Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World is a 2010 film about Scott Pilgrim, who must defeat his new girlfriend's seven evil exes in order to win her heart.

Directed by Edgar Wright. Written by Edgar Wright and Michael Bacall, based on the graphic novels by Bryan Lee O'Malley.
An epic of epic epicness. taglines

Scott Pilgrim[edit]

  • We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!


[Waiting outside Knives' school.]
Wallace Wells: I do not want to be here at all.
Scott Pilgrim: This school has boys, too.
Wallace Wells: [rolls eyes] Hate you. Even I would think twice about dating a 17-year-old.
Scott Pilgrim: Well, she's only allowed out when the sun is up, so I wouldn't call it dating. It's more like...
Wallace Wells: Playtime?
Scott Pilgrim: That doesn't sound so good, either.
Wallace Wells: No.
Knives Chau: Scott!
[Knives runs up to them both]
Scott Pilgrim: Hey, Knives. This is my cool, gay roommate, Wallace Wells.
Knives Chau: Hi.
Scott Pilgrim: He's gay.
Knives Chau: Oh. Do you wanna know who in my class is gay?
Wallace Wells: Yes. Does he wear glasses?
Scott Pilgrim: Wallace, you go now. Begone.
Wallace Wells: [seizing Knives by the hands, intensely] You're too good for him. Run. [walks away while Scott nervously chuckles]

Scott Pilgrim: Wallace!
[Wallace wakes up hungover, and is still wearing his clothes from the previous night]
Scott Pilgrim: Amazon.Ca, what's the website for that?
Wallace Wells: "Amazon.Ca".
Scott Pilgrim: I have to order something really cool.
Computer: You've got mail.
Scott Pilgrim: Dude, this thing claims I have mail.
Wallace Wells: [sarcastically] It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.
Scott Pilgrim: Dude, now I'm reading it.
Wallace Wells: [sarcastically] So happy for you.
Scott Pilgrim: [reading] Dear Mr. Pilgrim, it has come to my attention that we will be fighting soon. My name is Matthew Patel, and... Blah, blah, blah, b...Fair warning... Mano y mano... Seven evil... Blah, blah. This is... [disturbed] This is... This is...
Wallace Wells: [yanks off sweater] What??
Scott Pilgrim: This is boring. Dele-ete.
[Scott deletes e-mail; Wallace sees Scott sitting in front of the door]
Wallace Wells: [incredulous] Scott, are you waiting for the package you just ordered?
Scott Pilgrim: Maybe.
Wallace Wells: It's the weekend. It won't ship until Monday at the earliest.
[Doorbell rings]
Scott Pilgrim: [jumps up] You were saying?
[Scott opens the door and is immediately pounced on by Knives]
Knives Chau: Attack hug!!

[Ramona delivers Scott's package, and Scott opens the door before Ramona rings the doorbell.]
Ramona Flowers: Uh, Scott Pilgrim?
Scott Pilgrim: Hi, I was thinking about asking you out, but then I realized how stupid that would be. So, do you want to go out sometime?
Ramona Flowers: Um, no. That's okay. You just need to sign for this, alright?
Scott Pilgrim: I just woke up and you were in my dream. I dreamt that you were delivering me this package. Is that weird?
Ramona Flowers: It's not weird at all.
Scott Pilgrim: It's not?
Ramona Flowers: No, it's just that you have this really convenient subspace highway running through your head that I like to use. It's, like, 3 miles in 15 seconds.
Scott Pilgrim: Right, right.
Ramona Flowers: I forgot you guys don't have that in Canada.

[Wallace and Jimmy watch a gig from Crash and the Boys]

