Steven Universe (season 4)

Snugs' Tooth Fairy Temper Tantrum

Note: This episode was taped on TeenNick on March 23, 2017.

Snugs: Hey, Yin.

Yin: Yeah?

Snugs: Can I go see the tooth fairy?

Yin: Oh. Not today, Snugs. The tooth fairy isn't feeling well.

Snugs: (starts crying) I WANNA GO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY! GO GO GO!

Yin: Snugs, not today, OK? The tooth fairy said that she's sick and can't come

Snugs: (screams) TOOTH! TOOTH! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!

Yin: Young man, don't you ever dare scream at me!

Snugs: (screams even louder that Yin's ears start bleeding) IIIIIII WAAAAAANNNNTT TTTHHHHEEEEEEEEE TOOOOOOOOOTTTTHHHHHHH FAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRYYY!!!!!

Yin: (angrily) I AM SO FUCKING SORRY TO SAY THIS. BUT NO! YOU WILL GO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snugs: (squeals in a high pitch) NOOOOOOOOOO!

Yin: (snaps) SCREAM LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!

Snugs: Doooth! Dooothy!

Yin: NOW! You're being silly. What is wrong with you.

Snugs: (crying) I WANT THE TOOOOOTH FAAAAAAIIIRRRYYY!

Yin: Shut up. Because everyone's looking at you!!! Look!!!

Snugs: (imitating Giuseppe Todaro) FUCKING SPANKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yin: SNUGS!!!

[Snugs tugs on Yin's ear]

Yin: LET THE FUCK GO OF MY EEEAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Snugs cries like Baby Joy from Super Why]

Yin: (cuddles Snugs) Shhhhh, it's OK, I promise. You will go see the tooth fairy nest time. OK?

Snugs: FUCK OFF.

Yin: Pardon me??

Snugs: TOOTH FAIRY.

Yin: NEXT TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMEEE!!!

[Snugs goes over to the tooth fairy stand]

Snugs: OOOOH. FAIRY!!!

Yin: NO! GET YOUR ASS DOWN FROM THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Tillie cries]

Yang: See? You're upsetting Tillie because of how bad you acted.

Snugs: I'M NOT ACTING UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

Yang: (snarls) YOU DON'T SCREAM!

[Yin grabs a screaming Snugs' hand as Snugs hits her hard]

Yang: DON'T HIT MY TWIN SISTER!!!

Yin: OW! THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FINAL CHANCE TO GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Snugs: (sobbing) NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I WANT TO GO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY RIGHT NOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!

Yin: RIGHT! That's it. Yang, can you go get Esme?

Yang: Sure!

Yang: ESMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Esme: What's up, Yang?

Yang: SNUGS WANTS TO GO SEE THE FUCKING TOOTH FAIRY! So now he threw a fit over it because the tooth fairy's not feeling well.

Esme: What happened then?

Yang: Well, well, well, y'see, he just went like "I wanna go see the tooth fairy" over and over many times, then he started attacking my twin sister! He went like "Doooth Dooothy" and

I… I just couldn't think about what else rebellious happened, he violently tugged on my

twin sister's ear!!! He screamed, yelled, shouted many times, that right he felt like he was going to spank Yin! He shrieked at her to "fuck off", then Snugs wandered off to the tooth fairy stand!!!!!!!!!! Snugs screamed "I'm not acting up" to me and finally, Snugs hit my

twin sister right across the face!!!

Aftermath

Snugs: I WANT TO GO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY!

Yin: (screaming loudly, angrily, and furiously as her violent rage has grown even more)

YOU WILL NOT GO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY BECAUSE SHE IS NOT FEELING WELL! NEXT TIME YOU CAN GO SEE HER! OKAY? NOW DEAL WITH THIS SH***!

[Snugs sobs hysterically]

Snugs: MUMMY!

Yin: (extremely enraged)

FUCK SNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSS

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Esme: Yin, calm down! Want the glitter jar to help?

Yin: (in a toxic/violent manner, breaks the glitter jar to smithereens)

FUCK GLITTER JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yang: Yin, chill out! Weꞌre seriously going to deal with Snugs, OK?

Yin: (screaming monstrously and froggily causing Whoopi Goldberg to be deaf) IT's… NOT…

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIRRRRRR!!!

I STRONGLY DISAGREE WHOEVER IS HAVING A TANTRUM KEEPS GOING IN MY

FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!

[The police department arrive]

Yin has had Enough

Esme: I don't mind Snugs for..

Yin: (screams, shrieks, yells, growls, grunts, croaks, and snorts loudly and furiously)

IT WAS ALL SNUGS' FUCKING FAULT THAT HIS AGGRESSION WAS

THAT HE WANTED TO GO SEE THE TOOTH FAIRY, BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO SPANK ME, HE TUGGED ON MY EAR RAPIDLY, HE SHRIEKED AT ME TO FUCK OFF, HE WANDERED OFF TO THE TOOTH FAIRY STAND, HE MADE TILLIE CRY, ABS HE HIT ME VERY HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T GIVE A MOTHERFUCKING SHIT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Policewoman: Calm down!!!

Yin: (screaming demonically and hysterically)

NOBODY GIVES A POLAR BEAR'S FUNKY ASS ABOUT SNUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE A SKINNY BITCH, SO GET THE F*** OUT NOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Policewoman: (slurring) Uuuuuu……………wuuuuuuuuuntt……………deeeuuuuuu………………daat! (Translation: You won't do that!)

Yin: (growls nastily like a death metal vocalist)

FUCK THE WORLD!!! FUCK MY TWIN BROTHER!!! FUCK U.L.A.!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK WOO FOO!!! FUCK MASTER YO!!! SUCK MY BIMBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Policewoman: EXCUSE ME??!!? I WILL FUCKING NOT TOLERATE THAT BITCH ANYMORE!!!

Yin: (clenching her teeth in anger) GET………THE FUCK……………

Snugs: Mami!

Yin: (screaming like a sound of a cheering crowd)

NO!!! STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!

[Snugs duct tapes Yin's mouth]

Yin: MMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPHH!!!!!! (Translation: SNUGS!!!!!!)

Snugs: AH HA HA! Did you not see that?!? I don't love Yin!!!!! (laughs manically)

Yin: MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMPH MMMMMMMPPPHH!! (Translation: YOU WILL GET IN SUPER BIG TROUBLE IF YOU DO NOT STOP!!)

[Snugs stops laughing and finally loses his cool]

Snugs:

SHUT UP!!! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT, YOU CAN'T TAKE ME TO THE FUCKING TOOTH FAIRY, THEN YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME!!! BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A MOTHERFUCKING DICK ASS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yang: *gasp* Yin! Are you OK?

Yin: Mmmmmph, mmmmph mmph mmmmph mmph mmmmpphh mmmph! (Translation: Yeah, but Snugs just put tape around my mouth!)

Yang: Oh, poor sis, lemme help you.

[Yang takes the duct tape of Yin respectively]

Yin: (relieved) Whew! Arigato Yang, I love you.

Yang: No prob, You are all set!

Snugs: (furious)

BUT YOU DIDN'T TAKE MEEEEEEEEEE!!

Yin: (croaks angrily)

YOU'RE LUCKY THAT THE TOOTH FAIRY ISN'T FEELING WELL, BUT NEXT TIME, YOU CAN GO SEE HER!!!!!!!!!! OKAY??!?!!!

Snugs: No.

At the police departmemt

Chief: So What seems to be the problem?

Yin: I was mad with Snugs

Chief: Were you!? Seriously?!!?

Yin: I did!! Because he did such goofy things to me!!!!!

Chief: What happened!

