Kitchen Nightmares

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Kitchen Nightmares and all related episodes and quotes are a copyright of A. Smith & Co. Productions, ITV Studios and Fox Broadcasting Company. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the Wikimedia Foundation do not claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference purposes only. Neither Wikiquote nor its parent company, The Wikimedia Foundation, have any affiliation with A. Smith & Co. Productions, ITV Studios and Fox Broadcasting Company, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape, or form.

Season 1[edit]

Peter's [1.01][edit]

[Showing Peter and the others the walk-in]

Gordon: When was the last time you went inside the walk-in fridge?
Peter: I had a hot flash last week.
Gordon: A hot flash?! What does that mean?
Peter: I mean, I was like, hot and I walked in here for a second.

John: Peter's like one of those guys who eats out a lot, so he assumes he knows about cooking in restaurants. He has no clue about the kitchen.

[In the middle of the lunch rush!]

Peter: Can someone get me Tina, please? I need orange juice.
Gordon: You want Tina to stop now and get you a glass of orange juice?!
Peter: Don't I have anybody that can get me orange juice?
Gordon: Peter. Look at me. (Bleep) yourself.

[Day four, 5:30pm, thirty minutes before relaunch.]

Narrator: With the doors about to open, Gordon gathers the staff for a quick chat.
Gordon: Right, tonight is a critical, crucial night.
[A bill collector appears on the doorstep.]
Gordon: Are you with us? Or are you...
Bill collector: No, I'm just waiting for him (Peter).
Gordon: Okay, but we're really busy right now.
Narrator: Once again, Peter's has a bill collector on its doorstep.
Gordon: (to bill collector) You are interfering, that's what I'm saying. Now get out of the way. Would you mind...
Bill collector: I'm interfering? You got to wait two minutes. I got to talk.
Gordon: Get out of the way.
Bill collector: What?
Gordon: Why don't you get out of the way so we can go on?
Bill collector: You get out of the way. Don't worry about it, I'm talking to him.
Gordon: Why don't you go -- no, get out of the way.
Bill collector: (points to Peter) I want to talk to you.
Gordon: I'm saying: Get away.
Peter: (to bill collector) Hey, who are you talking to? (begins to take off suit jacket)
Bill collector: I'm talking to you!
Gordon: (tries to hold Peter back) God almighty! Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax!
Peter: (unintelligible, overlapping, drops his jacket)
Bill collector: (unintelligible, overlapping)
Gordon: Oh, no! Relax, relax, relax, relax!
Bill collector: (unintelligible)
Peter: (gets in bill collector's face) (bleep) off! Get the (bleep) out of here! Who the (bleep) are you?!
Gordon: (still trying to restrain Peter) Relax! Relax! Dear, oh dear!
Peter: Who the (bleep) are you?! (Bleep) tough guy?!
Gordon: (turns away for a second) Christ almighty...
Peter: (unintelligible, chases bill collector outside)
Gordon: (notices what just happened) Oh, (bleep)...

[Outside, Peter and the bill collector's argument continues.]

Peter: (trying to instigate a fight) Yeah, tough guy! Come on!

[The bill collector tries to walk away]

Peter: (being restrained by Robert and John) You fake little gangster! Come on! You fake little gangster! I'll hurt you, scumbag! YEAH, TOUGH GUY!! GET THE (BLEEP) OUT OF HERE!
John: Stop!
Gordon: Come out of the way, come out of the way.
Peter's father: Peter, you're embarrassing me.
Peter: (Bleep) this guy!!
John: Peter, Peter, relax.
Gordon: Relax, relax.
Peter: Who the (bleep) is he to come in my (bleep) place?!?
Gordon: Relax, relax, relax.
Peter: (still raging at the now-departing bill collector) Have my (bleep) cock, you scumbag! Yeah, tough guy! (gets right next to his car and knocks on the window) Right now! Right now! (bill collector drives away anyway)

Dillon's [1.02][edit]

(Day two, 11:55 a.m. - kitchen inspection)
Narrator: Having discovered the terrible conditions in the kitchen, Gordon now ventures down to the basement to check out what's lurking below.
Gordon: What's that smell?
(Gordon finds a rat trap.)
Gordon: What?!! (to Mohammad) What is that? Is that for rats or mice?
Mohammad: This is food for to catch a rat.
Gordon: So we have got rats here.
Mohammad: Rat is all over the place.
(Gordon moves aside a refrigeration unit, then notices droppings underneath the unit.)
Gordon: That's rat droppings. Look at them all, everywhere.
Mohammad: Rats.
Gordon: Rats. Oh my good God.
(Gordon notices some cockroaches.)
Gordon: Look at the cockroaches.
(Gordon opens a cardboard box.)
Gordon: Oh my God, look. I've got one in my (bleep) hair, that's cockroaches. The box is full of them.
(Gordon opens another cardboard box.)
Gordon: Look, look at them all.
(Gordon opens the refrigeration unit.)
Gordon: Oh my God, look. There they are, there in the refrigeration. Oh (bleep). Oh my God. Oh no. LOOK AT THAT! Oh my God, look at it. (to Mohammad) There you go, there you go.
Mohammad: (interview) I was shocked. It's like a nightmare.

Gordon: (finds half a tomato) When's that from? That's been sliced. That's gone out. What is that --where is it-- hey madam, where's that tomato gone?
(the other half is being served on a dish in the dining room.)
Gordon: (digging through the slugs in the tomato) Look! It's (bleep) rotten, you (bleep) idiot! IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! [...] Has a customer just been served a slice of tomato?!!
Server: No, no, no.
Gordon: So where is it?!!
Andrew: (interview) Oh my god.
(A customer starts eating the other half of the tomato.)
Martin: (interview) Things are looking pretty glum.

Gordon: No-one is getting served from this (bleep) restaurant tonight! Let's make that clear! Yes or no? Anyone against that?
Andrew: No.
Gordon: No, good.
Martin: (interview) That didn't go down too good. He was extremely angry and extremely pissed off.
Gordon: We are not...ever...again serving any of this food. I don't give a (bleep) what anyone says. Can you go and tell them that the kitchen is closed? Right now! Out there and tell them the truth! Tell them now!
Andrew: (interview) Gordon was so outraged. So angry. I've never seen anything like it.
Gordon: (who can be heard in the dining room) FROM GREEN BURGERS, TO (BLEEP) FURRY CUCUMBERS, TO (BLEEP) RANCID POTATOES!!!

Gordon: This place can be phenomenal. The location is extraordinary. This is a new start. You have to treat it as a new beginning.
Mohammad: Exactly. Of course.
Gordon: I mean, in a perfect world, I would sacrifice one your managers to employ Vikas (Khanna). You cannot carry driftwood in your business. Out of the three managers (flashes to Martin, Khan, and Andrew), one has to go. (Martin glares at Gordon) Between you and I, Martin has an amazing way of manipulating you. And he is not worth his weight in terms of what he brings to the table.
Martin: (interview) Hearing Gordon Ramsay say that to Mohammad, that makes me upset and angry. The frustration just boiled over. (approaches Mohammad) Tonight, tonight, Mohammad, I've never used you. I've respected you. I'm proud of what we've done. I've never cheated you. And I take --
Gordon: What's going on?
Martin: You're asking... for a manager to leave.
Gordon: Come on.
Martin: I've had enough! Because, you have been insulting me? You've accused me of riding on his back!
Gordon: Did you hear what I just said to him?
Mohammad: Martin?
Gordon: So... (to Mohammad) Let him go. Go on. Get it out. Get it off your chest.
Martin: No, that you...
Gordon: For the first time since I met you, show me that you're a man.
Martin: First, you accused me of riding on this man's...
Gordon: Why are you pointing like that?
Martin: Because I'm angry, okay? You want to see passion? I'm giving you passion. This person (Muhammad), I've respected. And you have the audacity to accuse of, like, taking his money...
Gordon: ...riding off his back?
Gordon: Riding off his back, is what you said. Well, that is disgusting. You don't have the right. You don't know that.
Mohammad: What about...
Martin: I have nothing to be guilty of.
Gordon: You what?
Martin: Nothing!
Gordon: You sat in it. (flashback) IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! (Martin simply looks at) (to Martin) Yeah, you ran it. You sat in it.
Martin: Yes.
Gordon: You wasted it.
Martin: Yes. I wasted it?
Gordon: You encouraged it.
Martin: It was always like, it spiraled...
Gordon: You let it go to (bleep).
Martin: It spiraled out of control. And I asked you to come on board.
Gordon: You're feeling guilty. I'm glad.
Gordon: You're guilty.
Martin: Mohammad, I'm... NOT GUILTY! I'm not going to take this put-down anymore. I have nothing to be guilty of. Listen, this is my last night.
Gordon: Who said this was your last night? I'm curious.
Martin: Yes, this is my last light. This is my last, tonight!
Gordon: Please tell the owner, not me.
Martin: (to Muhammad) This is my last night. I'm out of here. I quit! (walks out)
Gordon: (Bleep) me.
Mohammad: (interview) When Martin left, actually, I was shocked. I didn't expect he's going to go dead there.
Martin: (interview) I think Gordon Ramsay is full of (bleep). And I'm extremely angry and extremely pissed off. And now, I turn my back and walk away.

The Mixing Bowl [1.03][edit]

[The New York Dragons were not on the reservation list thanks to Mike]
Lisa: (interview) The Dragons were supposed to be on that list and Mike just forgot!
Lisa: How is that missed? How is that overlooked?
Mike: Someone-- the dragons just...
Lisa: Mike, that's what I'm saying.
Mike: I'm not sure what transpired.
Lisa: (interview) It was so upsetting. The was no Dragons on there!
Gordon: My god. For me, it's the most important table. That's embarrassing.
Lisa: You're overlooking extremely important things!
Mike: I was not told about the Dragons. I found out...
Lisa: Well, why do you keep saying that?
Mike: (losing it) Because I wasn't!! I wasn't told!!
Lisa: Excuse me, do not talk to me like that!
Mike: I was told at 7:00 this morning. THAT IT!!! Seriously, I'm pissed off!! DRAGONS ON THE PAPER!!! I'm pissed off!! Not my fault!! Dragons over here, I put them on at 7:00. COULD WE PLEASE MOVE ON?!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOT MY FAULT!!!

Seascape Inn [1.04][edit]

Gordon: (after tasting the crab cakes) They've got it wrong on the menu. It's not a crab cake. It's a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I'll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.

Gordon: Twice baked potato. Thank (bleep) I missed that one twice.

Gordon: (finding frozen ravioli that he had for lunch) Bingo. These were my fresh lobster ravioli. Fresh? My (bleep) (bleep). I've eaten this (bleep)!

Gordon: (finding pesto) Oh, (bleep) hell. So that's the pesto I had for lunch. Just look at the colours in there. Look at that, it's mouldy.

Gordon: This is ten thousand times worse than I thought it would be.

Gordon: (to Peter) This is not a time - hey - to laugh and take a (bleep) piss out of me. I've eaten this (bleep). What's going on, Peter?

Gordon: (to Peter) You've got the nerves to tell me you clean the walls every (bleep) Tuesday? Touch it. (Bleep) off, will you? Touch the wall! You dirty pig! (to the others) This is disgusting! I'm closing it down. (to Peter) How many has booked?
Peter: About twenty.
Gordon: Twenty - forget it. Get the place steam-cleaned from (bleep) head to tail. I don't care, but we're not cooking a (bleep) cookie out of here!

Gordon: I've never done that before, close down a restaurant, but that was a (bleep) embarrassment. Seascape open? (slams closed sign over open one on sandwich board) Close the (bleep) place.

The Olde Stone Mill [1.05][edit]

[Gordon's chopped salad has been molded into a funnel]

Gordon: Look at that. What's that squashed into? Looks like it's been squashed into an ice cream cone. [The waiter hands him the funnel] ... Ah, right, that's his on top. Was the chef a mechanic?

Dean: I was pissed. Real pissed. I wanted to take the plate and smash it on top of the Chef's head.

Gordon: What's this crap here with calamari in a martini glass?
Tom: We're just trying to do presentation because the dishes we have suck.
Gordon: "Suck"? I can't believe you'd be so (bleep) polite.

Sebastian's [1.06][edit]

Sebastian: Okay, my pizzas will soon be in supermarkets.
Gordon: What?!
Sebastian: I would love to franchise this, and have a "Sebastian's" all over the world.
Gordon: Oh my god...
Sebastian: Just think how that sounds. "Sebastian's" all over the world. That makes me excited.
Gordon: You haven't got (bleep) one right so far! How the (bleep) can you think about two? I need some fresh air, the guy's gone!
(Sebastian laughs. Cut to Gordon standing in the street outside the restaurant]
Gordon: This guy is seriously off his (bleep) trolley!
Sebastian: (to the kitchen staff) I just won that one. I won that one.
Gordon: What on earth is going on in his (bleep)-up, delusional mind?
Sebastian: Whoo! I won that one!
Joy: What happened?
Sebastian: He was giving me (bleep). I gave it back to him, and he was like, "Uh, yeah whatever," and-
Gordon: (walks back into the restaurant) Sebastian! I just want a little word.
[Gordon goes into Sebastian's office, and Sebastian follows him]
Gordon: Listen, big boy. Right now, you've won jack-(bleep)-(bleep)! You've got the audacity to stand there, talking to me about a franchise, when we can't even get a pizza right?
Sebastian: (interview) It took everything in me not to just, freak out. (to Gordon) I've been here two years. It may not seem like-
Gordon: What have you got to show?
Sebastian: What have I got to show? I'll tell you what I've got to show. Pride! Pride!
Gordon: You're delusional! You are so-
Sebastian: That's your opinion, sir. A lot of people feel that way about you!
Gordon: (points at the dining room) What's successful about out there?
Sebastian: I'm still here.
Gordon: That's what makes it successful? You've just answered my question. I'll see you later.

Gordon: (on the over-elaborate menu) You can't push an inherently-faulty concept. That's like shining a turd...absolutely futile.

