow?
[The sheep bleat and push Wiley to the door.]
Wiley: Alright, I'm going, I'm going. What a stupid day to become a knight.
[Wiley goes outside, and sees smoke from the tractor coming out from the side of the barn.]
Wiley: Sweet Sally from Sligo! It's a dragon! Some day, I'm sure I'll look back on this thing and laugh. Or scream in terror. Who knows?

Lucky U [1.26]

[edit]
Grandpa Piggley: [singing Molly Malone while watering his garden]
She wheeled the wheelbarrow
Through streets broad and narrow
Crying "Cockles and mussels!"
"Alive, alive-oh!"
"Alive, alive-oh...!"
"Alive, alive..."

Season 2

[edit]

Molly Had a Little Lamb [2.2]

[edit]
Molly: No! This is naughty, Lamby! This food doesn't belong to you! I'm sorry, but you shouldn't even be here. Lambs should be in the field with the other sheep. It's time to take you home.

Rain, Rain Go Away [2.4]

[edit]
Wiley: Hey, flock. Anybody notice anything, like water? Of course, you don't. Nothing can get through that thick wool of yours. Me, I'm delicate. I notice things, like when I'm being rained on. [lots of rain falls down on Wiley] That's it. I'm off to find someplace that's not so damp. [slips and falls in the water] Hold my calls.
Piggley: [making a sandwich his own way for Molly] Now, what do you say to that?
Molly: THAT'S NOT HOW MAMMY DOES IT!!!
Piggley: Of course not! Like I told you, it's a Piggley special.
Molly: I don't like the Piggley special sandwich! I like Mammy's sandwiches!
Piggley: Sure you haven't even tried it?
Molly: MAMMYYYYYY!!!
Wiley: Look at this place! No wonder they call it a ruin, it's ruined!
Wiley: [inside a dark castle with a bunch of wild goats] No offense, but someone here has missed their appointment with a shower.
Piggley: [reading to Molly] Buck Bravo was the bravest sheriff in the wild west. Wherever he went, people felt safer knowing he was on the job.
Molly: Where's the wild west?
Piggley: In America. It's where cowboys come from. Whenever there was trouble, a call would go out, and Buck would ride to the rescue.
Molly: [gasps] To save a princess?
Piggley: There's no princesses in the wild west, Molly. Buck would saddle up his trusty horse, Dusty, and--
Molly: Can Dusty fly?
Piggley: Horses can't fly, Molly.
Molly: Princess Princy Plumme's horse can fly.
Piggley: [gives up] And they lived happily ever after, the end!
Wiley: Yuck. I've heard about caves. They're dark, and dirty, and filled with bats. Ugh. But dry. Very dry.
Piggley: You're not running out into the rain to tell Mam that I'm not sharing a pretend bird with you!

A Touch of Spain [2.5]

[edit]
Dannan: Why is it that not one of us knew that donkeys don't wear horseshoes?
Piggley: Oh, I guess that's why they don't call it donkeyshoes.
Dannan: At least the horse is happy.
[Piggley goes to Dannan's house early the next morning.]
Piggley: Dannan, Dannan, I have to talk to you!
Dannan: Piggley, you wouldn't put a dog out this early in the morning.
Piggley: But, Dannan! I know how to keep Don Toro from going back to Spain!
Dannan: What are you doing to do, wake him up so he's too tired to go?
Piggley: I've got the perfect plan. Don Toro's leaving 'cause he misses Spain, right?
Dannan: Right...
Piggley: So, instead of going to Spain, we bring Spain to him!
Dannan: You are sleep deprived.

Waking Thor [2.7]

[edit]
Piggley: A sandwich! Raw vegetables! They've turned me into... Vlad the Daft!
Dannan: [gasps] A vampire! Don't worry, Ferny! I'll protect ya!
Ferny: Why do they call you "Daft"?
Piggley: Because I always do the opposite of what I'm told!
Ferny:
Oh...
Thor, I'll miss you
And I'll feel sad
But I won't forget
The good times we had
I gave you your name
And I gave you care
But you gave me something
Much more rare
Deep in my heart
You'll always be there...