Yin: He eventually duct taped my mouth.

Yang: So then I got rid of it off her mouth , I hope Snugs did that.

Chief: OK!! Frankly, I don't tolerate this! You two really need to get this over with, cause you won't hear a pin drop!!!

Yin: No!

Yang: She didn't dealt with Snugs!!!!!!!

[The chief punches his desk and barks hysterically]

Chief (barking): YOU NEED TO GET THIS CRAP OVER WITH!!!! CAUSE ALL THE COMMOTION IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!! YOU WOULDN'T BE CROAKING AT A MUZZYWUMP, WOULD YOU????!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!

Yin: I WAS yelling at him!

Chief: You just SHUT UP!!!!!!!! (barks even louder) YOU DO NOT CROAK AT ANYONE BECAUSE IT IS NOT A GAME!!!!!!!!!! YOU IDIOTS JUST LISTEN AND NOT SPOILYOURSELVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (the audience can be heard laughing crazily)

YOU'RE LUCKY THAT NO ONE WAS HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yin: Ditty!

After Snugs' Tantrum

[At Bama Lanes, Yin and Yang are bowling]

Yin: I'm glad that the cops took that little bitch away!

Yang: Yeah, I will never ever see him again!!!

Cassia: (to her plush doll, Kaa) Kaa, if Snugs dares come back, try making him go away, Deal?

Kindergarten Kid

[Steven and Peridot, both beaten the first two times to capture the gem monster, are standing on a cliff next to a giant boulder]

Peridot: Okay... I've analyzed the problems with the previous two Peri-plans. Relying on the injectors introduced too many complicating variables. Now we only have to rely on simple physics! We'll wait until it gets right up under us, not suspecting a thing - because it's so dumb - and then we'll drop this rock right on its stupid head! It's even more flawless! And at this height, nothing can fall on us!

Steven: What if it doesn't stop where we want it to?

Peridot: I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN, STEVEN!

Peridot: Why can't I master this?

Steven: Aw, Peridot, it's okay. Even if none of your Peri-plans worked, at least they were really funny. [eats some marshmallows] And the others will probably think so, too when we go back and get them.

Peridot: "Go back?" Let it be known that I, Peridot, refuse to move forward, or back, until I am victorious.

Steven: Right...

Peridot: I don't get it. I'm smarter than your average peridot. How did I fail today against some barely functional, stupid, cloddy dumb-dumb?!

Steven: Hey, hey. Corruptions aren't dumb. They just think a little different. That's all.

Peridot: [pause] Okay. Just to make sure my Earth vocabulary is correct on this. Let's say, I'm a monster. I spend all my time slamming my face into hard objects and throwing my tongues in the air for fun. How am I not... dumb?

Steven: ..Well, she must be doing something right. She hasn't fallen for any of your Peri-plans. [Peridot's face twitches at Steven]

Peridot: It's luck! Nothing that thing does makes any sense! [angrily kicks a rock. Steven thinks it over, then throws a marshmallow at her] Hey! [shields herself as Steven continues throwing handfuls of marshmallows at her] Why are you bombarding me with your confectionery puff rocks?!

Steven: [continues throwing marshmallows] To show you what it's like to be a monster! Pretend I'm a freaked-out human screaming at you in fear! Pretend I'm an Earth animal chasing you away from your first safe hiding spot! Pretend I'm an angry green gem trying to poof you! This is life for you, now! ENDLESS SUFFERING!

[Peridot angrily snatches the marshmallow bag from Steven and thrashes it around in her mouth]

Steven: There. You see?

Peridot: [calms down, spits out the bag] Yeah.

Steven: What you're doing makes total sense. You remember what it was like to have everything important taken away. Being under attack, feeling trapped. You were frustrated. So is she. Why don't you try thinking about all of this from her point of view?

Peridot: [to the Gems as they were watching everything and that they never left] You were… watching this whole time? [looks at the Tongue Monster's gemstone] I told you I could do it. But I have to admit, it was more difficult than expected. This Corrupted Gem was truly an adversary worthy of my skill. [bubbles the gem]

Steven: [surprised] Whoa! Peridot!

Amethyst: Nice bubble, Peri!

Know Your Fusion

Smoky: I can't see nothing in here.

Sardonyx: You cannot see anything, my darling-- because the show hasn't started yet!

Smoky: Show?

Sardonyx: Live, from a metaphysical room deep in the temple, it's "Sardonyx Tonight!" [under a spotlight, speaking into microphone] Goooood evening, everybody! We have a brand new fusion with us tonight. I'm so excited I could just shatter. [throws the microphone off aside] Everyone welcome, Smoky Quartz! So tell me literally everything there is to know about yourself, and do not skip out on any of the juicy details.

Smoky: Well… I like, long walks through the Kindergarten. Actually that's where I sort of- pow- became me. And, uh, pow! Beat Jasper.

Sardonyx: Oh, that Jasper! Always running around Kindergartens and causing trouble. Boy, that didn't quite work out for her. Guess she should go back to preschool, am I right, folks?

Smoky: Yeah. She lost her mind in a corrupted fusion. I guess you could say she has a… short fuse? [Sardonyx and the audience laughs] Easy crowd, huh? Where'd you get 'em?

Sardonyx: I made them myself. But. Smoky, I think what we really want to know is… who are you? Who is…Smoky Quartz?

Smoky: Uh, well, between the fight and now, I've really only existed for like, ten minutes, so, Uh… I… I don't know. But I do know how to do this! [summons her yo-yo] This one's called "Sad Baby in a Diaper"! Bow!

Sardonyx: Yes, the yo-yo. Seen it, lived it, loved it. But what about the rest of your game?

Smoky: I ain't exactly a deck of cards here. Oh! I can lick my elbow. I have three of them now!

Sardonyx: We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor! [snaps her fingers, and the overhead light goes out]

Smoky: Huh?

Sardonyx: Listen, Smoky, let's talk-- fusion to fusion. That's a nice yo-yo, but, I want to know the yo-you.

Smoky: What? [giggles as Sardonyx brushes their cheek with a make-up duster]

Sardonyx: Smoky, there's bound to be way more to you than just… a yo-yo. You're a fusion. You're full of surprises! You just don't know it yet.

Smoky: Yeah. Yeah I guess that is how surprises work.

Sardonyx: I've got it! Every fusion gets something new - a new power, a new weapon…

Smoky: Like a yo-yo?

Sardonyx: Yes, but better. Let's find out what's new about you. [snaps her fingers and the spotlight comes back on] And welcome back! Don't those cartoon characters make you want to buy those products? I sure hope so, or else I'd be off air. [laughs] We have a new segment for you all, tonight. That's right, everyone. It's time to "Hit…That…Bird!" During Opal's adventures at the Sky Spire, she took down a flock of bird monsters with her bow. [screen monitor shows a clip from "Giant Woman" of the said event] Let's see if you got her "Opalescent" aim.

Sardonyx: What do you say we move on to the next segment, everybody? Here we are! I call this segment…

Sugilite: [voiceover] "You Like That, Little Man?"

Sardonyx: 'Cause everybody loves a callback. She's not actually in this episode. Do we still have to pay her? Yes? Fair enough. Now it's no secret that us fine fusions pack an extra punch, but Sugilite is a standout for being a heavy-hitting powerhouse!

Sardonyx: Now, Alexandrite has a throat full of flames. Whether that's the cause of her raspy voice is up for debate. [screen monitor shows a clip from "Super Watermelon Island" of Alexandrite's fight with Malachite] But there's no room for questions when she attacks, exhaling a burning blaze. So I call this segment… "Breath of Fire!"

