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Recess: School's Out

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Recess: School's Out is a 2001 British/American animated comedy adventure film based on the Disney television series Recess. This film was produced by Walt Disney Pictures and was released theatrically nationwide on February 16, 2001. It was released on home video and DVD on August 7, 2001. And now, Walt Disney Entertainment Group are: The Groovy Green Tambourine by Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Daisy Duck and Donald Duck on (2001 VHS) and Myra: Dancing in the Street (2004 VHS).

Rated

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G

Dialogue

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King Bob: I, King Bob, as my last official act before entering middle school, [takes off his helmet] hereby anoint this boy here [places helmet on Freddie's head] King Freddie II. [stamps the letter "F" on the helmet; to King Freddie II] May you boss around all of the kids with fairness.
Jerome: The King has graduated! Long live the King!
[Everyone cheers at King Bob's Graduation Ceremony, as the Safety Rangers play "Hail to the Chief" with their kazoos]
Captain Brad: [shouting at the Safety Rangers] Elbow up! Eyes forward! You call that kazoo playing?!
Ashley B.: Ah, ceremony.
Ashley Q.: I'm, like, moved, Ashley A.
Ashley A.: Say what you want about their personal lives, Ashley Q. The royals have such style.
Miss Finster: My ice cream! Stop it! Stop it, I say! You little monsters are in trouble now! Just wait 'till Principal Prickly hears about this!
Principal Prickly: [over speaker] Attention, students, this is Principal Prickly talking.
Miss Finster: [impressed but surprised] Well, that was fast.
Principal Prickly: Some of you may have noticed ice cream on the playground. I want you to know that I will not stand for this. This ice cream should be eaten immediately.
Miss Finster: [shocked] Huh?
[The kids shrug, and go back to enjoying themselves.]
Principal Prickly: In addition, I want you to all ignore Miss Finster, no matter what she says, about ice cream or anything else!
[The kids cheer.]
Miss Finster: [stunned] This can't be happening.
Principal Prickly: Furthermore, I want to inform you all that I have a fat, saggy butt, which I like to scratch every hour on the hour.
[The kids burst out laughing, and the camera zooms behind the school, revealing that Gretchen and T.J. have hijacked the speakers, with Gretchen at the controls of the Voice-Changing machine, and T.J. imitating Prickly's voice through a microphone.]
T.J.: Also, I want to apologize to all of you, for being such a mean principal, taking away hall passes, giving guys recess detention, refusing to accept sick notes, just because it doesn't look like a guy's mom's signature, making kids stand at the wall for 10 whole minutes, with no break. Man, I feel ashamed of myself for all the terrible, rotten things I've done. And next year, I promise to-- [pauses as a magnificent shadow looms over him; it is Principal Prickly, scowling at him] [nervously] Why, Principal Prickly, sir, what a surprise.
Vince: Man, Teej, that prank was sweet.
Spinelli: Yeah, you should've seen the look on Finster's face. I thought she was gonna blow a gasket.
Mikey: Those limesicles were tasty.
T.J.: A tasty beginning to a tasty summer. Twelve weeks of nothing but riding bikes, hanging out at the lake and T.P.-ing the West Side Golf Course. Summer vacation, the ultimate recess.
Vince: Yeah, I can't wait to get to baseball camp.
T.J.: [stops walking; having to have heard that] Baseball camp? What are you talking about?
Spinelli: Actually, Teej, I'm gonna be out of town too. See, the Big Time Wrestling Federation has this training camp, and I gotta learn some new moves if I'm ever gonna turn pro.
T.J.: But, Spinelli.
Gus: It's Military Camp for me. My dad says I need to learn to be a leader.
Gretchen: I shall be attending the Mt. Van Buren Space Camp. Don't wanna let those science geeks get ahead of me.
T.J.: You mean, you're all going to camp?
Mikey: Not me.
T.J.: [relieved, or so he thought] Thank goodness.
Mikey: The Young Voices Training Program doesn't like the word "camp." They provide opportunities for aspiring singers to train their voices in a rigorous yet supportive setting.