Gordon: When I first arrived here, we got off to a shaky start. Then we kept our heads down and we got through it together.
Sebastian: Yeah.
Gordon: And we made some really exciting changes. The menu's changed, the staff have changed.
Sebastian: Yes.
Gordon: Mate, there's one thing that hasn't changed in this establishment, and that's you Sebastian. I'm 40 years old, and I have gone a lot of restaurants, but I've never...ever...ever...ever met someone I believe in as little as you. I think you will go back to your sloppy, shortcut, 5-out-of-10 frozen ways. Good luck. (Sebastian walks back inside) Unbelievable.
Sebastian: Un-(bleep)-believable.
Gordon: (Bleep) useless.
Sebastian: You (bleep) kidding me? (Bleep) kidding me right now?! (pacing back and forth) This is MY (BLEEP) LIFE!!
Gordon: Oh my God...
Sebastian: THIS IS MY (BLEEP) LIFE!!!
Andre: (interview) Honestly, I haven't seen Sebastian this emotional.
Lou-Bertha: (interview) Sebastian just got real loud. He just changed like Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.
Sebastian: (walks toward the back door) ARE YOU (BLEEP) KIDDING ME?!!?
Gordon: That's pissed on his bonfire.
Sebastian: (leaving the restaurant) (Bleep) arrogant! (Bleep) that (bleep)! (to the production team) We're done! Get the (bleep) team out of here! (approaches back entrance) Chef Gordon! (breaks the door open) Chef Gordon! Where the (bleep) are you? Where are you?
Gordon: I'm here.
Sebastian: You come into my restaurant?
Gordon: Yes.
Sebastian: I'm just so (bleep) disappointed.
Gordon: Wait. Don't shout here. You're going to calm down?
Sebastian: Stop pointing your finger at me.
Gordon: Are you going to calm down?
Sebastian: Are we going to speak like men? You're going to speak to me like a man?
Gordon: You didn't listen to what I've told you.
Sebastian: You didn't listen to what I'm saying.
Gordon: Did you hear what I've just told you?
Sebastian: I'm stepping away from you, because I don't want to be too close.
Gordon: You ungrateful...
Sebastian: You have no idea!
Gordon: Nasty, vindictive...
Sebastian: You have no (bleep) idea!
Gordon: Joker!
Sebastian: Well, (bleep) you! (walks away)
Gordon: This is it? (follows Sebastian)
Sebastian: Yeah, it is it! You're very disappointing!
Gordon: I was expecting (bleep) (bleep) performance tonight!
Sebastian: Are you (bleep) kidding me?! Your whole act is a (bleep) joke!
Gordon: Anything else?
Sebastian: Your whole act is a (bleep) joke! You're a phony!
Gordon: You shouldn't run like that.
Sebastian: Run like what?!
Gordon: Am I supposed to be scared now, Sebastian?
Sebastian: Come on, give me a break. I'm busting my (bleep) in there. You tell me...
Gordon: You what?!
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you...
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you something...
Sebastian: You're telling me nothing! I'm done!
Gordon: There you go.
Sebastian: Yes. LOSER! (walks away) And I'm telling you one last time. YOU'RE A (BLEEP) (BLEEP)-HEAD!

Finn McCool's [1.07][edit]

Narrator: After feeling the heat of the firemen, Brian and sous chef Francis get back to work under the watchful eye of Gordon who can't believe what he sees.
[Francis drops a chicken wing on the floor while tossing it in the sauce and he picks up and throws it in the fryer]
Gordon: Francis, Francis, Francis, Francis. (Bleep) me, he's deaf as a (bleep) bat. Francis, you took it off the floor and put it in the fryer and then back in the sauce.
Francis: Yeah, well the fryer is going going to...take anything that comes off the floor and clean it.
Gordon: But it fell on the floor.
Francis: Correct.
Gordon: Put it back in the fryer.
Francis: Right into the fryer.
Gordon: And it cleans it.
Francis: It cleans it. It sterilizes it.
Gordon: Sterilises it?
Francis: Yeah, well...
Gordon: (Bleep) me! "Sterilised it"?
[the wings are now being eaten at a table]
Buddy: What happened with that order?
Francis: I dropped a wing on the floor, picked it up and stuck it back in the fryer again.
[Buddy's eyes open wide in horror]
Brian: (interview) We tried to keep everything consistent but some things get messed up every now and then.
Buddy: What the (bleep) were you thinking?!
Gordon: (outside) Oh my god. I've never, ever, ever seen anything quite extraordinary as that. Serves food off the floor and serves it to the customer? Oh, my god, no!

Melissa: (watching Brian, in the kitchen, down a glass of beer) I want to see you and Ramsay chug.
Brian: I'll smoke him, and tuck him into bed. Goodnight, chef. (laughs) (interview) I'm a very confident person. I've been in the kitchen a long time. I'm almost positive we'll get a good review.
Gordon: (waiting for his spring rolls) When you get a family business right, it goes on for generations; and here, it doesn't feel like a family-run business at all. Pubs are full of atmosphere, fun. It's got tweed-neck curtains, like you're going to visit your granny. Weird.
Melissa: (arriving with spring rolls) Here you are; spring rolls with Coleman's mustard.
Gordon: Wow. God. Very strange, bizarre-looking spring roll. (eats it) Damn. (to Melissa) Are they popular on the menu?
Melissa: (hesitantly) People... really like them.
Gordon: No doubt half the customers are drunk.
Buddy: This is a tough half-hour of my life.
Melissa: (to Brian) Not a big hit.
Brian: He didn't like it?
Melissa: Nope. (interview) Brian's in the kitchen, wondering, and I'm like, "Nope."
Brian: Are you kidding me?
Melissa: He really expected me to be like, "He loved it!" You know, "He wants you to come work for him!"
Brian: Come on! (drizzles balsamic on Gordon's salmon) Maybe try that one.
Melissa: (serving the salmon to Gordon) Let me get you some clean silverware...
Gordon: Thank you. (noticing the balsamic) God. What's this stuff, please, Melissa?
Melissa: On top is a balsamic reduction. He (Brian) likes to use that a lot. On everything, he puts a little drizzle on.
Gordon: A little? Thank you.
Melissa: You're welcome. (leaves)
Gordon: Always a sign of an insecure chef, when he macerates everything in balsamic vinegar. Look at this. (tastes it) Horrible. Doesn't taste of salmon at all.
Melissa: (returning) All through?
Gordon: Does my shepherd's pie have any balsamic vinegar?
Melissa: No.
Gordon: (sarcastically) Good. Lovely.
Buddy: I don't even think he likes the water.
Melissa: (to Brian) He asked me, "Will my shepherd's pie have any balsamic vinegar?" and I told him, "No, I assure you it will not."
Brian: Do I? Do I dare? (interview) I don't want to come off as conceited or cocky, but I know I'm very good at what I do. I know the back of the house well. I've done everything that's out there.
[We see a tray of shepherd's pie filling, topped with a pool of fat.]
Brian: Let's try that one.
Melissa: (serves the pie) Enjoy.
Gordon: Thank you.
Melissa: You're welcome. (leaves)
Gordon: (digging into the shepherd's pie with his fork) It's just a big ball of grease. (eats it and grimaces) Just very, very greasy. (coughs and gags) Oh, God! That's disgusting.
[Gordon gets up and leaves the table]
Gordon: (to Buddy) The toilet?
Buddy: Second door on the left.
[Gordon walks toward the bathroom. A moment later, he is heard vomiting.]
Buddy: Oh, no...

Lela's [1.08][edit]

[Gordon brings Buzzard (Daniel) back to Lela's after Buzzard stole leftover wine and food.]
Gordon: [shows Lela the stolen food] This is Buzzard's little picnic. Nice little sandwich there, ham, cheese, mustard. Oh, nice big salad. And main course, we're going to tackle some New Zealand lamb.
Buzzard: I know where that came from.
Gordon: Stop laughing. Here we are with a restaurant that's financially (bleep) screwed and you're just helping yourself to wine and a four course dinner.
Lex: (interview) He takes little things every now and then, but I haven't seen him do something like that in a while.
Buzzard: Now, listen. I'm not going to stand there and argue with you. You can have that! Okay? (Walks out)
Gordon: This lady owns it. Buzzard? Unbelievable.
Lela: (interview) We were thinking that he was doing that but I hadn't caught him in the act and today, well there it is.

[Buzzard comes to work next morning]
Lela: (interview) I hate to have to fire anybody, but then you get to the point where if I can't get them to change what they're doing or whatever, then I have to get rid of him.
Gordon: Can I see your eyes? Take your glasses off. (Buzzard takes off his shades) Buzzard, anything that belongs inside this restaurant belongs to Lela. Yeah? End of story. Nothing gets taken off this premise.
Tabitha: (interview) If it was up to me, I'd fire Buzzard's (bleep).
Gordon: I get lots of people stealing from me and I just have one discipline, anyone who steals from me is out. End of story. Because, the message you send, they all see you do it, they all do it. Anyway, Lela, you're the one who's got to make the decision, it's your restaurant.
Lela: Yeah, so you know, I'm sorry but this is going to be it. All right? This is it.
Tabitha: (interview) Buzzard ain't going to be back here. He ain't going to be buzzing around here and he's truly a buzzard.

Campania's [1.09][edit]

The Secret Garden [1.10][edit]

[Day two, 8:45 a.m. - kitchen inspection]
Gordon: Jesus.
[Finds a chocolate terrine/marquis.]
Gordon: Ohh, (bleep).
[Finds a rotten banana.]
Gordon: My goodness me. Mould everywhere.
[Sees mold.]
Gordon: Mould everywhere.
[Finds some broccoli.]
Gordon: The food's been in this fridge for so long, even the fridge is starting to get mouldy.
[Finds some more mold.]
Gordon: Look, just here. It's like mould caked on. This place hasn't been cleaned for years. Look, it's real mould.
[Finds a bottle that has become moldy.]
Gordon: It's been in that long, even the bottle's mouldy. This place is a health hazard. Mould is festering, so, potentially dangerous in terms of poisoning someone. This place can't stay open. The place is disgusting.
[Finds some potatoes that have been infested with maggots.]
Gordon: Maggots. Infested with maggots. Oh, God!
[Gordon rushes to a nearby restroom to vomit.]

Devon: (interview) It was good for him (Michel) to be humbled. Michel was of an opinion that "Hey, if I want to serve dog (bleep) on a plate and the customer doesn't like it, too bad."

Gordon: God, this guy (Michel) is (bleep) unbelieveable. You know, that's one thing being that bad, that's solvable, but being in complete denial throughout is extraordinary. I've never met such a (bleep) hard-(bleep) stubborn (bleep) in all my life.

[Day three, 8:27 a.m. - closed for business]
Narrator: Day three. Gordon is determined to get through to this stubborn chef with help from a little shock therapy.
[Signs read "Closed for business", "Foreclosed by bank", "Closed", and "Do not enter".]
Gordon: Okay, a new day, and I'm determined that is guy is going to finally start listening to what I'm trying to say. So this morning, I've shut the place down, I've bought it up and I'll make him understand that if doesn't start changing and listening to what I'm trying to say, that's the end result.
[Referring to the "Closed for business" sign.]
Gordon: And that's the end result that no restaurant wants to see.

Gordon: [taking off his jacket] (Bleep) hell.
Narrator: With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Michel is insisting on reverting back to his old ways, and Gordon has reached his breaking point.
Michel: Thank you very much, I think it's great--
Gordon: Cut the (bleep). You don't care anymore, do you? Just get straight to the (bleep) answer.
Michel: No, I'm not cutting no (bleep). I'm just telling it like it is.
Gordon: Get straight to the (bleep) answer.
Michel: Okay? Alright?
Gordon: Okay.
Michel: Alright, good. Your menu is not better than mine. You know?
Gordon: You're a donkey!
Michel: My food has been voted Best Chef in Ventura County.
Gordon: WHAT?!
Michel: Yeah, listen--
Gordon: Hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me finish!! Let me finish!! You put your (bleep) hands up here, listen to me. You run a (bleep) of a kitchen! (Bleep) yourself!! Okay?!
Michel: No! No! No!
Michel: Yeah, you know what...
Gordon: You lazy pig! You're so full of (bleep)! Open your eyes and have a look around!
Michel: Big words, big mouth! Big mouth! You're not happy?
Gordon: I'm (BLEEP) happy!
Michel: You can get out! You can get out!
Gordon: Go on! (Bleep) yourself!
Michel: You can get out! It's my (bleep) kitchen!
Gordon: Yeah, is it? Well, if it's YOUR (BLEEP) KITCHEN, THEN CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY (BLEEP)!!!
Michel: (flabbergasted) No!

Gordon: [walking out of the building after arguing with Michel] I've got to get some air before I do something I really regret.

Season 2[edit]

Kitchen Nightmares Revisited: Gordon Returns[edit]

Handlebar [2.01][edit]

Gordon: When was the last time this fridge was cleaned?
Melissa: A week ago.
Gordon: Oh, come on, this hasn't been cleaned in years.
Billy: No, it has.
Gordon: No, it hasn't, I'm sorry. Twenty-one years in the business, I'll bet every (bleep) dollar that I have, this (bleep) place hasn't been cleaned in years.

Gordon: Un-(bleep)-believeable. So that just proves and confirms how weak this guy is. He's not running this place, this place is running him, and is in need of a (bleep) serious clean. That is appalling.

Giuseppi's [2.02][edit]

Gordon: Why are we serving potato skins? Do you want to come to an "authentic Italian restaurant" with potato skins?
Joe: A lot of people come here with their kids, and their kids don't want--
Gordon: Hey, I've lived in Italy. I've seen Italian families, the way they eat together. They don't serve (bleep) children in Italy potato skins with plastic cheese, let me assure you.

Trobiano's [2.03][edit]

Gordon: The décor matches the clientèle. Drab, fuddy-duddy, and seriously old-fashioned. I feel like I've come to see my granny in a retirement home.

Pat: The Trobiano's salad is excellent. It's chopped.
Gordon: Why would you chop it?
Pat: People seem to love it.
Gordon: Is that because of their teeth?

Black Pearl [2.04][edit]

Gordon: A restaurant run by three passionate owners? No chance. Brian, he works two days a week. David, well I don't trust him one little inch. And as for Greg, well he's pissed off at both of them. Basically in a nutshell, Sleepy, Dopey, and Grumpy. Who am I? Snow (bleep) White?

Gordon: You tell me about the passion with the Maine lobsters. Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: Same waters, North Atlantic waters.
Gordon: You're telling me now...a Canadian lobster, half the price of a Maine lobster, is the same taste and flavour? There's a big difference. I can't get Maine lobsters.
David: That's right, so they get them from Canada.
Gordon: I'm using Canadian lobsters.
David: That's right. That's what they do.
Gordon: But I don't advertise them as "Maine."
David: You tell me, is it a different animal?
Gordon: "Maine" is a "Canadian" lobster for you?
David: Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: Holy (bleep)...
David: I'm asking you a question.
Gordon: What you're trying to dictate to me is that you're selling "Maine" lobster - they're not from Maine.
David: Well, it comes from the same vendor.
Gordon: [at a loss] Holy (bleep)! The award-winning Maine lobster Canadian!

Gordon: [to David] You're so full of (bleep) (bleep) that you'd make a great politician.

Gordon: You amaze me.
David: What?
Gordon: Because all week long, face-to-face, you (bleep) pretend to care.
David: Oh, (bleep), Gordon. Come on.
Gordon: You don't give two (bleep) about this place.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're not passionate about running a restaurant.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're just abusing it and using it.
David: How did I- what, what, what did I do?
Gordon: I've never met an individual that's so full of (bleep) in all my life.
David: How have I been lying to you, Gordy? How? Tell me.
Gordon: Gordy?
David: Yeah, how? You want to disrespect me, I can disrespect you too. But tell me how I'm lying to you.
Gordon: I'm not disrespecting you. I'm telling you the truth.
David: No, you're disrespecting me because you don't know the truth.
Gordon: You're just massaging your (bleep) ego.
David: Gordon, (bleep).
Gordon: What do you mean, (bleep)?
David: Not true.
Gordon: From the first minute you walked in this (bleep) door, standing there with your big long coat and your (bleep) sunglasses looking like proud cock, that was it. First impressions. Then you start debating lobsters because you think you're some smart-arse on the back of few (bleep) (bleep) dive books.
Gordon: [flashback] Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: [flashback] Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: "Humanus americanus", my (bleep)-us.
David: Hmm.
Gordon: With 21 restaurants under my belt, I work my (bleep) (bleep) off.
David: So what? So what?
Gordon: And I never take anything for granted.
David: [sarcastically] Fascinating, Gordon.
Gordon: You treat the staff like (bleep). You amaze me.
David: Never. Never did that.
Gordon: Excuse me?
David: Never.
David: [flashback] Cat, it's policy here for you not to have a drink here after your shift, but you often do.
David: Never.
Gordon: You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone me. Mate, you've been exposed.
David: Exposed?
Gordon: You're a hypocrite.
David: Is that right?
Gordon: Absolutely. For you, it's about a (bleep) TV show. This man [points to Greg], it's about a restaurant. (Bleep) the TV, David. And, I mean (bleep) it. This is real for me. And for you, it's an image.
David: I disagree with you on almost everything you said.
Gordon: You do?
David: Yeah, I do.
Gordon: Why do you disagree?
David: Because you're wrong. The great Gordon Ramsay is wrong.
Gordon: You're a sad (bleep).

