Steven Universe (season 1)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the first season of Steven Universe.

Gem Glow[edit]

[Steven finds the fridge full of Cookie Cat ice cream sandwiches]
Steven: [with starry eyes] No way. I-It can't be! Wha-- Where did you get these?! I thought they stopped making them!
Pearl: Well, we heard that too, and since they're your favorite...
Amethyst: We went out and stole a bunch!
Pearl: [grunts at Amethyst angrily] I went back and paid for them.
Garnet: The whole thing was my idea.
Amethyst: It was everyone's idea.
Garnet: Not really.
Pearl: All that matters is that Steven is happy.
Steven: [begins to rap] Oooohhh…!
He's a frozen treat with a whole new taste,
Cos he came to this planet from outer space!
A refugee from an interstellar war,
But now he's at your local grocery store!
(Cookie Cat!) He's a pet for your tummy!
(Cookie Cat!) He's super duper yummy!
(Cookie Cat!) He left his family behind!
Cookie Caaaat! [murmurs] Now available at Gertman's off-route 109. [Gems burst out in laughter and applause]

Steven: I can't believe you did this. I’m gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one. Hello, old friend. [bites into one] Oh, so good! [Steven's gem begins to glow] I like to eat the ears first.
Amethyst: Uh, Steven..?
Steven: Wha? My gem!
Amethyst: Quick! Try and summon your weapon!
Steven: I don’t know how! [panicking] Ah, it's fading! How do I make it come back?!
Pearl: Calm down, Steven. Breathe, don't force it.
Amethyst: Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either.
Garnet: Please, don't. [Steven's gem glow fades away, collective sigh]
Steven: Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?

Steven: I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. So, [points] Garnet and Amethyst were here. Pearl was next to the fridge. Hmm... Amethyst, I think your arms were crossed?
Amethyst: Okay, your Majesty. [crosses arms]
Steven: And Pearl, your foot was like this. [moves it at the angle it was]
Pearl: I don't think it works this way, Steven.
Steven: And Garnet— uhh... [mushes her face upward] Yeah.
[Steven takes half-eaten Cookie Cat out of freezer]
Steven: Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first. Uh, he’s a frozen treat..all new taste..interstellar war, now available at Gertman's... Aw! It was funnier last time! [beat, sighs] Maybe I'm not a real Crystal Gem.
Pearl: Don't be silly, Steven. Of course you are.
Amethyst: And you’re fun to have around, even if your gem is useless. [Pearl growls]...I mean, you’re one of us, Steven. We're not the Crystal Gems without you! [Garnet nods]
Steven: Yeah, even if I don't have powers, I still got... Cookie Cat! [takes a bite] Oh, so good. [Steven’s gem glows then summons his shield, collective gasp]
Pearl: Steven... it's a shield!
Steven: Oh-ho, what?! I get a shield?! Oh... YEAH!!
[he launches the shield which ricochets everywhere across the room, breaking a TV. Amethyst cracks up]
Steven: Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!!
Pearl: What's in these things?

Laser Light Cannon[edit]

Garnet: This is bad.
Pearl: [looks through telescope] Look at the size of it! I had no idea these things were so big!
Amethyst: Garnet! Pearl! [runs to them carrying Steven]
Pearl: We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity! Where were you? [Amethyst puts Steven down]
Amethyst: ..Eating fry bits.
Pearl: [facepalms] Ugh!
Steven: Can I see? [peers] Whoa...
[the shining sphere uncovers itself, revealing a hexagonal-looking iris and pupil]
Steven: It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!
Pearl: Not awesome! It's a Red Eye!
Steven: A Red Eye?! It's going to infect us all!
Garnet: That's pinkeye, Steven. [Amethyst laughs]
Pearl: It’s going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it!
Steven: What are we going to do?
Garnet: The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a light cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.
Steven: My mom?
Amethyst: If Rose were here, this would be so easy.
Pearl: I know, but she's not. And the cannon is missing. We'll have to find another solution.
Steven: If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! Ah? Eh?
Pearl: ..Greg is... nice, Steven. But I doubt someone like Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon.
Amethyst: Your dad is kinda a mess, Steven.
Pearl: Amethyst!
Amethyst: I'm just sayin'! Even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean somehow.
Garnet: True.

Greg: You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I traveled the whole country.
Steven: I know, Dad!
Greg: When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except—
Steven: An alligator!
Greg: No, it was your mother!
Steven: [laughs] I know!
Greg: And we were always together after that. Until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world. [Steven's knee breaks a frame of Greg and a beautiful pink-haired woman] I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me.
Steven: [gasps] Uh, Dad? I broke a photo!
Greg: S'okay, buddy. If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs! [inside, a bright glow shines on Steven]
Steven: Huh? [sees a glowing pink cannon-shaped object] The light cannon!

Steven: [speaks to the cannon] Please work! Unlock! Activate! Go, please! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless! I know you can help!
Greg: It's okay, Steven! We'll figure out something else! Something even better.
Steven: R-r-right... If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hotdogs...
[the cannon glows again; Steven gasps. Its forming hinges start to drop one by one, causing Steven to fall down]
Pearl: It's working!
[the cannon unlocks and falls; all Gems gasp. Steven then attempts to lift it, the Gems soon help]
Pearl: Steven!
Amethyst: This is it!
Garnet: Brace yourselves!

Cheeseburger Backpack[edit]

Pearl: We fought a giant bird. We're only here for a second, we've got to go back out.
Steven: What? Why?
Pearl: We have to place this Moon Goddess Statue at the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight. Without it, the whole place will fall apart. Oh Steven, you should have seen the spire in its hay-day. [projects hologram] It was an oasis for Gems on Earth. It's abandoned now, but we can still save it with this statue.
Steven: What? That's perfect!
Pearl: What? Why?
Steven: Because I can help carry it for you in this. [takes backpack out of package and makes sound effects]
Pearl: A hamburger?
Steven: It's a novelty backpack, shaped like a cheeseburger. Aww, I blew it. [puts it on shoulder] I was just going to wear it one day, and you guys would be like "Dang Steven, that's so cool", but this is obviously important Gem business.
Pearl: Yes, so you should let us take care of it.
Steven: What? I'm a gem! [lifts up shirt and points to gem]
Pearl: But you've still got a lot to learn.
Amethyst: So let him come! [waves hands] It'll be educational.
Pearl: Hmm, alright. [hands statue to Steven] You can carry it in your hamburger.

Steven: [gasps, then laughs] Mr. Queasy! [shakes the plush doll and laughs] You're definitely gonna come in handy! '[[removes first aid kit and stuffs it in]
Pearl: Steeeven, let's gooo!
Steven: Coming! [walks down stairs and onto warp pad*]

Together Breakfast[edit]

Pearl: What’s the matter Steven?
Steven: I wanted all of us to have breakfast together. So I made together breakfast, [points to breakfast] but everyone keeps leaving.
Pearl: [whilst leaving through door] Ah, that’s nice. [disappears into room]
Steven: Oh no, not you too! I can’t let this become together brunch! [runs towards door and jams with arm, slips through]

All Gems (Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl): Steven!
Steven: Ugh, [breakfast shakes] Together breakfast? [Breakfast transforms into a massive monster of its ingredients, and wraps Steven in its Syrup, Pearl spears it, which distracts it]
Pearl: It’s taken refuge in organic matter! [Monster hits Pearl and sticks her to the wall with a mix of whipped cream and syrup]
Garnet: Now it has all the power of a breakfast, we have to destroy it.
Pearl: [surrounded by whipped cream] Aah! It’s horrible!
Steven: I didn’t want this! I just wanted to eat together like, like best buds!
Garnet: [arm stuck in its mass] Steven, you’ve got to get away.
Steven: But my breakfast--! [Monster launches a giant waffle at both Garnet and Amethyst which smashes them against a wall]
Steven: That’s... enough! I... don’t care if you... are the most important meal of the day! [pushing the monster from the bottom, into the lava well] I made you to bring us together... not to tear us apart!

Frybo[edit]

Pearl: Hey, Steven, have you seen a gem shard anywhere? It's very important.
Steven: No. Have you seen my pants? [in his underwear] They're also very important.
Pearl: I'm serious, Steven. [holds bubble] These shards have a powerful partial consciousness that has been harnessed by Gems throughout history in order to create...
Steven: [thinking] "They weren't in the kitchen either... under the bed! No, wait, I looked there too. And then Pearl walked in... [gasps] Pearl!"
Pearl: —obedience waned as the shards overdeveloped...
Steven: "Oh, jeez... she's really explaining something... [sighs] I can't just start listening now! I'd be lost... Just like my pants..."
Pearl: —could become a monster! That's why it's very, very important that it's kept away from any kind of garment.
[a pair of blue denim pants sprints across the room unnoticed]
Pearl: If you see it, bring it to me right away. I'm going to check in town! [leaves]
Steven: For my pants?! [long beat] ..I guess I'll keep looking here. [sees his self-sentient pants] That's unusual!!

Fryman: Ah... Where's your face, Frybo? Being part of the Fryman family means you gotta sell fries! And be my son, which you are. [Peedee sighs] So... you're already halfway there. Keep at it, Frybo!
Peedee: I'm Pee— [Fryman closes door] dee...
Steven: [beat] Hi, Peedee!
Peedee: When I told my Dad I wanted to be part of the Fryman family business, I didn't think it meant being stuck in a sweaty old costume. Things used to be different, Steven. Nothing to worry about back then except making myself dizzy on the old seahorse ride at Funland...
Steven: Oh, Frybo, you're hilarious. [Peedee clenches his hands, sighs]
Peedee: I wish there was a way for this costume to do its job without me in it! [Steven thinks for a beat]
Steven: Maybe it can, Peedee... Maybe it can...

Peedee: This seahorse used to make me so happy. Now it's just giving me whiplash. [ride stops] I feel like there's just no point to it, y-y'know what I mean?
Steven: [shaking on jellyfish ride] I just feel tingly-y-y-y-y!
Peedee: [sighs] You'll understand when you have a job.
Steven: I do have a job! I protect humanity from magic and monsters and stuff!
Peedee: I mean a real job that you get paid for.
Steven: I'm paid in the smiles across the town's faces.
Peedee: I don't see anyone smiling. You pick up a job to buy a house, or raise kids, or to... impress your dad. You work away your life, and what does it get you?
Steven: Smiles in faces?
Peedee: No! You get cash. Cash that can't buy back what the job takes. [leans, observes the gloomy beach] Not if you rode every seahorse in the world... [sighs]
Steven: Whoa... [beat] Wanna try the jellyfish?

Fryman: You were great, Frybo. The kids today just didn't understand. And now... [cries] they never will...
Pearl: Weren't people scared of it before he attacked them?
Steven: Shh!
Fryman: It's time... [takes out lighter] to send him off.
[he lights the suit on fire, as Pearl, using the end of her spear, along with Steven's clothing push it out to the moonlit sea]
Fryman: [sighs] As greasy in death... as he was in life.
Peedee: Dad? Um... I'll... Are you going to get another costume? [long beat]
Fryman: ..Nah, I don't need another Frybo. I've got... [puts arm around Peedee] the Fryman.
[beat. Steven turns to Pearl smiling and posing heroically while standing naked]
Steven: Pearl, I think our work here is done.
Pearl: Put your clothes on, Steven.

Cat Fingers[edit]

[Amethyst shows off her shapeshifting abilities]
Pearl: Amethyst, you're overdoing it.
Amethyst: [as a bluejay] Ah, chill it, dude!
Pearl: Just because you can shapeshift, doesn't mean you should.
Steven: Can you shapeshift?
Pearl: Well, of course-
Amethyst: [sarcastically, transformed into Pearl] Well, of course I can! I'm perfect! [slaps her behind] WHOMP, WHOMP! [laughs as Pearl pushes her aside]
Pearl: All Gems have shapeshift powers, Steven. We can turn into objects, we can change parts of our bodies, or... we could do that.
Amethyst: [slapping her behind again] WHOMP, WHOMP!

