Dean Martin: Would you mind if I go back up on stage now?
Jerry Lewis: I don't, but they might.
Dean Martin: Get outta here!
Jerry Lewis: We killed them, didn't we?
Dean Martin: Oh yeah, kid. We killed them all right.
Jerry Lewis: Didn't you feel it? I felt it. It was like a...like a jolt, like a lightning bolt. I didn't know what was gonna happen next, and I loved it.
Dean Martin: You never talked to Angelo about the dishes.
Jerry Lewis: Hey if Angelo was smart, he'd put us together, don't you think?
Dean Martin: I'm a solo act.
Jerry Lewis: Well me too, but maybe you know, together we could....
Dean Martin: I mean, I go solo.
[After their first act at Atlantic City's 500 Club]
Jerry Lewis: It's never happened to me before.
Dean Martin: Me neither.
Jerry Lewis: I want it to happen again.
Dean Martin: Me too.
Jerry Lewis: Nice for you to show up.
Dean Martin: Not that you would've missed me.
[While doing an act]
Dean Martin: Did you take a bath this morning?
Jerry Lewis: Oh why? Is there one missing?
Dean Martin: How come you make so many mistakes?
Jerry Lewis: I got up early.
Dean Martin: Ahh, get out of here.
Dean Martin: What's the matter with you, pallie? You should be on top of the world.
Jerry Lewis: I am happy.
Dean Martin: Notify your face, cause you sure don't look it.
Jerry Lewis: You know what. All the great reviews, all the money, all the laughs and all I keep thinking about is my old man. The crowd liked it.
Dean Martin: Don't let it get to you.
Jerry Lewis: My whole life, I always felt like my old man was looking the other way, like he didn't even know I was there. He taught me so much and he doesn't even know it.
Jerry Lewis: Hey, did you read the script?
Dean Martin: Ahh, what script?
Jerry Lewis: "What script?" Unbelievable.
Dean Martin: Oh, come on.
Jerry Lewis: Well, I've read it. It's very funny, Dean. I want this deal. I want this part.
Dean Martin: If you wear that on your sleeve, your dead. My mother always told me, "Never let anyone know who you are".
Jerry Lewis: She must be very proud of you boy, I'll tell you that. My father had a saying too, "Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed". You gotta learn the man's name we're in business with, he's a great producer, Hal Wallis.
Jerry Lewis: Well Dean, here we are at the famous Paramount Theater in New York.
Dean Martin: Oh, is that where we are?
Jerry Lewis: That's where we are. Where else would we be?
Dean Martin: Well, I don't know I just woke up. Wondering what all these people were doing in my bedroom.
Jerry Lewis: Anyway, Mr. Dean Martin whose talent is exceeded only by his alimony, will now sing for you. [puts on a joke face] He wanted me to pay half, but I had no other fun.
Dean Martin: [to the audience] Funny little bastard, isn't he?
[when Jerry is lying in bed in hospital after falling off the stage at the Paramount Theater. Dean is sitting by his side]
Jerry Lewis: You know, I hate to be alone.
Dean Martin: Yeah.
Jerry Lewis: Hey Dean, remember that time in Chicago, maybe it was Philly. Somewhere there was a bar or somewhere. You were laughing about something and you threw your arm around my shoulder and you kept it there while I took a drink and everybody was looking at us and it was then that I knew that this is what it must be like to have a brother. I'll never forget that feeling. That's the beautiful thing about show business, Dean. The thing I love the most, never to be lonely again. Right, Dean?
Dean Martin: Right, Jerry.
Jerry Lewis: Its very nice of you to sit here with me.
Dean Martin: Well, I'm not here, Jerry. You're dreaming. I'm sitting at the bar at the Copa, checking out the joint, smelling the perfume. Wondering whose gonna make the trip home with me tonight. I ain't thinking about tomorrow, not thinking about yesterday, not thinking about you.
Jerry Lewis: You're such a tough guy. I know you feel it too. I know you do.
Jerry Lewis: We have the one thing that no other team has.
