Look Who's Talking Too
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- James Ubriacco: Let's see, we've got Schwarzenegger and Betty Boop. Hmm, tough call, they're both really built and they both talk funny.
- James Ubriacco: Mike, this is a potty, okay? Now when you wanna take a piss...
- Mollie Ubriacco: Don't say piss.
- James Ubriacco: Okay, when you wanna take a whiz...
- Mollie Ubriacco: Ugh!
- James Ubriacco: What? "See a man about a horse"? "Drain the snake"? What do you want me to say?
- Mollie Ubriacco: Pee-pee.
- James Ubriacco: Pee-pee is such a wimp word.
- Stuart: You guys make me laugh. You're really funny. You stock up your cabinets with bottled water and flashlights, well, what do you think is going to happen when the shit really hits the fan? You know like earthquakes and flash floods just a lot of chaos and horror, people dying in the streets and you're sitting here nice and pretty with your bottled water. Now the guy next store has got one of these [9mm pistol] Who's gonna go thirsty? Him or you?
- Mikey: Got you a gift for coming into the world, here it is. [offers her a stuffed cow] Have a cow, honey. [Julie begins to bawl] Alright, don't have a cow.
- Mikey: Poor Daddy, hanging out with buttholes all day long.
- Julie: As God is my witness, I'm going to learn to walk, and get the hell out of here.
- Julie: Well, here I am, all conceived and nowhere to go.
- Mollie Ubriacco: See, Mikey, Mommy is a girl so she doesn't have a penis.
- James Ubriacco: But she's got some set of balls!
[Mikey is learning the difference between men and women]
- Mikey: [is shown a picture of a man] Penis.
[is shown a picture of a woman]
- Mikey: No penis.
[is shown a picture of George Bush]
- Mikey: [thinking] Hmm, that's a tough one.
- James Ubriacco: Why is it that every time drink out of the milk carton, I get a lecture, but Travis Bickle moves in with a semi-automatic weapon, and it's okay?
- Mollie Ubriacco: A little unloaded gun makes him feel better.
- James Ubriacco: Makes him feel better? Why doesn't he go to the top of the Empire State Building and shoot student nurses? Maybe that'll make him feel better.
- Mollie Ubriacco: This is New York. Women carry unloaded guns in their purses.
- Mollie Ubriacco: Isn't that great, honey?! Your brother went pee-pee.
- Julie: Big deal. I made a doody!
- Mikey: I don't care what you say, I'm not pooping in that thing. I've got my standards.
- Mikey: Eddie, what ya say we go and get an apple juice?
- Eddie: Nah, Mike, I'm into my little training thing.
- Mikey: What kinda training thing?
- Eddie: You know, I'm wearing the trainin' pants, man.
- Mikey: Oh, man, don't tell me you're goin along with this potty business too.
- Eddie: We have to, Mike, cos the Toilet Man says so.
- Mikey: Who?
- Eddie: Mr. Toilet man, he likes to eat your doody and your pee-pee. So I say give it to him.
- Mikey: Eat your doody and your pee-pee? Who told you that?
- Eddie: My mother, why? You callin' her a liar?
- Mikey: No.
- Eddie: She told me diapers are for babies.
- Mikey: But eat your doody and your pee-pee? Eddie, the thought is too hideous to comprehend.
- James Ubriacco: When you wanna take a pee-pee okay, you do it in here and you just do this, you take it out.
[pretends to unzip his fly]
- Mollie Ubriacco: Oh, come on.
- James Ubriacco: What?
- Mikey: Dad, who's kidding who, huh?
- James Ubriacco: And the same token, when you wanna take a dump.
- Mollie Ubriacco: Poo-poo.
- Mikey: This is a joke, right?
- James Ubriacco: I know it sounds disgusting, Mike, but you know you gotta trust me on this, okay?
- Mikey: Let me get this straight, you want me to take a dump outside my diaper?
- Mikey: [thinking] Hmm, Eddie gets all the girls, he's not wearing a diaper, maybe I oughta give this potty thing a try. [jumping and singing] When you have to pee, you jump up and down, but sometimes nothing comes out. So you jump up and down a little more. I don't have to pee... I don't have to pee... I do have to pee and I better go somewhere, here I go... [realizes he's wet himself] That stuff really sneaks up on you!
- Mikey: [pouring white-out on his mother's supervisor's shoes] La la la la la. Here, shoes, have a drink.
- Julie: [when she is getting an injection, looking at the needle] What's that?
- Mikey: Oh, God, I can't watch this part.
- Julie: Oh my God! [cries hysterically]
- Mikey: Smarts, doesn't it? Hm? Hurts just a little?
- Julie: Will this pain *ever* go away?
- Mikey: Maybe it will... or maybe it won't. [smiles]
- James Ubriacco: [to Mikey and Julie] I miss you guys so much.
- Julie: Ieuw... male bonding makes me sick.
- Mikey: [Mollie's boss is yelling at her, Mikey under the desk pours white-out on his shoes] Here, shoes, have a drink. You mess with my mother, you mess with me.
- Julie: [falls down trying to walk] Oh, my tush hurts.
- Mollie Ubriacco: He has to go to bed early tonight because I'm taking him to baby gym tomorrow.
- James Ubriacco: Oh, not baby gym!
- Mollie Ubriacco: He needs to socialize with other kids.
- James Ubriacco: Well, take him to the park.
- Mollie Ubriacco: I'm not taking him to the park anymore! Do you know what he did today? He picked up a crack pipe!
- James Ubriacco: Well, throw it out.
- Mollie Ubriacco: Do you have any idea how many disease he could get that from?
- Joey: Jump up and down. And don't forget to breathe! That's what they say when they have a heart attack, "Oh, I forgot to breathe!"
- Mollie Ubriacco: Mommy is a girl, so I don't have a penis.
- James Ubriacco: But she's got some set of balls.
- Mollie Ubriacco: But Daddy is a big...
- James Ubriacco: Penis!
- Julie: Don't you just hate it when you get your head stuck in your placenta?
- John Travolta - James Ubriacco / Voice of James' sperm cells
- Kirstie Alley - Mollie Ubriacco (née Jensen) / Voice of Mollie's egg (uncredited)
- Elias Koteas - Stuart Jensen
- Twink Caplan - Rona
- Olympia Dukakis - Rosie Jensen
- Lesley Ewen - Debbie
- Gilbert Gottfried - Joey
- Bruce Willis - Michael "Mikey" Jensen-Ubriacco
- Roseanne Barr - Julie Ubriacco
- Damon Wayans - Eddie
- Mel Brooks - Mr. Toilet Man