Mom (TV series)

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Mom (2013 - ) is an American sitcom, airing on CBS about a newly sober and a single mom raising two children, whose mom, also a recovering drug and alcohol addict, returns to work on her relationship with her daughter.

Season 1[edit]

Pilot [1.01][edit]

Christy: While other mothers were cooking dinner, you were cooking meth.
Bonnie: Otherwise known as working.

Christy: Some mothers teach their daughters how to bake. Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady.

Christy: Mom, I've watched you lick cocaine crumbs out of a shag carpet.
Bonnie: It's not a sin to be thrifty, dear.

Christy: Violet, I can't tell you not to have sex at your age, because I had sex at your age.
Violet: Mom, I'm not having sex.
Christy: Uh, don't lie to the woman who washes your sheets.

A Pee Stick and an Asian Raccoon [1.02][edit]

Christy: That's how you get into heaven, letting a little guy go up on you.
Bonnie: I wish. All he wanted to do was spank me.
Christy: Well, no good deed goes unpunished.

Violet: I'll have the test results in two minutes.
Christy: That's great. I mean the time to worry is so much less. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 20 minutes.
Violet: Really?
Christy: Yeah, that's how far science has come. So, that's great! [to Bonnie] We'll know the test results in 2 minutes.
Bonnie: Wow. When I was pregnant with you, those things took 2 hours.
Christy: Really?
Bonnie: Yeah, that's a long time to wait in a gas station bathroom.

A Small Nervous Meltdown and a Misplaced Fork [1.03][edit]

Bonnie: You know, I had sex with a missionary once and oddly -- he wasn't a fan of the position.

Bonnie: [holding up one of Christy's dresses] Were you sober when you bought this?
Christy: I don't even remember. I hate all my clothes, they're all from when I was drinking.
Bonnie: [holds up red plastic dress] What were you when you bought this?
Christy: Popular.

Roscoe: [playing blackjack] I don't have anymore money.
Bonnie: No money? Or no money ON you?
Roscoe: Well, I have some upstairs in my piggy bank.
Bonnie: Well it's not doing you any good up there, is it?

Bonnie: So how'd it go with your boss?
Christy: I broke his leg *and* his nose.
Bonnie: It felt good, didn't it?
Christy: No, it didn't.
Bonnie: A little bit?
Christy: ...A little.

Loathing and Tube Socks [1.04][edit]

Six Thousand Bootleg T-Shirts and a Prada Handbag [1.05][edit]

Christy: Regina, I know this is difficult for you, but I just want you to know, I think you're doing great.
Regina: Really? 'Cause I think I might snap and kill you and your mother in your sleep.

Bonnie: Recovering from the fatal disease of alcoholism doesn't mean I can't get some strange every once in a while.
Christy: You should sew that on a pillow.

Abstinence and Pudding [1.06][edit]

Marjorie: Christy, if a man won't wait until you're ready to share your secret garden, he's not worth a second of your time.
Bonnie: Secret garden? Holy Moses, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Four.

Luke: I'm telling you, I walked in on my parents having sex once and it traumatized me.
Violet: This isn't the same thing.
Luke: Yeah, it's worse, the kid can't run out of the room screaming.
Violet: [Christy enters] Mom, tell Luke he's not going to hurt the baby.
Christy: ...If I do that, he'll have sex with you. [to Luke] Stick to your guns.

Bonnie: [Christy doesn't want to talk about her relationship] So how about you, Luke still worried he'll poke the baby's eye out?
Violet: Luke is a very caring and sensitive person, and I don't want to talk about it.
Bonnie: [pause] Well since nobody's going to ask me, I'll tell you, I took home a vice cop last night and I do want to talk about it.

Estrogen and a Hearty Breakfast [1.07][edit]

Christy: [speaking to Luke's parents] All right, I just want to say that we've all come to really love your son, and I know my daughter is crazy about him, so... I'm sure there's a happy ending in here somewhere.
Bonnie: If Violet just gave him a happy ending we woul...
Christy: Mom!

Christy: [as Luke's parents are leaving] By the way, Pastor. We're going to raise the baby Jewish.
Bonnie: And we're not Jews.
Christy: Shalom, bitch!