T.J.: But summer's gonna be ruined. What am I gonna do? Play baseball by myself? Watch reruns? Read?!
Vince: Sorry, man, but we gotta think about our future.
Spinelli: Yeah, we can't waste the whole summer just fooling around like kids.
T.J.: But we are kids!
Gretchen: Actually, as of the completion of fourth grade, we are technically considered pre-young adults.
Mikey: And next year we won't even be pre.
T.J.: But… [sighs, understanding his friends are right] All right, let's make the most of the time we've got left. When do you all leave?
Vince: First thing in the morning.
T.J.: Oh, man.
[Next morning, all the kids are saying goodbye to their families before boarding their buses for camp]
Gretchen: Well, there's my bus. Better get going.
[Evening at the Detweiler house; the Detweilers are eating dinner at the table]
T.J.: Hey, Dad, what do they use the school for during the summer?
Mr. Detweiler: The school? They lock it up, it's empty. Why?
T.J.: Well, today when I was riding by, I saw this really scary looking guy and--
Mrs. Detweiler: Oh, I'm sure he was just cleaning up.
T.J.: I don't know. I think something weird's going on in there. Something really weird.
Mrs. Detweiler: [sighs; to her husband] Mrs. LaSalle was right. We should've sent him to some kind of camp.
[Next morning, T.J. hides in a bush, watching Kojak (the bald guy) standing by the school gate]
T.J.: [takes out his tape recorder to take notes] 9:32 A.M. Ugly bald guy still guarding the school. [looks through binoculars and sees some vehicles approaching; speaks into tape recorder] 9:32-and-a-half A.M. Grownups wrong. School's not empty. [looks through binoculars, seeing a green light coming through the cafeteria windows; speaks into tape recorder] 9:32 and three quarters. Green glow in window again. I'm going in for a closer look.
T.J.: [running back to his house, after discovering what is going on in the school] MOM! MOM! [accidentally runs into the sliding glass door]
Mrs. Detweiler: T.J.! Are you all right?
T.J.: Mom! There's guys at the school! They're doing some kind of evil experiment!
Mrs. Detweiler: Oh, dear. That bonk on the head must have rattled your little brain.
T.J.: But, Mom--
Mrs. Detweiler: [feeling his head] You're feverish! You wait right here. I'll go get the baby thermometer and the petroleum jelly.
T.J.: Uh... Dad, Dad! [He runs to the garage, where his father is fixing the car.] Dad!
Mr. Detweiler: What is it, boy?
T.J.: Those evil bad guys have got a laser beam, and they're lifting the safe--
Mr. Detweiler: [rolls out from under the car] T.J., did you run into the sliding glass door again?
T.J.: No, but-- Yeah, but-- [frustrated] GAAAH! [runs off]
Mr. Detweiler: Come back! Your mom's gonna want to take your temperature!
T.J.: [walks out of the police station] Laugh at me, will ya?! I'm gonna be a taxpayer someday!
T.J.: [runs back to his house after Principal Prickly got dematerialized; takes out his tape recorder] 11:57 A.M. Principal Prickly dematerialized in horrifying field of electricity. The cops won't listen. Mom and Dad won't listen. I gotta get the guys together. It's the only way! [runs up to Becky's room for help]
Becky: [on the phone] Like, I am so through with him, Melissa. He asked me if I spoke French and then winked at me.
T.J.: Becky, you gotta help me! I need a ride up to Chesterville, pronto!
Becky: Are you kidding? I'm not doing anything for you, you little dork.
T.J.: [takes her sister's diary out of his jacket pocket; clears throat and reads] "Oh, how I dream of the mustache fuzz on Jimmy's sweaty lips, glistening as he cooks in the light of a dozen hamburger heat lamps."
Becky: Hey, that's my diary! Give me that!
T.J.: Ah-ah-ah! I've got copies. Now either you give me a ride, or this baby hits the Internet.
[Becky sulks in annoyance; later, they're driving along the highway]
T.J.: Thanks for driving me, Becky. You're the sweetest big sister a kid could ask.
Becky: And you are the annoying pet monkey I wish I never got!