Dannan Does a Jig [2.10]

[edit]
Wiley: Look, if you guys don't start shaping up, I'm gonna have to bring in a sheepdog to control you! A sheepdog! You know, the kind with teeth!
Wiley: Who says you can't teach an old sheep new tricks?
[Dannan's feet are painted red and blue to help her dance, but she crashed in the middle of dancing.]
Dannan: Me feet might be red and blue, but me backside is black and blue.
Wiley: [tired of pretending to be a sheepdog] This dog stuff is for the birds, and I am a sheep.
[Dannan is having a nightmare where she embarrasses herself and her grandmother with her dancing in front of the whole school.]
Grandma: [disappointed] Just like your grandfather!

Wish Upon a Story (Part 1) [2.12]

[edit]
[In Sean's story, Molly asks to ride the Raloo Rocket, which has turned into a real rocket.]
Piggley: Are you whacked?! It's too dangerous for little girls!
Molly: No fair!
Piggley: Yes, fair!
Molly: Well, if you ask me, I think this whole thing is bogus!
Elly: Don't you be coming home late for dinner now, little dude.
Wiley: [riding Finnegan in Egypt] Hey, hey, we're walkin' here!
Dannan: I think you're headed right towards the Eiffel Tower, Commander Piggley!
Ferny: Hit the brakes!
Piggley: I don't think there are any brakes!
Ferny: Oh. Bummer.
Piggley: [landing on the moon] That's one small step for me, but one giant leap for kid-kind!
[In Meg's story, Dannan has made a wish to control Mr. Hornsby's words.]
Mr. Hornsby: Now, class... [Meg: Said the teacher.] Your homework, I'm saying...
Dannan: [quietly] Is put all your books down...
Mr. Hornsby: ...is put all your books down, go out and start playing?!
Class: Huh?!
Mr. Hornsby: Instead of a test, now, here's what we'll be doing, we'll go out and play 'til the cows all stop mooing?! [gasps and covers his mouth]
Dannan: [laughs]
Mr. Hornsby: In fact, my dear children, forget being smarties! The rest of the day, WE'LL HAVE NOTHING BUT PARTIES!!!
Wiley: They're having a party. Well, that's truly amazing. Those kids are as happy as hungry sheep grazing. Hey, whaddya know? I'm a poet, and I don't even know it.
Wiley: [seeing Ferny as a giant] Hoppin' hairballs, someone oughta tell that kid to lay off the nachos.

The Creepy Cabbages of County Galway [2.14]

[edit]
Padrig: [on a crossword puzzle] A five-letter word meaning "elf".
Elly: Gnome.
Padrig: Piggley, you're supposed to be in bed.
Piggley: But I love scary shows! Scary Monster Theater is me favorite!
Padrig: Scary Monster Theater is for children. Creepy Theater is for grown-ups.
Elly: That's why it's on after your bedtime.
[Piggley is listening to the radio show from inside his bedroom.]
Professor's wife: [on radio] Quiet night, professor?
Professor: [on radio] Indeed. Maybe, a little too quiet.
Elly: Piggley, are you under your covers?
Piggley: Uh, yes, mam, I'm under me covers. [snickers]
Professor's wife: It's a beautiful night.
Professor: Beautiful, but still too quiet.
Professor's wife: [gasps] What's that? [panicked] In the cabbage field!
[Piggley becomes scared as he keeps listening, and hides under his covers.]
Professor: [gasps] IT'S ALIVE!!! CABBAGE!!! ALIVE!!!
Dannan: What are you two doing flying about in your noisy rocket like that while I'm trying to study?
Piggley: Uh, there's no need for studying, Dannan. I'm having a dream.
Ferny: With cabbages! [chuckles]
Dannan: Why do you have cabbages in your dream, Piggley?
Piggley: Probably because I listened to the Creepy Theater radio show just before I fell asleep.
Dannan: [furious] WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT-WHAT?! You were listening to Creepy Theater? [Piggley guiltily nods] Didn't your parents tell you that's a grown-up show?
Piggley: I figure I'm grown-up enough, Dannan. [after a beat, frowns]
Dannan: Oh, you think so? Well, I won't be any part of a dream that comes from disobeying your parents!
Piggley: Okay, Dannan! But you're going to miss out on all the fun!
Dannan: Fun? Ha! Mark my words, Piggley. No good'll come of this rule-breaking stuff!
Cabbage vendor: Cabbages! I've got cabbages! Get your cabbages today!
Miss Nanny: How would you boys like some free sweets?
Piggley: Sweets?
Ferny: Oh, thank you, Miss Nanny! Piggley, you should've been dreaming about this from the start.
Miss Nanny: Oh, how about something extra special? I have just the thing in me shop. Wait here. [goes into her shop]
Ferny: Oh... I'd rather have sweets than fly in a wagon any old day of the week.
Piggley: You can have sweets anytime, Ferny.
Ferny: Right, but I'd still rather have 'em.
Miss Nanny: [comes out of her shop] Here you go. Have some nice, chocolate-covered... cabbage!
Piggley: CABBAGE?!
Miss Nanny: If you don't like chocolate, how about a peppermint cabbage?
[Piggley and Ferny gasp.]
Miss Nanny: Or perhaps butterscotch cabbage? Cotton cabbage? A cabbage toffee? [becoming gradually hysterical] A cabbage cake? Lolly-cabbage-pops! [Piggley and Ferny run away] Tutti-frutti cabbage! CABBAGE-SICLES!!!
Wiley: You know what they say, Bernie. You are what you eat. [Bernie has been turned into a cabbage with hooves] So I'm thinking, maybe you should lay off cabbages for a little while. [the other sheep are all cabbages] In fact, the whole flock should lay off cabbages!
[A carrot with hooves walks up.]
Wiley: Except for you, Ethel. You should cut down on the carrots. [the carrot droops sadly]
Ferny: Piggley, you've got to stop dreaming about cabbages!
Piggley: I can't, Ferny!
Ferny: [frantically shakes Piggley] Then wake up! Come on! WAKE UP!!! [splashes a bucket of water on Piggley]
Piggley: It's no good, Ferny.
Ferny: What if you never wake up?
Piggley: Let's make a promise. Right here and right now. That we'll stay together always and none of us will ever become a cabbage.
Ferny: Raloo Oath.
[Ferny spits into his hand, as does Piggley. But as soon as they shake hands, Piggley notices in horror that Ferny's hand has turned into a big green leaf.]
Piggley: Ferny! Your hand!!
Ferny: Huh? Oh, Janey Mack! Oh. It's alright. [shows his other hand, which is also a green leaf] See? The other one's just like it. [laughs]
[Ferny turns into a cabbage.]