Wallace Wells: Hey, Jimmy. Do they rock or suck?
Jimmy: They have not started playing yet.
Wallace Wells: That was a test, Jimmy.
Luke "Crash" Wilson: [offscreen] One, two.
Wallace Wells: [pats Jimmy's arm] You passed.
Jimmy: [uncomfortably] Okay.
Luke "Crash" Wilson: Good evening. My name is Crash, these are the Boys.
Wallace Wells: [heckling.] Is that girl a Boy, too?
Luke "Crash" Wilson: [offended] Yes. [Trasha gives Wallace the finger.]
Kim Pine: [offstage, jealously] They have a girl drummer?
Luke "Crash" Wilson: This song is called, "I Am So Sad, I Am So Very, Very Sad". Goes a little something like this.
[Trasha counts in on the drums, and Crash and Joel play two chords]
Luke "Crash" Wilson: SOOOOOO SAD! [Song ends] Thank you.
Wallace Wells: [heckling.] Not a race, guys!
Luke "Crash" Wilson: All right, this next song goes out to the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. [Wallace points at himself, mock questioningly] It's called "We Hate You, Please Die."
Wallace Wells: Sweet! [to Jimmy] Love this one.
[Crash and the Boys play "We Hate You, Please Die."]
Stephen Stills: [barely audible with subtitles] How are we supposed to follow this? We're not going to win. We're not going to sign with G-Man. We'll never play opening night at the Chaos Theatre. GODDAMN IT, SCOTT! WILL YOU PLEASE STOP JUST STANDING THERE?! YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT!

Matthew Patel: Mr. Pilgrim! [lands on the stage] It is I, Matthew Patel. Consider our fight... BEGUN!
[Matthew leaps into the air, preparing to attack Scott in slow-mo]
Scott Pilgrim: [voice slowed down] What did I do? What do I do?
Wallace Wells: [voice slowed down] FIGHT!
[While fighting]
Scott Pilgrim: Wait! We're fighting over Ramona?
Matthew Patel: Didn't you get my email explaining the situation?
Scott Pilgrim: I skimmed it.
Wallace Wells: Mmm-mmm. [shakes his head]
Matthew Patel: You will pay FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!
Wallace Wells: [to Scott] Hey! What's up with his outfit?
Guy: [dismissive] Yeah, is he a pirate?
Scott Pilgrim: [to Matthew] Are you a pirate?
Matthew Patel: [defensive] Pirates are in this year.
[At the end of the battle]
Ramona: Well... It was nice meeting you. Tell your gay friends I said bye. [Gets up and walks away]
Stacy: "Gay friends"? [Turns to see Wallace kissing Jimmy] WALLACE! AGAIN?!

Scott Pilgrim: [after defeating Matthew Patel] So... what was all that all about?
Ramona Flowers: Um, I guess... if we're gonna date, you may have to defeat my seven evil exes.