J Willy's [2.05][edit]

John ("J Willy"): (interview) When Chef Gordon pulled those potato skins out, I knew he had found something that I wasn't going to like.

Gordon: We sat here wondering why this business is on its (bleep). It starts with the top job, it's called responsibility. (to John) No wonder you've given up.
John ("J Willy"): (interview) I've been in denial, I've lowered my standards, and it takes somebody like a Gordon Ramsay to come in and wake you up.

Rick: (interview) I wanted to crawl under the table and hide my face so that people wouldn't associate me with such "crap".

Hannah & Mason's [2.06][edit]

Gordon: What a beautiful, quaint little town. I can't think of a better way to spend Valentine's Day than at Hannah &... (sees that the sign is missing the N from "Mason's") Maso's? I guess they couldn't afford the "N." That's not a good start.

[Gordon goes down to the walk in fridge]
Gordon: I cannot believe that this is how you guys are running a restaurant!
Chris: (interview) Through my head, I was thinking "We're going to be screwed!"
Gordon: That's what in there?
Chris: That's the walk-in freezer.
Gordon: That's the walk-in freezer? Look at the mess in here! What's this here?
Brian: Bacon.
Gordon: Bacon. Yeah, obviously bacon, smart-arse! That's from lunch? Yeah, five years ago! You leave a spatula in there like that? I'm sorry. No. (Bleep) off. I cannot believe what you guys are doing here.
Chris: There was so much going on. My head was spinning. My head was about to explode. I thought to myself, this is a disaster.
Gordon: What's that in there?
Brian: (Bleep) that didn't get put away?
Gordon: (finds cooked chicken sitting next to raw chicken.) Oh, my god.
Chris: I don't know what the (bleep)...
Gordon: Oh, (bleep) off! Oh, my god! Oh, no!
Chris: This is not good.
Brian: That should never happen.
Chris: It's (bleep)...
Gordon: (to Brian) HEY, PANINI-HEAD! LISTEN TO ME!
Brian: Yes?
Gordon: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE! I'VE EATEN HERE!! Partners? Partners in crime! You should be ashamed.
Brian: We are ashamed.
Gordon: You've just contaminated the town! (Leaves the walk-in) Hey, Nick. Nick! Stop! Right now, this is not a romantic eat-out. This is a Valentine (bleep) massacre! IT'S A DISGRACE! How can you do this!? I'm closing this place down. SWITCH IT OFF!!

[after Gordon shuts the kitchen down]
Gordon: What I've just discovered is totally unacceptable. Enough is enough. Chris?
Chris: Yes, sir?
Gordon: You are passionate about food. You feel deeply about it. I want to hear it.
Chris: I'm ready. I'm ready to tear it down and start over.
Gordon: You've got a big pair of bollocks facing those customers tonight. What can be said about the "partner" you are in business with? (to Brian) Where were you? How many tables did you talk to? How many customers did you apologise to?
Brian: None.
Gordon: How much support did you give the waiters, the manager?
Brian: None.
Gordon: Right. You were doing jack-(bleep) tonight. You make me sick.

Narrator: Inspired by the fresh locally-grown apples, Chef Ramsay heads back to the restaurant to work on a special he has in mind for tonight's dinner service.
Gordon: Right. What are they called.
Brian: (unenthusiastically) Apples?
Gordon: Apples, (bleep) smart-arse.

Jack's Waterfront [2.07][edit]

[Gordon has just ordered a "krab" omelet...]

Gordon: Wow, look at the size of that. That's a lot of "krab." And you haven't told me about the "K" yet.
Erica: Oh, he said he wanted everybody to know that it wasn't real crab, it's artificial crab. So he spelled it with a "K" so there was no misconception.
Gordon: So it's fake crab meat?
Erica: Uh-huh.
Gordon: In a seafood restaurant, on the water?

[After taking a bite of some rubbery fish and chips]

Gordon: When you take a bite of that cod, it's almost like you've got a breaded condom in your mouth.

[During a kitchen inspection]

Gordon: This is salmon that is marinated in... that looks like... [he smells it] an Italian dressing. Oh dear. [finds tuna that has been dyed pink] What's this? Seafood restaurant on the water. Tuna that's dyed pink to make it look authentic. Look at it, my God. Unbelieveable. And here we have... [he finds a risotto] That looks like a mushroom risotto, grey risotto. Unbelieveable.

[Gordon shows the chefs some beef bits.]

Gordon: What is that there
AJ: I believe it's beef bits.
Gordon: Beef bits in blood.
Scott: Nasty.

Sabatiello's [2.08][edit]

[Dover sole stuffed with imitation crab meat is being sent back to the kitchen]

Sammy: What's the matter with this?
Marco: She said it's not fresh, she said it's no good.
Gordon: It's (bleep) watery.
Sammy: Let me have a taste. How bad is it? [tastes it] It's not bad though! It's not bad! It's not bad! [Gordon tastes it and spits it out.] Ohhhh, no! Come on! He spits it out. It's not bad.
Gordon: You're (bleep) delusional. It's mushy. It's watery. It's fake.
Sammy: It's not the right crab meat. You're right.
Gordon: And it's (bleep) disgusting. You're jumping up and down like a big (bleep) baboon and "Ho, ho! It's good! Whoo!"

Gordon: Watching this restaurant perform is embarrassing. Fake (bleep) crab meat inside of sole? It's pretty obvious, it's become the appendix of restaurants in Stamford. You just want to get rid of it and get it out.

Narrator: With food now coming back, it's a perfect opportunity for Gordon to witness Sammy's customer service skills.
Sammy: How did you want your meat cooked? Did you want it rare?
Lady: I wanted it medium rare.
Sammy: So can we make you another one? Will you wait or you don't want it all?
Lady: I'll wait, but the thing is I don't want you to stick it back in a microwave.
Sammy: No, we're going to throw that out and make you a new one. Nobody's talking about microwave. You're the one who's talking about microwave.
Lady: It came out of a microwave, otherwise it wouldn't be exuding heat.
Sammy: Do you work for a microwave company? You know so much about microwave. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Get the (bleep) out of here. Tell her to take a hike.
Customers: That is rude. Wow. To speak to a customer like that, that's disgusting.

[Later when the lamb is recooked and brought back to the lady, the restaurant breaks out in applause]

Sammy: No wait, we're not done yet. I want to see you cut into it. How is it? Is it still too rare?
Lady: You know what? I'm done. No more chances.
Sammy: Unbelievable. (interview) Oh my god. I just wanted to pick her up and throw her out. There's a right way and a wrong way of handling something like that and she was totally wrong.

Fiesta Sunrise [2.09][edit]

Gordon: When were these done?
Vic: Yesterday?
Gordon: Yesterday? (Bleep) off, Vic, please. They weren't done yesterday. Okay. You can ask him in his own language; ask him very, very quickly: "When were these cooked?"
Vic: (to a cook) ¿Cuándo cocinaron de eso? (When did you cook that?)
Cook: En viernes. (On Friday.)
Vic: (to a cook) So this was from last week.
Gordon: Of course, they're from last week!

[Gordon finds some fresh chives in the fridge.]
Gordon: What are these? (to Vic) Vic?
Vic: Yes, chef?
Gordon: These are fresh chives. Sell-by date, five months old.
Vic: Where'd you find that?
Gordon: I found it in the (bleep) fridge. Smell it.
[Vic smells the chives.]
Gordon: Vic, look, let me just show you something.
[Gordon shows Vic some fish.]
Gordon: What is that? Stop getting nervous now. Talk to me. What is this?
Vic: That's the fish we're using.
Gordon: That's the fish you're using? Oh, (bleep) me.

Gordon: How old is this stuff?
Vic: Yesterday.
Gordon: Yesterday?!
Patti: He said, Friday.
Gordon: [finds slimy chicken] Look at that! Oh, my god. (cough) When's all this from?
Patti: Friday. He took it out Friday.
Gordon: Oh, everything's Friday? Let me just show you something, look how green and slimy that is. That's from Friday? Look at that, that's from Friday? Look at my fingers. Friday? Look, look (pours the juice from the tray). There you go. That's from Friday? How do you say in Spanish, "This is not healthy"?
Patti: No es saludable. (It is not healthy.)
Gordon: Thank you. What is going on in here? A hungry cat would walk away from that.
Patti: (interview) I was mortified. I felt embarrassed for letting this go on for so long.
Narrator: While customers in the dining room continue to eat sub-par food, Chef Ramsay's kitchen investigation intensifies.
Gordon: What is going on here?
[Gordon finds a tray of burritos.]
Gordon: What's that?!!
Vic: The burritos.
[Gordon finds a tray of chicken enchiladas.]
Gordon: What's that one?
Vic: The chicken enchiladas.
Gordon: Ugh! How?!
[Gordon finds a tray of ground beef with dried up fat covering it.]
Gordon: Oh my God! What's that?!
Vic: That was the ground beef.
Gordon: Ground beef?!! Half of it's (bleep) fat, you idiot! It's fatter than you!
Patti: (interview) I felt satisfied that finally somebody called him out on his (bleep).
[Gordon finds a bucket of beans.]
Gordon: Oh, (bleep)! What's that?
Vic: The beans.
Gordon: Ugh! How? It's like a cement mixer. Are you (bleep) stupid? Who's controlling this?
Vic: I am, chef.
Gordon: You are? You... are a walking disaster.
Vic: (interview) Now I'm feeling, like, like stupid.
Gordon: Lift it up. The fridge is full... of (bleep)! It -- it's DISGUSTING!! I wasn't here on Saturday, but what were they expecting? (Bleep) ten thousand customers for lunch? Patti, I'm (bleep) disgusted. Yolanda, that's a joke.
Yolanda: I understand. (interview) I don't want people to get sick and I don't want them to spread the word that the food is bad here.
Gordon: (to Vic) You're overstaffed. Under-worked. (BLEEP) food! I wouldn't trust you running a bath, let alone a (bleep) restaurant! You must be out of your tiny mind!
Vic: I care for the restaurant.
[Gordon grabs the huge bucket full of stale re-fried beans]
Gordon: I want to take that out there. I dare you, take it out there. Go on, give it to them! Yeah, there you go.
Vic: Excuse me?
Gordon: Look at me! Why won't you take it out there?
Vic: That's embarrassing.
Gordon: "It's embarrassing"? WHY ARE YOU SERVING IT?! YOU DON'T (BLEEP) CARE!
Vic: Why?
Gordon: Why?! Because you're serving that and trying to charge people money for that. That's why you don't care.
Vic: I care for—
Gordon: YOU DON'T CARE (BLEEP)! No (bleep) way!
[Gordon picks up the bucket of beans, carries it through to the dining room, and places it on a table in front of the shocked diners]
Gordon: (Bleep)! Ladies and gentlemen! I'm so sorry, but we're stopping service. Everything you've had to drink, eat so far is all on the house. Sir, that thing you have in your hand, put it down! Because if you just seen where it came from like I have, you wouldn't be eating it. Very sorry. Close up. (to Vic) No bill anywhere!
Vic: (interview) I was like, "What the hell are you doing?" You can't do that to my customers.
Gordon: By the way, there's your re-fried beans on the way out. Have a look at them.

Narrator: While the family cools off, Chef Ramsay heads to the kitchen to come up with a game plan to fix the restaurant's biggest plan — the food.
[Gordon sees that the kitchen is infested with cockroaches.]
Gordon: Oh my God. What in the (bleep) is that? That is a (bleep) joke.
[Gordon calls out Vic, Patti and Yolanda.]
Gordon: I wanted us all to get involved, and doing something together, yeah? I wanted a fun element. You (Patti) make a burrito, you (Yolanda) make a burrito, you (Vic) make a burrito, and the best one goes on the menu tonight. That's what I wanted to do. I couldn't do it, because of these little (bleep) here. LOOK AT THEM!
[We see that the kitchen is infested with dozens of cockroaches. The women look disgusted.]
Yolanda: Oh, my god! (interview) I feel sick to my stomach. I want to throw up, because I had coffee here earlier, and I don't know if the roach went through my cup.
Patti: I didn't know about this problem either.
Gordon: Two dishwashers, two prep cooks. Who's cleaning around here? Do they seriously put food on those plates?
Patti: (interview) Vic's here seven days a week. I don't know how he didn't realize the problems in the kitchen.
Gordon: Can't you see these? I'm trying to move forward, I'm trying to get going, but every time I put my foot on the ladder, I get knocked back. Did you know this was like this?
Vic: I noticed, I noticed, but, uh...
Gordon: You knew it?
Vic: Yeah.
Gordon: We're going to have to do something! We cannot open, we need an exterminator. How can I start even attempting to think of a new menu when the place is festering with cockroaches?!
Yolanda: I didn't expect this. I don't think it could get worse, I don't even know what could make it worse at this point.
Narrator: After Chef Ramsay's dirty discovery, he immediately called in an exterminator.
Yolanda: I had no idea it was that bad.
Gordon: Bloody hell. I'm pulling my hair out now. I'm sorry, but you're running the place.
Vic: Sorry.
Yolanda: Vic, this is stupid.
Gordon: Where do I go, Vic?
Vic: Sorry.
[Gordon goes outside.]
Vic: (interview) I'm embarrassed with Chef Ramsay. I don't think that I uh... we can make it a good restaurant.
Gordon: You can't run a (bleep) restaurant like that!
Vic: You think I'm mad? I'm (bleep) embarrassed now.
Gordon: You should be (bleep) embarrassed. I'm not putting one foot in that place until that place is (bleep) cleaned, yes?
Vic: You're right.
Gordon: Now you start getting those guys cleaning, yes?
Vic: Definitely.
Gordon: Put some (bleep) pride! Do you understand the word pride?!
Vic: Yes.
Gordon: It's not possible for someone to have his head so far up his (bleep). (Bleep) me.

