Robot Chicken (season 8)

Garbage Sushi [8.01]

Handy Manny: Illegal?

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[Upbeat music playing]

Man: # Well, a long time ago # ♪ A dinosaur lady gave birth To a whole bunch of dinosaur babies Three of them had the same features mom had But one was probably from a different dad Yeah, mom let another man sperm up her eggs And no matter how she cried or how she begged Daddy kicked her ass out into the cold, cold street And with four mouths to feed and nothing to eat She packed up her brood in the pouring rain And booked a one-way trip On the dinosaur train [Whistle blows]

Chorus: # dinosaur train # ♪ Who built this train? ♪

Man: # Well, dinosaurs developed steam and tools # ♪ Dino society was inherently cruel And a slit-shamed mom with a brood to feed Had to get creative to pay the passage fee

Chorus: # Dinosaur shame # ♪ On the dinosaur train ♪ [whistle blows]

Singer: # Well, they rode the rails for a couple of months #

♪ And mom turned tricks to keep their fancy bunks ♪

♪ Then she met a stegosaurus who said, "be my wife ♪

♪ Come out to California and we'll start a new life ♪

♪ I don't care what you did or what you done ♪

♪ I love you and your kids and your bastard son" ♪

♪ She looked at that man with tears in her eyes ♪

♪ And the train derailed ♪

♪ And the dinosaurs died ♪

♪ Maybe dinos built a railroad across this land ♪

♪ But there's no way they could steer ♪

♪ With those tiny hands ♪

Chorus: # Dinosaur train # Implausible train [Whistle blows]

[Camera cuts to the bartender at the beach]

Waitress: Oh, no, you're too young for a Mai Tai. [The little match girl gives him a stack of money] One Mai Tai coming up! [Gives her a cup of mai tai] So what's your name, anyway?

Little Match Girl My Name's the little [Bleep]ing Match Girl! [she throws a cup of mai tai at the screen and rock music is playing in end credits]

Zeb and Kevin Erotic Hot Tub Canvas [8.03]

Mr. Thornberry, your nature documentaries used

to be our bread and butter here at Discovery Channel,

but lately we've had a... how do you say, philosophical shift.

[British accent] Well, those aren't educational at all.

You're the Discovery Channel.

Where ... Where's the discovery?

Discovering that people are human garbage?

Sorry, Thornberry. Bring me a show I can air or beat it.

We just have to invent a series

that will blow the network's doors off.

Ugh! I don't want to make a new series!

Traveling around the world making nature documentaries is stupid.

Debbie, let me lay a little truth on you.

Sex with your father is like getting [bleep] with a dead fish,

and putting the family in constant danger is the only way I get wet.

New show. [Chuckles nervously]

- Yay. - Smashing!

Hello! I'm Nigel Thornberry.

My family and I love to get wild. Wild as [bleep].

- Off you go. - Aah!

You son of a b*tch!

[screams]

_

We are a family of nudists surviving in darkest Africa

armed only with our wits.

[Animals growling]

And flame throwers.

It's about conservation and protecting the environment.

Eliza: In what way?

I'm starving! What's for dinner?

- Tarantulas. - Are you [bleep] serious?

Contrary to popular belief, tarantula venom isn't fatal to humans.

- Duh. - Jesus! Why?

It's about conservation and protecting the environment.

[Muffled] Smashing!

Oh, you can really taste the... hairs.

Eliza: And later this season on "Thornberrys: Wild as [bleep]"...

This is a crime against nature!

It's part of the local culture, sweetie.

_

Yes, that's right. Blip, blop.

Conservation, protecting the environment.

Well, what do you think?

Thornberry, your new show is morally bankrupt

and utterly devoid of educational content.

In other words,

it's the perfect show for Discovery Channel.

Capital!

And it's really made me think about what I'm doing with my life.

[Grunts]

Whoo-hoo!

[Splat] [car alarm wailing]

Oh, my god!

Now, that is wild as [bleep]!

Western Hay Batch [8.12]

[The sketch starts with the Muppet Babies partaking in a fantasy based on King Kong; a giant Kermit carries Miss Piggy to the top of the Empire State Building]

Kermit The Frog: GROWL! ROAR!

Gonzo: We'll rescue you, Piggy!

Miss Piggy: Get lost, you blue weirdo. We're on a date.

Kermit: ROAR! Roar again!

Gonzo: All right, gang! Let him have it! [squirts water at Kermit's right eye]

Kermit: AAH! MY EYE!

Gonzo: [Laughs] Direct hit!

Kermit: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho! [Trips over then falls down to the cars in the street]

Secret of the Flushed Footlong [8.17]

Woody: Guys, look what Andy's aunt got him from Gwyneth Paltrow's website. Say "hi" to Pinko!

Pinko: [a block of wood with pieces of string attached to it] Hello.

Mr. Potato Head: What are you?

Pinko: I am a Swedish creativity object, designed in conjunction with free space theory, which encourages cognitive freedom. [to Woody] For instance, your cowboy concept restricts imaginative thinking, whereas I am conceptually neutral. Andy chooses what I am, not the manufacturer.

Mr. Potato Head: I already hate this prick!

Buzz Lightyear: Hey, stop that! We're all friends here, Mr. Potato Head. Pinko, let me be the first to welcome you and shake your hand!

Pinko: How CAN I shake your hand?

Buzz: Uh, with your hand right there. [points to Pinko's string]

Pinko: Who said that's a "hand"? Maybe I'm a magical train and that "hand" is a wheel? Maybe I'm a candy making machine, or a hotel for tiny clowns? My concept will come from Andy's brain, not yours.

Buzz: Whoa! No need to get upset, man.

Pinko: "Man"? How dare you! Maybe I'm a woman? Maybe I'm an asexual space creature? Andy should decide, and not be forced into your narrow, violent worldview.

Woody: Violent?! We are NOT violent toys!

Pinko: Really?! What is that holster used for? Probably not organic fruit snacks. [to Buzz] And I bet that laser isn't meant for pointing to things in a classroom setting. [points to Rex] That is a Tyrannosaurus Rex - A.K.A. nature's perfect killer! [to Mr. Potato Head] And you're the most frightening toy of all!

Mr. Potato Head: What, because of my acerbic point of view?!

Pinko: You keep body parts in your trunk. You know who else did that? Jeffrey Dahmer! And didn't you strap a bear to the grill of a truck to teach him a lesson? Who are you, the Mafia?!

[Andy is heard opening the door]

Woody: Hey, shhh! Andy's coming!

[The toys become lifeless]

Pinko: I can't wait to begin growing creatively with Andy!

[Andy picks up Pinko and reads the text on his back]

Andy: "I am Pinko. You decide what I am." [scoffs] Okay. You're trash!

[Andy throws Pinko into his trash bin and walks out of his room as the toys come back to life]

Pinko: Hey, can someone give me a hand?!

Buzz: Who says these are hands? Ha ha ha ha! [high fives Woody, then screen cut to static]

Not Enough Women [8.19]

[Dora The Explorer and boots are cornered by real gorillas]

Dora: Boots, tell them we mean them no harm.

Boots: Uh, eeh, eeh, eek, eek, ooh, oog, ooh.

Dora: Uh, what'd they say? Boots, you son of a bitch.