Scott Pilgrim: You have seven evil ex-boyfriends?
Ramona Flowers: Seven evil exes, yes.
Scott Pilgrim: And I have to fight...
Ramona Flowers: Defeat.
Scott Pilgrim: Defeat your seven evil exes if we're going to continue to date?
Ramona Flowers: Pretty much.
Scott Pilgrim: So what you're saying right now is we are dating?
Ramona Flowers: Uh, I guess.
Scott Pilgrim: Does that mean we can make out?
Ramona Flowers: [smiles] Sure.
Scott Pilgrim: Cool.
Studio Audience: Aww! [Applause]

Lucas Lee: Prepare to feel the wrath of the League of Evil Exes.
Scott Pilgrim: The League of Evil Exes?
Lucas Lee: You really don't know about the League?
Scott Pilgrim: Um...
Lucas Lee: The seven evil exes? Coming to kill you? Controlling the future of Ramona's love life?
Scott Pilgrim: No.
Lucas Lee: Oh. Well hey, don't worry about it.
Scott Pilgrim: [stunned] Really?
Lucas Lee: Yeah. [reaches to help him up] Let's go get a beer.
Scott Pilgrim: That's great.
[Lucas punches him in the face]
Lucas Lee: Boom! [laughs] OOH!
Scott Pilgrim: You are a pretty good actor.
Lucas Lee: I'm going for the Oscar this year.
Scott Pilgrim: But are you a pretty good skater?
Lucas Lee: I'm more than pretty good, Esé. [pulls his shirt collar down to reveal a double-L tattoo on his chest] I've got my own skate company.
Scott Pilgrim: So can you do a "thingy" on that rail? [indicates railing on a set of steps]
Lucas Lee: It's called a grind, bro.
Scott Pilgrim: So, can you do a "grindy thingy" now?
Lucas Lee: Are you serious? There are, like, 200 steps, and the rails are garbage.
Scott Pilgrim: [innocent] Well, hey, if it's too hardcore, then...
Lucas Lee: [glaring] You really think you can goad me into doing a trick like that?
Scott Pilgrim: [deadpan] There are girls watching.
Lucas Lee: [beat] Somebody get me my board.
Wallace Wells: [pops into view, taps Lucas on shoulder] Hi. Big fan. [passes him his skateboard]
Lucas Lee: [cracks neck] Why wouldn't you be?
[Lucas starts his run, hopping from rail to rail, picking up speed, by kilometers]
Scott Pilgrim: [watching] Wow.
[Lucas' speed increases rapidly]
Scott Pilgrim: Wow.
[Lucas is now going dangerously fast, the bottom of the rail in sight]
Scott Pilgrim: Wow.
[Going too fast to stop, Lucas reaches the bottom of the steps... and explodes into coins]
Wallace Wells: Wow.
Scott Pilgrim: Yes!
Wallace Wells: He totally bailed.
[Scott Pilgrim earns 2,000 points]
Scott Pilgrim: [realising.] Ah! I didn't get his autograph.