Gordon: Service, please! Pass it over.
[The cooks hand Gordon two plates of food, both of which are covered in large black chunks]
Gordon: What's those black bits, coming from the...?
Cook: From the top.
Gordon: The top of the broiler? Jesus Christ almighty. When was the last time the broiler was cleaned?
[A server is shown talking to some diners in the dining room]
Server: The chefs, now, they are crazy, you know.
Customer 1: But this place is half-full. What are you going to do when it's crowded, and there's people waiting outside?
[Back in the kitchen, Gordon checks the broiler]
Gordon: This is unbelievable! What the (bleep)'s happening?! When was the broiler cleaned last, gentlemen? If he (bleep) tells me Friday one more time, I'll boil him!
Yolanda: Every Sunday, they say.
Gordon: Every Sunday? My (bleep) (bleep)!
[Cut back to the table seen earlier, where only two out of the six guests have any food]
Customer 2: This is out of control. I mean, you've got your food, you've got your food.
Customer 1: Yep.
[In the kitchen, Gordon wipes the soot off his hands]
Gordon: I've got four chefs who can't cook (bleep) rice, and soot all over the food. What is going on?! (Bleep) me. You're supposed to put salt on the food, not (bleep) soot!
[The table seen earlier starts walking out]
Gordon: (to Vic) You can't employ these guys! One can't clean, one can't cook rice.
Yolanda: (interview) I never imagined how bad this restaurant was doing. I don't know what else could happen.
Gordon: (leaves the kitchen) I cannot come to terms with what the (bleep) is happening!

Santa La Brea [2.10][edit]

Gordon: What is that?
Dean: Un-duck. It's... duck. But it's un-duck. Fake duck.
Gordon: Fake duck? So you call it... what?
Dean: We call it un-duck.
Gordon: Un-duck? Right now I feel like I'm getting completely (bleep)ed. Is that popular?
Dean:Yeah, it is, actually. A lot of people ask for that, too.
Gordon: Un-duck... (bleep)... [as he reaches in and pulls out more "meat"]
Dean: That's fake fish.
Gordon: Fake fish? [sniffs, laughs and slides a hand under his collar]
Dean: It looks like fish, it tastes like fish, and it's got seaweed on the outside.

[Gordon rolls the cutely molded, fish-shaped, food-like substance over in his hands.]

Dean: [to audience] We have everything that's "un".

[Gordon strides into the walk-in, talking to audience.]

Gordon: This is incredible. So far I've had un-duck, un-fish... un-(bleep)-believable. What a mess.

Cafe 36 [2.11][edit]

[The food is delivered to the customers on carts, awkwardly]

Gordon: I thought people got pushed into a mortuary on trolleys, no? Not serving food.

[Cafe 36's biggest problem is the long wait times for your meal.]

Female Customer: I feel like I'm drinking more than I'm eating.

Male Customer: I think they got to catch the shrimp first.

Gordon: Eduardo, no wonder you've grown so old. You've aged waiting for the last main course. [Eduardo and the other servers laugh]

[It's the middle of February and Pinto, the head chef, is serving asparagus for the 'veggie of the day']

Gordon: What are these up here for? They're not even in season, asparagus, are they?
Pinto: No. Not right now, they're very expensive.
Gordon: They're very expensive, so why have you got them on?
Pinto: They're veggie of the day.
Gordon: Veggie of the day? Aren't you bothered about the cost?
Pinto: It comes from a different part of the world, Chef. We can get it.
Gordon: 'It comes from a different part of the world'? [to the sous-chef] Are you listening to this?! [to Pinto] It's the most expensive vegetable on the market. You want that?! And it's out of season! And you just put them on four dishes!

Season 3[edit]

Hot Potato Cafe [3.01][edit]

Flamango's [3.02][edit]

Bazzini [3.03][edit]

Mojito [3.04][edit]

Lido di Manhattan Beach [3.05][edit]

Le Bistro [3.06][edit]

Casa Roma [3.07][edit]

Gordon: This is incredible. Right through those doors has to be for me one of the worst restaurants I've ever seen in my entire cooking career. The chef doesn't give a (bleep), the owner's completely clueless and not any form of communication between the kitchen and the restaurant and the management. It's a (bleep) shambles.

[8:58 PM, two hours into dinner service]
Gordon: What are we waiting on Ashley?
Ashley: I'm still waiting on chicken pancotta with penne marinara, an individual kids pepperoni pizza, half order spaghetti with meat sauce, eggplant parmesean with angel hair meat, chicken pancotta angel hair marinara, three chicken parms and a veal Parmesan ...for just one table. (interview) I really felt like crying because it was that embarrassing for me.
Gordon: Erick, can I have your undivided attention?
Erick: Sure.
Gordon: Nothing's happening. We served one table of four, one table of two. For the last three tickets, half an order's gone out, the other half is still on the board. You haven't got a clue what's going on. You're (Drew) running around crazy. What chance have we got serving 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, tables? You asked for one more crack at lunch time. "Let me go big boy! Let me go! I want to do it again!" We're spinning around and serving (bleep)! Do me a favour, close the (bleep) restaurant! I can't stand any longer and watch that embarrassment. I need the door (bleep) closed! Forget it! Good night!

Gordon: I can't even start with a chef that can't even know how to cook something basic. Why are you pulling a chef that is that incompetent? Darling, he's not in the slightest bit of interest of (bleep) making it work, he doesn't give a (bleep) about his cooking, doesn't give a (bleep) about you, and he's here for one thing and one thing only: money. And the only restaurant that (bleep) guy will ever get a job is in a restaurant that doesn't have any customers. If you've got any chance of surviving here, get rid of him. What are you scared of? Talk to me.
Nylah: Where am I going to find another chef?
Gordon: Drew. What's wrong with Drew?
Nylah: Drew, I think can carry it on.
Gordon: So get rid of him!
Nylah: Okay.
Gordon: Unbelievable.
Erick: Babe, I'm sorry.
Nylah: No, no, just wait a minute. Jeremy come here.
Erick: I feel real bad.
Nylah: The whole thing is, this isn't the first time you've let us down. I just can't do it. I know but I just can't do it. You guys get your paycheck every week. Jeremy and I never take a dime out of here.
Erick: We understand that.
Nylah: I know but I mean, the whole thing is not going to work because you...
Erick: Okay so what do you want to do?
Nylah: We're going to part ways.
Erick: Okay that's no problem. Dammit! I (bleep)ed on that deal.
Nylah: (interview) He couldn't pull off lunch, couldn't pull off dinner and so we just had to let him go. You know I can't do this.

[8:30 AM, day two - kitchen inspection.]
Gordon: Last twenty four hours was one of the toughest days ever spent in a restaurant. Last night, we did get rid of the chef which was a positive move. Now I need Drew to step up to the mark, Jeremy to support his mother more...I got here early so I can check out the place properly. With no interference.
[Inside the refrigeration unit]
Jesus... Christ almighty, where do we start in a place like this? [looking at a roast beef] Roast beef, dating back when? [looking at meat that has been defrosting] What is that there? Just meat defrosting, again no sign of what it is. [looking at a parma ham that is moldy] Fresh parma ham, it's caked in mould. This is outrageous. [he touches the base of it, and it stuck on his hand] Look at it. It sticks in your (bleep) hand, it's that rancid. [looking at a rack of ribs, which made him sick] Woh, (bleep) hell. That's just over three months old. [he smells it] Jesus Christ almighty. Oh God. [he ran to a bin to puke]

Narrator: After witnessing one of the worst kitchen walk-ins he has ever seen, Gordon moves on to an area outside the kitchen that restaurants are judged upon - the bathroom.
Gordon: One of the best ways to check the hygiene of any restaurant is always through these bathrooms. Turn that [a blue UV light] on, and turn the lights off. Right, this can be quite scary. [he checks out one of the walls] Oh my good God. Green and yellow identifies bodily fluids. Any form of bleach or any form of cleaning will be identified through the colour blue, but the body fluids on here is extraordinary. [he checks the ceiling] Look, as high as the ceiling, oh my God. Even the ceiling's caked in it, OH MY GOD! This is shocking. [a sign reads "Wash your heads"] Wash your hands, yeah. Honestly, I've seen enough. Let's get the (bleep) out of here.

Gordon: (to Nylah) Nylah, the state of that fridge in there confirms whoever's running this place in terms of kitchen management has given up. They don't give a (bleep) about you, and they don't give a (bleep) about standards.

Gordon: (to Nylah) Having a dirty refrigeration unit is one thing. Having a filthy bathroom is something that (bleep) scares the hell out of me.
[They went to the bathroom.]
Gordon: This thing here [the blue UV light] detects body fluids. Just have a look at this.
Nylah: That's body fluids up there?
Gordon: That there has got nothing to do with any form of cleaning. Look at the (bleep) state of this. Green, green, green, green, green. And here's where it gets really scarry.
[The UV light is shown towards the ceiling.]
Nylah: How the hell did it get up there? (interview) It looked like somebody may have peed on the ceiling, the walls, the doors, you know. It could be a throw-up. I can't even imagine, you know. And it made me sick, I didn't even want to touch the door-knob coming out myself.

Mama Rita's [3.08][edit]

Anna Vincenzo's [3.09][edit]

Revisited: Gordon Returns 2 [3.10][edit]

Casa Roma

[Gordon turns around and sees Q, who used to work at Sebastian's]
Q: How are you doing sir?
Gordon: (to Q) Wait a second. (to Nylah) I recognise this man.
Nylah: Ah-ha.
Q: How are you doing?
Gordon: (to Q) Your first name is...
Q: Q.
Gordon: From Sebastian's.
Q: Yeah.
Gordon: Possibly one of the most difficult, arrogant, jumped-up owners I have met in my entire life.
Q: I thought you'd say that.
Gordon: What the hell are you doing here?
Q: Good question.

Fleming [3.11][edit]

Gordon: You're the owners?
Andy and Suzanne: Yes.
Gordon: Ok, great. (searching through his Danish dictionary) Hvordan er du? (How are you?)
Andy: I'm sorry. No Danish here.
Gordon: But... it is a Danish restaurant?
Andy: The Danes have left the building.
Gordon: So... the chef's Danish?
Andy and Suzanne: No... he's Cuban.
Gordon: Cuban...

Sushi Ko [3.12][edit]

Gordon: I've never been to a Japanese restaurant where I can have a pizza... sushi style... and a chef owner that's no longer in the kitchen. I'm nervous.
Cook: Just go with it.
Ashleigh: Ok.
Gordon: Um... that's the sushi pizza?
Ashleigh: It sure is. It's rice, salmon, crab, and mayonnaise... some cheese...
Gordon: Wow. Thank you darling. Japanese pizza? (Takes a bite and spits it out) Sorry. That... is rancid.

[to Ashleigh]: You were right. That... is an insult to pizza, yeah? And Japanese food.

Ashleigh: (In an interview) Chef had fair warning that it was going to be terrible. (laughing)
Gordon: Mhm!
Ashleigh: I told him not to get it!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 3 [3.13][edit]

Season 4[edit]

Spanish Pavilion [4.01][edit]

[Gordon is not impressed with the lobster bisque]
Gordon: It looks like the lobster was dead before they cooked it.
Joe: The lobster's from the tank.
Jerry: You want to take a look?
[Gordon goes to take a look]
Gordon [points]: Is he dead?
Jerry: No, I think they're just sleeping.
Gordon: Is it? It must be dead.
Balbina: We keep a good eye on them.
Gordon: You keep a good eye on them? Surely not. [pulls the "sleeping" lobster out of the tank] He's (bleep) dead. A dead lobster!

[Michael is in denial]
Michael: That lobster's fresh. Even though it died, it's... good.

Classic American [4.02][edit]

[Gordon meets Dominick, thinking he's the owner]
Gordon: You look live you've been in this business for thirty years.
Dominick: I haven't.
Gordon: Oh really?
Dominick: Six years.
Gordon: What were you doing before that?
Dominick: Laying brick.
Gordon: [after doing a double take] So it's you and who?
Dominick: Colleen and Naomi. They own the place.
Gordon: OK, brilliant.
Dominick: I'm actually going out with Colleen.
Gordon: You're going out with Colleen?
Dominick: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh, so you're going out with one of the owners?
Dominick: Yeah.
Gordon: Ex-customer?
Dominick: Yeah.
Gordon: Right.

[Gordon reads the sign by the front door]
Gordon: 'Enter as strangers, leave as friends'... Enter a stranger, start dating the owner.

PJ's Steakhouse [4.03][edit]

[Gordon orders crab cakes]
Gordon: Somebody spit on my food? What is that?
Server: It's coulis mango sauce.
Gordon: Oh, coulis mango. Thank you. [she leaves] Looks like something out of a modern art museum. Splat! Okay... [takes a bite] Wow. That's (bleep) disgusting. It's rancid. Plastic bits of crap running through the crab cakes.

Gordon: PJ's Steakhouse? "Pathetic Joke"! That's what it stands for!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 4 [4.04][edit]

Grasshopper Also [4.05][edit]

[Gordon tries a French onion soup.]
Gordon: Jesus. It's like somebody's dropped sliced onions into boiling dishwater. Dreadful.
Maureen: How's the French onion?
Gordon: Off to a bad start unfortunately. It's like somebody's pissed in my soup.

[Gordon looks at the shepherd's pie.]
Gordon: That gravy's made from...
Annette: Beef.
Gordon: Beef stock on a shepherd's pie.
Annette: Yes.
Gordon: A shepherd's pie is made out of...
Annette: This one is actually beef.
Gordon: Then it's a cottage pie, not a shepherd's pie, because the shepherd stands for the...
Annette: The sheep.

[Maureen tastes the shepherd's pie.]
Gordon: Bad, that's gross.
Maureen: And it's not hot either.
Gordon: That's part of the reason why I'm not coming back because it's watery.

Chief: (to Annette) He (Mitch) doesn't know what he's doing. Mitch is (bleep) up everything here.

[Gordon tries a fisherman's platter. One of the scallops tasted bad.]
Gordon: (Bleep) hell, my God.
Annette: Oh Lord.
Gordon: That's gross.
Annette: No good, Chef?
Gordon: It's soft, bland, rubbery. I didn't realize it would be this bad.

Chief: (to Maureen) Mitch can be blind and I'm not kidding you. He's (bleep) me over here. All you have to do is do what I told you.
Maureen: Yeah. Well, I'm not even going there, Dad.

Gordon: (to Chief) You're from Ireland.
Chief: Yes.
Gordon: What happened here today had nothing to do with Ireland. Shepherd's pie - well, (bleep) me, that wasn't shepherd's pie. If you went to Dublin and you serve shepherd's pie like that, they would shoot you.

[Gordon finds some mozzarella sticks.]
Gordon: What is that?
Gabriel: Mozzarella sticks.
[Gordon finds some blood in the mozzarella sticks.]
Gordon: Can you see that there? Blood, blood from where?
Gabriel: From the meat.
Gordon: Blood from the meat on the mozzarella sticks.
[Gordon puts down the mozzarella sticks.]
Gordon: Come on, guys. Thank God I didn't have the (bleep) mozzarella sticks. Look like a blood transfusion going on down there.

[Gordon finds some meat in the refrigerator.]
Gordon: You've got raw meat here, cooked meat, salami with blood in there. (Bleep), come on, please. Don't do this to yourselves, let alone the customers. Rule number one: When learning to cook, you cannot store raw meat and cooked meat on the same (bleep) shelf in the same (bleep) fridge. The whole (bleep) thing has got a cross-contamination.

[Gordon finds some slimy chicken tenders.]
Gordon: What's in there?
Gabriel: Tenders.
Gordon: Chicken tenders. Why is it all bubbly and slimy?
Gabriel: The chicken comes like that.
Gordon: The chicken comes like that. Look how slimy it is, look how slimy it is. Look at it. (Bleep)!
Maureen: (interview) My God, it's ribid, it's so embarassing.
[Gordon finds a big piece of salmon.]
Gordon: What is this? How can you serve that? It's like it's been left out for days and it's been attacked by cats.

