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- Aubrey: Embrace the power of the labia, PeeJee! Embrace it!
- PeeJee: Well, I thought, "Who among my friends would want a candy cane-shaped, eggnog scented strap on?" Then I thought, "Who deserves it?"
- Davan: You know, for a lesbian, you seem to suck a whole mess o' dick.
- PeeJee: Chemo kitties need extra love!
- Aubrey: I could menstruate a better cup of coffee than this!
- PeeJee: You're like a Columbine kid who was too lazy to do anything.
- Kim: Nothing is as sexy as the look on a man's face as he slips into an unplanned slumber.
- Davan: I try not to think. It's not really a hallmark of my generation.
- Aubrey: So I made some pork chops and rented "Babe."
- Jason: Heresy is sexy, Aubrey. Cancer isn't!
- Jason: I bukkake for justice!
- PeeJee: I'm sorry. Is our date interrupting your conversation with my boobs?
- Aubrey: If a guy tells me I can't possibly stick a crazy straw all the way up his smallest orifice, that's a challenge I'm honor-bound to accept!
- Aubrey: I'm going to find religion just so I can pray against each of you.
- Aubrey: If masturbating was s'posed to be cute, pink bunnies would do it in meadows and they'd ejaculate rainbows and flower petals.
- Davan: Why reach to the sky to touch a star when you can scoop one out of the gutter?
- Lisa: For future reference, when a woman says she wants your honest opinion, she really doesn't.
- Davan: The way I see it, there's so much love and beauty in the world, and someone has to balance that shit out.
- Aubrey: Oh, good. More snow. Nature's bukkake.
- Andy: Well, as long as you promise we're only lynching them for science.
- Davan: I'm just saying I've never heard of a SIDS baby growing up to be a murderer or a rapist. Draw your own conclusions, my friend.
- Cab: It's a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.
- Nancy: Elize, I need your help. I'm worried this chloroform has gone bad but my nose is stuffed up. Could you smell it and tell me what you think?
- Davan: This is one of those situations where "I don't care" is the right answer, but not the right answer, isn't it?
- Milholland's commentary: On one shoulder is a devil saying, "do it." On the other shoulder is an angel saying, "do it now."
- Davan: Well, y'know, true friendship is a lot like a cervical punch.
- Mike: ...a wise man once said that being in love means never having to say, "I'm sorry."
- Tamara: A wise woman once said being in a committed relationship means a man never will.
- 03/05/2007, Investing in Tomorrow pt 2
- Milholland's Commentary: If you don't get the joke, you're probably the punchline.
- Morganna: So...should we skip straight to finding an empty room to have sex in then?
- Milholland's Commentary: Someone, somewhere, is dressing up like your favorite childhood cartoon character and having sex.
- Kharisma: Thank God I was taught fat people don't have emotions.
- Nancy: Oh, baby...talk some more stupid for me. It makes me so hot...
- PeeJee: What is it with Texas and the child raping cults?!
- Milholland's Commentary: Everything sounds dirtier when preceded by "For a good time..."
- Davan: You're only offended because liberal society says you're supposed to think "child rape" jokes are wrong.
- Fast Food Customer: I'm the customer and I'm white! That makes me twice as right! Se habla customer service, jerk?!
- Rory: If I get this cool stuff now I bet the stuff you give me when you die is gonna be great!
- Monette: I've never wanted to be a magician's hat so badly in my life.
- PeeJee: Damn it! Why am I arguing shit on the web again?
- Davan: 'Cuz sometimes you just need a cumshot of stupid to the face?
- 07/10/2009, Idle Brains are the Internet's Playthings
- Vanessa: Expect foreplay full of fumbling and awkward apologies.
- PeeJee: Hey! You! I've got a Vagina! You got a problem with that?
- Cat: (angry) Mrrrrrrowwwr.
- Cat-to-English translation: I am your god and your pain is my altar. Now, Worship!
- Rayne (of Least I Could Do): The server's light flashed green three times. That's consent. That's robot consent.
- Fred: Friendship only really matters if you give it as willingly as you took it in the first place.