Knives Chau: [buying blue hair dye from a drugstore while explaining her situation to Tamara Chen] OH, MY GOD! He's dating a fatass hipster chick! I hate her stupid guts! He only likes her because she's old! She's probably, like, 25! Oh, she's just some fatass white girl, you know?!
Tamara Chen: I think you mentioned she was fat.
Knives Chau: [preparing to dye her hair] She's got a head start. I mean, I didn't know there was good music until, like, two months ago! Hey, this really burns.
Tamara Chen: You should rinse.
Knives Chau: [rinsing her hair] When I got this idea, I just thought, "I have to do it!"
Tamara Chen: I can't hear anything you're saying.
Knives Chau: [Looking at her hair in the mirror] Oh, God! I look so...good. Ramona Flowers stole my Scott, but I know how to get him back.
Tamara Chen: How?
[Knives texts to Young Neil saying, "YUNG NEIL ITZ KNIVES. OMFG YUR SO HOTT."]

[During an awkward backstage face-off between Scott and Ramona and Envy and Todd, their respective exes]
Knives Chau: [gasps, standing up]
[Everyone looks at Knives]
Knives Chau: [to Envy] I've kissed lips that kissed you!
[Envy looks at Todd and nods, Todd stands up and punches Knives in the face, knocking the blue dye out of her hair and sending her reeling to the floor]
Scott Pilgrim: [stands up, horrified] Knives!
Todd Ingram: [nonchalant] What? I'm not afraid to hit a girl. I'm a rock star.
Young Neil: [glares at Todd] Oh, my God. You punched the highlights out of her hair. [to Scott] He punched the highlights out of her hair!
Envy Adams: You are incorrigible.
Todd Ingram: I don't know the meaning of the word.
[Young Neil leads a shellshocked Knives away]
Julie Powers: [changing the subject] So, uh, you guys doing anything fun while you're in town?
Todd Ingram: "Fun"? In Toronto?
Envy Adams: Ha!
Scott Pilgrim: [angrily] THAT'S IT! [slams fists on table as Envy gasps in horror] YOU COCKY COCK! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!
[Scott lunges to attack Todd, but is frozen by psychic energy. Todd, eyes glowing and hair standing on end, levitates Scott into the air]
Scott Pilgrim: [choking] My neck. [gasps] Your hair.
Envy Adams: Didn't you know? Todd's vegan.
[Todd flings Scott through a brick wall into an alleyway outside.]
Scott Pilgrim: Vegan?
Todd Ingram: [moves couch out of the way psychically] It's not really that big of a deal. [kicks and breaks off part of the brick wall]
Scott Pilgrim: No kidding. [coughs and stands up] Anyone can be vegan.
Todd Ingram: Ovo-lacto-vegetarian, maybe.
Scott Pilgrim: Ovo-what?
Todd Ingram: I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum, of any creature with a face.
Envy Adams: Short answer: being vegan just makes you better than most people.
Todd Ingram: Bingo.
[Todd punches Scott and sends him, screaming, leaving a trail of A's high into the air and out of sight.]
Stephen Stills: Hey, man, question. I always wondered, how does not eating dairy products give you psychic powers?
Todd Ingram: [rolls eyes] Okay, you know how you only use 10% of your brain? That's because the other 90% is filled with curds and whey.
Kim Pine: [dismissive] Did you learn that at Vegan Academy?
Todd Ingram: Go ahead and get snippy, baby. If you knew the science, maybe I'd listen to a word you're saying.
[Scott falls back to solid ground after hitting a light fixture. Ramona runs over to him]
Scott Pilgrim: [weakly] If I peed my pants, would you pretend I just got wet from the rain?
Ramona Flowers: It's not raining.
Scott Pilgrim: Oh. Then, why don't you give me the Cliff Notes on how why you ended up dating this A-hole.
Ramona Flowers: Is that really important right now?
Scott Pilgrim: Well, if there's a key element in his backstory that's gonna help me out in a critical moment of not dying, yes.
Ramona Flowers: [defeated] I was only dating Lucas until the minute Todd walked by. Guess that's not very nice, but I used to be kind that. We hated everyone. We wrecked stuff, nobody cared. He punched a hole in the moon for me. It was pretty crazy. A week-and-a-half later, he told me his dad was sending him to Vegan Academy, so, I dumped him.
Scott Pilgrim: Have you dumped everyone you've ever been with? You've never been the dumpee?
Ramona Flowers: Look, I've dabbled in being a bitch. It's part of the reason I moved here. I was really hoping to just...leave it all behind me.
