- Nancy Reagan fell down and broke her hair.
- Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
- I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
- If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
- Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
- The Hollywood tradition I like best is called 'sucking up to the stars'.
- A two-pound turkey and a fifty-pound cranberry - that's Thanksgiving dinner at Three-Mile Island.
- The difference between love and lust is that lust never costs over two hundred dollars.
- My success evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
- I ran into my stockbroker the other day. I couldn't help it, he jumped in front of my car!
- "Mom this year I want "Claydough."
- Your chances of being struck by lightning go up if you stand under a tree, shake your fist at the sky and yell, "Storms suck!"
- Last night, it was so cold, the flashers in New York were only describing themselves.