Dean Martin: Yeah Jerry, what's that?
Jerry Lewis: It's the love we have for each other.
Dean Martin: You know you can talk about love all you want, but to me your nothing but a dollar sign. I am done, pallie. Were finished.
[During their final act at the Copacabana]
Jerry Lewis: Hey, who let Jackie Gleason in here?
Dean Martin: Is Jackie in here? Hey Jackie, how are you?
[Jackie sitting at a front table, smoking a cigar, nods]
Jerry Lewis: Everybody protect your food.
Jerry Lewis: Who wants a drink next to that? I'm drunk already. All right ladies and gentlemen, the Italian street singer is getting old.
Hal Wallis: [after watching Jerry's test footage] Well, we're all friends here, so lets speak frankly. Jerry, you're not an actor.
Jerry Lewis: I can do better.
Director: I worked with him as much as I could, Hal. We shot nine tests, he just doesn't have it.
Jerry Lewis: Fellas, I'm here in the room with you.
Hal Wallis: Jerry, don't take this personally.
Jerry Lewis: How?
Director: Jerry, this shows been on the radio for years, it has millions of fans. If someone who's not right plays Al, the audience will kill us.
Jerry Lewis: What about Dean?
Hal Wallis: Dean's great. He's very natural, he'll be perfect as Steve.
Director: Here's what Hal was thinking, we're gonna write a part just for you. We'll call him Seymour, a really wacky sidekick to Dean. You can be yourself and have fun. It'll be perfect.
Jerry Lewis: [angrily] Listen to me, Mr Wallis. Jerry Lewis plays Al like it says in my contract.
Hal Wallis: You listen to me, Jerry Lewis. I don't give a damn what it says in your contract, you're not right for Al, you're not playing Al. That's it, that's all.
Jerry Lewis: [angrily] I'm not playing Seymour. I'm playing Al. I can do it.
Hal Wallis: You don't want to play Seymour, Jerry. I'll tell you what, you sit this picture out. We'll go for Dean to play Steve, we'll get a real actor to play Al, and you, well, you can go back to New York.
Jerry Lewis: You can't do that. Dean and I are partners, we're a team. I don't like you, Hal Wallis.
Hal Wallis: Ahh, now you went and hurt my feelings. Abby, calm your client down.
Abby Greshler: Jerry, Dean is not exclusive to you. There's nothing stopping Hal from offering him a picture outside the seven pictures as a team.
Hal Wallis: Listen, I got a dozen other cry babies in this lot I gotta take care of, so whats it gonna be?
Jerry Lewis: [short pause] All right, you win this time, Mr. Wallis. [walks away]
Hal Wallis: Hey, kid. The money always wins.
Jeanne Biegger: What's gonna change?
Dean Martin: You know how it is. What it is.
Jeanne Biegger: I do now, although it would have been nice of you to let me know you were married when you first took me out.
Dean Martin: Don't you read the gossip columns?
Jeanne Biegger: I wouldn't let you be alone, you know that. Aren't you tired of being alone?
Dean Martin: Its complicated.
Jeanne Biegger: No, its simple. You need somebody who's always gonna be there. Who knows the truth and is never gonna lie to you. I'm just like you, Dean. I don't care about anything in this world except what's in front of me, and that's you. You've never been loved that way before, I know it.
Dean Martin: Nobody gets to know me better. Not even my wife.
[last title cards]
Title card: Jerry Lewis went on to become an enormously successful writer, director, producer and star of his own movies, all of which were box office hits. Every year he hosts the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, for which he has raised over a billion dollars.
Title card: Dean Martin became a major movie star, and enjoyed a hugely successful recording career. In 1964, his recording of "Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime" knocked The Beatles out of first place. He had a hit variety show on television which lasted nine years.
Title card: Dean and Jerry did not see each other again for twenty years, when they were briefly reunited on the 1976 telethon. They rarely saw or spoke to each other after that.
Title card: Dean Martin died on Christmas Day, 1995.