Todd Ingram: Hey, lovebirds. We have unfinished business, I and he.
Scott Pilgrim: "He and me."
Todd Ingram: Don't you talk to me about grammar.
Scott Pilgrim: I dislike you, capisce?
Todd Ingram: Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
Scott Pilgrim: What?
Todd Ingram: Because you'll be dust by Monday.
Scott Pilgrim: [confused] Ummm...
Todd Ingram: Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. And the cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.
Scott Pilgrim: S-so, what's on Monday?
Envy Adams: [Rolls eyes]
Todd Ingram: [also confused] Well, 'cause... it's Friday now, she has the weekends off, so... Monday. Right?
Envy Adams: [bluntly] Basically, you can't win this fight, so you're gonna have to give up on this girl, 'cause Todd's gonna kill you.
Scott Pilgrim: [offended] You used to be so NICE!
[charges toward Todd in slow-mo, but Todd psychically throws Scott through a brick wall.]
Stephen Stills: Uh, Scott, we're gonna go to Pizza Pizza for a slice. Call us when you're done.
Envy Adams: Oh, he'll be done. Real soon.
Todd Ingram: [hears a bass note] Sounds like someone wants to get...funky.
[after exchanging bass riffs in a bass battle, Todd wins and psychically pushes Scott through 3 walls, thus breaking Scott's bass guitar, and having him fall onto a coffee table. Scott sees Todd walk in and gets two coffees]
Todd Ingram: I can read your thoughts. [psychically] Your will is broken. [normally] You're through.
Scott Pilgrim: What say we drink to my memory? [offering him a cup of coffee, innocently.] Fair-trade blend with soy milk?
Envy Adams: Heh. I'm sorry, but that's pathetic.
Todd Ingram: Dude, I can see in your mind's eye that you put half-and-half into one of those coffees, in an attempt to make me break Vegan-edge. I'll take the one with soy. [levitates the other cup from Scott's hand and brings it to his own] Thanks, tool. [sips the coffee]
Scott Pilgrim: Actually, muchacho, I poured the soy in this cup, but I thought real hard about pouring it in that cup. You know, in my "mind's eye" or whatever. [sips his own coffee]
Todd Ingram: [eyes return to normal, baffled] What are you talking about?
Scott Pilgrim: You just drank half-and-half, baby.
[Sirens; a hole is blown into the wall. Todd drops his coffee cup, Anime-style. Two Vegan Police Officers come in with their index fingers raised at Todd.]
Vegan Police Officer #1: Freeze! Vegan Police!
Vegan Police Officer #2: Vegan Police!
Vegan Police Officer #1: Todd Ingram, you're under arrest for Veganity Violation Code Number 827: Imbibement of half-and-half.
Todd Ingram: Wh--? That's bullroar!
Vegan Police Officer #1: No vegan diet, no vegan powers!
Todd Ingram: But-but,'s only my first offence. D-Don't I get three strikes? I mean...
Vegan Police Officer #1: [to Vegan Police Officer #2] Take it.
Vegan Police Officer #2: [whips out notepad] At 12:27 am, on February 1st, you knowingly ingested gelato.
Todd Ingram: Gelato isn't vegan?
Vegan Police Officer #1: It's milk and eggs, bitch.
Vegan Police Officer #2: [still reading] On April 4th, 7:30 pm, you partook a plate of chicken parmesan.
[Envy gasps in horror, then glares at Todd]
Todd Ingram: [feeble] Chicken isn't vegan?
Vegan Police Officer #1: The De-Veganizing Ray. Hit him!! [both fire de-veganizing rays at Todd, stripping him of his powers. The Vegan Police Officers step back and blow smoke from their index fingers, Scott steps forward purposefully. Todd's hair sags.]
Envy Adams: [gasps] Oh, my God.
Todd Ingram: [shocked] No. No.
Scott Pilgrim: You once were a ve-gone, but now you will be gone.
Todd Ingram: [incredulous] "Ve-gone"?
[Scott headbutts Todd, who bursts into coins, thus earning Scott 3,000 points. Scott holds his forehead and groans in pain. The two Vegan Police Officers exit in slow-mo, high-fiving and exclaiming, "YEAH!" as they do.]
Scott Pilgrim: Uh...sorry, I guess.
Envy Adams: [in disbelief] "Sorry"? You just head-butted my boyfriend so hard he burst.
Scott Pilgrim You kicked my heart in the ass, so, I guess we're even...Natalie.
Envy Adams: [in shock] "Natalie"? No one calls me that anymore.
Scott Pilgrim: Maybe they should. [to Ramona] Let's get outta here.
[Scott and Ramona leave and Scott also holds his back.]
Julie Powers: [appearing out of nowhere] For the record, I am so pissed off for you, right now.
Envy Adams: [angrily] Shut the [bleep] up, Julie.
Julie Powers: [nonchalantly] Okay.

