King of the Hill (season 12)
King of the Hill (1997-2010) was an American animated sitcom that aired on Fox. The show centers around the Hill family, whose head is the ever-responsible, hard-working, loyal, disciplined, and honest Hank Hill.
Bobby Rae [12.2]
(Bobby and all of his classmates are marching down the street protesting).
- Old Man 1: Here they come to kill us. Oh well.
- Old Man 2: I liked it when we could just stick 'em in factories.
- Alejandro: We want a plane to Disney World. And 100 gallons of diesel fuel!
- Olivia: And we're not leaving until we get some Yuengling!
The Powder Puff Boys [12.3]
Joseph is dressed as a Powder Puff cheerleader and is told to redress into his normal clothing.
- Joseph Gribble: But I'm so pretty!
Four Wave Intersection [12.4]
- Hank: Hey Bobby. How was the surf today? Did Boomhauer do his famous flamingo? That's when he stands on one leg, that's not easy to do, even on the ground.
- Bobby: No, all he did was fall flat on his face and embarrass himself, and us by association, we didn't even get to ride the wave.
- Hank: Boomhauer was embarrassed? <sighs> I don't know what the heck's going on here but someone needs to get their asses kicked.
- Bobby: Finally. Yes. Thank you. It's time to kick their local asses!
- Hank: Bobby, language. But, yes. I am going to kick their asses.
Death Picks Cotton [12.5]
- Cotton:(After kicking down a wall Hank just finished making) "That was in my way!"
- Peggy: It's okay. I'm here, you can go now. Go, go into the light. The light is good. You can just let go now.
- Cotton: Mr. Reaper, I'd prefer that you put your hood back on.
- Peggy: Why won't you die?
- Cotton: This was supposed to happen to you. You're worthless. You're not even good enough to be married to my worthless nothing of a loser son!
- Peggy: Enough! Your son has always loved you despite your constant torture. You want to die alone? Fine. You want to keep coming back and never die? That's fine too. In fact, I hope you do go on living forever as the unhappy person you are in the hell you have created here on this earth. I hope you live forever. I really do.
- Cotton: Oh, do you, now? (cackles, then dies as his heart monitor goes off)
- Dale: (After blowing up the shack that Hank just built because Hank's father wanted it destroyed) "Yee-haw! That was for you colonel!" (runs off)
Raise the Steaks [12.6]
- Hank: [Presses his tongs into the steak cooking on the grill] Firm but with a little give. Yup, these are medium-rare.
- Bobby: What if somebody wants theirs well-done?
- Hank: We ask them politely, yet firmly, to leave.
Strangeness on a Train [12.19]
- Lucky: Lucky is on the case. That's usually what I say when I drink beer, but this time it refers to this mystery.
- Kahn: Lucky Kleinschmidt,it was you and Luanne wasn't it? You trying to get in as much hanky-panky as you can before she has her baby?
- Lucky: Not that there's anything wrong with your premise but no, it wasn't us.
- Luanne: We haven't done in public since Lucky almost fell off a Ferris wheel.
(Kahn trying to find out who had sex in a train lavatory)
- Bill: I don't have an alibi.
- Kahn: You're Bill Dauterive, that's your alibi.
- Lucky: You really enjoyed yourself this evening, didn't you Aunt Peggy?
- Peggy: (gasps) You know?
- Lucky: Good for you. Happy Birthday Aunt Peggy.
The Accidental Terrorist [12.13]
- Hank Hill: He was behind you the last time it broke down. Well, that's lucky, I-I guess.
- Hank Hill: Stop it, Tom! It's all over! I know.
- Tom Hammond: You know what, buddy?
- Hank Hill: That you've been selling me a bag of lies for the last twenty-five years. How could you, Tom?
- Tom Hammond: Well, what can I say, Hank? I'm a salesman.
- Dale Gribble: Well, Joseph went to his first sleepover last night. Didn't go so well, he's a cuddler, so I had to go pick him up.
After Dale tells Hank he saw him driving away from the explosion:
- Peggy Hill: (Whispers) Oh, Hank! You must cover your tracks! We'll have to kill Dale!