Gordon: I would never, never have put a spoon of anything in my mouth if I knew this was taking place.
Annette: (interview) It's shocking to see just the extent of cross-contamination. There's no check-up.
Gordon: (to Chief) Sorry, Chief. You may be the chief, but I swear to God, there's one thing that Grasshopper hasn't got is a LEADER.
Maureen: (interview) We should all be ashamed of ourselves. At this point in time, I'd like to shot the doors and just say, "You know what? Break it off."
Gordon: (to Mitch, Maureen and Chief) Someone's got to help me here a little bit. I cannot help a situation who are not willing to help themselves, and you don't need me to come in here and turn your fridge upside-down. Mitch, if you're the one with the hands-on deck in this business, and you're (Maureen) supporting him, and you're (Chief) the mentoring figure, we're screwed.
Maureen: We have people coming tonight. What are we going to do?
Gordon: I can guarantee you one thing. I am NOT serving food tonight with that (bleep) in there - no way.

[Gordon personally brings back a poorly prepared Shepherd's Pie to the kitchen.]
Gordon: What is that? Let me just tell you something, when I was busting my chops earlier making it for you, I turned my back for five minutes and you send that out.
Mitch: Chef.
Gordon: Chef? Come on, guys. On the back of 115 customers in 2 1/2 hours, results are that.
Annette: (interview) Chef Ramsay was like, "To hell with all these!" There was like no passion, no care for any of the food coming out.
Mitch: (Bleep)!

DownCity [4.07][edit]

[Abby lies on the chairs after receiving a harsh critique from Gordon]
Abby: So what do I do? Like, just get out of the restaurant business? Then, obviously, my thirty years in business is, like, worthless and I have no idea what the (bleep) I am doing? Okay! I think I'm going to open that hot dog stand down the beach.
Mini: Want some tea or something?
Abby: No!

[During a staff meeting]
Abby: I don't really care what he says.
Will: Well, I mean...
Abby: He's so completely full of (bleep). Like, seriously? Our meat loaf is, like, what puts us on the map! I mean, it's great!
Nick: I don't like the meat loaf.
Abby: (flabbergasted) You really don't?
Nick: Honestly, I don't.
Mini: We had it the other night together.
Abby: What? What didn't you like about it?
Mini: The food is mediocre, if it's not...
Abby: Mini-Me, seriously!? You're telling me now you don't like it!?
Mini: We eat it because we're here. This is not my restaurant choice. I wouldn't dine here in my off time.
Abby: You're saying, for what we serve here -- comfort food, meat loaf, pastas, steak, whatever -- you're saying, for those--
Mini: It's not up to par even for that.
(the rest of the staff concurs)
Abby: So now you're telling me that you don't like the menu?
(the staff nods their heads, and Abby looks disappointed)
Abby: (testimonial) I feel stabbed in the back, I guess. (back at the staff meeting) You're just hitting me with this, now?
Nick: You know what we're up against if we even opened our mouths about the menu once? Every time we open our mouths, "(Bleep) off!" "(Bleep) you!" "You don't know anything!" We're all at a point now where we're just like, "If this is what she wants, let's just serve it out! We'll take it out of the window and bring it to the table!"
Mini: We were trying to make the best out of it.
Nick: And we are going to have an opinion about it now.
Abby: Oh, you're so full of (bleep)! (walks out of the meeting)
Mini: (tries to bring Abby back) No, no, no, no, no.
Abby: You're so full of (bleep)! No!
Mini: Talk to us! (testimonial) Without a doubt, she's in denial.

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: You haven't got a head chef?
Abby: Jimmy is my head chef.
Gordon: So we have a head chef. Before, you weren't ready to confirm he was a head chef. All of a sudden, we discover this mess down here. Now, he's appointed.
Abby: Rico, why don't we just sell the place and just get out of the business?
Gordon: Why don't we what?!
Abby: I was talking to Rico. It has nothing to do with you.
Gordon: Has nothing to do with me?
Abby: No.
Gordon: Excuse me? What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying--
Abby: You're being a (bleep) (bleep)! This wasn't like this. I don't run a kitchen like this!
Gordon: Hold on a minute. You're calling me a (bleep) (bleep)?
Abby: I am!
Gordon: You stuck-up precious little bitch! Let me tell you something!
Abby: Oh, boy. Here we go.
Gordon: Listen to me!
Abby: I'm not going to listen to you.
Gordon: You're in denial!
Abby: I'm not in denial!
Gordon: Yes, you are! Yes you are! You can't even accept it!
Abby: (Bleep) you!
Gordon: And you walk out again!
Abby: I am! (Flips off Gordon) (Bleep) you! (walks upstairs)
Gordon: There you go. Flip the bird? That's your attitude? (to Rico) And that's your partner? I'm really sorry, but this wasn't like this before I got here? She's deluded, that woman.
Abby: You are insane!
Gordon: Blame me all you want! Easy excuses that you're insane!
Abby: I'm insane? You're insane! You're (bleep) insane!
Gordon: You can't even handle the (bleep) truth!
Abby: That refrigerator was not like that before you got here.
Gordon: You're in denial. Flip out again!
Abby: I would NEVER allow my refrigerator to go like that!
Gordon: And those BONES?! The mouldy lamb bones?!
Abby: I don't even talk to my staff like this! Why don't you get the (bleep) out of my restaurant?!
Gordon: You want me to go? I will go.
Abby: I would love you to go! Get the (bleep) out of my restaurant, please!
Abby: You're a disgrace to this industry! (Bleep) you and get out of my restaurant! Are you still here?
Gordon: (to the cameraman) Not now, guys, please, please.
Abby: (Bleep) him!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 5 [4.08][edit]

Three worst inspections

Narrator: When Chef Ramsay goes to work on any of the restaurants, he always does a thorough kitchen inspection. And while some are absolutely fine, others are a disgusting mess. Here are the three worst inspections in Kitchen Nightmares history.
Number three: Fiesta Sunrise, a Mexican restaurant in West Nyack, New York.
Number two: Seascape Inn, a family restaurant in Islip, New York.
And number one: Dillon's, an Indian restaurant in New York City.

Gordon's top three fights of all time

Narrator: Kitchen Nightmares has seen its shares of arguments, but we've selected the three biggest blow-ups.
We begin with number three, which took place at Peter's in Babylon, New York, where Peter took his anger out not at Chef Ramsay, but on a bill collector.
Number two goes to Sebastian's in Burbank, California, where this owner (Sebastian) had trouble facing the truth, and he literally chased Chef Ramsay down.
And the number one spot goes to Secret Garden in Moorpark, California, where Gordon had seen enough of owner Michel's antics.

Tavolini [4.09][edit]

Kingston Cafe [4.10][edit]

(Gordon is lifting a tray with about 30 salads in martini glasses)
Gordon: Oh, my God. You are kidding me. (Bleep)! Who's doing all this? Oh, my good God.
Una: Um, Gordon, if you continue like that, Jesus Christ is actually going to appear.
Gordon: I hope so, because that's what's needed right now.

La Frite [4.11][edit]

Capri [4.12][edit]

Jim: Ready to get out of the business?
Jeff: No. Don't say that. (cries)
Jim: Come on, stop crying. (Bleep) grow up, you (bleep)!
Jeff: (Bleep) you.

Narrator: Thanks to Chef Ramsay's encouragement, Jeff jumps back into the kitchen and tries to help his brother Jim.
Jeff: Keep it up Jim. You're doing a good job.
Narrator: But unfortunately, he only makes matters worse.
Gordon: [looking at a raw chicken breast] Jim, what have you done to those?
Jim: I don't know what happened to those. I really don't.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the bag?
Jim: I think I defrosted them in the bag and I...
Gordon: Jeff.
Jeff: Yeah?
Gordon: The chicken tenders. What did you do to defrost them?
Jeff: I put it on the steam table.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the steam table from frozen?
Jeff: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh my god.
Jeff: Not what you're supposed to do?
Gordon: No! Frozen food needs to be defrosted naturally.
Jim: Right.
Gordon: Give me the bag. Where's the bag? [takes the bag from Jim] (Bleep) (bleep)! [opens the bag to find slimy chicken] Oh, god almighty! We can't serve them! You'll (bleep) kill somebody! Jim, talk to me!
Jim: What am I supposed to say? It's a mistake.
Gordon: It's a lethal mistake! Is that what I ate lunch time?
Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh, (bleep) me! I've been feeling a little bit crap all afternoon. What are you two doing?
Jim: I (bleep)ed up.
Gordon: "I (bleep)ed up"?
Jim: Well, what do you want me to say?
Gordon: I want you to step up to the plate and be a man!
Jim: I screwed up!
Gordon: You haven't told anyone yet.
Jim: (interview) He was just being a jerk! He's an (bleep). I'm so tired of him just pushing and pushing!
Gordon: Grow some (bleep) balls and take it off the menu!
Jim: (interview) I've had enough. I'm so pissed! I can only take so much before I fight back.
Jeff: (Jim steps out of the kitchen and walks into the dining room.) Jim! Jim!
Jim: Out of the way! (announcing) Ladies and gentlemen! Due to certain circumstance, we have no chicken tonight. (Gordon groans) My apology to everyone here. If you just want to have what you're eating now and leave, I understand fully and I apologize.
Gordon: Hey, there may have been a more subtle way of doing that.
Jim: Get out of my way, (bleep)! We canceled all our chicken orders. We got screwed!
Gordon: Will you stop acting like a baby?
Jim: Oh, blow out your (bleep)!
Gordon: Excuse me?!
Jim: You heard it!
Gordon: Hey, you need a little diaper changing? That time of night?
Jim: I'll give you something!
Gordon: A little poo-poo? Cacked your pants?
Jim: (interview) He's the baby. He's the one that's whining over everything. I don't need to hear this crap.
Gordon: Jim, why do you have to behave like this?
Jim: I'm not going to get yelled at!
Gordon: You're acting around like a big baby. I'm just asking you to grow up a little bit! Show a little respect for what you're trying to cook.
Jim: (Bleep) off!
Gordon: Oh, my god! You big wet noodle! Do you want a blanket and a bottle?
Jim: Do you need one? Upside the head?
Jeff: Jim, stop it, please.
Gordon: Oh, my god. What a spoiled brat!
Jim: (Bleep) you!
Jeff: Jim, shut up, please! You're not helping the cause. (Jim's pan catches fire.)
Gordon: Oh, my god! Now he's setting himself on fire.
Jim: I hope so.
Gordon: (To Darian) Are they always acting this childish?
Darian: Oh, yeah. They don't get their way, they cry or throw a temper tantrum.
Gordon: Oh, my god. To walk into the dining room like that and scream.
Darian: That's what I said. A temper tantrum. (interview) There's a part of me that's very satisfied to see the boys finally get what they deserve. A lesson in humility. (back in the kitchen) Hahaha!!!

[after dinner service]
Gordon: Okay, today can be summed up in one four-letter word: lazy. I can't even start to help both of you when you're not even helping yourselves. I really needed you to do something. Both of you, go through your kitchen and clean it. Not your staff. You. Both of you. Got it?
Jeff and Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Good night. Get to work. [leaves]
Jeff: (interview) We were lazy. Now we're paying for it. We're failures.
Jeff: Yay.
Jim: [sobbing while cleaning a refrigerator grate] It's making it dirtier. Can' this.
Jeff: What's wrong Jim?
Jim: I can't clean anything. I'm a failure. I'm making a mess. (interview) I feel bad. We are in trouble. I really don't know if we can fix it. That's the problem.
Jim: I'm not cleaning anything up.
Jeff: Go take a break Jim.
Jim: No, I can't take a break, cause I'm too lazy as it is. I'm fine. I got to clean this up.

Jeff: By the way, we have HOMEMADE MEATBALLS!

Zeke's [4.13][edit]

Gordon: I saw on the menu, the "Oysters--"
Candace: The Oysters Cortello.
Gordon: [gives her a meaningful look]
Candace: It's an invented dish for our restaurant. The Cortellos are Darryl and Ellen, so they made it up.
Gordon: So the owners have named an oyster after them?
Candace: Yes, they have.
Gordon: They bought the restaurant, now they want their name on the menu.
Candace: Yes.
Gordon: Sounds like someone's struggling for power!

[Sampling the 'Oysters Cortello']

Gordon: Wow. They're dreadful. Oysters named after the owner? I sure wouldn't put my name on that. I wouldn't even put my enemy's name on that.

[Darryl, the owner, has divided the entrees in small portions in order to cut costs]

Gordon: How does this work? Emil, when were these done?
Emil: Last night.
Gordon: Why are they bagged?
Emil: He portions them out to order.
Gordon: Really? (Bleep.) [Watches Darryl's side-eye] What's the idea of putting everything in bags?
Emil: Portion size.
Gordon: Portion size?
Darryl: [interview] I like to have everything in quantitative perspective. If I give too much, you get a happy customer here, you don't get a good customer. They're happy because they're getting three times what they should be getting, and I'm getting nothing. I don't make money on that.
Gordon: It's food. We're not cutting, uh, piping for the bathroom.

Oceana [4.14][edit]

[Gordon's blackened duck has been sent back to the kitchen]
Moe: Oh, my God. [groans] It's tough?
Rami: Look how tough the duck is!
Moe: You said it's tough?
Rami: It is tough, man! Cut it! And look- I'm 500 pounds, and look... [tries to cut it]
Damon: It is not tough.
Rami: The meat is tough!
Moe: I'm hungry and I'm going to (bleep) eat them up myself.
Moe: [interview] That's my favorite dish on the menu. And that duck is not going nowhere. This is going to stay quacking on my menu.
Moe: I don't give a (bleep) if he doesn't like it. [takes a bite] Man, this duck is so (bleep) good, man. (interview) Oh my gosh. (Kisses).
Moe: Hey look, that's the skin.
Rami: It's tough. (interview) Moe doesn't get it. He doesn't want to listen, he still thinks it's tender. I don't know what kind of teeth he has.
Moe: You know what? I'd like him to come back here and cook the duck and show him what his duck look like. We're going to call it the "Gordon duck!" (laughs; Gordon can hear it.) It's going to be a British duck right there! (laughs)
Gordon: What the hell's going on in there?
Rami: How's it going, Chef?
Gordon: They're laughing. What is going on in there?
Rami: The food is coming back to the kitchen and they think it's a joke.
Gordon: Um, can I meet the chef?
Rami: Absolutely.
Damon: [Mocks Gordon back in the kitchen] "It's bloody dreadful! (Bleep) bloody!"
Moe: [interview] Chef Ramsay is clueless. I really don't think that British can cook. Period.