Sardonyx: [talking to herself] There must be some common thread between Steven and Amethyst that's heightened by their fusion.

Smoky: I don't know, Sards, I guess, zero plus zero equals zero.

Sardonyx: Something they both think. Something they both do.

Smoky: They say two wrongs don't make a right-- I guess I'm living proof that that's true! [chuckles] I'm just one big super wrong, good-for-nothing dud with a yo-yo!

[The audience laughs louder hysterically]

Sardonyx: [uncomfortably] They want to impress us! They were planning this all morning, we hijacked the show! I was excited. [covers her face in guilt] It's not about US!

[The studio lights go out and Smoky watches Sardonyx separating back into Pearl and Garnet; The room begins to fall apart as it lights up]

Smoky: What's happening?!

Garnet: It's Sardonyx! If she's not here, the room can't exist!

Buddy's Book

Mindful Education

Steven: [finding Connie sitting sadly by the warp pad] Hey, what's wrong?

Connie: I did something terrible at school, and I don't know what to do.

Steven: Well, that doesn't sound like you. What happened?

Connie: I beat someone up.

Steven: What?!

Connie: A kid I didn't know. He just bumped into me in the hallway. I was so startled, my training instincts kicked in. I just reacted. I was so embarrassed, I just ran away.

Steven: But you didn't mean to hurt him! [sighs] I know what it's like. Sometimes, you hurt people by accident. Y-you just have to try not to think about it.

Garnet: For a fusion to work, there needs to be balance. An imbalance can cause your fusion to lose touch of reality, see things that aren't there, and eventually fall apart. That is to say, if one of you is falling apart, your fusion will as well. To find balance, you must understand your feelings. To understand your feelings, you must see them clearly without running from them.

Garnet: Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love and trust

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love and trust.

Here comes a thought that might alarm you

What someone said and how it harmed you

Something you did that failed to be charming

Things that you said are suddenly swarming.

And, oh, you're losing sight, you're losing touch

All these little things seem to matter so much

That they confuse you

That I might lose you.

Take a moment, remind yourself to

Take a moment and find yourself

Take a moment to ask yourself

If this is how we fall apart

But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay

You've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

Stevonnie: Here comes a thought that might alarm me

What someone said and how it harmed me

Something I did that failed to be charming

Things that I said are suddenly swarming

And, oh, I'm losing sight, I'm losing touch

All these little things seem to matter so much

That they confuse me

Both: That I might lose me.

Take a moment, remind yourself to

Take a moment and find yourself

Take a moment to ask yourself

If this is how we fall apart

But it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not, but it's not

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay

I've got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

And it was just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought, just a thought

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay

We can watch, we can watch, we can watch, we can watch them go by

From here, from here, from here.

Stevonnie: Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love and trust

Take a moment to think of just

Flexibility, love and trust.

[Stevonnie falls off the edge of the Sky Arena, un-fuses; Steven and Connie plummet down the sky in free fall]

Connie: We're falling! Steven! Let's fuse! We can hover, we'll be okay! Steven? [sees Steven covering his face with his tears falling upwards into the sky]

Steven: I didn't want to hurt anyone! [Connie swims over and grabs Steven] I'm sorry! None of them would let me help them! I had no choice!

Connie: It's okay!

Steven: No! It's not!

Connie: But it's okay to think about it!

Steven: It feels so bad!

Connie: That's okay, too! There was nothing else you could've done!

Steven: I don't want to feel this way...

Connie: You have to! [facing each other] You have to be honest about how bad it feels so you can move on! That's how it was for me.

[Steven pauses for a long beat, sniffles]

Steven: Okay.

Note: this episode includes a song called Here Comes A Thought

Tillie’s Diner / Transcript

Tillie and Daizy: (voiceover) “Tillie’s Diner”

Blossom’s Bedroom

Blossom: Hmm… I’m thinking about going to Tillie’s Diner. I wonder what they have. (draws a sunflower) Look! I drew a sunflower. Isn’t that neat? (She then hears someone knocking on the door) Who is that? (She opens the door, revealing Tillie) I… (gasps) Who are you?!

Tillie: Gibaaaaaaay.

Blossom: ʼGibby?ʼ What does that mean?

Tillie: Tillie just kidding. Wanna see my new restaurant?

Blossom: Of course! I would love to! (calls for Lola) Come on, Lola!

Tillie Opens Her New Restaurant

(Tillie starts building her ideas for her new restaurant, Tillie’s Diner)

Tillie: Hmm…

(6 hours later, the restaurant is now open)

Everyone (minus Tillie): Wow! (all applaud)

Tillie: Yep, come on in! We got a lot of good food for the customers to try!

At the Restaurant

(All the customers are eating at Tillie’s Diner)

(cut to: Carlo and Lola are eating together)

Carlo: This sushi tastes like a success!

Lola: Ooooh, I sure do like that salmon. It’s good!

(cut to: Bubbles, Daizy, and Walden are eating together)

Daizy: My, these udon noodles taste positive!

Bubbles: My green beans taste G-R-E-A-T! What about your food, Wal- (She, in shock, stares at an angry customer. Daizy and Walden stare as well.)

Old man: FAH! YOU LITTLE FOOL! I WANT MY FOOD! I WANT MY FOOD! I WANT MY FOOD! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!! I WANT IT!!!!!!!!!!

Tillie: (lashes out the angry customer) TILLIE SAID YOUR FOOD WILL BE HERE IN 2 MINUTES!!! Now, calm down!

Old man: (gets more angrier than ever) SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!! YOU’RE GONNA MAKE MY WIFE SICK!!!!!!!!!!

Old woman: Honey, please don’t shout like that!

Old man: (screaming at the top of his lungs as he begins destroying the restaurant)

Tillie: Everyone run!!

Last One Out of Beach City

[Pearl's aggressive driving draws the attention of a police car]

Steven: The police want us!

Amethyst: Oh, snap!

Pearl: [gasps] What do I do?!

Steven: You have to pull over to the side and show them your license.

Pearl: I don't have a license!

Amethyst: [chuckles uneasily] Oh, right.

Steven But... but you're old!

Pearl: What was I supposed to tell the DMV? That I'm from another planet?! I'm not exactly a citizen, Steven!

Steven: Then what do we do?!

[After a moment's thought, Pearl narrows her eyes, steps on the gas, speeds past the "mystery woman" and turns up the radio. Amethyst cheers, while Steven becomes more worried]

Steven: Pearl, you can't just drive away! This is serious!

Amethyst: Pearl, you're a total bad-- [is cut off by the screeching tyres as Pearl makes a sharp turn]

Pearl: This is why we buckle up.

[Steven, Amethyst and Pearl are walking alongside the road. Pearl stops abruptly]

Pearl: I can't believe this.

Amethyst: [looks back] Huh?

Pearl: I was so ready! I really wanted to see your Krol.

Steven: What are you talking about?

Pearl: [throws her jacket on the ground and struggles to get out of her jeans] I was going to drink a juice and wear these...ugh... pants! [falls over] ..And... [grunts] hit people gently enough as to not actually hurt them, and you'd say, "Wow, Pearl is really cool!" But nooo, instead, we drove to loud music... [throws off her jeans] chased a mysterious woman into the night and broke the law. [groans] I've lost my edge. I should have stayed home with the puzzle.

[Steven and Amethyst turn to each other]

Amethyst: Listen to yourself. You're so hardcore! Who cares about pants? You gunned it from the cops!

Steven: That's the most scared I've been since you almost let me die! You're a criminal now!

Pearl: Now? [gets up on her feet, grinning] I've been a criminal for 6,000 years.