T.J.: Hey, I try to keep things interesting. Oh, next rest stop, pull in. I gotta take care of business.
[T.J. has just arrived to pick up Vince from baseball camp]
Vince: T.J., what are you doing here?
T.J.: You've got to come back to town. It's an emergency.
Vince: What? I can't just leave.
T.J.: Look, something weird is going on at the school. Principal Prickly got dematerialized!
Vince: "Dematerialized"? T.J., you're crazy.
T.J.: [holding up Principal Prickly's burnt golf shoes] Am I?
[Vince gasps in shock of horror; Later in the car…]
Becky: Mt. Van Buren? That's 20 miles away. I'm not taking you there.
T.J.: [takes out her diary; reading] "Dear Diary, I dreamed of Jimmy again. He was rocking me so gently, just like he rocks the grease off a basket of hot and steamy onion rings."
Vince: Whoa! Let me look at that.
Becky: [moans in annoyance] Jerks.
[T.J. and Vince arrive at Space Camp to pick up Gretchen]
Gretchen: T.J.? Vince? What are you guys doing here?
T.J.: You're not gonna believe this, but…
[Cut to them in the car]
Gretchen: [shocked] "Dematerialized"?!
T.J.: Just like out of Star Trek.
Gretchen: Fascinating.
T.J.: Thanks a lot, sis.
Becky: [annoyingly] You owe me gas money. [drives off]
Vince: Okay, Teej, you were right. Something weird is going on in the school. And Prickly must be in on it.
Gus: I say we go to the police.
T.J.: I already went to the police. I went to everyone. Nobody'll listen.
Gretchen: What we need is proof.
Vince: Proof? How are we gonna get proof?
T.J.: I got a plan. A stakeout.
Vince: A stakeout?
T.J.: Yeah. We can stay up in my treehouse and watch the school every night until something happens.
Spinelli: Like one of them TV cop shows.
T.J.: Sure. And the next time those laser guys make a move, we'll catch 'em red-handed.
Gretchen: We can take pictures with my night-vision digital cam.
Gus: Then we call in the feds and, bang, we got 'em.
Vince: Only one problem-- what about camp?
Gus: Oh, yeah. If my dad finds out I've gone AWOL, he'll throw me in the brig till September.
T.J.: Not to worry. All I gotta do is get Becky to drive you guys back to camp in the morning, and then at night, we'll pick you up again. You'll be campers by day, spies by night.
Gus: But what if the camp counselors notice we're not there?
T.J.: Leave that to me.
[The gang is hanging out in T.J.'s treehouse in the backyard]
Vince: [watching the school through night-vision digital camera] Infrared night vision, 200-to-1 zoom. I gotta hand it to you, Gretch. You can see the whole school with this thing.
Gretchen: You can make lots of handy devices out of the spare parts in a family's garage. I once fashioned a particle accelerator out of a broken hair dryer and a four slice toaster oven.
Spinelli: [reading Becky's diary] "Tonight, the magical moment arrived. We met behind the drive-thru menu and kissed passionately as the sound of the deep fat fryer faded into the night." [laughs along with Gus] Man, I wish I had an older sister.
Mikey: Laugh if you will. I think it's beautiful.
T.J.: [showing up] Sorry I'm late, guys. But I had to wait till my mom and dad fell asleep before I could sneak out with the goodies. [holds up his backpack with roast beef and mashed potatoes in plastic bags]
Mikey: [gasps] Roast beef and mashed potatoes! My favorite! [scarfs down some roast beef]
T.J.: I also managed to swipe this. [takes out a large tub of Rocky Road ice cream]
Mikey: [gasps again] Rocky Road! My other favorite!
Spinelli: Hey, give me some of that!
[Vince and Gus join in]
Gretchen: Excuse me, but, aren't we supposed to eat dinner before dessert?
[The others look at her for a quick pause, and then laugh hysterically]
Spinelli: Good one, Gretch!
Vince: Man, you were right, Teej. This is the life.
Spinelli: Hanging out with your friends, eating ice cream, spying on bad guys.
Gus: It's the ultimate kid experience.
Gretchen: Too bad these days are numbered.
Vince: Yeah, this probably the last summer we'll get to do stuff like this.
T.J.: Kinda whomps, huh?
Spinelli: Hey, remember that summer after 2nd grade when we went down to the pond every day to catch minnows?
Gretchen: Or how about that summer we all carved our initials in that big tree in the Wilsons' backyard?
Vince: And Spinelli spelled hers wrong.
Spinelli: Hey, I was seven, and S's are tricky. [notices Gus sobbing] What's your problem? This is the first summer you've lived here.
Gus: I know. And I'll never have any of those memories. [hugs his arms around Gretchen as she comforts him]
Mikey: Know what I'll never forget? That song T.J.'s sister taught us the first summer after Kindergarten.
T.J.: [remembers] Oh, yeah. Back when she was nice.
[Next morning; T.J. pops from behind a bush across the street from the school while his friends are back at camp]
T.J.: [takes out tape recorder] 10:41 A.M. Gang back at camp. I'm going in alone. [runs to the school and looks through the window, then hears voices and crawls into the dumpster to hide, ending up finding Principal Prickly's golf pants] Hey. [takes out tape recorder] 10:43 A.M. I found what appear to be... Principal Prickly's golf pants?
[Later that night at the treehouse…]
Gretchen: [examining the pants with a magnifying glass] Double-knit polyester. These are Prickly's all right.
Spinelli: But why would the bald guy wanna pretend to be Principal Prickly?
Vince: And where's the real Principal Prickly anyway?
Gretchen: [digs into in the pants' pocket, feeling something inside] Wait a minute. There's something in here. [pulls out a note that reads…] "Help me?"
Mikey: It sounds like a desperate cry for help!
Vince: Then Principal Prickly must still be in the school.
Gus: Being held captive!
T.J.: You know what that means, don't you guys? [determined] We gotta go in there and save him. [he and his friends gear up with weapons and gadgets] Bikes?
Vince: Check.
T.J.: Walkie-talkie?
Gus: Check.
T.J.: Rope with pointy thing?
Mikey: [holding the rope with a grappling hook] Check.
T.J.: Good. Then let's go.
[They set off to the school on their bikes to start their rescue mission]
Spinelli: I still say this is nuts. I mean, breaking out of the school I understand, but breaking in?
Vince: [seeing that they've hidden in their old classroom] Hey, this is our old room.
Gus: I hope somebody's feeding the gerbil.
T.J.: [hearing voices talking] Shh. I hear something.
[They walk around the classroom finding where the voices are coming from]
Gretchen: [points up to a vent] It's coming from up there.
[The gang crawl through the vent towards the auditorium, following the sound of voices talking; the auditorium is filled with machines, scientists, and guards]
Spinelli: Whoa, what is all this stuff?
Gretchen: Well, against the far wall is what looks to be a plutonium turbine. Closer ahead, you'll absorb a global electrode. To your right is the laser device we saw earlier, and of course, that glowing orb-- an electron pulse generator. Clearly, the nerve center of the system.
T.J.: [quietly] Shh! The bad guys are talking.
Lazenby: But, Dr. Benedict, please.
Benedict: No, let me make this clear to you, Lazenby. We have a thing called a "window of opportunity". If we miss the window of opportunity, then the project fails! And if the project fails, then I get very, very ANGRY!
Fenwick: But they may have a point, sir. It seems the logistical problems are a bit more complicated than Dr. Steinheimer thought!
Steinheimer: Yes, it would be a lot easier if we could move the laser to a more appropriate location.
Benedict: This operation will be executed as planned, from right here! Have I made myself clear?!
Lazenby: But sir--
Benedict: NO BUTS! It started at Third Street, it is going to END at Third Street!
Mikey: [has the sudden feeling he's about to burp] Uh-oh.
T.J.: What is it?
Mikey: I got that feeling, T.J.!
Spinelli: Hot it in, big guy. Hold it in!
Mikey: I can't! [covers his mouth and belches so loud, it echoes throughout the auditorium]
Fenwick: [hearing that] What was that?