Gordon: Damon, executive chef? How long have you been here?
Damon: About six and a half months.
Gordon: I don't know where to start, but here's the thing: the food is embarrassing. No passion, no flavour. The crab cakes, they weren't made fresh. Do you freeze crab cakes? Damon?
Damon: No.
Gordon: You don't freeze them? Soggy, covered in sauce?
Rami: Chef, I'd like to step on this side, to be on your side, because they do freeze the crab cakes. (interview) I had to step from that line and go to Chef Ramsay's side. How is he going to help us if you're lying to him?
Gordon: Why are we lying to each other here? Are they frozen, yes or no?
Damon: Yes.
Gordon: They are? Why do you want to (bleep) me? I could taste they're frozen.
Moe: But there's a good reason why we freeze the crab cakes.
Gordon: Tell me the good reason behind freezing crab cakes.
Moe: Because we don't have enough customers here to serve the crab cakes, so the only thing to prevent them from going bad is to freeze them.
Gordon: Why make so many?
Moe: The batch is big basically.
Gordon: I don't understand this.
Rami: Why would you make a big batch?
Moe: (interview) Rami... (bleep) you, you just sold me out to (bleep) Chef Ramsay!
Gordon: Damon, when was the duck cooked?
Damon: I can't give you an answer.
Gordon: Oh, come on! I mean, what the (bleep) is this?
Damon: I don't know.
Gordon: (flabbergasted) You don't know when the duck was cooked?!
Damon: No.
Gordon: Do you know when the duck was cooked?
Chef: No sir, I don't.
Gordon: Do you know when the duck was cooked?
[another chef shakes his head]
Gordon: Holy (bleep)!
Moe: I know when the (bleep) duck was cooked! I know!
Gordon: Well, thank (bleep) for that!! Solve the mystery!!
Moe: We cook the duck off the premises. And we usually cook it about once a month.
Gordon: You cook the duck off the premises?
Moe: Yes, in our commissary kitchen.
Gordon: And it stays in the fridge for a month?!
Damon: Freezer.
Gordon: Oh, (bleep)! So, you cook the duck, you freeze it, and then you bring it in like a shipment?
Damon: How many (bleep) times do you want me to say it?
Gordon: Because I'm (bleep) embarrassed! You're just (bleep) me because you haven't got the balls to step up to the (bleep) plate!
Damon: (approaches Gordon and gets in his face) Well, this is me stepping up to the (bleep) plate!
Damon: What the (bleep) else do you need to know?!
Gordon: The truth!!
[Rami and Moe push Damon back]
Rami: You can't do that! You can't do that!
Rami: You need to chill out! You cannot do that! He's here to help us fix the problem!
Gordon: Do I not deserve the (bleep) truth? I asked you if (the crab cakes) are frozen, you lied. I said when did you cook the duck? "I don't know." Why couldn't you be honest? If that's how deluded you guys are, that you can't even tell me the truth, I'm really sorry. I'm not here to help (bleep) liars, let me tell you that. Do you know what? I don't know where to even start. (leaves) (Bleep) me!

Gordon: (finds a container of spoiled shrimp) What's this? Oh, (bleep) hell.
Moe: Oooooh...
Gordon: (smells the shrimp) Oh my... (starts coughing and then throws up in a bin) (Bleep)! How old are they?
Damon: I don't know.
Gordon: Just smell them. (Damon smells) Smell them.
Moe: (smelling) Oh! (interview) The smell was like "Argh!" I had no idea... Chef... Damon was doing such a (bleep) job.
Gordon: Look at the colour of them! All this (bleep) is tarnished now, the whole (bleep) lot is tainted!
Rami: (interview) It's just... unacceptable. I mean Chef Damon should know better, he's an executive chef.

Gordon: (finding tons of pasta in the fridge) I'm trying to help you understand the method in your madness.
Damon: Hey, (bleep), I'm not the one who just said it was done yesterday! I asked my prepper--
Gordon: You can call me a (bleep) (bleep) all you want. So get (bleep) angry with me.
Damon: You're standing right here hearing me ask the person who knows and I gave you his answer, not mine.
Gordon: Right, who's the (bleep) chef around here?
Damon: I am.
Gordon: Right. Bags of jambalaya, in the fridge, warm. Have you any idea what happens to jambalaya in the fridge when it's still warm in the centre?
Prep Chef: Grows the bacteria?
Gordon: "Grows the bacteria"? (Finds bins of crabs) And how many crabs are you selling, "chef," over the next (bleep) three months? Lost for words? (Flabbergasted) Really?! Another box of crab cakes. When were these made? No date, you see, "chef."
Moe: (Interview) There was nothing but dollar signs going through my mind. Soft shell crabs, jambalaya, crawfish étouffée thrown straight down the garbage. Chef Damon basically just took the money right out of our pockets.
Gordon: (Finds a dirty tray) I don't what you think you should be taking out of containers... and sort of... cleaning out your fridge from time to time. One (bleep) question to you: who's the (bleep) now, "chef"?
Damon: I am. (his eyes twitch)
Gordon: I didn't come in here to humiliate you. But how DARE you serve me food from this disgusting fridge, then STAND there, and call me an (bleep), "chef"?! Excuse me... "chef."

[Gordon walks to where the grill is smoking]
Gordon: Who told you to put oil under there?
Chef: Damon.
Gordon: The chef? So you spray the grill with oil? (cough, cough) (Bleep) (bleep)!


Moe: Today is a wake up call for us. The person who is running this kitchen is not up to this job. He's made a lot of damages to this restaurant and we need to tell him that he needs to go.
Rami: Yeah, that's what we should've done a long time ago.
Moe: Can you please go get Chef Damon?
Rami: (interview) It was always my suggestion that we have to let Chef Damon go, but Moe always told me that he can do the job. Finally, Moe has realized that he's not the right guy for us.
[Rami goes in the kitchen and comes back out with Damon]
Moe: Today was a wake up call for me. Chef Ramsay came here and he went to the back and he pointed out all things that are going wrong. Right now, I feel like you are part of this problem.
Damon: I'm not, Moe.
Moe: How can you not know that you're not supposed to put the jambalaya when it's hot in the walk in? How can you not know that? You're an executive chef! How can you not know that? Can you explain?
Damon: I didn't do it. Our prep people did it. I didn't realize that they did it and I've coached them repeatedly to not do that.
Moe: Chef, the problem is excuses. Every time I tell you we have an issue, you just hit me with nothing but excuses and I'm at a point where I cannot take any more excuses. Do you understand that? Do you understand? We cannot afford to have any more (bleep) happen today! We've lost about five grand! WE SHUT DOWN THE RESTAURANT TONIGHT BECAUSE OF THE KITCHEN ISSUES!! Do you understand that? (Damon nods) It's the problem and right now you're the one who caused the problem! Do you understand that? Today, I've made a decision. With all due respect chef, today's your last day at the restaurant. Thank you.

Gordon: I'm going to do some work in the kitchen. Do you have any recipes...on pen and paper?
Moe: (points to his head) Right here.
Gordon: What?!
Moe: Right here.
Gordon: So why aren't they on pen and paper? Why haven't we got a database?
Moe: I like to keep my recipes secrets. If I put them on a piece of paper, I don't want anyone to steal them.
Gordon: (Bleep) hell. Oh, (bleep). So you're worried that somebody gets the recipe and copies it.
Moe: Anybody changes my recipe, I'm going to kill them. It's my recipe.
Gordon: Rami, help me out here. Is this for real?
Rami: This is what we do everyday chef. [Gordon laughs]
Moe: You think it's funny but believe what I tell you.
Gordon: I don't think it's funny, You're just a little bit deluded.
Moe: Well you know what? The recipes are in my head.
Gordon: (incredulously) Are you stupid?!
Moe: I am not stupid.
Rami: Moe, you are stupid. (interview) The kitchen absolutely don't know what the (bleep) to cook because the recipe is in Moe's head! It's crazy.
Moe: Don't call me stupid in my (bleep) restaurant! You understand that you need to learn how to talk to people?! This is New Orleans! You understand?!
Gordon: Wow...
Moe: This is New Orleans! Don't (bleep) come down here talking to us like that!
Gordon: Calm down...
Moe: I have NEVER been chewed up like you chewed me up! (in interview) We got nothing but swamp around here! Anybody who talk like that get chopped up and fed to the (bleep) alligators!
Gordon: I'm not here to blow smoke up your (bleep) (bleep), let me tell you that. I'm here to fix this restaurant. But you are one obstacle, aren't you?
Moe: No, I'm an easy-going guy...I listen, I work hard....
Gordon: But you're a..."busy idiot."
Moe::....I don't think he gets it that he needs to watch his language.
Rami: But you're not getting that he's here to help us.
Moe: But I'm not calling him an idiot, he's calling me an idiot.
Gordon: "Busy" idiot.
Moe: Busy idiot.
Gordon: You're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: I mean, I feel like flipping the (bleep) table right now.
Rami: Did you hear what he said? He just explained it, you're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: Busy idiot! Is he kidding me?! (in interview) I will stand up, beat the (bleep) out of him, and show him who the (bleep) idiot is!
Gordon: What is it you want? A fight?
Moe: (long pause) My problem is, I want to make this restaurant successful.
Gordon: So do I. I'm here to help. I don't want to see you running around killing yourself like a busy idiot. I've just gone over the fact that we haven't got any recipes on paper, and all in your head. You're worrying about writing them down for some other chef copying them and making their restaurants more successful than yours. I'm in the real world. That's where I am. You're treating me like one of your (bleep) staff. Well, let me tell you, Moe, I'm not a member of your staff. Flip the table, punch me, do the (bleep) what you want to do. But don't (bleep) with me.

Rami: Busy idiot's a compliment. He's from British. He doesn't speak English.

Moe: If I don't like the changes, I will send him back to British with a black eye.

Gordon: Moe thinks that running a restaurant on bourbon street is all about having a good time when it should be about dedication and striving for success. That's why I'm not sure that Oceana will be here next year when I come back. Wow. "I've got all the recipes inside my head." Unbelievable.

Season 5[edit]

Blackberry's [5.01][edit]

[Gordon sees a wok where Shelly's cooking her food on]
Gordon: Am I seeing right? You've got a three-burner wok there. Is that a pizza oven?
Shelly: Yes, that is my pizza oven. And the wok. I love it, chef.
Portia: (passes between Gordon and Shelly) Sorry, chef.
Gordon: Shelly, how can you cook soul food in a wok?
Shelly: Watch me, chef! Watch me!
Mateen: (interview) Soul food is supposed to be cooked slowly. Soul food is cooked with love and soul. Not in a wok. Shelly's cooking green beans in a wok, cooking rice in a wok, cabbage in a wok. We're not a Chinese soul-food restaurant. We don't need a wok, okay?
Gordon: (to Mateen) That's a first to me. A Southern food restaurant with a Chinese wok and a pizza oven?
Mateen: Yeah, the oven that doesn't work, right there.
Gordon: Tell me what's working, apart from you.

[Gordon has been accused of planting a dead mouse at the restaurant door]

Gordon: I walked in the front door - a mouse.
Shelly: The mouse that you planted, I know. They told me. But it's okay!
Gordon: No, it's not okay.
Shelly: It's a show.
Gordon: It's got nothing do with TV, nothing to do with your business in the (bleep). I am not going to stand there and even attempt to take that crap from you. You can take your restaurant, and stick it. I am gone. I'm out of here.
Shelly: You're out of here? I'm out of here. (pushing past the others) Excuse me, go. See you later. Shut it down! Let's go, it's over.

Leone's [5.02][edit]

[Gordon is inspecting the kitchen during service]
Gordon: What is that in there? What is that?
Michael: I think it's veal, chef.
Gordon: You think it's veal?
Michael: Pretty sure it's veal.
Gordon: You didn't put it in there.
Michael: No, I didn't.
Carchi: Darryl, what is that?
Darryl: It looks like meat thrown in a pan.

Gordon: All of you, come here! Let's go, come here.

How can we work like that? You've got ingredients from LAST Thanksgiving! Did you smell the flounder?

Chef: Yes.
Gordon: Did you see the cooked chicken, the raw pork, the raw veal? It's a joke! You should be ashamed of yourselves. Under no circumstances, can we continue to serve food. Shut the place down!

Mike & Nellie's [5.03][edit]

Luigi's D'Italia [5.04][edit]

Gordon: Wow, it's crazy. How does the family restaurant not run as a family?
Dominica: They don't get along.
Grace: Because he doesn't belong in this restaurant. (to Luigi) Is is true, or no?
Luigi: Yeah. We have laziness, it's like an infection. What happens is, when Tony is here, and Linda's here, they have no understanding that number one is the customer. No sitting around. No looking at the TV.
Gordon: Watching TV when customers come? Is that true?
Tony: I don't -- I don't think that's true.
Grace: Tony, he don't care about the customer. He wants to sit and play the computer.
Tony: I care about this restaurant. Now, honestly...
Grace: No. He play with the computer here, come on!
Luigi: The complaints say the people feel neglected.
Tony: But the complaints, like, "I don't want to come here when she's there!"
Gordon: Customers that don't want to come when you're working? What's that all about?
Grace: I don't know.
Gordon: I was just asking. I'm listening.
Tony: She's got people that she kisses ass, and they love her. She's got other people that gets blunt in her face, and hate her. Is it right to basically go up to the customer and say, "(Bleep) you! Get the (bleep) out of here"?
Tony: That's what you said.
Linda: (to Gordon) This is what happens.
Grace: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (to Gordon) You tell, I did it right or did it wrong?
Gordon: I'm just trying to figure out what happened. I mean, I wasn't here. Did she say, "(Bleep) you"? Did she not say, "(Bleep) you"?
Tony: I thought she did.
Luigi: She said that to you.
Tony: Oh, yes, she did.
Gordon: What did you hear?
Luigi: She didn't say that. She said that to you! You forget!
Tony: No, no. She got into...
Luigi: Why are you forgetful? YOU GOT TO BE HONEST!
Tony: I'm being honest!
Luigi: You want this guy (Gordon) to help you, or not?
Tony: I'm trying to get him to help me!
Luigi: Then, you got to say what it is!
Tony: I AM!
Luigi: "I think she said, '(Bleep) you!'" YOU THINK OR SHE DID?
Luigi: WHO THE (BLEEP) YOU ARE TO TALK?! We are losing the business...
Grace: (points at Tony) BECAUSE OF HIM!!! BECAUSE OF HIM!!!
Tony: (to Gordon) See, that's why we don't get along.

Revisited: Gordon Returns 6 [5.05][edit]

Greek at the Harbor [5.06][edit]

Burger Kitchen (Part 1) [5.07][edit]

Gordon: [reads menu] Executive chef... David Blaine?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: What, the magician?
Alan: No, no, no, he's not the magician. He's just coincidentally the same name. He was the head pastry chef at the Peninsula Hotel.
Gordon: Now he's the executive chef of the burger restaurant?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: David Copperfield your dessert chef?
Alan: [flatly] No.

David: I follow the recipes as I am told by the owners and if I try to change the recipes, I am tossed out of here.
Gordon: What?!
Alan: That's not quite true.
David: It's not true?
Gordon: Come on, guys, man up.
David: [mutters] Been drinking again.
Gordon: Drinking again?
Gen: My husband doesn't drink.
David: I don't know. I don't know. I can't get the truth out of anybody here.
Gordon: Explain this to me, Gen.
Gen: He does have a lot of control in the kitchen.
David: That's not true, chef.
Gen: What about the mushrooms? You changed the whole recipe and you added wine.
David: You didn't want salt on the mushrooms. Let's tell the truth.
Gen: Did you add wine to the mushroom recipe?
David: That's how you make sautéed mushrooms.
Gen: I just asked you a question. Did you add wine?
David: Yes, ma'am.
Gen: You didn't tell anyone that you added wine to the mushrooms.
Alan: Honey, you're missing the point. You're focusing on a mushroom.
Gen: Mushrooms are important to me. I'm from Poland.
[Gordon shakes his head in disbelief]
David: I think a lot of the problem is, instead of putting sugar in that coffee, put a little Prozac in it.
Gen: David, I just want the truth.
David: This is the truth: I would be better off as a brain surgeon than you running this restaurant.