- Bobby Hill: Dad, I'm confused. So you should trust people until they betray you, and then try to blow them up?
- Hank Hill: The only thing I'm guilty of is trusting you. Well, I'll tell you one thing: I may go to jail, but I’ve zipped my lips for the last time.
Life: A Loser's Manual [12.22]
- Luanne: Normal people buy things with credit cards.
- Lucky: Are you saying that Georgers are not normal people because they pay for things with cash?
- Lucky: Uncle Hank, would you check my spelling on my application?
- Hank: Well, sure, Lucky. I, uh... hmm. Here under "employer" you put Costco, you never worked for Costco.
- Lucky: No, but Costco gave me the "slip on pee-pee money" for my settlement.
- Hank: "Pee-pee money" is not an employment history, and look, you left your social security number blank.
- Lucky: Oh, I don't have one of them social cards. Or a driver's license. My dad always said a man's wallet should only hold cash, a razor blade and a lucky poker chip.
- Hank: (sighs) Lucky, is that the sort of father you want to be to your child?
- Lucky: I can see you have a point. Problem is, I have no idea how to get any of these cards and things.
- Hank: Okay, I'll help, but you have to be serious. I am gonna make appointments for you, and you are gonna keep 'em.
- Lucky: Will this involve wearing a watch?
- Hank: Yes, it will.
- Lucky: (sighs heavily) Then so be it.
- Hank: Well, it'll be hard work helping Lucky, but fun, too.
- Bill: Just don't fix his teeth, Hank. It's the one thing I have on him.
[ A truck then pulls up to Hank, Bill, Dale, & Boomhauer.]
- Delivery Person: Which ones of you fellas ordered two dozen 39-foot aluminum rails?
- Dale: That would be me. Gentlemen, I'm sure you recall my long-dreamt dream about building a guard tower in my yard.
- Hank: Dale, the Zoning Board has turned you down six times. The last refusal was "with extreme prejudice."
- Dale: True, but for a structure under 40 feet, no variance is needed. Soon, you'll live under the protection of my 39-foot guard tower! The Zoning Board has no say.
- Hank: Dale, that is --[Dale cuts him off mid-sentence]...
- Dale: NO SAY! Now if you help me build it, I'll give each of you a tier in the "Tower of Power." (Walks off)
- Bill: Oh, I want a tier! (He and Boomhauer follow Dale.)
- Hoyt: (giving Bobby a gift) Here's something for this kid of yours.
- Bobby: My name is Bobby, Uncle Hoyt.
- Peggy:[sings to the tune of "La Cucaracha"] La Peggy Hill cha, la Peggy Hill cha! Doin' dishes in the sink.
- Hank: Well, we're doing great on our list, Lucky. Later today we'll go see my guy about a will, you want to make sure the right people inherit your debts.
- Hoyt: I'll be back so quick you'll call me...Quickie McGee!
- Hoyt:I'm a lot better now, here I owe you. [takes out some cigarettes from the pack and hands them to Lucky] See, on the oil rig, these are like money.
- Lucky: Dad,were you in the state oil rig or in the federal?
- Hoyt: Smart man. [lays more cigarettes on the patio table] That means we're like family. Say I got 10 cigarettes and you pay me 10 more for watching your back. Now how many I got?
- Lucky: Twenty.
- Hoyt: No! Only 15 cause I gotta pay a tax to the guard.
- Lucky: Cigarette math is full of surprises.
- Kahn: Inspector, fine this redneck for reckless redneck-itude!
[after Hoyt lands his 3rd strike and will be serving a lifetime prison sentence]
- Luanne: I'm just sad that Daddy had to back to his oil rig again.[turns to Lucky] He would be so proud of you.
- Hank: Well, he sure would but they really need him on that oil rig. Otherwise they wouldn't have given him a life time contract.
- Peggy: Oil is very important to America.
- Luanne: Even more important than propane?
- Hank: Uh...yes Luanne. Oil is even more important...than propane.