North (1994 film)
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- Directed by Rob Reiner, screenplay by Alan Zweibel and Andrew Scheinman, based on the novel North: The Tale of a 9-Year-Old Boy Who Becomes a Free Agent and Travels the World in Search of the Perfect Parents by Alan Zweibel.
- A bird in the hand is always greener than the grass under the other guy's bushes. It's a metaphor used by gardeners and landscaping people in general.
- North: Where the hell are my parents?
- Winchell: North, did you say the word hell? My, the summer's really broadened you.
- North: Winchell, I've got exactly 10 minutes to find my parents, and if you don't tell me where they are, I'll show you how the summer's broadened me, you little asshole!
- North: How does that get me into a good college?
- Governor Ho: Well since we don't use the letters B, C, D, and F, you're pretty much guaranteed to get straight As.
- North: What are you doing here?
- Gabby: Well, I finished all my chores, I thought I'd get a little shootin' in.
- North: No, I mean, have you ever been an Easter Bunny?
- Gabby: Easter Bunny?
- Pa Tex: Careful, son, Gabby's killed men for less than that.
- North: Oh, sorry.
- Gabby: No harm done.
- Ma Tex: [to North] We'd like you show you how much we're looking forward to having you as our new son. Ready, Pa?
- Pa Tex: Ready, Ma!
- Ma Tex: [singing] We had a son who was trampled by a ton of longhorns, but you're very cute to fill his boots as flat as they may be.
- Pa Tex: [singing] You'll yell "yippee-yi=yo" with the rodeo 'til the day's done.
- Ma Tex: [singing] Then you'll make a lot of pals with buffalo gals.
- Pa Tex: [whispering] Just leave some for me!
- Ma Tex: Hey, there!
- Ma Tex, Pa Tex: [singing with a chorus] We'll barbecue steaks and stew, feed you pumpkin pie, 'til your can's bigger than the big ol' Texas sky!
- Ma Tex: [singing] You'll grow tall and play football, be famous!
- Pa Tex: [singing] You'll grow more, own a chain of stores, marry Betty Lou!
- Ma Tex, Pa Tex: [singing with a chorus] Oh, North, North! Grow more!
- [song ends]
- Pa Tex: 'Nother rib, son?
- News Reporter: Arthur Belt, the rising politician who drafted the bill...
- Arthur Belt: [Winchell shuts off the TV] Wait! They were talking about me!
- Winchell: Relax, Arthur, pretty soon you'll be hearing your name so much even YOU will be sick of it.
- Arthur Belt: I highly doubt it.
- North's hopping mad with his parents, and now he's off on a world wide adventure!
- Ever wonder what your life would be like with different parents? A boy named North did.
- A family comedy that appeals to the child in everyone.
Quotes about the film
- I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.
- The premise of North sounds flat, the previews look insipid, and, while the movie doesn't turn out nearly as bad as either would lead you to believe, North is still a lackluster production.
- Elijah Wood — North
- Bruce Willis — the Narrator / Easter Bunny / Cowboy (Gabby) / Tourist / Sleigh driver / Joey Fingers / FedEx truck driver
- Jon Lovitz — Arthur Belt
- Jason Alexander — North's father
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus — North's mother
- Alan Arkin — Judge Buckle
- Dan Aykroyd — Pa Tex
- Reba McEntire — Ma Tex