If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances.
Back Country Folks (1914).
Now an' then an innocent man is sent t' th' legislature.
Back Country Folks (1914)
Variant: Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
As quoted in The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949) by Evan Esar, p. 105.
Gittin' talked about is one o' th' penalties for bein' purty, while bein' above suspicion is about th' only compensation fer bein' homely.
Abe Martin's Primer : The Collected Writings of Abe Martin and his Brown County, Indiana, Neighbors (1914)
Variant: Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.
As quoted in Instant Quotation Dictionary (1969) by Donald O. Bolander, p. 23.
Don't knock th' weather. Nine-tenths o' th' people couldn' start a conversation if it didn' change once in a while.
Abe Martin's Primer : The Collected Writings of Abe Martin and his Brown County, Indiana, Neighbors (1914).
Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.
New Sayings by Abe Martin and Velma's Vow: A gripping love tale by Miss Fawn Lippincut (1916).
Th' only way t' entertain some folks is t' listen t' 'em.
New Sayings by Abe Martin and Velma's Vow: A Gripping Love Tale by Miss Fawn Lippincut (1916).
When a fellow says, "It hain't the money, but th' principle o' the thing," it's th' money.
Hoss Sense and Nonsense (1926).
Variant: When a fellow says, "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing," it's the money.
As quoted in The American Treasury, 1455-1955 (1955) by Clifton Fadiman, p. 993.
Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They jest can't buzz any slower.
As quoted in Reading I've Liked : A Personal Selection Drawn from Two Decades of Reading (1941) by Clifton Fadiman, p. 827.
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
As quoted in The Modern Handbook of Humor (1967) by Ralph Louis Woods, p. 17
The bee isn't really that busy — it just can't buzz any slower.
As quoted in Peter's People (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 29.
Some folks can look so busy doin' nothin' that they seem indispensable.
As quoted in Saturday Review (18 March 1944), p. 19
Variant: Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
As quoted in The Book of Unusual Quotations (1957) by Rudolf Franz Flesch, p. 8.
Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
As quoted in The Book of Unusual Quotations (1957) by Rudolf Franz Flesch, p. 47.
Nine-tenths of our crimes an' calamities are made possible by th' automobile. It has unleashed all th' pent-up criminal tendencies o' th' ages. It's th' central figure in murders, hold-ups, burglaries, accidents, elopements, failures an' abscondments. It has well nigh jimmed th' American home.... No girl is missin' that wuzn' last seen steppin' in a strange automobile.... An' ther hain't a day rolls by that somebuddy hain't sellin' ther sewin' machine, or ther home, or somethin' t' pay on an automobile.... Maybe th' jails an' workhouses are empty, but that's not because th' world is gittin' better. It's because all th' criminals escape in automobiles.
Writing as his character, "th' Hon. Ex.-Editur Cale Fluhart." as quoted in The American Humorist : Conscience of the Twentieth Century (1964) by Norris W. Yeats, p. 107.
Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.
As quoted in Peter's People (1979) by Laurence J. Peter, p. 28.
We’d all like t’vote fer th’best man, but he’s never a candidate.
The Best of Kin Hubbard (1984) Variant: We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
As quoted in Geary's Guide to the World's Great Aphorists (2007) by James Geary, p. 39
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
Elbert Hubbard, part of a larger comment quoted from Electrical Review without further attribution in The Search for the North Pole (1896) by Evelyn Briggs Baldwin, p. 520, this was later published as part of various works by Hubbard, including An American Bible (1918) edited by Alice Hubbard. Also once misattributed to Amelia J Calver in The Manifesto (January 1896) by the United Society of Believers in Christ’s Second Appearing (Shakers), misattribution to Kin Hubbard seems to be a relatively recent occurrence on the internet.
Kin Hubbard is dead. To us folks that attempt to write a little humor his death is just like Edison's would be to the world of invention. No man in our generation was within a mile of him, and I am so glad that I didn't wait for him to go to send flowers. I have said it from the stage and in print for twenty years. Just think — only two lines a day, yet he expressed more original philosophy in 'em than all the rest of the paper combined. What a kick Twain and all that gang will get out of Kin.