Steven: Enough! No more cat fingers! I want Steven fingers!....And I don't mean little me heads on fingers, I mean my REGULAR fingers! Uggghhh! [a spot on his head turns into a cat, then his arm turns into a cat] Wha! Aahhh! Stop! [his foot turns into a cat] Amethyst! [various parts of his body turn into cats] Pearl!...Garnet! [gasp] Dad!
Greg: [hoses the ground while singing along to his headphone music and hears a bang] Hello? Who's there? [cat-covered Steven crawls in] We're closed,come back tomorooaaaah!!! [sprays Steven with hose]
Steven: Dad!
Greg: Huh? [sees Steven's face among the cats] Steven?
Steven: Dad! [starts tearing up] Help!,The cat fingers are taking over my body!
Greg: Hold on, I'll get you out of there! [a cat bites him and throws him to the side]
Steven: Bad! Bad cat fingers! [he steps in a puddle and the cats makes him jump to the roof]
Greg: Can't you make them go away?
Steven: I tried, but it made it worse! My life is over! I can't go on magic adventures! I can't even open the fridge! And I'll never get to have another water fight with you dad! Because these things hate...water! They hate water! Dad, spray me again! [Greg sprays him and he jumps down, then, the cats run towards Greg]

Pearl: Steven! [climbs onto dock and holds his hand] Okay, let me see it. W-? Y-you got them to go away? [Steven smiles] It just goes to show, always listen to me, and never listen to Amethyst.
Amethyst: That's fair.
Garnet: It goes to show, you should have a little more faith in Steven. [Pearl blushes]
Steven: Yeah, that would have been a total "cat-tastrophe"!
Amethyst and Pearl: [sarcasticly] Hahahahaha...
Steven: But I'm feeling much better "meow"!
[The Gems groan]
Steven: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
Garnet: Okay, that's enough.

Bubble Buddies[edit]

[Steven walks to the girl beside the cliff]
Steven: "Hi! My name is Steven." "Hi, my name is Stevan." "Hi... my name is... Stefan?"
[loud roaring is heard, the ground trembling; part of the Crystal Temple to break off. Steven gasps, runs over and jumps on top of her]
Steven: Hi, my name is Steven!!
[Steven's gem starts to glow and encases them both in a giant bubble; the falling debris shatters upon contact]
Steven: Whoa! How do I do that? [turns to her] Hi! My name... is Steven! [she adjusts her glasses]
Girl: Connie. What... happened?
Steven: I'm magic. Well, half-magic, on my mom's side.
Connie: You did this?
Steven: Apparently. I'm a member of the Crystal Gems. We fight monsters and protect humanity and stuff.
Connie: Oh! That's kinda like my dad. He's a cop. Well... more like a private security guard.
[they both take a long pause at each other]
Connie: So... How long does it usually last?
Steven: Oh! Right. [he strains his arms and himself, pats his gem]
Connie: What's wrong?
Steven: It, uh... doesn't seem to wanna go away.
Connie: Oh.
[Steven then pushes his side of the bubble, straining]
Steven: So, I don't see you around that often. [they start rolling forward]
Connie: My dad works for a bunch of different beaches, so... we're never in the same place long.
Steven: I go on adventures with the Gems sometimes. They usually say it's too dangerous for me, though. [strains on some rocks, falls down] Ugh!
Connie: Do you always go in a bubble?
Steven: No, this is new. I dunno what this is. But it's okay! The Gems will knew what to do!
[they reach the Beach House, rolling up the steep hill and back down]
Steven: Aw, what?! [pushes his side, straining] Hey! Guys! Garnet, help!!
Connie: [pause] I don't think they can hear you.
Steven: [facepalms] Aww, that's right! I told them not to watch.
Connie: We can just wait here until they come out.
Steven: No, no, no, it's okay! I've got other friends that can help.

Steven: Oh, sorry! Are you alright? [Connie stands up] It's not so bad. [looks up] Uhh... It-It's okay! I, uh—
Connie: It's not okay!! You keep saying that but you don't know what you're doing! Now we're going to suffocate or starve at the bottom of the ocean, and only my parents will notice because no one else cares about me!
Steven: Huh?
Connie: [crying] I'm gonna disappear without ever making a single friend...
[she sits down wallowing in tears. Steven presents the bracelet, illuminating a glowing brilliance to her]
Steven: We can be friends. [beat] I saw you at the boardwalk parade last year. You dropped your bracelet. I picked it up, but then I couldn't find you. I saved it in the freezer so it would last longer, in case I saw you again.
Connie: Oh! You were the kid on the car wash float. [chuckles] You had soap bubbles in your hair.
Steven: I was supposed to be a scrub brush. [both chuckle] I'm sorry, Connie. [puts bracelet on her arm] If I had returned your bracelet back then, you wouldn't be stuck in this bubble with me now.
Connie: No, it's okay! I'm having fun.

Serious Steven[edit]

Garnet: Get ready, Steven. This is gonna be intense.

Amethyst: Looks like we're gonna have to split up.
Pearl: Right. Steven and I will stay right here where it seems to be safe... while you guys go and solve the mystery of this place.
Steven: Wait! I wanna help solve the mystery!
Amethyst: Yeah! Come on, Steven! [picks him up] Let's solve the mystery.
Steven: Yeah! Mystery solvers! [Pearl takes Steven]
Pearl: Nope. No, no, no, no, you two are a disaster waiting to happen.
Garnet: Steven goes with me.
Steven: Really? Awesome!
Garnet: But remember — this is a serious mission.
Steven: [still being held by Pearl] Understood. Serious Steven... Pearl, can you put me down?
Pearl: What? Oh, yes, of course. [lets him down]
Steven: I need to be standing or else it doesn't work. Serious Steven... activate!! [goes with Garnet]
Pearl: But this could be the teacups all over again!
Steven: Hey! I've put that behind me.

Garnet: We're back where we started.
Steven: Whaaat?! [Pearl comes in]
Pearl: Garnet! There you are! The doors and rooms here make no sense! They all bring you back here! [Amethyst runs out of a door growling and screaming]
Amethyst: Get me outta here! [runs into another door]
Pearl: There are sixteen doors and we entered from the northeast, and went through three consecutive rooms in a straight line... [Amethyst returns with a bear trap on her head]
Amethyst: Ow! Rrrrr-rah!! [throws bear trap, runs back where she came]
Pearl: But arrived back here out the southernmost door, which can only mean... W-well, I don't know what it means! I— [cool mist blows out; Amethyst slides along inside a block of ice] This is a death trap!! [tries to break Amethyst free with her spear]
Steven: What... what do we do?!
Garnet: We go back in... again, and again, and again, and again.
Steven: [gasp] I CAN'T!!
Pearl: Steven!
Garnet: It's okay.
Steven: No! No, it's not! You were all right about me! I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TEACUPS!!!
Pearl: Oh, Steven, I-I didn't really mean that—
Steven: WAAAAIT!!! Ah!! Wait, you guys! What if this is just like the teacups? That's why we're getting so lost... That's why I'm feeling so sick! All the rooms are spinning us around so we end up here!

Tiger Millionaire[edit]

Pearl: How could you possibly think punching a blood polyp was a good idea?! Look at all the gunk you got on me! And look at Steven! [Steven walks in covered head to toe in gunk]
Steven: It's not so bad once you get use to it.
Amethyst: See? He likes it.
Pearl: He certainly won't like it when it hardens!
Steven: Uh, what? Uh, I'm gonna go wash. [begins to walk away]
Pearl: He shouldn't have been so close in the first place. [Steven hardens in place near fridge]
Amethyst: How was I supposed to know they pop? [Steven struggles]
Steven: Uh, guys...?
Pearl: You're always putting us in danger with your little outbursts! [Amethyst ignoring her] Ugh, you are just... so childish!!
Amethyst: Yeah, yeah. Don't forget: reckless, vulgar, "loudmouthed". And that's just what makes me so AWESOME!! RIGHT, GARNET?!!
Garnet: Amethyst... you are a Crystal Gem. You need to act like it. [Amethyst pauses for a long beat]
Amethyst: Fine. [walks through temple door into her room]
Pearl: I think we really got through to her. [Garnet sighs; she walks to the front door with Pearl behind] Right, Garnet? [she closes door, Steven is still hardened]
Steven: Guys?

Steven: Wait! I want to tell you Purple Puma's backstory. He was the wildest cat in the jungle, so wild that the others cats couldn't take it. So she, I mean he went to look for somewhere he fit in, somewhere with other people who felt misunderstood.
Sadie: That really sounds like Steven. [Lars shushes Sadie]
Steven: That's why we're all here. To be wild and free, and body slam each other, and wear cool costumes, and make up nicknames and and uh..so can't we just have this? Can't we just wrestle? [Garnet takes microphone]
Garnet: No. [everyone gasps] Because we are the...Notorious Order of Wrestling Haters.
Pearl: That's right! Um...we want to stop all wrestling everywhere! Are you going to let us destroy all wrestling?
Lars: You gotta save wrestling! Come on! Tiger! Puma! Tiger! Puma!

Steven's Lion[edit]

Steven: Ah! No no no. [A sand wall erects behind him, gasps] No, no! [flinches; Steven prepares to be attacked but Lion simply yawns and lies down in front of him. Steven cautiously approaches him]
Steven: Ah! [Backs away] Don't bite! [Backs away again; Steven quickly learns he is seemingly harmless and begins to pet him, which Lion allows]
Steven: Aw, you just wanted attention [pets] Didn't you, didn't you? Your mane, it's so soft. [buries face in mane] So, you from around here? I'm just here on business. I really like your pink fur. You're like the cotton candy of the jungle. I always wanted an animal friend. But I thought it'd be like a goldfish. Or a dinosaur! But I guess fate had other plans for Steven Universe [Lion puts paw over Steven, whispers to self]...and his best friend Lion.

Pearl: [about to bubble desert glass] We should've done this in the first place.
Amethyst: In my defense, I forgot.
Steven: [to Lion] So I guess, this is goodbye. We had some good times, but I'm sure you have other magical stuff, to smash with other magical boys. [moving Lion's lips] "I love you Steven. I want to stay with you forever!" [gasp] Really? Guys you hear that?
Pearl: Are we really going to let him keep that?
Garnet: We kept Amethyst.
Pearl: [laughs hysterically] Oh, oh ho ho, "kept Amethyst", oh Garnet, that's priceless!
Steven: Yay, Lion! [makes Lion wink] Wink!

Arcade Mania[edit]

Steven: Welcome to a wonderland of funtronic gameventions! [laughs]
Pearl: Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.
Steven: Pearl! [takes her hand] Pearl come on, you'll love this game! [leads Pearl away]
Pearl: If you say so. [Sits down at racing game] Road Killer?
Steven: Yeah, pick the car you like and just go for it!
Pearl: W-well, which one of these buttons is my turn signal?
Steven: None of them. Have fun. [leaves]
Road Killer: Vroom vroom, kill the road!
Pearl: Okaaay...

Steven: Teens of Rage, this game is perfect for you! You seem like a Joe Rock kinda gal. His special move is [thinking]... Forward, forward, back, tap towards half circle, medium kick-- Oh wait! Maybe that's an aerial move. Just punch and you'll be fine. [Game antagonizes Garnet]
Teens of Rage: Come on punk!
Garnet: [Punches through screen] I did it.
Steven: [Nervous] Uh, let's try something else. [Leads her to Punch Buddy] Okay, this is a game you can actually punch. [Game antagonizes Garnet]
Punch Buddy: Give it your best shot kid.
Garnet: [Wrecks game] I win again.
Punch Buddy: Tell my wife I'm sorry!
Steven: [Searching frantically] Uh, uh, um, how about that one? *Points* Meat Beat Mania. There's no violence in this game. Just shake the meat, to the beat. [Garnet begins to play as the game encourages and performs very well]
Steven: Awesome, Garnet, you're so good at this. [Laughs] I wonder how the others are doing.

Giant Woman[edit]

Amethyst: [pelted with water balloons] Ahh... It feels good to lose.
Pearl: [clears throat] I certainly hope that's not the attitude you have during battle.
Amethyst: Ugh, you're no fun anymore. This is why we never form Opal.
Pearl: We don't form Opal because you're difficult and a mess!
Amethyst: We don't form Opal because you're uptight and—
Steven: [jumps in between them] Guys! Guys!! What is Opal?
Amethyst: Oh, it's the two of us, mashed together.
Pearl: [scoffs] Is water just hydrogen and oxygen "mashed" together?
Amethyst/Steven: Uhh...
Pearl: Analogy wasted. Look here, Steven. [manipulates the sand to demonstrate] When we synchronize our forms, we can combine into a powerful fusion gem named Opal.
Amethyst: [stomps it] Except I don't dance like that.
Pearl: Amethyst..!
Steven: Wow! That's so cool! But tell me more about Opal!
Amethyst: Well, Steven, she's an ultra-powerful, stone-cold Betty. That's part's me. And she's like, kinda tall—that part's Pearl.
Pearl: What Amethyst is attempting to say is, Opal is an amalgam of our magical and physical attributes fused into a single entity.
Steven: Wow, can you do it right now?! Come on, form Opal!! [Amethyst scoffs]
Pearl: We only form Opal when it's absolutely necessary.