David: That Gen is a liar, dude. She can't tell the truth.
Chef: She's crazy.
David: The whole place should be on (bleep) LSD, man.

Gen: [giving David his final paycheck] And for the record, I'm not on Prozac dear.
David: And for the record, YOU SHOULD BE!!

Burger Kitchen (Part 2) [5.08][edit]

Michon's [5.09][edit]

El Greco [5.10][edit]

Revisited: Gordon Returns 7 [5.11][edit]

Park's Edge [5.12][edit]

[Jorge cooks a grilled Caesar salad for Gordon]
Jorge: (interview) I think he's gonna love this salad. It's a grilled lettuce. I mean, it can't go wrong.
Ami: [brings the salad to Gordon] Grilled salad.
Gordon: It is grilled!
Ami: You're still amazed?
Gordon: I'm shocked.
Ami: (interview) I've never thought about it, but it's true, like "Wait, why are we grilling lettuce?"
Gordon: [taps the glass to call everyone else's attention] Sorry for interrupting, just for 30 seconds, but this is the first of me: a grilled Caesar salad. They actually grilled the lettuce. [everyone else starts laughing] Could you just show a hand if anyone else has ever had a grilled Caesar salad before? [no one shows their hand]

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: [showing moldy lemons] Look what's in the box. Who turns the produce over? Who rotates the freshness?
Jorge: That's my staff.
Gordon: Really? [tosses the lemons away] (Bleep) me! Seriously?
Jorge: Why throw my lemons like that for? Why are you taking my product and throwing it away?
Gordon: THEY'RE MOULDY, YOU PILLOCK! Do you want to see some more? Stay there! Chicken. [smells the chicken] (Bleep) hell! Look at this. What's this for? [Shows dehydrated potatoes] When were those made?
Jorge: Those were made today. Those are not going to be served to the public.
Gordon: They're not going to be served to the public.
Jorge: I'm telling you that I'm not going to serve those!
Gordon: So you're saving them for what? Talk to me then.
Jorge: Those were from this morning.
Jorge: You're the little (bleep)! I'm telling you, those were made today.
Gordon: Oh, right!
Jorge: If you don't (bleep) believe me, that's your responsibility.
Gordon: Okay, so, you're lying through your teeth!
Jorge: I am not lying through my teeth.
Gordon: Yes, you are! You can't even tell me the truth. Do you know why? Because you don't know and you're a (bleep) joke!
Jorge: [throws the potatoes away] You're a joke too, man!
Gordon: Are you going to walk off then?
Jorge: All you're doing is hammering it!
Gordon: Do you know what? What upsets me more than anything is that you don't realise you're playing at running a restaurant. And the minute you start looking at yourself in the mirror and stop blaming the people around you, the quicker you may get this place turned around. Got it? Good! (Bleep) joke!

[During prep for relaunch night]
Jorge: Okay, so you do the frying station.
Matt: I will not absolutely cook a chicken wing.
Jorge: What's that?
Matt: I don't feel comfortable frying a chicken wing.
Jorge: Why not?
Matt: Unless she wants to put on a pair of orange shorts and go out there serve it.
Jorge: They're here to train us, okay. Are you going to turn around and give them a hard time? Check yourself before you check them out, okay? Not going to ask you again. (interview) He has this huge ego about frying chicken which is really irrelevant. He's here to do what I tell him to do, not what he wants to do.
[Jorge and Richard bring Matt outside to talk with Gordon]
Gordon: What's going on?
Matt: You put a bunch of (bleep) chicken wings on the menu and I think somebody ought to (bleep) put on some orange shorts out there and serve it.
Gordon: Okay, so how about a little bit of respect and showing these two guys?
Matt: Well how about a little (bleep) respect a fine dining restaurant and not put (bleep) chicken wings on the menu?
Gordon: A fine dining restaurant?
Jorge: Are you (bleep) listening to us?
Gordon: Who the (bleep) do you think you are?
Matt: Who do you think I am? A guy who knows when a menu sucks!
Gordon: How dare you get jumped up and tell the owners that the menu's (bleep) because you think you know better? Well, why aren't you doing better? Why haven't you got your own restaurant? How about having the intelligence to calm down and to start again?
Jorge: Is that possible? Yes or no?
Matt: It's possible.
Richard: Will you do it? Yes or no?
Matt: Yes.
Richard: Thank you.

[During dinner service for relaunch night]
Matt: This is (bleep) ridiculous!
Gordon: Come on, Matt. I know you hate the wings but just serve them please. Hate me, don't hate the wings.
Matt: You got your orange shorts? Orange shorts!
Gordon: Cut the (bleep) till the end of service. Okay big boy?
Matt: Come on!
Gordon: Hey you, why do you want to (bleep) around and take the piss? Let me tell you something really important.
Matt: What's that?
Gordon: Yeah. I've (bleep) forgotten more than you know. Just serve the food and shut the (bleep) up, smart-arse!
Jorge: Matt, what is the big deal?
Matt: I'm trying to have a good time.
Jorge: You're not having a good time, you're making life tough.
Matt: I'm having a good time.
Gordon: Why is he acting like that?
Melanie: Because he's a jackass. (interview) Matt is beyond the weakest link. You're here to do a job, do it!
Matt: Pork belly's in the window.
Gordon: Matt, that's overcooked. I know you don't care but I do. And you're supposed to be working hard tonight to get this place turned around. Why are you now trying to sabotage it? Mr (Bleep) who thinks he can't (bleep) cook a chicken wing! Can't even drop a piece of pork belly in the fryer. Look at it, dry, piece of overcooked pork belly! You're going to start sending us down.
Jorge: Matt, you're seriously want to (bleep) me over right now?
Matt: No.
Jorge: Why are you being a piece of (bleep) with me?
Richard: (interview) I don't know if there's something wrong with Matt or not. I'm not a violent man by any means, but if he (bleep)s it up for me tonight, I will something.

[after Matt sends a stone cold pork belly]
Jorge: Matt, why are you (bleep) up service tonight? You're making me look like (bleep).
Matt: Chill out with the (bleep) drama.
Jorge: What did you say?
Matt: Chill out with the drama!
Jorge: Get out of here! Right now! Get the (bleep) out, right now! You know what? That's it. (shoves Matt) Get out of here!
Matt: Alright, fine. That's cool if you're going to be serious like that. (leaves)
Richard: Matt, see you!

Spin A Yarn [5.13][edit]

Charlie's [5.14][edit]

Gordon: (to Tatiana about bad meatballs) What's your complaint about the meatballs?
Tatiana: He said it was toasted on one side, not toasted on the other.
Gordon: Right, why don't you tell your (bleep) chef?!
Casimiro: Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: Now's he's getting upset with me because I called him out. When a guy can't make a meatball or even season one, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And then when I watch a chef that cooks and sticks food up there and holds it, and we're not talking homemade food, we're talking bought in store made bought. My god, it hurts.
Casimiro: Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: And look at that for a stinking attitude! Look at that! A disgusting attitude! Ask him to put his house in the (bleep) mix. If his house was on the line, he wouldn't be cooking like a (bleep) idiot! (Casimiro laughs) Now he thinks it's funny!
Tatiana: What the (bleep) are we going to do?
Gordon: You think it's funny? Yeah? It's a joke!

Cafe Hon [5.15][edit]

Gordon: [Looking for the restaurant] Restaurant with flamingo. [Stops in surprise as he sees a giant pink flamingo above the restaurant] Holy Mackerel. Look at the size of that thing. Wow. Are you serious? Look at that. Wow, wow, wow!

[After dinner service chef Greg sitting out back as Chef Ramsay comes out as well]

Gordon: Oh (bleep), uh what the (bleep) is that all about?
Greg: It's (Bleep).
Gordon: Honestly?
Greg: Yeah.
Gordon: (Shakes head) I mean is she really like that?
Greg: Yes.
Gordon: How do you concentrate like that?
Greg: You can't, I mean you really can't!
Gordon: Not only is she 86ing everything in the middle of service.
Greg: I really can't tell you.

Chiarella's [5.16][edit]

Zocalo [5.17][edit]

Season 6[edit]

La Galleria 33 (Part 1) [6.01][edit]

La Galleria 33 (Part 2) [6.02][edit]

Mama Maria's [6.03][edit]

Ms. Jean's Southern Cuisine [6.04][edit]

[Gordon has been served a pork chop so dry that he sets it upright on the plate]
Gordon: How sad is that? Honestly, come on. How...(bleep) that? It's like the map of America. [points around the pork chop] Start on the East Coast. There's California, where that little dark spot is. Come to central, Midwest. Then we have Seattle. We're here. [points] Pittsburgh. God bless America. [swats at a fly] (Bleep) off, fly.

Barefoot Bob's [6.05][edit]

[Showing Marc and sous chef Chris the freezer and what he found in there]
Gordon: Look. [Showing bag of pork belly that's raw]
Chris: Oh what, that is pork fat.
Gordon: Just hold that two seconds; that's next to this: [Pulls out container of chicken wings not frozen] (Bleep) wings, and the top is soaking wet because it's (bleep) full of condensation! And this! [Pulls container out] Who grabs that out there and doesn't think about changing the bowl. Who could be that dirty? Chili?
Chris: Chili.
Gordon: (Bleep) around the outside. LOOK AT THE MESS OF THIS PLACE! It's (bleep) ridiculous! SOMEONE (BLEEP) MAN UP! [Stares at Chris who is petrified] Young man, you are running a business! Whole wings, next to the (bleep) raw pork? You'll kill everybody!

Revisited #8 [6.06][edit]

Olde Hitching Post [6.07][edit]

Levanti's Italian Restaurant [6.08][edit]

[Ramsay is inspecting the kitchen during dinner service, and has pulled out rotten chicken]

Gordon: Dino? Urgently. That's the chicken we've been serving all night, yes? Why is it standing on that? Look how slimy it is!
Dino: How old is that?
Gordon: [smells the chicken] Oh, my God! Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Tony, two seconds? Tina, you're part of this. [Tony and Tina approaches] What. In. The. (Bleep). Are we doing? How old is that?
Dino: I don't know.
Gordon: Look at the colour of the chicken. Green, and stinking. Hold that. [gets the fish] What is that?
Tina: Cod.
Gordon: In what?! We're serving that! [Tony is flabbergasted, Tina hangs her head, and tries to walk out] Excuse me? [gets a container of sauce from the refrigerator] Look at the way we work. [gets a pack of wilted basil] What is this? Anybody? [empties pack of the basil onto a tray]
Tony: I have no idea.
Gordon: You've got no idea? [gets another container of sauce from the refrigerator] And this? How old is this? [takes plastic wrap off container] Oh, my God! You disgusting pigs! Look. At. That! Yeah, it's fermented. Just smell that. [Tony and Dino smell the sauce] (to Tina) Come on, please. You own it. [Ramsay makes Tina take a waft of the sauce] Ladies? [servers smell the sauce] We've been serving that. See the mould around the side?
Sam: I thought that was basil. Oh, my God!
Gordon: No, that's not basil. I wished it was (bleep) basil. How long does a sauce sit in the fridge to get mouldy around the top?
Tina: Quite a long time.
Tony: (testimonial) I didn't expect to see all of this. They're not doing the job they're supposed to be doing. And these guys, they're going to have a rough time now.
Gordon: Does the town of Beaver deserve [points to the moldy sauce] this?
Dino: Absolutely not.
Gordon: You should be ashamed. Ashamed! (to the Fratangeli siblings) Now, walk out there, and apologise to your guests, and try to do something you've never done in 14 years: (bleep) work together! [turns back on them]
Tina: I'm not going out there. [the siblings and the chefs leave the kitchen; Tina walks out of the restaurant, leaving Dino to speak]
Dino: (to the customers) Excuse me. We appreciate you guys coming out here and trying our restaurant tonight, but we won't be having any more service; Chef Ramsay has shut us down for the evening. Thank you.
Gordon: (overhears Dino's announcement from behind the kitchen) (Bleep) hell! Oh, God! God! [confronts Dino, who has returned to the kitchen] Dino, you're telling them that I'm shutting it down?
Dino: I was just--
Gordon: I heard you. I was standing behind the door. Chef Ramsay did not shut this down! I stopped the owners from serving (bleep) food. But I am not going to continue that! Because you don't realise right now, young man, how bad you've become! So I'm not shutting it down; I'm just stopping you looking more stupid. [points to the moldy sauce] Did you honestly want to continue serving? So you want to continue? [Dino does not answer] You want to continue serving? [walks out to the dining room] Ladies and gentlemen, could I just have your attention for 30 seconds? First of all, my apologies, but I'm not going to BS anybody. I am not shutting this restaurant down, I am stopping the owners from serving this disgusting mess! From chicken that's already slimed, off, gone, to disgusting basil that was never fresh, to a tomato sauce that's actually caked in mould. I am not going to sit here and play party to that.
Tony: Oh, my God. I'm embarrassed.
Gordon: And whilst I am totally appreciative for you leaving your homes to come here tonight for dinner, I've got too much respect for you and too much respect for the industry. I am not going to be part of this any longer. My sincere apologies. [walks to the door and bumps into it, not realizing it's a pull door] (Bleep) door!

Sam's Mediterranean Kabob Room [6.09][edit]

[after Gordon returns his gyro]

Jamal: You guys didn't cook the gyro right. Rubbery as it was.
Emad: Shut the (bleep) up! You're stupid!

[as Gordon was served overcooked lamb shank, the Najjar brothers were arguing within the diners' earshot]

Jamal: You guys can't do your job right!
Emad: Why don't you shut the (bleep) up!?
Sam: Hey!
Emad: What!?
Sam: I don't want to hear any shouting in the kitchen!
Emad: Why don't you tell him to shut up?
Sam: Yeah. You too.

[back at the dining room]

Gordon: It looks anaemic, the colour's dreadful, and it tastes just like bland, boiled lamb.

[at the kitchen, the brothers are still arguing]

Jamal: You shouldn't be giving out garbage food. Are you serious?
Samer: You take over!
Emad: Why don't you take over!?
Jamal: I should!
Emad: Then do it!
Jamal: If you don't want it, then get out!
Emad: Do it!
Jamal: If you don't want it, then get out!
Emad: You're stupid!

[at the dining room, the customers can hear arguing]

Gordon: (to Leina) Do me a favour, send that back to (bleep) New Zealand.
Leina: Okay.
Gordon: (overhearing Jamal, Emad, and Samer arguing) What's going on there?
Leina: They've been arguing, because he's (Jamal) telling him (Emad) that he doesn't know how to cook.