Season 3

[edit]

Mi Galeon [3.06]

[edit]
Don Toro: Piggley and Dannan were very impressed with our boat.
Ferny: [depressed] Si, papa. They were.
Don Toro: Our galleon is sure to win the boat race.
Ferny: Maybe.
Don Toro: We can be very proud of the work we have done on our boat, Fernandito.
Ferny: [loses his temper] Why do you keep calling it OUR galleon, and OUR boat?! It's not OUR boat, it's YOUR boat! YOU made it! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE PROUD!
Don Toro: Fernando, I-- [Ferny runs out of the shop, crying]

Tale Spinner [3.08]

[edit]
Mr. McHoof: You know, Mr. Hornsby told me that you have a lot of talent, Piggley.
Piggley: He did?
Mr. McHoof: Oh, yes. And I thought your story was very imaginative and exciting.
Piggley: Thank you! Does that mean I get an A+ on the assignment?
Mr. McHoof: I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you an F, Piggley.
Piggley: What?!
Mr. McHoof: You see, you didn't do the assignment.
Piggley: Eh, but... but... I have talent!
Mr. McHoof: Yes, you have been given a gift, but it's up to you to do something with it, and that, young man, takes work. Work that you did not do.
Piggley: But... But...
Mr. McHoof: You may take your seat now.

Mind Your Manners [3.11]

[edit]
[Piggley has flipped his spoon on Miss Nanny's forehead.]
Grandpa Piggley: That was the straw that broke the camel's back for Mr. McGandry. Right then and there, he decided that children would not be invited to his fancy party after all.

The World According to Molly [3.12]

[edit]
[The events of "Rock Around the Cluck" in Molly's perspective.]
Piggley: [about Molly's violin playing] Well, I say she stinks! I've heard better sounds come out of a donkey's nose! They should arrest you for crimes against music! [laughs evilly]
[In the last lines of the show, Grandpa Piggley is calling a grown-up Molly on the phone.]
Aunt Molly: Hello?
Grandpa Piggley: Hello, Molly!
Aunt Molly: Piggley! I suppose Meg got me diary today.
Grandpa Piggley: Yes, she did, and we both thank you for it. It's lovely. And by the way, is there anything else you remember that I need to apologize to you for, hmm?

Voice cast

[edit]
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Wikipedia
Wikipedia
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