Talk:Jean-Claude Van Damme

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Unsourced Quotes[edit]

I'm pretty sure these quotes all started off as a joke. Unless someone can provide legitimate sources (such as interviews with, or press coverage of, Van Damme) for these quotes by March 21, 2008, they will be removed. --Ubiquity 00:45, 15 March 2008 (UTC)

Well,its 22 November 2008 now,and they're still here.

Now it's October 6th 2011..Roger Ebert has quoted some of them in his review for JCVD so I guess it's too late to wipe them out LOL

The "sound waves" quotation is here around 2:30. I can't follow French well enough to say how accurate the translation is. JerryFriedman (talk) 14:45, 20 October 2012 (UTC)
Apparently there's a transcription at that page. A l'an 3000 les gens vont se parler avec,…, les yeux, des ondes. Ne me prend pas pour un fou les baleines le font, les dauphins aussi. Ce sont des animaux très intelligents dans la mer. Nous on vit dans la terre. Et eux se communiquent, vu qu'ils ne savent pas parler dans l'eau, ils sont forcés d'utiliser des ondes, des ondes de love ou de hate et la communication se fait comme ca.
Roughly "In the year 3000 people will talk to each other with... their eyes, with waves. Don't take me for a madman—whales do it, dolphins too. These are very intelligent animals in the sea. We live on land. And they communicate—seeing that they can't talk in the water, they're forced to use waves, waves of love or of hate, and communication gets done that way." Nothing about sound waves. JerryFriedman (talk) 20:47, 21 October 2012 (UTC)


  • T'as pas besoin d'un flash quand tu photographies un lapin qui a déjà les yeux rouges.
    • Translation: You don't need a flash to photograph a rabbit that already has red eyes.
  • Si tu travailles avec un marteau-piqueur pendant un tremblement de terre, désynchronise-toi, sinon tu travailles pour rien.
    • Translation: If you work with a jackhammer during an earthquake, desynchronize yourself (work off-beat), otherwise you are working for nothing.
  • Selon les statistiques, il y a une personne sur cinq qui est déséquilibrée. S'il y a 4 personnes autour de toi et qu'elles te semblent normales, c'est pas bon.
    • Translation: According to statistics, one person out of five is disturbed. If there are four people around you who seem normal, that's not good.
  • Si tu téléphones à une voyante et qu'elle ne décroche pas avant que ça sonne, raccroche.
    • Translation: If you phone a psychic and she doesn't answer the phone before it rings, hang up.
  • In the year 3,000, people are going to speak with sound waves. Don't think I'm crazy, the whales do it. Dolphins too.
  • Une vache, ça te bouffe trois hectares, moi, avec trois hectares, je te fais deux mille kilos de riz... avec trois hectares, je te nourris Avignon, tu vois...
    • A cow eats three hectares. With three hectares I could make two thousand kilos of rice. With three hectares I could feed Avignon!
  • My wife is not my best sexual partner, but she's good with the housework.
  • Un biscuit ça n'a pas de spirit, c'est juste un biscuit. Mais, avant c'était du lait, des oeufs. Et, dans les oeufs, il y a la vie potentielle.
    • Translation: A cookie has no soul, it's just a cookie. But before it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there's the potential for life.
  • Me montrer nu de dos ne me pose pas de probleme mais, de face, c'est une autre histoire, je ne voudrais pas perdre tout mes fans.
    • Translation: Showing myself nude from behind doesn't pose any problems but from the front that's another story. I don't want to lose all my fans!
  • I'm fast, why? Because I eat vegetables.
    • I think this quote refers to this video. At 11:50 he says "Je suis speed, pourquoi ? Je mange que des légumes"
  • Obviously I've taken drugs.
  • When I walk across my living room from my chimney to my window, it takes me ten seconds, but for a bird it takes one second, and for oxygen zero seconds!
  • Je suis fasciné par l'air. Si on enlevait l'air du ciel, tous les oiseaux tomberaient par terre ... Et les avions aussi...
    • Translation: I am fascinated by air. If you remove the air from the sky, all the birds would fall to the ground. And all the planes, too.
  • L'air c'est beau en même temps tu peux pas le voir, c'est doux et peux pas le toucher ... L'air c'est un peu comme mon cerveau.
    • Translation: Air is beautiful, yet you cannot see it. It's soft, yet you cannot touch it. Air is a little like my brain.
  • "I'm one of the most sensitive human beings on Earth -- and I know it."
  • "I'm the god of cloud karate."
    • 18th September, 1st International Movie Convention, Brussels
  • "God gave me a great body and it's my duty to take care of my physical temple."
    • Internet Movie Database