Pearl: So, was your mission a success?
Garnet: I've located the geode beetles of Heaven and Earth. We should split up to retrieve them.
Amethyst: Well, I'm going with not Pearl.
Pearl: That's perfect because I don't want go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.
Steven: Is her talking about me?
Garnet: You three go together. I go alone.
Amethyst/Pearl: What?! Why?!
Garnet: The Earth Beetle is at the bottom of the boiling lava lake, and only I can swim in lava. [summons goggles, straps itself] You'll find the Heaven Beetle at the top of the Sky Spire. It's safer.
Amethyst: You mean boring-er.
Pearl: You mean more boring.
Amethyst: So you agree with me!
Pearl: Ugh! Come on, you two, let's go. [Steven runs with Amethyst and Pearl to the warp pad]
Garnet: Steven, be sure to keep the harmony.
Steven: No problem! Today's gonna be all about HAR-MON— [warps in and out] —NYYY—oomph!!

Steven: All I wanna do is see you turn into a giant woman, a giant woman
All I wanna be is someone who gets to see a giant woman
All I wanna do is help you turn into a giant woman, a giant woman
All I wanna be is someone who gets to see a giant woman.
Oh, I know it'll be great and I just can't wait
To see the person you are together if you give it a chance
You can do a huge dance because you are a giant woman
You might even like being together
And if you don't it won't be forever
But if it were me, I'd really wanna be
A giant woman, a giant woman!
All I wanna do is see you turn into
A giant woman.

So Many Birthdays[edit]

Steven: I just can't believe you guys are like a bazillion years old! How do you find a cake big enough for all that many candles? [Pearl and Garnet look confused]
Garnet: We don't really celebrate birthdays.
Steven: [heavy gasp] Why not?!
Garnet: It's not our way.
Steven: Well, I can't just ignore this tremesty of unjustice! I pledge that you will have your birthdays, with all the candy, cake and ice cream you've been denied! [Amethyst vomits]

Steven: [dressed as a clown] Happy Birthday! Honk! [squeezes his red nose]
Amethyst: Steven, that is a brave look.
Steven: No, it's funny.
Pearl: How?
Steven: [almost starts to explain, then looks nervous] Oh geez, I'm breaking character. Wait, wait, wait! I wrote some jokes! [takes out some pages of jokes] "Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?"
Amethyst: [to Pearl] You did what?
Steven: "To see a butter fly!"
Pearl: [looking hurt] I never did that. Steven... are you telling lies?

Steven: Okay, there's no way you're not gonna love this! [gestures to three kiddie cars, then holds up a kazoo] It's kazoo racers! You get in a car, you play a kazoo! [blows kazoo, then holds up three more] What more could you want?! Dad used to do this for me every year.
Pearl: [whispering to Garnet nervously] I think this is why aging makes humans die!
Garnet: Steven, thank you for the birthday parties, but I don't think we'll need anymore.
Steven: Why not?
Garnet: Our age is only an illusion, and Pearl's pretty sure this ritual is more for human children.
Pearl: [still nervous] Nothing against children!
Steven: Children? Everyone gets to have birthdays! Seriously, give it a try. You're never too old!
Garnet: We're just too big.
Steven: You're not too big! [trying to climb into a car] Y-y-you just get in, and then, uh...
Amethyst: [shapeshifts into a baby, in small war jeep] I can fit! Which way to the baby war? [driving] EAT TREAD, DIRTBAGS!

Steven: Two of the usual, please. I've had quite a day.
Lars: You must be confused, pal. I work here every day and I've never seen your mug before.
Steven: Oh, hardy-har, Lars!
Sadie: Huh?
Steven: I used to make jokes. But you know what? I've had a lot of time to think today and sometimes you gotta smarten up. Act like an adult, 'cause one day if you don't, everyone you know is gonna grow up without you, and you won't have little Steven to pick on anymore because I'll be a grown up too!
[long beat]
Sadie: Steven... who?
Steven: ..Steven Quartz Universe!! And I want that donut right there! [taps glass screen, sees his reflection] Uwah?! Aahh!!
Sadie: Sir, ar-are you okay?!
Steven: I'M... OLD!!
Lars: Yeah, and nuts.
Steven: I'm gonna have to eat fiber cereal, all my teeth are gonna fall out, and then, I'll have to eat oatmeal, [ages further] and it'll be sugar-free! Sugar-free..! [sits down crying with Sadie beside him] I need to reverse this!! ..I need a reverse birthday! The king costume... [to Sadie and Lars] Will you help me into my birthday suit?
[Sadie and Lars's faces turn blank for a beat. Outside, Sadie chases Steven out of the Big Donut with a stool]
Sadie: YEAH, YOU'D BETTER RUN!

[after a rapidly-ageing Steven is close to dying with Crystal Gems arguing in tears]
Steven: Would you guys just... please... [regresses into young man] control yourselves?! [beat] Uh... oh, no... [regresses into teen] Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have yelled! But I can't stand to see you [transforms to young man] freaking out like this!
Pearl: Wha...?
Garnet: Steven, you're changing!
Pearl: Your age is fluctuating! I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind!
Amethyst: STEVEN!! STOP FEELING OLD!!
Steven: [regresses into teen] But I wasted your time! [transforms into old man] We all have such little time...
All Gems: Steven!
Pearl: You have to feel like yourself! Sweet and considerate and only occasionally obnoxious!
Steven: [regresses into teen] You really think I'm all those things?
Garnet: Yes!
Amethyst: Why else would you throw us all those parties?!
Steven: Oh my gosh! You're right! [regresses back, to his old self] I am pretty great.
Pearl: Oh, Steven! [Pearl and Amethyst rush to hug him] Steven!
Garnet: We'll work on the rest... later. [Steven pulls up his shirt to reveal he still has full grown legs, laughs nervously]

Lars and the Cool Kids[edit]

Steven: So... how come you're not at the Big Donut?
Lars: [scoffs] I don't spend my whole life at work. I do... other things.
Steven: Like standing against this wall?
Lars: What does it look like?!
Steven: Looks like you're doing a lot of nothin'.
Lars: That's the plan, Steven. Just playin' it cool today, y'know.
Steven: We are so much alike.
Lars: Excuse me?
Steven: You want to get a fresh pizza right out of the oven, but you don't want to seem too desperate, right? Well, there's no need to be ashamed. Just walk right in and ask. That's what I always do.
Lars: Ah, Steven! Don't go in there right now!
Steven: [stares inside] Oh, hey!
Jenny: He opened the door and there was doggy doo everywhere.
Buck: That's nasty. I don't like nasty stuff.
Steven: Isn't that Kiki's sister and her friends?
Lars: Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck Dewey.
Steven: Oh, you know those guys?
Lars: N-not quite, but I'm sure we'll hang at some point.
Steven: You should go in and talk to them.
Lars: T-T-That's not how these things work, Steven! The plan is to keep it cool and let them come to me. [the group exit Fish Stew Pizza]
Steven: Here they come.
Lars: Aah! Steven, turn around! Act natural!
Jenny: [to Kiki inside] Tell dad I'll be back later.
Steven: I don't think they saw you.
Lars: Steven, you were blocking me with your...big hair! Aah!!
Steven: Sorry! I'll go tell them to look over here.
Lars: Steven, no, don't go over there! I hate you..!

[Lars and Steven try to rip the magic moss off the group but keeps enveloping; Steven then looks at the hill behind him]
Steven: Lars, I know what we have to do!
Lars: This all is your fault! [breaks down] I knew if something went wrong today, it would be because of you! Now I'm never going to be friends with these guys—all because of your... WEIRD MOM!!
[Steven's eyes narrow in shock, and partially in rage, his posture and expressions become extremely aggressive; Lars backs off in surprise]
Steven: What do you know about my mom?! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO KNOW MY MOM!!! But I do know she saw beauty in everything!! Even in stuff like this, and even in jerks like you!! [beat, sighs] Now help me get them to the car.

Onion Trade[edit]

Steven: Huh? He's leaving so soon? Does Onion just...sit around and wait for his dad all day? [notices Ranger Guy, gasps] Ranger Guy! Okay let's do this. [approaches Onion on the dock] Hey Onion, how are ya? [Onion shrugs] That's good, that's good. So I couldn't help but notice you're a G.U.Y.S. fan. [Onion stares blankly] You know, GUYS? [Onion stares blankly] The little man in your back pocket? [Onion pulls out the toy] Yeah, Ranger Guy. How would you like to trade that boring old Ranger Guy for a brand spankin' new, mint in box, Dave Guy? [pulls out a Dave Guy from bag] Pretty nice, right? [Onion shakes his head, motions to up the ante] Oh, I see where this is going. You're getting quite the deal here, with TWO Dave Guys! [Onion shakes his head and motions for more] What? You want more? L-like, two more? Five more? Ten more? Twenty more? This whole bag? All thirty of these Dave Guys for just one Ranger Guy. [Onion shakes his head to all of these, motions to up the ante once more] But there aren't anymore. The machine is empty; I bought them all. [Onion walks away] Where are you going? Hey! Let's work something out! [Onion walks leaves] Ranger Guuuuy!

Steven: [walks up Beach House, groans] Stupid Dave Guy, got no future, your haircut's gross, you smell bad... [Amethyst laughs]
Amethyst: You talking about Pearl?
Steven: No, I'm talking about dumb old Dave Guy. I mean, just look at him. Does it look like his life is going anywhere?
Amethyst: Ehh, cut him a break. Maybe this is the year he gets his life together. Maybe he'll get a cool internship.
Steven: Tch... I doubt it! I can't even trade 30 Dave Guys with Onion to get one Ranger Guy.
Amethyst: So you need more of that little man to get some other little man.
Steven: Yeah! And the machine is sold out of 'em. [Amethyst holds a bubble-looking stick] What is that?
Amethyst: Pearl's replicator wand. You can use it to make copies of stuff. Your magic. I'm sure you can figure out how to use it.
Steven: Have you been sitting here all day with this in your hair?
Amethyst: Nah, I got up to look for Pearl's dumb axe but found that instead. Then I replicated a bunch of garbage and stuffed it all in Pearl's room. [sniggers sinisterly]

Steven the Sword Fighter[edit]

Holo-Pearl: "Do you wish to battle again?"
Steven: [running around her] Pearl!! That was amazing! You were so cool!
Pearl: Oh-ho-ho, well... one does try their best.
Steven: Will you teach me to sword fight like you?
Pearl: [chuckles] All right. But we should start with the basics. [clears throat] Initiate training mode. [Holo-Pearl stands]
Holo-Pearl: "Training mode initiated. Level one, begin!"
Pearl: I want you to stand back, Steven, and watch me carefully, okay?
Holo-Pearl: "Parry! Parry! Thrust! Parry! Parry! Thrust!"
Pearl: Do you see what I'm doing with my feet, Steven? [Steven is starting to wind down for a beat] Notice where I keep my center of gravity.
Steven: Aw! Can you show me something cool? Like the Boomerang Blade!
Pearl: Steven... you know that's not a real sword technique!
Steven: Boomerang Blade! Boomerang Blade!! BOOMERANG BLADE!!
Pearl: Steven, these are real sword techniques! Not those silly things from your movies! It's about waiting carefully for the perfect moment to—
Holo-Pearl: (SHIK!!) "THRUST!!" [Pearl grunts, Steven gasps]
Amethyst: Whoa!
Garnet: Oh, no...
[angle on Steven with shadows of Holo-Pearl's sword and stabbed Pearl, with the latter dropping her sword]
Steven: Pearl..?
Pearl: ..Wh-whoopsie-daisy! Steven, it's okay. I'm gonna be just—
[Pearl explodes into a cloud of vapor with her gemstone slumps on the ground]
Steven: NNOOOOOO!!! [cradles her gemstone, crying] Pearl?! Pearl!!
Holo-Pearl: "Challenger defeated. Level one failed!"

Lion 2: The Movie[edit]

Steven: Introducing the finest in luxury transportation... Lion!
Lion: [yawns and lays down]
Steven: Aw, you little goofball. [Walks over to Lion and presses his face into his mane]
Connie: You have a pet lion?!
Steven: [Lifts his face out of Lion's mane] Lion is sort of like a pet. He does his own thing most of the time, though. 
Lion: [Chomping on something; The shot switches to a half-eaten crystal iguana by Lion's paws]
Steven: See? Who KNOWS where he got that?
Connie: Wow, Steven. Everything in your life is so awesome and magical. [Connie picks up a stick] The most exciting thing in my life is tennis practice. [She gets into a stance and swings the stick from her left to her right] Forehand! [She swings the stick from her right and back to her left] Backhand! [She brings the stick to the center of her body, bringing it up and then slamming it down] Overhead death strike!
Steven: Whoa! Tennis is rad!
Connie: [Picks up the stick again] Well, I made up that last one.
Lion: [Snarls]
Steven: I think Lion says we should hurry up and go. Or maybe he was just yawning. [Steven and Connie blink and stare at each other for a few seconds, then Steven throws his arms up into the air] Anyways, let's go to the movie! 

Beach Party[edit]

Amethyst: Hey, Steven!
Steven: I've got bad news, everyone. You've all been banned from Fish Stew Pizza.
Pearl: Oh, uh, that's okay.
Amethyst: That pizza wasn't even good.
Steven: Aren't you guys upset about this?
Garnet: Not at all.
Steven: But these are our neighbors!
Garnet: There's nothing we can do about that now.
Pearl: Now we have to figure out a way to take care of that pufferfish.
Steven: What's the point of saving people if they're just gonna ban you from their pizza shops?
Garnet: We don't do it for thanks.
Steven: Yeah, see! That's so nice of you, the Pizzas don't even know! If they got to know you they'd see how fun [Amethyst], and smart [Pearl], and mysterious you are [Garnet]!
Garnet: Heh, mysterious.
Steven: Hmm. [gasp] I know! I'll throw a little party on the beach in front of the temple! Just us and the Pizzas.
Amethyst:I don't know, Steven. I mean...
Steven: Don't worry! I'll take care of everything!

Rose's Room[edit]

Steven: [playing "Golf Quest Mini" as Prof. Sandtraps] "I can't lose! I am the greatest golfer in the UNIVER-R-R-RSE!!!" [imitates explosion sounds; "secret ending unlocked"] All right! Secret ending! [the Gems warp back]
Pearl: Hey, Steven! We're back!
Steven: [affixed to the TV] Hey.
Ace: [in-game] "Project F.L.O.G.? That's 'golf' backwards. [pushes button, enters room with what seems to be a cryogenic capsule] What is this?"
Amethyst: [pops in front of his face] Hey, Steven! Wanna hear about where we've been?
Steven: [grunts, moves her hair out of the way] Wait! Wait, hold on!
Ace: [wipes glass] "June 9th, 2014? But that was the day he disappeared."
Steven: [Amethyst rolls down in front] Hey!
Garnet: Steven! [places an artifact] Look at this.
Amethyst: It's the Wailing Stone we found!
Garnet: The Wailing Stone that I found.
Pearl: Isn't it neat? It uses high-frequency soundwaves—
Steven: Guys?!
Pearl: —as a message relay between two fixed points...
Amethyst: Look! You just have to push this!
[it suddenly emits an extremely scathing sound. The game ending continues playing before the TV breaks off in front of Steven. Pearl slams on the knob and stops]
Pearl: Amethyst, I told you not to turn it on in the house!
Amethyst: [chuckles] Chill out, Pea! It's not like anyone got hurt and Steven loved it! [beat] ..Steven?
Steven: THAT WAS THE SECRET ENDING!! Now I have to replay the final dungeon all over again!! It's not fair!! I can't go mini-golfing, I can't play my game, I can't stop going into the bathroom because I ate all that cream corn! So much corn... [sighs] I just wish I had a place for myself. [Steven's gem starts glowing] Huh? My gem! [everyone then looks back; Rose's symbol starts glowing at the Temple Gate]
Pearl: Rose's door... [unlocking sounds] Steven... your gem is opening your mother's room.
[the symbol grows and envelopes the gate into a doorway]
Steven: [walks to the door] Woah...!
Pearl/Amethyst: Steven, wait!
Garnet: Steven, don't go in there!
Steven: It's never about what I wanna do, is it?! Well, now I have a place where I'm going, and YOU—CAN'T—COME!!!
All Gems: STEVEN!!

Steven: The Gems were trying to tell me something about Mom's room... but I was so mad I didn't listen. They're always leaving me behind, and... I guess I wanted to do it to them too.
Greg: ..That's not so bad. Everyone needs some alone time now and then. Belelelerow! [munches donut]
Steven: [chuckles] Yeah, i-it was really fun for a while. But now... the whole city, everyone and everything is acting really weird.
Greg: Well, the important thing is you told the truth.
Steven: ..Yeah, I... guess I did...
Greg: Belelelerow! [munches donut]
Steven: Uh, Dad? Y-Your advice is making less sense than usual.
Greg: Well, the important thing is family and friendship, honesty, values and no one got arrested. Belelelerow! [munches donut]
[Steven nervously looks at his donut for a long beat. He soon takes a bite and poofs in his mouth]
Steven: Aah! I'm still in the room! All of this—it's all a fakearoo!!

Coach Steven[edit]

Steven: Whoa! What magical place of mysteries is this?
Amethyst: Well—
Pearl: Oh, I'm so glad you asked! This was once a communication hub for Gem-kind, but lately, it's begun transmitting bursts of electromagnetic interference!
Steven: What's that mean?
Garnet: It's hurting television.
Steven: NOOOOOOO!!! I'll save you, television!! Hi-yah! [kicks, pushes a pillar]
Amethyst: [lifts him] Sorry, but we need a Steven at least [shapeshifts into a bigger macho Steven] this strong for this job!
Steven: [gasps] It's all the me I could be!
[Amethyst puts Steven down, punches the pillar thoroughly]
Pearl: Amethyst, we could be here all day taking out each of these pillars individually.
Amethyst: Ugh! I hate it when you're right. You get this look on your face... Yeah, that's the one.
Pearl: What we need is a well thought out plan—
Garnet: No. What we need is Sugilite. Amethyst, fuse with me.
Amethyst/Pearl: Whaaaat?!
[Amethyst starts screaming excitedly, Pearl looking fumed]
Amethyst: Yeah! Let's mash it up! Bigger, badder, better! Ohohohohohoh!
Steven: Hold your horses! Are... you guys going to become a Gem fusion?!
Amethyst: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Both: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH—!!!
Pearl: WAIT!! Garnet, think about this. You and Amethyst can be a little... unstable when your personalities combine. We need to be careful! Fuse with me instead!
Garnet: [touches her shoulder] We don't need to be careful. We just need to be huge.
Amethyst: Oh, yeah! Let's wreck this joint!

Pearl: Why do you have to look up to her, aside from in a literal sense?
Don't you know that a power that big comes with a bigger expense?
And can't you see that she's out of control and overzealous?
I'm telling you for your own good and not because I'm—
I could show you how to be strong... in the real way
And I know that we can be strong... in the real way
And I want to inspire you, I want to be your rock
And when I talk, it lights a fire in you...
[Steven turns up the boombox and shouts with the megaphone]
Steven: Who's ready to get buff?! I don't wanna see your gut, I wanna see your guts!!

I can show you how to be strong... in the real way
And I know that we can be strong... in the real way
Both: And I want to inspire you, I want to be your rock
And when I talk, it lights a fire in you.
I want to inspire you, I want to be your rock
And when I talk, it lights a fire in you.

Joking Victim[edit]

Lars: Ugh, Steven! Who do ya think has to clean up this mess? [turns] Sadie, clean up this mess.
Sadie: [annoyed] No way, it’s your turn. I cleaned the last five “Stevens”.
Lars: Aw, come on. That fall messed up my back. [rubs side] It hurts, really bad.
Sadie: [rolls eyes and takes up mop and bucket] Fine. Move aside, I’ll take care of this. Could you grab the soap? [Lars belts out an anguished groan]
Lars: [exaggerating, contorts body into pained position] Oh! It hurts! Sooo much!
Sadie: [concerned] Maybe you should take the day off.
Lars: [snaps upright] Okay! You gonna be fine on your own?
Sadie: Well, I guess so bu--
Lars: [walking out] You’re the best Player Two! [leaves]

Jenny: [bumps into Lars] Oof. hey Lars, thanks for inviting us over.
Lars: It’s no problem, [goofy laugh] cause I got the whole day off, by faking a severe back injury! [both Jenny and Sour Cream high-five him]
Steven: [disgusted] Ugh, he was faking this whole-- [notices an emotionally distraught Sadie]
Steven: [grabs her arm] Uh, don’t worry! We can handle the Big Donut. Who needs crummy old Lars?
Sadie: [emotional] Steven! He’s made a fool of me! [to herself] IDIOT! [crying] He’s burned me before... [angrily] just once I’d like to burn him back!

Sadie: It wasn’t Steven! [approaching] It was me. [Lars appears surprised and lets Steven go]
Amethyst: Ohhh, now it's gettin’ good!
Sadie: After all I do for you, you LIE to me? So you can sneak off with some other girl?!
Steven: [from background] and other boys! [Lars, still struggling to breath, glares at Steven whom retreats behind cover]
Sadie: [tearing up] That night we played video games, I don’t know what it meant to you. But ever since then, I can’t get the thought out of my head that you’re a good person. [grabs his hand] That night, I really thought...Player Two. Is that just your way of saying I could’ve been anyone?
Lars: [attempting to speak without breathing fire] Sadie-- [coughs]

Steven and the Stevens[edit]

Steven: Done and done! Steven 2, you're the smart one. Steven 3, you're the funny one. Steven 4, you're the sensitive one. And I'm... [combs his front locks] the handsome one! Okay?
Steven 2/3: Okay!
Steven 4: Okie-dokie artichoke!
Steven: Steven 4, what are you doing?! You're not the funny one! Steven 3 is!
Steven 3: Well, we're all the same person so we're all equally prone to being hilarious.
Steven: No, no, that was too smart an observation for you, 3! You're the funny one!
Steven 2: Wait, which one am I again?
Steven: Dang it, Number 2!! You're the smart one!!
Steven 4: Hey—if Steven 1 is the handsome one, does that mean the rest of us aren't good-looking?
Steven 3: No way! We're all extremely attractive!
Steven 2: Let's go get jobs as models!
Steven: Hey!! None of you are the handsome one! I'M THE HANDSOME ONE!! [all three Stevens dumb down] Uh— no! I didn't mean— We decided— [groans] Let's take five.
Steven 2/3/4: THERE'S A FIFTH STEVEN?!?!
Steven: NO!!! I MEAN A FIVE MINUTE BREAK!!!
Steven 2/3/4: [all chuckle] We know!

Steven: Can't you see it in our eyes
We're the one, we're the—ONE, [all Gems] TWO, THREE, FOUR!!
We're not like the other guys
Amethyst: We're not like anybody
Steven: By the way, don't go back in time
Or you'll destroy yourselves
Steven and the Crystal Gems
We're gonna make you smile
I accidentally created
An alternate timeline.
Steven and the Crystal Gems
Come on, now, don't be shy
I learned to stay true to myself
By watching myself die.

