Queer Duck is an American animated series produced by Icebox.com that originally appeared on Icebox.com and later moved to the American cable television channel Showtime in 2000, where it aired as a follow-up feature of the American version of Queer as Folk. Although far from being the first gay cartoon character, Queer Duck was the first animated TV series to have homosexuality as its predominant theme. Like several later television cartoons, Queer Duck was animated in Macromedia Flash.
I'm Coming Out
- Mr. Duckstein: So son, when are you going to get yourself a girlfriend and give us some grandchildren?
- Queer Duck: Well, gee, dad I guess I haven't found the right girl.
- Openly Gator: [Under his breath] Yeah... one with a penis.
- Mr. Duckstein: What was that?
- Queer Duck: Mother? Father? ...I'm gay!
- Queer Duck: [Asking him if he'll come out to his parents.] What about you, Bi-Polar Bear?
- Bi-Polar Bear: I already told my father, he was totally shocked... and so was his boyfriend! [Laughs]
Fiddler on the Roofies
- [After Queer Duck turns off the porno]
- Little Lucky: Hey! I was watching that!
- Openly Gator: [Handing him a drink] Here! [Little Lucky drinks it]
- Little Lucky: Why did you turn it off? I'm gonna---[Passes out]
- Queer Duck: [To Openly Gator] Did you give my nephew a roofie?
- Openly Gator: ...Half!
- Openly Gator: The whole party's coming back to me! This place was wall-to-wall cock! [Sees Little Lucky] coke! We were doing coke...a-cola. We drank Coca Cola and Mountain Dew and Doctor Poppers--eh Pepper!
- Queer Duck: Go back to bed.
- Openly Gator: Good idea...
- Little Lucky: Who was that?
- Queer Duck: The boogeyman.
- Gay Dog: I've slept with seven men in my... in my li... in my.. li
- Queer Duck: In your lunch break?
- Gay Dog: In my life!
- Queer Duck: And you call yourself a homosexual?!? Please!
- Gay Dog: I'm a recovering homosexual!
- Homosexual Re-Progamer: [Talking to Queer Duck and gay animals.] I want you to stop obsessing over other men and start obsessing over Jesus!
- Queer Duck: You mean that shirtless guy with the nice abs?
- Homosexual Re-Programer: That's him!
- [Queer Duck makes a prank phone call to Dr. Laura's show and the group shares high fives]
- Queer Duck: Openly Gator!
- Openly Gator: Christ! I nearly wet myself!
- Queer Duck: Bipolar Bear!
- Bipolar Bear: I nearly wet him too! [laughs]
- Queer Duck: Oscar Wildcat!
- Oscar Wildcat: I haven't seen such urbane gay wit since they canceled Gomer Pyle!
B.S. I Love You
- Queer Duck: If it's a crime to love Barbara Streisand, then lock me up! [Queer Duck appears in a prison cell] Seventy-five years without parole? Oh, my gay stars!
- [Wolf whistle]
- Prisoner: You sure got a pretty beak!
- Queer Duck: [Impersonating BS] Why hello gorgeous!
- [Waiting in a long line for Barbara Streisand tickets.]
- Queer Duck: Come on, come on, let's get moving!
- Gator: This is like a gay-pride pirade in slow motion.
- Bi-Polar Bear: Welcome to homos in slow-mo. [laughs then pauses] I'll be quiet.
- Wildcat: You do that.
- Openly Gator: [seeing his nose twisted by the weights] I'm a freak!
- Queer Duck: No! You look cute with your little... turned up nose.
- [Queer Duck is giving the Minotaur a massage and he seems to be enjoying it]
- Minotaur: Man, you should teach this to my wife!
- Queer Duck: You're wife?!? [applies a pressure hold and makes the Minotaur pass out]
Queer as Fowl
- Queer Duck: Bipolar Bear, will you pound the organ?
- Bipolar Bear: Ya betcher booty! But first I'll play some music! [laughs]
- Queer Duck: Its like a convent in here! Hundreds of Marys all dressed in black!
Wedding Bell Blues
- Queer Duck: I, Adam Seymour Duckstein take you, Steven Arlo as my one and only. Unless you're out of town, or we have a really big fight, or when its one part of a man's body coming through a hole in the wall... [hours pass, the sun sets] ...and it doesn't count as cheating if its a threesome, or that really cute delivery boy! Uhm... amen?
- Openly Gator: [emotionally] Oh, Queer Duck! You really do love me!
- [In the midst a plane crash.]
- Openly Gator: Queer Duck, if we survive this plane crash, will you marry me?
- Queer Duck: Ah, we're not going to survive this are we?
- Openly Gator: No.
- Queer Duck: Then sure!
Ku Klux Klan and Ollie
- Openly Gator: For the last time, Charlton Heston was not gay!
- Queer Duck: Oh, please! He wore a skirt in every picture he was in!
- Bipolar Bear: I heard the original title of Ben Hur was Ben Gay! [Laughs]
- Ku Klux Klan Member: Are you doing something Queer in there?
- Queer Duck: Yeah, your son is giving me a lap dance.
- Oscar Wildcat: [Attempting to disguise his voice] I was just wondering how much rat poison it would take to kill an old lady. I've already added a lot, and so far she just seems to like that taste!
Tales of the City Morgue
- [Bipolar Bear is told by the aliens they will just drop him off]
- Bipolar Bear: What? No anal probe?
- Alien: We... don't really do that.
- Bipolar Bear: Come on! You're not going to give me the anal probe? I'm missing Rosie for this!
- Alien: Very well... prepare the... anal probulator...
- Alien 1: We can take a more pleasing form [Transforms into a Barbara Eden-esque woman]
- Bipolar Bear: You are way off!
- Alien 2: You're gay, aren't you?
- Alien 1: Why are the good ones always gay?
Bi Polar Bear and the Glorious Hole
- Narrator: So after a quick stop at the local rubber tree, Queer Duck and Openly Gator attended to the task at hand...
- Queer Duck: [Motioning to Bipolar Bear's butt] You first!
- Openly Gator: No, no. Age before beauty!
- Openly Gator: That was so embarrassing, you got us kicked out of Wiener Dog.
- Queer Duck: I just assumed it was a gay bar.
- Openly Gator: You think everywhere is a gay bar.
Santa Claus is Coming Out
- Queer Duck: Santa Claus is bi, my oh my!
- Santa: There's nothing that I won't try!
- Openly Gator: So lets all cheer, 'cause Santa's queer!
- All: [Singing in Harmony] Santa Claus is gaaaaay!
- Santa: Queer Duck, you shouldn't say things about people if you don't know them!
- Queer Duck: So... you're not gay?
- Santa: I am all things to all people!
- Queer Duck: So you're bisexual?
- Santa: Ho ho ho! Exactly!
Mardi Foie Gras
- Bi-Polar Bear: I love mardi gras, even though I don't know what it is.
- Wildcat: It's french for "Everybody's Gay."