Gem Harvest

[Greg talks to his long-distant cousin Andy after telling him Rose is no longer with us]

Greg: These people are... sorta like her family, so... I offered to let these two stay in the barn.

Andy: Yeah? Oh, well, that was real nice of ya. But the barn's for the DeMayo family!

Steven: What's a DeMayo? [Andy looks shocked at him]

Andy: Andy DeMayo, Greg DeMayo, Steven DeMayo. We're the DeMayos.

Greg: Actually, we're, um... the Universes now. [Andy is shocked and enraged]

Andy: You space walnut! You didn't even keep the family name, but you're goin' around givin' family property out like candy on... some kind of... candy-giving-out holiday?!

Steven: You're telling me "Universe" isn't a real last name?!

Greg: It is a real name! I had it changed! Andy, look, they just really needed a place. They're alien refugees from space and—

Andy: They're illegal aliens?! Wh... You couldn't even marry an American?!

Greg: What does that matter?!

Steven: [to himself] DeMayo's a much cooler name than plain old Universe.

Pearl: So Andy, we heard you like marriage, so we thought: why don't we all marry each other?!

[Peridot is holding a wedding cake with multiple figurines]

Peridot: Ta-daa!

[Andy looks uneasy]

Pearl: And if that's not human enough for you, we can throw in a little being born, and some dying!

[Garnet holds a balloon with "It's a Boy" printed on it, and Lapis gives Andy a headstone with "RIP Andy" on it]

Lapis: [cheerful] We're very sorry for your marriage.

Three Gems and a Baby

Greg: I could never be

I could never be

I could never be ready for this

I could never be

I could never be ready

Things start and things end

And isn't it lovely in theory but

I could never be

I could never be ready

Greg: These gifts are great, but Steven's just too young for this stuff. Nowadays he's really into this. [swinging a keychain carabiner] [singing] Carabiner! Carabiner! [Baby Steven laughs]

Amethyst: Whoa, he loves it! [takes the carabiner, swings it] Hey, 'lil Steven!

Pearl: Hm, he's certainly captivated with those things.

Garnet: Well, next time, we'll just bring a big box of keys for Steven.

[Baby Steven's gem glows]

Amethyst: Whoa!

Greg: [gasps]

Garnet: Oh!

Pearl: Wha?!

Greg: What's happening to him?

Garnet: It's... Rose.

Pearl: Is that possible?

Greg: Is he gonna turn into a laser?!

Amethyst: Relax, y'all. I got it all figured out. Rose is trying to shapeshift back to her old self.

Greg: What?!

Pearl: She can't shapeshift because she's trapped in a baby!

Greg: Trapped in a baby?!

Pearl: [to Baby Steven's gem] Rose? Rose, it's me, Pearl. Are you in there? Glow twice for yes. [Baby Steven grabs Pearl's nose] Baby, please. I'm trying to talk to Rose.

Steven: You kidnapped me?!

Amethyst: Yep.

Garnet: Some of our actions were a bit regrettable.

Pearl: At the time, we thougth it'd be better to handle things our way.

Amethyst: Nah, we straight up 'napped you.

Amethyst: All right, Rose. We saw that glow. So why are you still a baby? Is it really fun or something? [shapeshifts into a baby] Garnet, hold me. [Garnet holds her] All right, I get it. This rules. But it's been so long, like months! That's longer than I was a toilet!

Pearl: We can all see her. She's right there! She just can't reform because... she has this... baby around her. Rose, I know you're in there. I can let you out. We'll be... together... again. [reaches out her hand, ready to pull out Rose's gem out of Baby Steven's navel and Baby Steven suddenly starts giggling; startled] I can't. [begins tearing up] I can't! She wanted this so much… I just don't understand why. "Everything should grow, and everything should change, and isn't it so great how it comes so naturally to humans?" Well, it's not natural for us! It's not natural... for me.

Garnet: It will be, for him.

[After a somber silence…]

Amethyst: What about Rose?

Garnet: This isn't about Rose. From now on, everything has to be about Steven.

Steven's Dream

[as Steven walks up to the Beach House, he stops to face Greg]

Steven: Dad, before you go, can I ask you something?

Greg: Yeah, of course!

Steven: Did Mom ever talk to you about... Pink Diamond?

Greg: There were some things your mom didn't like to talk about. I never pressed her for details.

Steven: Why not? [Greg pauses, sits down next to Steven on the steps]

Greg: Rose and I talked about tons of important stuff. Music, comic books, getting sand between your toes, y'know, feelings. We both made a lot of mistakes when we were young. I thought disco was coming back, she started a war—I think she felt like she needed to confess everything to me, but I told her, "The past is the past. All that matters to me is who you are now." And who she was, was an incredible, loving being. [Steven hugs Greg]

Steven: Night, Dad.

Greg: Night, Steven.

Steven: [shows Buddy Budwick's journal to the Gems] Hey, do you know anything about this thing? [Amethyst takes a closer look]

Amethyst: Hmm. Steven, you deserve to know the truth. And the truth is... I have no idea what that thing is, I've never seen it before in my life.

Pearl: Excuse me, Amethyst, allow me. [sees illustration of the Palanquin] Uh, well... it appears to be an illustration in some kind of journal.

Steven: C'mon, you know what I mean. I had a dream where I saw this thing. Connie and I were wondering if maybe...

Pearl: [stammers] S-Steven, why don't you and Connie— [Garnet interrupts her]

Garnet: You can't go there! [everyone stares at Garnet for a beat]

Steven: ..Why not?

Amethyst: [shady] Yeah, why not? [Garnet hesitates. Steven sighs and closes the journal]

Steven: I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on.

Pearl: Oh, Steven... we—

Steven: [points Palanquin illustration] Does this have anything to do with Pink Diamond?! I already know Mom shattered her, so what is it about this that you can't tell me?! [Pearl winces to Garnet]

Garnet: Please! You're making Pearl very upset.

Steven: No! I'm very upset! [Connie and Amethyst back away]

Garnet: We're--not--going. Rose never wanted you to see this place.

Steven: "Rose wanted..." [growls] What about what I want?! [points at Garnet] I'm sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is my mom! Out of anyone! Don't I deserve to know the truth?! [Amethyst offers a box of popcorn to Connie, who declines]

Garnet: This isn't the time.

Steven: I don't care!! I wanna go there now!!

Garnet: [sharply] Steven!

Connie: I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have brought the book.

Steven: Yes, you should've brought it. It's lucky something has some information that I don't have to get out of them!!! Connie, I need to borrow this book.

[Steven watches Greg being dragged over to Blue Diamond by her Pearl while hiding in the bushes]

Blue Diamond: How curious. I'm impressed by humanity's ability to survive in the wild. What a strange planet. Where else would a being as fragile as a human live, while a being as powerful as a Diamond, perish? This is where it happened, where she was broken.

Greg: Were you close?

Blue Diamond: Very.

Greg: I-I'm awfully sorry. I know how hard it is to move on when you've lost someone.

Blue Diamond: [turns to him, revealing her face for the first time] You do?

Greg: I lost someone very important to me, too. I miss her every single day and I think about her all the time. But she's never coming back. That feeling can be so hard to be okay with.

Blue Diamond: I'm surprised that a human being is capable of understanding how I feel. It's a shame. [stands up] There's a geo-weapon incubating in your planet that will destroy everything shortly. But you don't deserve that, do you?

Greg: Geo-weapon, huh?

Blue Diamond: You know, I really shouldn't be here. But I'm glad I came back one last time. I can save one last piece of her legacy.

Adventures In Light Distortion

Garnet: That's right! Pink Diamond's insidious human zoo.

Steven: What?

Garnet: During her reign on Earth, Pink Diamond stole humans from their families as trophies of her conquest.