[the brothers are still arguing as Ramsay speaks]

Emad: Idiot, dude. Just go back to the front.
Jamal: Horrible. Horrible.
Emad: Who cares about his opinion?
Leina: He says that the lamb, it just tasted like it was boiled in water. And he said, "Send this back to New Zealand."
Sam: (testimonial) He tried it and he said, "There is no flavor in it!" But I believed myself I make the best lamb shank here in California. (back at the kitchen) I don't really know what to do. (waves a pan at Emad as if wanting to hit him with it)
Jamal: What were you doing again? Oh, yeah. Cook your food wrong.
Wesam: Nobody's talking to you! Stay back there!

Leina: Chef Ramsay wants to see everybody, outside.

(the Najjar brothers goes out of the kitchen to the dining room)

Gordon: Before I start talking about the dishes, what was the fighting going on there?
Wesam: He just like to come back and argue pretty much about nothing.
Jamal: Actually, when we get a complaint, I tell them what's going on, and they can't take criticism.
Samer: No, that's not it.
Jamal: Let me talk!
Samer: You're making it seem that you're better than everything!
Jamal: (to Samer) So why are you still talking when I'm talking!? (to Gordon) If I come back there and let them know, "Hey, this is dry", "Hey, the hummus is messed up"--
Wesam: No, we really accept that. But the fact that you come over there and, "Hey, you guys can't cook. You guys are (bleep)"--
Jamal: I didn't say that!

(the brothers continuing to argue)

Leina: Okay, okay!
Sam: That's what I have everyday.
Gordon: Can I start talking about my lunch? The "combo plate": eggplants, out of the can; hummus, bland; falafel, bland. Sam, you recommended lamb shank, but the bones were disintegrating. When the bones start disintegrating, that's three hours over-cooked.
Sam: I don't know what to tell you.
Gordon: Have you given up?
Sam: Not yet.
Gordon: Top sirloin: it was miles away from medium rare.
Jamal: Umm! (condescendingly points lips at Emad)
Emad: What are you "umm"-ing about? Shut up!
Jamal: Okay, no, no.
Emad: I have nothing to do about --
Leina: Okay, okay.
Gordon: What's wrong?
Emad: He's (points at Jamal) making a scene like it's all my fault. He said, "Umm, umm" (mimics Jamal's condescension) like I'm doing something wrong.
Jamal: Yeah, who's been messing up all day before you walked in? So you know who's here, can't you just, like, step up?
Emad: You should have stepped up!
Jamal: I'm telling you guys what's wrong --
Randah: Okay. He (Jamal) wasn't in that position that day, so stop putting the blame on him. You guys (points at Emad, Wesam, and Samer) were cooking.
Jamal: Who cooked his (Ramsay's) food?
Wesam: You were criticizing us all day!
Randah: Even if he was criticizing, you guys cooked the food!
Jamal: You guys were giving messed-up food. That's what happened, right? Then try it! Then tell me what you think.
Gordon: I've never seen anything like this. (to Emad) Have you given up?
Emad: (nods) Kind of.
Gordon: "Kind of." Do you care?
Emad: Not really.
Gordon: It shows you don't care.

Nino's Italian Restaurant [6.10][edit]

Gordon: You are in denial!
Nino: No! I'm not!
Gordon: (Bleep) me and blowing smoke up my (bleep), telling me you work eight hours a day cleaning, telling me the food is great, people love it. I am (bleep)ing myself. The chef--
Nino: Then you need to wear diapers! You shouldn't be (bleep)ing on yourself.
Gordon: Are you okay?
Nino: Yeah, I'm fine.
Gordon: Or are you just trying to act like a (bleep) idiot to make yourself sound better?
Nino: No, I'm not a (bleep) idiot!
Gordon: Stop sounding like one!
Nino: You sound like a (bleep) idiot yourself!
Gordon: I sound like an idiot?
Nino: You used the word "(Bleep)". So I brought it back to you! I think that's kind of gross!
Corinna: (stepping in) Nino, we need to calm down.
Gordon: Now, I know the problem in this restaurant. I'm staring at it.
Nino: And I'm staring at it as well.
Mike: (interview) To be honest, I don't know what's in Nino's head.
Gordon: Are we done?
Mike: (interview) It's almost like he's completely mentally unstable.

Mill Street Bistro Part 1 [6.11][edit]

[Overlaid with the chefs taking food out of the freezer and nuking it in the microwave]

Joe: We do things with passion, with integrity... the food here at the Bistro is the freshest, hands down.

[Joe's infamous "micro-carrots"]

Gordon: And these are... little carrots?
Joe: Micro-carrots.
Gordon: Micro-carrots? From...
Joe: From a local farm.
Gordon: Do you not think you should let it grow a bit?
Joe: Well, I don't think they're there to be really eaten, they're for garnish.
Gordon: Okay.
Joe: It's a garnish. Nice to add some color.
Gordon: Oh.
Joe: But I would like to explain what we're spending on micro-carrots.
Gordon: Yeah. Can we go through this after?

[Gordon hands the carrots to Joe]

Joe: [interview] I have staff here that'll take care of that. You don't hand me raw food in MY dining room.

Mill Street Bistro Part 2 [6.12][edit]

Joe: [starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?
Gordon: I haven't got the appetite, Joe.
Joe: I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."
Gordon: What the (bleep) are you on? What the (bleep) are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy." An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a (bleep) good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your (bleep)?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his (bleep) farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up, Joe! You're joking, aren't you?
Joe: We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.
Gordon: It's disgusting, Joe!
Joe: So you wouldn't give me any input on it?
Gordon: Get rid of it!
Joe: You want me to get rid of it right (bleep) now?!
Gordon: I would! I would!
Joe: You're in a (bleep)! We don't have it!
Gordon: Oh, here we go! Here we go!
Joe: We don't have it!
Gordon: Here we (bleep) go!
Joe: Make yourself clear.
Gordon: Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy." ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!
Joe: Don't... (bleep)... serve the thing right?
Joe: It's my restaurant!
Joe: I'm asking for (bleep) help!
Gordon: THEN WAKE UP!!!
Joe: You wake up!
Gordon: IDIOT!!
Joe: (Bleep) come in here and help me instead of running your jaw!
Gordon: YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE KITCHEN! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! (to Tom) Let's finish it. Finish it. (to Joe) (BLEEP) OFF THEN!!
Joe: You (bleep) off!
Gordon: (throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that (bleep) with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!
Joe: That's all I'm asking!
Gordon: GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the (bleep) problem. Unbelievable. Un-(bleep)-real.

Yanni's (6.13)[edit]

Gordon: Greasy as anything. It's a huge ball of grease. I love moussaka, but that is miles off. Moussaka? Mou-suck.

[having gathered the staff in the kitchen]
Gordon: I've never seen this before! Every (bleep) fridge is full of fresh stuff and old stuff. Unfortunately, the old stuff's tainting the fresh stuff, so what you think is fresh is no longer fresh. And those poor (bleep) out there are eating this.
Alyse: Can I-?
Gordon: No, you can't. I'm not going to let you cook anymore. Yeah, that's right. You want to continue cooking? You think it's funny, do you? No, Alyse, if anyone can walk past ROTTEN food in a fridge, and continue cooking fresh, you shouldn't be (BLEEP) anywhere near food! And then when I hear, "Oh, I've never seen that before!" THEN OPEN YOUR (BLEEP) EYES!
Peter: I just don't believe this. You know, what happened to "check things"?
Alyse: I don't know what happened.
Peter: (fishing out a beer can from a bucket) What the (bleep) is this!? Do you guys like this (bleep) to drink? Don't leave those in there for so long! (gestures wildly to the fridge) Look! Look in there! That's embarrassing!
Alyse: But we don't use it.
Peter: I can't keep up with everything! I (bleep) baby-sit you like kids! And you still (bleep) me! I don't need to baby-sit; if I want to baby-sit, I'd go baby-sit my granddaughter! She's more fun than you guys!

Prohibition Grille [6.14][edit]

Rishi: I thought it would be a good idea to open a restaurant.
Gordon: Were you intoxicated at the time?

Chappy's [6.15][edit]

Gordon: Looks like Chappy took a crappy in my gumbo.

Amy's Baking Company [6.16][edit]

[Gordon catches with Samy pocketing the tips]
Gordon: Wow. Ten-dollar tip?
Samy: Yeah.
Gordon: Nice. For you?
Samy: Of course, yeah. Why not?
Gordon: Don't you think the girl deserves some tips tonight?
Samy: No. They get paid hourly.
Gordon: And so, did you think that if I went and asked every customer that when they leave a tip, it goes straight to the owner and not to the server, do you think they'd be astounded? Let me ask that table there. (to the customers at the table) Sir, the tip that you left to the young lady server, the owner takes the tips.
Customers: That's horrible!
Samy: No, no, no, no!
Gordon: Don't (BLEEP) with me!
Samy: Yeah, I will (bleep) with you! Who the (bleep) do you think you are!?
Amy: Oh, my god. Samy's going to hurt him.
Gordon: I'm fed up. I'm getting sick and tired of your (bleep).
Samy: Don't speak with me like a villain.
Gordon: Why not (bleep) answer my question?
Samy: I am the gangster, not you.
Gordon: Then (bleep) answer my question.
Gordon: Tell the customers they're going to get their tips.
Samy: No, they don't!
Gordon: They should be told that you're taking them, because these servers deserve them.
Samy: You want to speak with me?
Gordon: Yeah, I want to speak with you.
Samy: Do you want to (bleep) with me? I will (bleep) with you.
Gordon: I don't want to (bleep) with you.
Samy: Then, I will (bleep) with you.
Amy: Oh, my god. What a joke.

Gordon: I can't help people... that can't help themselves... that cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. And if you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream, whatever you want to say. But, this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff. It's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu. And it's not normal for the level of animosity that you built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me... is to get out of here. Good luck.
[Gordon leaves via the restaurant's front door]
Gordon: Wow.
Samy: This is what you wanted?
Amy: Yeah, of course this is what I wanted. I'm not participating in this (bleep), give me a break! (points to her microphone) Can I take this thing off me? (interview) We don't need his help! Maybe he knows that.
[the production crew is shown dismantling the camera and lighting equipment]
Crew member: It all has to come down.
Amy: (interview) And now he's gone, he walked away. He'll go on with his life, and Samy and I will go on with our life.

Gordon: Well, it's finally happened. After almost a hundred Kitchen Nightmares, I met two owners who I could not help. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because they are incapable of listening. And in a short period of time, they've managed to piss off the community and go through over a hundred employees in one year. Samy and Amy continued to blame everyone else, yet their biggest problem is themselves. And I know whatever changes I would've made, they were never going to stick with them and that's why I've decided to do something I've never done before. It's such a shame.
[Gordon walks to and enters his car, starts the engine, and drives off]

Season 7[edit]

Return to Amy's Baking Company [7.01][edit]

Pantaleone's [7.02][edit]

(Paulette has just placed a HUGE pizza in front of Gordon]

Paulette: Here's your sausage pizza.
Gordon: [eyes wide as saucers] Holy crap...
Paulette: Isn't that ridiculous?
Gordon: [facepalms] It's like the pizza that ate Denver.

[Remarking on a disappointing meatball hero sandwich]

Gordon: Definitely not a hero, there. There's a typo on the menu. It's not "hero", it's "zero".

[After pouring a sinister yellow liquid off his linguine with clams]

Gordon: Looks like one of the worst urine samples you could ever give.

[After Gordon conducts a taste test... and Pete's pizza does not exactly come out looking good...]

Gordon: I think, Pete, you've overestimated how good your pizza is. ... I did a little research in Denver. Here's the results in a nutshell. 75 percent of our taste-testers preferred pizza A from the top local Italian restaurant. In second place, with 15 percent of the votes, was a store-bought frozen pizza. And in third, and last position, was yours, with 10 percent ONLY of the votes. Yours was the least favourite, you're actually beaten by a store-bought (bleep) frozen pizza. Get the message?

Pete: I love you, you old Brit.

Old Neighborhood [7.03][edit]

Gordon: How can I help two individuals who don't care about what they're doing?
Randy: We do care.
Alexa: We care tremendously.
Gordon: So, why didn't you do anything before I got here?
Randy: We did. I can't tell you how many hours we cleaned.
Gordon: You cleaned before I got here?
Randy: I threw out my clothes on Monday, I was so encased with grease.
Gordon: How long?
Randy: How many hours?
Randy: Five?
Gordon: (Bleep)! WHAT THE (BLEEP)?!!
Alexa: We just need to stop.
Gordon: [walking out of the restaurant] What a (bleep) mess!

Kati Allo [7.04][edit]

[food comes from lift]
Gordon: What is that? Where is this coming from?
Chef: This is for the special.
Gordon: For the special. That's all hot. No, I know, but wait. It's all hot. Where is it coming from?
Chef: Downstairs.
Gordon: So you have a team of chefs downstairs as well?
Chef: No. Only one woman... put in the microwave.
Gordon: Only one woman?
Chef: Yes. That's all the work she do.
Gordon: [yelling down the lift] Hello? Hello? Hello? Wow. [talking to Christina] Christina, there's a lady downstairs that heats this stuff up.
Christina: Yeah, she puts these in the microwave.
Gordon: What is that?

Mangia, Mangia (Part 1) [7.05][edit]

Julie: Our spinach has never never never never NEVER looked like this!!
Kevin: This restaurant runs like the Jerry Springer Show.
Mike: The food... isn't cooked with much love. It's cooked with stress and a microwave.

Mangia, Mangia (Part 2) [7.06][edit]

Janelle: Hey Kevin, let's talk about how many times you haven't shown up to work without your tie.
Kevin: Two times.
Janelle: You're so disrespectful to her! You need to show a little respect!
Trevor: She doesn't listen to anything we have to (bleep) say!
Janelle: She tries to but you guys don't give her a chance!
Julie: Trevor, I have talked to you a hundred times about, stop! I've talked to you over and over, you know I'm not (bleep) lying, you are! I have sat down and talked to you so many times and said "What can we do to make this better?" and you never (bleep) say anything, so that's a lie!
Trevor: But when I do say something, it gets shut down!
Julie: You are (bleep) lying!
Trevor: Whatever!
Janelle: She's given you so many chances Trevor and you know it! Let's talk about your habits for a second and all the times, you've come in so high that you throw (bleep) at the walls! So high, you (bleep) punch people!
Janelle: NO, (BLEEP) YOU!!
Gordon: Drugs? Who's on drugs?
Gordon: Janelle, Janelle.
Julie: Janelle, come here.
Gordon: Okay, stay away from him now. Darling, go inside the restaurant please, and get a glass of water please.

Gordon:[handing Mike a dish of lasagna] Okay, now into the microwave for four minutes--

[Mike, out of habit, reaches for it. Gordon yanks it back.]

Gordon: (Bleep). Are you serious?!

[Everyone laughs.]

Gordon: You're good at taking orders, but you've got a brain. Use it.

Zayna Flaming Grill (Part 1) [7.07][edit]

Gordon: I've got a little quiz. Are you ready for this? ... How do you spell 'bistro'?
Mark: B-I-S-T-R-O.
Gordon: Uh-huh, good. Now, how do you spell 'dining'?

[Mark puzzles for a moment]

Mark: D-I-N-N-I-N-G.

[Gordon rolls his eyes] [Amel laughs]

Gordon: So, you wrote this menu?

[Mark laughs, nervously]

Zayna Flaming Grill (Part 2) [7.08][edit]

Bella Luna [7.09][edit]

Wikipedia has an article about: