Kitchen Nightmares (uncensored)

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For the censored version of the same series, see Kitchen Nightmares.

Kitchen Nightmares is a reality TV series on FOX where Chef Gordon Ramsay visits failing restaurants across America and tries to help them turn around. It aired its first episode on September 19, 2007.

Kitchen Nightmares and all related episodes and quotes are a copyright of A. Smith & Co. Productions, ITV Studios and Fox Broadcasting Company. The users, editors, administrators, nor founders of the Wikimedia Foundation do not claim ownership nor authorship of the contents on this page. The contents of this page are meant for reference purposes only. Neither Wikiquote nor its parent company, The Wikimedia Foundation, have any affiliation with A. Smith & Co. Productions, ITV Studios and Fox Broadcasting Company, or its parent company, News Corp, in any way, shape, or form.

Season 1[edit]

Peter's [1.01][edit]

[Showing Peter and the others the walk-in]
Gordon: When was the last time you went inside the walk-in fridge?
Peter: I had a hot flash last week.
Gordon: A hot flash?! What does that mean?
Peter: I mean, I was like, hot and I walked in here for a second.

John: Peter's like one of those guys who eats out a lot, so he assumes he knows about cooking in restaurants. He has no clue about the kitchen.

Peter: Mom, do me a favor, make me an espresso, please.
Tina: Go and make it yourself!
Peter: [To Gordon] I just want my mother to get me an espresso, and I’m ready.
Gordon: Espresso?! Bloody hell...

[In the middle of the lunch rush]
Peter: Can someone get me Tina, please? I need orange juice.
Gordon: You want Tina to stop now and get you a glass of orange juice?!
Peter: Don't I have anybody that can get me orange juice?
Gordon: Peter. Look at me. Fuck yourself.

[Day four, 5:30pm, thirty minutes before relaunch]
Narrator: With the doors about to open, Gordon gathers the staff for a quick chat.
Gordon: Right, tonight is a critical, crucial night.
[A bill collector appears on the doorstep.]
Gordon: Are you with us? Or are you...
Bill collector: No, I'm just waiting for him (Peter).
Gordon: Okay, but we're really busy right now.
Narrator: Once again, Peter's has a bill collector on its doorstep.
Gordon: (to bill collector) You are interfering, that's what I'm saying. Now get out of the way. Would you mind...
Bill collector: I'm interfering? You got to wait two minutes. I got to talk.
Gordon: Get out of the way.
Bill collector: What?
Gordon: Why don't you get out of the way so we can go on?
Bill collector: You get out of the way. Don't worry about it, I'm talking to him.
Gordon: Why don't you go -- no, get out of the way.
Bill collector: (points to Peter) I want to talk to you.
Gordon: I'm saying: Get away.
Peter: (to bill collector) Hey, who are you talking to? (begins to take off suit jacket)
Bill collector: I'm talking to you!
Gordon: (tries to hold Peter back) God almighty! Relax, relax, relax, relax, relax!
Peter: (unintelligible, overlapping, drops his jacket)
Bill collector: (unintelligible, overlapping)
Gordon: Oh, no! Relax, relax, relax, relax!
Bill collector: (unintelligible)
Peter: (gets in bill collector's face) Fuck off! Get the fuck out of here! Who the fuck are you?!
Gordon: (still trying to restrain Peter) Relax! Relax! Dear, oh dear!
Peter: Who the fuck are you?! Fucking tough guy?!
Gordon: (turns away for a second) Christ almighty...
Peter: (unintelligible, chases bill collector outside)
Gordon: (notices what just happened) Oh, shit...

[Outside, Peter and the bill collector's argument continues.]

Peter: (trying to instigate a fight) Yeah, tough guy! Come on!

[The bill collector tries to walk away]

Peter: (being restrained by Robert and John) You fake little gangster! Come on! You fake little gangster! I'll hurt you, scumbag! YEAH, TOUGH GUY!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
John: Stop!
Gordon: Come out of the way, come out of the way.
Yogi (Peter's father): Peter, you're embarrassing me.
Peter: Fuck this guy!!
John: Peter, Peter, relax.
Gordon: Relax, relax.
Peter: Who the fuck is he to come in my fucking place?!?
Gordon: Relax, relax, relax.
Peter: (still raging at the now-departing bill collector) Have my fucking cock, you scumbag! Yeah, tough guy! (gets right next to his car and knocks on the window) Right now! Right now! (bill collector drives away anyway)

[post-dinner meeting]
Gordon: This place was a success, and has now pissed through your hands.
Peter: Well, it is what—it is what it is.
Gordon: You neglected it.
Peter: I understand, but right now we’re not in a situation, money-wise, to fix it.
Gordon: Well, fuck me; what’s the time? (Peter looks at his watch) What do you think this is? Your fucking little sound to get your massaging—get fed? You’re fucking walking around this place with a bowl of food in your fucking hand, eating away. That’s not how I run my fucking business.
Peter: I’m getting a fucking headache.
Gordon: I don’t think you’ve seen a day’s work for fucking 20 years.
Peter: I-I-I’ve had my own personal problems...
Gordon: We all have problems. (points to all the other people and himself) Problem, problem, problem, problem, problem. You’re no different. Let’s start working at the problem.
Peter: What’s the problem?
Gordon: What’s the problem? YOU. That’s where I’m starting.
Peter: Excuse me? (beat) (to the staff) He’s fucking nuts, this guy.
Gordon: You’re right; I’m fucking nuts, because you got fuck-all to worry about right now, have you?
Peter: Listen to me.
Gordon: I’m fucking listening.
Peter: Listen to me.
Gordon: You sound like you’re at the fucking Godfather.
Peter: Yeah?
Gordon: What the fuck is going on here? You’re the only fuck in here right now that’s not pulling their weight, and that’s not fucking good enough. I think this place would run better without you.

Dillon's [1.02][edit]

Gordon: [to the chef]: Pleased to meet you; Gordon. [to Mohammad]: Tell him, in a really nice way: "Your food is shit".
Mohammad: [Says "your food is shit" in his language]
Gordon: Food was bland. Old-fashioned... I've eaten it, I don't feel too good.
Chef: [Says something in his language]
Mohammad: Well he said that, uh, that lamb is probably the old lamb.
Gordon: You served me old lamb?
Mohammad: (interview) I'm embarrassed to see... the situation.

(Day two, 11:55 a.m. - kitchen inspection)
Narrator: Having discovered the terrible conditions in the kitchen, Gordon now ventures down to the basement to check out what's lurking below.
Gordon: What's that smell?
(Gordon finds a rat trap)
Gordon: What?!! (to Mohammad) What is that? Is that for rats or mice?
Mohammad: This is food for to catch a rat.
Gordon: So we have got rats here.
Mohammad: Rat is all over the place.
(Gordon moves aside a refrigeration unit, then notices droppings underneath the unit)
Gordon: That's rat droppings. Look at them all, everywhere.
Mohammad: Rats.
Gordon: Rats. Oh my good God.
(Gordon notices some cockroaches)
Gordon: Look at the cockroaches.
(Gordon opens a cardboard box)
Gordon: Oh my God, look. I've got one in my fucking hair, that's cockroaches. The box is full of them.
(Gordon opens another cardboard box)
Gordon: Look, look at them all.
(Gordon opens the refrigeration unit)
Gordon: Oh my God, look. There they are, there in the refrigeration. Oh fucking hell. Oh my God. Oh no. LOOK AT THAT! Oh my God, look at it. (to Mohammad) There you go, there you go.
Mohammad: (interview) I was shocked. It's like a nightmare.

Gordon: (finds half a tomato) When's that from? That's been sliced. That's gone out. What is that - where is it - hey madam, where's that tomato gone?
(The other half is being served on a dish in the dining room)
Gordon: (digging through the slugs in the tomato) Look! It's fucking rotten, you fucking idiot! IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! Has a customer just been served a slice of tomato?!!
Server: No, no, no.
Gordon: So where is it?!!
Andrew: (interview) Oh my god.
(A customer starts eating the other half of the tomato)
Martin: (interview) Things are looking pretty glum.

Gordon: No-one is getting served from this fucking restaurant tonight! Let's make that clear! Yes or no? Anyone against that?
Andrew: No.
Gordon: No, good.
Martin: (interview) That didn't go down too well. He was extremely angry and extremely pissed off.
Gordon: We are not...ever...again serving any of this food. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Can you go and tell them that the kitchen is closed? Right now! Out there and tell them the truth! Tell them now!
Andrew: (interview) Gordon was so outraged. So angry. I've never seen anything like it.
Gordon: (enraged, he can be heard in the dining room) FROM GREEN BURGERS, TO FUCKING FURRY CUCUMBER, TO FUCKING RANCID POTATOES!!!

Gordon: This place can be phenomenal. The location is extraordinary. This is a new start. You have to treat it as a new beginning.
Mohammad: Exactly. Of course.
Gordon: I mean, in a perfect world, I would sacrifice one your managers to employ Vikas (Khanna). You cannot carry driftwood in your business. Out of the three managers (flashes to Martin, Khan, and Andrew), one has to go. (Martin glares at Gordon) Between you and I, Martin has an amazing way of manipulating you. And he is not worth his weight in terms of what he brings to the table.
Martin: (interview) Hearing Gordon Ramsay say that to Mohammad, that makes me upset and angry. The frustration just boiled over. (approaches Mohammad) Tonight, tonight, Mohammad, I've never used you. I've respected you. I'm proud of what we've done. I've never cheated you. And I take --
Gordon: What's going on?
Martin: You're asking... for a manager to leave.
Gordon: Come on.
Martin: I've had enough! Because, you have been insulting me? You've accused me of riding on his back!
Gordon: Did you hear what I just said to him?
Mohammad: Martin?
Gordon: So... (to Mohammad) Let him go. Go on. Get it out. Get it off your chest.
Martin: No, that you...
Gordon: For the first time since I met you, show me that you're a man.
Martin: First, you accused me of riding on this man's...
Gordon: Why are you pointing like that?
Martin: Because I'm angry, okay? You want to see passion? I'm giving you passion. This person (Muhammad), I've respected. And you have the audacity to accuse of, like, taking his money...
Gordon: ...riding off his back?
Gordon: Riding off his back, is what you said. Well, that is disgusting. You don't have the right. You don't know that.
Mohammad: What about...
Martin: I have nothing to be guilty of.
Gordon: You what?
Martin: Nothing!
Gordon: You sat in it. (flashback) IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! (Martin simply looks at) (to Martin) Yeah, you ran it. You sat in it.
Martin: Yes.
Gordon: You wasted it.
Martin: Yes. I wasted it?
Gordon: You encouraged it.
Martin: It was always like, it spiraled...
Gordon: You let it go to shit.
Martin: It spiraled out of control. And I asked you to come on board.
Gordon: You're feeling guilty. I'm glad.
Gordon: You're guilty.
Martin: Mohammad, I'm... NOT GUILTY! I'm not going to take this put-down anymore. I have nothing to be guilty of. Listen, this is my last night.
Gordon: Who said this was your last night? I'm curious.
Martin: Yes, this is my last light. This is my last, tonight!
Gordon: Please tell the owner, not me.
Martin: (to Muhammad) This is my last night. I'm out of here. I quit! (walks out)
Gordon: Jesus Christ.
Mohammad: (interview) When Martin left, actually, I was shocked. I didn't expect he's going to go dead there.
Martin: (interview) I think Gordon Ramsay is full of shit. And I'm extremely angry and extremely pissed off. And now, I turn my back and walk away.

The Mixing Bowl [1.03][edit]

Gordon: When was the last time you went to a spa? The gym?
Mike: [Laughs and touches his belly] What, are you saying; are you trying to say something?
Gordon: I'm asking, when was the last time you went to the gym?
Mike: Oh, not for a long time.
Gordon: When was the last time you had a salad?
Mike: [Laughing] Not for a long time.
Gordon: Right... ok.
Mike: If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
Gordon: Ok, great. [To the camera]: When you look at the way the restaurant's put together, you can identify instantly, from the paper cloths, to the drapes, to the plants, to the ceiling, to the color, that this restaurant really is on its last legs. There's not long to go here.

[The New York Dragons were not on the reservation list thanks to Mike]
Lisa: (interview) The Dragons were supposed to be on that list and Mike just forgot!
Lisa: How is that missed? How is that overlooked?
Mike: Someone-- the Dragons just...
Lisa: Mike, that's what I'm saying.
Mike: I'm not sure what transpired.
Lisa: (interview) It was so upsetting. The was no Dragons on there!
Gordon: My god. For me, it's the most important table. That's embarrassing.
Lisa: You're overlooking extremely important things!
Mike: I was not told about the Dragons. I found out...
Lisa: Well, why do you keep saying that?
Mike: (losing it) Because I wasn't!! I wasn't told!!
Lisa: Excuse me, do not talk to me like that!
Mike: I was told at 7:00 this morning. THAT IT!!! Seriously, I'm pissed off!! DRAGONS ON THE PAPER!!! I'm pissed off!! Not my fault!! Dragons over here, I put them on at 7:00. COULD WE PLEASE MOVE ON?!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOT MY FAULT!!!

Seascape Inn [1.04][edit]

Gordon: (after tasting the crab cakes) They've got it wrong on the menu. It's not a crab cake. It's a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I'll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.

Gordon: Twice baked potato. Thank fuck I missed that one twice.

Gordon: (finding frozen ravioli that he had for lunch) Bingo. These were my fresh lobster ravioli. Fresh? My fucking arse. I've eaten this shit!

Gordon: (finding pesto) Oh, fucking hell. So that's the pesto I had for lunch. Just look at the colours in there. Look at that, it's mouldy.

Gordon: This is ten thousand times worse than I thought it would be.

Doug: To have another chef in my face in my kitchen, I’m pissed off coyly.

Doug: Gordon Ramsay. He can go off on somebody for absolutely no reason.

Charles: What do you want me to do, stand here and start crying or something?

Gordon: (to Peter) This is not a time - hey - to laugh and take a fucking piss out of me. I've eaten this shit. What's going on, Peter?

Gordon: (to Peter) You've got the nerves to tell me you clean the walls every fucking Tuesday? Touch - Fuck off, will you? Touch the wall! You dirty pig! (to the others) This is disgusting! I'm closing it down. (to Peter) How many has booked?
Peter: About twenty.
Gordon: Twenty - forget it. Get the place steam-cleaned from fucking head to tail. I don't care, but we're not cooking a fucking cookie out of here!

Gordon: I've never done that before, close down a restaurant, but that was a fucking embarrassment. Seascape open? (slams closed sign over open one on sandwich board) Close the fucking place.

Charles: Fuck that four-star chef bullshit.

Gordon: (to Peter) Your head chef is lazy, dirty, and he shouldn’t be anywhere near a kitchen. He’s destroying your business quicker than you can fucking realise. Couldn’t even be bothered to taste what I’d cooked. In 21 years of cooking, that is a first for me.

The Olde Stone Mill [1.05][edit]

Gordon: Are you chewing gum?
Waiter: Yes, sir.
Gordon: You are. Is that normal?
Waiter: I suppose.
Gordon: Really?
Waiter: [Stares at Gordon for a few seconds before returning to the kitchen]
Gordon: Apart from being slow, the waiter thinks it's normal to chew gum! Hey...

[Gordon's chopped salad has been molded into a funnel]
Gordon: Look at that. What's that squashed into? Looks like it's been squashed into an ice cream cone. [The waiter hands him the funnel] ... Ah, ok, that's it there! Right, that sits on top. Was the chef a mechanic?

Dean: I was pissed. Real pissed. I wanted to take the plate and smash it on top of the Chef's head.

Gordon: What's this crap here with calamari in a martini glass?
Tom: We're just trying to do presentation because the dishes we have suck.
Gordon: "Suck"? I can't believe you'd be so fucking polite.

Sebastian's [1.06][edit]

Sebastian: Sonja... I want you to plate it to him, and I want you to say: "As Sebastian's mother would say; mangia (eat)".
Sonja: Mangia?
Sebastian: Yeah.
Sonja: [as she's placing the dish on Gordon's table]: ...and as Sebastian's mother would say, mangia!
Gordon: My God... it's very difficult to mangia without a knife and fork.
Sonja: Yes, of course, I'm sorry! I've brought you a clean one.
Gordon: You've got the part, relax.
Sonja: Okay.
Gordon: It looks like a can of dog food. What an embarrassment to New York Strip steak. Just chopped and cooked to hell; everything's underseasoned... enough canned pet food for today!

Sebastian: Okay, my pizzas will soon be in supermarkets.
Gordon: What?!
Sebastian: I would love to franchise this, and have a "Sebastian's" all over the world.
Gordon: Oh my god...
Sebastian: Just think how that sounds. "Sebastian's" all over the world. That makes me excited.
Gordon: You haven't got fucking one right so far! How the fuck can you think about two? I need some fresh air, the guy's gone!
(Sebastian laughs. Cut to Gordon standing in the street outside the restaurant]
Gordon: This guy is seriously off his fucking trolley!
Sebastian: (to the kitchen staff) I just won that one. I won that one.
Gordon: What on earth is going on in his fucked-up, delusional mind?
Sebastian: Whoo! I won that one!
Joy: What happened?
Sebastian: He was giving me shit. I gave it back to him, and he was like, "Uh, yeah whatever," and-
Gordon: (walks back into the restaurant) Sebastian! I just want a little word.
[Gordon goes into Sebastian's office, and Sebastian follows him]
Gordon: Listen, big boy. Right now, you've won jack fucking shit! You've got the audacity to stand there, talking to me about a franchise, when we can't even get a pizza right?
Sebastian: (interview) It took everything in me not to just, freak out. (to Gordon) I've been here two years. It may not seem like-
Gordon: What have you got to show?
Sebastian: What have I got to show? I'll tell you what I've got to show. Pride! Pride!
Gordon: You're delusional! You are so-
Sebastian: That's your opinion, sir. A lot of people feel that way about you!
Gordon: (points at the dining room) What's successful about out there?
Sebastian: I'm still here.
Gordon: That's what makes it successful? You've just answered my question. I'll see you later.

Gordon: Let's just have a little taste together.
[Gordon and Sebastian taste some mashed potatoes. After a few seconds, Gordon spits his out]
Gordon: What does that taste like, for you?
Sebastian: It's not great. It's a little dry.
Gordon: It's cut the fucking end off, squeeze it into a container, and send it.
Sebastian: A lot of stuff isn't home-made.
Gordon: 95% of the stuff is bought-in.
Sebastian: Uh, okay, I was going to go with 80%.
Gordon: This shit is the most disgusting fucking bought-in crap I've ever tasted in my entire life.
Sebastian: It's almost more important for me to let this go out at half its quality, and go out and make sure the guests are happy, and meet the guests, and talk to them.
Gordon: You're happy to be a fake chef, aren't you?
Sebastian: No. I don't believe I'm a fake chef. It's a franchisable concept-
Gordon: Why are you so fucking obsessed with becoming famous with a franchise? Why can't you just have one restaurant, cook your arse off, and get customers in here for the love of what you're doing?
Sebastian: I was hoping that this would be my launching pad for my name.
Gordon: How?! [points to the pre-made ingredients] That's not cooking. If you're convinced in your mind that this is going to work, you're beyond reach, you know that?

Gordon: (on the over-elaborate menu) You can't push an inherently-faulty concept. That's like shining a turd...absolutely futile.

Gordon: When I first arrived here, we got off to a shaky start. Then we kept our heads down and we got through it together.
Sebastian: Yeah.
Gordon: And we made some really exciting changes. The menu's changed, the staff have changed.
Sebastian: Yes.
Gordon: Mate, there's one thing that hasn't changed in this establishment, and that's you Sebastian. I'm 40 years old, and I have gone a lot of restaurants, but I've never... ever... ever... ever met someone I believe in as little as you. I think you will go back to your sloppy, shortcut, 5-out-of-10 frozen ways. Good luck. (Sebastian walks back inside) Unbelievable.
Sebastian: Un-fucking-believable.
Gordon: Fucking useless.
Sebastian: You fucking kidding me? Fucking kidding me right now?! (pacing back and forth) This is MY FUCKING LIFE!!
Gordon: Oh my God...
Andre: (interview) Honestly, I haven't seen Sebastian this emotional.
Lou-Bertha: (interview) Sebastian just got real loud. He just changed like Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.
Sebastian: (walks toward the back door) ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!?
Gordon: That's pissed on his bonfire.
Sebastian: (leaving the restaurant) Fucking arrogant! Fuck that motherfucker! (to the production team) We're done! Get the fucking team out of here! (approaches back entrance) Chef Gordon! (breaks the door open) Chef Gordon! Where the fuck are you? Where are you?
Gordon: I'm here.
Sebastian: You come into my restaurant?
Gordon: Yes.
Sebastian: I'm just so fucking disappointed.
Gordon: Wait. Don't shout here. You're going to calm down?
Sebastian: Stop pointing your finger at me.
Gordon: Are you going to calm down?
Sebastian: Are we going to speak like men? You're going to speak to me like a man?
Gordon: You didn't listen to what I've told you.
Sebastian: You didn't listen to what I'm saying.
Gordon: Did you hear what I've just told you?
Sebastian: I'm stepping away from you because I don't want to be too close.
Gordon: You ungrateful...
Sebastian: You have no idea!
Gordon: Nasty, vindictive...
Sebastian: You have no fucking idea!
Gordon: Joker!
Sebastian: Well, fuck you! (walks away)
Gordon: This is it? (follows Sebastian)
Sebastian: Yeah, it is it! You're very disappointing!
Gordon: That was your second fucking shit performance tonight!
Sebastian: Are you fucking kidding me?! Your whole act is a fucking joke!
Gordon: Anything else?
Sebastian: Your whole act is a fucking joke! You're a phony!
Gordon: You shouldn't run like that.
Sebastian: Run like what?!
Gordon: Am I supposed to be scared now, Sebastian?
Sebastian: (makes a "wanker" gesture) Come on, give me a break. I'm busting my ass in there. You tell me...
Gordon: You what?!
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you...
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you something...
Sebastian: You're telling me nothing! I'm done!
Gordon: There you go.
Sebastian: Yes. LOSER! (walks away) And I'm telling you one last time. YOU'RE A FUCKING DICKHEAD!

Finn McCool's [1.07][edit]

Narrator: After feeling the heat of the firemen, Brian and sous chef Francis get back to work under the watchful eye of Gordon who can't believe what he sees.
[Francis drops a chicken wing on the floor while tossing it in the sauce and he picks up and throws it in the fryer]
Gordon: Francis, Francis, Francis, Francis. Fuck me, he's deaf as a fucking bat. Francis, you took it off the floor and put it in the fryer and then back in the sauce.
Francis: Yeah, well the fryer is going going to...take anything that comes off the floor and clean it.
Gordon: But it fell on the floor.
Francis: Correct.
Gordon: Put it back in the fryer.
Francis: Right into the fryer.
Gordon: And it cleans it.
Francis: It cleans it. It sterilizes it.
Gordon: Sterilises it?
Francis: Yeah, well...
Gordon: Fuck me! "Sterilised it"?
[the wings are now being eaten at a table]
Buddy: What happened with that order?
Francis: I dropped a wing on the floor, picked it up and stuck it back in the fryer again.
[Buddy's eyes open wide in horror]
Brian: (interview) We tried to keep everything consistent but some things get messed up every now and then.
Buddy: What the fuck were you thinking?!
Gordon: (outside) Oh my god. I've never, ever, ever seen anything quite extraordinary as that. Serves food off the floor and serves it to the customer? Oh, my god, no!

Melissa: (watching Brian, in the kitchen, down a glass of beer) I want to see you and Ramsay chug.
Brian: I'll smoke him, and tuck him into bed. Goodnight, chef. (laughs) (interview) I'm a very confident person. I've been in the kitchen a long time. I'm almost positive we'll get a good review.
Gordon: (waiting for his spring rolls) When you get a family business right, it goes on for generations; and here, it doesn't feel like a family-run business at all. Pubs are full of atmosphere, fun. It's got tweed-neck curtains, like you're going to visit your granny. Weird.
Melissa: (arriving with spring rolls) Here you are; spring rolls with Coleman's mustard.
Gordon: Wow. God. Very strange, bizarre-looking spring roll. (eats it) Damn. (to Melissa) Are they popular on the menu?
Melissa: (hesitantly) People... really like them.
Gordon: No doubt half the customers are drunk.
Buddy: This is a tough half-hour of my life.
Melissa: (to Brian) Not a big hit.
Brian: He didn't like it?
Melissa: Nope. (interview) Brian's in the kitchen, wondering, and I'm like, "Nope."
Brian: Are you kidding me?
Melissa: He really expected me to be like, "He loved it!" You know, "He wants you to come work for him!"
Brian: Come on! (drizzles balsamic on Gordon's salmon) Maybe try that one.
Melissa: (serving the salmon to Gordon) Let me get you some clean silverware...
Gordon: Thank you. (noticing the balsamic) God. What's this stuff, please, Melissa?
Melissa: On top is a balsamic reduction. He (Brian) likes to use that a lot. On everything, he puts a little drizzle on.
Gordon: A little? Thank you.
Melissa: You're welcome. (leaves)
Gordon: Always a sign of an insecure chef, when he macerates everything in balsamic vinegar. Look at this. (tastes it) Horrible. Doesn't taste of salmon at all.
Melissa: (returning) All through?
Gordon: Does my shepherd's pie have any balsamic vinegar?
Melissa: No.
Gordon: (sarcastically) Good. Lovely.
Buddy: I don't even think he likes the water.
Melissa: (to Brian) He asked me, "Will my shepherd's pie have any balsamic vinegar?" and I told him, "No, I assure you it will not."
Brian: Do I? Do I dare? (interview) I don't want to come off as conceited or cocky, but I know I'm very good at what I do. I know the back of the house well. I've done everything that's out there.
[We see a tray of shepherd's pie filling, topped with a pool of fat.]
Brian: Let's try that one.
Melissa: (serves the pie) Enjoy.
Gordon: Thank you.
Melissa: You're welcome. (leaves)
Gordon: (digging into the shepherd's pie with his fork) It's just a big ball of grease. (eats it and grimaces) Just very, very greasy. (coughs and gags) Oh, God! That's disgusting.
[Gordon gets up and leaves the table]
Gordon: (to Buddy) The toilet?
Buddy: Second door on the left.
[Gordon walks toward the bathroom. A moment later, he is heard vomiting.]
Buddy: Oh, no...

Lela's [1.08][edit]

[Gordon brings Buzzard (Daniel) back to Lela's after Buzzard stole leftover wine and food.]
Gordon: [shows Lela the stolen food] This is Buzzard's little picnic. Nice little sandwich there, ham, cheese, mustard. Oh, nice big salad. And main course, we're going to tackle some New Zealand lamb.
Buzzard: I know where that came from.
Gordon: Stop laughing. Here we are with a restaurant that's financially fucking screwed and you're just helping yourself to wine and a four course dinner.
Lex: (interview) He takes little things every now and then, but I haven't seen him do something like that in a while.
Buzzard: Now, listen. I'm not going to stand there and argue with you. You can have that! Okay? (Walks out)
Gordon: This lady owns it. Buzzard? Unbelievable.
Lela: (interview) We were thinking that he was doing that but I hadn't caught him in the act and today, well there it is.

[Buzzard comes to work next morning]
Lela: (interview) I hate to have to fire anybody, but then you get to the point where if I can't get them to change what they're doing or whatever, then I have to get rid of him.
Gordon: Can I see your eyes? Take your glasses off. (Buzzard takes off his shades) Buzzard, anything that belongs inside this restaurant belongs to Lela. Yeah? End of story. Nothing gets taken off this premise.
Tabitha: (interview) If it was up to me, I'd fire Buzzard's ass.
Gordon: I get lots of people stealing from me and I just have one discipline, anyone who steals from me is out. End of story. Because, the message you send, they all see you do it, they all do it. Anyway, Lela, you're the one who's got to make the decision, it's your restaurant.
Lela: Yeah, so you know, I'm sorry but this is going to be it. All right? This is it.
Tabitha: (interview) Buzzard ain't going to be back here. He ain't going to be buzzing around here and he's truly a buzzard.

Campania's [1.09][edit]

Joe: If people start bitchin', the meatballs are gonna come out of the kitchen.

[One customer was unhappy with the food and would not be mollified. Shockingly, a less-than-sober but satisfied customer comes to the defense of Campania.]
Drunk Customer: If it was that bad, then why'd you keep eating? Why did you keep eating if it was that bad?
Angry Customer: What's her problem?
Drunk: 'Cause youse a fucking liar! You just want everything for free, you greedy fucking bitch!
Angry: Oh my God in heaven! You people are mental!
Drunk: Go have another bottle of wine, you fucking alcoholic bitch. Have another bottle of wine, you fucking lowlife!
Angry: Who is that person?!

The Secret Garden [1.10][edit]

[Day two, 8:45 a.m. - kitchen inspection]
Gordon: Jesus.
[Finds a chocolate terrine/marquis]
Gordon: Ohh, fuck.
[Finds a rotten banana]
Gordon: My goodness me.
[Sees mold]
Gordon: Mould everywhere.
[Finds some broccoli]
Gordon: The food's been in this fridge for so long, even the fridge is starting to get mouldy.
[Finds some more mold]
Gordon: Look, just here. It's like mould caked on. This place hasn't been cleaned for years. Look, it's real mould.
[Finds a bottle that has become moldy]
Gordon: It's been in that long, even the bottle's mouldy. This place is a health hazard. Mould is festering, so, potentially dangerous in terms of poisoning someone. This place can't stay open. The place is disgusting.
[Finds some potatoes that have been infested with maggots]
Gordon: Maggots. Infested with maggots. Oh, God!
[Gordon rushes to a nearby restroom to vomit]

Devon: (interview) It was good for him (Michel) to be humbled. Michel was of an opinion that "Hey, if I want to serve dog shit on a plate and the customer doesn't like it, too bad."

Gordon: God, this guy (Michel) is fucking unbelievable. You know, that's one thing being that bad, that's solvable, but being in complete denial throughout is extraordinary. I've never met such a fucking hard-arse stubborn bullshitter in all my life.

[Day three, 8:27 a.m. - closed for business]
Narrator: Day three. Gordon is determined to get through to this stubborn chef with help from a little shock therapy.
[Signs read "Closed for business", "Foreclosed by bank", "Closed", and "Do not enter".]
Gordon: Okay, a new day, and I'm determined that this guy is going to finally start listening to what I'm trying to say. So this morning, I've shut the place down, I've bought it up and I'll make him understand that if doesn't start changing and listening to what I'm trying to say, that's the end result.
[Referring to the "Closed for business" sign.]
Gordon: And that's the end result that no restaurant wants to see.

Gordon: [taking off his jacket] Fucking hell.
Narrator: With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Michel is insisting on reverting back to his old ways, and Gordon has reached his breaking point.
Michel: Thank you very much, I think it's great--
Gordon: Cut the bullshit. You don't care anymore, do you? Just get straight to the fucking answer.
Michel: No, I'm not cutting no bullshit. I'm just telling it like it is.
Gordon: Get straight to the fucking answer.
Michel: Okay? Alright?
Gordon: Okay.
Michel: Alright, good. Your menu is not better than mine. You know?
Gordon: You're a donkey!
Michel: My food has been voted Best Chef in Ventura County.
Gordon: WHAT?!
Michel: Yeah, listen--
Gordon: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on! Let me finish!! Let me finish!! You put your fucking hands up here, listen to me. You run a shit-hole of a kitchen! Fuck yourself!! Okay?!
Michel: No! No! No!
Michel: Yeah, you know what...
Gordon: You lazy pig! You're so full of shit! Open your eyes and have a look around!
Michel: Big words, big mouth! Big mouth! You're not happy?
Gordon: I'm FUCKING happy!
Michel: You can get out! You can get out!
Gordon: Go on! [gives Michel the inverted V sign] Fuck yourself!
Michel: You can get out! It's my fucking kitchen!
Gordon: Yeah, is it? Well, if it's YOUR FUCKING KITCHEN, THEN CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY CUNT!!!
Michel: (flabbergasted) No!

Gordon: [walking out of the building after arguing with Michel] I've got to get some air before I do something I really regret.

Season 2[edit]

Kitchen Nightmares Revisited: Gordon Returns [2.01][edit]

[Revisiting Finn McCool's]
Gordon: How have you been?
Buddy: Eh, I had a little glitch there for a little bit.
Gordon: What happened?
Buddy: I had a heart attack.
Gordon: What?!
Brian: (interview) My father's heart attack was a very traumatizing experience in a lot of different ways.
Jason: (interview) And it was bad. The doctor told him he could have died.
Melissa: (interview) That was a very scary time, realizing how close we were to losing him. It was beyond scary.
Buddy: I was down for a few weeks, actually. And I was shocked-- the three of them stepped up, took the bull by the horns, and when I came back everything was perfect.
Melissa: (interview) I don't think last year we could've done it. If this would've happened before Ramsay came, I think Finn McCool's would've been doors locked, done.
Gordon: Bloody good to see you.
Buddy: Yeah?
Gordon: Yeah. Honestly. [shakes Buddy's hand. Buddy has quite a grip] There it is-- I swear to God. Honestly, I feel like you crushed my fingers. It'll take three days for the blood to go back.

Handlebar [2.02][edit]

Mary Jane: Seafood crêpes...
Gordon: Wow.
Mary Jane: There's crab in there, there's lobster and some shrimp in there also.
Gordon: Thank you.
Mary Jane: No problem.
Gordon: [Cutting through his crêpes] Ai-ai-ai.
Billy: Chef Ramsay seems to have a habit to take his food apart, before he eats it. So, I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
Carolyn: Uh oh, here we go.
Mary Jane: How was everything?
Gordon: Rubbery. Um, the scallops are... firm.
Carolyn: Uh oh.
Gordon: The prawns are way overcooked.
Carolyn: Oh, God.
Gordon: And the crab meat, it's plastic.
Mary Jane: It's imitation crab meat.
Gordon: Yeah... if you told me it's imitation crab meat, I wouldn't order it.
Carolyn: Oh God, help me.
Mary Jane: Well, that was a disaster.
Gordon: Seafood crêpe? Yeah... that's seafood crap.

Gordon: When was the last time this fridge was cleaned?
Melissa: A week ago.
Gordon: Oh, come on, this hasn't been cleaned in years.
Billy: No, it has.
Gordon: No, it hasn't, I'm sorry. Twenty-one years in the business, I'll bet every fucking dollar that I have, this fucking place hasn't been cleaned in years.

Gordon: Un-fucking-believeable. So that just proves and confirms how weak this guy is. He's not running this place, this place is running him, and is in need of a fucking serious clean. That is appalling.

Gordon: I’m fucking pissed off and I’m upset at the kind of shit that I just discovered in there.
Billy: Time to drag me through the mud some more. It is what it is.
Gordon: You don’t seem one fucking ounce bothered about it, Billy. You can’t just stick your head back in the sand and ignore it, Billy!
Billy: Sure, you can. What do you want me to do? Flip out, yell, and scream like you do? That’s not my way.
Gordon: The responsibility is yours, Billy.
Billy: I guess if you want something done right, I guess you have to do it yourself.
Gordon: But why—
Billy: Maybe I just get rid of everybody in the restaurant and I’ll do it all myself!
Gordon: (sarcastically) Great idea!
Billy: You know, when it doesn’t work out and then when I drop dead because I fucking sleep two hours a day, then maybe it’ll get done or maybe... who cares? Once you’re dead, it doesn’t make a difference anyway.
Gordon: Oh, come on! Now I feel you’re copping out on me now.
Billy: Because now I’m just getting dragged through the mud and...
Gordon: You’re a weak man, Billy.
Billy: I really just had enough. (interview) I was not going to be ridiculed just for the sake of needing his help. (normal) Finished.
Gordon: Can you at least talk to me?
Billy: Nope.
[inside, Billy is sitting at the bar and drinking]
Gordon: Billy, can you talk to me please?
Billy: Nope. I’ve nothing to say.
Gordon: Billy?
Billy: I wouldn’t talk to my dog the way you talked to me. Go fuck yourself. (walks away from the bar) That’s right. (interview) The hell with everything. I’ll make it work myself without his help. Everything in my life that I’ve ever set out to do, I did on my own. (normal) I’m finished with this crap. (takes off lapel mic and receiver and throws them on the bar table before walking out of Handlebar) I’m done.
Gordon: What a weak man. (walks outside to look for Billy) BILLY!

Giuseppi's [2.03][edit]

Gordon: Why are we serving potato skins? Do you want to come to an "authentic Italian restaurant" with potato skins?
Sam: Definitely not.
Joe: A lot of people come here with their kids, and their kids don't want--
Gordon: Hey, I've lived in Italy. I've seen Italian families, the way they eat together. They don't serve fucking children in Italy potato skins with plastic cheese, I can assure you.

Trobiano's [2.04][edit]

Gordon: The décor matches the clientèle. Drab, fuddy-duddy, and seriously old-fashioned. I feel like I've come to see my granny in a retirement home.

Pat: The Trobiano's salad is excellent. It's chopped.
Gordon: Why would you chop it?
Pat: People seem to love it.
Gordon: Is that because of their teeth?

Black Pearl [2.05][edit]

Gordon: A restaurant run by three passionate owners? No chance. Brian, he works two days a week. David, well I don't trust him one little inch. And as for Greg, well he's pissed off at both of them. Basically in a nutshell, Sleepy, Dopey, and Grumpy. Who am I? Snow fucking White?

Gordon: You tell me about the passion with the Maine lobsters. Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: Same waters, North Atlantic waters.
Gordon: You're telling me now...a Canadian lobster, half the price of a Maine lobster, is the same taste and flavour? There's a big difference. I can't get Maine lobsters.
David: That's right, so they get them from Canada.
Gordon: I'm using Canadian lobsters.
David: That's right. That's what they do.
Gordon: But I don't advertise them as "Maine."
David: You tell me, is it a different animal?
Gordon: "Maine" is a "Canadian" lobster for you?
David: Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: Holy shit...
David: I'm asking you a question.
Gordon: What you're trying to dictate to me is that you're selling "Maine" lobster - they're not from Maine.
David: Well, it comes from the same vendor.
Gordon: [at a loss] Holy shit! The award-winning Maine lobster Canadian!

Gordon: [to David] You're so full of fucking shit that you'd make a great politician.

Gordon: You amaze me.
David: What?
Gordon: Because all week long, face-to-face, you fucking pretend to care.
David: Oh, fuck, Gordon. Come on.
Gordon: You don't give two fucks about this place.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're not passionate about running a restaurant.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're just abusing it and using it.
David: How did I- what, what, what did I do?
Gordon: I've never met an individual that's so full of shit in all my life.
David: How have I been lying to you, Gordy? How? Tell me.
Gordon: Gordy?
David: Yeah, how? You want to disrespect me, I can disrespect you too. But tell me how I'm lying to you.
Gordon: I'm not disrespecting you. I'm telling you the truth.
David: No, you're disrespecting me because you don't know the truth.
Gordon: You're just massaging your fucking ego.
David: Gordon, bullshit.
Gordon: What do you mean, bullshit?
David: Not true.
Gordon: From the first minute you walked in this fucking door, standing there with your big long coat and your fucking sunglasses looking like proud cock, that was it. First impressions. Then you start debating lobsters because you think you're some smart-arse on the back of few fucking shit dive books. [flashback] Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: [flashback] Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: "Humanus americanus", my arse-us.
David: Hmm.
Gordon: With 21 restaurants under my belt, I work my fucking arse off.
David: So what? So what?
Gordon: And I never take anything for granted.
David: [sarcastically] Fascinating, Gordon.
Gordon: You treat the staff like shit. You amaze me.
David: Never. Never did that.
Gordon: Excuse me?
David: Never. [flashback] Cat, it's policy here for you not to have a drink here after your shift, but you often do. [normal] Never.
Gordon: You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone me. Mate, you've been exposed.
David: Exposed?
Gordon: You're a hypocrite.
David: Is that right?
Gordon: Absolutely. For you, it's about a fucking TV show. This man [points to Greg], it's about a restaurant. Fuck the TV, David. And, I mean fuck it. This is real for me. And for you, it's an image.
David: I disagree with you on almost everything you said.
Gordon: You do?
David: Yeah, I do.
Gordon: Why do you disagree?
David: Because you're wrong. The great Gordon Ramsay is wrong.
Gordon: You're a sad fuck. My advice would be for him [points to Greg] to get his partners, get your money out—yeah?—and disappear.
David: Yeah, alright. My advice would be for you to disappear, and the sooner the better.
Gordon: You don’t get it, do you?
David: Fuck you, Gordon; of course I get it.
Gordon: This restaurant has every chance of succeeding... but not while you are in it, because you’re not passionate. You’re soulless.
David: Say what you like. Let me get out of here.
Gordon: You’re ungrateful.

J Willy's [2.06][edit]

[Gordon is served a loaded baked potato pizza]

Gordon: Holy mackerel. That's the strangest pizza I've ever seen. [looks at a table of four priests dining nearby] I'm gonna ask my beloved father to bless my food [gets up to the priests' table]. Gentlemen can I ask a quick favour?
Priest: Yes. What's that?
Gordon: Would you mind just blessing my food?
Priest: Oh, sure.
[cut to Rick hanging and shaking his head in shame; a priest is now standing at Gordon's table]
Gordon: Would you be so kind?
Priest: Absolutely. Oh good and gracious God we ask you to bless this food. Bless chef Gordon as he is about to receive it and that it may nourish him. We ask Jesus Christ, our lord. Amen.
Gordon: Thank you, fingers crossed.

[Gordon has sent back the ribs for being untrimmed and doused in a poor sauce]

Rick: [to J Willy] Dude, we're serving him an untrimmed rib, man.
J Willy: What do you want trimmed off it?
Rick: The faaat. [voice cracks]
J Willy: All ribs have fat on them.
Rick: (interview) John doesn't get it. He's ordering an inferior rib. He's trying to cut corners. I'm just so frustrated that I feel like banging my head against the wall.

[Gordon is served the pulled pork sandwich]

Gordon: [removes the layer of melted cheese] Processed cheese that's just like glue [tastes]. Pulled pork sandwich? Yeah, that's... pulled straight out of the bin. Sweet, tastes of nothing, and... absolutely ghastly.
[Gordon watches as a waitress serves a pulled pork sandwich to the priests]
Gordon: Oh dear, they have the pulled pork sandwich. [gets up to the priests' table] Oh, um. Sorry, excuse me. [takes the sandwich from the priests] Forgive me father, for they have sinned and [priests laugh] I, out of respect for you guys, you're not going to eat that okay?
Priest: Okay.
Gordon: I will go straight to hell.
[cut to Rick and John "J Willy" Ittenbach watching]
Rick: [shakes his head] Oh man.
Gordon: [walking towards the kitchen] Forgive me; they have sinned.
Narrator: After saving the priests from an ungodly meal...
Gordon: [walking around the kitchen] Dear, oh dear.
Narrator: Gordon's anxious to meet the creative minds responsible for the food.
Gordon: [handshakes a chef] Jeff, Gordon. Are you the chef?
J Willy: We don't really have a chef.
Gordon: How come we don't have a chef?
J Willy: The recipes don't really change. Everything's prepared the same way.
Gordon: You seem to stand proud of that.
J Willy: The menu is designed to cut a lot of the labour out.
Gordon: Cut a lot of labour out... and serve shit?
Rick: (interview) I'm finally glad that I have somebody who agrees with me as far as the standards on the menu. John doesn't listen to me. Hopefully he'll listen to Gordon

J Willy: (interview) When Chef Gordon pulled those potato skins out, I knew he had found something that I wasn't going to like.

Gordon: We sat here wondering why this business is on its arse. It starts with the top job, it's called responsibility. (to J Willy) No wonder you've given up.
J Willy: (interview) I've been in denial, I've lowered my standards, and it takes somebody like a Gordon Ramsay to come in and wake you up.

Rick: (interview) I wanted to crawl under the table and hide my face so that people wouldn't associate me with such "crap".

Hannah & Mason's [2.07][edit]

Gordon: What a beautiful, quaint little town. I can't think of a better way to spend Valentine's Day than at Hannah &... (sees that the sign is missing the N from "Mason's") Maso's? I guess they couldn't afford the "N." That's not a good start.

Gordon: Well, thestaffreallylovetheonionsoup, that's for sure.
Marie: We're gonna start with onion soup.
Chris: Okay. (Interview) Some people might say, "Oh, French onion soup is French onion soup is French onion soup". But I think ours have a distinct, you know, presentation.
Gordon: (After being served the soup) Wow. Let's start off with 0 out of 10 for presentation.

[Gordon goes down to the walk in fridge]
Gordon: I cannot believe that this is how you guys are running a restaurant!
Chris: (interview) Through my head, I was thinking "We're going to be screwed!"
Gordon: That's what in there?
Chris: That's the walk-in freezer.
Gordon: That's the walk-in freezer? Look at the mess in here! What's this here?
Brian: Bacon.
Gordon: Bacon. Yeah, obviously bacon, smart-arse! That's from lunch? Yeah, five years ago! You leave a spatula in there like that? I'm sorry. No. Fuck off. I cannot believe what you guys are doing here.
Chris: There was so much going on. My head was spinning. My head was about to explode. I thought to myself, this is a disaster.
Gordon: What's that in there?
Brian: Shit that didn't get put away?
Gordon: (finds cooked chicken sitting next to raw chicken.) Oh, my god.
Chris: I don't know what the fuck...
Gordon: Oh, fuck off! Oh, my god! Oh, no!
Chris: This is not good.
Brian: That should never happen, you know?
Chris: It's fucking...
Gordon: (to Brian) HEY, PANINI-HEAD! LISTEN TO ME!
Brian: Yes?
Gordon: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE! I'VE EATEN HERE!! Partners? Partners in crime! You should be ashamed.
Brian: We are ashamed.
Gordon: You've just contaminated the town! (Leaves the walk-in) Hey, Nick. Nick! Stop! Right now, this is not a romantic eat-out. This is a Valentine fucking massacre! IT'S A DISGRACE! How can you do this!? I'm closing this place down. SWITCH IT OFF!!

[after Gordon shuts the kitchen down]
Gordon: What I've just discovered is totally unacceptable. Enough is enough. Chris?
Chris: Yes, sir?
Gordon: You are passionate about food. You feel deeply about it. I want to hear it.
Chris: I'm ready. I'm ready to tear it down and start over.
Gordon: You've got a big pair of bollocks facing those customers tonight. What can be said about the "partner" you are in business with? (to Brian) Where were you? How many tables did you talk to? How many customers did you apologise to?
Brian: None.
Gordon: How much support did you give the waiters, the manager?
Brian: None.
Gordon: Right. You were doing jack-shit tonight. You make me sick.

Narrator: Inspired by the fresh locally-grown apples, Chef Ramsay heads back to the restaurant to work on a special he has in mind for tonight's dinner service.
Gordon: Right. What are they called.
Brian: (unenthusiastically) Apples?
Gordon: Apples, fucking smart-arse.

Jack's Waterfront [2.08][edit]

[Gordon has just ordered a "krab" omelet...]
Gordon: Wow, look at the size of that. That's a lot of "krab." And you haven't told me about the "K" yet.
Erica: Oh, he said he wanted everybody to know that it wasn't real crab, it's artificial crab. So he spelled it with a "K" so there was no misconception.
Gordon: So it's fake crab meat?
Erica: Uh-huh.
Gordon: In a seafood restaurant, on the water?

[After taking a bite of some rubbery fish and chips]
Gordon: When you take a bite of that cod, it's almost like you've got a breaded condom in your mouth.

[During a kitchen inspection]
Gordon: This is salmon that is marinated in... that looks like... [he smells it] an Italian dressing. Oh dear. [finds tuna that has been dyed pink] What's this? Seafood restaurant on the water. Tuna that's dyed pink to make it look authentic. Look at it, my God. Unbelieveable. And here we have... [he finds a risotto] That looks like a mushroom risotto, grey risotto. Unbelieveable.

[Gordon shows the chefs some beef bits.]
Gordon: What is that there
AJ: I believe it's beef bits.
Gordon: Beef bits in blood.
Scott: Nasty.

Sabatiello's [2.09][edit]

[Sampling the Italian wedding soup]
Sammy: That's to get them in the mood to get married.
Gordon: Jesus. I’d rather get fucking divorced.

[Dover sole stuffed with imitation crab meat is being sent back to the kitchen]
Sammy: What's the matter with this?
Marco: She said it's not fresh, she said it's no good.
Gordon: It's fucking watery.
Sammy: Let me have a taste. How bad is it? [tastes it] It's not bad though! It's not bad! It's not bad! [Gordon tastes it and spits it out.] Ohhhh, no! Come on! He spits it out. It's not bad.
Gordon: You're fucking delusional. It's mushy. It's watery. It's fake.
Sammy: It's not the right crab meat. You're right.
Gordon: And it's fucking disgusting. You're jumping up and down like a big fucking baboon and "Ho, ho! It's good! Whoo!"

Gordon: Watching this restaurant perform is embarrassing. Fake fucking crab meat inside of sole? It's pretty obvious, it's become the appendix of restaurants in Stamford. You just want to get rid of it and get it out. [walks back inside the restaurant] Bollocks.

Narrator: With food now coming back, it's a perfect opportunity for Gordon to witness Sammy's customer service skills.
Sammy: How did you want your meat cooked? Did you want it rare?
Lady: I wanted it medium rare.
Sammy: So can we make you another one? Will you wait or you don't want it all?
Lady: I'll wait, but the thing is I don't want you to stick it back in a microwave.
Sammy: No, we're going to throw that out and make you a new one. Nobody's talking about microwave. You're the one who's talking about microwave.
Lady: It came out of a microwave, otherwise it wouldn't be exuding heat.
Sammy: Do you work for a microwave company? You know so much about microwave. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Get the fuck out of here. Tell her to take a hike.
Customers: That is rude. Wow. To speak to a customer like that, that's disgusting.

[Later when the lamb is recooked and brought back to the lady, the restaurant breaks out in applause]

Sammy: No wait, we're not done yet. I want to see you cut into it. How is it? Is it still too rare?
Lady: You know what? I'm done. No more chances.
Sammy: Unbelievable. (interview) Oh my god. I just wanted to pick her up and throw her out. There's a right way and a wrong way of handling something like that and she was totally wrong.

Fiesta Sunrise [2.10][edit]

Gordon: When were these done?
Vic: Yesterday?
Gordon: Yesterday? Fuck off, Vic, please. They weren't done yesterday. Okay. You can ask him in his own language; ask him very, very quickly: "When were these cooked?"
Vic: (to a cook) ¿Cuándo cocinaron de eso? (When did you cook that?)
Cook: En viernes. (On Friday.)
Vic: (to a cook) So this was from last week.
Gordon: Of course, they're from last week!

[Gordon finds some fresh chives in the fridge.]
Gordon: What are these? (to Vic) Vic?
Vic: Yes, chef?
Gordon: These are fresh chives. Sell-by date, five months old.
Vic: Where'd you find that?
Gordon: I found it in the fucking fridge. Smell it.
[Vic smells the chives.]
Gordon: Vic, look, let me just show you something.
[Gordon shows Vic some fish.]
Gordon: What is that? Stop getting nervous now. Talk to me. What is this?
Vic: That's the fish we're using.
Gordon: That's the fish you're using? Oh, fuck me.

Gordon: How old is this stuff?
Vic: Yesterday.
Gordon: Yesterday?!
Patti: He said, Friday.
Gordon: [finds slimy chicken] Look at that! Oh, my god. (cough) When's all this from?
Patti: Friday. He took it out Friday.
Gordon: Oh, everything's Friday? Let me just show you something, look how green and slimy that is. That's from Friday? Look at that, that's from Friday? Look at my fingers. Friday? Look, look (pours the juice from the tray). There you go. That's from Friday? How do you say in Spanish, "This is not healthy"?
Patti: No es saludable. (It is not healthy.)
Gordon: Thank you. What is going on in here? A hungry cat would walk away from that.
Patti: (interview) I was mortified. I felt embarrassed for letting this go on for so long.
Narrator: While customers in the dining room continue to eat sub-par food, Chef Ramsay's kitchen investigation intensifies.
Gordon: What is going on here?
[Gordon finds a tray of burritos.]
Gordon: What's that?!!
Vic: The burritos.
[Gordon finds a tray of chicken enchiladas.]
Gordon: What's that one?
Vic: The chicken enchiladas.
Gordon: Ugh! How?!
[Gordon finds a tray of ground beef with dried up fat covering it.]
Gordon: Oh my God! What's that?!
Vic: That was the ground beef.
Gordon: Ground beef?!! Half of it's fucking fat, you idiot! It's fatter than you!
Patti: (interview) I felt satisfied that finally somebody called him out on his bullshit.
[Gordon finds a bucket of beans.]
Gordon: Oh, shit! What's that?
Vic: The beans.
Gordon: Ugh! How? It's like a cement mixer. Are you fucking stupid? Who's controlling this?
Vic: I am, chef.
Gordon: You are? You... are a walking disaster.
Vic: (interview) Now I'm feeling, like, like stupid.
Gordon: Lift it up. The fridge is full... of shit! It -- it's DISGUSTING!! I wasn't here on Saturday, but what were they expecting? Fucking ten thousand customers for lunch? Patti, I'm fucking disgusted. Yolanda, that's a joke.
Yolanda: I understand. (interview) I don't want people to get sick and I don't want them to spread the word that the food is bad here.
Gordon: (to Vic) You're overstaffed. Under-worked. SHIT food! I wouldn't trust you running a bath, let alone a fucking restaurant! You must be out of your tiny mind!
Vic: I care for the restaurant.
[Gordon grabs the huge bucket full of stale re-fried beans]
Gordon: I want to take that out there. I dare you, take it out there. Go on, give it to them! Yeah, there you go.
Vic: Excuse me?
Gordon: Look at me! Why won't you take it out there?
Vic: That's embarrassing.
Gordon: "It's embarrassing"? WHY ARE YOU SERVING IT?! YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE!
Vic: Why?
Gordon: Why?! Because you're serving that and trying to charge people money for that. That's why you don't care.
Vic: I care for—
Gordon: YOU DON'T CARE SHIT! No fucking way!
[Gordon picks up the bucket of beans, carries it through to the dining room, and places it on a table in front of the shocked diners]
Gordon: Fuck! Ladies and gentlemen! I'm so sorry, but we're stopping service. Everything you've had to drink, eat so far is all on the house. Sir, that thing you have in your hand, put it down! Because if you just seen where it came from like I have, you wouldn't be eating it. Very sorry. Close up. (to Vic) No bill anywhere!
Vic: (interview) I was like, "What the hell are you doing?" You can't do that to my customers.
Gordon: By the way, there's your re-fried beans on the way out. Have a look at them.

Narrator: While the family cools off, Chef Ramsay heads to the kitchen to come up with a game plan to fix the restaurant's biggest plan — the food.
[Gordon sees that the kitchen is infested with cockroaches.]
Gordon: Oh my God. What in the fuck is that? That is a fucking joke.
[Gordon calls out Vic, Patti and Yolanda.]
Gordon: I wanted us all to get involved, and doing something together, yeah? I wanted a fun element. You (Patti) make a burrito, you (Yolanda) make a burrito, you (Vic) make a burrito, and the best one goes on the menu tonight. That's what I wanted to do. I couldn't do it, because of these little fuckers here. LOOK AT THEM!
[We see that the kitchen is infested with dozens of cockroaches. The women look disgusted.]
Yolanda: Oh, my god! (interview) I feel sick to my stomach. I want to throw up, because I had coffee here earlier, and I don't know if the roach went through my cup.
Patti: I didn't know about this problem either.
Gordon: Two dishwashers, two prep cooks. Who's cleaning around here? Do they seriously put food on those plates?
Patti: (interview) Vic's here seven days a week. I don't know how he didn't realize the problems in the kitchen.
Gordon: Can't you see these? I'm trying to move forward, I'm trying to get going, but every time I put my foot on the ladder, I get knocked back. Did you know this was like this?
Vic: I noticed, I noticed, but, uh...
Gordon: You knew it?
Vic: Yeah.
Gordon: We're going to have to do something! We cannot open, we need an exterminator. How can I start even attempting to think of a new menu when the place is festering with cockroaches?!
Yolanda: (interview) I didn't expect this. I don't think it could get worse, I don't even know what could make it worse at this point.
Narrator: After Chef Ramsay's dirty discovery, he immediately called in an exterminator.
Yolanda: I had no idea it was that bad.
Gordon: Bloody hell. I'm pulling my hair out now. I'm sorry, but you're running the place.
Vic: Sorry.
Yolanda: Vic, this is stupid.
Gordon: Where do I go, Vic?
Vic: Sorry.
[Gordon goes outside.]
Vic: (interview) I'm embarrassed with Chef Ramsay. I don't think that I uh... we can make it a good restaurant.
Gordon: You can't run a fucking restaurant like that!
Vic: You think I'm mad? I'm fucking embarrassed now.
Gordon: You should be fucking embarrassed. I'm not putting one foot in that place until that place is fucking cleaned, yes?
Vic: You're right.
Gordon: Now you start getting those guys cleaning, yes?
Vic: Definitely.
Gordon: WITH SOME FUCKING PRIDE! Do you understand the word pride?!
Vic: Yes.
Gordon: It's not possible for someone to have his head so far up his arsehole. Fuck me.

Narrator: With customers in the restaurant, Chef Ramsay is anxious to impress them with something that Fiesta Sunrise has never had: fresh food.
[Gordon inspects a newly-cooked batch of rice]
Gordon: Bloody hell! Get me Yolanda, please. Fucking hell...
[Yolanda enters the kitchen, followed by Vic. Gordon shows her a fist-sized ball of rice]
Gordon: Yolanda, you cook at home, don't you? What's wrong with this?
Yolanda: Overcooked.
Gordon: Absolutely right. It's mush. We've got four chefs in the line, not one of them can cook rice?
Yolanda: (interview) The cooks, they don't even know what they're doing. I realize how bad it is today.
Gordon: I think you should start spending some time in here. Can you cook rice?
Yolanda: Yes.
[Yolanda puts on an apron and starts cooking a fresh batch of rice. Gordon throws the old rice in the trash]
Gordon: Like a fucking golf ball!

Gordon: Service, please! Pass it over.
[The cooks hand Gordon two plates of food, both of which are covered in large black chunks]
Gordon: What's those black bits, coming from the...?
Cook: From the top.
Gordon: The top of the broiler? Jesus Christ almighty. When was the last time the broiler was cleaned?
[A server is shown talking to some diners in the dining room]
Server: The chefs, now, they are crazy, you know.
Customer 1: But this place is half-full. What are you going to do when it's crowded, and there's people waiting outside?
[Back in the kitchen, Gordon checks the broiler]
Gordon: This is unbelievable! What the fuck's happening?! When was the broiler cleaned last, gentlemen? If he fucking tells me Friday one more time, I'll boil him!
Yolanda: Every Sunday, they say.
Gordon: Every Sunday? My fucking arse!
[Cut back to the table seen earlier, where only two out of the six guests have any food]
Customer 2: This is out of control. I mean, you've got your food, you've got your food.
Customer 1: Yep.
[In the kitchen, Gordon wipes the soot off his hands]
Gordon: I've got four chefs who can't cook fucking rice, and soot all over the food. What is going on?! Fuck me. You're supposed to put salt on the food, not fucking soot!
[The table seen earlier starts walking out]
Gordon: (to Vic) You can't employ these guys! One can't clean, one can't cook rice.
Yolanda: (interview) I never imagined how bad this restaurant was doing. I don't know what else could happen.
Gordon: (leaves the kitchen) I cannot come to terms with what the fuck is happening!

Sante La Brea [2.11][edit]

Gordon: What is that?
Dean: Un-duck. It's... duck. But it's un-duck. Fake duck.
Gordon: Fake duck? So you call it... what?
Dean: We call it un-duck.
Gordon: Un-duck? Right now I feel like I'm getting completely fucked. Is that popular?
Dean:Yeah, it is, actually. A lot of people ask for that, too.
Gordon: Un-duck... fucked up... [as he reaches in and pulls out more "meat"]
Dean: That's fake fish.
Gordon: Fake fish? [sniffs, laughs and slides a hand under his collar]
Dean: It looks like fish, it tastes like fish, and it's got seaweed on the outside.

[Gordon rolls the cutely molded, fish-shaped, food-like substance over in his hands.]

Dean: [to audience] We have everything that's "un".

[Gordon strides into the walk-in, talking to audience.]

Gordon: This is incredible. So far I've had un-duck, un-fish... un-fucking-believable. What a mess.

Cafe 36 [2.12][edit]

[The food is delivered to the customers on carts, awkwardly]
Gordon: I thought people got pushed into a mortuary on trolleys, no? Not serving food.

[Gordon is inspecting the pantry and has found pans of wrapped up frozen fish floating in water]
Gordon: Pinto? Certified exec! [Pinto walks to the pantry] What's going on here? What's all this stuff floating in water?
Pinto: That's the grouper taken out from the freezer to keep it fresh-frozen.
Gordon: "Fresh-frozen"?
Pinto: Yes, chef.
Gordon: There's no such thing! It's either fresh or it's frozen.
Pinto: [shrugs] I understand.
Gordon: [points to another tray] What's this in water?
Pinto: It's the salmon, chef.
Gordon: Frozen.
Pinto: It was a fresh-frozen. (interview) We keep it frozen, fresh-frozen, it tastes more fresh.
Gordon: It's mad!
Pinto: It is-
Gordon: You're making all this fresh stuff, freezing it, then taking it out two portions at a time per day.
Pinto: Because it doesn't sell enough.
Gordon: What?!
Pinto: If you had to plan a business like this-
Gordon: It's got nothing to do with business. That's lazy! Everything's frozen!
[Cut to sous chef Barney washing dishes and watching the argument]
Gordon: [with a brick of frozen stuffing] Trout stuffing. So we take it out, we slow-thaw it. [Pinto doesn't react] Yeah, it's cold [puts the brick to his cheek], cold, "brrr", cold. Slow-thaw. We stuff the trout, then we re-freeze the trout. [nods angrily]
Pinto: Yes.
Gordon: [throws the brick] I rest my case, certified jerk.
Pinto: (interview) Chef thought that the grouper was a strong smell. [shrugs] That's the chef's ahhhh opinion.

[Cafe 36's biggest problem is the long wait times for your meal.]
Female Customer: I feel like I'm drinking more than I'm eating.
Male Customer: I think they got to catch the shrimp first.
Gordon: Eduardo, no wonder you've grown so old. You've aged waiting for the last main course. [Eduardo and the other servers laugh]

[It's the middle of February 2008 and head chef Pinto is serving asparagus for the 'veggie of the day']
Gordon: What are these up here for? They're not even in season, asparagus, are they?
Pinto: No. Not right now, they're very expensive.
Gordon: They're very expensive, so why have you got them on?
Pinto: They're veggie of the day.
Gordon: Veggie of the day? Aren't you bothered about the cost?
Pinto: It comes from a different part of the world, Chef. We can get it.
Gordon: 'It comes from a different part of the world'? [to Barney] Are you listening to this?! [to Pinto] It's the most expensive vegetable on the market. You want that?! And it's out of season! And you just put them on four dishes!

Season 3[edit]

Hot Potato Cafe [3.01][edit]

Gordon: You just served me three-week-old frozen potato skins that have no potato inside. I feel like I'm a potato organ donor.

Flamango's [3.02][edit]

Gordon: Adele, what do you think?
Adele: (Shaking her head) I don't like it.
Gordon: You don't like it?
Adele: I hate blue.
Gordon: Unbelievable.
Waitress: I'm dumbfounded. I don't think I have ever heard anyone say they hate the color blue!
Adele: I hate it.
Bill: You hate it?
Adele: Hate it. How can you be positive about something you hate? Ugly. I wanna throw up. I hate it! Hate, hate, hate. Oh my God.

[Gordon and the staff are getting rid of Flamangos' tropical decor, much to the dismay of Cheryl]
Gordon: What do you mean, no?
Cheryl: That's Willy, my alligator!
Gordon: Trust me, I need him. In the truck!
Cheryl: (interview) I can't believe Chef Ramsay grabbed my alligator and just threw it in the truck. Just threw it in there...!

Bazzini [3.03][edit]

[Gordon's mushroom risotto is stuck to the plate and won't move around on it]
Gordon: Is that normal? The Amazing Bazzini's Risotto. Woohoo! (twirls the plate around) Wow, that's extraordinary, no? Doesn't even move.

Mojito [3.04][edit]

Lido di Manhattan Beach [3.05][edit]

[on the restaurant's clunky and outdated POS system]
Gordon: POS. Piece of shit. This is the biggest headache inside the restaurant. They press less buttons at NASA, launching astronauts into space!

Le Bistro [3.06][edit]

Andy : If this restaurant closes, the last thing I wanna do is work for some idiot somewhere else. I hate idiots.

Gordon: (about Andy) This is unbelievable, because there’s a lot of similarities between Andy and I. We’re both English and we both studied in Paris, but there’s one thing we don’t share in common: I care about my customers. He clearly doesn’t give a shit. What a shame.

Andy: I’m a loser, everybody. I’m the worst.

Gordon: Talk to me, "chef."
Andy: My name’s Andy.
Gordon: (scoffs, whispers under breath) Cunt.

Casa Roma [3.07][edit]

Gordon: This is incredible. Right through those doors has to be for me one of the worst restaurants I've ever seen in my entire cooking career. The chef doesn't give a fuck, the owner's completely clueless and not any form of communication between the kitchen and the restaurant and the management. It's a fucking shambles.

[8:58 PM, two hours into dinner service]
Gordon: What are we waiting on now, Ashley?
Ashley: I'm still waiting on: chicken pancotta with penne marinara, an individual kids pepperoni pizza, half order spaghetti with meat sauce, eggplant parmesean with angel and meat, chicken pancotta angel with marinara, three chicken parms and a veal Parmesan ...for just one table. (interview) I felt like crying because it was that embarrassing for me.
Gordon: Erick.
Erick: Yes, sir.
Gordon: Yeah, can I have your undivided attention?
Erick: Sure.
Gordon: Nothing's happening. We served one table of four, one table of two. For the last three tickets, half the order's gone out, half is still on the board. You haven't got a clue what's going on. You're (Drew) running around crazy. What chance have we got serving 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, tables? You asked for one more crack at lunch time. "Let me go big boy! Let me go! I want to do it again!" We're spinning around and serving shit! Do me a favour, close the fucking restaurant! I can't stand any longer and watch that embarrassment. [takes all eight tickets from the board]
Nylah: [in the dining room to the customers] As of now, we're not gonna be serving any more dinners tonight.
Gordon: I need the door fucking closed! Forget it!
Ashley: Alright.
Nylah: [to a customer] We're done. Good night.
Gordon: This is a joke guys! You're pissed off, you're frustrated. [Erick walks out] Forget it! Good night!
Ashley: (interview) What restaurant stops their business and tells everybody that they have to leave? There's no excuse.
Gordon: [to Nylah, outside] I don't even know where to start with a chef that can't even cook something basic. Why are you pulling a chef that is that incompetent? Darling, he's not in the slightest bit interested in fucking making it work, doesn't give a fuck about his cooking, doesn't give a fuck about you, and he's here for one thing and one thing only: money. And the only restaurant that fucking guy will ever get a job is in a restaurant that doesn't have any customers. If you've got any chance of surviving here, get rid of him. [Nylah shakes her head] What are you scared of? Talk to me, there's gotta be something.
Nylah: Where am I going to find another chef?
Gordon: Drew. What's wrong with Drew?
Nylah: Drew, I think can carry it on.
Gordon: So get rid of him!
Nylah: Okay. [walks off]
Gordon: Fuck me, un-fucking-believable.
Erick: Babe, I'm sorry.
Nylah: I know, no, no, just wait a minute. Jeremy come here.
Erick: I feel real bad.
Nylah: The whole thing is, this isn't the first time you've let us down. I just can't do it. I know but I just can't do it. Erick, I gotta make-you guys get your paycheck every week. Jeremy and I never take a dime out of here.
Erick: We understand that.
Nylah: I know but I mean, the whole thing is not going to work because you...
Erick: Okay so what do you want to do?
Nylah: I-we're going to part ways.
Erick: Okay that's no problem. Dammit! I fucked on that deal.
Nylah: (interview) He couldn't pull off lunch, couldn't pull off dinner and so we just had to let him go. You know I can't do this.

[8:30 AM, day two - kitchen inspection.]
Gordon: Last twenty four hours was one of the toughest days ever spent in a restaurant. Last night, we did get rid of the chef which was a positive move. Now I need Drew to step up to the mark, Jeremy to support his mother more...I got here early so I can check out the place properly. With no interference.
[Inside the refrigeration unit]
Jesus... Christ almighty, where do we start in a place like this? [looking at a roast beef] Roast beef, dating back when? [looking at meat that has been defrosting] What is that there? Just meat defrosting, again no sign of what it is. [looking at a parma ham that is moldy] Fresh parma ham, it's caked in mould. This is outrageous. [he touches the base of it, and it stuck on his hand] Look at it. It sticks in your fucking hand, it's that rancid. [looking at a rack of ribs, which made him sick] Woh, fucking hell. That's just over three months old. [he smells it] Jesus Christ almighty. Oh God. [he ran to a bin to puke]

Narrator: After witnessing one of the worst kitchen walk-ins he has ever seen, Gordon moves on to an area outside the kitchen that restaurants are judged upon - the bathroom.
Gordon: One of the best ways to check the hygiene of any restaurant is always through these bathrooms. Turn that [a blue UV light] on, and turn the lights off. Right, this can be quite scary. [he checks out one of the walls] Oh my good God. Green and yellow identifies bodily fluids. Any form of bleach or any form of cleaning will be identified through the colour blue, but the body fluids on here is extraordinary. [he checks the ceiling] Look, as high as the ceiling, oh my God. Even the ceiling's caked in it, OH MY GOD! This is shocking. [a sign reads "Wash your heads"] Wash your hands, yeah. Honestly, I've seen enough. Let's get the fuck out of here.

Gordon: (to Nylah) Nylah, the state of that fridge in there confirms whoever's running this place in terms of kitchen management has given up. They don't give a fuck about you, and they don't give a fuck about standards.

Gordon: (to Nylah) Having a dirty refrigeration unit is one thing. Having a filthy bathroom is something that fucking scares the hell out of me.
[They went to the bathroom.]
Gordon: This thing here [the blue UV light] detects body fluids. Just have a look at this.
Nylah: That's body fluids up there?
Gordon: That there has got nothing to do with any form of cleaning. Look at the fucking state of this. Green, green, green, green, green. And here's where it gets really scarry.
[The UV light is shown towards the ceiling.]
Nylah: How the hell did it get up there? (interview) It looked like somebody may have peed on the ceiling, the walls, the doors, you know. It could be a throw-up. I can't even imagine, you know. And it made me sick, I didn't even want to touch the door-knob coming out myself.

Mama Rita's [3.08][edit]

Laura: This is Cheryl, this is my manager.
Gordon: And you manage the kitchen and the front of the house?
Cheryl: Um, front of the house.
Laura: Catering...
Cheryl: ...and I do catering as well.
Gordon: What's wrong with the place?
Cheryl: Lack of customers...
Gordon: So why have we got lacking the customers?
Cheryl: We need more customers, we need to figure out how to get more people in here...
Gordon: [covering his face with his hand in disbelief] Ok. Thank you, and you're the manager?
Cheryl: Yeah...
Gordon: Oh my God...! A manager that didn't even know what's wrong with the restaurant is scary.

Narrator: To make the transition from cooking frozen to fresh, Chef Ramsay has just the challenge in mind to inspire Laura and her chef, Perla.
Gordon: [points to plates of fresh chicken breasts and shrimps] Chicken, shrimp. I've got steak here. 30 minutes. We'll have a cook-off now. Choose between the shrimp and the chicken and cook something really delicious. One minute gone, let's go.
[Laura takes the shrimp and Perla takes the chicken breasts]
Laura: (interview) It felt good working with fresh ingredients. It was fun to just grab something and just throw it all together and come up with something good.
[Laura and Gordon are cooking while Perla is still stunned]
Perla: Let me think, let me think...
Gordon: What's the matter?
Perla: Thinking.
Gordon: You're thinking?
Perla: (interview) I'm really nervous because I no have idea for what I cook.
Gordon: 15 minutes left.
Perla: Ai yai yai!
Laura: Perla, get moving! (interview) I was nervous about what she was making. [to Perla] No pressure, Perla. (interview) The creativity seems not to be present.
Gordon: 5 minutes, get ready to plate yeah?
Laura: Yep.
[The trio begin plating their dishes]
Gordon: Ready? Let's go.
Laura: Alright, let's go.
[The trio bring their dishes out to the dining room in front of the restaurant staff]
Narrator: Chef Ramsay not only wants the staff to taste the difference between frozen and fresh...
Gordon: Not a single item on the plate defrosted anywhere!
Narrator: ...he's also looking for the staff to choose which of the three dishes goes on tonight's menu.
Gordon: Okay, [gestures to Laura] what is it?
Laura: They are blackened shrimp tacos.
Cheryl: That looks good.
Gordon: Darling, [gestures to Perla] what is it?
Perla: Garlic bret.
Gordon: [slightly confused] Garlic bress...? With...?
Perla: Garlic and salt.
Gordon: Garlic and salt put on the chicken breast? [Perla nods]
Laura: (interview) She just said "garlic, salt" and that's it. It wasn't very creative and umm, that scares me.
Gordon: Okay, I've got a Florence steak, beautifully marinated. Mango salsa, served with a little bit [Perla and Laura groan in defeat] of pickled vegetables, finished with an avocado butter.
Staff: Yum.
Gordon: Okay, let's go. Take a taste.
[The staff begin tasting the dishes]
Cheryl: [tastes Gordon's dish] Oh it's so good. (interview) It was amazing to taste Chef Ramsay's dish. You could tell it was gonna taste good just by looking at it.
[Robert takes a bite of a shrimp taco]
Laura: How do you-Robert, what do you think of the shrimp?
Robert: Really good. [Laura does a happy dance]
[The staff taste Perla's dish]
Waitress: [quietly, to Robert] How's the chicken?
Cheryl: (interview) Perla's dish had no flavour. [to Gordon] It's a little bland. (interview) It needs something to spice it up.
Gordon: Okay, good. Which dish goes on the menu?
Waitress: The mango salsa.
Cheryl: Shrimp is really good.
Gordon: So both the shrimp and the Florentine steak are specials tonight.
Laura: (interview) I'm disappointed in Perla, given her opportunity to try to shine. Unfortunately, I think it fell a bit short.

Anna Vincenzo's [3.09][edit]

CeCe: So he is a bigger asshole than I thought. (Talking about Ramsay)
CeCe's father: Fuck him.
CeCe: What?
CeCe's father: Fuck him.
CeCe: Fuck him? (Almost laughing)
CeCe's father: Chef Ramsay... surprised nobody break his legs yet...!

[during after-lunch meeting]
Gordon: What’s with the defense mechanism?
CeCe: (laughs) Oh, my God. Don’t you get defensive if somebody comments on your food like that?
Gordon: I don’t cook shit like that.
(Ashton has hand over mouth in surprise while CeCe shakes her head in disbelief)
Gordon: When was the last time somebody complained about the food?
CeCe: Well, last night.
Gordon: Mm-hmm, and what did they say?
CeCe: It was bland.
Gordon: And were they right or they wrong?
CeCe: No, they’re right. But... you’re off the wall with what you’re saying.
Gordon: Here’s the difference between you and me: I listen for feedback. You can’t handle it. I came here because you asked me to come and help you, and your reaction to me telling you something quite constructive in a very calm manner is a joke.
CeCe: Ok, so you want me to be your fucking puppet?
Gordon: Why are you shouting? Why—
CeCe: Because you’re pissing me the fuck off!
Gordon: So shut the fuck up and talk properly. Is this the way you react when I’m not even here? (to the staff) Is this an old procedure when— it is, yeah?
CeCe: Oh, you’re gonna get your fucking ass kicked.
Gordon: Oh, there you go. Madam, you have an attitude problem. I‘m not too sure which is worse: the food, or the attitude.
CeCe: (to the staff) Ooh, can I hit him now? (to Gordon) You know, a lot of people said you were a jerk; I think I believe it. Anything else?
(dismayed with CeCe’s attitude, Gordon then turns to leave the restaurant)
Gordon: Fuck this. No fucking way. What a sad case.

[After a disastrous dinner service, CeCe and Gordon are sitting on a bench outside the restaurant]
Gordon: You all right? (CeCe is sobbing) No, come on.
(CeCe continues sobbing)
Gordon: I can’t start to even attempt to help unless you come to terms with the problem, and that is the food.
CeCe: It’s good when I cook!
Gordon: Come on! This is not a game for me!
CeCe: It’s not a fucking game for me; this is my life! It’s not a joke for me! Don’t start saying that; it’s not a joke! It’s not a joke for me. I care! If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t fucking be here, so stop saying I don’t care! Just stop, please.
Gordon: I haven’t said that!
CeCe: Yes, you did.
Gordon: What I’m trying to tell you is that you have to come to terms, internally, that there is a huge problem and that is with the food.
CeCe: (interview) Nobody wants to hear that anything that they do sucks. I don’t like to fail. Death would be better than failing.
Gordon: It’s certainly not a sign of weakness to admit your failings. I’ve closed three restaurants but I also have a number of successful ones. One-thousand, six-hundred and fifty members...
CeCe: I know who you are.
Gordon: That’s—
CeCe: And it’s— It’s— I—
Gordon: A “jerk,” you told me earlier.
CeCe: Well, you can be a jerk.
Gordon: Stop acting like a petulant teenager! I’m not gonna stand there and be a doormat for you to take the piss out of me. Let’s get one thing right: you asked me here and I’m here to help, so let me in.
CeCe: Okay, the food sucks. There, you happy?
Gordon: There’s a problem with the way the food is prepared, there’s a problem with the way the food is ordered, there’s a problem with the way the food is not respected... I’m sorry, CeCe, but it’s just not good enough.
(CeCe sobs some more)

Revisited: Gordon Returns 2 [3.10][edit]

Casa Roma

[Gordon turns around and sees Q, who used to work at Sebastian's]
Q: How are you doing sir?
Gordon: (to Q) Wait a second. (to Nylah) I recognise this man.
Nylah: Ah-ha.
Q: How are you doing?
Gordon: (to Q) Your first name is...
Q: Q.
Gordon: From Sebastian's.
Q: Yeah.
Gordon: Possibly one of the most difficult, arrogant, jumped-up owners I have met in my entire life.
Q: I thought you'd say that.
Gordon: What the hell are you doing here?
Q: Good question.

Fleming [3.11][edit]

Gordon: You're the owners?
Andy and Suzanne: Yes.
Gordon: Ok, great. (searching through his Danish dictionary) Hvordan er du? (How are you?)
Andy: I'm sorry. No Danish here.
Gordon: But... it is a Danish restaurant?
Andy: The Danes have left the building.
Gordon: So... the chef's Danish?
Andy and Suzanne: No... he's Cuban.
Gordon: Cuban...

Sushi Ko [3.12][edit]

Gordon: I've never been to a Japanese restaurant where I can have a pizza... sushi style... and a chef owner that's no longer in the kitchen. I'm nervous.
Cook: Just go with it.
Ashleigh: Ok.
Gordon: Um... that's the sushi pizza?
Ashleigh: It sure is. It's rice, salmon, crab, and mayonnaise... some cheese...
Gordon: Wow. Thank you darling. Japanese pizza? [takes a bite and spits it out] Sorry. That... is rancid. [to Ashleigh] You were right. That... is an insult to pizza, yeah? And Japanese food.
Ashleigh: (interview) Chef had fair warning that it was going to be terrible. [laughing]
Gordon: Mhm!
Ashleigh: I told him not to get it!

Gordon: Why do all these sticks got burns on them? You-you don't buy them like that do you? Why are they burned?
Akira: We leuse them sometime.
Gordon: You what?!
Akira: We wash 'em, clean 'em, then use them again.
Gordon: I can't believe this is happening! Where's Lisa? [Akira walks away] And-and no, Akira, don't run away like a snake!
Akira: Ok!

Gordon: Uh... Lisa, Akira, look at all this!
Lisa: Oh, the spicy mayo?
Gordon: So you don't keep mayonnaise in the fridge?
Akira: No. That's not required for... refrigeration.
Gordon: What?!
Akira: That's what I heard.
Gordon: [pointing at the instructions on the mayo bottle] "Refrigerate after opening"! [holding a bucket of spicy mayo] Feel how warm that is!
Akira: Maybe, uh...
Gordon: How long has that been staying outside for? Truthfully.
Akira: Always staying outside, spicy mayonnaise.
Gordon: For four years?
Akira: Yes.
Gordon: This is a Japanese health hazard! This is about you running a restaurant properly. And you're not!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 3 [3.13][edit]

Season 4[edit]

Spanish Pavilion [4.01][edit]

[Gordon is not impressed with the lobster bisque]
Gordon: It looks like the lobster was dead before they cooked it.
Joe: The lobster's from the tank.
Jerry: You want to take a look?
[Gordon goes to take a look]
Gordon: [points] Is he dead?
Jerry: No, I think they're just sleeping.
Gordon: Is it? It must be dead.
Balbina: We keep a good eye on this.
Gordon: You keep a good eye on them? Surely not. [pulls the "sleeping" lobster out of the tank] He's fucking dead. A dead lobster! Yeah, he's gone.
Balbina: Is he?
Gordon: [opens the lobster and smells] What I'm concerned about is everything else in there, they've been feeding off that lobster. They've become full of bacteria
Jerry: (interview) That is extremely unacceptable, dangerous. People could get extremely sick with that. [hands the lobster to a waiter] I'll get rid of this
Gordon: Okay, good.
Michael: [in the kitchen, on the phone] Alright, love you. Bye
Waiter: [gives the lobster to Michael] He smelled it.
Michael: [smells the lobster] They don't smell! (interview) That lobster's fresh. Even though it died, it's... good.

Classic American [4.02][edit]

[Gordon meets Dominick, thinking he's the owner]
Gordon: You look live you've been in this business for thirty years.
Dominick: I haven't.
Gordon: Oh really?
Dominick: Six years.
Gordon: What were you doing before that?
Dominick: Laying brick.
Gordon: [after doing a double take] So it's you and who?
Dominick: Colleen and Naomi. They own the place.
Gordon: OK, brilliant.
Dominick: I'm actually going out with Colleen.
Gordon: You're going out with Colleen?
Dominick: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh, so you're going out with one of the owners?
Dominick: Yeah.
Gordon: Ex-customer?
Dominick: Yeah.
Gordon: Right.

[Gordon reads the sign by the front door]
Gordon: 'Enter as strangers, leave as friends'... Enter a stranger, start dating the owner.

PJ's Steakhouse [4.03][edit]

[Gordon orders crab cakes]
Gordon: Somebody spit on my food? What is that?
Server: It's coulis mango sauce.
Gordon: Oh, coulis mango. Thank you. [she leaves] Looks like something out of a modern art museum. Splat! Okay... [takes a bite] Wow. That's fucking disgusting. It's rancid. Plastic bits of crap running through the crab cakes.

Gordon: PJ's Steakhouse? "Pathetic Joke"! That's what it stands for!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 4 [4.04][edit]

Grasshopper Also [4.05][edit]

[Gordon tries a French onion soup]
Gordon: Jesus. It's like somebody's dropped sliced onions into boiling dishwater. Dreadful.
Maureen: How's the French onion?
Gordon: Off to a bad start unfortunately. It's like somebody's pissed in my soup.
Maureen: That's not good, we'll take this away.
[The soup was returned to the staff]
Maureen: Guys, the French onion, he said it's like piss. The flavor he said was no good.
Chief: (to Mitch) I told you the onion soup wasn't right.
Mitch: We know, I know.
Chief: But how are you going to educate these guys to do that right?
Mitch: I don't know, I'll find out.

[Gordon looks at the shepherd's pie]
Gordon: That gravy's made from...
Annette: Beef.
Gordon: Beef stock on a shepherd's pie.
Annette: Yes.
Gordon: A shepherd's pie is made out of...
Annette: This one is actually beef.
Gordon: Then it's a cottage pie, not a shepherd's pie, because the shepherd stands for the...
Annette: The sheep.

[Maureen tastes the shepherd's pie]
Gordon: Bad, that's gross.
Maureen: And it's not hot either.
Gordon: That's part of the reason why I'm not coming back because it's watery.

Chief: (to Annette) He (Mitch) doesn't know what he's doing. Mitch is fucking up everything here.

[Gordon tries a fisherman's platter. One of the scallops tasted bad]
Gordon: Fucking hell, my God.
Annette: Oh Lord.
Gordon: That's gross.
Annette: No good, Chef?
Gordon: It's soft, bland, rubbery. I didn't realize it would be this bad.

Chief: (to Maureen) Mitch can be blind and I'm not kidding you. He's fucking me over here. All you have to do is do what I told you.
Maureen: Yeah. Well, I'm not even going there, Dad.

Narrator: Thoroughly disgusted with lunch, Chef Ramsay wants to meet the chefs responsible for this supposed "authentic" Irish cuisine.

Gordon: (to Chief) You're from Ireland.
Chief: Yes.
Gordon: What happened here today had nothing to do with Ireland. Shepherd's pie - well, fuck me, that wasn't shepherd's pie. If you went to Dublin and you served shepherd's pie like that, they would shoot you.

[Gordon finds some mozzarella sticks]
Gordon: What is that?
Gabriel: Mozzarella sticks.
[Gordon finds some blood in the mozzarella sticks]
Gordon: Can you see that there? Blood, blood from where?
Gabriel: From the meat.
Gordon: Blood from the meat on the mozzarella sticks.
[Gordon throws the box of mozzarella sticks into a bin]
Gordon: Come on, guys. Thank God I didn't have the fucking mozzarella sticks. Look like a blood transfusion going on down there.

[Gordon finds some meat in the refrigerator]
Gordon: You've got raw meat here, cooked meat, salami with blood in there. Fuck, come on, please. Don't do this to yourselves, let alone the customers. Rule number one: When learning to cook, you cannot store raw meat and cooked meat on the same fucking shelf in the same fucking fridge. The whole fucking thing has got a cross-contamination. Chief, give me something.
Chief: There's a lack of supervision in here.

[Gordon finds some slimy chicken tenders]
Gordon: What's in there?
Gabriel: Tenders.
Gordon: Chicken tenders. Why is it all bubbly and slimy?
Gabriel: The chicken comes like that.
Gordon: The chicken comes like that. Look how slimy it is, look how slimy it is. Look at it. Shit!
Maureen: (interview) My God, it's ribid, it's so embarassing.
[Gordon finds a large piece of salmon]
Gordon: What is this? How can you serve that? It's like it's been left out for days and it's been attacked by cats.

Annette: It's an absolute waste.
Maureen: I know because I pay the bills.
Gordon: I would never, never have put a spoon of anything in my mouth if I knew this was taking place.
Annette: (interview) It's shocking to see just the extent of cross-contamination. There's no check-up.
Gordon: (to Chief) Sorry, Chief. You may be the chief, but I swear to God, there's one thing that Grasshopper hasn't got is a LEADER.
Maureen: (interview) We should all be ashamed of ourselves. At this point in time, I'd like to shot the doors and just say, "You know what? Break it off."
Gordon: (to Mitch, Maureen and Chief) Someone's got to help me here a little bit. I cannot help a situation who are not willing to help themselves, and you don't need me to come in here and turn your fridge upside-down. Mitch, if you're the one with the hands-on role in this business, and you're (Maureen) supporting him, and you're (Chief) the mentoring figure, we're screwed.
Maureen: We have people coming tonight. What are we going to do?
Gordon: I can guarantee you one thing. I am NOT serving food tonight with that shit in there - no way.

[Gordon personally brings back a poorly prepared Shepherd's Pie to the kitchen]
Gordon: What is that? Let me just tell you something, when I was busting my chops earlier making it for you, I turned my back for five minutes and you send that out.
Mitch: Chef.
Gordon: Chef? Come on, guys. On the back of 115 customers in two-and-a-half hours, the results are that.
Annette: (interview) Chef Ramsay was like, "To hell with all these!" There was like no passion, no care for any of the food coming out.
Mitch: Fuck!

Davide [4.06][edit]

[Clips before Gordon arrives, showing the animosity between brothers Frank and Anthony caused by Anthony secretly taking money from the business in the past to buy painkillers for his addiction]
Frank: Hey moron! This is your table!
Anthony: Get the fuck out of here, really.

[The Caesar salad is made and served tableside. Waiter Andrew pushes a cart of ingredients to Gordon's table]
Gordon: Brilliant. Tableside Caesar. North end of Boston, right?
Andrew: Yep.
Gordon: You're going right to the very basics, you've got an egg yolk there as well?
Andrew: Egg yolk, garlic, anchovies.
Gordon: Wow.
Andrew: (interview) Who would've ever thought: I would be making a Caesar for Gordon Ramsay?
[Andrew pours something from a small can into the bowl, and drops the can]
Andrew: (interview) I love doing the Caesar salad. I put a lot of enthusiasm into it.
[Shot of Andrew adding a liquid to the bowl and stirring. Text reading "Waiting 2 Minutes" appears, which quickly transitions to "3 Minutes", "5 Minutes", and "7 Minutes". Andrew then plops the lettuce into the bowl. "8 Minutes" appears as Andrew serves the salad]
Andrew: Here's the Caesar.
Gordon: Okay, great. Thank you. [tastes] Have you just washed that salad?
Andrew: Yes.
Gordon: You just washed it there?
Andrew: Yep.
Gordon: 'Cause it is soaking wet. So, all the dressing has just run off it because the lettuce is soaking wet. To dress a Caesar salad, the salad has to be crisp, but dry. So you made all that freaking work for nothing.
Andrew: (interview) Oh my God. Even it's for nothing.

DownCity [4.07][edit]

[After discovering they don’t have a head chef]
Gordon: Abby, what you’re employing is a ship with no captain at the helm and a team desperate for guidance. No guidance is no standards; no standards is no consistency. So, who came up with the menu? If this is American comfort food, somebody’s dreaming here.
Abby: I did. I did; I take full responsibility for the menu.
Gordon: You have no cooking background but you put the menu together? Abby, you’ve got to understand how frustrating this is. It’s ridiculous!
Abby: I don’t know what to say. Fix it. You fix it! That’s why you’re here.
Gordon: Oh come on, Abby! How can I fix it when you stand there in front of your team rating YOU and your restaurant and your food 10 out of 10? Dreamer!
Abby: I don’t... I don’t think it’s as bad as you say it’s...
Gordon: Stop being in denial!
Abby: Can you be more specific about the meat loaf? What did you not like about the meat loaf?
Gordon: (in disbelief) Oh, SHIT!
Abby: Can you say something besides...
Gordon: You’re loopy!
Abby: I’ve been called worse than that.
Gordon: Wake up and admit it’s shit!
Abby: Bring it on.
Gordon: Oh, come on.
Abby: Bring it on.
Gordon: What do you mean, “bring it on”?

[Abby lies on the chairs after receiving a harsh critique from Gordon]
Abby: So what do I do? Like, just get out of the restaurant business? Then, obviously, my thirty years in business is, like, worthless and I have no idea what the fuck I am doing? Okay! I think I'm going to open that hot dog stand down the beach.
Mini: Want some tea or something?
Abby: No!

[During a staff meeting]
Abby: I don't really care what he says.
Will: Well, I mean...
Abby: He's so completely full of shit. Like, seriously? Our meat loaf is, like, what put us on the map! I mean, it's great!
Nick: I don't like the meat loaf.
Abby: (flabbergasted) You really don't?
Nick: I honestly don't.
Mini: We had it the other night together.
Abby: What? What-what didn't you like about it?
Mini: I think our food is mediocre, if it's not...
Abby: Mini-Me, seriously!? You're telling me now you don't like it!?
Mini: We eat it because we're here. This is not my restaurant of choice. I will not dine here in my off time.
Abby: You're saying, for what we serve -- comfort food, meat loaf, pastas, steak, whatever -- you're saying, for those--
Mini: It's not up to par even for that.
(the rest of the staff concurs)
Abby: So now you're all telling me that you don't like the menu?
(the staff nods their heads, and Abby looks disappointed)
Abby: (testimonial) I feel stabbed in the back, I guess. (back at the staff meeting) You're just hitting me with this, now?
Nick: You know what we're up against if we even opened our mouths about the menu once? Every time we open our mouths, "Fuck off!" "Fuck you!" "You don't know anything!" We're all at a point now where we're just like, "If this is what she wants, let's just serve it out! We'll take it out of the window and bring it to the table!"
Mini: We were trying to make the best out of it.
Nick: What are we going to have an opinion about now?
Abby: Oh, you're so full of shit! (walks out of the meeting)
Mini: (tries to bring Abby back) No, no, no, no.
Abby: You're so full of shit! No!
Mini: Talk to us! (testimonial) Without a doubt, she's in denial.

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: You haven't got a head chef?
Abby: Jimmy is my head chef.
Gordon: So we have a head chef. Before, you weren't ready to confirm he was a head chef. All of a sudden, we discover this mess down here. Now, he's appointed.
Abby: Rico, why don't we just sell the place and just get out of the business?
Gordon: Why don't we what?!
Abby: I was talking to Rico. It has nothing to do with you.
Gordon: Has nothing to do with me?
Abby: No.
Gordon: Excuse me? What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying--
Abby: You're being a fucking asshole! This wasn't like this. I don't run a kitchen like this!
Gordon: Hold on a minute. You're calling me a fucking arsehole?!
Abby: I am!
Gordon: You stuck-up precious little bitch! Let me tell you something!
Abby: Oh, boy. Here we go.
Gordon: Listen to me!
Abby: I'm not going to listen to you.
Gordon: You're in denial!
Abby: I'm not in denial!
Gordon: Yes, you are! Yes, you are! You can't even accept it!
Abby: Fuck you!
Gordon: And you walk out again!
Abby: I am! (Flips off Gordon) Fuck you! (walks upstairs)
Gordon: There you go. Flip the bird? That's your attitude? (to Rico) And that's your partner? I'm really sorry, but this wasn't like this before I got here? She's deluded, that woman.
Abby: You are insane!
Gordon: Blame me all you want! Easy excuse, isn't it? You're insane!
Abby: I'm insane? You're insane! You're fucking insane!
Gordon: You can't even handle the fucking truth!
Abby: That refrigerator was not like that before you got here.
Gordon: You're in denial. Flip out again!
Abby: I would NEVER allow that refrigerator to go like that!
Gordon: And those BONES?! The mouldy lamb bones?!
Abby: I don't even talk to my staff like this! Why don't you get the fuck out of my restaurant?!
Gordon: You want me to go? I will go.
Abby: I would love you to go! Get the fuck out of my restaurant, please!
Abby: You're a disgrace to this industry! Fuck you and get out of my restaurant! Are you still here?
Gordon: (to the cameraman) Not now, guys, please, Please, please.
Abby: Fuck him!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 5 [4.08][edit]

Three worst inspections

Narrator: When Chef Ramsay goes to work on any of the restaurants, he always does a thorough kitchen inspection. And while some are absolutely fine, others are a disgusting mess. Here are the three worst inspections in Kitchen Nightmares history.
Number three: Fiesta Sunrise, a Mexican restaurant in West Nyack, New York.
Number two: Seascape Inn, a family restaurant in Islip, New York.
And number one: Dillon's, an Indian restaurant in New York City.

Gordon's top three fights of all time

Narrator: Kitchen Nightmares has seen its shares of arguments, but we've selected the three biggest blow-ups.
We begin with number three, which took place at Peter's in Babylon, New York, where Peter took his anger out not at Chef Ramsay, but on a bill collector.
Number two goes to Sebastian's in Burbank, California, where this owner (Sebastian) had trouble facing the truth, and he literally chased Chef Ramsay down.
And the number one spot goes to Secret Garden in Moorpark, California, where Gordon had seen enough of owner Michel's antics.

Tavolini [4.09][edit]

Kingston Cafe [4.10][edit]

(Gordon is lifting a tray with about 30 salads in martini glasses)
Gordon: Oh, my God. You are kidding me. Jesus Christ! Who's doing all this? Oh, my good God.
Una: Um, Gordon, if you continue like that, Jesus Christ is actually going to appear.
Gordon: I hope so, because that's what's needed right now.

