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- The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.
- Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work; I merely inflict myself upon the public.
- Films and Filming vol. 8 (1961)
- Fat men get knocked over by buses no earlier, nor later, than thin men. And I, for one, have buried most of my thin friends.
- Explaining why he never tried to lose weight.
- Toledo Blade (August 20, 1978)