Bonnie: [as Christy tucks her in] Am I pretty?
Christy: What? Of course you are, you're beautiful.
Bonnie: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a man trapped in a man's body.
Christy: That's all in your head.
Bonnie: Are you saying I'm crazy?
Christy: Not in this context. Go to sleep, things will look a lot better in the morning.

Nathan: We're not sure that Luke is the only boy who has slept with this temptress.
Bonnie: Now hold it right there, I can assure you that with every generation of our family, the women get better. Now, I may have been a drunken slut.
Christy: She was.
Bonnie: And my daughter may also have been a drunken slut.
Christy: Hey!
Bonnie: What?
Christy: Sorry, go on.
Bonnie: But this angel was pure as snow until she smoked your son's blunt, drank his tequila and made mad passionate love to him for about 2 minutes. [to Violet] Am I right so far?
Violet: [uncomfortably] Pretty much.

Big Sur and Strawberry Lube [1.08][edit]

Zombies and Cobb Salad [1.09][edit]

Belgian Waffles and Bathroom Privileges [1.10][edit]

Christy: Dammit, I forgot I have to take Violet to her doctor's appointment!
Bonnie: I know, I had Luke take her in early. She's gained 3 pounds, the baby's the size of an heirloom tomato.

Violet: Do we have a Bible?
Christy: We have one that's hollowed out.
Violet: Why would it be hollow?
Christy: ...I misspoke. We don't have a Bible.
Violet: Never mind, I'll just get one at the library.

Christy: Why do you want to read the Bible?
Violet: Because I'm curious.
Christy: What? I didn't raise you to be curious.
Violet: Luke's father thinks I should come to his church and work on my soul.
Christy: Well you tell Luke's father that I said your soul can kick his soul's ass.

Cotton Candy and Blended Fish [1.11][edit]

Christy: Marjorie, how many cats do you own?
Marjorie: Oh, you don't own cats. You love them.
Christy: Okay... How many cats do you love?
Marjorie: [pointing and gesturing] Well, let's see. That's Carlos Santana, and that's Grace Slick, and that's Boz Skaggs, and Steve Miller, and these three are the Tower of Power horn section. And this fat little trouble-maker is Jerry Garcia. So... eight.

Christy: [walks in on Luke and Violet on her bed with her jeans half on] God, lock the door!
Luke: No, it's not what you think, I'm trying to get them *on* her.
Christy: What?
Violet: None of my stupid pants fit!
Christy: Of course not, Violet, you're pregnant. You had to know this was going to happen.
Violet: I did but I still wanted to be hot.
Christy: You were hot, that's why you're pregnant.

Corned Beef and Handcuffs [1.12][edit]

Rudy: But the real magic happens when we start to combine flavors. For example, take a simple cherry tomato, squirt a little aged balsamic vinegar into its fleshy center...
Bonnie: Cherry. Squirt. Fleshy. You can't help yourself, can you?
Rudy: It's very hard.

Christy: Rudy said he doesn't want to see you anymore.
Bonnie: What? Wait, why are you telling me this and not him?
Christy: Because he has an emotionally crippling mother.

Rudy: So why don't you drink?
Bonnie: I'm allergic to alcohol, any time I drink it I break out in handcuffs.
Rudy: What a shame, I happen to have a large collection of both wine and handcuffs.

Hot Soup and Shingles [1.13][edit]

Leather Cribs and Medieval Rack [1.14][edit]

Christy: [Christy and Bonnie are confessing long-held secret to each other] Okay, I got one. Remember that kilo of hash that was stolen from your car?
Bonnie: Yeah?
Christy: Best. Junior Prom. Ever.
Bonnie: Are you crazy? I was almost KILLED for that.
Christy: Oh, I'm sorry.
Bonnie: I had a GUN to my head in the desert, they made me dig my own grave!
Christy: That's too bad. I was voted queen of the prom!

Luke: This ass was spanked a lot as a kid and it's a better ass for it.
Violet: Well I want to raise our baby with patience and understanding.
Luke: Why? You weren't raised that way.
Violet: I know. I want to do better by our child. I want to be able to break the cycle.
Luke: Wow, that's ambitious.