[Scott and Ramona arrive at The Clash at Demonhead's afterparty.]
Ramona Flowers: Look, I know Todd was bad news, but are you saying Envy wasn't? We all have baggage.
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, well, my baggage doesn't try and kill me every five minutes. What did you do to make your ex-boyfriends so insane?
Ramona Flowers: Exes.
Scott Pilgrim: Whatever.
Ramona Flowers: No breakup is painless; somebody always gets hurt. What about you and that girl, Knives? Who broke up with who?
Scott Pilgrim: I believe I broke up with her.
Ramona Flowers: And was she cool with it?
Scott Pilgrim: Knives is with Young Neil now; she's totally cool with it.
Ramona Flowers: You're sure about that?
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, she's very mature for her age. We had a very healthy break-up. We're all peaches and gravy.
Knives Chau: [whines] No!
Ramona Flowers: What about you and Kim?
Scott Pilgrim: Me and Kim? I can barely remember. It was high school. She had freckles.
Ramona Flowers: That's it?
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, it kind of ended. We changed.
Ramona Flowers: That's really the whole story?
Scott Pilgrim: Okay, fine. I had to fight a guy to be with her, okay? I fought a crazy, 80-foot-tall purple-suited dude, and I had to fight 96 guys to get to him. He was flying and shooting lightning bolts from his eyes, okay? And I kicked him so hard that he saw the curvature of the Earth. Does that make you feel any better?
Ramona Flowers: Well, now you are being a total ass. Welcome to the club.
Scott Pilgrim: I'm sorry; I'm not usually like this.
Ramona Flowers: Hey, don't worry. I don't even know what I'm like anymore.
Scott Pilgrim: I think this ex-boyfriends thing is messing with my head.
Ramona Flowers: Exes.
Scott Pilgrim: Why do you keep saying that?
[Scott is kicked in the face from behind, slams into the bar counter and falls flat on the floor. He looks up at his attacker.]
Scott Pilgrim: [stands up, thinking] The girl from earlier?
Ramona Flowers: Roxy?
Scott Pilgrim: You know this girl?
Roxy Richter: Boy, does she know me.
Scott Pilgrim: [deeply confused] What is she talking about?
Roxy Richter: He really doesn't know?
Scott Pilgrim: [realisation dawning] Wait.
Roxy Richter: Hmm. [smiles suggestively]
[Inside Scott's head, a lever switches from "NO CLUE" to "GETS IT"]
Scott Pilgrim: You and her?
Ramona Flowers: It was just a phase.
Roxy Richter: "Just a phase"?
Scott Pilgrim: You had a sexy phase?
Ramona Flowers: It meant nothing. I didn't think it would count.
Roxy Richter: "It meant nothing"?!
Ramona Flowers: I was just a little bi-curious.
Roxy Richter: Well, honey... [cracks knuckles.] I'm a little bi-furious!
[Roxy performs a slow-mo spinning kick aimed at Scott, but is blocked by Ramona. A pink VS. sign appears between them and Ramona throws Roxy back.]
Ramona Flowers: Do that again and I will end you!
Roxy Richter: Back off, hasbian! If Gideon can't have you, no one can! [whips off her belt, which turns into a chain-sword.] The League has spoken!
Ramona Flowers: Well, then Gideon best get his pretentious ass up here, 'cause I'm about to kick yours out of the Great White North! [pulls a massive stone hammer out of her purse]
[While they fight Anime-style, Scott ducks over to Wallace]
Scott Pilgrim: Wallace?
Wallace Wells: Uh-huh?
Scott Pilgrim: This is happening, right?
Wallace Wells: Oh, yeah. [yelling] Kick her in the balls!
[As they continue fighting, Roxy grabs Ramona's hammer with her chain sword]
Roxy Richter: I'm sending you back to Gideon in a thousand pieces, you slag! [throws the hammer out of the window] Ha!
[Roxy turns around, Ramona axe-kicks her in the head and she falls to the floor.]
Ramona Flowers: I'd rather be dead than go back. He's a creep, you're a bitch, and you all deserve each other.
Roxy Richter: Give it a rest, Ramona! This is a League game!
Ramona Flowers: Meaning?
Roxy Richter: [stands up] Meaning your precious Scott must defeat me with his own fists!
[Everyone looks at Scott expectantly]
Scott Pilgrim: [nervous] Uh, I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft.
Ramona Flowers: You don't have a choice.
[Ramona grabs Scott and uses his arms and legs to fend off Roxy's attacks]
Roxy Richter: Fight your own battles, lazy ass! [vanishes]
[After 7 seconds, Roxy rematerializes, forcing Scott and Ramona apart, and punches Scott into the rafters. He falls and lands in a pile on the ground.]
Roxy Richter: Every Pilgrim reaches the end of his journey, some sooner than others. [raises her leg in an axe kick] Your BF's about to get F'd in the B! [brings her leg down in slow-mo]
Ramona Flowers: [voice slowed down] Her weak point is the back of her knees.
Scott Pilgrim: [voice slowed down] Wait, how does that work?
Ramona Flowers: [voice slowed down] Whenever we were making out, I would just...
Scott Pilgrim: [voice slowed down] Okay, enough!
[Scott prods Roxy in the back of her knee. Roxy, overcome, collapses on the floor and writhes.]
Roxy Richter: You'll never... be able to do this... to herrr!!!
[Roxy explodes into coins, thus earning Scott 4,000 points.]