Amethyst: You gotta be kidding.

Pearl: Oh, no. It was very serious. When I still served… Homeworld, I saw it myself. A private menagerie deep in space. Humans in captivity. We were never able to rescue them. We had no way to get to them after the war. But, that was over 5,000 years ago.

Steven: [on the phone with Connie] Sorry, Connie, but we just can't wait. Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back. There's no time. We're going right now. Just protect Beach City for me while we're gone.

Garnet: Lapis, Peridot, stay here. You'll have to protect Beach City if something happens while we're gone.

[Lapis gives her a thumbs up]

Peridot: You can count on us!

[The Roaming Eye rises from the ground and flies off into the sky, and into space]

Steven: Don't worry, Dad. We're on our way.

Steven: Sorry, Rubies.

Garnet: We should really do something about them.

Steven: We can pick 'em up on the way back. Dad comes first.

Steven: If being a pancake means saving my dad, then bring on the syrup!

Steven: Uhh, Why do you guys look like that?

Garnet: The gravity warp seems to be affecting our bodies.

Amethyst: Please tell me this lasts forever.

Pearl: Our bodies are made of light, and usually they form a mass dependent on the air pressure and the level of gravity in the environment. But we're in a situation where the normal laws of physics don't apply.

Amethyst: Who cares? It's funny.

Pearl: In what way is this funny?!

Steven: So, you guys aren't doing this on purpose? Can't you shapeshift back?

Amethyst: Hold on. [hapeshifts into Purple Puma] Huh, check it out. Puma cub.

Garnet: The ship seems to be putting out some kind of energy, keeping us in this shape.

Steven: [turns to the control panel] Oh, I know the problem!

Pearl: You do?

Steven: Peridot said the ship was calibrated for Rubies. It must be making you all Ruby-sized.

Pearl: Ugh! Why doesn't she tell us anything? This is why we don't listen to her.

Steven: I'll see you really soon, Dad… I hope.

Gem Heist

Pearl: The human zoo. I can't believe it still exists.

Steven: Dad's gotta be in there. We just have to find him and bust him out.

[The Roaming Eye enters the zoo hangar and they see two Amethyst guards in front of the entrance]

Amethyst: Those Gems.

Pearl: Amethyst guards. Right, like we could just waltz up as an ownerless Pearl, a fusion and- and you.

Steven: We just need disguises. I'll be Esteban Universedad!

Pearl: Steven, it doesn't matter what your name is. We're all going to stand out!

[Garnet defuses, separating into Ruby and Sapphire]

Sapphire: We won't stand out if we play the roles we were made for.

Steven: Ruby! Sapphire!

Ruby: Okay, everybody. Hear her out.

Sapphire: Today, I'm a Sapphire traveling with my Ruby guard…

Ruby: [approvingly] Hm.

Sapphire: And my personal Pearl…

Pearl: Mm-hmm.

Sapphire: Esteban, I've brought you as an offering for the Zoo.

Steven: Pobrecito Esteban!

Amethyst: Uh, what about me?

Sapphire: You're accompanying me as extra muscle.

Amethyst: [points to the Amethyst guards at the entrance] Muscle like them?

Sapphire: Exactly.

Amethyst: But I've never even seen another Amethyst before. What do I do? What if I say something wrong?

Sapphire: Just look the part. You're new and we're rusty, but we just have to sell this long enough to find Greg.

Pearl: Is this really going to work?

Sapphire: No. [they all gasp] Just… stick together. Play it straight! Let's… change the future! [smiles crookedly]

Amethyst Guard: State your purpose.

Sapphire: I'm here to make a delivery to the human zoo.

Amethyst Guard: Bad news-- the human zoo shut down. Which means, [crouches down into Steven's face] we'll just have throw you into space. [Steven whimpers nervously; to another Amethyst guard] Look, it believed me.

Steven: That door is how we get to dad. We just need to come up with a distraction.

Ruby: Got it.

Holly Blue Agate: As a one-way access point, there are no risks of an escape. In fact, it's only been used once, for a human --

Ruby: EXPLOSION!

Steven: We've gotta open this door.

Ruby: Right. Right. Pearl, open it!

Pearl: Of course. What else am I good for?

Sapphire: [loudly to alert Steven, Pearl and Ruby] I am so glad we're almost back! I was really enjoying the tour!

Holly Blue Agate: Yes, I can tell by the tone of your voice. Thank you so much for averting that crisis. [stops at seeing the damage to the door, inspects it] What is going on?!

Sapphire: Oh. Well, I'm sure there's a reasonable --

Holly Blue Agate: Did you see the Amethysts that did this? [they sigh in relief] [inspects one of the marks] Really, we have guests...

Amethyst Guard: Holly Blue Agate, we have important news for you!

Holly Blue Agate: We do not run or SHOUT IN THESE HALLWAYS!

Amethyst Guard: [quieter] I'm sorry, it's just that --

Holly Blue Agate: How am I supposed to know what you're saying when you're mumbling?

Steven: I'll just find my dad without pants...

The Zoo

That Will Be All

[An Amethyst Guard throws Steven and Greg into a room full of Amethysts and Jaspers]

Homeworld Amethyst: These the ones?

Amethyst: Steven! Greg! They found me out!

Steven: Ameythst!

Amethyst: You won't believe what I've been through! These Amethysts, they're really, really... great!

Steven: What?! [all of the Quartz soldiers laugh]

Homeworld Amethyst: [laughing] Your faces!

Amethyst 8XL: [laughing] You were right. That was priceless!

Amethyst: [hugs Steven] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I had to! What are you wearing? Greg, this is a good look for you.

Steven: What is going on?

Amethyst: These Amethysts, they're all from Earth! They're from the Prime Kindergarten! Wait. Hey, 8XL!

Amethyst 8XL: Yeah?

Amethyst: You guys, I'm an 8! Tell them, tell them!

Amethyst 8XL: The Amethyst under me never popped out. We were all waiting and, nothing.

Amethyst: I'm 8XM! Facet 5, Cut 8XM! That's me! This is 8XG, this is 8XH…

Amethyst 8XJ: I'm J.

Amethyst: Oh, geez! Sorry, I'm worse than Holly Blue!

Amethyst 8XJ: Aren't we all?

"Skinny" Jasper: Prime, Prime, Prime. You Amethysts are so cliquey.

Amethyst: Skinny's a Jasper! There are gems here from the Beta Kindergarten, too. Hey, where's Carnelian?

"Skinny" Jasper: Celebrating.

Carnelian: [carries Amethyst] I'm not the shortest anymore!

Greg: This is unreal.

Steven: Hey! Please, if you don't mind me asking, we really need your help. We came in with Sapphire, Ruby, and Pearl. We've gotta find them and get them out of-

[The door behind them suddenly opens up, revealing Ruby, Sapphire, Pearl, and Holly Blue Agate standing in the doorway]

Holly Blue Agate: I'll only be a moment. [enters the room as Steven and Greg quickly hide behind an Amethyst Guard] What are you all doing in here?! Get to your stations! Even you hideous off-color Betas! Get out of your cubbies and into your places! It's the least you can do for the Diamond that kept you worthless sorry Gems in service! That's right. Blue is back already! Now go pretend your filthy vein of Quartz is capable of gratitude! Go, go, go!

Yellow Diamond: Please tell me you're joking. You only just left, and you're already back?

Blue Diamond: Yellow. Wh-what are you doing here?

Yellow Diamond: I'm here to bring you back to reality, Blue.

Blue Diamond: I'm fine. Just leave me alone.

Yellow Diamond: It's been thousands of years, Blue, and you still bring yourself to destroy these Gems? She was shattered by a Rose Quartz! The entire cut of Gem deserves the same fate!

