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  • The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.
  • I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have done this. First thing, I took him home and dangled him over the balcony.
    • David Letterman, announcing to the public that he was the proud father of Harry Letterman, in reference to an incident by Michael Jackson,
  • Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception.
  • A Child is no more than a puppet. You can only pull its strings.
  • Each morning I call for the best in me: “I am sent a child. He is a dear guest. I thank him for his existence. He is called to this life as am I, and this unites us – we are people; we are living. He is the same as I am. He is a man, not a future man, but a man today, and therefore he is different from any other people. I accept him as I accept another man. I accept my child… I accept him and protect his childhood. And I understand, tolerate, accept and forgive him. I don’t force him. I don’t humiliate him by my strength because I love him. I love him and thank him for who he is and for that I can love him, and thus, I elevate in my own spirit.
  • Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
    • Dennis Fakes.