Benedict: Someone had better say, "Excuse me." [the gang fall out of the vent, getting themselves caught] Fenwick, who let children into the school?
Fenwick: Uh, not me, sir.
Benedict: WELL, GET THEM!
T.J.: RUN!!!
Gus: Ninjas! Why did they have to be ninjas?!
Kojak (Bald Guy): Well, well, well, if it ain't the little snoop!
T.J.: What?! I ain't no snoop! [Kojak (Bald Guy) plays the tape recorder; voice on tape] 9:32 A.M. Ugly bald guy still the guarding school. [chuckles nervously] Oops.
Kojak (Bald Guy): Let's go, snoop. You're in big trouble now.
T.J.: [being dragged] Ow! Ow! Hey, watch the jacket, it's cotton! [gets thrown into a storage closet and sees Principal Prickly in a chair, with his hands tied behind his back and his mouth taped up] Principal Prickly! You're alive! [takes the tape off Prickly's mouth]
Principal Prickly: Ow! Would you be careful?!
T.J.: Boy, am I glad to see you, sir? You won't believe what these guys are doing in the auditorium. They got this big laser gun and-- [notices him in his golf underwear] Whoa, who took your pants?
Cop #1: So you're saying you just escaped from a troop of ninja warriors?
Vince: That's right!
Cop #2: And they got a giant laser gun in the school's auditorium?
Gretchen: Precisely!
Cop #1: Which is aimed at the moon?
Mikey: Thank heavens you understand!
[The two cops burst out laughing]
[Benedict is interrogating TJ and Principal Prickly in the dungeon]
Benedict: Oh, Pete, come on. There's no need to be rude. Not after I instructed my men to take such special care of you.
Prickly: "Special care"?! That's what you call gagging me, tying me up and taking away my pants?!
Benedict: Had to, Pete. Otherwise you might run off and betray me, like you did the last time! But, hey, look at the bright side. At least you've got company now.
Prickly: Let the boy go, Phil. He can't do anything to you.
Benedict: Same old noble Pete. Always standing up for the rights of children.
T.J.: [surprised, to Prickly] You?
Benedict: But unfortunately, I can't let anybody go right now. You see, this experimental night school that I'm running is kind of a secret. I'm trying to show that my... adult students can be trained to be capable and productive members of society.
T.J.: Oh, yeah?! Well, if you're just running a night school, then what's that giant laser gun doing in the auditorium?! [Kojak (Bald Guy) forces him down in a chair]
Benedict: [contemptuously] What a rude and badly dressed little boy you are. [turns to Prickly] You know, you should teach your pupils a little respect for their superiors, Pete. But that would mean that you'd have to know how to teach them anything at all, wouldn't it?
Benedict: [threateningly vowing, in flashback] You took my chick. You took my job. Well, enjoy it while you can, Petey boy, 'cause you're gonna pay! Somehow, someway, you're gonna pay.
Prickly: I never saw Phillium again. He quit teaching, went into politics. Eventually became Secretary of Education - until the President fired him for trying to get rid of recess again. Only this time it was nationwide.
T.J.: So that guy's some weirdo ex-teacher who wants to get rid of recess?
Prickly: [nodding] Mm-hmm.
T.J.: Okay. Now it's personal.
[T.J. and Principal Prickly crawl through the vent and enter the office]
T.J.: [picks up the phone to call for help] Dang! The line's dead. Hey, Principal Prickly, what did you do with the walkie-talkie you confiscated from me last week?
Prickly: Top drawer, on the right. Just look what Phil's done to my office. I had it all nice and clean for the summer.
T.J.: [opens up the right top drawer of the desk and digs through] Packs of gum, yo-yos, my old baseball… Hey, I've been looking for this. Ah, here it is, my walkie-talkie. Now all I gotta do is contact the guys and-- [sees something shocking on the wall; horrified] Oh, no.
Prickly: What is it, Detweiler? [looks up at the wall; shocked] I told 'em that guy was a nut.
T.J.: [through walkie-talkie] Hello? Hello, is anybody there?
Vince: It's T.J.! T.J., buddy, you okay?