Monster Buddies[edit]

Steven: [tends to a tiny Centipeedle] Uhh, hi. Ah, it's okay. Look, please don't be scared of me. See? I'm not gonna hurt you. Yeah, just relax. [the Centipeetle soon relaxes itself] Yeah, that's it. Doesn't relaxing feel nice? You wanna... come over here and relax with me? [it growls] Yeah, we can totally just hang out right here on the floor. [it walks slowly forward] Yeah, don't be shy. We can be friends. My name's Steve—
Pearl: STEVEN!! Get away from that thing!! [Garnet jumps]
Amethyst: Whoa, dude!
Steven: Wait! It's not— [Garnet lands down in front of the Centipeedle; Pearl lands to Steven]
Pearl: This was a terrible idea! And he's even managed to pop a bubble and let out that awful... thing!
[Garnet clutches her sparkling left gauntlet at the Centipeedle, which starts backing away from her]
Pearl: If that thing hurt you, so help me I'll—
Steven: No! It didn't do anything! [runs and blocks Garnet] Garnet! Don't hurt it! I accidentally let it out of its bubble, but it didn't even try to hurt me. It's not like the other monsters, it's just scared and confused. [Amethyst jumps down] Please, Garnet! I'm begging you!
[Garnet stares face-to-face with Steven for a beat]
Garnet: I can't say no to that face.
Pearl: Excuse me?! You can't be serious!
Garnet: I think you should try and tame it, Steven. [Steven runs to Garnet and hugs her left leg]
Steven: Garnet, thank you sooo much!
Pearl: Hmm... [Amethyst starts laughing]
Amethyst: Shut down by the G-squad! Ha ha ha ha!!
Pearl: Well, let's at least take some precaution.

An Indirect Kiss[edit]

Steven: So, what's the problem? Amethyst falls on stuff all the time.
Pearl: It'd be fine if it was just her body, but her gem is damaged.
Steven: So, what do you do to fix it?
Pearl: Before... we had Rose... [Garnet walks to Steven]
Garnet: Steven, your mother had healing tears that flowed from her gem. She felt real love for those around her, and she felt real sorrow when they were hurt. You have the Rose Quartz gem now. I know that power is in you too. [Steven comes to googly-eyed Amethyst]
Steven: AMETHYST, SHOW ME YOUR GEM!!!
Amethyst: Yeah, alright.
Steven: The power... to heal...
[vines wrap around Steven, leaps out in a burst of roses. Cut back to Steven straining in front of Amethyst]
Steven: It's not working! I guess I'm just too tough to cry.
Pearl: Just today, you were crying about snakes.
Steven: They don't have any arms!
Garnet: We have no choice. We need to take Amethyst to Rose's Healing Spring.
Amethyst: Pssh! Guys, I'm fine! I'm not gonna get any wor-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r... [pop, speaks backwards] ...hcaeb eht no gniod uoy era tahw syug yeh?

Steven: Did you see what I did? It was magic! My tears brought the fountain back to life and saved Amethyst!
Pearl: ..I'm pretty sure me and Garnet unplugging the clogged chamber brought the fountain back to life.
Garnet: We saved Amethyst.
Steven: [beat] You don't think my crying was... a little related to that?
Pearl: Oh, Steven. You don't have healing tears. You'll never have any real magic powers, [Steven becomes horrified] and we don't want anything more to do with you.
Connie: "She didn't really say that!"
[cut back to present]
Steven: No... but that's what it felt like.
Connie: Is that why you've been so down? [he shrugs] Oh. You can have your juice back.
Steven: Nah, that's okay. [sniffles, sighs] Everyone expects me to be like my mom. What if I never get those powers?
Connie: Then you'll be like me. That's not so bad.
Steven: But... if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst, or Garnet, or Pearl... [starts crying, grips pants tightly] and I-I can't go on missions! [Connie touches his hand]
Connie: You don't need any powers to be here with me.
[a gust of wind blows through; Connie slurps his juice box. She leans forward to Steven and sparkles magically appear on her head]
Connie: Ow! Ahh...
Steven: What's wrong?
Connie: I think... [sigh] there's just... [take glasses off] There's something wrong with my glasses. [sees Steven clearly] My... My eyes... I-I-I can see!
Steven: What?!
Connie: I can see without my glasses!
Steven: Did I... heal your eyes? But... how?
[he looks at the sparkles around the straw of the Durian juice carton; Steven gasps, Connie drops it]
Steven: The juice box! I don't have healing tears! I HAVE HEALING SPIT!!
Connie: What am I going to tell my parents? What am I going to tell my optometrist?!
Steven: I don't even know! [hugs her] Oh, thank you, Connie! Lion, let's go tell the Gems! They're never gonna believe this!

Mirror Gem (1)[edit]

Steven: [observes school equipment] Yup, it's all coming together.
Pearl: So, how do we begin our... school?
Steven: Ugh... I... I don't know! This is everything Connie told me! Why do I never ask follow-up questions?! Who will teach little Stevie now?!
Pearl: [gasps] Teach you?! Steven! If only I had known that's what you really wanted!
[Pearl then performs incantations and slowly summons an object out of her gemstone]
Pearl: We found this Gem-powered mirror at the Galaxy Warp. It can capture and display any event it's witnessed in all of Gem history. [it drops in Steven's hands] It'll offer you everything you've ever wanted to know about your fellow Gems and our culture.
Steven: I must be incredibly important to Gem culture.
Pearl: [scoffs] It's just you in there. It hasn't even been activated. [clears throat] Show us the Galaxy Warp. [long pause] Show us the Galaxy Warp! [beat] Oh, come on! [tugs it dragging Steven]
Steven: Whoa! [chuckles]
Pearl: I know you've seen it! [examines mirror, sighs] It is in pretty rough shape. It must finally be broken. [sighs] What a shame.
Steven: It doesn't seem broken to me.
Pearl: [sighs] Oh, well. I guess that's the end of our school.
Steven: [starry-eyed] Ohh! Ahh! So, you could say... school's out for summer?
Pearl: Yes. Good, Steven. There are many ways to say the same thing.
Steven: [gasps] School's out! [runs outside]
Pearl: Hmm. The asymmetry of this pile is really starting to bother me.

[The Gems have just learned that the mirror is being sentient towards Steven and are horrified.]
Pearl: It's talking to him? It shouldn't be able to do that. I-it should just be following orders...
Amethyst: Garnet, do something.
Garnet: Steven. [walks towards him]
Mirror: [displaying an image of Steven laughing and using his voice] Noooo!
Garnet: You should just give us back the mirror. It will be safer where we can watch it.
Amethyst: Yeah, let's bubble it!
Mirror: [still displaying Steven laughing] Noooo!
Steven: Wha..?
Garnet: Steven. Don't make me have to take it from you.
Steven: [confused] It doesn't want to go with you. Don't you hear it screaming?
Garnet: Steven, it's just a mirror, a tool. It can't want anything.
[she reaches out to take the mirror from him.]
Mirror: [now repeatedly] Noooo!
Steven: [snaps] It wants to be with me!
[he tries to smack her hand away, but accidentally hits her face instead, knocking her shades off in the process. He stiffens in shock at this. Cut to first-person view on Steven.]
Amethyst/Pearl: [gasp]
[Garnet, all three eyes exposed, looks straight at Steven in anger, giving him a terrifying furious look. Cut back to Steven, who quickly glances at the hand that he had hit Garnet with, and then looks back at her with a look of complete terror on his face.]
Steven: AAH! [runs out the front door] AAH! I'M SORRY!
Garnet: [puts her shades back on, clenching her fists] That little boy is in big trouble.
Pearl: [following Garnet and Amethyst, who angrily walk out of the house to find Steven] Garnet, wait! I'm sure he didn't understand what he was doing!

[Steven approaches the blue girl with the cracked gem on her back; she turns to Steven with blank eyes]
Girl: Thank you. [stands up] You didn't... oh! [Steven catches her fall] You actually talked to me. You helped me! It's Steven, right?
Steven: [breathes deeply] Hm.
Girl: I'm Lapis. Lapis Lazuli. Are you really a Crystal Gem?
Steven: Yeah!
Lapis: But... you set me free.
Steven: But... wha..?
Garnet: [offscreen] STEVEN!!!
Steven: Wha? [the Gems run forward to them, summoning their weapons] WAIT!!
Lapis: You... [Steven turns back; a huge water-arm slowly rises out of the ocean behind her] You three knew I was in there... and you didn't do anything... Did you even wonder who I used to be?! [slams the water-arm on the Gems, trapping Garnet; Pearl and Amethyst land down opposite sides]
Pearl: Steven, run!!
Steven: What are you doing?!
Lapis: I'm Lapis Lazuli, and you can't keep me trapped here anymore!! [Steven gasps] They're not gonna let us leave.
Steven: Leave?! [Lapis parts the ocean apart to make a path]
Lapis: Steven, come with me.
Steven: Where?!
Lapis: ..Home.
Steven: B-b-but... B-but I... uh... [Lapis becomes down for a beat, closes path]
Lapis: Fine.
[Garnet breaks free and punches the water-arm away, runs to Steven and Lapis]
Lapis: Don't trust them, Steven. Goodbye.
[a huge wave knocks Steven and Garnet back behind Lapis as she walks into the ocean; Pearl and Amethyst run to them]
Pearl: [hugs him] Steven! Are you okay?!
Steven: Yeah. I'm fine. So, that was another Gem?
Pearl: [sighs] Yes. [the Gems stare at the ocean for a beat]
Garnet: Steven, you're grounded.

Ocean Gem (2)[edit]

Steven: I'm leaving to fix what I did to our home. I was the one who set Lapis free from the mirror. Now it's my fault the ocean's gone. I'm gonna bring the ocean back, or get really thirsty trying.

Mayor Dewey: Hey! It's those magical ladies! [runs at Garnet] What's going on here?!
Garnet: The ocean is gone. Obviously.
Mayor Dewey: That's right! Now it's just a desert. No one wants to take a vacation to... Desert City! [bawling] Aww, we're gonna lose all our summer business!
Lars: And all the beach babes! Awww!
Fryman: Who's gonna buy my fries?
Kofi: And my pizza!
Mr. Smiley: Who's gonna have fun at Funland?!
Mayor Dewey: As mayor, I DEMAND YOU EXPLAIN THIS IMMEDIATE— [Garnet slaps megaphone off his hand] ..ly...
Garnet: It was Lapis Lazuli.
Steven: Lapis Lazuli?
Pearl: She's the Gem you released from the mirror.
[Pearl projects a hologram of Lapis through her gemstone; the citizens all gasp and awe in amazement indistinctly]
Steven: But she's a Gem just like us!
Pearl: There's a lot you don't know about Gems, Steven.

House Guest[edit]

Steven: Ahh... Forgot to ask Dad what kind of donuts he wants. Ugh... [walks back inside] Hey, Dad, I—
[sees Greg rummaging the fridge and humming to himself. He grabs a plate with turkey leg and mashed potatoes, a bowl of cranberries; kicks fridge door and spins around]
Greg: Olé! Steven! [a shocked Steven stares for a beat] Ha! You had me scared there, son. Didn't see you... standing in the doorway. Your old man's still got it! [Steven angrily stares at him] What, this? I guess I couldn't wait for those donuts.
[Steven crosses his arms. Greg pauses, looks down at his broken leg]
Greg: Oh—oh, yeah! Ugh-ho-ho-hoh! [falls down] Ouch! [rolling] Ho-ho-ho-hoh...
Steven: Just stop, Dad. I get what's going on. Your leg isn't broken at all, is it? [Greg stands up]
Greg: It was broken, but you healed it back at the car wash.
Steven: You lied to me! Now I can't do it anymore!!
Greg: What?!
Steven: The Gems needed me to fix the broken rock, but my powers aren't working! It-it's because of you! You messed with my head!
Greg: No! I-I didn't mean to fo— I-I just wanted to live with my son again!
Steven: I really thought I was getting better. I finally felt like a Crystal Gem. [cries] Now, what if I can't do anything?
Greg: Steven, don't beat yourself up! This is my fault!
Steven: Yeah! Yeah, it is!

Space Race[edit]

Steven: I've never seen so many warp pads before! I hope I have enough of these Crying Breakfast Friends stickers. Where do all these warp pads go, anyway?
Pearl: Well, Steven, these warp pads were used to travel off-planet. They were our connection to the Gem Homeworld and to Gem-controlled planets all over the universe.
Steven: [gasps] You mean we could go anywhere we want in outer space?!
Amethyst: Yeahhh, we could do that if they weren't all busted.
Pearl: It's true. The Galaxy Warps have all been inactive for thousands of years.
Steven: Can't we fix them?
Garnet: ..No.
Pearl: It's fine. I'll always have my memories of other worlds, but now I'm here... on Earth... forever.
Steven: With me!
Pearl: Right. [pats his head] With you. [walks to the destroyed central pad] It really is incredible out there, though. I wish you could see it, Steven.

Greg: [via communications] "Hey, can you hear me?! Where do you two think you're going?!"
Steven: Hey, Dad! Guess where I am!
Greg: I know where you are—it's where you're going that concerns me!
Steven: Don't worry, Dad! This is just a quick test flight.
Pearl: This'll be perfectly fine, just a pop over to the nearest star system. I'll give him back in 50 years.
Steven: 50 years?!
Greg: "WHAT!?! I'll be dead in 50 years!! Pearl, you bring him back right now or I'll—" [Pearl cuts him off] Hello?! Hello!?!
Steven: Pearl, I'm not supposed to go! Pearl!!
Pearl: Oh, this is so exciting! Steven, you're gonna love it. [plays keyboard keys to a discordant note, opening the ship's wings with eight engines] Hang on tight!
[the spaceship blasts through the clouds and up into the stratosphere. For a moment, Steven looks and sees a piece of debris flying past him]
Steven: What was that? [the ship's alarm blares loudly as more parts of the ship fly away] Pearl?!
Pearl: We can make it! We're almost there! [the ship is starting to break apart]
Steven: Pearl!!
Pearl: I'm gonna show it to you...
[Steven hesitates for a beat. He sees a hatch release cord and pulls it, shooting out the ship's glass dome]
Pearl: Steven! What are you doing?!
Steven: We need to go, Pearl! We're not gonna make it!
Pearl: But we're almost there! [sees a cluster of stars before Steven comes to her face to face]
Steven: Pearl! I know you miss space, and I know you worked hard! But sometimes... you just got to know when to bail.

Secret Team[edit]

Island Adventure[edit]

[Sadie, Lars and Steven walk out of the island to a seaside]
Steven: Welcome to paradise!
Sadie: Oh, Steven... it's beautiful here.
Lars: It's a beach! We live on a beach!
Steven: It's a magical beach!
Lars: [fumbles phone] Is that why my phone has no reception? Why were you even here?!
Steven: We came here to look for a dangerous gem creature that we never found...
Lars: ..Yep. I'm going.
Sadie: Huh? Lars! Wait! Lars... this could actually be kind of fun!
Lars: If I'm going to be bored out of my mind and possibly die, I'm gonna go to work and get paid for it. [stops to find warp pad missing] Okay, where is it?
Steven: What?
Lars: The teleporter thing! Where is it?!
Sadie: Oh, i-it wouldn't disappear... would it?
Steven: No, no, no... Well, maybe.
Lars: WHAT!?!
Steven: It's okay! The Gems'll come to save us when they see I'm missing! Eventually...
Lars: STEVEN!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!?! WE'RE STRANDED!!
Sadie: Calm down! Is this really the worst place to be stuck in? [view on a waterfall and butterflies]
Lars: Ugh! You calm down. I'm gonna find better reception.

Steven: Isn't this such a beautiful night, whoa
We're underneath the thousand shining stars
Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different, whoa
Why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?
Look at this place, look at your faces
I've never seen you look like this before
Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different, whoa
Why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?
Look at this place, look at your faces
They're shining like a thousand shining stars
Isn't it nice to find yourself somewhere different, whoa
Why don't you let yourself just be wherever you are?
Why don't you let yourself just be somewhere different, whoa
Why don't you let yourself just be whoever you... are?

Keep Beach City Weird[edit]

Pearl: Humans just lead short, boring insignificant lives so they make up stories to feel like they're a part of something bigger. They want to blame all the world's problems on some single enemy they can fight instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond anyone's control.

Ronaldo: [entering the lighthouse] You're ready for what I've found... the cause of Beach City's paranormal activity.
Steven: Wait, what?
Ronaldo: Welcome to my office. Go that way. [Steven walks in that direction] Welcome... to the truth.
[Steven then sees a large board with several newspaper clips and "Snake People" written in large letters on it]
Steven: "Snake People"?!
Ronaldo: Snake People, or "Sneeple", control our government at the highest level. Look. [shows a dollar bill] The snake represents their hold on our country. The diamond represents their underground mines, or their sharp teeth... th-the details aren't important. They pit us mammals against each other with elections, sports, and anime message boards. We spend so much time fighting over dubs or subs that we miss the big picture!
Steven: ..What's that?
Ronaldo: That the world is under their control.

Steven: [on the balcony] Ronaldo?
Ronaldo: Steven! Did you see this crater? I think the Snake People might have left it as a sign.
Steven: Yeah... Uh, Ronaldo?
Ronaldo: [turns back] Yes, Steven?
Steven: Are you... totally sure about this Snake People thing?
Ronaldo: Steven, are you having doubts?
Steven: Not really just... doubts... I found out those weird holes in the cliff were 'cause of something me and the Gems did.
Ronaldo: Well, okay, but those red rocks—
Steven: That was us...
Ronaldo: But... the flowers!
Steven: Us too.
Ronaldo: But... but the truth!
Steven: Maybe the truth just isn't what you thought it was.
Ronaldo: Sure it is! Don't get so hung up on these minor facts! Truth is about more than that! Truth is a feeling in your gut that you know is true! Truth is searching for anything that proves you're right no matter how small, and holding on to that, no matter what.
Steven: That kinda sounds like the opposite of truth.
Ronaldo: Look! The proof! This cast will show the true face of this conspiracy! [holds up cast which looks exactly like Steven] Oh, wha-huh?
Steven: That's probably from Steven Tag.
Ronaldo: What!?!
Steven: It's a game where... when I tag one of the Gems, they— [Ronaldo cuts him off]
Ronaldo: I'm really not at the center of anything... I'm nothing.

Fusion Cuisine[edit]

Steven: Garnet, quick! You have to pretend to be my mom to Connie's mom. [hands her the phone]
Garnet: [deadpan] Hello. This, is Mom Universe. [pause] Yes. The children are playing swords. Sorry, playing with swords. They're bleeding. Oh no, they are dead. Don't call again. [hangs up] Sorry, I panicked.

Garnet's Universe[edit]

[Garnet walks forward and picks up the cloaked figure. She removes the cloak revealing a frog]
Frog: Hop o' the morning to ya, Garnet! Nothing like some morning training to get the blood pumping. Am I right?
Garnet: Hopper, nice to see you too. [drops her]
Hopper: By the way, have you seen Hoppy? She was hoppin' excited to train with us.
[a shadow jumps high above the trees; Garnet gasps as the kitana-wielding rabbit swoops down]
Rabbit: YAAHHHH!!! WAAAHHH!!! [Garnet summons her right gauntlet, the rabbit slashes] HI-YAH!!!
[Garnet clasps and holds the rabbit's blade, with a pulsating gust of wind blows all leaves]
Rabbit: Garnet.
Garnet: Hoppy.
Hopper: [holds radar-like device] Wow, Garnet! I can tell you've been training! Your power levels are hoppin' high!
Hoppy: [jumps down] Yes, Hopper, but they could always be higher. We should train more. I nearly had the jump on you that time.
Hopper: Oouhhh!
Garnet: [retracts gauntlets] We can train some other time, Hoppy. Right now, there's a gem artifact to recover.
Hopper: I wonder what it is this time. Maybe a magic power amulet, or a flying power carpet, or maybe an enchanted power onion!
Garnet: Whatever it is, we should hurry. There's somebody at home [takes out photo] that I need to get back to.
[closeup on the photo showing Garnet and Steven doing the peace sign. Hoppy and Hopper peek at the photo]
Hopper: Who is that?
Garnet: My most favorite person in the world.
Hoppy: Have you ever told him that?
Garnet: No.
Hopper: Why not?
Garnet: [clenches fist] I'm not strong enough.
Hopper: Will we get to meet him soon?
Garnet: Not yet. He's not ready to learn that I have secret animal friends.

Watermelon Steven[edit]

Steven: Everyone! Please! Stop! I'm okay, look! You don't have to fight anymore!
Amethyst: HELP!
[Amethyst has been dogpiled by Watermelon Stevens while two nearby dig a hole]
Amethyst: They're gonna put me in the ground! [sobbing] No! [A Watermelon Steven appears with a bouquet] THOSE FLOWERS ARE LOVELY! AAHHH!

Lion 3: Straight to Video[edit]

Steven: [takes snacks out of paper bag] Alrighty, let's see what we got here. Looks like a classic PBJ sandwich cut into triangles. [Lion puts paper bag on his nose, walks backwards] Very nice, it's the only shape a sandwich should be. Mama Sadie, this lunch is a win. [Lion backs up towards the front door] And for dessert we have... Whoa, look at this! Lion! Lion, look! It's a cookie shaped like a star. [chuckles] I guess you could say this cookie is... "out of this world"? Eh?
[Lion blows the bag into Steven's face. It falls down, and Steven bites the cookie. He then looks up at the portrait of Rose Quartz on the wall]
Steven: I wonder what kind of lunch my mom would've made me. [gasps] Maybe actual space cookies! [beat, sighs] I just wish... I know a little more about her.
[Lion nudges Steven; he stares at Lion with stars in his eyes]
Steven: Blink if this means you love me.
[beat. He then blows Lion's face, blinks]
Steven: He loves me!

[Steven dreams himself playing checkers with Dogcopter on an island. Dogcopter places a chess piece on his tile]
Dogcopter: I win.
Steven: Oh, what? That was a good move!
Dogcopter: Thanks.
Steven: Dogcopter, how do you do it?
Dogcopter: How do I do what?
Steven: I mean, what's your secret? How'd you get so talented?
Dogcopter: Don't focus so much on talent, Steven. Making art is all about communication. A piece of art is a conversation. Every choice you make is a statement. [eats, munches chess piece] Don't worry about labels or conforming to a standard. Just be true to yourself, and people will appreciate your honesty. [gulps it] Ahh.
Steven: Whoa. Thanks for the advice.
Dogcopter: And take a deep breath.
Steven: What?

[cut footage to Greg strumming his guitar at the sea with the seagulls]
Rose: "Isn't it remarkable, Steven? This world is full of so many possibilities. Each living thing has an entirely unique experience. The sights they see, the sounds they hear, the lives they live... are so complicated, a-and so simple. I can't wait for you to join them."
[the camera then rotates back at Rose]
Rose: "Steven, we can't both exist. I'm going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself — that's me. Loving you and loving being you... because you're going to be something extraordinary. You're going to be a human being."
Greg: "Hey, Rose!"
Rose: "Take care of them, Steven."

Warp Tour[edit]

Pearl: These are the warps that once connected us to other planets. If something tried to come from space, it would be through here. But wait—this warp pad is broken! Marked inactive by the very depressed cartoon breakfast sticker you placed here yourself!
Amethyst: [walks up to Steven] Look, Pearl's right, like usual. Ugh... you get used to it. [Garnet places hand on Steven's head; Steven moves her hand off him]
Garnet: We're safe.
Steven: [beat] Well... I guess so.
[Steven places his hand beside the "Crying Breakfast Friends" sticker; the Gems all sigh]
Amethyst: Oh, man! Finally! That took all day.
Garnet: It was important to make Steven feel secure.
Pearl: Yes, Steven feels much better now. [Steven starts losing his temper even further]
Steven: I'm a little tired... of you guys telling me how I feel!! I know I saw something outside the stream!
Pearl: And I know you didn't!
Steven/Pearl: Why is it so hard to just "listen to Steven"?! / You don't tell me what I already know! [continue arguing]
Amethyst: ..Uh, this is new. I kinda like it.
Pearl: Steven, you just don't know what you're talking about.
Steven: It sounds like... maybe... YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!
Pearl: ..Ugh!!
Garnet: [cuts them off] Okay, Steven, that's enough. Let it go.

Alone Together[edit]

Steven: I don't get it! I thought I almost had it.
Pearl: Nobody expects you to be able to perform fusion right away, Steven.
Amethyst: Yeah! It's really hard, even for us.
Garnet: Not for me.
Pearl: We'll keep working on the dance for now, and who knows, in a few years... I wonder though if Steven's body is capable of fusion. Fusion merges the physical forms of Gems, but Steven is half-human. He's organic.
Steven: Organic?
Amethyst: Aw, come on! It's Steven! Who knows what's gonna happen? [laughing out loud]
Garnet: Well, I think Steven can do it.