La Frite [4.11][edit]

[Gordon has discovered burnt quiche about to be sent out]
Gordon: [to Celine] What is that?
Celine: That's quiche but it's been overcooked.
Gordon: You are kidding me.
Celine: He (Martin) don't listen to my opinions because it's me.
Gordon: Martin?
Martin: Yeah, talk to me.
Gordon: Yeah come around please. I am talking to you.
Martin: Yes, sir.
Gordon: [reveals the burnt bottom of the quiche] Are you serious?
Martin: Ok, one more coming up.
Gordon: [to Alex] I just said to Martin, would you come around a minute, serving that.
Alex: [flatly] Yeah, I know.
Gordon: You don't walk away and ignore me.
Celine: (interview) Alex has never taken confrontation well. You try to talk to him about something and he just walks away.
Gordon: [throws the burnt dish out and walks out to the dining room to Alex] Are you joking around or are you ignoring me like this? Just sort of given up, have you given up?
Alex: [flatly] I have not given up. Absolutely not. Look at the restaurant. It's wonderful.
Gordon: But you're walking around with a big bravado- "It's wonderful"?
Alex: Uh-huh.
Gordon: [outside] Wow. This is the most disorganized restaurant I've ever seen. Martin the chef, he's burnt out. Alex, well he's so laid-back he's almost comatose. Andre the owner who makes all the decisions, he's at a freaking hockey game. And the only one who cares, Celine, everybody ignores her. Unbelievable. Oh by the way, the food sucks. Unreal.
Customer 1: It's chewy and the sauce is very gooey.
Customer 2: The lamb has got like no flavour.
Waitress: Oh, no. I'm sorry. [to the chefs] Ughhh, they said the lamb has no flavour.
Celine: Yep, okay. I know why it doesn't. We didn't salt and pepper it.
Gordon: They're not even seasoning it?
Celine: Bring on the menu, let Alex know what table it is, please.
Gordon: Alex, so that's just coming back now.
Alex: [flatly] Thanks Gordon. Thanks a lot.
Gordon: [to Celine] Is this normal that he doesn't care?
Celine: Mhm.
Alex: Celine, you know what, this is really, this is gonna fuck us up.
Gordon: You better get a grip.
Celine: [leaving] I can't get in the middle.
Alex: It's really sad. (interview) We've been running the restaurant for 38 years and things don't need to change.
Gordon: [to Alex] You're not real.
Celine: [crying outside] (interview) That hurts. I love my brother and I know he's better than what he's doing here right now. And I wish he would realize that everybody's here to help. Otherwise, Alex will ruin me.
Gordon: Alex, look at me. Don't bully your sister; bully me.
Alex: [flatly] I'm not bullying anybody Gordon.
[Shot of Celine crying outside]
Gordon: Take a bit of responsibility.
Alex: [flatly] I am.
Gordon: Wow, what a fucking sponge.

Capri [4.12][edit]

Jim: Ready to get out of the business?
Jeff: No. Don't say that. [cries]
Jim: Come on, stop crying. Fucking grow up, you pussy!
Jeff: Fuck you.

Narrator: Thanks to Chef Ramsay's encouragement, Jeff jumps back into dinner service and tries to help his brother Jim get the kitchen back on track.
Jeff: Keep it up, Jim. You're doing a good job.
Narrator: But unfortunately, he only makes matters worse.
Gordon: [looking at a raw chicken breast] Jim, what have you done to those?
Jim: I don't know what happened to those. I really don't.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the bag?
Jim: I think I defrosted them in the bag and I...
Gordon: Jeff.
Jeff: Yeah?
Gordon: The chicken tenders. What did you do to defrost them?
Jeff: I put it on the steam table.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the steam table from frozen?
Jeff: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh, my god.
Jeff: Not what you're supposed to do?
Gordon: No! Frozen food needs to be defrosted naturally.
Jim: Right.
Gordon: Give me the bag. Where's the bag? [takes the bag from Jim] Jesus Christ! [opens the bag to find slimy chicken] Oh, God almighty! We can't serve them! You'll fucking kill somebody! Jim, talk to me!
Jim: What am I supposed to say? It's a mistake.
Gordon: It's a lethal mistake! Is that what I ate lunch time?
Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh, fucking... I've been feeling a little bit crap all afternoon. What are you two doing?
Jim: I fucked up.
Gordon: "I fucked up"?
Jim: Well, what do you want me to say?
Gordon: I want you to step up to the plate and be a man!
Jim: I screwed up!
Gordon: You haven't told anyone yet.
Jim: (interview) He was just being a jerk! He's an ass. I'm so tired of him just pushing and pushing!
Gordon: Grow some balls and take it off the menu!
Jim: (interview) I've had enough. I'm so pissed! I can only take so much before I fight back.
Jeff: [Jim steps out of the kitchen and walks into the dining room] Jim! Jim!
Jim: Out of the way! [announcing] Ladies and gentlemen! Due to certain circumstance, we have no chicken tonight. [Gordon groans] My apology to everyone here. If you just want to have what you're eating now and leave, I understand fully and I apologize.
Gordon: Hey, there may have been a more subtle way of doing that.
Jim: Get out of my way, prick! We canceled all our chicken orders. We got screwed!
Gordon: Will you stop acting like a baby?
Jim: Oh, blow it out your ass!
Gordon: Excuse me?!
Jim: You heard it!
Gordon: Hey, you need a little diaper changing? That time of night?
Jim: I'll give you something!
Gordon: A little poo-poo? Cacked your pants?
Jim: (interview) He's the baby. He's the one that's whining over everything. I don't need to hear this crap.
Gordon: Jim, why do you have to behave like this?
Jim: I'm not going to get yelled at!
Gordon: You're walking around like a big baby. I'm just asking you to grow up a little bit! Show a little respect for what you're trying to cook.
Jim: Fuck off!
Gordon: Oh, my God! You big wet noodle! Do you want a blanket and a bottle?
Jim: Do you need one? Upside the head?
Jeff: Jim, stop it, please.
Gordon: Oh, my god. What a spoiled brat!
Jim: Fuck you!
Jeff: Jim, shut up, please! You're not helping the cause. [Jim's pan catches fire]
Gordon: Oh, my God! Now he's setting himself on fire.
Jim: I hope so.
Gordon: [to Darian] Are they always acting this childish?
Darian: Oh, yeah. They don't get their way, they cry or throw a temper tantrum.
Gordon: Oh, my God. To walk into the dining room like that and scream.
Darian: That's what I said. A temper tantrum. (interview) There's a part of me that's very satisfied to see the boys finally get what they deserve. A lesson in humility. [back in the kitchen] Hahaha!!!

[after dinner service]
Gordon: Okay, today can be summed up in one four-letter word: lazy. I can't even start to help both of you when you're not even helping yourselves. I really needed you to do something. Both of you, go through your kitchen and clean it. Not your staff. You. Both of you. Got it?
Jeff & Jim: [simultaneously] Yep.
Gordon: Good night. Get to work. [leaves]
Jeff: (interview) We were lazy. Now we're paying for it. We're failures. [in the restaurant] Yay.
Jim: [sobbing while scrubbing a refrigerator grate] It's making it dirtier. Can' this.
Jeff: What's wrong Jim?
Jim: I can't clean anything. I'm a failure. I'm making a mess. (interview) I feel bad. We are in trouble. I really don't know if we can fix it. That's the problem. [in the kitchen] I'm not cleaning anything up.
Jeff: Go take a break Jim.
Jim: No, I can't take a break, cause I'm too lazy as it is. I'm fine. I got to clean this up.

Jeff: By the way, we have HOMEMADE MEATBALLS!

Zeke's [4.13][edit]

Gordon: I saw on the menu, the "Oysters--"
Candace: The Oysters Cortello.
Gordon: [gives her a meaningful look]
Candace: It's an invented dish for our restaurant. The Cortellos are Darryl and Ellen, so they made it up.
Gordon: So the owners have named an oyster after them?
Candace: Yes, they have.
Gordon: They bought the restaurant, now they want their name on the menu.
Candace: Yes.
Gordon: Sounds like someone's struggling for power!

[Sampling the 'Oysters Cortello']

Gordon: Wow. They're dreadful. Oysters named after the owner? I sure wouldn't put my name on that. I wouldn't even put my enemy's name on that.

[Darryl, the owner, has divided the entrees in small portions in order to cut costs]

Gordon: How does this work? Emil, when were these done?
Emil: Last night.
Gordon: Why are they bagged?
Emil: He portions them out to order.
Gordon: Really? [Watches Darryl's side-eye] What's the idea of putting everything in bags?
Emil: Portion size.
Gordon: Portion size?
Darryl: [interview] I like to have everything in quantitative perspective. If I give too much, you get a happy customer here, you don't get a good customer. They're happy because they're getting three times what they should be getting, and I'm getting nothing. I don't make money on that.
Gordon: It's food. We're not cutting, uh, piping for the bathroom.

Oceana [4.14][edit]

[Gordon's blackened duck has been sent back to the kitchen]
Moe: Oh, my God. [groans] It's tough?
Rami: Look how tough the duck is!
Moe: You said it's tough?
Rami: It is tough, man! Cut it! And look- I'm 500 pounds, and look... [tries to cut it]
Damon: It is not tough.
Rami: The meat is tough!
Moe: I'm hungry and I'm going to eat it my fucking self.
Rami: Enjoy it then!
Moe: (interview) That's my favorite dish on the menu. And that duck is not going nowhere. This is going to stay quacking on my menu. [in the kitchen] I don't give a fuck if he doesn't like it. [takes a bite] Man, this duck is so fucking good, man. (interview) Oh my gosh [kisses]. [in the kitchen] Hey look, that's the skin.
Rami: It's tough. (interview) Moe doesn't get it. He doesn't want to listen, he still thinks it's tender. I don't know what kind of teeth he has.
Moe: You know what? I'd like him to come back here and cook the duck and show him what his duck gonna look like. We're going to call it the "Gordon duck!" [laughs; Gordon overhears] It's going to be a British duck right there! [laughs]
Gordon: What the hell's going on in there?
Rami: How's it going, Chef?
Gordon: They're laughing. What is going on in there?
Rami: The food is coming back to the kitchen and they think it's a joke.
Gordon: Um, can I meet the chef?
Rami: Absolutely.
Damon: [mocking Gordon back in the kitchen] "It's bloody dreadful! Fucking bloody!"
Moe: (interview) Chef Ramsay is clueless. I really don't think that British can cook. Period.

Gordon: Damon, executive chef? How long have you been here?
Damon: About six and a half months.
Gordon: I don't know where to start, but here's the thing: the food is embarrassing. No passion, no flavour. The crab cakes, they weren't made fresh. Do you freeze crab cakes? Damon?
Damon: No.
Gordon: You don't freeze them? Soggy, covered in sauce?
Rami: Chef, I'd like to step on this side, to be on your side, because they do freeze the crab cakes. (interview) I had to step from that line and go to Chef Ramsay's side. How is he going to help us if you're lying to him?
Gordon: Why are we lying to each other here? Are they frozen, yes or no?
Damon: Yes.
Gordon: They are? Why do you want to bullshit me? I could taste they're frozen.
Moe: But there's a good reason why we freeze the crab cakes.
Gordon: Tell me the good reason behind freezing crab cakes.
Moe: Because we don't have enough customers here to serve the crab cakes, so the only thing to prevent them from going bad is to freeze them.
Gordon: Why make so many?
Moe: The batch is big basically.
Gordon: I don't understand this.
Rami: Why would you make a big batch?
Moe: (interview) Rami... fuck you, you just sold me out to fucking Chef Ramsay!
Gordon: Damon, when was the duck cooked?
Damon: I can't give you an answer.
Gordon: Oh, come on! I mean, what the fuck is this?
Damon: I don't know.
Gordon: [flabbergasted] You don't know when the duck was cooked?!
Damon: No.
Gordon: Do you know when the duck was cooked?
Kenny: No sir, I don't.
Gordon: Do you know when the duck was cooked?
[Brad shakes his head]
Gordon: Holy shit!
Moe: I know when the fucking duck was cooked! I know!
Gordon: Well, thank fuck for that!! Solve the mystery!!
Moe: We cook the duck off the premises. And we usually cook it about once a month.
Gordon: You cook the duck off the premises?
Moe: Yes, in our commissary kitchen.
Gordon: And it stays in the fridge for a month?!
Damon: Freezer.
Gordon: Oh, shit! So, you cook the duck, you freeze it, and then you bring it in like a shipment?
Damon: How many fucking times do you want me to say it?
Gordon: Because I'm fucking embarrassed! You're just bullshitting me because you haven't got the balls to step up to the fucking plate!
Damon: [approaches Gordon and gets in his face] Well, this is me stepping up to the fucking plate!
Damon: What the fuck else do you need to know?!
Gordon: The truth!!
[Rami and Moe push Damon back]
Rami: You can't do that! You can't do that!
Rami: You need to chill out! You cannot do that! He's here to help us fix the problem!
Gordon: Do I not deserve the fucking truth? I asked you if (the crab cakes) are frozen, you lied. I said when did you cook the duck? "I don't know." Why couldn't you be honest? If that's how deluded you guys are, that you can't even tell me the truth, I'm really sorry. I'm not here to help fucking liars, let me tell you that. Do you know what? I don't know where to even start. [leaves] Fuck me!

[Gordon walks to where the grill is smoking]
Gordon: Who told you to put oil under there?
Kenny: Damon.
Gordon: The chef? So you spray the grill with oil? [coughs] Fucking shit!

Gordon: [finds a container of spoiled shrimp] What's this? Oh, fucking hell.
Moe: Oooooh...
Gordon: [smells the shrimp] Oh my... [starts coughing and then throws up in a bin] Shit! How old are they?
Damon: I don't know.
Gordon: Just smell them. [Damon smells] Smell them.
Moe: [smells] Oh! (interview) The smell was like "Argh!" I had no idea... Chef... Damon was doing such a shitty job.
Gordon: Look at the colour of them! All this shit is tarnished now, the whole fucking lot is tainted!
Rami: (interview) It's just... unacceptable. I mean Chef Damon should know better, he's an executive chef.

Gordon: [finding tons of pasta in the fridge] I'm trying to help you understand the method in your madness.
Damon: Hey, asshole, I'm not the one who just said it was done yesterday! I asked my prepper--
Gordon: You can call me a fucking arsehole all you want. So get fucking angry with me.
Damon: You're standing right here hearing me ask the person who knows and I gave you his answer, not mine.
Gordon: Right, who's the fucking chef around here?
Damon: I am.
Gordon: Right. Bags of jambalaya, in the fridge, warm. Have you any idea what happens to jambalaya in the fridge when it's still warm in the centre?
Brad: Grows the bacteria?
Gordon: "Grows the bacteria"? [finds bins of crabs] And how many crabs are you selling, "chef", over the next fucking three months? Lost for words? [flabbergasted] Really?! Another box of crab cakes. When were these made? No date, you see, "chef."
Moe: (interview) There was nothing but dollar signs going through my mind. Soft shell crabs, jambalaya, crawfish étouffée thrown straight down the garbage. Chef Damon basically just took the money right out of our pockets.
Gordon: [finds a dirty tray] I don't what you think you should be taking out of containers... and sort of... cleaning out your fridge from time to time. One fucking question to you: who's the arsehole now, "chef"?
Damon: I am. [his eyes twitch]
Gordon: I didn't come in here to humiliate you. But how DARE you serve me food from this disgusting fridge, then STAND there, and call me an arsehole, "chef"?! Excuse me... "chef".


Moe: Today is a wake up call for us. The person who is running this kitchen is not up to this job. He's made a lot of damages to this restaurant and we need to tell him that he needs to go.
Rami: Yeah, that's what we should've done a long time ago.
Moe: Can you please go get Chef Damon?
Rami: (interview) It was always my suggestion that we have to let Chef Damon go, but Moe always told me that he can do the job. Finally, Moe has realized that he's not the right guy for us.
[Rami goes in the kitchen and comes back out with Damon]
Moe: Today was a wake up call for me. Chef Ramsay came here and he went to the back and he pointed out all things that are going wrong. Right now, I feel like you are part of this problem.
Damon: I'm not, Moe.
Moe: How can you not know that you're not supposed to put the jambalaya when it's hot in the walk in? How can you not know that? You're an executive chef! How can you not know that? Can you explain?
Damon: I didn't do it. Our prep people did it. I didn't realize that they did it and I've coached them repeatedly to not do that.
Moe: Chef, the problem is excuses. Every time I tell you we have an issue, you just hit me with nothing but excuses and I'm at a point where I cannot take any more excuses. Do you understand that? Do you understand? We cannot afford to have any more shit happen today! We've lost about five grand! WE SHUT DOWN THE RESTAURANT TONIGHT BECAUSE OF THE KITCHEN ISSUES!! Do you understand that? [Damon nods] It's the problem and right now you're the one who caused the problem! Do you understand that? Today, I've made a decision. With all due respect chef, today's your last day at the restaurant. Thank you. [leaves; afterwards, Damon gives the keys to Rami and leaves as well]

Gordon: I'm going to do some work in the kitchen. Do you have any recipes...on pen and paper?
Moe: [points to his head] Right here.
Gordon: What?!
Moe: Right here.
Gordon: So why aren't they on paper? Why haven't we got a database?
Moe: I like to keep my recipes secrets. If I put them on a piece of paper, I don't want anyone to steal them.
Gordon: Fucking hell. Oh, Jesus Christ. So you're worried that somebody gets the recipe and copies it.
Moe: Anybody changes my recipe, I'm going to kill them. It's my recipe.
Gordon: Rami, help me out here will you? Is this for real?
Rami: This is what we do everyday chef. [Gordon laughs]
Moe: You think it's funny but believe what I tell you.
Gordon: I don't think it's funny, You're just a little bit deluded.
Moe: Well you know what? The recipes are in my head.
Gordon: [incredulously] Are you stupid?!
Moe: I am not stupid.
Rami: (interview) Moe, you are stupid. The kitchen absolutely don't know what the fuck to cook because the recipe is in Moe's head! It's crazy.
Moe: Don't call me stupid in my fucking restaurant! You understand that you need to learn how to talk to people?! This is New Orleans! You understand?!
Gordon: Wow...
Moe: This is New Orleans! Don't fucking come down here talking to us like that!
Gordon: Calm down...
Moe: I have NEVER been chewed up like you chewed me up!
Gordon: Right.
Moe: (interview) We got nothing but swamp around here! Anybody who talk like that get chopped up and fed to the fucking alligators!
Gordon: I'm not here to blow smoke up your fucking arse, let me tell you that. I'm here to fix this restaurant. But you are one obstacle, aren't you?
Moe: No, I'm an easy-going guy...I listen, I work hard....
Gordon: But you're a..."busy idiot".
Moe:....I don't think he gets it that he needs to watch his language.
Rami: But you're not getting that he's here to help us.
Moe: But I'm not calling him an idiot, he's calling me an idiot.
Gordon: A "busy" idiot.
Moe: Busy idiot.
Gordon: You're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: I mean, I feel like flipping the fucking table right now.
Rami: Did you hear what he just said? He just explained it, you're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: (interview) Busy idiot! Is he kidding me?! I will stand up, beat the fuck out of him, and show him who the fucking idiot is!
Gordon: What is it you want? A fight?
Moe: My problem is, I want to make this restaurant successful.
Gordon: So do I. I'm here to help. I don't want to see you running around killing yourself like a busy idiot. I've just gone over the fact that we haven't got any recipes on paper, and all in your head. You're worrying about writing them down for some other chef copying them and making their restaurants more successful than yours. I'm in the real world. That's where I am. You're treating me like one of your fucking staff. Well, let me tell you, Moe, I'm not a member of your staff. Flip the table, punch me, do the fuck what you want to do. But don't fuck with me. Got it?
Moe: Got it.
Gordon: Thank you. See you later [gets up and leaves]
Rami: (interview) He's (Moe) not understanding that this guy (Gordon) can make a difference in our lives. [to Moe] He's British. "Busy idiot" over there means something totally different over here. "Busy idiot" is a good thing [pats Moe's shoulder], that means you're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: "Busy idiot" is a compliment?
Rami: It's a compliment. He's from British. He doesn't speak English. (interview) I know "busy idiot" is not a compliment but I had to calm Moe down.
Moe: But he needs to understand that "busy idiot" in America is an insult.
Rami: Okay, "busy idiot" is a good thing. (interview) I had to tell him it's a compliment so we can move on because other than that, he's gonna keep on going at it with Chef Ramsay and we're not gonna go nowhere. [to Moe] Let's can we move on?
Moe: We can move on.
Rami: Okay.
Moe: (interview) I'm like you know what, I should have brought a fucking British dictionary. I f- It took me a long fucking time to learn my language. How long is it gonna take me- it's the last thing I wanna do is learn fucking British.

Moe: If I don't like the changes, I will send him back to British with a black eye.

Gordon: Moe thinks that running a restaurant on bourbon street is all about having a good time when it should be about dedication and striving for success. That's why I'm not sure that Oceana will be here next year when I come back. Wow. "I've got all the recipes inside my head." Unbelievable.

Season 5[edit]

Blackberry's [5.01][edit]

[Gordon sees a wok where Shelly's cooking her food on]
Gordon: Am I seeing right? You've got a three-burner wok there. Is that a pizza oven?
Shelly: Yes, that is my pizza oven. And the wok. I love it, chef.
Portia: [passes between Gordon and Shelly] Sorry, chef.
Gordon: Shelly, how can you cook soul food in a wok?
Shelly: Watch me, chef! Watch me!
Mateen: (interview) Soul food is supposed to be cooked slowly. Soul food is cooked with love and soul. Not in a wok. Shelly's cooking green beans in a wok, cooking rice in a wok, cabbage in a wok. We're not a Chinese soul-food restaurant. We don't need a wok, okay?
Gordon: [to Mateen] That's a first to me. A Southern food restaurant with a Chinese wok and a pizza oven?
Mateen: Yeah, the oven that doesn't work, right there.
Gordon: Tell me what's working, apart from you.

[10 minutes before dinner service begins, Gordon re-enters the restaurant and notices a dead mouse]

Gordon: Ooh, what is that? Bloody hell. Damn. [picks up the mouse] Oh my God. Have you got a bin?
Mary: Yes, chef?
Gordon: The mouse [holds it up]. Just by the front door.
Mary: Huh?
Gordon: It's by the door!
Mary: No! We just had the exterminator.
Gordon: You paid for the exterminator?
Mary: Sure.
Gordon: Get your money back.
Hostess: Ok that's not funny.
Gordon: [to the kitchen staff] Have we got an incinerator outside? [to James] Can you take that no? As a general manager, do something with it. [Shelly walks up to Gordon] The mouse.
Shelly: The mouse?
Gordon: It was in the entrance as I walked in when I left outside
Shelly: A baby mouse? A mouse?
Mary: We always have the exterminator once a month for prevention
Shelly: Are you serious?
James: [throwing a box into the dumpster] No fucking way.
Shelly: A mouse? Come on! At the front door and not even in the kitchen. [to the kitchen staff, sarcastically] Hey guys, be careful of mice
James: [to Gordon] Can you show me where you found that?
Gordon: It was at the front door.
James: Where?
Gordon: Where's the front door in your mind? [Gordon and James walk to the front door.]
Shelly: [to the kitchen staff] I can't believe that.
Gordon: I came in the door, walked there, saw him. Bang, right there. [places his foot where the mouse was]
James: Right there? Do you have it on film?
Gordon: Are you kidding me? What, you thought I brought it in my pocket?
James: I think you did.
Gordon: Are you fucking dreaming? I arrived, the mouse was there.
James: Never. Never had that. Never. There was never no mouse right here
Gordon: Right, okay.
James: I'm sure.
Gordon: So we have the exterminator last week, they come on regular occasions.
James: Yes.
Gordon: We have an issue with mice, that's why we have an exterminator
James: We don't have an issue with mice. The exterminator comes in regularly
Gordon: Okay, let's you and I do a little investigation. Let's go. Dwayne, when was the last time you spotted a mouse in here?
Dwayne: I've never seen one.
Gordon: You've never seen one. Good. [leaves]
Dwayne: [to other staff, quietly] Except for that one that was under the steam table that was dead a few months back. Almost a year back.
Gordon: I walked in the front door - a mouse.
Shelly: The mouse that you planted, I know. They told me. But it's okay!
Gordon: No, it's not okay.
Shelly: It's a show.
Gordon: It's got nothing do with TV, nothing to do with your business in the shit. I am not going to stand there and even attempt to take that crap from you. You can take your restaurant, and stick it. I am gone. I'm out of here.
Shelly: You're out of here? I'm out of here. [pushing past the others] Excuse me, go. See you later. Shut it down! Let's go, it's over.