[Scott confronts Gideon Graves, Ramona's last evil ex, at his nightclub lair, the Chaos Theatre.]
Gideon Graves: You wanna fight me... for her?
Scott Pilgrim: [arch] Was that not clear? [to the members of Sex Bob-Omb] Was that not clear?
Sex Bob-Omb: [they shrug] I don't know.
Gideon Graves: Now, why on Earth would you wanna do... that?
Scott Pilgrim: Because I'm in love with her.
[A flaming samurai sword emerges from Scott's chest, causing him to level up.]
Gideon Graves: Aww, I think this deserves a song. Kimberley!!
Kim Pine: [unenthusiastically, subtly giving Gideon the finger] We are Sex Bob-Omb. We are here to make money and sell out and stuff. One-two-three-four!
[After being fatally stabbed in the heart and killed by Gideon, Scott uses a video game 1-UP to revive and re-enters the Chaos Theatre from the beginning.]
Scott Pilgrim: [to one of Gideon's goons] Your hair looks stupid. [goon gasps in shock and turns into coins, earning Scott Pilgrim 700 points.]
Right Goon: Second password?
[Scott defeats both of them, earn 700 points each, and goes down the elevator.]
Comeau: [chatting to partygoers.] Yeah, I saw it. It's just the comic book is better than the movie.
[Scott barges past him to the stage where Sex Bob-Omb, as before, notice Scott and stop playing]
Stephen Stills: Scott! Let it go.
Scott Pilgrim: Don't worry, I know what I'm doing. Stephen, the new line-up rocks. You guys sound better without me. Young Neil, you have learned well. From this point forward, you will be known as... Neil.
Neil: [pleasurably] Ohh.
Scott: And Kim... [Kim raises an eyebrow] I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry about me.
[Kim, surprised, smiles at him for the first time]
Gideon Graves: [from the other side of the club] Scott Pilgrim! Hey, buddy!
Scott Pilgrim: Save it! You're pretentious. This club sucks. I've got beef. Let's do it.
Gideon Graves: W-w-w-w-wait! You wanna fight me... for her?
Scott Pilgrim: No. I want to fight you for me.
[A flaming samurai sword emerges from Scott's chest, causing him to level up even higher.]
Gideon Graves: [baffled.] Umm...
Scott Pilgrim: KIM!
[Sex Bob-Omb starts playing an upbeat rock song]
[Obliterating all of the hipster henchmen faster than before, Scott rushes towards Gideon, They lunge at each other, swords drawn, and Scott slashes Gideon across the shoulder, who tumbles to the ground upon impact, making him drop his gum from out of his mouth]
Scott Pilgrim: [landing] How's it going back there?
Gideon Graves: You... dick! [slumps]
[Scott earns 7,000 points]
Scott Pilgrim: [calling] Knives? I know you're in here. Don't attack Ramona.
Knives Chau: SCOTT!!!
[They turn just as Knives flying-kicks Ramona in the head, knocking her to the ground, and unknowingly breaks the chip on the back of her head.]
Knives Chau: Steal my boyfriend, [twirls sai] taste my steel! [Lunges to attack Ramona, but Scott blocks her]
Scott Pilgrim: Enough!
Knives Chau: No, Scott! [kicks Scott in the neck] This fat-ass hurt me and I will have my revenge!
Scott Pilgrim: No, Knives, I hurt you. I cheated on you. [Scott turns to each of the girls. Ramona gets up.] I cheated on both of you. I'm really sorry. [turns to Ramona] And you're not a fat-ass. She didn't mean that. So, are we all good?
[The chip on the back of Ramona's neck fizzles]
Ramona Flowers: Never felt better.
Gideon Graves: Yoo-hoo!
[They all turn to Gideon, who is stood directly behind them]
Gideon Graves: Are we done with the hugging and the learning? [puts a new piece of gum in his mouth] I thought we had a fight going on here!
Scott Pilgrim: Oh, you've got a fight, all right.
[Scott prepares himself]
Gideon Graves: Wrong move, baby.
[Gideon summons an 8-bit pixel katana, and they begin to fight]
[Gideon, gravely wounded, flashes and glitches angrily.]
Gideon Graves: Who do you think you are, Pilgrim? You think you're better than me? I'll tell you what you are. A pain in my ASS!! Do you know how long it took to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like, two hours! TWO HOURS! [coughs and hacks out coin] You're not cool enough for Ramona. You're zero. Nothing! Me, I'm what's hip! I'm what's happening! I'm blowing up right now!
Scott Pilgrim: You are blowing up. Right now!
[Scott drop-kicks Gideon in the head, causing him to explode into a shower of coins.]
Narrator Voice: K.O.!
[Scott Pilgrim earns 7,000,000,000 points. Coins rain down in slow-mo]
Knives Chau: [voice slowed down] Wow!
Scott Pilgrim: [voice slowed down] Yeah. Wow.
[Sex Bob-omb jump back as the mass of coins land on the stage]
Kim Pine: [deadpan] There goes our deal.
Stephen Stills: We're still getting paid, right?
Kim Pine: There goes our deal.
Stephen: Oh. [panicked] Oh, God!
[Stephen scrambles to pick up the coins; Neil picks one up and tries to eat it; Kim mimes shooting herself in the head and collapses on her drum kit]


  • An epic of epic epicness.
  • This summer it's on like Donkey Kong.


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