T.J.: [on walkie-talkie] Yeah, I'm fine, and so is Principal Prickly.
Vince: [through walkie-talkie] Principal Prickly? But, how--
T.J.: Look, I don't have time to explain, but I think we've figured out what Benedict is up to. He's trying… to get rid of summer vacation!
[The wall shows a "No Summer Vacation" graffiti]
Mikey: NO!!!!!
T.J.: Guys, guys, don't freak out on me. I got a plan. All we gotta do is… [Kojak (Bald Guy) swipes the walkie-talkie out of his hands; chuckles nervously] Why, Mr. Bald Guy, what a surprise.
Spinelli: T.J.! T.J.!
Gretchen: It's dead!
Mikey: They must've got him!
Gus: What are we gonna do?! What are we gonna do?!
Vince: [determined] There's only one thing we can do… We gotta get help.
[Around dawn, the five show up in the drive-thru of Floppy Burger to talk to Becky in getting her help]
Becky: [through speaker box] Bow-wow! Good morning. Welcome to Floppy Burger. May I take your order, please?
Vince: Becky, this is Vince.
Becky: Vince? What are you doing here?
Spinelli: It's not just Vince. It's me, Gretchen, and everybody. We got a problem!
Becky: Yeah, well, I got a problem too… It's called six dweeby 10-year-olds who won't leave me alone, even when I'm at work. I am a professional! So whatever your little problem is, forget it!
Gretchen: But it's about T.J.
Gus: He's in trouble and he needs your help!
Becky: Well, isn't that nice? After stealing my diary, threatening to put it on the Internet, and making me drive across the state three times, he needs my help?! Give me one good reason why I should help him. Just one!
Mikey: [serious] 'Cause he's your little brother and he needs you.
Becky: Please pull forward to the second drive-thru window.
Benedict: [looking at T.J.'s walkie-talkie] A confiscated walkie-talkie. Why do you do these things to me, Pete? Do you enjoy tormenting me? Do you hate me?
Prickly: I don't hate you, Phil. I just think you're insane!
Benedict: [laughs dryly] "Insane". Well, there you go again, Pete. Insulting me, hurting my feelings, just like thirty years ago. Only this time, Petey, I'm ready. [looking out Principal Prickly's office window] You see, all those years, no matter how big I got, no matter how successful, I always thought about you. [angrily] How you embarrassed me! How you humiliated me! How you destroyed my relationship with Muriel Finster, the only woman I ever loved!''
T.J.: [aside, to Prickly] That part still grosses me out, sir.
Prickly: Shh!
Benedict: But this time, Pete, I'm gonna humiliate you. This time, I'm gonna prove to the world that you were wrong and I was right!
Prickly: About what?
Benedict: About recess! About freedom! About test scores! I found a way to prove my theory. I'm gonna get rid of the biggest recess of 'em all - I am gonna get rid of summer vacation!
T.J.: [enraged] You FIEND!
Benedict: "Fiend". You try to help people, that's the thanks you've had.
Prickly: It'll never work, Phil.
Benedict: Well, actually, Pete, that's where you're wrong. [presses a red button on a remote and a holographic globe and moon rise up from the floor] You see, all I have to do is modify the moon's orbit ever so slightly... [presses the red button] ...and tide levels on the Eastern Seaboard rise eight feet. Move the moon over here... [presses the red button again] ...and the currents that warm California suddenly become ice-cold. Summer, as we know it, will become a thing of the past. And without summer... [presses the red button, and the globe diagram grows icicles; T.J. and Prickly gasp in horror; grins deviously] No summer vacation.
T.J.: [vengefully] You'll never get away with this, Benedict!
Benedict: Oh yeah? Well, who's gonna stop me?
[Benedict locks T.J. and Principal Prickly in a birdcage to keep them from interfering with his plans to destroy summer vacation.]
T.J.: Help! Help! Somebody get us out of here!
Prickly: Calm down, Detweiler. I've got the--
T.J.: Calm down?! We're locked in a giant birdcage while a madman is out there trying to destroy summer vacation, and you want me to calm down?!