Pearl: This is unprecedented. [examines Steven/Connie fusion] A Gem fusing with a human being? It's impossible! Or, at the very least, inappropriate.
Amethyst: Wahahahahaow! You two look great together! How does it feel, Steven? Connie?! ..Stevonnie?!
Stevonnie: It feels amazing!
Pearl: Yes. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves, but you two should un-fuse this instant.
Stevonnie: Wait, what?! Pearl, you were so worried Steven wouldn't be able to do this. Aren't you proud of him?
Pearl: Of course I am! I... [turns to Garnet] Garnet, help me out here!
Garnet: Stevonnie... [walks to her] listen to me. [Pearl and Amethyst walk away] You are not two people, and you are not one person. You... are an experience. Make sure you're a good experience. Now... go—have—FUN!!

[Stevonnie runs away from the dance floor, leans against a wall to catch their breath]
Stevonnie: I don't understand what's wrong. You have fun dancing, but this dance isn't fun! You're supposed to like this. Why don't you like this? [sighs, stands up] I wish you were here. If we were together, it would be okay. But... we are together, and it's not. I'm alone. [Kevin's hand leans on the wall next to Stevonnie's side]
Kevin: Not tonight. [pan left to him smirking] Hey, baby. Why'd you leave me on the dance floor?
Stevonnie: I don't... [pushes Kevin's hand away] I don't want to dance anymore.
Kevin: What are you talking about? We're the best thing that's ever happened to this place. Come back out with me.
Stevonnie: Why should I?!
Kevin: Because we're angels walking among garbage people. We're perfect for each other.
Stevonnie: How can you say that?! You don't even know us!
Kevin: Oh, whoa. I'm just looking for a dance! Don't get crazy.
Stevonnie: No one is crazy, I just don't like feeling alone here!
Kevin: If you're so lonely, then dance with me.
Stevonnie: Ugh! [growls] Fine. You wanna dance? Let's go.
[Stevonnie grabs Kevin's arm and drags him onto the dance floor. Stevonnie turns around and looks down their nose at Kevin]
Stevonnie: And it's Stevonnie; I am not your baby.

The Test[edit]

Steven: [holds the Sea Spire statue, sighs] I... I'm really sorry I forgot it on our mission that time.
Pearl: Oh, Steven...
Steven: If I had just remembered to pack it, then maybe the Sea Spire would still be around. But now it's gone forever 'cause of me.
Amethyst: Well, yeah, but... Don't worry about it, guy.
Garnet: You did your best on that mission and that's what counts.
Steven: But the Sea Spire! It was a special, important Gem... place!
Pearl: [walks to Steven] Oh, Steven, no, no, no. If the Spire had been crucial, we wouldn't have used it as a test for you. It's fine, really.
Steven: [beat] ..Test? What do you mean, "test"?
[Garnet and Amethyst glance at each other. Pearl gets worried with thunderous sounds]
Pearl: Uhh... well, it wasn't really a "test", per se—not in the traditional sense... We just wanted to see if you were ready to go on missions.
Steven: ..That's exactly what a test is!
Pearl: Oouhh...
Garnet: Steven, it wasn't something we planned behind your back. We just saw an opportunity and—
Steven: [gasps] And I failed it! [long beat] I failed the test...
Amethyst: No way, you got at least a 50 percent.
Pearl: Oh! And you had that raft so we didn't have to swim home? That's a solid 75—not failing at all! Besides, that Spire was in much worse shape than we thought. It should have been even easier.
Steven: [beat] ...I FAILED AN EASY TEST!?!
Amethyst: [to Pearl] Nice one.
Garnet: [stands up] Hmm...
Pearl: [sweating] That's not what I meant! I—
Steven: No! I need another test! A hard one!
Pearl: [pause] But, Steven... you've come so far.
Steven: Let me prove it! Test me! Test me!!

Steven: I... can't believe it. Arrgh!! "It won't be easy. Good luck, you're gonna need it!" [beat] How am I supposed to prove myself if you guys keep—
Amethyst: [heard offscreen] What's taking him so long?
Pearl: I didn't think mine was very difficult. [Steven observes the Gems in the distance] Do you think he hurt himself?
Garnet: There's no way. It's impossible for him to fail.
Amethyst: Uggh. So what's the point?
Pearl: The point is that he's come so far. He can make Rose's bubble and he's pulled out Rose's shield twice, but he's lost his healing powers. We have to give him another success. He can't lose his confidence like that again!
[Pearl and Amethyst remain silent for a long beat]
Amethyst: We're bad at this.
Pearl: What?!
Amethyst: Yeah. You can't control him, and he shouldn't be taking advice from me, and we don't have Rose to tell us what to do!
Pearl: But he needs us to show him how to be a Gem!
Garnet: Steven is not just a Gem. If there's never been anything or anyone like Steven... we don't know what he needs.

Future Vision[edit]

[Steven trips on a tennis ball going downstairs that sends him flying before being catched by Garnet]
Steven: Ah! Garnet!
Garnet: Good morning to you, Steven.
Steven: Boy, I sure am lucky you showed up when you did. [Garnet puts him down]
Garnet: Luck's got nothing to do with it.
Steven: Wait... what do you mean by that?
Garnet: Aw, don't worry about it.
Steven: No, seriously! How do you always know when to be?
Garnet: [holds MC Bear-Bear] Mmm... I don't think you can handle that information.
Steven: Are you gonna tell me something cool about yourself? [smiles excitedly]
Garnet: Nope.
Steven: Aw, come on! I'm a b— large... man now!
Garnet: Well... I guess you could say that I have a sort of... future vision. [shades glimmer] I'm able to see possible outcomes to most situations—which comes in handy since you seem to attract a lot of danger.
Steven: Well, danger is my middle name.
Garnet: That's a lie. Your middle name is cutie pie. [touches his nose]
Steven: Hahh!

Steven: [enters the Big Donut] So, what would happen if I said hi to Sadie?
Garnet: The most probable outcome is that Sadie will say hi back.
Steven: Hmm... Hi, Sadie!
Sadie: Oh, hi, Steven.
Steven: [chuckles] Aw, that was an easy one. What would happen if... [points to Lars at the coffee machine] I said hi to my BFF, Lars? Our friendship is deep but complicated. So the outcome of this experiment is waaaay unpredictable!
Garnet: I see a single potential future where Lars gives you a high five. [starry-eyed Steven gasps at Garnet] And two more potential futures where you suffer third-degree burns all over your body.
Steven: A high five... from Lars! [runs to him] Hi, Lars!
[a startled Lars suddenly throws the coffee jar up high and falls down onto Steven before Garnet blocks it with coffee all over her body]
Lars: Criminy! Are you okay?! That coffee was really hot!
Garnet: I drink coffee for breakfast. [absorbs coffee with her body]
Steven: Eh-heheheheh... Funny!

Garnet: Steven! Get off the roof!
Steven: No! [lightning crashes] If something is going to happen to me... just let it happen.
Garnet: Steven! You don't understand!
Steven: No, you don't understand! Everything I do shoves me violently towards the end! The more I know, [kneels down with his hands in the air] the more I know that I don't know! I can't live like this! Why did you tell me about future vision?! What's going to happen to me on the roof?!
Garnet: [beat] This.
Steven: Wh...what?!
Garnet: I knew you might do this if I told you about my power. I saw this, and I told you anyway.
Steven: But... why?!
Garnet: I took a risk at your expense! There was a chance you'd understand this so we'd be closer! [takes off her shades] Steven, I see so many things that can hurt you. [closeup on three-eyed Garnet in the rain] I should never have let one of them be me.
[Steven pauses for a beat, Garnet puts her shades back on]
Garnet: There are millions of possibilities for the future, but it's up to you to choose which becomes reality. Please understand! You choose your own future.
Steven: I do understand! I— [lightning crashes] ..What am I doing? [beat] I guess I can't really... see a future for myself up here.
[Steven slides down the roof, runs to Garnet and embraces her]
Steven: I'll watch out for myself from now on.
[for a beat, Garnet gazes at the dark clouds and blocks a lightning bolt which is about to hit Steven]
Steven: What was that?
Garnet: Oh, nothing important.

On the Run[edit]

Steven: It's time to get moving, time for us to have some fun
There's no time to hang around, our adventure's just begun
We'll be thinking 'bout our friends as we chase the setting sun
Both: But we're leaving them behind, we're on the run.
Steven/Amethyst: (We're on the run) I don't care about what all the others say
(We're on the run) Well, I guess there are some things that will just never go away
(We're on the run) I wish that I could say that there's no better place than home
[together] But home's a place that I have never known
That's why we're on the run.

[Steven pushes rubble to clear the entrance of Amethyst's hole, where she sits down sulking]
Steven: Amethyst!
Amethyst: Go away! I'm bad and you shouldn't be around me.
Steven: What? That's ridiculous! Look, I don't know what any of this really means, but I—
Amethyst: Yeah, you don't. 'Cause if you did, you wouldn't be talking to me. [Steven pauses for a beat, turns to Pearl]
Steven: Pearl, get in here. You gotta help me.
Pearl: But—
Steven: You have to talk to her.
[Pearl slides in next to Amethyst in her hole with Steven watching]
Pearl: Amethyst? [closeup on Amethyst's tearful face] ..Amethyst, I-I had no idea you've been upset about this.
Amethyst: What?! You had no idea?! [scoffs] This is, like, my entire existence! You want to pretend that none of this ever happened! You think I'm just a big mistake!!
Pearl: [gasps] No, no, Amethyst! You're not the mistake. You're just the byproduct of a... big mistake. [beat] No, that's not— I... I just never thought of this as you. None of this is your fault! You didn't build this place! I... I'm sorry, Amethyst. I hope you can forgive me. You're the one good thing that came out of this mess. I always thought you were proud of that.

Horror Club[edit]

Winter Forecast[edit]

Maximum Capacity[edit]

Greg: What's that? I'm missing the fireworks! It's past midnight! How did I get so sucked into this show again?! It's like everything else just disappears! Ugghh!! [leaves]
Amethyst: [grabs his hand] Whoa, whoa, don't go! We're having a really good time! Here, look. I got the two-part Hawaii special.
Greg: But... Steven really wanted me to do New Year's.
Amethyst: He'll be fine! He's Steven, he's tough.
Greg: I wanted to be there!
Amethyst: Here, here, it would've been like this. [shapeshifts into Steven] Whoa, fireworks! [guffaws] Hey, Dad, come on! Now let's watch some Li'l Butler!
Greg: Amethyst, you know how I feel about shapeshifting.
Amethyst: ..Geez, sorry! I was just trying to cheer you up. [shapeshifts into Greg, leans on him] Oh, that's right, I forgot, you're sooo sensitive!
Greg: I know you like making me uncomfortable, but it's not funny. I can't stay here and humor you. I have to be there for my son!
[Amethyst goes stiff for a beat before turning back to normal in a fit]
Amethyst: Well, what about me, huh?! I had someone who was always there for me until she started hanging out with YOU!!
Greg: Don't do this, Amethyst. Seriously.
Amethyst: I bet you'd stay for her!
Greg: You wouldn't.
Amethyst: What? Do this? [shapeshifts in Rose Quartz, Greg turns away] Hey, Greg! [laughs, with Steven watching] Turn around! Check it out!
Greg: I know you're doing it! I want to be friends again, I really do! But I can't let you do this to me again!
Steven: [runs atop the couch] STOP!!
[Amethyst looks right at Steven as Rose. Steven's eyes widen in horror and shuts his eyes. The television suddenly cuts to static and Amethyst turns back to herself with Greg, terrified]
Steven: What are you two doing?! [long beat] ..I get it. It's hard to deal with stuff from the past. You want to put it off because there's tons of it and it's really heavy and... it means a lot to you, so it's hard to let anything go. But you gotta! Because this thing is FULL!! [picks and throws cat carrier] Seriously, when did you even have a cat?!

Marble Madness[edit]

[Steven warps to the desert where Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst start brawling another giant marble robot]
Pearl: Stop—coming—here, you—stupid—balls!!
Amethyst: Yeah, let it out! Get crazy!! Whoa!
Steven: Guys, guys, guys! [flailing his arms] Stop!! How many more of these things are you gonna have to fight?!
Pearl: We don't know! They just keep coming and coming, and we don't even know what they are! We don't know anything!!
Steven: [beat] That's okay. I don't know anything all the time. It's like my whole life. But I have you guys to tell me about tell me about Gem stuff, Connie can explain what Familiars are, and Dad tells me weird dad stuff.
Pearl: But nobody knows what these things are here to do.
Steven: Well... it probably does.
Pearl: [pause] ..What?
Steven: We could follow it and see where it goes.
Amethyst: ARE YOU NUTS!?!
Pearl: Who knows what could go wrong?!
Garnet: We can't keep fighting these things forever. Well, we can, but I don't want to. Let's do it Steven's way.
Steven: Yeah! [sings] Let's follow the funky flow!
Amethyst: [beat] ..We're dead.

