Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode II

From Wikiquote
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Robot Chicken: Star Wars Episode II is a 2008 episode of the television comedy series Robot Chicken, and the sequel to the Annie Award winning Robot Chicken: Star Wars, which aired as a one-off special during Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block on November 16, 2008.


Mon Mothma: (to Restaurant waiter) I'll have the calimari.
Admiral Ackbar: (sarcastically) Well, I guess I'll have the insensitive bitch. With a side of (bleep) you!

[Scene opens to the interrogation scene aboard the Death Star with Darth Vader, Princess Leia and Dr. Ball floating into the room.]
Darth Vader: Make her tell us the location of the rebel base.
Dr. Ball: Good God, man! I'm a doctor, not a savage! This is a flu shot! [begins to float out of room] Good day sir!
Darth Vader: You will make her...
Dr. Ball: I said good day sir! [Floats out of room]
[Scene then opens into a sitcom like group of slides saying : Dr. Ball, M.D. With Larry Elsworth as Sam. Also shows Dr. Ball playing with a Twi'lek girl in a hot tub.]
[Scenes then opens to Medical Room at Echo Base with Leia, Han, C-3PO and a medical droid watching Luke float in a bacta tank as Dr. Ball floats in.]
Dr. Ball: What the?! Are you trying to drown that kid?! What are you injecting there? Is this the bloody Dark Ages?! Why don't you just throw some leeches in there?! Oh, nobody listen to Dr. Ball, he's just an old fool! [Floats off screen.]
[Scene shows him floating past rows of Stormtroopers.]
[Scene then opens to Medical Room at Polis Massa with Padme on the operating table with Obi-Wan, Yoda, Bail Organa, and some Polis Massians standing around her as Dr. Ball floats in.]
Dr. Ball: She's lost the will to live?! What is your degree in, poetry?! You sorry bunch of hippies! For God sakes, don't use the billions of dollars of medical equipment around us, why don't we all just get on our knees and pray? WE DON'T HAVE KNEES, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!
[Scene then quickly shows Dr. Ball returning to his office, then sketch ends.]

Darth Vader: Welcome, my master! The Death Star construction is proceeding...
Emperor Palpatine: (interrupting Vader) Yeah! Great! Fine! Whatever. That flight was a (bleep)ing nightmare. My stupid tray table broke and I ended up with a gallon of coffee in my crotch; it was like dunking my wang in hot lava. (nudging Vader) Something you have some experience with I guess, huh? Right?
Darth Vader: (shamefully) Yes...
(Palpatine chuckled. We cut to the conveyor belt)
Darth Vader: (to a black suitcase with a white stripe that is passing by Vader and Palpatine on a luggage conveyor belt) Is that yours?
Emperor Palpatine: No! For the hundredth time, that's that same stupid black bag. Mine doesn't have a stripe. It's like that stripey bag is mocking me. (flipped the bird) (Bleep) you, stripey bag. [beat] Well, my suitcase is gone! Sacrificed to the airport gods... Now I'm here for two (bleep)ing weeks with one (bleep)ing robe. And now it's sticking to me like a wet Kleenex. (A surfboard passes them on the conveyor) Wow, for real?
(We cut to the gift shop)
Emperor Palpatine: (emerging from a gift shop wearing "Death Star 2" merchandise) Yeah, guess I'll just be killing myself then.
(Cut to Palpatine sitting in the throne room)
Emperor Palpatine: Good chair, good chair. Nice lumbar support. Great view of (spins around to face the window) utter blackness. (The air conditioning grows loud. Palpatine spins back around in disbelief) Oh, for- I'm right under the air conditioning vent! And the chair's bolted to the floor? Who's the brainia- Hey Crayola, help me shut this vent! (An Imperial guard walks over and attempts to shut the vent with his pike) Yeah. Reach up there with your Staff of Ra, and - (the guard knocks down the cover of the vent, and the air conditioning becomes gust-like. Palpatine's hat is blown away. Palpatine said to the guard) Hey, wanna see me tempt fate? Could this day get any worse? I did it ironically, so I think I'm safe.
(One hour later...)
Emperor Palpatine: (Being carried away by Darth Vader) What are you doing?! What are you doing?! Put me down! (screaming as he is thrown down the reactor shaft by Vader)


  • Seth Green as Obi Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Nerd, Ponda Baba, Bob Goldstein, various voices
  • Seth MacFarlane as The Emperor, Dr. Ball, Cantina Band Member
  • Breckin Meyer as Boba Fett, Admiral Ackbar
  • Abraham Benrubi as Darth Vader
  • Bob Bergen as Luke Skywalker
  • Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks
  • Hugh Davidson as Stormtrooper, Rebel Trooper
  • Keith Ferguson as Han Solo, General Veers
  • Conan O'Brien as Zuckuss, Star Wars nerd
  • Adrianne Palicki as Padmé Amidala, Jessica
  • Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia, Female Krayt Dragon
  • Billy Dee Williams as Lando Calrissian, Ackbar's Manager
  • Donald Faison as Gary the Stormtrooper, Imperial Pilot, Darth Maul
  • Andy Richter as Male Krayt Dragon, 4LOM
  • Zeb Wells as Dengar

External links[edit]