Prickly: I understand, but I--
T.J.: How can you understand?! You're just a grownup! What do YOU know about summer vacation?!
Prickly: [stands and puts his hands akimbo] I'll let you in on a little secret, Detweiler. Every adult you've ever known was a kid at some time in his life. You think we don't remember summer vacation? Riding bikes down by the creek, catching polliwogs in a jar, camping out under the stars? Well, you're wrong! [pause] Some days, I sit there in my office, looking out at you kids on the playground and I think, "They don't know how good they've got it. In a few years, they're all going to be grown-ups like me, and all those good times will be memories for them too". So go ahead. Put a whoopie-cushion in my chair. Cover my carpet with fake vomit. Make fun of my "big, saggy butt". But don't you ever say I don't care about summer vacation, because those memories are the last part of childhood I've got left.
T.J.: [surprised and moved] Principal Prickly... I had no idea...
Prickly: Yeah? Well, now you do. So let's stop messing around. [holds up keys]
T.J.: Hey! How did you get those keys?
Prickly: [unlocking the cage door] Swiped them off Phillium's desk when he wasn't looking. Now come on - we've got a summer vacation to save!
Gretchen: [trying to get all the kids' attention] People, people! Just quiet down for a moment!
Vince: Oh, man, nobody's listening.
Spinelli: They'll listen to me, once I introduce them to my good friend Madame Fist!
Vince: Come on, Spinelli. That's your answer for everything.
Spinelli: Well, I don't see you coming up with any great ideas, sports boy.
Mikey: Listen to the two of you. You're not helping things at all!
[The three start arguing]
Gus: [yelling] QUIET!!!!! [Spinelli, Vince, and Mikey all look at him] What we need is a leader. A kid with the right training. A kid who knows strategy and field tactics. A kid who commands respect.
Vince: Yeah, but where we gonna find a kid like that?
Gus: Leave that to me.
Gretchen: [whistles and all the kids finally get her attention] Please! We have to get organized.
Digger Sam: Ah, what's the use?
Ashley A.: Yeah. If what you say is true, all the fun of being a kid is, like, totally ruined anyway.
Upside-Down Girl: It's like the whole world's been turned right-side up!
Gretchen: Not necessarily. All we have to do is work together and come up with a plan.
Francis (Hustler Kid): Detweiler's the one who always comes up with the plans.
Digger Sam: Yeah, let's face it, we're doomed!
Spinelli: That's what you think! Kids of the playground, meet your new commanding officer.
[Gus steps out of the bushes, dressed up as a military commander]
Captain Brad: Griswald? He couldn't lead a glee club! [he and all the other kids laugh]
Gus: [marches over to him as he stops laughing; sharply] You find that funny, Bradley? Well, I'm not here to make jokes. I'm here to make history! So if you wanna laugh, take it somewhere else! But if you wanna save the world, then suck in your gut and stand at attention! [Brad does so; to the others] Now who's with me?
[Principal Prickly and TJ are dressed as guards]
Prickly: You sure this is going to work, Detweiler?
TJ: Come on, Principal Prickly. Don't you watch old spy movies? This trick is pure gold. [they walk up two guards] [deep voice] Uh, Dr. Benedict wanted to speak to us about a very important matter.
Guard #1: [quickly recognizes them] Hey, you two aren't guards!
T.J.: [normal voice; to Prickly, alarmed] Run! [he and Prickly take off down the hall with the guards in pursuit]
Gretchen: Don't do it, Dr. Benedict!
Benedict: Don't do it? You think after all this planning, all this work, you can get me to stop just by saying "don't do it"?
Mikey: What if we add "please"?
Benedict: You kids just don't get it, do you? Well, let me explain this in a way your uneducated brains will understand. The American public thinks test scores are too low. But if a person, say me, could make test scores go up, why, everybody would feel better. They might even elect that person President of the United States. Now, do you have any idea which countries have the highest test scores?
Gretchen: Uh, Japan?
Vince: Germany?
Mikey: Tierra del Fuego?