Leone's [5.02][edit]

[Gordon has asked the chefs to make one of every item on the menu. He returns to find five tables full of plates of food]
Gordon: Oh my God! Holy crap. How many items on the menu?
Michael: Over 100.
Gordon: 100?! [looks around at the staff] I mean, physically? The appearance, Jesus Christ. Can I have a knife and fork please? Maybe a bag, fucking sick bag.
Jon: (interview) Chef Ramsay, I would like to apologize in advance. Everything is just terrible.
Gordon: [looking at several pizzas] Let's start here. What's what?
Michael: Umm...
Trudy: [points to some pizzas] This is a sweet onion pie. This is a basic cheese pie.
Gordon: Crust looks very dark there, is that normal that or is he just having an off day?
Michael: The oven gets very hot, sir. [Gordon's jaw drops]
Gordon: [tastes a dish] Have you tasted that?
Michael: Mhm.
Gordon: [gives Michael a fork with food on it] How bland is that?
Michael: [tastes] I think the texture I don't like. The taste...
Gordon: You like the taste but you don't like the texture?
Michael: Yeah.
Gordon: Jesus. [lifts a block of rice from another dish] Is that rice?
Trudy: Risotto.
Gordon: That's risotto? Risotto? Oh come on, guys. I mean fucking, do me a favour [plops the rice block down]. Fuck what stinks here? What's that smell? [to Michael] Is that you?
Michael: No, sir. [smiles]
Gordon: [sniffing around the dishes] Wha-
Michael: I don't think so.
Gordon: [picks up a clam from a zuppa di pesce dish and smells it] Just smell that. Smell inside [Michael smells and nods]. [to Rose] I don't want you smelling that, no, not with your state of health, I don't want you back in a coma [Rose laughs]. [gives a clam to Michael] Taste the clams, quick! [spits out his clam] Aah, mine's full of grit.
Michael: Little spongey.
Gordon: "Spongey"? No it's grit, they're not even cleaned.
Trudy: Grit, yeah.
Gordon: [points to Trudy] Are you crunching grit?
Trudy: Yeah, yes. Yes.
Gordon: [points to Jon] Dirt, sand.
Michael: How do you clean a clam if it's sealed?
Gordon: You run them under fucking cold water.
Michael: Ohhh, I didn't even know that, yeah.
Jon: (interview) Lord only knows where those clams came from. At least it was just sand, that's all I'm saying.
Gordon: [with another dish] What is that?
Michael: That's our arrabiata.
Gordon: Why's all the vinegar on there?
Michael: People like that recipe. They love it, actually.
Gordon: [tastes] Oh my God. The chillis [coughs], garlic. I mean, that is a fucking disaster. [moves on to another table full of plates] Next row? [with a chicken savoy dish drenched in balsamic sauce] What the fuck is that? [Jon smiles] What the fuck is it?
Michael: It's chicken.
Gordon: In balsamic sauce? [tastes]
Michael: Yeah, red wine and a balsamic reduction.
Trudy: Balsamic reduction.
Gordon: Taste it.
Trudy: [quietly] I don't wanna taste it.
Gordon: It should come with a fucking warning. That will blow your lungs out. I mean- and where about in Italy is that from?
Michael: I don't know.
Gordon: Oh, come on. [with another dish] What is this one?
Trudy: Pasta reggio.
Gordon: [tastes] There's no seasoning in there. [compilation of other dishes being tasted] Everything's bland. Bland. It's bland! Pasta's bland! [compilation of Gordon spitting dishes out] Dirt. [with a loose tortilla] It's like a fucking flip-flop. [another compilation of dishes being tasted] Look at the garlic in there. Too much garlic. Smell of garlic. Pissing with garlic. Way too much garlic. How many bulbs of garlic is in there? [brings a dish to Michael's nose]
Michael: A lot of garlic, yeah.
Gordon: Are they trying to put me in a hospital for two years? I mean, it's bad. It is bad. I mean, honestly, get me the chefs out here will you please?
Michael: Sure. (interview) My food even though I think it needs help, it's definitely not that bad. I eat it myself, it's not as bad as the Chef said.
[Darryl and Carchi show up in the dining room]
Gordon: [with the balsamic chicken savoy dish] Who made this?
Carchi: [raises his hand] I did it.
Gordon: Have you tasted it? [Carchi doesn't respond] Have you ever sat down and tasted your own food? Sit down!
Carchi: With a what happens?
Gordon: No, not with the happens, sit down. [Carchi walks towards Gordon hesitantly] Come on, quickly! I need you to taste it!
Carchi: Yeah. I know it's, it's-
Gordon: Sit down please!
Carchi: Yes, chef. [sits at a table]
Gordon: Welcome to Leone's. [places the dish in front of Carchi] There we are.
Carchi: [cutting a piece of chicken] I know it's, it's, it's... [tastes; Darryl is seen also sat down and tasting]
Gordon: How does that taste?
Rose: Can I have a fork please?
Gordon: No, you're not eating that. No, no, no. I'm not gonna be responsible for putting you back in hospital. Sit down, you are not eating that. [to Carchi] How does that taste? How. Does. It. Taste?
Carchi: I don't like, personally. I don't like.
Gordon: You don't like it?
Carchi: I don't like it.
Gordon: [to Darryl] How is that?
Darryl: It's very vinegary.
Gordon: Have you tasted your risotto?
Darryl: Yes, I do taste the risotto.
Gordon: Yeah, stay there. [gets up and brings the risotto] Have a little taste. Yeah, just have a taste there. [places the risotto in front of Darryl] Use your knife and fork, have a little taste. [Darryl tastes the risotto] How does that taste? [Darryl spits out the risotto] Wow. It's fucking disgusting. And if that's classed as a risotto here in New Jersey. Dude, you gotta get out more. [to Carchi] What, if any, dish do you like on these tables?
Carchi: Nothing.
Gordon: Nothing at all?
Carchi: The salad.
Gordon: [facepalms] When a chef doesn't like his own food. [hand across neck cutting motion] How the fuck do you expect the customer to? For me, that says it all. [to Michael] Even your chefs don't like their food!
Michael: I think it's good.
Gordon: You think it's good? Wow. Are you in denial or are you just doing this in front of your mother?
Michael: No I'm not. No, no, I'm not in denial.
Gordon: I'm gonna get some fresh air. I'll be back later, yeah? [leaves]. [quiety, to himself] I'd like to catch a plane out of here right now.

[Gordon is inspecting the kitchen during service]
Gordon: Ooh Jesus. What is that in there? What is that?
Michael: I think it's veal, chef.
Gordon: You think it's veal?
Michael: Pretty sure it's veal.
Gordon: You didn't put it in there.
Michael: No, I didn't.
Carchi: Darryl, what is that?
Darryl: That looks like meat thrown in a pan.
Michael: But what is it though?
Darryl: I don't know. It's not labeled.
Gordon: Oh, my God! Fucking-- Hey. Forget the orders for five minutes. [to Carchi] Come around, you. Darryl, come 'round. Don't worry about the cooking for now. I got more fucking issues. When was the last time this was organized?
Darryl: It hasn't been organized.
Gordon: Oh, come on. [pulls out a jar from the fridge] What's that?
Darryl: Molasses.
Gordon: Molasses?
Darryl: Yeah, that's been in there since Thanksgiving.
Gordon: What?! It's July! What's that? [pulls out an old piece of meat from a container] Oh, my God! [sniffs the old meat] Oh, shit. This is raw pork. It's not my pork that you served to me, is it?
Carchi: No, that's the, uh, the old pork that got left in there.
Gordon: That's the old pork?! When's this one from? Not Thanksgiving again? [pulls out a container of white sauce] Stuffed what?!
Darryl: Mushrooms.
Gordon: Smell that! [brings the container to Carchi's nose] Smell it! That's fucking older than me! Smell it! Go on! [brings the container to Darryl's nose]
Michael: That's your sauce, Darryl.
Gordon: What in the fuck is this? [pulls out an old piece of fish] Oh, my God! Is that flounder?
Michael: It's definitely old.
Gordon: "Definitely old"?! It's green! Smell that. [brings the flounder to Diana's nose]
Diana: (interview) It was embarrassing. It was mortifying. He comes in something that is easily identifiable, and no one noticed?
Gordon: [to Michael] Smell it!
Diana: (interview) How is that possible?
[Rose walks in]
Gordon: Oh.
Rose: Hi.
Gordon: Can I just share with you something? Two seconds. Mama Rose, I am absolutely horrified. [picks up the 8 month old molasses jar] That's from Thanksgiving. [picks up the flounder] And that, a slimy, vile, sticky flounder. [picks up the vat of sauce] And a sour disgusting cream sauce. I mean honestly, this restaurant has been run like a pigsty. [to Michael] You may be resistant to change, but what's become very clear is that you're resistant to quality.
Rose: (interview) Michael should've been a boss. To begin with having dishwashers and cook have it done... It should've been done. Always.
Gordon: All of you, come here! Let's go, come here. How can we work like that? You've got ingredients from LAST Thanksgiving! Did you smell the flounder?
Darryl: Yes.
Gordon: Did you see the cooked chicken, the raw pork, the raw veal? It's a joke! You should be ashamed of yourselves. Under no circumstances, can we continue to serve food. Shut the place down!

Mike & Nellie's [5.03][edit]

Luigi's D'Italia [5.04][edit]

Gordon: Wow, it's crazy. How does the family restaurant not run as a family?
Dominica: They don't get along.
Grace: Because he doesn't belong in this restaurant. (to Luigi) Is is true, or no?
Luigi: Yeah. We have laziness, it's like an infection. What happens is, when Tony is here, and Linda's here, they have no understanding that number one is the customer. No sitting around. No looking at the TV.
Gordon: Watching TV when customers come? Is that true?
Tony: I don't -- I don't think that's true.
Grace: Tony, he don't care about the customer. He wants to sit and play the computer.
Tony: I care about this restaurant. Now, honestly...
Grace: No. He play with the computer here, come on!
Luigi: The complaints say the people feel neglected.
Tony: But the complaints, like, "I don't want to come here when she's there!"
Gordon: Customers that don't want to come when you're working? What's that all about?
Grace: I don't know.
Gordon: I was just asking. I'm listening.
Tony: She's got people that she kisses ass, and they love her. She's got other people that gets blunt in her face, and hate her. Is it right to basically go up to the customer and say, "Fuck you! Get the fuck out of here"?
Tony: That's what you said.
Linda: (to Gordon) This is what happens.
Grace: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (to Gordon) You tell, I did it right or did it wrong?
Gordon: I'm just trying to figure out what happened. I mean, I wasn't here. Did she say, "Fuck you"? Did she not say, "Fuck you"?
Tony: I thought she did.
Luigi: She said that to you.
Tony: Oh, yes, she did.
Gordon: What did you hear?
Luigi: She didn't say that. She said that to you! You forget!
Tony: No, no. She got into...
Luigi: Why are you forgetful? YOU GOT TO BE HONEST!
Tony: I'm being honest!
Luigi: You want this guy (Gordon) to help you, or not?
Tony: I'm trying to get him to help me!
Luigi: Then, you got to say what it is!
Tony: I AM!
Luigi: "I think she said, 'Fuck you!'" YOU THINK OR SHE DID?
Luigi: WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE TO TALK?! We are losing the business...
Grace: (points at Tony) BECAUSE OF HIM!!! BECAUSE OF HIM!!!
Tony: (to Gordon) See, that's why we don't get along.

[Gordon is served a fried ravioli]
Gordon: What's inside the ravioli, please?
Joe: Ahh, it's a five-cheese stuffed ravioli.
Gordon: Five cheeses are...?
Joe: Ahh, I am not sure.
Gordon: Wow.
Joe: It's a pre-made ravioli.
Gordon: So not home-made?
Joe: Those are not home-made.
Gordon: If we don't even make them here, it'd be nice to know what's in them
Joe: I'll find out right now for you.
Gordon: Thank you
[Joe walks towards the kitchen]
Tony: How's it going?
Joe: I need to find out what cheeses are in the ravioli.
Tony: What cheeses are in the ravioli?
Joe: Yeah
Tony: [to Luigi] What kind of cheeses are in the breaded ravioli?
Luigi: Read the box
[Joe and Tony read through the ingredient sticker on the box of frozen ravioli and Joe writes them down]
Tony: It's a ricotta cheese. It's a ricotta cheese
[Cut to Gordon tasting the ravioli]
Gordon: Oh, my God. Ugh. Horrible. There's something deep-fried, frozen. Doesn't even taste like cheese. [splits open a ravioli and smells it] Jesus, no.
[Cut back to Joe and Tony reading the box]
Tony: You got whole whey, and you got American grana.
Joe: And a skim cheese?
Tony: Yeah
Joe: Okay, perfect.
Tony: You got it?
Joe: Thank you, yes.
[Cut back to Gordon tasting the ravioli]
Gordon: Yeah, not good.
Joe: Chef Ramsay. I checked on the cheeses for you. Uh, mascarpone.
Gordon: Mascarpone.
Joe: Ricotta.
Gordon: Ricotta.
Joe: Uh, also, American grana. Something called a "cheese wheyian culture blend".
Gordon: Where the fuck is that from in Italy?
Joe: I don't-I have no idea where that's from.
Gordon: Ooh.
Joe: And a skim cheese.
Gordon: [chuckles] Skimmed cheese? In a fried ravioli? What does that mean?
Joe: It's fat-free cheese, dipped in fat.
Gordon: Dipped in fat, yeah [chuckles]. Okay. Thank you.
Joe: Okay.
Gordon: [to himself] Skimmed cheese in a fried ravioli...

Revisited: Gordon Returns 6 [5.05][edit]

Greek at the Harbor [5.06][edit]

Burger Kitchen (Part 1) [5.07][edit]

Gordon: [reads menu] Executive chef... David Blaine?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: What, the magician?
Alan: No, no, no, he's not the magician. He's just coincidentally the same name. He was the head pastry chef at the Peninsula Hotel.
Gordon: Now he's the executive chef of the burger restaurant?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: David Copperfield your dessert chef?
Alan: [flatly] No.
Lena: [in the kitchen] David, he was like "Chef David Blaine, like the magician?"
David: [laughs] Too bad I can't disappear from here.

David: I follow the recipes as I am told by the owners and if I try to change the recipes, I am tossed out of here.
Gordon: What?!
Alan: That's not quite true.
David: It's not true?
Gordon: Come on, guys, man up.
David: [mutters] Been drinking again.
Gordon: Drinking again?
Gen: My husband doesn't drink.
David: I don't know. I don't know. I can't get the truth out of anybody here.
Gordon: Explain this to me, Gen.
Gen: He does have a lot of control in the kitchen.
David: That's not true, chef.
Gen: What about the mushrooms? You changed the whole recipe and you added wine.
David: You didn't want salt on the mushrooms. Let's tell the truth.
Gen: Did you add wine to the mushroom recipe?
David: That's how you make sautéed mushrooms.
Gen: I just asked you a question. Did you add wine?
David: Yes, ma'am.
Gen: You didn't tell anyone that you added wine to the mushrooms.
Alan: Honey, you're missing the point. You're focusing on a mushroom.
Gen: Mushrooms are important to me. I'm from Poland.
[Gordon shakes his head in disbelief]
David: I think a lot of the problem is, instead of putting sugar in that coffee, put a little Prozac in it.
Gen: David, I just want the truth.
David: This is the truth: I would be better off as a brain surgeon than you running this restaurant.

David: That Gen is a liar, dude. She can't tell the truth.
Jalapeno: She's crazy.
David: The whole place should be on fucking LSD, man.

[Gordon returns to the restaurant after having challenged David to cook his own burger and finds Alan and Gen at a table with a plate containing only a beef patty topped with a slice of cheese]
Gordon: I know you're eating lunch. Don't worry. Please.
Alan: I just made a burger. My own ingredients.
Gordon: Your own ingredients?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: Wow. So it's not on the menu?
Alan: No. You wanna try it? (interview) Some people have called me a meat sculptor or a meat creator. A lot of different celebrities have eaten my food and said it was fantastic. Yes.
Gordon: What's in there?
Alan: You'll see.
Gordon: Yeah.
Alan: Try it.
Gordon: I can see the blood, but what's in there?
Alan: It's the wagyu mix but what I've done is I've added certain spices and made a cheeseburger. I don't like a bun.
David: (interview) Alan, you're not a meat expert. You don't know a thing about meat. [Gordon tastes Alan's burger] The only thing you know how to do is sit on the computer there and change menus. That's what you do.
Gordon: And you made this?
Alan: Yes.
Gen: It's amazing. [smiles]
Gordon: That is hideous. At least it's seasoned. [points to David] This is the burger I'm dying for. David, please. Presentation, ah? It looks great.
David: Thank you, chef.
Gordon: Explain please.
David: I used a smoked gruyere with grilled tomato, spring mix with a mustard aioli and a jumbo pickle homemade.
Gordon: What I had earlier, this looks night and day. [cuts the burger] Wow, okay. Look at that. Bloody hell, that's what I call a burger. Jesus. And how does it taste? [eats the burger; Gen's eyes twitch] It's delicious. [Gen frowns]
David: Thank you, chef.
Gordon: Temperature's perfect, and the roll is crispy.
David: Yes, chef.
Gordon: [to Gen] Would you like to have a little taste?
Gen: I'd love to. [tastes the burger then coughs. David looks shocked] What is that strong taste that I'm tasting?
Gordon: Gruyere cheese, and it's smoked right?
David: Yes.
Gordon: Yeah, I love it.
Gen: Does that go through the meat? I taste something stronger in there like a dry-aged or something beef, but I do like my meat red in it. I am a medium-rare girl.
Alan: Problem is that's not medium rare, as it should be.
Gordon: It may be medium, but I can tell you what, it's bloody juicy. That is delicious.
David: Thank you, chef.
Gordon: Yeah, I'd give that 9/10. [Gen frowns] Love that title there by the way, "Redemption Burger", and you certainly did that.
David: (interview) Suck on this burger, Gen. And you too, Alan.

Narrator: While Chef Ramsay has observed many difficult situations over the years...
Narrator: ...tonight's dinner service might just be the craziest he has ever seen.
David: Give me my check right now [Gen tries to protest] and post-date it for tomorrow. I'm not playing, I want it [claps his hands]
Gen: David, I will write you a check-
Alan: David, please stop yelling.
David: Okay, just give me my check.
Gen: Please stop saying-please stop saying I'm on Prozac-
Alan: [ushers Gen away] Go and write THE CHECK!
Gen: (interview) I'm not on anything! He's the one that needs this so-called Prozac. I don't even know what it does!
Daniel: What do we- what do we owe you? What do we owe you?
David: $1,000.
Daniel: $1,000?!
David: Just pay it up.
Alan: What is your problem when Danny-Gen had nothing to do with that.
David: Oh, come on. She is the problem.
Alan: Danny fired you.
David: It doesn't matter if God fired me; she's the problem...
Alan: Danny fired you, not me.
David: The problem in this restaurant, my God, is that lady, Alan.
Alan: How can you blame her for something that Danny did?
David: I'm not blaming her, I'm just telling her she needs Prozac, I'm telling her the truth.
Alan: (interview) To say that she needs Prozac or anything like that, that's below the belt and it's disgusting and I've lost all respect for him.
[In the office]
Gen: I'm not on Prozac!
Gordon: Who cares if you're on fucking Prozac, don't worry about that.
Daniel: Write the check for $1,000...
Gen: And you're gonna put the money in tomorrow for us? [Daniel protests]
Gordon: How the fuck can he put the money in?
Wendy: No! I don't think so!
Gen: Wendy, Wendy, please don't get involved right now.
Wendy: (interview; teary-eyed) These people will never respect him. I'm just over Gen and Alan taking money. They're just fucked-up people.
[As Gen is about to give the check to David, Wendy takes it from her and returns to the office]
Wendy: You can't do that. You don't have the money in there. I'm sorry.
Gordon: Jesus Christ, what?
[Alan approaches Wendy in the office]
Wendy: No, it has to be legitimate. Danny's not giving you any more money. He's already given you too much and I'm sorry, that's pissing me off.
Alan: It's not YOUR CHOICE!
Gen: Alan, please don't yell at a girl.
Wendy: I love it.
Gen: Alan, please don't yell at a girl.
Wendy: I love it.
Gen: [ushers Alan out of the office] Please go out, you're too sick.
Wendy: "It's not your choice". It's not Danny's choice either.
Gen: Please go out, it's okay.
Wendy: It's not Danny's choice either.
Gen: Alright. Wendy.. [ushers Alan away] not tonight...
Wendy: This is not a legitimate time part either.
Gen: ...and she's a young lady, please don't yell at her.
[Wendy flips off Gen and Alan and closes the office door as they leave]
Gen: [gives David his final paycheck] Alright. Thank you, David.
David: Thank you, ma'am.
Gen: And David, for the record: I'm not on Prozac, dear.
David: Oh, and for the record: YOU SHOULD BE! [walks out; Gordon and Alan watch while Gordon holds back a smile] Fuckin' meth-heads.
Gordon: [to Alan] What a joke. Honestly.

Burger Kitchen (Part 2) [5.08][edit]

Michon's [5.09][edit]

El Greco [5.10][edit]

[Gordon walks outside the restaurant after seeing all the food being microwaved]
Gordon: This is incredible. The minute you walk into a restaurant with an open kitchen and all the chefs are facing out as opposed to standing in front of the stove, get out. That's what's happening here. Unbelievable.

[After sampling the lamb shank]
Gordon: Now there's a very anaemic-looking lamb shank. Look at the presentation. It's depressing. Almost like it's been in the microwave for an hour. Surely, they wouldn't microwave a lamb shank. I'm a little bit nervous at how grey the meat is. That is way too salty and badly balanced. (to Dustin) Dustin, I mean... it's so salty. Who cooked that, Dustin?
Dustin: That's Chef Mike.
Gordon: Chef who?
Dustin: Chef Mike. ...It's a microwave.
Gordon: I thought it was a third chef!
Dustin: It kind of is. He does a lot of work in the kitchen.
Gordon: Oh.
Dustin: [to audience] We use Chef Mike a lot. Whenever there's lights on in this restaurant, Chef Mike's working. He's a dedicated employee.

[Gordon goes to confront Jake about the kitchen’s constant microwaving of food]
Gordon: Greek restaurant? More like a Greek tragedy.
Jake: (interview) It pisses me off. What I think about my food is, it's healthy, it's fresh, it's—it's good. It's damn good.
Gordon: Yeah, reheated microwave food.
Jake: Listen, it's not microwave food. I mean, how else am I going to reheat it? You're breaking my balls about getting—reheating it in a microwave.
Gordon: [points to one of the chefs] He's been cooking 14 years. There's a whole stove there; it’s not even being used! And this guy (Chef Mike) is like this... [opens and closes microwave door three times] Come on, Jake! Fuck me.
Jake: (interview) I don't use the word “microwave.” I'm not cooking it in the microwave. I'm reheating it in the microwave. Big difference. There's a big difference. (normal) I don't think it compromises the food, reheating it that way, but I mean—
Gordon: Say that again? You don't think it compromises the food?
Jake: I don't think so.
Gordon: Oh, my God!
Athena: Oh, they’re gonna have a big fight. Oh, my God. [begins praying] Please, God.
Gordon: It doesn't compromise the standard of food?
Jake: No.
Gordon: Wow.
Jake: Yeah, you fuck off. How's that? There we go. Go. Get out of my line.
Gordon: Jake.
Jake: Yeah.
Gordon: Jake.
Jake: I gotta—look, I'm trying to put out food...
Gordon: Yeah, Jake. Let me tell you something.
Jake: ...I'm not here to talk about—
Gordon: Take your head out of your arse and just start acting like a man and start taking responsibility for something, will you?
Jake: I am taking responsibility for it.
Gordon: You are? And you think it's smart, telling me to fuck off?
Jake: I don’t want to fu—I don't want to fuck around.
Gordon: So how about showing a little bit of respect for what you're doing?
Jake: Go. Get off my line and let me do my job. Get out of here.
Gordon: Jake... Jake, I'll go, with pleasure.