Blue Diamond: But they were hers.

Yellow Diamond: They should be wiped out of existence, not kept safe in bubbles!

Blue Diamond: Yellow, she made them. This is all we have left of her. These Gems, this place, and the Earth.

Yellow Diamond: I thought we agreed we need to put that planet and this whole debacle behind us.

Blue Diamond: Why can't you just let me grieve?

Yellow Diamond: You can't keep coming here forever!

Blue Diamond: Why not?!

Yellow Diamond: [sighs; to her Pearl] Pearl, do something. Sing for her. Make her feel better.

Yellow Pearl: Yes, my Diamond. Ahem. [turns to Blue Pearl] Ahem!

Blue Pearl: Uh… Oh.

Yellow and Blue Pearl: [harmonizing] ♫ Aah ha haa, aah ha haa / Aah haa, haa haa, haa haa, haaa / Aah ha haa, aah ha haa / Aah haa, haa haa, haa haa, ha haa haaaa ♫

Yellow Diamond: ♫ Why would you want to be here? / What do you ever see here / That doesn't make you feel worse than you do? / And tell me, what's the use of feeling, Blue? / Why would you want to employ her subjects that destroyed her? / Why keep up her silly zoo? Oh, tell me / What's the use of feeling, Blue? / An army has a use, they can go and fight a war / A sapphire has a use, she can tell you what it's for / An agate terrifies, a lapis terraforms / Where's their diamond when they need her, Blue? / You've got be a leader, Blue! / Yes, of course, we still love her / And we're always thinking of her / But now there's nothing we can do / So tell me / What's the use of feeling? / What's the use of feeling? / What's the use of feeling, Blue? / Oh, how can you stand to be here with it all? ♫

Yellow and Blue Pearl: ♫ Here with it all ♫

Yellow Diamond: ♫ Drowning in all this regret? / Wouldn't you rather forget her? Ohhhhh / Won't it be grand to get rid of it all?

Yellow and Blue Pearl: ♫ Rid of it all ♫

Yellow Diamond: ♫ Let's make a plan of attack / Start looking forward and stop looking back, oh / Yes, of course, we still love her / And we're always thinking of her / Don't you know I miss her too? / But tell me / What's the use of feeling? / What's the use of feeling? / What's the use of feeling? / Hmm hm hmmm, hmm hm hmmm / Hmm hmm, hmm hmm, hmm hmm, hmm hmmm hmmmm...♫

Holly Blue Agate: My Diamond. My gracious, wondrous, luminous, lustrous Diamond…sss? [gasps in surprise as she notices Yellow Diamond] Oh, my! It's truly an honor to bask in your radiance…ses.

Yellow Diamond: Get to the point, Agate.

Holly Blue Agate: [clears throat] Yes, of course. My deepest apologies. You'll be pleased to know that your Sapphire has completed your special delivery.

Blue Diamond: What special delivery?

Holly Blue Agate: Um, the special delivery you requested from Earth, of course.

Blue Diamond: I never asked any Sapphire to go to Earth.

Sapphire: I… Um… [nervously starts freezing up]

Steven: [whispering] Oh, no! She's freezing up!

Sapphire: My…future vision foresaw you, my Diamond, desiring more…humans for the zoo. So I…acted accordingly.

Blue Diamond: It's true. The window preserving Earth's specimens is closing.

[Steven sighs in relief]

Yellow Diamond: Is that what you want? Sapphire, has the Cluster emerged yet?

Sapphire: No, it has not.

Yellow Diamond: Then there's still time. That will be all. [claps twice]

Holly Blue Agate: [bows] My Diamonds.

Holly Blue Agate: [as Steven, Greg, and the Crystal Gems try to stealthily file past her] It's a shame, though. This outpost is so remote, I was beginning to think we'd been forgotten. But we haven't! Two diamonds, one day! What an honor! I don't think anything can spoil this for me! [turns and catches the group frozen while boarding the Roaming Eye] What… is… THE MEANING OF THIS?! [the Quartz soldiers appear to watch in the doorway watching behind her] Why are these two outside the contanment area?!

Sapphire: Holly Blue, I can explain…

Holly Blue Agate: No need, your Clarity. Not even you could have forseen how incompetent these Amethysts are. Well, if you want something done right... [summons an electrified whip from her gem]... you just do it yourself. [to Steven and Greg] You two are coming with me!

[Holly Blue Agate swings her whip at Steven and Greg. Sapphire and Ruby fuse into Garnet and catch it, stunning Holly Blue Agate and the Quartz soldiers]

Steven and Greg: Garnet!

Garnet: Steven, get Greg on board.

Greg: Yes, please!

Garnet: We'll handle this noise.

[Pearl severs Holly Blue Agate's whip. Amethyst catches it and wraps her up with it to the amusement of the Quartz soldiers]

Garnet: [approaches Holly Blue Agate, summons her right gauntlet] I've been waiting to do this all day... [hits Holly Blue Agate with her left hand, knocking her down]

Holly Blue Agate: [to the Quartz soldiers laughing at her] What are you doing?! They're traitors! Destroy them!

Amethyst: [kisses and waves to the Quartz soldiers] Famethyst for life!

Holly Blue Agate: [as the whip fades] I'll report you to the Diamonds! All of you! You'll all be shattered!

Pearl: You're really going to tell the Diamonds that you allowed a band of traitorous rebels to infiltrate a highly secure facility and escape from right under your careful watch? [inhales sharply] Doesn't sound like a wise thing to do, Holly Blue. So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut. That will be all.

[Holly Blue groans in misery while the Quartz soldiers wave their goodbyes to the Crystal Gems as they take off and leave the zoo]

Greg: Thanks so much for coming to get me. That has to be, like, the third craziest weekend I've ever had.

Steven: Dad, I'm really sorry I got you into all this. This whole thing started 'cause… I wanted answers.

Greg: You don't have to be sorry about a thing. I hope you found what you were looking for.

Steven: I did. I found you.

The New Crystal Gems

Lapis: Who is this, and what is she doing in Steven's house?

Peridot: That's Steven's third best friend after me and you.

Connie: Um, Lapis, you don't remember me?

Lapis: Hmm…

Connie: You almost drowned me when you tried to steal the world's water.

Lapis: [awkwardly] I almost drowned a lot of people.

Peridot: To do the job of the Crystal Gems, we need to do the jobs of the Crystal Gems! We four--

Connie: Four?

Peridot: I'm counting Pumpkin.

[Pumpkin barks happily]

Peridot: We each need to pick someone from the original team, and perform their role in the group! We'll be exactly like them - but better!

Connie: That... sort of makes sense.

Peridot: I call Garnet! I'm obviously best suited to be the boss.

Lapis: You are very bossy.

Peridot: [happily] Thank you!

Connie: Then I'll do what Steven does.

Peridot: Lapis, you could be Amethyst.

Lapis: Which one is she? [awkward silence] I'm joking.

Peridot: Great! You're already in character!

Connie: What about your pumpkin?

Peridot: Whatever. She can be Pearl.

Peridot: Am I doing it? Am I as aloof and distant as the Garnet?!

Lapis: You were, [imitating Amethyst] until you started to ask so many questions! [does a snorting laugh]

Connie: [narrating] The wash was a wash. And so were the New Crystal Gems.

Peridot: I've been doing a lot of thinking about what's been going wrong with this team-up, and I think it's obvious now that the problem is ALL OF YOU! Connie, you completely lacked Steven's sentimentality. He would have had a much more inspiring speech yesterday. Lapis, your lack of humour has been hurting our morale. Maybe you should switch with Pumpkin.