Benedict: CANADA! ICELAND! NORWAY! And why? Because it's snowing up there all the time! Kids don't waste their summers playing ball, they're inside studying. And that is why I'm getting rid of summer vacation once and for all.
T.J.: [facing him; bravely] You got it all wrong, old man! Your plan'll never work! Sure, maybe your crazy laser beam can move the moon, maybe you can even make it snow all summer, maybe you can get rid of long afternoons playing baseball, or sunny days down by the lake, or warm nights camping out under the stars. But that won't stop us! We'll ride out bikes through the snow, we'll play kickball in the slush, we'll camp out in igloos! You may take away summer, but you'll never take away summer vacation!
Benedict: Well, I can try.
Benedict: [when Miss Finster drops down from the roof window; surprised] Muriel, it's you. You're still a vision of loveliness.
Miss Finster: Yeah? And you're still a two-bit, recess-hating pretty boy.
Benedict: That hurt, Muriel. But I'll forgive you if you'll just come back to me.
Miss Finster: Ha! I'd rather eat playground dirt.
Benedict: That can be arranged, my dear.
Miss Finster: Not before I take you down.
Benedict: Take me down? Yeah, right. You and what army?
Miss Finster: Me and this army!
[Miss Lemon, Miss Grotke, and the other school faculty drop down]
Gus: [surprised] The teachers!
Benedict: GET THEM!
Benedict: [looking at the ruins of the destroyed tractor beam] All my plans, my hopes and dreams... ruined. [falls on his knees; wailing in defeat] RUINED!!! [The kids all cheer for victory; Later, he is arrested for his crimes when the cops escort him and Fenwick out of the school] Get your hands off the suit, you classless feeb! I am the former Secretary of Education!
Cop #2: Yeah, yeah. And I'm the former princess of Morocco. Get in the car.
Fenwick: But, it's all his fault. I was only following orders. I'll turn state's evidence.
Randall: Geez, what a squealer.
Mrs. Detweiler: What an exciting summer. T.J. saved the world and Becky made assistant fry chef at Floppy Burger!
Mr. Detweiler: Come on, Ellie. The reporters want to talk to us about how we raised a hero.
T.J.: Listen, Becky, I heard about how you saved my life and everything, and, well, here, I think this is yours. [takes out her diary, giving it back to her]
Becky: My diary? I can't believe it. You realize this means you don't have any leverage over me anymore?
T.J.: Hey, what can I say? Maybe I'm just growing up.
Becky: Gee, you're an all right little brother after all.
[last lines]
T.J.: Principal Prickly?
Principal Prickly: Huh? Oh, it's you, Detweiler. I was just cleaning up this mess Phillium left. Guy always was a packrat. Look at this. Norwegian weather map. From 1956!
T.J.: Listen, sir. I never really got a chance to thank you for all the stuff you did. Quitting your golf game, telling Benedict to let me go, helping me save the world and junk.
Principal Prickly: Actually, Detweiler, I'm the one who should be thanking you.
T.J.: Huh?
Principal Prickly: You did me a big favor by dragging me into this mess. See, I didn't get into teaching for the promotions, or the pension plans, or so I could get to the golf course by 3:45. I-- I... did it because I wanted to help you kids. And I'd forgotten that. [looks at his peace necklace] 'Til today.
[There is a knock at the window; T.J.'s friends are waiting outside]
Vince: Come on, Teej!
Spinelli: The pond awaits!
T.J.: I'll be there in a second!
Principal Prickly: Hey, it's a gorgeous summer day and your pals are waiting. Go have some fun while you can...Teej.
T.J.: You got it...Pete.
[Prickly smiles friendly; T.J. opens window and jumps out and runs with his friends and Prickly puts on his peace necklace as "Let the Sunshine In" by The 5th Dimension plays in the background]
Principal Prickly: [calling after T.J.] But don't forget- come September, you're mine! I haven't forgotten that "saggy butt" comment!
T.J.: Hey, September is a long way off!
[Prickly smiles at T.J. and his friends, and looks at his peace necklace as the camera pans around 3rd Street School, and T.J. and his friends enjoy the rest of summer as the screen fades to black]

Cast

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