[massive argument in the kitchen; all of Kiki’s dialogue is in Greek]
Gordon: The atmosphere in here is horrific. What's going on?
Jake: I don't wanna be in here with these two. I really don't. Every time I walk in here, they look for something to complain at me, and then they both gang up on me. And I don't need you to—fucking—me coming in here and you guys yapping and yapping and yapping. I don't wanna hear that shit in the morning.
Kiki: What’s he saying? What’s he saying?
Athena: He says we constantly complain.
Kiki: If we did things right, would we complain? If we did things right and he was worth something, would we complain?
Athena: No.
Jake: Yeah, whatever.
Gordon: Why is she so upset?
Kiki: Jake is a big idiot that sleeps until 5pm!
Gordon: What was that bit?
Kiki: Tell him.
Jake: They say I don't come down on time.
Athena: No, you never do.
Jake: I don't.
Athena: You never do.
Jake: This is the reason.
Athena: No!
Jake: All you do is yell and nag, Athena.
Athena: You creating that!
Jake: No, I don't create it.
Athena: Yes.
Jake: Athena, who the hell wants to come down early in the morning and listen to people yelling at them?
Athena: I don't know what else I gonna do while I'm up to here with that. I get very upset!
Jake: That's what I gotta put up with every morning.
Athena: He doesn't give a damn...
Gordon: He must give a damn; come on. He can't be that cold-hearted.
Jake: Yeah...
Athena: He is cold-hearted.
Jake: ...and sometimes I don't. I mean, I don't wanna deal with this.
Athena: He is cold-hearted.
Jake: If you put up with this shit for two years, you're not gonna give a damn about it either. You won't!
Gordon: They're not your friends; it’s your mum! And your aunt!
Jake: Yeah.
Athena: He doesn't give a damn about that.
Jake: No, but... Why I should I give a damn when you're swearing at me? You're cursing me, you're calling me names all day long?
Kiki: You donkey, you dirty bastard.
Jake: (Greek) Yeah, dirty bastard.
Kiki: Yes.
Jake: (Greek) Yes.
Kiki: Liar... Lazy bastard.
Jake: This is what I gotta put up with every fucking morning.
Kiki: All this is because of your laziness.
Jake: Every morning. You know what?
Kiki: All this is because of your laziness!
Jake: You don't need to be here. You and her do not need to be here! I don't need this fucking stress!
Kiki: Shame on you, you ass. What do you do here?
Athena: (Greek) Calm down.
Kiki: What do you do here? What do you know how to cook?
Jake: (Greek) What do I do here? All I do is listen to your bullshit!
Kiki: I can’t stand him. Only for her debt do I stay, just for her. I’m up to here! Why does your mother keep you here? You’re an animal! Donkey!
Jake: Oh, please.
Kiki: Get lost! Smelly bastard, go to Hell! 41 years old and your Mom feeds you. You should be ashamed!
Athena: (Greek) Kiki, please.
Kiki: And you, shut up! You have spoiled him! You’ve made him into an ass!
Jake: You two need to just go home.
Kiki: Why are you scared to talk back to him?
Jake: Go home.
Kiki: You made him into a donkey! The only way this restaurant will be fixed is if this guy leaves!
Jake: No, I'd be better off with both of you staying home and let me do what I need to fucking do.
Athena: Then do it!
Jake: I will! Don't fucking come to work! You and her, leave!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 7 [5.11][edit]

Park's Edge [5.12][edit]

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: [showing moldy lemons] Look what's in the box. Who turns the produce over? Who rotates the freshness?
Jorge: That's my staff.
Gordon: Really? [tosses the lemons away] Fuck me! Seriously?
Jorge: Why throw my lemons like that for? Why are you taking my product and throwing it away?
Gordon: THEY'RE MOULDY, YOU PILLOCK! Do you want to see some more? Stay there! Chicken. [smells the chicken] Fucking hell! Look at this. What's this for? [Shows dehydrated potatoes] When were those made?
Jorge: Those were made today. Those are not going to be served to the public.
Gordon: They're not going to be served to the public.
Jorge: I'm telling you that I'm not going to serve those!
Gordon: So you're saving them for what? Talk to me then.
Jorge: Those were from this morning.
Jorge: You're the little fucker! I'm telling you, those were made today.
Gordon: Oh, right!
Jorge: If you don't fucking believe me, that's your responsibility.
Gordon: Okay, so, you're lying through your teeth!
Jorge: I am not lying through my teeth.
Gordon: Yes, you are! You can't even tell me the truth. Do you know why? Because you don't know and you're a fucking joke!
Jorge: [throws the potatoes away] You're a joke too, man!
Gordon: Are you going to walk off then?
Jorge: All you're doing is hammering it!
Gordon: Do you know what? What upsets me more than anything is that you don't realise you're playing at running a restaurant. And the minute you start looking at yourself in the mirror and stop blaming the people around you, the quicker you may get this place turned around. Got it? Good! Fucking joke!

[During prep for relaunch night]
Jorge: Okay, so you do the frying station.
Matt: I will not absolutely cook a chicken wing.
Jorge: What's that?
Matt: I don't feel comfortable frying a chicken wing.
Jorge: Why not?
Matt: Unless she [Andi] wants to put on a pair of orange shorts and go out there serve it.
Jorge: They're here to train us, okay. Are you going to turn around and give them a hard time? Check yourself before you check them out, okay? Not going to ask you again. (interview) He has this huge ego about frying chicken which is really irrelevant. He's here to do what I tell him to do, not what he wants to do.
[Jorge and Richard bring Matt outside to talk with Gordon]
Gordon: What's going on?
Matt: You put a bunch of fucking chicken wings on the menu and I think somebody ought to fucking put on some orange shorts out there and serve it.
Gordon: Okay, so how about a little bit of respect and showing these two guys?
Matt: Well how about a little fucking respect a fine dining restaurant and not put fucking chicken wings on the menu?
Gordon: A fine dining restaurant?
Jorge: Are you fucking listening to us?
Gordon: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Matt: Who do you think I am? A guy who knows when a menu sucks!
Gordon: How dare you get jumped up and tell the owners that the menu's shit because you think you know better? Well, why aren't you doing better? Why haven't you got your own restaurant? How about having the intelligence to calm down and to start again?
Jorge: Is that possible? Yes or no?
Matt: It's possible.
Richard: Will you do it? Yes or no?
Matt: Yes.
Richard: Thank you.

[During dinner service for relaunch night]
Matt: This is fucking ridiculous!
Gordon: Come on, Matt. I know you hate the wings but just serve them please. Hate me, don't hate the wings.
Matt: You got your orange shorts? Orange shorts!
Gordon: Cut the shit till the end of service. Okay big boy?
Matt: Come on!
Gordon: Hey you, why do you want to fuck around and take the piss? Let me tell you something really important.
Matt: What's that?
Gordon: Yeah. I've fucking forgotten more than you know. Just serve the food and shut the fuck up, smart-arse!
Jorge: Matt, what is the big deal?
Matt: I'm trying to have a good time.
Jorge: You're not having a good time, you're making life tough.
Matt: I'm having a good time.
Gordon: Why is he acting like that?
Melanie: Because he's a jackass. (interview) Matt is beyond the weakest link. You're here to do a job, do it!
Matt: Pork belly's in the window.
Gordon: Matt, that's overcooked. I know you don't care but I do. And you're supposed to be working hard tonight to get this place turned around. Why are you now trying to sabotage it? Mr Shitter who thinks he can't fucking cook a chicken wing! Can't even drop a piece of pork belly in the fryer. Look at it, dry, piece of overcooked pork belly! You're going to start sending us down.
Jorge: Matt, you're seriously want to fuck me over right now?
Matt: No.
Jorge: Why are you being a piece of shit with me?
Richard: (interview) I don't know if there's something wrong with Matt or not. I'm not a violent man by any means, but if he fucks it up for me tonight, I will something.

[after Matt sends a stone cold pork belly]
Jorge: Matt, why are you fucking up service tonight? You're making me look like shit.
Matt: Chill out with the fucking drama.
Jorge: What did you say?
Matt: Chill out with the drama!
Jorge: Get out of here! Right now! Get the fuck out, right now! You know what? That's it. (shoves Matt) Get out of here!
Matt: Alright, fine. That's cool if you're going to be serious like that. (leaves)
Richard: Matt, see you!

Spin A Yarn [5.13][edit]

Gordon: Look at that sign. What is that; a big capital "S". Let's hope that doesn't stand for "Shit"!

Charlie's [5.14][edit]

Gordon: [to Tatiana about bad meatballs] What's your complaint about the meatballs?
Tatiana: He said it was toasted on one side, not toasted on the other.
Gordon: Really? How about telling your fucking chef?!
Casimiro: [to Gordon in Spanish] Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: Now he's getting upset with me because I called him out. When a guy can't make a meatball or even season one, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And then when I watch a chef that cooks and sticks food up there and holds it, and we're not talking homemade food, we're talking bought-in, store-bought. My God, it hurts.
Casimiro: [to Gordon in Spanish] Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: And look at that for a stinking attitude! Look at that! A disgusting attitude! Ask him to put his house in the fucking mix. If his house was on the line, he wouldn't be cooking like a fucking idiot! [Casimiro laughs] Now he thinks it's funny!
Tatiana: What the fuck are we going to do?
Gordon: You think it's funny? Yeah? It's a joke!
Tatiana: [to Casimiro in Spanish] ¿Vas a cocinar? ["Are you going to cook?"]
Casimiro: No.
Gordon: What does he want to do?
Tatiana: He doesn’t want to cook.
Gordon: He don’t want to cook? [walks out] Get your head out of your arse.

Gordon: When a chef outlasts two owners already, trust me, there something's not quite right...

Tatiana: Necesitamos hablar. ["We need to talk"]
Casimiro: Si, dimelo. ¿Que pasa, niña? ["Yeah, talk to me. What happened, my child?"]
Tatiana: Casimiro, yo pienso que los dos de usted necesitáis ir. ¿Esto me duele mucho, ok? ["Casimiro, I think the two of you need to go. This hurts me a lot, ok?"]
Casimiro: Ok.
Tatiana: Lo siento mucho. Lo siento mucho, Casimiro. ["I'm very sorry, I'm very sorry, Casimiro"]
Casimiro: Ok...
Tatiana: [while trying to hug him] Sorry, sorry...
Casimiro: No, no, no... lo sabía... lo sabía. ["I knew it"]
Casimiro: [while walking out] Ciao, guys!

Cafe Hon [5.15][edit]

Gordon: [Looking for the restaurant] Restaurant with flamingo. [Stops in surprise as he sees a giant pink flamingo above the restaurant] Holy Mackerel. Look at the size of that thing. Wow. Are you serious? Look at that. Wow, wow, wow!

[After dinner service chef Greg sitting out back as Chef Ramsay comes out as well]

Gordon: Oh, Jesus. Uh, what the fuck was that all about?
Greg: It's a shit job.
Gordon: Honestly?
Greg: Yeah.
Gordon: (Shakes head) And is she always like that?
Greg: Yes.
Gordon: How do you concentrate like that?
Greg: You can't. I mean, you really can't!
Gordon: Why would she 86 everything in the middle of service?
Greg: I cannot tell you.

Chiarella's [5.16][edit]

Zocalo [5.17][edit]

Season 6[edit]

La Galleria 33 (Part 1) [6.01][edit]

[Gordon calls out Pat]
Gordon: Sir? You got two seconds? [Pat begins walking to Gordon]
Rita: [aside; to Sara] I'm so afraid right now.
Sara: Why?
Rita: 'Cause I know what's coming next.
Gordon: [to Pat] What's your first name?
Pat: Pat.
Gordon: Pat.
Pat: This for me is a new journey in life because I've always been a shoe salesman.
Gordon: Seriously? [looks down at Pat's shoes]
Pat: Not a men's shoe salesman.
Gordon: Ah, ohhh. Sorry.
Pat: Women's exclusively.
Gordon: So you're not a cobbler.
Pat: No.
Gordon: Oh. I was gonna say.
[Rita goes to call Lisa]
Rita: Lisa?
Lisa: [to a diner] Right.
Rita: It's Pat. It's Pat...
Lisa: I don't really.. even wanna deal with that.
Gordon: [to Pat] How would you rate the food?
Pat: Umm. The only issue is I cannot eat Italian food because I'm gluten intolerant.
Gordon: So, what are you here?
Pat: I'm a combination of everything. I'm like, manager slash...
Gordon: Oh so you're the manager here.
Pat: Everything else.
Gordon: Shit.
Pat: Slash everything else
Gordon: I didn't know that. So you're the manager.. of Galleria.
Pat: Galleria
Gordon: General manager/shoe salesman...
Pat: I'm also a host.
Gordon: You're a host?
Pat: And I'm a busperson. I do it all.
Gordon: Wow. Uhh Rita?
Rita: Yes?
Gordon: Is Pat serious? General manager...
Rita: He is the busboy.
Gordon: [to Pat] You're not the general manager?
Pat: I just assumed that role
Gordon: Oh you assumed the role. Ohh shit you just assigned that role to yourself.
Pat: I just assigned that role to myself
Gordon: Ohhh, fuck me. Wow. [Rita shakes her head and Pat laughs]
Rita: I'm sweating. I'm sweating.
Gordon: You're sweating?
Rita: Yes.
Gordon: I'm shitting myself
Rita: I'm also shitting myself.
Gordon: Who is he?
Rita: He is the busman and I fired him and let me explain to you what he-
Gordon: Ohhh, hold on, hold on. You fired him?
Rita: I fired him.
Gordon: What did you fire him for?
Rita: Because he told me that he was more important than me and he got me on a bad day and I got upset and I fired him
Gordon: Serious?
Rita: So you what he did? He got an umbrella 'cause it was raining that day. He got an umbrella and he would walk by and look in like a very sad puppy and I'm like "this poor guy", so I took him back. I took him back and now I just let him tell himself he's the manager (interview) For every thing that Pat does right, he does five things wrong. [to Pat] Go now, go. Ohh my, God.
Gordon: Thank you, Pat.
Rita: (interview) He's so fucking crazy that it's like, "is it really worth even having him here?". He's... But it is, I love Pat. Pat's good.

La Galleria 33 (Part 2) [6.02][edit]

Mama Maria's [6.03][edit]

Ms. Jean's Southern Cuisine [6.04][edit]

[Gordon has been served a pork chop so dry that he sets it upright on the plate]
Gordon: How sad is that? Honestly, come on. that? It's like the map of America. [points around the pork chop] Start on the East Coast. There's California, where that little dark spot is. Come to central, Midwest. Then we have Seattle. We're here. [points] Pittsburgh. God bless America. [swats at a fly] Fuck off, fly.

Barefoot Bob's [6.05][edit]

[Showing Marc and sous chef Chris the freezer and what he found in there]
Gordon: Look. [Showing bag of pork belly that's raw]
Chris: Oh what, that is pork fat.
Gordon: Just hold that two seconds; that's next to this: [Pulls out container of chicken wings not frozen] Fucking wings, and the top is soaking wet because it's fucking full of condensation! And this! [Pulls container out] Who grabs that out there and doesn't think about changing the bowl. Who could be that dirty? Chili?
Chris: Chili.
Gordon: Shit around the outside. LOOK AT THE MESS OF THIS PLACE! It's fucking ridiculous! SOMEONE FUCKING MAN UP! [Stares at Chris who is petrified] Young man, you are running a business! Whole wings, next to the fucking raw pork? You'll kill everybody!

Revisited #8 [6.06][edit]

Olde Hitching Post [6.07][edit]

Narrator: With Chef Ramsay hearing enough of the customer complaints, he decides he needs to further investigate the practices of the kitchen.
[Gordon opens up the bag of scallops]
Gordon: Dan?
Dan: Yes, sir?
Gordon: Do you buy them like that, in milk?
Dan: No, we don't buy them like that.
Gordon: Why are they like this? They're watery.
Dan: Because, unfortunately, they are frozen ones. I know. Sorry.
Gordon: Tom. I mean, honestly? Why are you doing this to yourself?
Tom: Those were what they were.
Gordon: Why are you doing this? [Smells his fingers] Just smell inside there. [Smells scallops in the the bag] Come on. Just smell inside there.
Tom: [Smells the scallops] Smells beautiful. Ocean fresh.
Gordon: "It smells beautiful, ocean fresh?" [Shakes his head] Kevin, can you get me Andrea, please?
Kevin: Andrea! Help back, please?
Andrea: Are you kidding me right now?
Gordon: So, Andrea, come 'round, please. You got two seconds? The scallops we're serving? They're frozen ones. [Points to Tom] He's in denial!
Tom: I have to talk to you.
Andrea: (under) Relax, Dad.
Tom: (over) No, no no. I need to talk to you.
Andrea: Just talk.
Tom: There's nothing wrong. I eat myself. If you pick up this bag, I pick 'em up myself this morning. If you take this bag, they've been in the freezer for one day, or twenty-four hours, and pick up this one, you're gonna find the same seafood product.
Gordon: I disagree.
Tom: Go ahead and smell this one and smell that one. Tell me what the difference is.
Gordon: You're trying to convince me that serving frozen food is better than fresh.
Tom: It's not frozen!
Gordon: They were in the fucking freezer. You buy them in the bulk fresh, you put them in the bags, you weigh them out...
Tom: Yes.
Gordon: ...and you freeze them.
Tom: Yes, I do.
Gordon: And in the morning, you take out ten bags, you let them defrost, they sit in that piss like that, and then you cook them.
Tom: Yes, I do that.
Gordon: Right.
Tom: But you will criticize me. The milk and the smell. It don't smell any different that one from this one. And I say they smell like ocean fresh, and they do!
Gordon: So they smell the same once they've been frozen?
Tom: It depends if you got 'em for one year in the freezer or one day. [Gordon looks in disgust] All right, all right.
Gordon: You haven't got a clue what you're talking about! They smell fresher once they're defrosted? Shit! You're fucking loopy! They smell fresher after they've been frozen?! Oh, come on!
Tom: Anybody's in the restaurant business...
Gordon: What?!
Tom: matter who he is.
Gordon: Rule number one: when studying to be a chef, fresh food doesn't smell or taste fucking better once it's frozen! Shellfish is something you never freeze! And now, here you are lecturing me that that fucking thing is fresh!
Tom: No! [Pounds the table]
(After the commercial break)
Tom: It doesn't matter if it's frozen or not!
Gordon: It doesn't matter if it's frozen or not?
Tom: No!
Gordon: You're trying to convince me that this idiotic setup is acceptable. Do you honestly think that your customers would be happy to pay for frozen shit being defrosted rapidly? They are under the impression in your fucking dining room that what you're cooking them is fresh! So, you're not going to convince me that this is better than serving it fresh! (To Andrea) What I've just said, does that make any sense?
Andrea: Yes, it does.
Gordon: It does? Thank God you're not as stubborn as your dad!
Tom: (interview) If you don't like my food, don't even talk to me. I don't want you.

Levanti's Italian Restaurant [6.08][edit]

[Ramsay is inspecting the kitchen during dinner service, and has pulled out rotten chicken]

Gordon: Dino? Urgently. That's the chicken we've been serving all night, yes? Why is it standing on that? Look how slimy it is!
Dino: How old is that?
Gordon: [smells the chicken] Oh, my God! Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! Tony, two seconds? Tina, you're part of this. [Tony and Tina approaches] What. In. The. Fuck. Are we doing? How old is that?
Dino: I don't know.
Gordon: Look at the colour of the chicken. Green, and stinking. Hold that. [gets the fish] What is that?
Tina: Cod.
Gordon: In what?! We're serving that! [Tony is flabbergasted, Tina hangs her head, and tries to walk out] Excuse me? [gets a container of sauce from the refrigerator] Look at the way we work. [gets a pack of wilted basil] What is this? Anybody? [empties pack of the basil onto a tray]
Tony: I have no idea.
Gordon: You've got no idea? [gets another container of sauce from the refrigerator] And this? How old is this? [takes plastic wrap off container] Oh, my God! You disgusting pigs! Look. At. That! Yeah, it's fermented. Just smell that. [Tony and Dino smell the sauce] (to Tina) Come on, please. You own it. [Ramsay makes Tina take a waft of the sauce] Ladies? [servers smell the sauce] We've been serving that. See the mould around the side?
Sam: I thought that was basil. Oh, my God!
Gordon: No, that's not basil. I wished it was fucking basil. How long does a sauce sit in the fridge to get mouldy around the top?
Tina: Quite a long time.
Tony: (testimonial) I didn't expect to see all of this. They're not doing the job they're supposed to be doing. And these guys, they're going to have a rough time now.
Gordon: Does the town of Beaver deserve [points to the moldy sauce] this?
Dino: Absolutely not.
Gordon: You should be ashamed. Ashamed! (to the Fratangeli siblings) Now, walk out there, and apologise to your guests, and try to do something you've never done in 14 years: fucking work together! [turns back on them]
Tina: I'm not going out there. [the siblings and the chefs leave the kitchen; Tina walks out of the restaurant, leaving Dino to speak]
Dino: (to the customers) Excuse me. We appreciate you guys coming out here and trying our restaurant tonight, but we won't be having any more service; Chef Ramsay has shut us down for the evening. Thank you.
Gordon: (overhears Dino's announcement from behind the kitchen) Fucking hell! Oh, God! God! [confronts Dino, who has returned to the kitchen] Dino, you're telling them that I'm shutting it down?
Dino: I was just--
Gordon: I heard you. I was standing behind the door. Chef Ramsay did not shut this down! I stopped the owners from serving shit food. But I am not going to continue that! Because you don't realise right now, young man, how bad you've become! So I'm not shutting it down; I'm just stopping you looking more stupid. [points to the moldy sauce] Did you honestly want to continue serving? So you want to continue? [Dino does not answer] You want to continue serving? [walks out to the dining room] Ladies and gentlemen, could I just have your attention for 30 seconds? First of all, my apologies, but I'm not going to BS anybody. I am not shutting this restaurant down, I am stopping the owners from serving this disgusting mess! From chicken that's already slimed, off, gone, to disgusting basil that was never fresh, to a tomato sauce that's actually caked in mould. I am not going to sit here and play party to that.
Tony: Oh, my God. I'm embarrassed.
Gordon: And whilst I am totally appreciative for you leaving your homes to come here tonight for dinner, I've got too much respect for you and too much respect for the industry. I am not going to be part of this any longer. My sincere apologies. [walks to the door and bumps into it, not realizing it's a pull door] Fucking door!

Sam's Mediterranean Kabob Room [6.09][edit]

[after Gordon returns his gyro]

Jamal: You guys didn't cook the gyro right. Rubbery as it was.
Emad: Shut the fuck up! You're stupid!

[as Gordon was served overcooked lamb shank, the Najjar brothers were arguing within the diners' earshot]

Jamal: You guys can't do your job right!
Emad: Why don't you shut the fuck up!?
Sam: Hey!
Emad: What!?
Sam: I don't want to hear any shouting in the kitchen!
Emad: Why don't you tell him to shut up?
Sam: Yeah. You too.

[back at the dining room]

Gordon: It looks anaemic, the colour's dreadful, and it tastes just like bland, boiled lamb.

[at the kitchen, the brothers are still arguing]

Jamal: You shouldn't be giving out garbage food. Are you serious?
Samer: You take over!
Emad: Why don't you take over!?
Jamal: I should!
Emad: Then do it!
Jamal: If you don't want it, then get out!
Emad: Do it!
Jamal: If you don't want it, then get out!
Emad: You're stupid!

[at the dining room, the customers can hear arguing]

Gordon: (to Leina) Do me a favour, send that back to fucking New Zealand.
Leina: Okay.
Gordon: (overhearing Jamal, Emad, and Samer arguing) What's going on there?
Leina: They've been arguing, because he's (Jamal) telling him (Emad) that he doesn't know how to cook.

[the brothers are still arguing as Ramsay speaks]

Emad: Idiot, dude. Just go back to the front.
Jamal: Horrible. Horrible.
Emad: Who cares about his opinion?
Leina: He says that the lamb, it just tasted like it was boiled in water. And he said, "Send this back to New Zealand."
Sam: (testimonial) He tried it and he said, "There is no flavor in it!" But I believed myself I make the best lamb shank here in California. (back at the kitchen) I don't really know what to do. (waves a pan at Emad as if wanting to hit him with it)
Jamal: What were you doing again? Oh, yeah. Cook your food wrong.
Wesam: Nobody's talking to you! Stay back there!

Leina: Chef Ramsay wants to see everybody, outside.

(the Najjar brothers goes out of the kitchen to the dining room)

Gordon: Before I start talking about the dishes, what was the fighting going on there?
Wesam: He just like to come back and argue pretty much about nothing.
Jamal: Actually, when we get a complaint, I tell them what's going on, and they can't take criticism.
Samer: No, that's not it.
Jamal: Let me talk!
Samer: You're making it seem that you're better than everything!
Jamal: (to Samer) So why are you still talking when I'm talking!? (to Gordon) If I come back there and let them know, "Hey, this is dry", "Hey, the hummus is messed up"--
Wesam: No, we really accept that. But the fact that you come over there and, "Hey, you guys can't cook. You guys are shit"--
Jamal: I didn't say that!