Lapis: Let's make Pumpkin the Garnet. You should be the Pearl.

Peridot: I'm nothing like Pearl! She's so uptight and sensitive! [melodramatic] How dare you?! I'm leaving!

Lapis: [sarcastic] That's so funny, you should be Amethyst.

Peridot: That's so dumb, you should be a clod!

Lapis: Oh, so now I'm a clod? I think you're the clod.

Peridot: Wow, your Peridot impression is lousy too!

Connie: WILL YOU TWO CAN IT?!

Lapis: [stunned] That's not a very "Steven" thing to say.

Connie: I don't care! So I'm not Steven! Maybe he's really great at helping people work out these arguments! Maybe he's really patient and caring, even though it must be hard for him having to be the adult for a bunch of superpowered children!

Lapis: We're both thousands of years older than you.

Connie: Then act like it! Be the Gems you've been for thousands of years instead of playing this silly game. It's impossible trying to solve problems if we're just trying to copy other people! Oh, what's the point of this? We'll never be the Crystal Gems, we're just the Crystal... Temps. But we have our own way of doing things. So let's go back to that, to fix this mess we made.

Lapis: [amazed] You do make a good Steven.

Connie: Watch it!

Storm in the Room

Dr. Maheswaran: [through answering service] You've reached Dr. Maheswaran. Please leave a message, and if you're one of my patients, you shouldn't have this number!

Steven: Well, while we're still waiting, how about another Weird Word Game?

Connie: Okay.

Steven: All right. Let's see what we got here. First one is an adjective.

Connie: [growing increasingly upset] Accidental.

Steven: [writes it down] "Accidental." And the next one's a noun.

Connie: Mishap.

Steven: [writes it down] "Mishap." Adverb?

Connie: Unexpectedly.

Steven: [writes it down] [concerned] Past tense verb?

Connie: Crashed.

Steven: Noun?

Connie: Explosion!

Steven: Uh, hey, room. It's been a bit, huh? Is that a new cloud? [laughs weakly] So, I suppose you're wondering why I'm here. I know nothing in here is real, but... I want to see my mom.

[a cloud appears as Rose]

Rose: Hello, Steven.

Steven: Um... [stammers] It's nice to meet you.

Rose: [laughs, shakes his hand] It's nice to meet you, too.

Steven: This is fun. [throws football] Or would baseball be better?

Rose: Steven, all sports are beautiful. Each sport is a unique experience. [jumps and catches the football] The adrenaline, the glory, the sheer feats of athleticism. [lands gracefully] Each one so complicated and yet, exactly the same.

Steven: [star-eyed] Whoa...

Steven: Wow. This is nice. It's really nice. I... I should've tried this a long time ago.

Rose: But Steven, don't you realize? We've been together this whole time.

Steven: Oh! That-that's-that's right. Oh, this is the first time we've hung out together. I gotta capture this moment. [takes out his phone, sees only a black void surrounding him] There's nothing here but me. I'm just... talking to myself. [stands] You're not my mom.

Rose: I’m not?

Steven: This is how I want you to be, but I don't know if this is who you really are. [the room darkens ominously] I've learned things about you. Things you wanted to keep secret. You locked Bismuth away inside Lion because she wanted to shatter gems, and you never told Garnet or Pearl. But then you shattered Pink Diamond. Now all of Homeworld has it out for Earth, and the Crystal Gems, and me! You put us all in danger and you just DISAPPEARED!!!!!!

[Steven is blown around by a gust of wind while Rose hovers over him]

Steven: I finally know the truth! I know what you are! You're a LIAR!!! I thought you never wanted to hurt anyone, but you hurt EVERYONE!!! How could you just leave Garnet and Amethyst and Pearl and dad alone?! They don't know what to do without you! Maybe they didn't matter to you as much as hiding from the mess you made! And that's why I'm here, isn't it?! Did you make me just so you wouldn't have to deal with all your mistakes?! [collapses] Is that all I'm here for?

Rose: [stands in front of Steven] Steven, you know that isn't true. In the tape I left you, I told you how much I wanted to have you and let you exist. Do you think what I said to you in the tape was a lie?

Steven: [pause] No. I'm sure... I'm sure you meant it.

[Steven and Rose hug. It begins to rain.]

Steven: I get it. I know you didn't want me to deal with your problems. But you're a part of me, now. And I have to deal with what you left behind.

Rocknaldo

Tiger Philanthropist

Room for Ruby

"Navy" Ruby: Hey Steven, hit that button behind you and I'll show you what this baby can really do.

Steven: Uh, you mean the one right here?

"Navy" Ruby: Yeah, that's the one!

Steven: [runs over to the button] I'm gonna press it!

[Once Steven presses the button, the captain's seat is encased in a light tube, while the lights are turned off. The hatches open and everybody, except "Navy", is hanging on the edges of the door]

Steven: Navy! Hello! Navy! I think something's wrong with the ship!

"Navy" Ruby: The only thing wrong is that you're still holding on! [laughs]

Steven: Wait, so all this time, all you wanted was your ship?! You could've just stolen it to begin with!

"Navy" Ruby: I could have done that, but then I would have never gotten to see the look on your face when you were tricked by your favorite little Ruby! [laughs]

Lapis: What?!

Peridot: Hey! I can't hear what's happening! Is Navy showing us the ocean? Oh 'cause this is a heck of a way to do it!

Lapis: You! Dirty little—

[Lapis tries to climb inside the ship, but "Navy" maneuvers the ship to throw everybody, except herself, off in the ocean]

"Navy" Ruby: Bye bye!

Lion 4: Alternate Ending

Steven: Mom, who were you? Who am I? Garnet... Amethyst... Pearl... They won't say it, but I know they expect something big from me. But how can I fulfil my destiny if I don't even know what it is? Who am I supposed to be?

[Steven pauses the "For Nora" videotape and turns to Greg]

Steven: No! I don't understand. Why is this the same as the video you guys made me? Who's Nora? [Greg pauses, wipes his tears]

Greg: Nora is you. [Steven pauses, freaks out]

Steven: I'm my mom and my sister?! What kind of destiny is this?!

Greg: [chuckles] No, no. We just had it down to two names—Steven if you were a boy, and Nora if you were a girl.

Steven: So, then, would Nora have the magical destiny if I wasn't here?

Greg: Magical destiny? I don't know about that.

Steven: But Mom did! She was trying to tell me something with my tape! She keeps leaving me puzzle pieces. Sooner or later, I'm going to understand what I'm for!

Greg: Whoa, Steven! It's okay! C'mere, c'mere. [Steven sits down on the van; Greg sits beside him]

Steven: Am I supposed to be... D-did she want me to be Nora?

Greg: Steven, she just wanted you to be you. When you have a kid, you have no idea who they're gonna be. Even Garnet couldn't predict it. That's what was so exciting to your mom, that life is full of so many possibilities, and you would get to explore them for yourself. I mean, you could be Steven or Nora or anyone else. And you can always change your name! Hey, I did.

Doug Out

The Good Lars

Are You My Dad?

Steven: Hey, Sour Cream. Putting on a big rave tonight?

Sour Cream: Oh, the fliers? No, it's Onion. [shows one declaring Onion missing] He's been missing for a couple of days now. My mom and Yellowdad are starting to get worried. You haven't seen him around lately, have you?

Steven: No. Have you checked his favorite hiding spot in the woods?

Sour Cream: Sure did.

Steven: What about inside the vending machine at Funland?

Sour Cream: No luck. Blew a dollar checking, too.

Steven: What about that top secret room inside your house?

Sour Cream: You mean his office? Of course.