Fireballs and Bullet Holes [1.15][edit]

Alvin: [Knocks on door. Violet answers] Hi. Is Christy Plunkett here?
Violet: You a bill collector?
Alvin: No.
Violet: Subpoena?
Alvin: No.
Violet: Are we being evicted again?
Alvin: No. What do you mean "again"?
Violet: Never mind. She's not here.
Alvin: Oh, okay. You, uh... you must be her daughter.
Violet: Listen pal, we're not joining your church.
Alvin: I'm not... Forget it. I'll come back another time.
Violet: Whatever. [Slams door]
Alvin: Wow. My granddaughter's a joy.

Nietzsche and a Beer Run [1.16][edit]

Christy: [ driving a firetruck stops at a red light]
Bonnie: [following Christy, the calls her] What are you doing?
Christy: What it's a red light.
Bonnie: You're in a firetruck.
Christy: Oh right. [turns on sirens]

Jail, Jail and Japanese Porn [1.17][edit]

Christy: I can't believe they found you guilty.
Regina: I can. I stole three million dollars.
Christy: Maybe they'll send you to one of those swanky country club jails.
Regina: Get real. I'm a black woman who embezzled money from white people. I'm going to jail jail. Someone's gonna buy my ass for a KitKat bar.
Bonnie: Well, it's only fair. KitKat bars helped build that thing.

Regina: Where do you think Christy is?
Bonnie: I think she's unrolling a fire hose.
Regina: What?
Bonnie: She's dating a fireman.

Sonograms and Tube Tops [1.18][edit]

Christy: I thought this baby was going to be my second chance.
Violet: How would that happen?
Christy: Well, this time I wouldn't be drunk. I wouldn't pass out at a PTA meeting, at the wrong school.
Violet: [dryly] Yeah, that wasn't too embarrassing.

Christy: The baby shower's going to be great, fun and games and free stuff for the baby.
Violet: I don't need it.
Christy: Violet, I'm stealing food from work, trust me, we need it.
Violet: No we don't.
Christy: Why not?
Violet: ...I've made a decision. I'm giving this baby up for adoption. [leaves]
Christy: I feel like I just got punched in the heart.

Toilet Wine and the Earl of Sandwich [1.19][edit]

Regina: Do you know what the worst part of being in prison will be?
Bonnie: Being in prison?
Regina: No, that I won't get to see my son grow up.
Bonnie: Oh... I'm gonna stop talking now.
Marjorie: Don't say it if you don't mean it.
Christy: When did you last see your son?
Regina: Before my trial.
Marjorie: But that was months ago!
Regina: My ex-husband won't let me see him, not that I blame him. He just turned 10. He's going to be a teenager by the time I get out.
Christy: Where's your ex live?
Regina: In Stockton, about a hundred miles back.
Christy: [pause] Hell with it. [turns the car around] We're going to Stockton!
Regina: But I'll be late to turn myself in.
Christy: What the hell are they gonna do, Regina? Throw you in jail?

Clumsy Monkeys and a Tilted Uterus [1.20][edit]

Broken Dreams and Blocked Arteries [1.21][edit]

Violet: Hey.
Alvin: Hey. Your mom tells me you've got a prom coming up.
Violet: Um-hmm.
Alvin: That sounds like fun.
Violet: Yep.
Alvin: What's the theme?
Violet: Broken condoms, broken dreams.
Alvin: [Nodding] Oh, okay. You've got a shot at being the Queen.

Smokey Taylor and a Deathbed Confession [1.22][edit]

Christy: Shouldn't Luke be here by now?
Violet: He didn't drive, he's high, so he took the bus.
Christy: He smoked pot on the day you're having the baby?
Violet: He smokes pot every day, it's not a big deal.
Luke: [in the hall] Violet?
Violet: I'm in here!
Luke: [walks right by] Violet?
Violet: I'm in here!
Luke: Violet?
Violet: You literally just walked past me!
Luke: Violet?
Christy: Everyday, huh?

Violet: I changed my mind!
Christy: I told you, you can't go home, you have to have this baby.
Violet: No, I changed my mind, I'm keeping this baby!
Christy: [she and Bonnie look at each other] Are you sure?
Violet: I'm never going through this much pain again, so I need to keep this baby!

Season 2[edit]

Hepatitis and Lemon Zest [2.01][edit]

Figgy Pudding and the Rapture [2.02][edit]

Chicken Nuggets and a Triple Homicide [2.03][edit]

Forged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage [2.04][edit]

Kimchi and a Monkey Playing Harmonica [2.05][edit]

Crazy Eyes and a Wet Brad Pitt [2.06][edit]

Soapy Eyes and a Clean Slate [2.07][edit]

Free Therapy and a Dead Lady's Yard Sale [2.08][edit]

Godzilla and a Sprig of Mint [2.09][edit]

Nudes and a Six Day Cleanse [2.10][edit]

Three Smiles and an Unpainted Ceiling [2.11][edit]

Kitty Litter and a Class A Felony [2.12][edit]

Cheeseburger Salad and Jazz [2.13][edit]

Benito Poppins and a Warm Pumpkin [2.14][edit]

Turkey Meatballs and a Getaway Car [2.15][edit]

Dirty Money and a Woman Named Mike [2.16][edit]

A Commemorative Coin and a Misshapen Head [2.17][edit]

Dropped Soap and a Big Guy on a Throne [2.18][edit]

Mashed Potatoes and a Little Nitrous [2.19][edit]

Sick Popes and a Red Ferrari [2.20][edit]

Patient Zero and the Chocolate Fountain [2.21][edit]

Fun Girl Stuff and Eternal Salvation [2.22][edit]

Season 3[edit]

Terrorists and Gingerbread [3.01][edit]

Thigh Gap and a Rack of Lamb [3.02][edit]

Mozzarella Sticks and a Gay Piano Bar [3.03][edit]

Sawdust and Brisket [3.04][edit]

A Pirate, Three Frogs and a Prince [3.05][edit]

Horny-Goggles and a Catered Intervention [3.06][edit]

Kreplach and a Tiny Tush [3.07][edit]

Snickerdoodle and a Nip Slip [3.08][edit]

My Little Pony and a Demerol Drip [3.09][edit]

Quaaludes and Crackerjack [3.10][edit]

Cinderella and a Drunk MacGyver [3.11][edit]

Diabetic Lesbians and a Blushing Bride [3.12][edit]

Sticky Hands and a Walk on the Wild Side [3.13][edit]

Death, Death, Death and a Bucket of Chicken [3.14][edit]

Nazi Zombies and a Two-Hundred Pound Baby [3.15][edit]

Cornflakes and the Hair of Three Men [3.16][edit]

Caperberries and a Glass Eye [3.17][edit]

Beast Mode and Old People Kissing [3.18][edit]

A Catheter and a Dipsy-Doodle [3.19][edit]

Pure Evil and a Free Piece of Cheesecake [3.20][edit]

Mahjong Sally and the Ecstasy [3.21][edit]

Atticus Finch and the Downtrodden [3.22][edit]

Season 4[edit]

High-tops and Brown Jacket [4.01][edit]

Sword Fights and a Dominican Shortstop [4.02][edit]

Sparkling Water and Ba-dinkers [4.03][edit]

Curious George and the Big Red Nightmare [4.04][edit]

Blow and a Free McMuffin [4.05][edit]

Xanax and a Baby Duck [4.06][edit]

Cornbread and a Cashmere Onesie [4.07][edit]

Freckled Bananas and a Little Schwinn [4.08][edit]

Bad Hand and British Royalty [4.09][edit]

A Safe Word and a Rib Eye [4.10][edit]

Good Karma and the Big Weird [4.11][edit]

Wind Chimes and a Bottomless Pit of Sadness [4.12][edit]

A Bouncy Castle and an Aneurysm [4.13][edit]

Roast Chicken and a Funny Story [4.14][edit]

Night Swimmin' and an English Muffin [4.15][edit]

Martinis and a Sponge Bath [4.16][edit]

Black Mold and an Old Hot Dog [4.17][edit]

Tush Push and Some Radishes [4.18][edit]

Tantric Sex and the Sprouted Flute [4.19][edit]

A Cricket and a Hedge Made of Gold [4.20][edit]

A Few Thongs and a Hawaiian Funeral [4.21][edit]