(the brothers continuing to argue)

Leina: Okay, okay!
Sam: That's what I have everyday.
Gordon: Can I start talking about my lunch? The "combo plate": eggplants, out of the can; hummus, bland; falafel, bland. Sam, you recommended lamb shank, but the bones were disintegrating. When the bones start disintegrating, that's three hours over-cooked.
Sam: I don't know what to tell you.
Gordon: Have you given up?
Sam: Not yet.
Gordon: Top sirloin: it was miles away from medium rare.
Jamal: Umm! (condescendingly points lips at Emad)
Emad: What are you "umm"-ing about? Shut up!
Jamal: Okay, no, no.
Emad: I have nothing to do about --
Leina: Okay, okay.
Gordon: What's wrong?
Emad: He's (points at Jamal) making a scene like it's all my fault. He said, "Umm, umm" (mimics Jamal's condescension) like I'm doing something wrong.
Jamal: Yeah, who's been messing up all day before you walked in? So you know who's here, can't you just, like, step up?
Emad: You should have stepped up!
Jamal: I'm telling you guys what's wrong --
Randah: Okay. He (Jamal) wasn't in that position that day, so stop putting the blame on him. You guys (points at Emad, Wesam, and Samer) were cooking.
Jamal: Who cooked his (Ramsay's) food?
Wesam: You were criticizing us all day!
Randah: Even if he was criticizing, you guys cooked the food!
Jamal: You guys were giving messed-up food. That's what happened, right? Then try it! Then tell me what you think.
Gordon: I've never seen anything like this. (to Emad) Have you given up?
Emad: (nods) Kind of.
Gordon: "Kind of." Do you care?
Emad: Not really.
Gordon: It shows you don't care.

Nino's Italian Restaurant [6.10][edit]

Gordon: Nino, the restaurant's named after you. What's your role?
Nino: The person that has always been in charge was my dad. [Michael nods] And then when he developed his Alzheimer's, I stepped up in this business.
Gordon: Wow. What do you mean?
Nino: I get here early, I do the remedial things as janitorial vaccuming, [Michael shakes his head] cleaning of all these plates, cleaning the restrooms, scrubbing the toilets, [Carina shakes her head] washing the patio. That's just from 8 to about 4 maybe. Weekends usually I come in for extensive cleaning.
Gordon: Sounds like you do a lot of cleaning.
Carina: Cleaning? What are you talking about? The restaurant is a mess. [Michael laughs]
Gordon: Take away the cleaning, what else do you do? [Nino doesn't respond]

Michael: He spends a lot of time sitting down with customers. I mean not just visiting/promoting the business. Sitting down and talking for long periods of time, in the middle of lunch. And he's the only restaurant manager I think you would find anywhere, that has lunch at lunchtime. He spends a lot of time in the office watching TV
Nino: This is not even true. He's not here at 8 in the morning when I get here. Why would I come here at 8 in the morning-
Michael: That's a fantasy; watch TV!
Nino: The television here is 40 years old, and I have high def at home with all the channels I need. Why wouldn't I just stay there-
Michael: So you tell everyone you're working, 'cause nobody's here, you can say whatever you're doing, right? Stretching the truth!
Nino: It is not! My brother never tells the truth
Michael: Aha, I mean from a pathological liar, I take that as a compliment
Nino: He thinks I'm some kind of nut because I'm in a recovery program.
Michael: It has nothing to do with that, you're just a liar!
Nino: He thinks we're all living in a fantasy world according to him
Michael: No! I think you're in a fantasy world by the way you act here. My honest feeling is that he doesn't do crap here. He does a lot of sit[Nino tries to protest]-I'm talking. He makes everybody believe he does crap. Just like last night, he went up to every table and said, "Hello, my name's Ninoooo!"
Nino: That's not true.
Michael: Nino, please! Couldn't you let me talk, Mr. Always-talking? I see it all the time, and that's why I kind of stay back from here, because I love this damn restaurant. And to see it just being run down To my opinion, he doesn't do crap. My mom will admit it. My dad will admit it, my sister will admit it, but I will come out and say it passionately: doesn't do crap.

Gordon: You are in denial.
Nino: No! I'm not.
Gordon: Bullshitting me and blowing smoke up my arse, telling me you work in there eight hours a day cleaning, telling me the food is great, people love it. I am shitting myself. The chef--
Nino: Then you need to wear diapers. You shouldn't be shitting on yourself.
Gordon: Are you okay?
Nino: Yeah, I'm fine.
Gordon: Or are you just trying to act like a fucking idiot to make yourself sound better?
Nino: No, I'm not. I'm not a fucking idiot.
Gordon: Well then, stop sounding like one.
Nino: You sound like a fucking idiot yourself.
Gordon: I sound like an idiot?
Nino: You used the word "fucking". So I brought it back to you. I think that's-that's kind of gross.
Carina: (stepping in) Nino, we need to calm down.
Gordon: Unbelievable. Now I know the problem in this restaurant.
Nino: Yeah.
Gordon: I'm staring at it.
Nino: And I'm-I'm staring at it as well.
Michael: (interview) To be honest, I really don't know what's in Nino's head.
Gordon: Are we done?
Michael: (interview) It's almost like he's completely mentally unstable.

Mill Street Bistro Part 1 [6.11][edit]

[Overlaid with the chefs taking food out of the freezer and nuking it in the microwave]

Joe: We do things with passion, with integrity... The food here at the bistro is the freshest, hands down.

[Joe's infamous "micro-carrots"]

Gordon: And these are... little carrots?
Joe: Micro-carrots.
Gordon: Micro-carrots? From...
Joe: From a local farm.
Gordon: Do you not think you should let it grow a bit?
Joe: Well, I don't think they're there to be really eaten, they're for garnish.
Gordon: Okay.
Joe: It's a garnish. Nice to add some color.
Gordon: Okay.
Joe: But I would like to explain what we're spending on micro-carrots.
Gordon: Yeah. Can we go through this after?
[Gordon hands the carrots to Joe]
Joe: [interview] I have staff here that'll take care of that. You don't hand me raw food in MY dining room.

[post-lunch meeting]

Gordon: Let me tell you something: You’re not a chef. Stop pretending to be one.
Joe: Did I tell you I was a chef?
Gordon: You told me you trained with the best chefs in Europe.
Joe: I didn't fucking tell you that! (flashback to earlier at Joe’s farm) I am self-taught by old-school Europeans. Master chefs that had a liking to me.
(back to Mill Street Bistro)
Gordon: Who is the chef here?
Joe: It's my kitchen, I'm the chef.
Gordon: You just told me you're not, but now you are.
Joe: I'm not a certified chef, like yourself.
Gordon: No, I know that, but who cooks?
Joe: I do.
Gordon: Right. So you're the head chef. You write the menus, you dictate the special features.
Joe: Correct.
Gordon: Let me tell you something: You're not a fine-dining bistro. You're a small man with a fake bistro. You're shooting way above your station. You’ve totally misjudged your market, because all these pretentious ideas that you think are gonna work are screwed.
Joe: What are you referring to?
Gordon: Oh, here we go. I'll make it easy for you.
Joe: Yeah, I speak English too.
Gordon: Store-bought chocolate cake garnished with fake flowers. You don't even cook. You just prance around behind the line throwing raw bits of carrots on top of raw pastry. I've never come across a bistro anywhere in the world with name tags.
Joe: In the world?
Gordon: In the world.
Joe: In the world? We'll research that.
Gordon: You are so fucking arrogant, you don't even listen to your customers, let alone your staff. You have a gifted young group of servers that told me more problems and issues in the first 20 minutes of meeting them than you have done all fucking day.
Joe: (laughs) Yeah, yeah.
Gordon: Now it's funny.
Joe: Yeah.
Gordon: From a fake fireplace to fake garnish, yet you want me to blow fucking smoke up your phony arse!
Joe: I don't want you to blow smoke up my phony ass.
Gordon: Wow.
Joe: It was petite micro-carrots that was the garnish.
Gordon: It's not just about the carrots. Carrots is just a fucking example of 20 things that have gone wrong!
Joe: You're busting my balls!
Gordon: Because you're in fucking denial!
(one of the employees whistles and imitates a bomb dropping)
Gordon: You want me just to come in and change your carrots, and make some fresh fucking chocolate cake for you?
Joe: Yeah.
Gordon: I'm lost for words. Uh, I don't know what to say. Do you know what you could do for me? Impress me with your dinner service. Show me how you function, “Chef.”
Joe: Do you want to see what comes back? Our elk does not come back.
Gordon: I'm deeply sorry your feelings are hurt.
Joe: My fucking feelings ain't hurt. You can't hurt my feelings.
Gordon: You're ignoring my advice.
Joe: No, I'm not.
Gordon: And you're going up against me.
Joe: No, I'm not ignoring your advice.
Gordon: Yes, you are.
One of the employees: I feel like Christmas has come early.
Gordon: Defensive, ignorant, and in complete denial.
Joe: And guess what? If I'm all that, you're my twin!
Gordon: What?
Joe: Yeah, 'cause I've been called you here many times. So let's get over the bullshit.
Gordon: (softly in Joe’s ear) I can cook, Joe. (normal) When you have the arrogance to stand in front of me and charge your locals 35 fucking dollars for entrées that are inedible, have a look at yourself, man.
Joe: People seem to enjoy it.
Gordon: Bull-shit.
Joe: Bull-shit.
Gordon: (sighs) Fuck off.

[after examining the fridge and finding no meat from Joe’s farm despite what Joe claimed earlier]

Gordon: Joe, I get upset when I see fakery from a frozen ravioli, a frozen perch, frozen oysters. And when you deny it, that makes me mad.
Joe: Well, let's talk about that.
Gordon: Yeah, because you're making up stories.
Joe: I'm not making up stories.
Gordon: Yes, you are. That's how fucking deluded you are.
Joe: No, I'm not deluded. We have fresh stuff, okay?
Gordon: I'm struggling here to stay in this building right now. I swear to God.
Joe: Gordon, I got to cook right now.
Gordon: Now isn’t a good time? I wish you would. I'm standing here watching a dead man walking.

[examining and debating over the onion soup]

Gordon: Are they raw onions in there? What's that? Did you put raw onions in there?
Tom: I didn’t; no.
Gordon: Why are we doing this to each other?
Tom: I don’t know.
Gordon: Is this a wind-up? Look at me. You're putting raw onions in the soup. I don't know if you're just fucking around. I'm—I'm lost, Joe. Why are you doing this?
Joe: You said earlier that it needed more onions. Okay? We responded by putting the onions in there, so they had more of a bite to it.
Gordon: It's raw. What's the matter with you? We send that out, it’s going to come straight back!
Joe: What do you want to hear?
Gordon: Take it off, Joe!
Joe: Take it off the menu?
Gordon: 86 it! Save whatever little reputation you've got left! MAN! Surely you've got a bit more respect than that! I'm trying to reason with you, Joe.
Joe: I get it.
Gordon: Fine.
Joe: I get it.
Gordon: Fine! But I am not here to show an idiot you can't put fucking raw onions in an onion soup! I can't teach you that! That's called common sense! That, in your tiny mind, is not common!
Joe: Pardon?
Gordon: (to Tom) Come here, you. Should we put raw onions in a caramelised onion soup?! TELL HIM!!
Tom: (to Joe) No.
Gordon: (to Tom) Thank you! (to Joe) You've got talented staff to tell you that! Ask your chef!

Mill Street Bistro Part 2 [6.12][edit]

Joe: [starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?
Gordon: I haven't got the appetite, Joe.
Joe: I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."
Gordon: What the fuck are you on? What the fuck are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy". An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a fucking good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your fucking arsehole?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his fucking farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up, Joe! You're joking, aren't you?
Joe: We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.
Gordon: It's disgusting, Joe!
Joe: So you wouldn't give me any input on it?
Gordon: Get rid of it!
Joe: You want me to get rid of it right fucking now?!
Gordon: I would! I would!
Joe: Get rid of the fucking thing! We don't have it!
Gordon: Oh, here we go! Here we go!
Joe: We don't have it!
Gordon: Here we fucking go!
Joe: Make yourself clear.
Gordon: Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy." ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!
Joe: So don't - fucking - serve the thing, right?
Joe: It's my restaurant, and I'm asking for fucking help!
Joe: I'm asking for FUCKING help!
Gordon: THEN WAKE UP!!
Joe: You wake up!
Gordon: IDIOT!!
Joe: Fucking come in here and help me, instead of running your jaw!
Gordon: You shouldn't even be IN the kitchen! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!
Joe: (under) Go ahead! Go ahead! You put it all together! You got it right!
Gordon: (to Tom) Let's finish this! Let's finish it! (to Joe) FUCK OFF THEN!!
Joe: You fuck off!
Gordon: (throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that shit with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!
Joe: That's all I'm asking!
Gordon: GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the fucking problem. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-real.

Yanni's (6.13)[edit]

Gordon: Greasy as anything. It's a huge ball of grease. I love moussaka, but that is miles off. Moussaka? Mou-suck.

[having gathered the staff in the kitchen]
Gordon: I've never seen this before! Every fucking fridge is full of fresh stuff and old stuff. Unfortunately, the old stuff's tainting the fresh stuff, so what you think is fresh is no longer fresh. And those poor fuckers out there are eating this.
Alyse: Can I-?
Gordon: No, you can't. I'm not going to let you cook any more. Yeah, that's right. You want to continue cooking? You think it's funny, do you? No, Alyse, if anyone can walk past ROTTEN food in a fridge, and continue cooking fresh, you shouldn't be FUCKIN' anywhere near food! And then when I hear, "Oh, I've never seen that before!" THEN OPEN YOUR FUCKIN' EYES!
Peter: I just don't believe this. You know, what happened to "check things"?
Alyse: I don't know what happened.
Peter: (fishing out a beer can from a bucket) What the fuck is this!? Do you guys like this shit to drink? Don't leave those in there for so long! (gestures wildly to the fridge) Look! Look in there! That's embarrassing!
Alyse: But we don't use it.
Peter: I can't keep up with everything! I fuckin' baby-sit you like kids! And you still fuck me! I don't need to baby-sit; if I want to baby-sit, I'd go baby-sit my granddaughter! She's more fun than you guys!

Prohibition Grille [6.14][edit]

Rishi: I thought it would be a good idea to open a restaurant.
Gordon: Were you intoxicated at the time?

Rishi: Chef Ramsay, I like the pinwheel.
Gordon: I'm not asking you if you like it. You give your food ten out of ten, so me talking to you about food is like, 'yeah, I'm talking to a brick wall, behind you'.

Gordon: Overcooked, tasteless mush.
Rishi: I thought they tasted great. They were overcooked though.
Gordon: You knew they were overcooked - have you any idea how fucking deluded you sound?
Rishi: What?
Gordon: How can something be fucking delicious and overcooked? There's no such thing! Aaaargh!

Chappy's [6.15][edit]

Gordon: Looks like Chappy took a crappy in my gumbo.

Gordon: I’m not going to say this in front of your staff - you’re a joke.

Gordon: You’ve taught every chef in the world how not to cook.

Amy's Baking Company [6.16][edit]

Amy: I am going to really hurt somebody if they send back my cakes!

[Gordon catches with Samy pocketing the tips]
Gordon: Wow. Ten-dollar tip?
Samy: Yeah.
Gordon: Nice. For you?
Samy: Of course, yeah. Why not?
Gordon: Don't you think the girl deserves some tips tonight?
Samy: No. They get paid hourly.
Gordon: And so, did you think that if I went and asked every customer that when they leave a tip, it goes straight to the owner and not to the server, do you think they'd be astounded? Let me ask that table there. (to the customers at the table) Sir, the tip that you left to the young lady server, the owner takes the tips.
Customers: That's horrible!
Samy: No, no, no, no!
Gordon: Don't FUCK with me!
Samy: Yeah, I will fuck with you! Who the fuck do you think you are!?
Amy: Oh, my god. Samy's going to hurt him.
Gordon: I'm fed up. I'm getting sick and tired of your bullshit.
Samy: Don't speak with me like a villain.
Gordon: Why not fucking answer my question?
Samy: I am the gangster, not you.
Gordon: Then fucking answer my question. Tell the customers they're going to get their tips.
Samy: No, they don't!
Gordon: They should be told that you're taking them, because these servers deserve them.
Samy: You want to speak with me?
Gordon: Yeah, I want to speak with you.
Samy: Do you want to fuck with me? I will fuck with you.
Gordon: I don't want to fuck with you.
Samy: Then, I will fuck with you.
Amy: Oh, my god. What a joke.

Gordon: I can't help people... that can't help themselves... and cannot ever take one ounce of criticism. And if you're not willing to change, I'm not going to butt heads, argue, scream, whatever you want to say. But, this is not normal. And it's not normal for a restaurant to go through that many staff. It's not normal for a kitchen that small to have 65 items on the menu. And it's not normal for the level of animosity that you built inside this restaurant and outside. You have the right to run the business the way you want to run your business. I have the right to do the right thing. And the right thing for me... is to get out of here. Good luck.
[Gordon leaves via the restaurant's front door]
Gordon: Wow.
Samy: This is what you wanted?
Amy: Yeah, of course this is what I wanted. I'm not participating in this shit, give me a break! (points to her microphone) Can I take this thing off me? (interview) We don't need his help! Maybe he knows that.
[the production crew is shown dismantling the camera and lighting equipment]
Crew member: It all has to come down.
Amy: (interview) And now he's gone, he walked away. He'll go on with his life, and Samy and I will go on with our life.

Gordon: Well, it's finally happened. After almost a hundred Kitchen Nightmares, I met two owners who I could not help. It wasn't because I didn't want to, it was because they are incapable of listening. And in a short period of time, they've managed to piss off the community and go through over a hundred employees in one year. Samy and Amy continued to blame everyone else, yet their biggest problem is themselves. And I know whatever changes I would've made, they were never going to stick with them and that's why I've decided to do something I've never done before. It's such a shame.
[Gordon walks to and enters his car, starts the engine, and drives off]

Season 7[edit]

Return to Amy's Baking Company [7.01][edit]

Pantaleone's [7.02][edit]

(Paulette has just placed a HUGE pizza in front of Gordon]
Paulette: Here's your sausage pizza.
Gordon: [eyes wide as saucers] Holy crap...
Paulette: Isn't that ridiculous?
Gordon: [facepalms] It's like the pizza that ate Denver.

[Remarking on a disappointing meatball hero sandwich]
Gordon: Definitely not a hero, there. There's a typo on the menu. It's not "hero", it's "zero".

[After pouring a sinister yellow liquid off his linguine with clams]
Gordon: Looks like one of the worst urine samples you could ever give.

[After Gordon conducts a taste test... and Pete's pizza does not exactly come out looking good...]
Gordon: I think, Pete, you've overestimated how good your pizza is. ... I did a little research in Denver. Here's the results in a nutshell. 75 percent of our taste-testers preferred pizza A from the top local Italian restaurant. In second place, with 15 percent of the votes, was a store-bought frozen pizza. And in third, and last position, was yours, with 10 percent ONLY of the votes. Yours was the least favourite, you're actually beaten by a store-bought fucking frozen pizza. Get the message?

Pete: I love you, you old Brit.

Old Neighborhood [7.03][edit]

Gordon: How can I help two individuals who don't care about what they're doing?
Randy: We do care.
Alexa: We care tremendously.
Gordon: So, why didn't you do anything before I got here?
Randy: We did. I can't tell you how many hours we cleaned.
Gordon: You cleaned before I got here?
Randy: I threw out my clothes on Monday, I was so encased with grease.
Gordon: How long?
Randy: How many hours?
Randy: Five?
Alexa: We just need to stop.
Gordon: [walking out of the restaurant] What a fucking mess!

Kati Allo [7.04][edit]

Irene: Ok, this is the traditional Loukaniko; the Greek sausage.
Gordon: The sausage. Look at that. Are they... is that deep fried?
Irene: They fry it, and they sautée with the wine.
Gordon: It's bland. When you fry sausage like that, the flavor's gone. It looks like the remainder of a dog chew. That is a mess. [Smells it] Puhh, it just smells of fried. Where's the white wine and garlic?
Irene: Too much grease?
Gordon: I mean, that's just grease. There's more grease in this plate than there is in the Greek isles.
Irene: I-I'm so sorry, I don't know...
Gordon: Just taste that... please. Does that remind you of Greece?
Irene: Only I taste garlic... and grease.
Gordon: This area of Queens is called Flushing; right now, I'd like to flush these right down the toilet!

[food comes from lift]
Gordon: What is that? Where is this coming from?
Chef: This is for the special.
Gordon: For the special. That's all hot. No, I know, but wait. It's all hot. Where is it coming from?
Chef: Downstairs.
Gordon: So you have a team of chefs downstairs as well?
Chef: No. Only one woman... put in the microwave.
Gordon: Only one woman?
Chef: Yes. That's all the work she do.
Gordon: [yelling down the lift] Hello? Hello? Hello? Wow. [talking to Christina] Christina, there's a lady downstairs that heats this stuff up.
Christina: Yeah, she puts these in the microwave.
Gordon: What is that?

Mangia, Mangia (Part 1) [7.05][edit]

Julie: Our spinach has never never never never NEVER looked like this!!
Kevin: This restaurant runs like the Jerry Springer Show.
Mike: The food... isn't cooked with much love. It's cooked with stress and a microwave.

Mangia, Mangia (Part 2) [7.06][edit]

Janelle: Hey Kevin, let's talk about how many times you haven't shown up to work without your tie.
Kevin: Two times.
Janelle: You're so disrespectful to her! You need to show a little respect!
Trevor: She doesn't listen to anything we have to fucking say!
Janelle: She tries to but you guys don't give her a chance!
Julie: Trevor, I have talked to you a hundred times about, stop! I've talked to you over and over, you know I'm not fucking lying, you are! I have sat down and talked to you so many times and said "What can we do to make this better?" and you never fucking say anything, so that's a fucking lie!
Trevor: But when I do say something, it gets shut down!
Julie: You are fucking lying!
Trevor: Whatever!
Janelle: She's given you so many chances Trevor and you know it! Let's talk about your habits for a second and all the times, you've come in so high that you throw shit at the walls! So high, you fucking punch people!
Janelle: NO, FUCKING YOU!!
Gordon: Drugs? Who's on drugs?
Gordon: Janelle, Janelle.
Julie: Janelle, come here.
Gordon: Okay, stay away from him now. Darling, go inside the restaurant please, and get a glass of water please.

Gordon:[handing Mike a dish of lasagna] Okay, now into the microwave for four minutes--
[Mike, out of habit, reaches for it. Gordon yanks it back.]
Gordon: Fuck off. Are you serious?!
[Everyone laughs.]
Gordon: You're good at taking orders, but you've got a brain. Use it.

Zayna Flaming Grill (Part 1) [7.07][edit]

Gordon: I've got a little quiz. Are you ready for this? ... How do you spell 'bistro'?
Mark: B-I-S-T-R-O.
Gordon: Uh-huh, good. Now, how do you spell 'dining'?
[Mark puzzles for a moment]
Mark: D-I-N-N-I-N-G.

[Gordon rolls his eyes] [Amel laughs]

Gordon: So, you wrote this menu?
[Mark laughs, nervously]

Zayna Flaming Grill (Part 2) [7.08][edit]

Bella Luna [7.09][edit]

[Gordon meeting Traci, the manager, and discussing the problems with the restaurant]
Gordon: Are the locals biting?
Traci: No.
Gordon: No? No one's biting?
Traci: No. Not at all. And this place should be banging. We have to do things. I run a 50 Shades Of Grey bingo on Thursday night.
Gordon: Say that again?
Traci: 50 Shades Of Grey bingo.
Gordon: Bingo?
Traci: It's adult bingo.
Gordon: Adult bingo?
Traci: Yeah.
Gordon: Are handcuffs involved?
Traci: No.
Gordon: No?
Traci: Well, they could be if you wanted them.
Gordon: But, I mean, why would you-- [facepalms] No, God, no. Geez, man.
Traci: [laughing]
Gordon: I just arrived!

Gordon: Are you kidding me? (to the staff) All of you, quick! (staff comes to Gordon) If you think I'm serving that, you're dreaming. We may as well go back to where we were!
One of the staff: All right.
Gordon: All of a sudden, we've just dropped our fucking standards! The next person that throws that out at me, I will throw them out!
One of the staff: Yes, Chef.
Gianfranco: Come on, guys, let's go.
Gordon: Come here, you. (takes Gianfranco outside) Is that what—is that what you busted your arse off for?
Gianfranco: No. No, no, no, no. Absolutely not.
Gordon: Come on!
Gianfranco: You're right.
Gordon: It's in front of your eyes. Get 'em together! (throws plate of lasagna on the ground)