Peridot: "Ugh... this Gem tech is simply archaic."
Steven: I don't know... I think it looks pretty cool.
[beat. Peridot abruptly cancels all operations and turns her screen at Steven]
Steven: Hi! I'm Steven! [Peridot's screen swoops up close at him]
Peridot: "There appears to be an infestation of Stevens in the Kindergarten."
Steven: Daw, I'm not so bad once you get to know me!
Peridot: "And how many more Stevens are present in this area?"
Steven: Oh... just me.
Peridot: "Nyah, that's a relief. So tell me—have Stevens replaced humans as the dominant species on Earth?"
Steven: Oh, no! There's lots of humans! There's my dad, Connie, Lars and Sadie, the mailman, Onion... I think—lots of people!
Peridot: "Hmm..."
Steven: Now I get to ask a question. What are you doing?
Peridot: "Hm, just picking up where we left off."
[one of the giant hand constructs hovers above Steven, forms a fist and plummets down at him before Garnet catches and throws it away]
Peridot: "A Gem?!" [Amethyst and Pearl jump up] "Ah! More?! But the Red Eye didn't report the presence of any Gems on this planet!"
Pearl: That's because we destroyed it!
Peridot: "You what?! But the records say that Gems were wiped out on Earth! Wait a minute... [turns resilient] You were the ones that have been destroying my plug robonoids! Are you the reason the Homeworld warp is down again? [shows crying waffle sticker] This is your bizarre icon?! Uhrooh!! Why do you keep destroying my things!?!"
Pearl: Because we are the Crystal Gems! We're still alive and we're still the guardians of this planet and all its living creatures!!
Peridot: "..The Crystal Gems?" [the Gems charge and attack the giant hands] "Stop! How dare you! I'm doing this one way or another! You're just... making it... really... difficult!!"
Garnet: Amethyst! Now! [Amethyst latches the hand in mid-air]
Amethyst: DESTROY!!! [swings hand and crashes into the power source]
Peridot: "I'm reporting this!"

Rose's Scabbard[edit]

Steven: Pearl! [Pearl sniffles] Pearl, you have to tell me what's wrong.
Pearl: Sometimes... you even sound like her. [beat] Do you remember this place? Do you have any of her memories? We were right here... [Steven walks to her] over 5,000 years ago.
[Pearl generates a holographic projection of Rose Quartz from her gemstone and kneels behind to her. Steven looks up to her, dumbstruck. Holo-Rose turns back to Pearl]
Holo-Rose: [Pearl speaking her words] "Pearl..."
Pearl: Yes?
Holo-Rose: "I'm going to stay and fight for this planet. You don't have to do this with me."
Pearl: But I want to!
Holo-Rose: "I know you do. Please, please understand. If we lose, we'll be killed. And if we win... we can never go home."
Pearl: [wheezes] Why would I ever want to go home if you're here?
[Holo-Rose pauses for a beat, chuckles. She offers her hand to Pearl, who looks up to her]
Holo-Rose: "My Pearl."
Pearl: You're wonderful.
[they grasp each other's hands, and Holo-Rose vanishes suddenly soon after]
Pearl: Everything I ever did, I did for her. Now she's gone... but I'm still here. [beat] Sometimes, I wonder if she can see me through your eyes. [sighs] What would she think of me now?
[Steven hesitates behind Pearl for a long beat, and proceeds to hug her]
Steven: Well... I think you're pretty great.

The Message[edit]

Steven: She was trapped in a mirror and it couldn't be clearer
She wanted to leave this place and get herself back in space
And Dad, you might think she's a criminal
But her friendship comes through subliminal.
Lapis Lazuli
You fled into the bottom of the sea
Lapis Lazuli
You were so mad but then you came around to me...

Garnet: I don't understand. That thing has laid dormant since we found it.
Pearl: I haven't heard a Wailing Stone activate since we used them for the rebellion, and I've never heard it sound like that!
Garnet: Someone is trying to send us a message.
Pearl: But who?! We've rounded up all the Wailing Stones on Earth, and we're not sending this message to ourselves! Unless... Amethyst, is this a prank?!
Amethyst: No way! I want it to stop!! I DON'T LIKE IT!!
Garnet: If it's not coming from Earth, then a Gem must be sending this message from space.
Steven: Is that... what some Gems sound like?
Pearl: No, no. We should be hearing a voice. Maybe this signal is too advanced for the Wailing Stone to process. That would explain the distorted audio.
Steven: ..Audio? My daddy-o knows audio!
Amethyst: Uhh, you mean Greg?
Steven: Yeah!
Pearl: I don't know...
Garnet: Don't whine. Let's try it.

Greg: I could have tamed you, I could have shown
That I could depose you from your loud throne
But in the end I wasn't good enough
I just showed the Gems that I ain't got the stuff.
Oh-oh, Wailing Stone
I tried so hard to fly but I was thrown
Oh-whoa, Wailing Stone
I gotta tell the Gems 'cause they should know.
Have a little, have a little, have a little faith in me!
I just wanted to help
You know I have a little, have a little
Have a little expertise!
I know it's not much, but if it could come in handy
I'd wanna be there
I think so highly of you, it just isn't fair
That you have so little faith...
[spoke] Eh, it's a B-side.

Lapis: [appears as a visualisation on video] "Steven!"
Steven: Lapis?
Greg: I did it!
Pearl: I can't believe my flipping eyes!
Garnet: Everyone, listen up!
Lapis: "I hope you're able to hear this. There's a Gem that's looking for you. She even knew your name! I don't know how... I didn't tell her, I swear! She's on her way to Earth... and she's not alone! Steven, Homeworld... it's not the way it used to be. Everything here is so advanced! I can't even understand it. There's no way anything on Earth can stand up to it. Please, don't put up a fight. It'll only lead to devastation!"
[the video suddenly cuts to static. The group pauses for a beat]
Pearl: ..It's Peridot. She must be talking about Peridot.
Amethyst: She's coming for us!!
Steven: Lapis... she sounds so unhappy...

Political Power[edit]

Steven: What's wrong with the microwa—ow!! [grumbles] What is the meaning of this?! [knocking on door] Huh? [walks to the door, opens it] Mayor Dewey?
Mayor Dewey: Hello there, young Universe. Any of your... sisters home?
Steven: My sisters?
Mayor Dewey: Your caretakers, you know. The tall one, the purple one, the hot one? [Steven stares for a beat] Look, the power's out and I've been mayor long enough to know they had something to do with it.
Steven: ..My sisters?
Mayor Dewey: Is there anyone else I can talk to about this?
Steven: Pearl!!
Pearl: Coming! [walks to him with the robonoid] Oh, can I help you?
Mayor Dewey: Yes... oh, hi! Uh, Beach City is currently experiencing a widespread power outage— [the robonoid sparks]
Pearl: Oh, don't worry about that. The power should be back on as early as tonight, or as late as... never.
Mayor Dewey: Never coming back!?!
Pearl: Yes?
Mayor Dewey: No, no, no! It has to come back! The people of Beach City can't handle a situation like this! They need their electronic distractions so they won't notice that this town is a magnet for disaster!!
Pearl: Oh, don't be dramatic. I saw humans get on fine without power for millennia. You used to hunt and gather. [chuckles] What happened to that?
Mayor Dewey: You don't understand! Sure, things seem calm now in the light of day, but when the sun goes down, so does... the town.
Steven: [beat] He's right. Mayor Dewey, this is our responsibility. We'll help you clean up this mess.
Garnet: [inside] No, we won't! [Pearl goes back inside]
Steven: I'll help you clean up this mess.
Mayor Dewey: Okay. But you're not getting paid.

The Return (1)[edit]

Jasper: Neither of you saw Rose Quartz? Oh, what a shame. I'd hoped to meet her. I was looking forward to beating her into the ground!

Steven: Maybe when Peridot gets to Earth, she'll see how nice all the people are, and she won't want to hurt anyone.
Greg: You're just like your mother.
Steven: Yeah?
Greg: Yeah. But these other Gems aren't like your mother. They're not like Garnet, Amethyst or Pearl—they're not gonna start caring about people now. They didn't the first time they—
Steven: The first time they what?
Greg: I mean—it was thousands of years ago! It's— it's not like I was there! [pauses for a beat] Th-the Gems should be telling you all this stuff, but... I get it, I mean—they don't want you thinking of them like that!
Steven: Like what?
[Greg is profusely sweating with fear]
Steven: Dad, like what?!
Greg: Like aliens, Steven!! Aliens who invaded Earth!!
Steven: What..?
Greg: All they do was try to make up for it, but... they just can't forgive themselves! Do you understand? Look, they were doing something awful to the planet, and your mother couldn't stand it anymore. She told me that's why she had to turn on her own kind. She gave up everything just to stop what they started here and drive the invading Gems off of Earth.
Steven: So... sh-she saved the world, that's good!
Greg: Uhh, no such thing as a good war, kiddo. Gems were destroyed. People too. In the end, your mother could only save a handful of her closest friends. If it weren't for her shield, man... I don't know.
[Greg looks at teary-eyed Steven for a beat]
Greg: Bu-but hey! Let's look on the bright side! We're gonna drop by that waffle place in a couple miles.
Steven: We gotta go back! Turn the van around!!
Greg: No way! The Gems don't want you going back!
Steven: I know they're just trying to protect me, but... I have to protect them! I have Mom's shield! They need me!
Greg: I need you too!!
Steven: Please, Dad! What if they get hurt?! [Greg is still driving straight] Dad, turn around!! DAD!!
[Steven then breaks into tears and punches the glove compartment]
Steven: TURN THE VAN AROUND, PLEASE!!!

Jail Break (2)[edit]

[the red-colored Gem runs to a cell with Steven and gasps]
Gem: Oh, it's just you...
Steven: Lapis! [Lapis looks behind] Lapis, I can get you out! [moves his arms forward]
Lapis: Stop!!
Steven: It's okay, I can—
Lapis: No! I don't want your help! Things are bad enough as it is! I've already made too much trouble. Once we get back to Homeworld, they're going to decide what to do with us.
Gem: ARRGH!! I don't have time for this!! [runs off]
Steven: Wait!
Lapis: Steven, whatever you're doing, just stop. If we do everything they say, they might go easy on us.
Steven: But they're... mean! They hurt my friends, they hurt my face! They've got you here in prison!
Lapis: That's why we can't fight them.
Steven: That's why we have to fight them!
[Lapis turns herself to the right side, looking down on the floor]
Steven: I'll come back for you.

Garnet: This is Garnet, back together
And I'm never goin' down at the hands of the likes of you
Because I'm so much better
And every part of me is saying "Go get her."
The two of us ain't gonna follow your rules
Come at me without any of your fancy tools
Let's go, just me and you
Let's go, just one on two.
Go ahead and try hit me if you're able
Can't you see that my relationship is stable?
I can see you hate the way we intermingle
But I think you're just mad 'cause you're single
And you're not gonna stop what we made together
We are gonna stay like this forever
If you break us apart, we'll just come back newer
And we'll always be twice the Gem that you are.
I am made o-o-o-o-of lo-o-o-o-ove, o-o-o-o-ove
Lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove
Mm-m-m-m-mm, m-m-m-m-mm, m-m-m-m-mm...

This is who we are, this is who I am
And if you think you can stop me, then you need to think again
Because I am a feeling, and I will never end
And I won't let you hurt my planet, and I won't let you hurt my friends.
Go ahead and try hit me if you're able
Can't you see that my relationship is stable?
I know you think I'm not something you're afraid of
'Cause you think that you've seen what I'm made of
Well, I am even more than the two of them
Everything they care about is what I am
I am their fury, I am their patience
I am a conversation.
I am made o-o-o-o-of lo-o-o-o-ove, o-o-o-o-ove
And it's stronger than you
Lo-o-o-o-ove, o-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove
And it's stronger than you.
Lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove
And it's stronger than you
O-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove, lo-o-o-o-ove...
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