Barb: I only came over to drop off Sadie's lunch. She wasn't home last night, so I figured I'd bring it here. But the place was completely empty. Maybe it's some sort of baker's holiday. Certainly not a Federal one!

Steven: Sadie never came home last night?

Barb: Eh, she's an adult. Probably just snuck off for another "island adventure" with her boyfriend.

Steven: That couldn't be. They were going to go to a party together, but Lars never showed. And when me and Sadie left, she said she was going home. And now Sour Cream is looking everywhere for Onion. And I was expecting a package today from Jamie, but he... he never delivered it.

Barb: A package? You mean one about yay big, two pounds, maybe four ounces?

Steven: [gasps] My distinguished khakis! Did you see Jamie with them?

Barb: I did this morning, just before sending him off to your place.

Steven: [examines Onion's missing poster and video cassette] Barb, this might be serious.

Steven: Well, Sour Cream was right. Onion wasn't in the vending machine... and neither was anybody else. [eats chips]

Aquamarine: Are you my dad?

Steven: [notices her gem] Aha! A gem!

Aquamarine: Are you... my dad? I need to find my dad.

Steven: N-no, I-I'm not. [she flies away] Wait, wait! Don't leave me with another enigma!

[Steven inspects Connie, Amethyst, Pearl and Garnet's drawings of Aquamarine]

Connie: [sketch resembles Aquamarine] I think I made one eye bigger than the other.

Amethyst: [drawing resembles a winged creature] I was going for a feeling.

Pearl: [drawing resembles Lapis and has been signed] Honestly, I can't even draw a circle. [laughs nervously]

Steven: Okay, Garnet, you just drew yourself.

Garnet: Uh, I like me.

[Steven and Connie are searching for the missing people at Onion's hiding spot in the forest. Aquamarine lands on a tree branch behind Connie.]

Connie: Steven! It's the gem!

Steven: [pokes his head out of a log] What?

Connie: She looks just like my drawing. [to Aquamarine] Come on. You don't have to be afraid, we'll help you. Jump down into my arms. My body will break your fall.

Aquamarine: Are you my dad?

Connie: What? No, I'm not your dad. We can help you find your dad --

Aquamarine: I'm not looking for your dad. I'm looking for my dad. I need to find my dad.

Connie: Right... Well, we'll help you.

Steven: [has gotten stuck in the log] Connie! Connie, wait! be careful.

Aquamarine: [interested] Connie. Are you Connie?

Connie: Yes! I'm Connie. Me, Connie. Connie, friend.

Aquamarine: [laughs, flies off the tree branch] Topaz! I've found one! I've found one! I've found a Connie!

Connie: [worried] Steven...? [unsheathes sword]

Steven: Connie!

[Steven and Connie are distracted as Topaz emerges with Lars, Sadie, Jamie and Onion trapped in her torso]

Connie: Another gem! She-she has everyone!

Steven: Let them go!

[Topaz unfuses, then rushes around Connie and imprisons her while fusing again]

Steven: Connie! [breaks out of the log]

Aquamarine: [lands on Topaz's head] Look at those organics squirming around.

Steven: [summons his shield] Give me back my friends!

Aquamarine: [dismissively] Don't bother listening to that Steven. He's not my dad.

[Aquamarine uses her bow as a wand, uses it to grab Steven in an energy field, then spins and throws him into a tree]

Aquamarine: Now all we need is my dad and we're out of here! Can't believe they wasted an Aquamarine on a job like this. It's so easy, you could have done it yourself, Topaz!

Steven: [falling unconscious] No... you can't... take them...

I Am My Mom

Steven: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

Pearl: Why is Homeworld stealing humans from the boardwalk?!

Steven: I don't know, but they're only taking my friends! They even got Connie! If we don't do something, they're going to take them up into space!

Amethyst: And our spaceship got jacked. So if they leave Earth…

Garnet: They'll be gone for good.

Amethyst: Ugh. Who were these guys?

Steven: That little Gem I saw before, her name's Aquamarine.

Pearl: What?!

Steven: She's got a big friend… a fusion, named Topaz.

Pearl: A Topaz fusion and an Aquamarine?

Amethyst: Are they a big deal?

Pearl: Uhh, yes! Blue and Yellow Diamond must have sent them personally!

Steven: The Diamonds? Oh, no! They must be collecting more humans for the zoo!

[Steven and the Gems square off against Aquamarine and Topaz in Funland]

Aquamarine: We're not here for any of you rogue Gems. We'll leave you totally alone… [turns severe] IF you tell us where we can find my dad.

Steven: I don't know what you're talking about!

Aquamarine: Let's see. Yellow Diamond asked for "uh, my dad, a Connie, a Lars, a Sadie, a mailman, and an Onion, I think". Six human variations specified in a report by Peridot 5XG.

[Steven gasps, immediately recalls back to meeting Peridot in the Kindergarten underground in "Marble Madness"]

Steven: ("Oh, no. There's lots of humans. There's my dad, Connie, Lars and Sadie, the mailman, Onion... I think.")

[come back to Steven feeling shocked and upset realizing this]

Steven: The list! I gave them the list.

Pearl: What are you talking about?

Steven: Aquamarine doesn't have a dad. She's looking for someone named "My Dad"! This is all my fault.

Garnet: Don't worry about that now. Our objective's still the same. Beat the Gems…

Steven: Save our friends!

Aquamarine: Hey, Topaz, look! They want to lose another fight.

Aquamarine: Ugh, this is getting annoying. Hey, Topaz, can you remind me? I mean, my memory is perfect, but our orders were to bring back these six humans, but I'm just not sure. Did they specify... alive?

Aquamarine: Ugh. If I ever get sent on another mission to Earth again, it'll be too soon. [sits in pilot's chair] What an ordeal. But the Diamonds needed me. That's the burden of being the best.

Jamie: WHAT JUSTICE IS IN THERE IN SUCH A GROSS TANGLING OF SYMBOLS?!

Aquamarine: Will you stop?! You're ruining my moment!

Aquamarine: [freezes Onion, Sadie, Connie, Jamie and Alexandrite trying to escape her spaceship; to Steven] Nice try. But it's hopeless, My Dad. I can't go back to Homeworld without getting what the Diamonds want.

Steven: [looks back at his friends frozen in mid-air; pauses and admits to her]I'm... not My Dad.

Aquamarine: [stern] What?

Steven: I'm not My Dad!

Aquamarine: How much longer is this mission going to take?

Steven: Well, I can end it for you, right now.

Aquamarine: Oh, really?

Steven: I'm someone the Diamonds will want more than any of these humans. The leader of the Crystal Gem rebellion, the Gem that shattered Pink Diamond. I'm not My Dad... [lifts his shirt to reveal his gem to her] I'm my mom! I'm Rose Quartz!

Aquamarine: [gasps in surprise, deactivates her wand] No way!

[Alexandrite un-fuses as everyone falls into the ocean]

Connie: Steven?!

Pearl: No, don't! Steven!!

Amethyst: What are you doing?!

Steven: [turns back] I get it now! I'm the only one who can stop what she started! I can stop all of it!

Garnet: You're wrong! Steven, get down here!

Steven: She wouldn't have wanted this! But I do.

Amethyst: I'm gonna kick your butt if you don't come down here right now!

[Steven pauses and walks back into Aquamarine's ship]

Pearl: [breaks down as she watches helplessly] Steven... [the door begins to close behind Steven, Aquamarine and Topaz]

Connie: [as the door begins to close behind Steven, Aquamarine and Topaz] No! Don't you dare!

Steven: [turns back before the door closes] I love you.

Connie: NO! STOP!! [the door closes and Aquamarine's ship warps into space instantly] STEVEN!!