Kate & Allie

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Kate & Allie was a 1980s situation comedy about two best friends (played by Susan Saint James and Jane Curtin) who moved in together after their respective divorces.

Opening credits banter

  • Soft piano music. Kate and Allie walk down a street.
Kate: You know who lives in that building? Greta Garbo.
Allie: There...right there, like a normal person?
Kate: Uh-huh.
Allie: What do you suppose she's doing right now?
Kate: Probably watching TV. Let's go. *Kate starts to walk off*
Allie: No! Don't you want to...wait and see if she comes out?
Kate: Allie, she "wants to be alone."
Allie: Oh, come on, just a minute!
Kate: Okay, okay. But this is ridiculous!
Allie: *sees a shadow from the window* Oh my God! It's her!
Kate: How can you tell?
Allie: I know it's her! It's she!
Kate: That could be anybody.
Allie: *to herself* I saw...Greta Garbo!
Kate: You saw...a woman in a hat! It could have been Bella Abzug!
Allie: Are you trying to spoil what could possibly be the high point of my life?
Kate: *sigh* Okay, okay, we saw Greta Garbo.
Allie: Do you really think it was her?
  • Kate and Allie walk down the street; the soft piano music starts up again, final few notes.

  • Soft piano music. Kate and Allie walk past a flower shop.
Kate: You'll never guess who I ran into today.
Allie: Who?
Kate: Brenda Maizel.
Allie: Lumpy! Oh, I haven't seen Lumpy since graduation! Poor, sweet old Lumpy.
Kate: Yeah.
Allie: Braces, glasses and allergies. Remember that sneeze?
Kate: That's how I recognized her. I was standing on the corner in front of Saks and I heard someone choking a turkey. I turned around and there she was.
Allie: Still a mess? *sniffs some flowers*
Kate: Well, as messy as you can be in mink.
Allie: *looks up* Oh?
Kate: Well, she married an investment broker.
Allie: Well, good for her. They're safe and predictable.
Kate: He also skydives, he's a published poet, and his name is Thor.
Allie: She still have those stubby little fingers?
Kate: I couldn't tell with all the diamonds.
Allie: I never liked her.
Kate: Me neither.
  • Allie puts the flowers down and they both walk away; the soft piano music starts up again, final few notes.