Lockjaw and a Liquid Diet [4.22][edit]

Season 5[edit]

Twinkle Lights and Grandma Shoes [5.01][edit]

Fish Town and Too Many Thank You's [5.02][edit]

A Seafaring Ancestor and a Bloomin' Onion [5.03][edit]

Fancy Crackers and Giant Women [5.04][edit]

Poodle Fuzz and a Twinge of Jealousy [5.05][edit]

Smooth Jazz and a Weird Floaty Eye [5.06][edit]

Too Many Hippies and Huevos Rancheros [5.07][edit]

An Epi-Pen and a Security Cat [5.08][edit]

Teenage Vampires and a White Russian [5.09][edit]

A Bear and a Bladder Infection [5.10][edit]

Bert and Ernie and a Blessing of the People [5.11][edit]

Push-Down Coffee and a Working Turn Signal [5.12][edit]

Pudding and a Screen Door [5.13][edit]

Charlotte Brontë and a Backhoe [5.14][edit]

Esta Loca and a Little Klingon [5.15][edit]

Eight Cats and the Hat Show [5.16][edit]

Crazy Snakes and a Clog to the Head [5.17][edit]

Spaghetti Sauce and a Dumpster Fire [5.18][edit]

A Taco Bowl and a Tubby Seamstress [5.19][edit]

Ocular Fluid and Fighting Robots [5.20][edit]

Phone Confetti and a Wee Dingle [5.21][edit]

Diamond Earrings and a Pumpkin Head [5.22][edit]

Season 6[edit]

Pre-Washed Lettuce and a Mime [6.01][edit]

Go-Go Boots and a Butt Cushion [6.02][edit]

Ambulance Chasers and a Babbling Brook [6.03][edit]

Big Sauce and Coconut Water [6.04][edit]

Flying Monkeys and a Tank of Nitrous [6.05][edit]

Cottage Cheese and a Weird Buzz [6.06][edit]

Puzzle Club and a Closet Party [6.07][edit]

Jell-O Shots and the Truth about Santa [6.08][edit]

Pork Loin and a Beat Up Monte Carlo [6.09][edit]

Flamingos and a Dance-Based Exercise Class [6.10][edit]

Foot Powder and the Barrelworks Pirates [6.11][edit]

Hacky Sack and a Beautiful Experience [6.12][edit]

Big Floor Pillows and a Ball of Fire [6.13][edit]

Kalamazoo and a Bad Wedge of Brie [6.14][edit]

Sparkling Banter and a Failing Steel Town [6.15][edit]

Skippy and the Knowledge Hole [6.16][edit]

Cincinnati and a Toe Situation [6.17][edit]

Soup Town and a Little Blonde Mongoose [6.18][edit]

Lumbar Support and Old Pork [6.19][edit]

Triple Dip and an Overhand Grip [6.20][edit]

Fingers Guns and a Beef Bourguignon [6.21][edit]

Crazy Hair and a Teeny Tiny Part of Canada [6.22][edit]

Season 7[edit]

Audrey Hepburn and a Jalapeño Pepper [7.01][edit]

Pop Pop and a Puma [7.02][edit]

Goat Yogurt and Ample Parking [7.03][edit]

Twirly Flippy Men and a Dirty Bird [7.04][edit]

Fake Bacon and a Plan to Kill All of Us [7.05][edit]

Wile E. Coyote and a Possessed Doll [7.06][edit]

Pork Butt and a Mall Walker [7.07][edit]

Hot Butter and Toxic Narcissism [7.08][edit]

Tuna Florentine and a Clean Handoff [7.09][edit]

Higgledy-Piggledy and a Cat Show [7.10][edit]

One Tiny Incision and a Coffin Dress [7.11][edit]

Silly Frills and a Depressed Garden Gnome [7.12][edit]

Dammit Sandra and Viking Ancestors [7.13][edit]

Cheddar Cheese and a Squirrel Circus [7.14][edit]

Somebody's Grandmother and the A-List [7.15][edit]

Judy Garland and a Sexy Troll Doll [7.16][edit]

Beef Baloney Dan and a Sarcastic No [7.17][edit]

A Judgy Face and Your Grandma's Drawers [7.18][edit]

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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